


Something Different

by thatmavin



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/M, Freewood - Freeform, High School, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-19
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-02-05 08:54:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 201,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1812571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatmavin/pseuds/thatmavin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All of his life, Ryan has wanted something different. </p><p>But, his life changed when 'something different' wanted him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> Ok, so freewood is one of my guilty pleasures and I feel like in my other sort of freewood fic "Bethrothed", that the Ryan/Gavin interaction is lacking, so I wanted a fresh start. Betrothed will continue, don't worry. 
> 
> But, welcome to "Something Different" in which Gavin and Ryan are both new students trying to survive high school. Cliche? You bet. However, at least the cliche is a little offset by the mental states of Ryan and his family. 
> 
> Ok babies, dive in! Wait...dive in...crap. Yeah I'm still struggling to continue Ocean Eyes. My brain is on hold with that. I'm a failure. 
> 
> Have some apology freewood. Should I even continue this story? I'm super concerned that this is way too cliche!
> 
> Anyway, I love you <3
> 
> And As Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin
> 
>  
> 
> ***quick update***  
> So, Ryan's first name is actually 'James' if you guys don't know! Don't worry, they won't be calling him James for long. Sorry if that's confusing. Ok, bye <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOW INCLUDING BEAUTIFUL, FLAWLESS, PERFECT FAN ART BY: Loleifos  
> I am so in love with their drawings and it honestly made me cry!

                                             

 

   

_"A transfer student in the middle of the year? It sounds weird."_

_"I heard his mother went crazy so he got sent to live here with his grandmother."_

_"Poor kid, I heard his whole family is insane."_

_"He’s probably gonna go crazy next, we should watch out for him."_

**_"Avoid him at all costs."_ **

 

Ryan heard all of the whispers as he walked the halls, sat in classrooms, and ate lunch alone. None of the gossip bothered him, and being by himself wasn’t bothersome either. It would’ve been maybe a  _little_  annoying if the gossip wasn’t true. But all of the things the other students said were true. 

The gossiping would’ve also been more troubling, if Ryan actually minded being alone. But he didn’t. 

Alone was peaceful, alone was calmer than the rest of the world. 

There was no one to hurt. Ryan didn’t mind hurting people, it was just annoying to have someone around all the time. Then, when Ryan failed to meet normal standards once again, it was annoying to have the person run up to him everyday and get in his face about how much of a ‘jerk, moron, or nutcase’ he was. 

He already knew. 

That’s why Ryan didn’t build relationships. He didn’t know how to build them or maintain them. It was like a garden that needed water and light and he was neither rain nor sun. 

So here he was sitting alone in the cafeteria, at a seat that faced the window. Ryan enjoyed looking out of the building meant to contain him for several hours a day. He’d much rather be outside. The school building was too noisy and musty with high strung hormonal adolescents. Ryan would give anything for some fresh air. He was mid sigh when he heard a lunch tray clatter onto the empty space beside him. Ryan turned his head to look at the tray. 

The plastic chair made a  _skreee!_  as it was pulled from the table, and a boy sat down in it. Ryan rose an eyebrow as the other student cut Ryan his chocolate brown eyes and began shoveling the school slop into his mouth. 

Ryan didn’t say anything, then turned to look out the window. He finished the sigh he was working on before the boy had joined him at his table. Out of the corner of his eye, he could still see the red curls bob every once in a while as his head moved. Ryan’s view of the window was obscured for a moment when two other people dropped their trays onto the table. 

"Why the hell are you sitting over here, Michael?" Another male student asked. He pushed his black glasses into place and took his seat. He passed his hand over his dark hair and groaned. "There’s already someone sitting here. It’s rude just to take over the table like this." The boy turned to Ryan. "Pardon my friend, I’m Ray. Is it okay if we sit here?"

Ray waited for Ryan to respond. When he didn’t, Ray nervously brought his eyes to the girl next to him. Barbara, looked down the table at Ryan. 

"Hey, you! Can we sit here or not?" She asked. 

"He’s not talking, he’s probably pissed, we should leave em alone." Ray’s brow furrowed. 

"If he’s not complaining, I’m sure he doesn’t mind." Michael spoke with his mouth full. 

"Well…" Barbara hesitated. 

"Gavin! Over here!" Ray stood up, waving his arms to flag down the foreign exchange student. A few moments passed as the blonde boy weaved his way through the now crowded cafeteria. 

"Bleeding hell, guys. I was so confused." Gavin rolled his eyes as he sat down. Ryan turned his head to look at him. 

 _Something different._ Ryan thought, enjoying the way the boy’s accent hummed in his ears. 

"I was at our usual spot, and there was no one there. The weather is nice today. Why aren’t we eating outside?" Gavin frowned at his new friends.

"We can do that?"

Everyone turned their heads as Ryan spoke for the first time since he’s been to the school. The whole month he’s been here, he hasn’t said a word. He’s never had anything to say really. 

But, he’s been dreaming of going outside every day of school. Being trapped in here for hours on end would be so much easier to manage if he could at least go outside in the middle of the day. 

Gavin hadn’t noticed Ryan when he first sat down at the table. Now that he has, the Brit’s face lit up. He really enjoyed meeting new people. 

"Oh, hello." Gavin smiled. Ryan didn’t give any facial expression back, he felt smiling was highly unnecessary. Instead he repeated his question. “What is your name?” 

"We can go outside to eat?" Ryan asked.

"Um, yeah. If we want we can exit through the gymnasium and —" Gavin stopped speaking as Ryan got up from the table and headed out of the cafeteria, leaving the half eaten food on his tray. "Alright then." 

"Who the hell was that guy?" Ray asked the group. 

"I think it was James Haywood, the new guy that just came here. Everyone says he and his whole family are a bit…odd." Barbara explains. 

"Who’s odd?" A senior approached the table. Usually, younger students get intimidated by the upperclassmen. But Ray, Michael, and Barbara had been good friends with this particular gentlemen and a few others for a long time. 

"Hey Geoff, sit down." Michael offered. 

"Nah," Geoff ran his hand up his tattooed arm. "I gotta meet Griffon and Jack in five minutes to work on our final project in the library." Geoff reached down and took the cookie off of the tray in front of him. "Who’s food?"

"Apparently some guy named James…I dunno." Michael said. 

"He’s so weird. He doesn’t talk and he ran outside like a lunatic when Gavin told him he could go eat out there. And he just left his food…" Barbara shook her head. "I wouldn’t eat that, there’s probably crazy people DNA all over that."

"Eh, he didn’t touch the cookie so I’m good." Geoff bit into the chewy goodness of the dessert. "If I was gonna run off and leave my food here, I would at least take the cookie. So you’re right, he is out of his mind."

"Would you guys stop talking about him, please?" Gavin looked down at his hands in his lap as he spoke. 

"What? Why?" Barbara asked. "What difference does it make?" 

"He’s new, and I’m sure he’s not as bad as everyone keeps saying he is. I’m new myself, and I know how hard it can be." Gavin began. "Also, it’s really immature. So what if he’s a bit odd? We all are. Picking on someone because they're different is really low." Gavin rose from the table bringing his tray with him. 

"Where are you going? I’m sorry about making fun of James, don’t leave." Barbara frowned. 

"Yeah, stay." Ray patted Gavin’s space at the table.

"Don’t apologize to me, say sorry to James." Gavin shook his head. "I’m going to go eat outside with him. I want to make sure he’s ok." 

"But-"

"I’ll see you all after school." Gavin smiled at his friends to let them know that he wasn’t too upset with them, then he left the cafeteria to go search for Ryan outside. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fan Art beautifully made by the lovely: Loleifos  
> I feel like I'm flying whenever I look at their beautiful art. It's like they're seeing what I'm seeing in my head, which is lovely, also very freaky.
> 
> <3 I love you, Loleifos


	2. Outside

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Will you sit down next to me?" Gavin asked. Ryan thought about it.  
> He questioned what it would mean if he sat…what it would mean to Gavin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> So another chapter. I'm already working on the third. I don't know why this is so easy to write, but I like it. I think I'm just eager to find out more about what's going on in Ryan's head. Ignore me :)
> 
> And As Always,  
> Thanks for reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

Ryan heard feet approaching him, but he didn’t bother seeing who they belonged to. The feet stopped just to the side of him, and then the person sat down in the grass. Ryan glanced down to see a head of blonde frayed hair. He remembered it belonging to the boy from the table named Gavin. But, Gavin had friends and people tend to stay in herds with their friends. Why would Gavin be out here? Maybe it’s because he wanted to eat outside like he mentioned earlier. Ryan gave a glance to the picnic tables a few feet back. He could’ve eaten there. Why was he at Ryan’s feet like a puppy then?

"Sorry about them." Gavin spoke. "My mates, I mean. They aren’t usually rude. Well, I guess you don’t consider them rude do you? They didn’t really say anything to you."

Ryan remained silent as he looked across the open field. It was about noon and the sun was beating down on them, but Ryan paid no mind to it. He felt sweat beginning to keep his shirt close to his skin. It didn’t bother him much. 

"Do you want this, James?" Gavin held the cookie from his lunch up to Ryan. The older looked down, took the item from the Brit. He inspected it closely. The wrapper was a thin parchment paper with pink flowers decorated over it. Gavin watched as Ryan turned the wrapped up cookie over to each side, feeling the texture of it, measuring the size of it with his touch. Ryan brought it to his nose, taking in its scent. 

Finally, he unwrapped it. Gavin smiled in anticipation as he took his first bite. Ryan chewed thoughtfully, still no facial reactions like a smile or frown. Still no words passed his lips. Another bite into the cookie and Ryan wiped crumbs from his mouth. 

"Will you sit down next to me?" Gavin asked. Ryan thought about it. He questioned what it would mean if he sat…what it would mean to Gavin. It would mean nothing to himself. Still, he liked to follow orders, to limit the need to socialize. Without using his hands, Ryan lowered himself to the ground and folded his legs. Gavin smiled again when he sat down. Ryan turned his head and looked at Gavin. Up close, he noticed the color of Gavin’s eyes. Green like tree leaves. 

Gavin looked at Ryan too. The older male had soft blue eyes, and hair the color of sweet unfiltered honey. Sort of gold in some places, gentle brown in others. He wondered what he would look like if he smiled. 

"Is it good?" Gavin pointed to the cookie in Ryan’s hand. Ryan looked down at it and brought it to his mouth to take another bite. Gavin took that as a sign that he liked it. "You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to. I don’t mind." Gavin rose an eyebrow. "Ok, James?"

"Ryan." The older student corrected. 

"I’m sorry?"

"Ryan." He repeated. 

"You want me to call you Ryan?" Gavin leaned his head to the side.

"My mother used to call me James…" 

"You don’t like that, then?" Gavin asked. Ryan didn’t say anything else. "Is Ryan your middle name? Or just a name you prefer?" Gavin watched as Ryan took another bite of the cookie. When Ryan didn’t explain further Gavin shrugged. "Well, it doesn’t matter why you want to be called Ryan. You don’t need a reason do you? I’ll just call you 'Ryan', Ryan."

"I don’t like raisins." Ryan commented as he finished the cookie. He shook the crumbs from the flowered wrapper. 

"Why did you eat the cookie then? You didn’t have to." Gavin watched as Ryan neatly folded the wrapper and placed it in his pocket. "Do you want anything else from my tray? I’m sorry." Gavin looked down at the options. There was the other half of his sandwich, some fruit, and…

Gavin heard Ryan moving into a standing position. Ryan took another look at the open school yard before turning to walk back into the school. 

"Ryan?" Gavin stood up, careful not to spill his tray. "Class doesn’t start for at least another 20 minutes. You don’t have to go back in. I know you like it outside."

Ryan held his hand on the door’s handle. He looked back at Gavin. He debated going back to sit with Gavin. But, he took his eyes from the younger boy and walked into the school building. 

Staying out there with Gavin would do no good anyway.


	3. To Grandmother's House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hadn’t accounted for his search for something different in life to lead him to a person. He disliked people, he didn’t want people. Yet, there was Gavin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOW INCLUDING BEAUTIFUL, FLAWLESS, PERFECT FAN ART BY: Loleifos  
> I am so in love with their drawings and it honestly made me cry!
> 
> Hello, hello!
> 
> Sorry if there are a million typos. I'll fix them eventually if there are. I'm so tired you guys. I'm soooo tired. But I liked this chapter so I'm going to update the chapter anyway. So forgive me <3
> 
> ALSO, omfg guys. I love this Ryan. I think this is one of my favorite Ryans that I've written.  
> I was just telling my Jelly Bean that I'm used to Ryan being strong and dominant and confident, but this one is soooo opposite and I love him. ANYWAY, ignore me. 
> 
> Ok, enjoy sweeties while I nap and get yelled at by my mom for being lazy. I love you :)
> 
> And As Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

"What do you guys want to do after school?" Ray asked as he followed Barbara and Michael down the front steps of the school building. 

"Where’s Gavin?" Michael gave a question as well. 

"Probably just getting out of class. The English teachers tend to talk the most." Barbara shrugged and the trio sat down on the steps. The sea of students moved around them as if they were programmed to do so and they went on their way. Eventually the flow of students died down and the small group of friends became tired of waiting. 

"Maybe we should just go." Michael offered. 

"No, I think I see him coming out…with James." Barbara was surprised to see the two of them together. 

"Shut the fuck up, are you serious?" Michael rose to his feet. "Gavin!" Michael called. The younger male waved excitedly to his friends. 

"Hello!" Gavin responded, keeping pace with Ryan who was quickly making his way out of the school ahead of him. "Ryan, wait!" He said. Ryan stopped in his tracks a few feet in front of the others. 

"What’s up, Gav?" Michael asked the Brit. 

"Guys, this is Ryan." Gavin motioned to the older student, who was looking off into the distance. Ryan was listening, though it was hard to tell that he was. 

"Ryan?" Michael repeated. 

"Yeah." Gavin nodded happily. 

"I thought his name was James?" Barbara arched an eyebrow at Ryan. 

"Yeah, but he doesn’t like that." Gavin tried to think of how to explain it. "Just…call him Ryan. It makes him feel more comfortable."

"How do you know?" Michael scoffed. "He doesn’t fucking talk."

"I just…know. He told me to call him Ryan." Gavin shrugged. "It doesn’t matter why he likes it better, he doesn’t have to say why. If he wants to be called Ryan, let him be called Ryan."

"Fine, whatever." Michael agreed.

"Thank you, Michael." Gavin smiled. "He deserves respect rather he talks or not. You know?" Gavin looked over at Ryan. "Can Ryan come hang out with us today?"

"Uh…" Barbara’s brow furrowed. Michael and Ray exchanged glances. "Sure?"

"Awesome! Do you want to come, Ryan?" Gavin turned to him. Ryan took his eyes from the horizon and looked over at Gavin. He simply shook his head and began walking the rest of the way down the stairs. Gavin’s lips parted as if he’d say something. No words came out and he followed Ryan down the steps. "Hey, Ryan!"

Gavin ran out in front of Ryan and stood in his way. Ryan’s eyes narrowed a bit, he was beginning to be annoyed by Gavin’s presence. He wasn’t sure why Gavin was trying so hard to be around him. The entire day Gavin waved at Ryan when they crossed paths, held doors open for him, and even traded seats with classmates to sit next to him during class. 

Gavin had no idea how he hadn’t previously noticed that Ryan was in his classes. Maybe it was because Ryan was so quiet, and Gavin wasn’t there on the first day the older male came to the school. He’d been out sick when Ryan was presented to the students. 

Ryan took a step to the side to try and pass Gavin, but once again Gavin stood in his way. 

"Why don’t you want to come hang out with us?" Gavin demanded to know the answer. 

"Home." Ryan tried to walk around him again, but Gavin stepped into his path. 

"You need to go home now?" Gavin inquired. Ryan didn’t look at him and stood still. "Do you have something to do at home?" Gavin asked. Ryan remained silent. "Talk to me, Ryan."

Ryan pushed passed Gavin gently, this time Gavin didn’t try to stop him. Ryan walked quickly down the street towards his grandmother’s house. His quick steps soon transitioned into running. He ran all the way there, not looking back. He was afraid to stop and turn to see Gavin right behind him, even though the chances of the younger male following him all this way was highly unlikely. He ran until he couldn’t run anymore and he stopped to breathe. He was wet with sweat and his lungs worked hard to feed him more oxygen. He sighed with relief as he glanced over his shoulder to find that he was alone.

He picked up his head to look at his grandmother’s house. The structure sat proudly on the edge of farm property. It was the only house on the street that hadn’t been newly modernized. It was also the only house to still keep its farm. The town had purchased the farm lots from every other house in the neighborhood, but his grandmother had fought to keep hers. 

His grandmother’s farm didn’t produce much anymore, and there were a few farm workers still on hand. Ryan liked to watch them work sometimes, and his grandmother made him help out once a week. Ryan didn’t mind. The extra work had given his body a bit more bulk than he’d had prior to arriving on the farm. Ryan noticed the changes. He wasn’t sure how to feel about them. 

His grandmother was old now, she was thin and frail but had just as much wit as she had when she was younger. Ryan remembers her as the only person in his family that actually spoke to him. He hardly saw her though when he still lived in Georgia because she lived here in Texas. Out of all of the people he wished he could talk to in his life, it was her. Even still, speaking to her was hard. The main thing he wished he could tell her now, was that he hated when she called him James, but he couldn’t even get that out. Why was it so easy to say to Gavin?

Even though Ryan couldn’t speak to her that well, it didn’t stop her from talking to Ryan though. Because she was too old to do the housework, Ryan took those jobs. He cooked and cleaned. It didn’t bother him. He sometimes had to stay up later to do his homework, but Ryan didn’t like to sleep. 

He preferred to lay awake and think. He loved to think and he thought about everything. To him, sleep was the absence of thought and it was highly disorienting every time. But, as soon as he woke again, he’d begin thinking more. It’s probably why he enjoyed keeping journals. It was a way he could remember his thoughts. 

Right now, he was thinking of running upstairs to place his new item on his cork-board. He sighed with relief as he glanced over his shoulder to find that he was alone. With the reassurance putting a boost in his step, he walked up the wooden steps and opened his grandmother’s home. 

"Home." Ryan announced to his grandmother as he stepped into the front door. 

"James, come here." She spoke from her bedroom. Ryan gave a brief sigh, making his way to her room. He’d still wanted to go upstairs to his cork-board. As he entered she looked him over. "Shouldn’t you wear something better to school?" She looked at his loose jeans and t-shirt. "In my day, young men wore proper slacks and button down shirts."

"Too hot." Ryan frowned and shrugged his shoulders. 

"You know I don’t like it when you shrug your shoulders. It’s a lazy response." She commented and Ryan looked down. "Don’t be upset now, I just want you to be presentable for a nice young lady, James." She reached forward to pet his arm. "You’re so handsome, I want someone else to see it besides me." She sat up in her bed and took a sip of her water. "Now, go clean up and get started on dinner ok? Then do your homework." Ryan nodded then slinked out of her room quickly. 

He could still feel where her hand had been on his arm and it burned like fire. Being touched wasn’t something Ryan was comfortable with. He frowned hard as he took two stairs at a time up to his room on the second floor. Mimi couldn’t go up stairs anymore, so her residence was now on the first floor. Ryan liked this because it meant that the entire second floor was his to roam about, and he didn’t have to wear clothes to bed in this hot weather. 

As he entered his room, he dropped his backpack to the floor and took off his shirt. He cut his eyes to the cork-board that hung up on the wall. He called it his “Something Different” display board. He had pinned up a few things like a fortune cookie that had a riddle in it instead of a fortune, a small blue flower that he’d found amongst all of the yellow ones outside, and bottle cap from his first soda upon moving here. The bottle cap was different because his mother only allowed him water and fruit juice. After soda became more of a usual thing to him, he believed that he might take the bottle cap off of the board. 

Once he stripped his shirt from his body, he then tossed it lazily onto his bed. His hand dug into his pocket and retrieved the wrapper from the cookie that Gavin had given him. Ryan pulled the chair out from the desk and sat down.

With a black marker he wrote on the wrapper:  **"Gavin gave this to me, I still hate raisins"**. Then, he got up and pinned it neatly to the cork-board. 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/152731721@N07/37483173641/in/dateposted-public/)

He took a step back and looked at his new addition to his collection. He ran his thumb over the wrapper and he almost wanted to smile but he didn’t. He had to remind himself that Gavin didn’t mean anything to him. They hadn’t even known each other for a day. But, Gavin…he was something different. Ryan didn’t know why he felt that of Gavin. He’d at first thought it was his accent. However, it was more than that. The way that Gavin treated Ryan…it was something different. The way he looked at Ryan, and spoke to him. No one else Ryan had ever encountered was like Gavin. Instead of being something comforting, it upset Ryan a bit. He hadn’t accounted for his search for something different in life to lead him to a person. He disliked people, he didn’t want people. Yet, there was Gavin. Gentle as a spring breeze and friendlier than a mutt. 

Ryan didn’t want to befriend Gavin. Not now or ever. Ryan was mostly interested in something different. He’d found it, or…found him rather. And so that was that. He found him, and that was all he wanted to do. Ryan is in this for the search, so now that he’d found Gavin, he didn’t need to interact with him anymore. He could continue his search for other things different and forget about Gavin. 

Still, he thought about the answer to the question that Gavin had asked…about why he ate the cookie if he didn’t like it. 

As Ryan left the bedroom to go wash up before he cooked himself and Mimi dinner, he decided that if he saw Gavin again at school tomorrow, he’d tell him why he ate the cookie…

And then be done with Gavin entirely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fan Art beautifully made by the lovely: Loleifos  
> I feel like I'm flying whenever I look at their beautiful art. It's like they're seeing what I'm seeing in my head, which is lovely, also very freaky. 
> 
> <3 I love you, Loleifos


	4. Rain, Go Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "But, I don’t mind if you don’t talk, I told you that I don’t care." Gavin shrugged. "You don’t even have to look at me…but I can’t sit here and let you be alone."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> I'm leaving for a road trip and I don't know if I'll have wifi any time soon, so I'm uploading this part before I go!  
> I hope it's alright, I'm excited for the next one! Sorry if there's typos, I didn't have to time to really check.  
> I love you all sooooo much, you're beautiful!
> 
> And As Always (seriously you guys are great!),  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin
> 
> PS If you guys want to kik me or email while/if I'm going to be away for a little while. Or whenever really. You can!
> 
> Kik: ThatMavin  
> Email: thatmavin@gmail.com
> 
> Tumblr 1: thatmavin.tumblr.com  
> Tumblr 2: thatmavinfanfics.tumblr.com

Ryan woke up to thunder.

It shook the wooden house, and brought Ryan from his disorienting slumber. He glanced at the clock and pushed himself onto his other side. He yawned. He didn’t have to be up for another hour. He tried to shut his eyes back, he didn’t feel like sleeping. But, he didn’t feel like ‘being’ yet. 

When his attempts failed, he rose from bed and removed his clothes, visited the bathroom, cleaned up and put on fresh clothing. As he grabbed his backpack from his room, Ryan looked at his cork-board. It made him think about Gavin. He’d thought about him in the shower too. It was annoying thinking about someone you wished to have no contact with. He shut his door harder than usual, trying to seal the thoughts of Gavin in the room and leave them there. 

He trotted down the stairs, ready to make breakfast for Mimi. Ryan filled the kettle with water and left it to boil as he went to check up on her. He heard violent coughing as he approached her room. 

"Mimi?" Ryan said her name. She looked shocked to see him as he entered her room. She put a hand over her chest and pointed to her water on the table next to her bed. Ryan brought the glass to her, holding the straw between his fingers to guide it to her lips. She pushed the drink away after a few moments. 

"Thank you, James." She smiled softly at him. His brow furrowed in concern. It was the first time in a while that Ryan showed any emotion on his face, rather than something simple like disgust or curiosity. Which…weren’t really emotions anyway he supposed. 

His grandmother reached forward to hold his hand. It made Ryan uncomfortable, but he allowed it. He was actually a bit glad that it was happening.

"I’m alright. Don’t worry. I just need my medicine. Will you go pick it up for me after school?"

Ryan nodded. 

"Thank you, I left the money on the kitchen table. We also need more groceries. You can take the car to school so you won’t have to carry all the groceries back from town. There’s money for that as well."

He nodded again. 

"Good, well, get to school." She motioned to the door. He shook his head. 

"Breakfast." His voice was insistent. He didn’t like it when she wouldn’t eat, and without her medicine, she had no appetite. 

"I’m not hungry anyway." She frowned. Ryan rolled his eyes. It was early now, so he didn’t have to go to school for a while. The kettle began to whistle from the kitchen, so he left Mimi’s bed room.

He prepared the tea, toast, and eggs. It wasn’t much, but Ryan didn’t have a lot of options because they were running low on groceries. Also, he knew Mimi wouldn’t eat much.  He made enough for her and for himself to eat. Ryan wasn’t hungry either, but Mimi ate best when Ryan joined her. 

The two of them ate together while Mimi watched her morning shows, things about fishing. Mimi used to like to fish, but she only watched them because Papa used to watch them. Papa was Ryan’s grandfather. He passed away a while ago from some form of cancer that Ryan was too young at the time to remember the name of. And, he was never going to ask. 

As they finished up breakfast, Mimi sighed happily as she looked at Ryan. He looked away.

"Why don’t you talk, James?" Mimi asked. Ryan cringed internally when he couldn’t bring any words from his lips. 

Just fucking once, _just once_  he wanted to be able to say something when he wanted to. He struggled so hard to be able to say anything. Sometimes it feels like he just doesn’t want or need to say something. Other times, it felt like physically he couldn’t make the words come. As if they were blocked by something heavy. Was it emotion? Or, was it just how his brain worked? He could never tell, but it made him angry inside sometimes. So angry, that after he thought about why the words couldn’t come out, he didn’t feel like talking anymore anyway. 

"It doesn’t matter I suppose." Mimi chuckled. "Your mother didn’t talk much either." 

That was the last Ryan could take. Being compared to his  _mother_?

 

_Mimi are you fucking kidding me right now!?_

_My mom!?_

_The person who I can honestly said drove me over the edge?_

_The one who hurt me so badly...you try to say that I’m anything like her??_

 

"School." Ryan rose up from his seat besides Mimi’s bed, taking the empty plates with him. 

"Oh, alright. I forgot." She smiled up at Ryan. "Say hello to the farmworkers before you go?"

"Bye." 

"Wait!" She called. "It’s still raining do you have an umbrella?"

He shook his head.

"There’s a raincoat in the closet. It was Papa’s. You can take it." Mimi offered. Ryan stood with his back facing her for a moment longer before he left the room. He didn’t take the jacket.

_____________________________

Ryan didn’t go say hi to the workers outside. But, he did look at them…not that it helped anything. He walked out of the back door of the home and approached the barn closest to the house. It wasn’t because of the workers, it was because that’s where Mimi instructed Ryan to keep Papa’s car. 

It’s funny, because the entire barn used to be full of animals. Now, there’s just one car here. The animals were in a barn further down the property. 

Still, Ryan passed the men on the way to the barn, and he did look at them. 

"Morning Mr. Haywood." One of the men said. Ryan new that it would be rude not to say anything, but he didn’t want to speak to the men. "I said…good morning."

"That boy don’t know how to talk." The other man chuckled, Ryan could smell the booze on him from where he stood. 

"Leave em, alone." Another joined in his laughter. "He’s a smart boy. He already knows not to talk to your dumb ass." The men laughed together. Ryan rolled his eyes. 

Ryan wanted to think bad things about the men. They were mostly all drunks, and they came in from town. Ryan recognized their last names as the same of some students he went to school with. That didn’t matter to him. But what did matter, is that they truly cared about the farm and they truly cared about Mimi. They took good care of both of them. 

While Ryan was at school. They would come in and make Mimi food. Ryan was grateful for that. And once, Mimi had collapsed and stopped breathing, they stayed with her and did CPR until the ambulance came. Ryan was grateful for that too. Lastly, the farm looked beautiful every year, so he couldn’t complain. 

So, instead of sticking around to listen to their jokes, Ryan left the men to their laughter. He got in the car and began driving down the road. Ryan liked driving. It made him feel powerful and unstoppable. The rain pattered on the roof in a rhythm that almost made Ryan sleepy, but something bright amongst the grey weather caught Ryan’s eye. He saw gold hair peeking from beneath a beanie hat.  _Gavin_?

Ryan stopped the car. He didn’t know why…but he did. Gavin stopped walking when the window rolled down. 

"Ryan?" Gavin peered into the car with a smile. "Hello, good morning. Nice car."

"School." Ryan unlocked the door. He couldn’t believe what he was doing. Inside, he was yelling at himself for doing it. But, it was as if he couldn’t stop himself. Sometimes, it really did feel like Ryan had no control over his body.

"I can get in?" Gavin asked. Ryan nodded. "Cheers, mate." Gavin said as he entered the vehicle. Gavin didn’t have on a jacket either. His shirt was completely soaked and Ryan could hear him sniffling already. Ryan spared a glance at Gavin before he continued driving. The younger student was trembling slightly. 

Ryan reached his hand forward and turned on the heat. It made him uncomfortably warm immediately, but he was glad to see Gavin sigh with relief. “Thank you, Ryan.” 

Ryan reveled in the way Gavin consistently used his preferred name. He almost wanted to smile again. Then, he remembered what he wanted to tell Gavin. About why he ate the cookie. 

The more he thought about it, it was the lamest think to be itching to tell anyone. But, Ryan felt like if he did it, he could stop thinking about Gavin. So, he told him. 

"Because you gave it to me." Ryan spoke. 

"What?" Gavin asked. Ryan sighed because he didn’t want to repeat himself. 

"I ate the cookie because you gave it to me." Ryan said again. "And…you’re different."

"You ate it because of me?" Gavin frowned in confusion. "You shouldn’t have done that…I’m flattered but…you shouldn’t do things because people want you to. You should do them if  _you_  want to.”

"I wanted to,  _because_  of you.”

"Well, that’s complicated…but very sweet." Gavin smiled. "You’re talking a lot today." Gavin commented, though, Ryan didn’t say anything more until they reached the school building. 

_____________________________

Ryan drove the car onto the school property. Gavin sat up and looked around the virtually empty parking lot.

"We’re early." He stated.

"Gavin," Ryan thought of how to say what he needed to say. 

"I don’t think you’ve said my name before." The Brit grinned. "I quite like it."

"We can’t be friends." Ryan parked the car in the student lot and turned it off. 

"Why not?" Gavin asked, Ryan didn’t answer. "Can we eat lunch together again today? We don’t have to eat with my friends if that makes you uncomfortable." Gavin waited for Ryan to respond. "Why do I feel like…you’re giving up?"

Ryan turned, facing Gavin in his seat. He didn’t understand what the younger boy meant. It was evident on his face that he was confused, so Gavin elaborated.

"Communicating is hard for you, I’m gathering?" Gavin asked. Ryan didn’t give any type of response. "Ok, I get that. It’s not easy for me sometimes either. Though your case of ‘the silence’ is much more severe than mine obviously…"

"The silence?" Ryan rose a brow.

"But, I don’t mind if you don’t talk, I told you that I don’t care." Gavin shrugged. "You don’t even have to look at me…but I can’t sit here and let you be alone."

"Why?" Ryan asked. 

"Because, you’re better than that." 

"What?"

"Ryan, you’re a good person. I can just tell, and you’re genuine." Gavin sighed. "I’m so bloody sick of hanging out with my friends sometimes. They’re all great and fun. But…I don’t feel this way around them. I feel comfortable with you."

Ryan fidgeted in his seat. He didn’t like the feeling that he gets when he’s being complimented.

"I feel like you’re honest with people, I feel like you…don’t try to ‘fit in’ or do what everyone else is doing." Gavin looked at Ryan. "You said I was different, well…I think you’re different too. I like that." Gavin picked up his backpack from the floor. 

Ryan watched as Gavin ran his slender fingers through his wet hair. 

"I’m not saying we have to be friends, but…if you still feel like being different with me, then come find me during lunch. Bring your tray to the gym." 

"We can’t eat outside, it’s raining." Ryan commented. 

"Just bring your damn tray to the gym, I didn’t say we were going outside." Gavin rolled his eyes and laughed. "Silly, Ryan."

"But-"

"Will you bloody smile? Once?" Gavin begged, poking out his lower lip.

"If I don’t join you at lunch today, will you still be in the gym?"

"Yeah, I don’t feel like eating with my friends." Gavin shrugged. "So, you’ll join me then?" Ryan didn’t say anything. Gavin searched Ryan’s eyes with his before smiling again. The older male did nothing, and Gavin didn’t mind. Gavin opened the car door. "Thanks for the ride." He flashed another smile then walked through the rain into the school building. 

Ryan sat alone in his car, thinking about what was happening. He pressed his hand over his mouth and rested his forehead on the steering wheel. He said nothing, but inside he was screaming. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. He wished he could suck all of the words he’d given to Gavin back inside himself. 

Why was talking to Gavin so easy?? Why did the words stumble out of his mouth when he couldn’t even talk to his own family?? Why did Gavin make him feel this way?? He despised Gavin for this. 

The rain continued falling and Ryan remained in his car, covering his mouth shut wishing he could just keep it closed forever.


	5. Lunch with Gavin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He just…I’ve heard things about his mom. Why she had to get put in some crazy house and why Ryan had to come here. I wouldn’t spend too much time around him. I care about you, I don’t want this guy to fuck you up."
> 
> "Ryan isn’t his mother." Gavin hissed and left Michael standing there in the hall alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> Sorry if the beginning of this chapter is a snore-fest. But the bit with Ryan and Gavin having lunch together is worth it in my opinion. I didn't have a ton of time to write, but I really didn't want to leave you guys hanging and I'm not sure when I'll be able to write more while I'm still away on my trip! So enjoy this chapter and I'll talk to you all real soon. :)
> 
> And As Always,  
> Thanks for reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

"Gavin!" Michael called as he weaved through the hallway full of students to the Brit’s locker where he stood exchanging one book for another. Gavin turned to greet him as he approached, they both were smiling ear to ear. They really did enjoy each other’s company. 

"Hello, Michael!" 

"We’ll be at our usual cafeteria spot so you won’t have to be confused this time, dummy." The redhead laughed as he reached forward poked Gavin in the forehead. 

"No, um, I’m going to eat somewhere else today, actually." Gavin avoided Michael’s gaze. 

"What now?"

"I want to eat alone." Gavin shrugged. Michael’s eyes narrowed a bit.

"Oh."

"There’s this book I want to get into and-"

"Gonna fucking eat with Ryan?" Michael asked. 

"Well, he might-"

"What’s with you two?" 

"Excuse me?" Gavin frowned. 

"I’ve just been noticing the two of you together…yesterday and today." Michael leaned against the wall of lockers. "Is something going on?"

"I’m just being friendly. Is that against the rules in this bloody school?" Gavin closed his locker. 

"I dunno, maybe it is when you ditch your friends to hang with some antisocial weirdo." Michael shook his head. "You’re fucking new, and we let you hang with us because you’re a great dude. But…Ryan is-"

"There is absolutely nothing wrong with Ryan." Gavin held his book to his chest. "Want to know the truth? I used to think that hanging out with you and the others was great, it is great. I’ve never had so much fun in my life than hanging out with you all. But you people are some of the most ignorant beings I have ever met." 

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Ryan is obviously unusual. I can’t deny that. But that doesn’t mean he’s not worth getting to know."

"Gavin, I’m not trying to be rude…I’m not. But fuck I don’t think investing so much time in him is a good idea."

"Why not?"

"He just…I’ve heard things about his mom. Why she had to get put in some crazy house and why Ryan had to come here. I wouldn’t spend too much time around him. I care about you, I don’t want this guy to fuck you up."

"Ryan isn’t his mother." Gavin hissed and left Michael standing there in the hall alone.

_____________________________

Gavin avoided Michael’s stare as he stood in line at the cafeteria. His group of friends were sitting at their usual spot. Normally, Gavin would be too afraid to stand up to people, especially if it was against people he called friends. But, there was something about speaking up for Ryan who wouldn’t speak for himself made him feel invincible. He knew Ryan didn’t really want to say anything to Michael or the others, nor was he aware that they group spoke so judgmentally of him…but it didn’t matter. 

Letting someone get bullied and doing nothing is just as bad as bullying the person yourself…and Gavin wasn’t about to do that to Ryan. 

Once he had his food, Gavin went into the gym like he said he would. And, he wasn’t lying to Michael about the book either. He had his book with him. He flipped through the pages as he nibbled on his sandwhich. 

About twenty pages into his book, the gym doors opened and Gavin looked up to see Ryan standing there. Gavin smiled happily. 

"You showed up!" He cheered. Ryan walked across the empty gym, his feet sounded hallow against the polished wood. Gavin was seated under the bleachers, Ryan joined him. Gavin observed Ryan then he gave a sigh. "Where the hell is your food?"

Ryan did nothing but look at Gavin, his usual expressionless face. But, at least now Gavin could gather that no expression was good. Confused or annoyed expressions were bad. Risen eyebrows or curious expressions were also good. But, this one was blank which meant Ryan didn’t really have an opinion on the matter, or anything to say really. 

"I’ll share my food with you, but I’m a growing boy too. I need my full portions. You have to bring your own food from now on, ok?" Gavin asked. Ryan sat up a bit taller and shrugged. "You’re so silly." Gavin commented as he exteneded half of his sandwich to Ryan. As Ryan reached for the offering, Gavin retracted it away. "Wait."

Ryan rose an eyebrow.

"We have to start a new rule, ok?" Gavin made sure that Ryan was listening. "Only take something from me if you like it."

Ryan thought about it for a moment, then gave a small nod. 

"I mean it, if I find out that you’re just taking it because of some ‘me being different’ reason again, you’re in trouble." 

Ryan leaned his head to the side.

"Don’t play innocent with me. You don’t have to say anything for me to know that you understand what I’m saying." Gavin extended the sandwich again. "This is turkey, do you like it?"

Ryan took the sandwich and bit off a large piece of it and began to chew. Gavin watched for any sign that Ryan was actually enjoying it, but Ryan’s face gave little clues. 

"Ryan…" Gavin gave a serious tone. "Tell me if you like it."

Ryan had been staring off into space once again. He brought his blue eyes back to Gavin. 

"Ryan Haywood, do you like turkey or not? I’ll take the sandwich back." Gavin held out his hand to take it away.

"Yes." Ryan replied with his mouth full.

"You like it?" Gavin confirmed. "Good. Mental Note: Ryan likes turkey sandwiches."

Ryan wiped the corner of his mouth. 

"Let’s try this again." Gavin looked at his tray. He picked up a juice box containing grape juice. "Do you like grape juice?"

Ryan frowned and shook his head. 

"Milk?" Gavin held up the small cartoon.

Ryan nodded. 

"Here." Gavin gifted Ryan the milk. "We have to keep you hydrated too. Bones strong and all that stuff."

Ryan opened the carton and drank the contents and finished his sandwich. 

"Final test, are you ready? This is the boss level." Gavin smirked. Ryan wore a curious expression. "Do you, Ryan…like…" Gavin picked up a cookie wrapped in more printed parchment paper. This one was covered in many small blue balloons. "Do you like chocolate chip cookies?"

Ryan’s eyes actually widened, he nodded his head so hard that his honey colored hair fell in a different direction. 

"Awesome. Take it." Gavin handed it over. Ryan examined it much like he’d done with the previous cookie. He turned it on every side and brought it to his nose. Gavin saw the corners of Ryan’s mouth twitch, not enough to be noted as a whole smile, but it was the closest Gavin had seen. Upon opening it, Ryan sighed contently at the scent of warm chocolate. 

He was about to take a bite when he noticed Gavin eyes on the dessert. Ryan thought for a moment before breaking the cookie in half. He extended the other half to Gavin. 

"Oh thank you." Gavin reached for it, but Ryan retracted the cookie back and gave Gavin a questioning look. "What?"

"Gavin, only take the cookie if you like it." 

"Are you…teasing me, Ryan?" Gavin smirked and folded his arms. Ryan didn’t give a mischievous smile like someone else would. Instead he looked down and back up at Gavin. Arching an eyebrow as he did so.

"Well?" Ryan asked. 

"Yes, silly. I like chocolate chip cookies." Gavin answered. Ryan placed the cookie in Gavin’s hand. Their finger tips brushed gently as the exchange was made. Ryan’s eyes flicked up into Gavin’s. For the first time in a while, being touched didn’t feel like flames to the skin. 

Ryan folded the cookie wrapper and put it in his pocket like the other one. Gavin noticed, but didn’t ask about it. 

"Thanks for having lunch with me." Gavin pushed the empty tray aside and picked up his book. Ryan eyed the object in the Brit’s hands. "Do you like reading?"

Ryan didn’t respond. Gavin didn’t need him too, but as Ryan continued to look at the book, Gavin read the title to him. Ryan was captivated completely it seemed. His focus was heavy on every word. 

"We still have time, I could read some to you if you’d like." Gavin offered. Ryan didn’t protest so Gavin rolled onto his stomach and began to read. Ryan rested his chin on his knees as he listened. Every once in a while, Gavin would glance up at Ryan to see if he was still paying attention and every time he was. 

_____________________________

After school, Ryan did the errands he had to do for Mimi, then drove home. Mimi was napping when he arrived so luckily he could run directly up the stairs to his cork-board. He pulled the new wrapper from his pocket and wrote on it:

**"Shared this with Gavin, I like chocolate chips cookies. I like eating lunch with Gavin."**

He took a step back from the board and he looked at the two wrappers sitting side by side. Ryan knew that he was getting closer and closer to Gavin, at this point he didn’t want to stop himself from doing so. Even when he really knew that he shouldn’t. As long as he kept his distance…spending time with Gavin wouldn’t be bad, right?

He wondered what Gavin would bring into his life tomorrow. Probably something different.


	6. Pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Always?" Ryan tasted the word on his tongue. He opened his eyes, scanning Gavin’s face to see if he meant it. No one had ever said it to him before. Gavin nodded. 
> 
> "Always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: I'm trying to fix the second piece of fanart for this chapter, absolutely forgive me if you see me changing them around! Only the first one is showing right now :)
> 
> NOW INCLUDING BEAUTIFUL, FLAWLESS, PERFECT FAN ART BY!  
> The popsicle fanart is by Loleifos  
> I am so in love with their drawings and it honestly made me cry!
> 
> The Picnic Table fanart is by the lovely Emma, you may find her on Tumblr, here: novmoonflower11.tumblr.com  
> I am absolutely in love with this piece of fanart, the details in their expression, clothing, positions is just so in character, it's literally like looking at Gavin and Ryan...and I can't deal! This also made me cry!
> 
> Hello, hello!
> 
> So guys, this chapter will give me the award for most typos ever. I barely had time to proofread. I'm so sorry, gosh I'm horrible. Please accept this? I wanted to get this posted before I had a busy night and wouldn't be able to. So, I'll proofread as soon as I get time and edit the heck out of this. 
> 
> I love you all, and I hope you are ready for the weekend. TOMORROW IS FRIDAY YES!
> 
> Ok, see you in the next one!
> 
> And as Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

A month went by quickly. Gavin had eaten lunch with Ryan in the gym all of those days, and outside when it wasn’t too hot or rainy. 

Gavin spent most of his time with Ryan, but sometimes with his other friends too. Ray still spent time with Gavin after school and on the weekends if Michael and Barbara didn’t scoop him up. Gavin and Michael still avoided each other. Barbara was friendly to Gavin as long as Ryan wasn’t around.

In the mornings on the way to school, Gavin waited at the point between his street, and the one Ryan walked to school. Eventually, Ryan would approach and they’d finish the walk together. 

Gavin did most of the talking of course. However, Ryan was talking more and more to Gavin. The Brit still hasn’t seen Ryan do a full on smile, nor has he heard him laugh. Gavin desperately wanted those things from Ryan, but like every other aspect of their friendship…it was going to take some time. 

_____________________________

Ryan had a few more things on the cork-board from Gavin. 

One of the new things being a popsicle stick. On their walk home, an ice cream truck was passing by. Gavin quickly asked Ryan if he wanted something from the truck. Ryan scrunched up his face at the idea. 

He didn’t have enough time to tell Gavin how shady he thought it was that some man in a truck drove around neighborhoods trying to lore children to him with ‘fun’ music and cheap frozen desserts. 

Gavin didn’t notice the displeased look on Ryan’s face as he paid for their treats. Gavin got a lemon-lime popsicle for himself, and a fruit punch one for Ryan. 

Their walk continued, and Gavin watched as Ryan stared at his popsicle that had began to drip.

"Ryan, bloody try it, would you?" Gavin rolled his eyes.

"It’s wet." Ryan frowned. 

"It’s melting because you’re not eating it."

Ryan gave a displeased noise. 

"Here, take mine, it’s not dripping, but you have to eat it now, Ryan." Gavin traded popsicles with Ryan.

"You’ve licked this one." Ryan grimaced holding the frozen item away from himself. 

"It’s not going to kill you. I’m not a disease ridden vermin."

"Eh…" Ryan uttered as he brought his tongue to the cold treat. The flavor was surprisingly refreshing. It was a bit sour, Ryan liked it. Well, other than he was ingesting Gavin’s germs along with it. 

"Is it good, Ry?" Gavin asked. Ryan nodded. "You’re such a baby sometimes."

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/152731721@N07/37483172371/in/dateposted-public/)

 

 

Gavin shook his head. Coming from anyone else, Ryan would have been annoyed to hear that comment. He would have felt like a burden. But, he knew Gavin meant it in the gentlest of terms. 

When they parted ways, Ryan finished the popsicle and jogged the rest of the way home. He flew into the house and up the stairs. After rinsing off the wooden stick in the sink, he pinned it to the board with a note attached to it:

**"I like popsicles. I don’t like Gavin germs. I shared this with Gavin."**

_____________________________

The two other new things on Ryan’s cork-board, were passed notes from Gavin. The first note read: 

Gavin: “Could this lecture be any more boring? I want to fling myself into the sun right now. Oh my god.”

Ryan: “Go away, but not literally. Don’t leave…just stop passing notes. You’re distracting me.”

When Gavin got Ryan’s reply, he chuckled, folded it up and flicked the note back at him. The way Ryan flinched when the paper hit him on the brow, made Gavin laugh a bit harder. As he slipped the note into his pocket, Ryan propped his head up on his palm and looked at the way Gavin’s smile brightened up his face. He’d never seen anyone happy like Gavin before, Gavin’s brand of happiness was unique just to him. 

_____________________________

The next note was similar, only it took place a week later and  in a different class. The difference though, was that this one was doodled on. 

Gavin had drawn stick figures of the two of them. The first one was holding a book, the other sat resting his chin on his knees. Ryan gathered that the first one was Gavin because he was reading to the second one the way they did at lunch. 

However, as Ryan received the note, he scoffed. Clicking his pen, he drew on the note and sent it back to Gavin who gave a horrendous wheezing laugh at what Ryan had done to the doodle. He’d drawn a giant nose onto the reading stick figure, to make it more obvious that it was Gavin. The wheeze-laugh-snort ensemble that Gavin did earned him a scolding from the teacher. 

The corners of Ryan’s mouth twitched, but he didn’t smile. Gavin flipped Ryan the bird every time the older student looked over, but of course he wasn’t upset. And, just like the last time, he flicked the note at Ryan, and Ryan kept this one too to put on his board. Unlike other items on the board, he didn’t post it along with a ‘caption’ of what happened. He let the notes speak for themselves.

_____________________________

After school on a Friday towards the end of the month Gavin and Ryan had been spending time together, Gavin followed Ryan down the front steps of the school. 

"What are you doing this weekend?" Gavin’s voice jittered as he trotted down the steps. 

"Homework." Ryan respond, squinting against the sun. 

"Can I come over?"

Ryan shook his head. 

"Why not?" Gavin leaned his head to the side. 

"I don’t do that. Never have had friends over." Ryan gave a shrug and began walking again. He stopped when he felt Gavin’s hand on his arm. It gripped him, kept him from moving without pulling Gavin along anyway. Ryan gave a slightly annoyed sigh as he turned to face the Brit. 

"Ok, so it was rude for me to ask to come over out of the blue. I’m sorry. But, um…" Gavin bit his lower lip. "Will you stay with me for a while?"

"Huh?" Ryan wore a surprised expression. 

"I mean…it’s…" Gavin fumbled over his words. "Well, we’re friends right?"

Ryan opened his mouth to respond but Gavin cut him off. 

"I mean, regardless of rather you like that idea or not." Gavin smirked. "I know what you were going to say."

Ryan closed his mouth, defeated. Gavin knew him well it seemed. Ryan thought about it for a moment, rather or not they were friends. He didn’t have much to think about, the fact they were was obvious. So, he gave up trying to convince himself that they weren’t. He nodded in response to Gavin’s question. 

"Good, so like I said, we’re friends." Gavin began. "But, we don’t hang out. It’s like you don’t exist outside of school."

"I don’t." Ryan shrugged. Gavin laughed. 

"Shut up, Ryan." Gavin’s smile faded as he was serious. "Please? We don’t have to go anywhere if you don’t want. We can just hang out around the school. Even for a little while." 

"What can we do here? The building is closed now." Ryan looked confused. 

"I have an idea." Gavin grinned. 

Ryan rolled his eyes, a bit cautious of what Gavin’s bright idea could be. 

"Fine, but let me call my Mimi first." 

_____________________________

"This is silly." Ryan said as he looked up at the sky. 

"Is it though?"

"Yes." 

"It’s peaceful if you ask me." Gavin rolled onto his side to look at Ryan. The two of them were spending their time after school laying on the picnic tables, looking up at the sky. It was pretty blue. Ryan was day dreaming about taking a nap in his bed with all of the windows open letting the breeze brush his skin like it was doing now. He didn’t usually like sleep, but he craved it now as his body relaxed. Gavin had a calming affect on him.

"I could see why you would think this is peaceful, Gavin." Ryan closed his eyes, sleepiness was weighing down on his body. "This seems like something that you would enjoy. It’s an empty headed task." Ryan gave his snarky remark. 

"Ha-bloody-ha, Ryan." Gavin chuckled. Ryan was quiet as he let the sleepiness possess him a bit. Gavin noticed Ryan’s breathing becoming deeper. "Do you want to sleep?" Gavin watched Ryan’s gentle facial movements as he spoke to him. The subtle twitches that one can’t help but do as their body settles. Gavin found it very sweet on Ryan’s face. "You can nap if you’d like. I’ll stay with you."

"Why’d you put your number in my phone earlier?" Ryan had a way with bringing things up out of the blue.

"I hadn’t known you had a phone. If I had, I would’ve put my number in it sooner." Gavin smiled. "Now you can text me when you want, or call me."

"I don’t text." Ryan shook his head. "The only person that I call is Mimi. If I forgot what she wanted from the store, or when I’m going to be running late."

"Well now you can call me or text me. Isn’t it good?" Gavin asked.

"Why would I though? I see you at school…" Ryan yawned. 

"You mean you don’t want to talk to me Ryaaaan??" Gavin pretended to be sad, Ryan simply scrunched up his face a bit. "Sorry, I’ll stop teasing." 

Gavin let the peacefulness lull them both into silence for a moment before he thought of something important to tell Ryan.

"Oh…one more thing." Gavin’s expression was back to a serious one as he looked at Ryan. "If you…ever need someone to talk to, or if you want me to read to you or anything…you can always call me. Even if it’s during class. If you call me, I’ll will always answer. I promise."

"Always?" Ryan tasted the word on his tongue. He opened his eyes, scanning Gavin’s face to see if he meant it. No one had ever said it to him before. Gavin nodded. 

"Always." Gavin repeated. 

"Ryan…I know we haven’t known each other long…but I want to be there for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, or if you need anything at all. I’ll always answer."

Ryan opened his eyes and turned his head to look at Gavin. The Brit was smiling again as usual. Ryan had to taste the word again. “Always?”

"Yeah." Gavin nodded, then crinkled his nose. "But try not to do it during class. Some teachers take phones." It got quiet between them for a while. 

"No one has ever said ‘always’ to me before." Ryan admitted. 

"Well, no one should’ve…they probably wouldn’t have meant it if they did. It’s not something that people should say a lot unless they really damn mean it, you know?"

"Something different." Ryan murmured sleepily, laying his head back down on the sun warmed wood of the picnic table. 

"You are too, something very different." This time, it was Gavin’s turn to yawn. 

"You can’t answer me always when I try to contact you…well _**if**_   I try to contact you." Ryan shrugged. "So, you shouldn’t promise that anyways."

"I’ll try my hardest."

"I should go home." Ryan said suddenly.

"You already called Mimi to tell her you’d be late, so why should you leave?"

Ryan was unable to speak for the first time since they’ve been outside. He tried to force the words out of himself, but they were stuck. Ryan hated the feeling.

He’d been talking so much, he’d almost forgotten the feeling of the silence. The kind of silence he felt that he couldn’t control.

To be honest, Gavin was a little disappointed by Ryan’s silence. It wasn’t because he wanted Ryan to keep talking if it made him uncomfortable. If Ryan didn’t want to talk, he didn’t want to force him to. But, he missed Ryan’s voice instantly as the silence consumed the space between them. Gavin sat up and sighed. 

"You can go home if you want." Gavin looked over his shoulder at Ryan who was still laying down. "But, I’ll miss you over the weekend, so text or call me some time, please?"

Ryan shrugged. 

"Well, it doesn’t matter. I’ll text you." Gavin stuck his tongue out. Ryan sat up. 

"Put your tongue back in your face." Ryan rolled his eyes. 

"Ryan, don’t be mean." Gavin gave a sarcastic pout. 

"Home." Ryan scooted off of the picnic table.

"Will you miss me over the weekend?" Gavin asked as he got off the table as well. Ryan paused in his movements as he gave it thought. 

"Yeah, actually." Ryan nodded.

"Good, um." Gavin stood before Ryan and blushed as he moved forward and hugged Ryan. He encircled the other in his lanky arms and held him. He didn't give a brief hug, he wanted to see how Ryan would react to it.  He wanted to see if Ryan would accept the hug, or push him away. Ryan looked down at Gavin, and he was actually surprised as to how he reacted himself. 

Being touched wasn’t something that Ryan liked nor something that he could usually tolerate. But, when Gavin hugged him…he had no reaction at all. As he looked down at the Brit, he couldn’t see much other than Gavin’s hair. 

To be hugged by Gavin felt like being captured. Only, the trap wasn’t something meant to keep him from something, however to protect him. Keep other bad things out. Ryan didn’t feel threatened by this approach, rather, he felt safe. Calm even. 

Gavin finally let him go when nothing happened and took a step back. He searched Ryan’s features for clues as to how he was feeling. Ryan’s face was expressionless. Gavin couldn’t tell what that meant this time. He had become accustomed to reading Ryan’s face, but this time he was clueless, so he just had to ask.  

"Was that bad? I’m sorry. I should’ve asked first. I know you probably didn’t like that." Gavin spoke the words quickly, a hint of panic and embarrassment edged his rapid speech. 

"Why are you the only one…?" Ryan sighed. He didn’t know how to touch Gavin back. Instead of hugging him, he ran the back of his hand against Gavin’s arm. Gavin froze and he stuttered as he talked. His stomach, it was full of butterflies and he could feel goosebumps rising up on his skin. 

"T-the only what?"

"The only one I can talk to, and the only one who I don’t mind being touched by."

"I don’t know, Ryan." Gavin chuckled. "You’re the only one I don’t mind spending time with anymore. I enjoy my time with the others, but in the back of my head I’m furious and disappointed when I’m with them. Only, not Ray. He’s just scared to be exposed to Michael’s wrath. I don’t blame him." Gavin sighed, but gave a small smile. "I really love spending time with you, though."

"I don’t like it."

"You don’t like spending time with me?" Gavin frowned. 

"I like that." Ryan said confidently. "But, I don’t like…never mind." Ryan began walking down the school lawn to the sidewalk. Gavin wasn’t far behind him. When they passed the spot where Gavin and Ryan usually part ways, Ryan glanced at him. "Why are you following me?"

"Can I walk you home?"

Ryan didn’t respond. 

"I will then." Gavin walked beside Ryan. The older student stopped walking. He turned to Gavin and sighed. 

"I might be late to school on Monday, I might not come at all." Ryan stated. 

"What? Why?" Gavin asked. 

"Tell you later." Ryan began walking faster, Gavin didn’t follow this time. Ryan actually didn’t want him to. 

_____________________________

Barbara sat between Michael and Ray on the sofa. The three of them were playing a co-op game, and things were actually going pretty well. Of course, with Gavin there, they’d probably not be as far as they were now. The moron always fucked himself, thus fucking the rest of the group. But at least it was fun. It felt awkward and unbalanced without him there. Though, Michael wasn’t willing to say it. So, Barbara did. 

"I miss Gavin." She leaned her head back against the sofa as Michael gave a curse when his character fell from the platform. 

"Me too, it’s kinda boring without him." Ray agreed.

"Bullshit, this is great." Michael insisted, though his stomach felt uneasy when he said it.

"Why isn’t he here, again?" Ray asked. 

"Because, he’d rather be with fucking Ryan." Michael frowned. 

"Jealous much?" Barbara and Ray said at the same time. Michael grimaced. 

"Shut the hell up."

_____________________________

That night, Ryan was sitting as this desk. His pen trailing across the lines forming words that spilled from Ryan’s head. He was focused on his writing, and this was when he was most content, other than when he’d spent time with Gavin speaking of him…Ryan heard his phone buzzing across the room on his dresser. No one ever called him, so he knew it had to be him. He ignored it the first two times it rung, twice in a row a half hour ago, but…it was happening again. 

With a sigh, Ryan rose from his desk and walked over to the phone. He picked it up and held it to his ear. He could hear Gavin breathing, neither of them said anything. Ryan heard something that sounded like a sniffle and his stomach churned.

"Gavin?" Ryan finally spoke.

"What are you doing?" Gavin’s voice sounded raspy from…crying? Is that why he was sniffling? 

"You ok?"

"Just tell me what you’re doing!" Gavin hadn’t meant to yell, Ryan held the phone away from his ear when he did. 

"Writing! I’m working on my writing!"

"What are you writing about?" Gavin sniffled. “Sorry for yelling.”

"I just write about anything." Ryan shrugged, though Gavin couldn’t see it. Gavin cleared his throat.

"Why won’t you be at school on Monday?" Gavin asked.

"I said I  _might_  not be.”

"But why?"

"Why does it matter?" Ryan rose an eyebrow as he came back to his desk and sat down. 

"I…really want to see you. Soon." Gavin’s voice cracked and he cried softly. Ryan could tell that he was trying to keep his voice down. The older male glanced at the clock up on his wall. It was just 10pm. 

"Why are you crying?" Ryan closed his notebook.

"Nothing really, just being too sensitive I guess."

"You won’t tell me why, will you?" Ryan sighed.

"No. I won’t, not over the phone." Gavin sniffled again, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "Can I please come see you?"

"Um, if it’ll make you feel better."

"Where do you live?"

"I’ll meet you at our half way point. I don’t want you walking in the dark alone." Ryan waited for Gavin to say something, he didn’t. This time, Ryan had to fill in the silence for Gavin. "I’ll see you there?" 

"Ok." Gavin hung up. Ryan stared at his phone. He’d never heard Gavin sound so broken. 

He really worried about what might’ve caused Gavin to be this way. As he slipped on his jacket and shoes, he continued to replay the sound of Gavin crying in his head. The raw emotional and the crack of his voice. Ryan wanted nothing more than to take that pain away from Gavin. 

Ryan debated telling Mimi that he was going somewhere, but she would only worry. So, he tiptoed passed her room and left out the house into the dark Texas night to meet up with the broken Gavin that he was unfamiliar with, and try to put his pieces back together again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOW INCLUDING BEAUTIFUL, FLAWLESS, PERFECT FAN ART BY!  
> The popsicle fanart is by Loleifos  
> I am so in love with their drawings and it honestly made me cry!
> 
> The Picnic Table fanart is by the lovely Emma, you may find her on Tumblr, here: novmoonflower11.tumblr.com  
> I am absolutely in love with this piece of fanart, the details in their expression, clothing, positions is just so in character, it's literally like looking at Gavin and Ryan...and I can't deal! This also made me cry!


	7. "I can't go home, not yet."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gavin bit his lip and turned to Ryan again. "Come here." 
> 
> "Huh?"
> 
> "Come here, Ryan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> Wow you guys, wow.  
> So, this part is almost 5k words, and I think it's super cliche and I'm sorry.  
> Also, I still think Ryan's talking too much. 
> 
> Another thing, I just realized that this is HIGH SCHOOL RYAN! Have you guys seen teenaged Ryan? If not copy and paste this into another tab you guys because oh gosh, he's dreamy *_* ...
> 
> http://38.media.tumblr.com/f124aba6f9a61aaf2552d9ebe7082044/tumblr_n50l8mSDvo1qhwzhko1_500.jpg
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, tell me what you guys think, please? I'm nervous about this chapter. Also tell me if I should update my tags if what I've written is triggering, you know? I'm really ignorant to how tags work so please please PLEASE don't hate me for it. I'm a n00b, ok?
> 
> Enjoy babies, see you in the next one!
> 
> And as Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

Something about Gavin standing in the middle of the street at night alone made Ryan’s skin crawl. He didn’t want to think about what could possibly happen to Gavin, it was physically painful to even consider it as a possibility. Ryan had never really though about…what it would be like without Gavin. He tried to remember what it was like before him. His life was monotoned then, and quiet. Immediately when Gavin came into his life, he saw color, light, and endless beauty in even the little things. He never wanted things to go back to the way they were. He never wanted to be without Gavin again. 

Ryan had barely noticed that he was running to Gavin. His heartbeat was so loud, he couldn’t hear his feet hitting the sidewalk. As he turned the corner, he saw a figure running to the same spot that he was. He knew the long slender figure anywhere. It was Gavin. 

Gavin had seen him too. He ran diagonally across the street to where Ryan was. Neither of them stopped running, so when they met up, they collided hard against each other. 

Gavin thrust his arms around Ryan’s neck and held him tightly. Ryan’s reaction was delayed but his arms found themselves around Gavin’s middle. Ryan felt wetness of tears as Gavin pressed his face into the older male’s neck. 

"Ryan, I’m so fucking stupid! I fucked up so badly! How could I do this?? Why am I so dumb??" Gavin’s words were muffled against Ryan’s skin. Ryan frowned, but didn’t say anything. They stood in the middle of the street, embraced in each other for a while. The streetlight was a spotlight above their heads. 

Eventually, Gavin pulled back wiping his face. He looked at Ryan, and even in the orangey light of the streetlamp, Ryan could see the puffy redness of Gavin’s face. 

"I’ve never heard you say ‘fuck’ before." Ryan commented. Gavin looked confused at first then laughed. 

"You’re right I suppose." Gavin said shyly. “It’s not something I really say-”

"Will you tell me what’s wrong now?" Ryan asked, wiping his hand over his neck. 

"Not here." Gavin shook his head. 

"We probably shouldn’t stay out in the streets for too long." Ryan added. "So, should we go…to my house then?"

"Yes, please." Gavin nodded. Ryan began walking and Gavin followed. "Sorry for being such trouble."

"I’m sorry that I didn’t answer my phone the first few times you called…I didn’t know what to say." Ryan admitted. "I feel bad, because you said you’d always answer me, at least try…and I didn’t return the favor."

"Ryan, I don’t mind. I’m not m-"

"I promise I’ll always try too." Ryan looked over his shoulder at Gavin. Gavin smiled wider. He was genuinely the happiest he’s been all day. 

"Thank you, Ryan."

"Thank you, Gavin." Ryan turned away again.

"For what? I haven’t done anything, you donut." Gavin shook his head. 

"You taught me how to say ‘always’." Ryan shrugged. Gavin looked at Ryan like he was the most beautiful person in the world. He reached forward and wrapped his arm around Ryan’s. Gavin gave a contented sigh, Ryan gave an amused look to him. This contact didn’t bother Ryan. However, the older did flinch when Gavin’s head rested against his shoulder. It took Ryan a few moments to get used to the sensation, after that, he was content as well. Their strides were in sync and the night didn’t seem so scary anymore. 

_____________________________

Gavin settled into Ryan’s home like he’d been there before. After walking into the front entrance, Gavin made his way through the house and into the kitchen. Sitting down at the table, he looked up expectantly at Ryan. 

"What?" Ryan asked, questioning the glance.

"So, what are we gonna do now?" Gavin chirped, he wore a grin like he hadn’t been running into Ryan’s arm sobbing moments before. 

"The hell?" Ryan folded his arms and leaned against the wall. "You said you’d tell me when we weren’t on the streets anymore. We’re not, so tell me what had you upset!"

"It’s nothing, Ryan. Just forget that I s-"

"Fuck that!" Ryan didn’t want to raise his voice, but Gavin was driving him insane. "Tell me, now!"

"Ryan…" Gavin whined. 

"Now!" Ryan shook his head. "Gavin…I’m worried. What if something happened to you!?"

"Nothing happened to me today." Gavin sighed.

"But what if it did?" Ryan pulled out the chair across from Gavin’s. 

"Ryan, I’m fine and I’m here, ok?" Gavin reached across the table and took Ryan’s hand. The older glanced down at the table where their hands were held. "If you really want to know what happened I’ll tell you."

"I do, that’d be great." Ryan’s blue eyes went up to meet Gavin’s green ones. He was patient as Gavin took a deep breath before beginning. 

"Ok, so…" Gavin began idly running his thumb over Ryan’s knuckles. Ryan could feel that Gavin’s hands had begun to shake slightly. "M-my mum, she committed suicide."

"Today?? Gavin I-"

"No, not today." Gavin shook his head. "A while ago, but…it happened on this date."

"I’m so sorry, Gav." 

"You don’t have to say that." Gavin smiled sadly. "That’s what everyone says." 

"Well, alright. Keep going then, if you want." Ryan wasn’t sure what to say, but he wanted Gavin to know he was there for him, so he squeezed the Brit’s hand gently. 

"Thanks, Ry." Gavin smiled softly again. "Um, well the reason why I’m so upset is that…I bloody forgot."

"You forgot that today was the day?"

"Yeah, I did." Gavin shook his head, the tears returning to his eyes. "On this day, I always write to her first thing in the morning." 

"It’s not too late to do it." Ryan offered.

"In the UK, where she died…it’s too late. The day has gone."

"How do you write to her?"

"By hand, I write her a letter. I seal it up in an envelope, even put a stamp on it. Then I burn it and I toss the ashes into the air somewhere pretty." Gavin rolls his eyes. "You must think I’m insane."

"No." Ryan propped his head up with his other hand that Gavin wasn’t holding. "I’d like someone to do that for me."

"I do it because when she died, we tossed her ashes so she could travel around through the breeze. In the letter she left, she said she was looking for somewhere she could feel freed…"

"So you toss the letter’s ashes so she could get them?"

"Yeah." Gavin nodded. "I started writing after I accepted the fact that she was gone. At first, I resented her for leaving all of us like that. But then I forgave her and I sent my first letter to her, telling her that it was ok. That I’d spent time learning to try and understand why she was gone, and just move on with my life." Gavin wiped his face with his sleeve. "I bloody forgot to send her a letter today. She must think that I’ve stopped caring." Gavin let go of Ryan’s hand.

"Gavin, that’s not true." Ryan frowned. 

"It is! I’ve never fucked up anything like this!" Gavin brought his feet up onto the chair and hid his face in his knees. "I can’t stand myself sometimes. I have so little to remember, yet I consistently forget everything!"

"Gavin." Ryan stood up. "She’s not mad at you, you’re not a failure. I don’t ever want to hear you say that again."

"Ryan, you don’t understand." Gavin stood too. "You don’t have to say anything, and no one expects you too! If I don’t say anything, no one understands me at all!"

"What the hell are you talking about!? Everybody expects me to say something! They look at me like I have two heads when I don’t!"

"I don’t!" Gavin placed both of his hands down hard on the wooden kitchen table.

"You’re the only fucking one!" Ryan hissed. 

"You’re the only damn one who understands me if I don’t say anything! I hate you for it too! I hate you, Ryan Haywood!" Gavin spits. "I wasn’t ready for you! I wasn’t god damn ready!"

"You think I saw you coming? Not by a fucking long shot! I hate you, too! I avoided people like you as if you were the plague coming to rot me from my very core!" Ryan shook his head. "I thought I’d be sitting here, not talking as usual! Staring off into space day dreaming about something different! But here it is, in my house! Yelling at me! Tell me it hates me! And I couldn’t be happier!"

Gavin stared at Ryan sniffling, wiping his tears on his sleeve. Neither male moved or said anything and they didn’t have to. They stared at each other, breathing hard. Gavin was first to break the silence, like he always is.

"If you’re so damn happy, Ryan…why won’t you smile at me?" Gavin held his hand to his forehead that had begun to throb with a headache. "Why won’t you smile at me?"

"You idiot, Gavin…I’ve been smiling this whole time." Ryan shook his head and looked down.

"Well, I haven’t bloody seen it." 

"It’s inside." Ryan shrugs as he comes around the table, grabbing a napkin from the countless many on the kitchen table. As he stands in front of Gavin, he offers the tissue to the sniffling lad. As Gavin reaches for it, Ryan retracts it. Gavin bites his lip after uttering a curse. "Gavin, only take it if you want it."

"Shut the hell up, Ry." Gavin reaches forward and snatches it. As he does so, he wraps his arms around Ryan’s neck again. He’s holding the older boy tighter than he’s held anyone. Ryan returns the hug, surprised by the feeling, the emotion in his bloodstream that comes with it. His entire body feels warm, he’s sure he has a fever. 

Gavin’s hold releases slightly as he rests his head on Ryan’s shoulder with his eyes closed. Ryan’s hold doesn’t loosen at all though, Gavin doesn’t want it to.

"Do you really think it’s not too late to write my mum?" Gavin asks, taking a moment to breathe in Ryan’s scent. He smells clean, he smells warm. He smells like Ryan.

"I don’t think it ever could be too late." Ryan replies, he closes his eyes as well. 

"Can we do it now? Do you know somewhere pretty we could go at night?" Gavin asks. “To toss the ashes?”

"There’s this place towards the end of my property. It’s nice at any time of the day." Ryan nods. "Let’s go when were done with the letters, we can scatter the ashes there."

"Thank you, Ryan." Gavin’s hold becomes tighter again. Ryan doesn’t know why, but he feels his eyes sting with tears. "Sorry for saying that I hated you."

"I’m sorry I said it too.” Ryan says. “And I’m still sorry for not answering your call the first time. What the hell was I thinking, Gav?"

"Shhh," Gavin can hear it in Ryan’s voice that he’s crying. 

"I can’t fucking believe that I did that to you."

"Ryan, d-"

"I can’t help it. I’m so sorry." Ryan holds Gavin even tighter.

"If you’re sorry, make me tea to have while we write."

"Ok." Ryan takes a deep shuddering breath.

"Good." Gavin smiles, pulling back to look at Ryan. As he looks in the older boy’s slightly red eyes, he sees what Ryan means. There’s a small glimmer of something in his eyes and without a doubt, he can tell it’s Ryan’s smile. 

Still, Gavin wants to bring out Ryan’s real smile. But for now, this will do.

_____________________________

Ryan sat down the sugar in front of Gavin. The blonde smiled and thanks him as he began spooning it into his tea.

"Do you put sugar in your tea, Ryan?" Gavin asked. 

"Wait and see." Ryan answered from the bookshelf in the kitchen, where he opened up Mimi’s stationary kit. It was older than Ryan, but it had the finest paper and envelopes he’s ever seen, and it was a special occasion. He the items in front of Gavin, and in front of where he was going to sit. 

"Would it be ok if I wrote her a letter too?" Ryan bit his lip shyly.

"That’d be great, she’d like that." Gavin nodded. 

"I will then." Ryan sat in his chair and scooted himself closer to the table. Gavin held his pen in his hand for and stared at the paper for a moment then he began to write. Ryan watched as Gavin’s hand put words on the page easily. Though, Ryan could also see the tears brimming his eyes again. Ryan takes a sip of his tea plain, Gavin notices and smiles, taking a mental note of how he takes his tea. 

Ryan would be lying if he’d said that this whole experience didn’t make him think of his own mother, wherever she may be. She was in the hospital for a while, but they ping-ponged her from the institution and the hospital often. Rather for some sort of ‘treatment’ as they called it, or some sort of injury. Some of the injuries were self-inflicted, others were from other patients in the institution. Either way, the staff never really did anything about it. Just told her to ‘watch herself’. 

But, this experience with Gavin has really impacted Ryan. It made him wonder if, all of those times that his mom has attempted to go through with killing herself. If it actually had worked, what would his life be like? Would he had met Gavin? Would he live with Mimi?  _Would he miss his mother?_ It sounds horrible to ask, but Ryan wasn’t sure if he would. 

Though she tried, most of what Ryan could remember…she wasn’t much of a mother. Some of the memories from when he was very small, he can vaguely remember her tickling his tummy, kissing his cheek while he cried, being excited to watch him open birthday gifts, and reading bedtime stories to him. 

But, did that make her a mom? It was now that Ryan realized, that he didn’t know what a mother was. Standardly speaking, a mother is a woman that cares for a child. Did that make Mimi his mother now?

Ryan couldn’t imagine missing his mother. He missed his mom sometimes, simply because of the memories he still holds. The good ones. But, that woman in the memories is gone. She’s trapped inside of herself and she’s never coming out. 

The woman that’s left in her place is zombie like, unstable and violent. Ryan remembers her throwing plates at him, shoving him against doorway so hard on his back that he had a blue and purple bruise there for weeks. He remembers her greeting him as he came into the door with a smile, then five minutes later, she was screaming at him, five more minutes later was she was sobbing on the floor. Five minutes later after that, she would stare of into space. She had ‘the silence’ as Gavin called it. But, when she was silent, she mumbled Ryan’s name every so often ‘James’ would be all she said for days on end. It was haunting, and in the tiniest voice she had. 

Every time someone called him James, he can hear his mother echoing it ‘James’ in a distant voice. It made him uncomfortable and only made him want to be silent even more.

Thinking of his mother no longer being around brought him the satisfying idea that she would no longer be able to say his name. But, would he miss her?

Ryan looked across the table at Gavin, who teary eyed, was still writing his letter to his mother. Gavin had already done a page front and back, he was starting on a new sheet. Ryan decided to stop thinking about his own mother and just be there for Gavin. 

With a clearing of his throat, Ryan got Gavin’s attention. 

"Sorry to interrupt you, but what was your mother’s name?"

"Julianna." Gavin said. "But, everyone called her Julie." 

"Ok." Ryan nodded, then began to write.

_____________________________

**Dear Julie,**

**I feel like I shouldn’t call you Julie…because I never knew you and I feel like it’s something personal to do. But maybe you were like me and you preferred to be called that by anyone who addressed you at all. In that case, I’ll call you Julie.**

**I wish I could’ve met you, so I’d be able to tell you that your son, Gavin Free, is the single most important person I have and ever will meet in my entire life. I know that because he’s different. I spend much of my life looking for the different things the world has to offer. Mostly because they’re rare, they’re beautiful, and they’re special. Gavin is all of those things.**

**I’m not really like other people…but not in a good way. I have a lot of problems that are hard to understand. I have trouble speaking, connecting with people, and showing emotions. But, none of those things kept Gavin from wanting to be my friend. I’m grateful that Gavin’s still here.**

**I can’t believe that it’s only been a month that I’ve known him.**

**Whenever I gain another new thing, I usually like to pin it up on my board, and say how I got it, or who I shared it with. Lately all of those things have been ‘from Gavin’ or ‘shared with Gavin’. But, if I had the ability to put Gavin himself up on my board, I’d say:**

**"Julie, you have the most amazing son in the world. I shared Gavin with you."**

**Thank you for allowing me to meet someone like him,**

**Nice meeting you.**

**Please call me Ryan**

_____________________________

The night sky reflected off of the surface of the pond. The many stars and moon. It looked as if you jumped into the pond, you would be able to float amongst the gentle atmosphere. Beyond the pond was open land, only divided by a fence. To Gavin, the area beyond the fence looked like what the word freedom meant. No boundaries anywhere. His mom would’ve loved to be here. 

"This spot is perfect, Ry. Thank you." Gavin said as he watched Ryan pull the lighter from his pocket. Ryan didn’t say anything, but offered the lighter to Gavin. The Brit shook his head. "You first."

Ryan held the letter in one hand, the lighter the other. As he lit the bottom left hand corner of the letter, Gavin pressed a kiss into his own envelope and then held it in Ryan’s fire. Ryan looked up at Gavin. The flames flickering off of his olive skin, the fire dancing in his eyes. 

Gavin’s eyes were focused on the letters. As they burned, and the gentle breeze took the ashes away he felt at peace. 

When the final bits of the letter went off into the air, Gavin pressed his face into Ryan’s shoulder for a moment. 

"Are you staying the night?" Ryan asked suddenly. Gavin pulled his face from Ryan’s shoulder. 

"I can't go home, not yet." Gavin shook his head. 

"You can stay."

"Thank you." Gavin wiped away the few tears that had began to fall. 

"Don’t cry, ok?" Ryan’s brow furrowed. "We did the right thing, and nothing’s wrong."

"I’m not upset. I’m happy." Gavin laughed then took a deep breath. "A mess is what I am, actually."

"Gavin…" Ryan looked away. 

"Are you ok?" A look of concern quickly clouded Gavin’s face. 

"Yeah." Ryan nodded. "I just wanted to tell you that I think you’re my best friend."

"You think?" Gavin teased. "You’re my best friend too Ryan." 

"I just said ‘I think’ because I don’t know if you can have a best friend…if you don’t have any other friends. Because wouldn’t the only friend you have just _have_  to be the best because it’s the only one you’ve got? I don’t know how it works but I-“

"Ryan." Gavin cut off the older boy with a firm hug. "Shut up."

"Ok."

_____________________________

Ryan escorted Gavin up the steps of the farm house. They were quiet as they did so as not to disturb Mimi who was already sleeping. 

As they hit the top of the stairs, Ryan pointed out the bathroom to Gavin should he need it. Then he pointed out his bedroom. Gavin ran a hand along the wood-paneled walls of the hallway. He nodded then followed Ryan to his room. 

The first thing Gavin noticed as he entered Ryan's room, was the simplistic nature of it. Whereas Gavin would have posters on his walls. Ryan had mostly nothing other than a cork-board. Where Gavin would have a TV alongside his Xbox, Ryan had a bookshelf. They both had desks. Only, Ryan’s didn’t contain a laptop computer. Ryan’s only had several journals and a few books with bookmarks sticking out of them. Gavin’s bed was smaller than Ryan’s. 

Ryan stood in the doorway as he watched Gavin explore his personal space. It made him a bit anxious, but he took deep breaths. He trusted Gavin. 

"What’s all of this Ryan?" Gavin approached his cork-board. 

"Something Different collection." Ryan answered. 

"This is all of our stuff!" Gavin grinned. 

"It’s become mostly things from you, because you’re…you know." Ryan felt himself blush. 

"Because I’m what?" Gavin’s brow furrowed and he turned to look at Ryan. He saw the redness amongst his face. "What?" Gavin chuckled. 

"Something different." Ryan folded his arms. "I already told you that…"

"Oh, yeah. I thought you might’ve meant…something else. I dunno." Gavin turned back to the cork-board. "I remember these." He gently touched the notes. 

"Yeah." The corners of Ryan’s lips twitched as he remembered Gavin getting in trouble for laughing too loudly during class. 

"This is from when we first met." Gavin touched the cookie wrapper from the raisin cookie. He smiled at the thin parchment paper with pink flowers decorated over it. Gavin bit his lip and turned to Ryan again. "Come here." 

"Huh?"

"Come here, Ryan." Gavin had never really demanded anything of him before. Except to communicate with him, but his tone was different now.  Ryan crossed his room to Gavin. With a tug, Gavin pulled him closer. They were close enough to breath each other’s air. Ryan rose an eyebrow at Gavin. "Why’d you keep all of these things?"

"Because you-"

"James?" Mimi called up the stairs. Gavin and Ryan’s heads both turned to the open bedroom door. 

"Yes?" Ryan called back.

"Is someone up there with you?" She asked. 

"Friend." Ryan responded.

"What? I can’t hear you!" She yelled. Ryan rolled his eyes, he wasn’t in the mood to scream back down to her. Besides, he’d like to introduce the two.

"Come meet Mimi." Ryan took Gavin’s hand and lead him out of his room. Gavin spared a glance over his shoulder again at the cork-board then followed. 

_____________________________

Mimi was surprised and a bit relieved to see that Ryan hadn’t had a girl with him upstairs. She was also surprised to see the way Ryan spoke to Gavin. The way Gavin treated Ryan like any other normal person was refreshing. However, she was a little thrown off by the fact that Gavin called Ryan by his middle name, instead of referring to him as ‘James’. 

After deeming Gavin a healthy friend for Ryan to have, Mimi asked Gavin if he’d like to help Ryan work the grounds tomorrow morning. The Brit accepted the offer politely, but he didn’t really know what ‘work the grounds’ meant. But, if he got to pretend to be a farmer, it’d be fun. Besides, spending time with Ryan would be nice as usual. 

Once everyone became acquainted with each other, Mimi dismissed them, but insisted that they went to bed now so they could wake up on time to work tomorrow. 

As they climbed the stairs, Gavin dismissed himself to the bathroom. Ryan took their separation as time to dress himself for bed. 

Ryan pulled off his shirt and pants, then dug for some pajama bottoms to wear. Newly dressed in pajamas, Ryan sat as his desk. He was thinking of where Gavin might like to sleep. Should he give him his bed and sleep downstairs? Sleepovers proved themselves difficult already. 

When Gavin returned to Ryan’s room, he stripped himself of his shirt. Ryan tried not to look at Gavin’s bare chest, so instead he looked at his hands in his lap.

"Um, where do you want to sleep?" Ryan posed the question.

"I don’t have a side of the bed preference. I don’t really get people who do." Gavin shrugged and unbuttoned his pants, slipping them off easily. "Like it’s the same bed. Why should it matter which side you’re on? Ya know?"

"I meant-"

"Well, maybe if it’s like ‘oh, I like this side better because it’s closer to the bathroom’ or something. But other than that-"

"You want to sleep in my bed?"

"Well, wherever you’re sleeping." Gavin shrugged as he folded up his pants and his shirt. He tucked them under Ryan’s desk so that they were out of the way.

"Do you, want….pants?"

"Nope, this is good." Gavin looked down at his plain navy-blue boxer-shorts.

"Well, hop in I guess." Ryan shrugged. 

"Will do." Gavin leaped up onto the bed, it creaked under his weight and he laid on his side. "You coming?"

"Ok, forgive me...but I’ve never had a best friend before. Is it normal to sleep in bed together in your underwear? Is this what it means to have a best friend? Someone you can be in your underwear with?" Ryan held his hand against his jaw as he looked at Gavin.

"You ask too many bloody questions. I’m tired. Come to bed or don’t. Whatever." Gavin rolled over onto his back.

"Fine." Ryan turned out the light and crossed his room to his bed. He sat down on the bed's edge. Gavin waited for him to lay down. When he didn’t, Gavin pulled him into bed. 

"C’mon, Ry." Gavin giggled.

"Sleep, we’ve got work to do." Ryan relaxed a bit when Gavin let his arm go.

"I just realized how much of an American farmer you sound like. Your last name just sounds like a farmer last name." Gavin comments.

"What?" Ryan turns to look at him.

"Haywood." Gavin tries his best American ‘country’ accent. "Ole Farmer Haywood and his Cow."

"Nice." Ryan closes his eyes. Gavin looks at Ryan’s peaceful sleepy face. 

"What would your cow’s name be?"

"Edgar."

"Why?"

"I had a dog named Edgar when I was little. Didn’t have him long.  He died. We’d rescued him, he was old and tired when we got em." Ryan explained. "I told myself if I had another pet, they’d be called Edgar. So, Edgar."

"You have a reason for everything." Gavin smiled. "Do you do anything for no reason at all?"

"Put up with your ass." Ryan pokes Gavin’s ribs. 

After about five minutes of silence, Ryan’s drifting off to sleep. But, Gavin interrupts his peace with a stupid question.

"Ryan?" Gavin asks. 

"Hm?"

"What if your legs didn’t know they were legs?"

Ryan doesn’t even have time, or brain power enough to stop himself. His eyes wrinkle in the corners, and he gives a light hearted hum. The hum quickly turns into a laugh, accompanied with a toothy grin. Gavin’s eyes fly open at the sound and his jaw drops. All it took was something stupid like that to see Ryan’s gorgeous smile? Maybe Ryan was just too tired to keep himself from smiling and laughing. Whatever the case,  ** _bleeding hell_** , it was beautiful. Even in the dark, Ryan’s smile is still the brightest thing he’s ever seen. 

The brightest thing Gavin Free has ever seen.


	8. Farmer Haywood & Farmer Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I want to know every single thing about you."
> 
> "Then spend time with me."
> 
> "I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> I've been postponing uploading this chapter because I felt that it was missing something.  
> But here you go, lovely readers. 
> 
> The next chapter should be more interesting. Enjoy our little farmers. 
> 
> And as Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

"Thank you Mimi." Gavin said from the sink where he stood washing dishes. "You really didn’t have to cook for us. I’m sure we could’ve handled breakfast on our own." He looked over his shoulder at Ryan. "Right, Ry?"

Ryan simply nodded. 

"Nonsense, it’s been so much fun having someone to talk to." Mimi beamed. 

Somewhere inside, what Mimi said kind of hurt Ryan’s feelings. He _wanted_ to talk to Mimi, it just was difficult. Ryan rose from the table and stood by the backdoor, waiting for Gavin to finish scrubbing the last dish. 

"We could talk more when we’re done with our work. It’s been such fun!" Gavin smiled at Mimi as he dried his hands. 

"Please do, you’re welcome anytime!" Mimi sat at the table sipping her tea. Mimi was a frail woman, but she never let herself go without at least attempting to keep up her old beauty habits. She applied lipstick to her pale lips nearly everyday and she always did something with her hair. Though, her hair was difficult because her arms hurt her badly if she rose them for too long to do detailed styles. 

However, it seems because they had a guest, Gavin, she went all out. On both sides of her head, her wispy silver hair was braided with french braids that met in the middle of the back of her head and trailed down her to just above her waist. Mimi had fairly long hair that Ryan usually assisted her in brushing tangles out of. She refused to cut it. She always says that it’s because, Papa, Ryan’s grandfather loved it long. When she runs her fingers through it, she can feel exactly where his hands used to as well. She’ll never cut it. 

When Gavin came downstairs with Ryan in the morning, and the first thing the Brit did was was compliment Mimi’s hair, she giggled like a school girl for ten minutes. Rouge tinting her pale cheeks. 

Ryan gave a sigh as Gavin and Mimi continued to talk. He wanted to join in the conversation, but he couldn’t find something to say so instead he waited. When waiting proved pointless, Ryan walked out of the backdoor alone. 

Ryan was wearing jeans and a white t-shirt that was sure to get dirty immediately. He was also wearing work boots. He’d outfitted Gavin in the same attire. It would be best for their jobs. 

The first thing that Ryan wanted to do, was get the pigs out to pasture so he could clean their barn. 

As he began walking towards the barn, he heard the backdoor of the farm house close. 

"Ryan! Wait!" Gavin ran to the older boy. Ryan didn’t bother looking at him. "What’s wrong? You seem upset."

Ryan wasn't actually sure just what was wrong. He felt tightness in his chest, and he felt angry at Gavin. But, it wasn’t like Gavin had really done anything wrong to upset him. When Gavin placed a hand on Ryan’s shoulder, Ryan shrugged it off and kept walking. Gavin’s brow furrowed and he jogging to keep up with Ryan’s long strides. 

"Ryan, please tell me what’s going on." Gavin frowned. "Are you mad at me?"

"First, pigs." Ryan pointed to the red barn they were coming up to. Gavin looked up at the structure. It was a lot taller than he thought something would need to be for just pigs. Ryan opened the large wooden door and let Gavin walk in first. 

The Brit’s eyes quickly lit up. 

"Babies!" Gavin said gleefully as he saw multicolored little piglets trotting around the hay bedding. Some of them were nursing, others playing. Gavin wanted to take turns naming and cuddling each one of them. "Ryan, can we play with them?"

"Not now, we have jobs, Gavin." Ryan shook his head, picking up a green and white box from a shelf. 

"Oh right, I’m Farmer Free right now. I don’t have time for…" He pouted. "Cuddling adorable animals right now."

"Damn right you don’t." Ryan nodded, finding it hard to stay upset with Gavin. "Take this." Ryan handed the green and white box to him.

"What’s this?" Gavin read the label ‘Sugar Cubes’ and he smiled. "Oh, thanks Ry." He happily opened the box and popped a couple into his mouth. 

"No, Gavin. For the pigs. We lore them into the second enclosure with these." Ryan shook his head. "Follow me."  

"Ok." Gavin followed Ryan as he opened the pen and began walking through it. Gavin felt a bit nervous surrounded by the group of animals that he was so eager to pet beforehand. He hadn’t realized just how big pigs were. The babies were small, but the bigger ones looked like they weighed more than he did and he was intimidated. Reflexively, he held onto the back of Ryan’s t-shirt. 

Ryan looked behind himself at Gavin. 

"Don’t be scared, they won’t eat you. They just want the sugar cubes." Ryan tried to be reassuring. 

"What do I do with them?"

"I’ll tell you in a second." Ryan finally stopped walking and unlocked the other large wooden doors inside of the pen. These doors lead out to a second enclosure outside that was fenced in to keep the pigs together during the transfer from inside to outside. It was also helpful if the weather looked like it might become rainy. It was easier to keep them here and bring them back inside versus having to collect them all from the pasture again. 

As Ryan opened the large barn doors, a few curious pigs made their way out into the second enclosure. The others couldn’t be bothered to go out. 

"Ok, Gav." Ryan pointed to the sugar cubes in Gavin’s hands. "Go out to the second enclosure and scatter those in the grass. Shake the box on your way out, it’ll get their attention. Whistle too if you want."

"Um, ok." Gavin began shaking the box. The gluttonous animals turned their head at the sound. "Are they going to charge at me?"

"Make your way out to the grass now. Start scattering. Like I said, they only want the treat. So, don’t make yourself the treat, Gavin." Ryan responded. 

As Gavin began walking out into the second enclosure, he opened the box and poured a few cubes into his hand. He tossed them onto the grass like Ryan said to. The animals began leaving the barn. Ryan patted the stragglers on the back and whistled. They followed Ryan out of the barn.

With the last of them out, Ryan reentered the barn and closed the large doors, locking them back. This left Gavin outside with the pigs alone, causing the younger male to become anxious. 

"Hey, Ryan! What the hell!?" Gavin tried to open the closed doors. 

"Hold on, I’m coming out." Ryan responded.

"Um, hurry. I’m out of sugar cubes." Gavin sounded nervous from the other side of the separation between he and Ryan. 

"Hop over the fence if you have to, it’s not high." Ryan made his way to the barn's exit, grabbing another box of sugar cubes as he went out. As he walked around the barn to the second enclosure where Gavin was, Ryan nearly laughed at what he saw. 

Gavin, standing in the middle of the enclosure with all of the pigs surrounding him. The pigs were looking at the nervous boy expectantly as if he were their almighty pig whisperer. Gavin looked up as he heard Ryan approaching. 

The blonde walked quickly through the pen towards Ryan. Ryan stood at the fence watching Gavin as he came closer. Once Gavin was at the fence, he leaned over it and wrapped his arms around Ryan’s neck. 

"Don’t be a baby, I thought you wanted to be a farmer?" Ryan teased as he took a few steps back, picking up Gavin with him. Gavin rose his legs up and over the fence. Once he was over the fence, Gavin encircled Ryan’s waist with his long legs. 

"Ryan! Don’t do that to me anymore." 

"Do what?"

"We’re a team! You have to tell me what’s going on!" Gavin sighed. "You just randomly shut me out there alone…it startled me."

"I’m sorry, Gavin."

"Also, what was up earlier?" Gavin let go of Ryan and stood on his own two feet.

"Huh?"

"You shrugged me off and wouldn’t say anything after breakfast." Gavin looked down.

"Oh…not being able to talk with you and Mimi was upsetting. Then, you talked to her so much like I wasn’t there."

"Ry, I wasn’t trying to upset you." Gavin smiled softly at the older male. "I was just being friendly to Mimi. I’m quite fond of her."

"Well, I guess that’s alright."

"What could I do to make you feel better?" Gavin asked, searching Ryan’s eyes. 

"Like what?"

"Well, I’m not going to stop talking to Mimi, so you could forget that." Gavin shrugged. "But what would make you feel better about it? I could try and include you in the conversation more."

"I can’t…" Ryan shakes his head. 

"Well, how about-"

"Just don’t worry about it." Ryan shook his head. 

"I don’t want to make you uncomfortable." Gavin  frowned.

"I appreciate it Gavin, but there are just things you can’t protect me from. There are some things that I just have to deal with." Ryan’s blue eyes had gentle smiles in them. "Ok?"

"I mean…" Gavin gave a displeased sound. 

"Can we get back to work now?"

"Yeah." Gavin nodded and smiled.

"Oh, you wanted to pick up a piglet?" Ryan says over his shoulder as he hops the fence. 

"Yeah!" Gavin beamed. 

"Ok, hold on." Ryan tried to catch one but it ran from his reach. Gavin giggled as Ryan stumbled after it. Ryan cursed as another one got away. However, the next one he tried to capture was successfully scooped up. Pigs don’t generally like to be picked up, so the piglet squealed wildly as his four wobbly pink feet left the solid ground. 

Ryan strode over to Gavin with the piglet, and handed it over to him. The mama pig wasn’t happy with the exchange. Ryan kept her preoccupied with a handful of sugar cubes. 

The piglet wiggled in Gavin’s arms and Ryan watched with an amused expression as the Brit tried to convince the piglet to love him. This carried on for about five minutes until Gavin finally got the pig to settle down enough to hug it. 

With Gavin contented after making his new piglet friend, the real work started. Ryan lead Gavin back inside the barn and handed to him a pair of gloves. 

"Ok, so first thing." Ryan said as he pulled the gloves onto his hands. "We’re cleaning up and giving them food and water. Since you’ve never done anything like this before, I’ll do the harder stuff." 

_____________________________

After what felt like forever, the bedding was changed and the floor was cleaned of gross matter. Gavin’s job had been to empty the food and water troughs for the pigs. After they were empty, he was to clean them gently with a sponge. Then refill them. By the time Gavin had finished his small task, Ryan was finished with his large one. Maybe Ryan was just made for manual labor.

Gavin looked at Ryan as the older male lifted a heavy bale of hay to spread over the bedding area. Ryan’s muscles strained against his t-shirt which had begun to cling to his body as he perspired. Gavin didn’t really want to notice this, but…holy-

"Gavin can you hand me that bucket?" Ryan approached the water pig’s water trough. 

"Uh…yeah." Gavin was happy for a distraction. As he lifted the bucket he peered inside. "Is this milk?"

"Yeah, raw milk." Ryan responded as he poured the contents into the water trough. The two liquids mixed together making it’s appearance cloudy. "It’s straight from the cows, we can’t sell this stuff to the market and we don’t drink the raw stuff, so we give it to the pigs when we have surplus." 

"Why are you giving them milk?"

"Well, milk is very beneficial for pigs. It helps keep them healthy, it also defends their systems against worms and other parasites. Very important, Gav."

"You know a lot." Gavin leaned his back against the wall.

"Have to." Ryan shrugged and set the bucket down. As he rose back standing up right, he caught eyes with Gavin. Something about Gavin felt different today. Looking at him tightened his chest. Not like this morning when he was mad. It was…a new feeling. It felt like he could burst at any second and Ryan was scared as to what would happen if he did.

_____________________________

With the animal work done, pigs and cows both, the boys took to the fields. The workers had done a lot of the work during the week. Ryan  and Gavin just had to weed the last few rows of crops. They’d been working for a while now, and decided to take a break. Besides, for now, the sun was too hot to continue.  

The two young men worked all the way through the morning until the sun hung high in the sky around noon. It was about time they’d had lunch, but for now they were resting in the empty barn where Ryan kept his car. It was cool and shady here.

Ryan had become tired of the work, he had done most of it. But, if Gavin wasn’t there he would’ve done all of it. So, he was grateful for the little guy. Gavin had never worked so hard in his life, and no longer wondered why Ryan’s muscles were so defined. However, as they took solace in the shade, Ryan seemed restless. 

"Are you alright?" Gavin asked, he was squinting as his sweat stung his eyes. He caught a glimpse of the fine defining lines on Ryan’s hips as the older rose the hem of his dirty t-shirt up to wipe the sweat from his face.

"Gav?" Ryan spoke.

"Yeah?"

"I want to get to know you."

"What?" Gavin chuckled. "Ryan, you know me better than anyone, I assure you."

"No, I mean…I know  _how_  you are. But the little things. I want to know the things I don’t know.”

"My favorite color is yellow, because it’s bright and reminds me of sun. My favorite food is pizza because it’s so versatile. You can customize anything. The crust, the sauce, the toppings. You can even pick rather it’s a breakfast food, lunch, dinner, even dessert. I like cats better than dogs." Gavin listed. "Should I go on?"

"You’re difficult."

"Tell me all of those things."

"I like grey, but it’s not a color. If I had to pick a color, I’d say red. It’s always eye catching." Ryan began. "I like sandwiches because they don’t require too much work. But, if I had to only eat one thing forever, it’d be pasta. Also because it’s versatile, like pizza."

"You like the idea of a sandwich, but you wouldn’t want to eat it all the time." Gavin laughed. 

"Why is that funny?"

"Because it’s you." Gavin grinned. "Do you like cats or dogs more?"

"Dogs, simply because cats don’t need you."

"What? Ryan no."

"They don’t. They’re so independent."

"Which is why they’re great."

"But you can’t play with a cat…"

"That’s the most untrue thing I’ve ever heard!"

"The laser pointer thing is lame." Ryan shrugged.

"That’s the best one!"

"No."

"Ryan, please. Stop." Gavin said dramatically. "You’re tearing us apart!"

"Lame." Ryan sighed. "I still feel like I don’t know anything about you."

"It takes time to get to know people Ryan, you can’t just decide ‘oh I’m going to get to know Gavin’ then expect it to happen right away."

"Still, it bothers me that even a million years from now, I still won’t know everything about you."

"You can never know anyone entirely."

"That’s scares me, and it pisses me off." Ryan sighed. "I want to know every single thing about you."

"Then spend time with me."

"I am." Ryan shrugged.

"Stop over thinking things, Ry." Gavin shook his head. "It’s hard to get to know someone when you’re trying to do it manually."

"I don’t know how else to do it."

"For example, I found out your favorite type of cookie just by watching you eat it." Gavin explained. "I found out that you had trouble speaking to certain people just by watching you interact…or not interacting actually."

"So I have to watch you?"

"No, just spend time with me." Gavin looked at Ryan. "Do you understand?"

Ryan nodded.

"What are you thinking about right now?" Ryan asked suddenly. 

"Um, I don’t know. Why?"

"Tell me exactly what is on your mind." 

"Why, Ryan?" Gavin arched an eyebrow.

"I don’t think you’re thinking what I’m thinking at all and it freaks me out."

"I’ve never heard the word think so many times before in one sentence. Now the word sounds weird. Say it again ‘think’…what a strange word to explain brain activity. Am I right?" Gavin looked at Ryan. The older boy wore an annoyed scowl. "Ok, ok…I don’t now what you’re thinking. Tell me." 

"Do you ever think about me?" Ryan turned his head away from Gavin.

"Yeah, a lot." Gavin nodded.

"When I’m not even there?" Ryan leaned his weight against the wall.

"Uh-huh." Gavin nodded.

"Does it hurt?" 

"Hurt?"

"To breathe." 

"I’m not sure what-"

"That’s what I mean! Something's wrong with me."

"Ryan," Gavin smiled. "Nothing is wrong with you."

"Then why do I…" Ryan sighed. "I’m so stupid sometimes." 

"Ryan!" Gavin frowned. "Just because it doesn’t hurt to breathe when I think of you doesn’t mean I don’t feel the same!"

"But what do you feel…when you think of me?"

"Warm, happy…I smile a lot." Gavin lists. "I wonder when I’ll see you again." 

"None of that hurts?" Ryan asked.

"No." Gavin walked over to Ryan, he extended his hand. "Let’s go get food."

"But-"

"We’re having a good day, let’s not ruin it."

Hesitantly, Ryan laced his fingers with Gavin’s. It felt good.

_____________________________

After lunch, Gavin told Ryan that he needed to call his father and make sure he wasn’t worrying too much about Gavin. He hadn’t told him that he was leaving. The man was drunk when he left the house. Like every year on the day of his wife’s death, and her birthday, Gavin’s father drowned himself in alcohol. 

By the afternoon, as it was now, he was probably awake. Horribly hungover, but awake. Gavin left Ryan downstairs with Mimi as he climbed up to Ryan’s bedroom. He closed the bedroom door behind him and took a deep breath. 

Going under Ryan’s desk where he had folded up his clothes, he dug his phone from the pocket of his pants. Looking at his phone, he had a few texts from the others. Barbara and Ray, Michael too. He didn’t feel like reading them now. It’s not what he came here to do. As he opened up the dialing screen, below it, he saw his call records. It had his dad’s cellphone number listed as ‘missed calls’ over twenty times. 

"Oh no…" Gavin whispered. "He noticed I was gone."

Gavin didn’t want to call him back, he knew his father would be furious. But, it’d be worse if he didn’t call, so he did.

The phone rang twice before it was picked up. Gavin sat down on the floor as he waited to hear his father’s voice. It was quiet on the other end of the phone. He could hear his father breathing. 

"Dad?" Gavin spoke first. He always spoke first. To nearly anyone. This is what Gavin meant last night when he told Ryan that if he never spoke, nothing would ever get done. Nothing would be understood. He hated that he always had to be the responsible one.

"W’the hell you’ve been, Gav?" His father was still slurring his words.

"I went to a friend’s house last night." Gavin was honest with him, there was no point in lying. 

"You should’ve been here with your fucking family." 

"You make it sound like I’ve missed something." Gavin rolled his eyes. 

"Don’t you fucking get smart with me. I’ll bash your damn head in." 

"Sorry." Gavin sighed. "How’s everyone else?"

"Wondering where the bloody hell you’ve been. You know they all look up to you. I don’t understand what your damn problem is m’self. On the day of your mother’s death, you just walk out?"

"What was I supposed to do? Stay in and get drunk like you?"

"S’better than leaving."

"No, it’s really not." Gavin shook his head.

"Get home, now."

"I want to finish helping my friend with something."

"Come help your own damn family."

"Dad, I-"

"Who’s this friend anyway? One of them I met before? The curly haired fellow?"

"No."

"The Mexican?"

"He’s Puerto Rican, and no."

"You’ve gotten laid." His dad snickered. "No wonder you ran out."

"Huh?"

"Barbara." His dad stated. Her name was the only one the man remembered. "You were with Barbara."

"No, Dad. I’m not interested in her that way."

"Well then what other friends do you have? The couple with the tattoos? The ginger with a beard?"

"Dad, just please stop guessing. You don’t know him."

"You’ve got friends that I don’t know?"

"Yeah." 

"You’re bullshitting." His dad cursed, Gavin could hear the sound of a bottle cap hitting the counter. 

"Stop drinking, would you?"

"One of us has to be the man around here."

"Drinking doesn’t make you a man. And…why should I be the adult? I’m not even the oldest."

"Your older brother is too busy being successful to be around and show the younger two how it’s done. That’s your job."

"No, that’s  _your_  job.” Gavin shook his head. 

"Just get the fuck back home. I’m tired, gonna go to bed."

"It’s just past noon." 

"Going t’bed. Come home, make the kids food." His dad paused before adding a remark that he knew Gavin wouldn’t refuse. "Julie would have wanted you to be here for them."

Gavin’s heart stopped beating all together and he felt his jaw hang open. His father used the tactic he always did to get Gavin to do nearly anything. He brought up the boy’s mother, and used it against him. When Gavin was quiet, his father chuckled then hung up the phone. Gavin stared at the device in his hand.

"Is this what she would’ve wanted?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And Now!  
> ThatMavin covers 'Young and Beautiful' by Lana Del Rey
> 
> -walks onto the stage, clears throat, lights dim and the music begins- 
> 
> Will you still love me, when this chapter is lame and typo-ful?  
> I know you will, I know you will,  
> I know that you wiiiillllll....


	9. What Do You Want?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Drive home safely." Gavin spoke as he leaned forward.  
> Ryan’s body tensed up as he felt Gavin’s breath at his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> Whoo! A quick update! Heck yeah!  
> Alright, so this chapter is a bit shorter than the previous ones. But, I had to get it out of my head before I went to sleep last night. I'm super excited to share this with you guys. 
> 
> Ryan and Gavin have so much in common when it comes to having problems with their family. Even though Ryan's situation is far more complex than Gavin's. I'm glad that they can be there for each other. 
> 
> See you all in the next one <3
> 
> And as Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

Gavin’s feet sounded like a drumroll as he bounded down the stairs. Ryan rose his eyes to him. He realized Gavin was dressed in his normal clothes from the previous day. 

"Ryan, I’ve got to go home now." Gavin said, slipping on his shoes. 

"We haven’t finished the-"

"I know, I’m so sorry Ryan. I hate to leave you to do all that work by yourself. Maybe I could come over tomorrow and we could finish it?" Gavin smiled sympathetically. His green eyes scanned the kitchen. "Where’s Mimi?"

"Nap." Ryan responded. Gavin could tell by his one word sentence that Ryan was getting upset. 

"This isn’t your fault Ry, my dad called. He wants me home."

"Should I drive you?" Ryan sighed. 

"No, no." Gavin shook his head. "Just finish the work, or—" He fumbled with his words. "Or don’t, if you don’t want to. Do what you want."

Ryan arched a brow. 

"That sounded rude didn’t it? I didn’t mean it in a way…that sounded…that way." Gavin ran his fingers through his messy hair. 

"Is everything ok?" Ryan asked.

"My dad is upset that I’m not home is all."

"Well," Ryan rose to his feet. "You told me to do what I want?"

"Yeah, but-"

"What about you? What do you want?" Ryan walked over to Gavin. The Brit could smell the sweat on Ryan’s skin. The scent was full of heat, and earth from working out in the sunny fields. Gavin never would have imagined that it’d be a scent that he was attracted to. "What do you want?" Ryan repeated. It took everything in Gavin’s system not to say ‘you’ when Ryan asked what he wanted. Gavin rolled his eyes frustratedly. 

"My dad doesn’t care what I want. He hasn’t in a long time." Gavin felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He knew his father had to be calling again. 

"I care." Ryan looked at Gavin from the small distance between them. Gavin almost resisted the urge to go home. But, the fear of what might happen if he didn’t shook his core and he bit his lip before speaking to Ryan.

"I can just walk home."

"I’m going to drive you." Ryan crossed the kitchen to the coat hook where Ryan usually hung his keys. Here in Texas, they didn’t have the need for coats anyway, so besides the two coats hanging up, other pegs were empty. That’s where he and Mimi kept their keys. Ryan took his, and twirled them around his finger as he lead Gavin out the backdoor. 

_____________________________

Gavin had been living in this town since the summer and October was at it’s midway point now. Even still, he didn’t know the street names. If you asked him, he could tell you what street he lived on, which street the school was on and which street the ‘downtown’ was on. 

But, if you asked him how to get there…he’d have to use landmarks and turn by turn directions which he was sure about…half of the time. Ryan was patient though, and he didn’t have anything else to do. Well, he had the rest of the farm work to do. However, he was far more interested in getting Gavin home. 

And, after a few more of ‘This way, or wait no! That way, sorry, Ry’ they arrived in the more suburban looking part of town. The houses were more modern looking and contrasted against Ryan’s farm house. Ryan had been in this part of town with Mimi when there were garage sales going on. 

"This one." Gavin pointed. The house was white with blue shutters. Ryan examined the house, taking mental notes on a few things. He saw two children’s bikes in the grass. He saw Halloween decorations in the window. 

As Ryan pulled the car to a stop, Gavin unbuckled his seatbelt. 

"Should I come in?" Ryan asked. 

"No." Gavin answered too quickly. 

"Why?"

"A few reasons." Gavin said hesitantly. 

"Tell me." Ryan shrugged. 

"You’re filthy, you won’t be able to talk to my dad," 

"Oh…"

"And, my dad’s a judgmental prick sometimes." Gavin admitted. "When he’s better, he’s fine. But, he’s hung over and he’s a right asshole when he’s like this. I promise he’s not always so horrible. You can meet him some other time."

"Alright then." Ryan was a bit bummed out, but he understood the circumstances. 

"Please forgive my father…please don’t think badly of him or I for it. It’s not his fault. I just…"

"Gavin, I have my own issues, so does my mother…even Mimi. I wouldn’t think badly about any of you for having issues too." Ryan shook his head. "You’re Gavin, you’ll always be Gavin."

"Ryan-"

"Do you understand?" Ryan asked. The kindness touched Gavin in a place that hadn’t been touched in a while, somewhere deep in the corner of his heart where he kept his pain locked away. Tears met his eyes immediately. Ryan unbuckled his seatbelt so he could be closer to Gavin. 

The older male pressed his forehead to Gavin’s. The Brit sputtered a laugh that was followed by more tears. Gavin rubbed his temple to Ryan’s and they both closed their eyes. There was a connection running through the both of them like electrical currents. 

They jumped when Gavin’s phone began to buzz in his pocket. With an annoyed sigh, he pulled away from Ryan. 

"You should go." Ryan’s left hand reached up and unlocked the car doors. 

"Yeah." Gavin said, but didn’t make a move to leave. "Why won’t you be at school on Monday?"

"Therapist." Ryan groaned. "They come to visit every month."

"Normal therapist?"

"I used to see her regularly. But, she’s been assigned to help me ‘cope’ with my mother’s worsening condition. So we spend less time talking about my issues, more time talking about my mother’s. I always tell her that I’d rather not hear about my mother…but she’s been ordered to. So…"

"That bloody sucks."

"It does." 

"I’m sorry Ryan."

"Don’t be." Ryan shrugged. 

"Can I visit you on Monday?" Gavin asked. 

"We can talk about it later. I’m not sure how I’ll be, or if I’ll feel like having company."

"I don’t care." Gavin laughed. "I just want to see you."

"Intruding won’t help if I’m upset."

"If you’re upset, I don’t want you to be alone."

"Aren’t there things called boundaries?" The corners of Ryan’s mouth twitched slightly. Gavin smiled at him as he opened his car door. 

"Ry, we knocked all boundaries down a long time ago."

"Long time ago?" Ryan asked. "We’ve known each other a little over a month!"

"See you on Monday." Gavin got out of the car. Ryan rolled down his window as Gavin walked around to the sidewalk. 

"Get your fucking license so I won’t have to haul your ass around." Ryan teased. 

"You love it."

"I love driving or your ass?" 

Gavin stopped in his tracks and turned to Ryan with wide eyes and a contorted smile. Gavin’s bewildered look only made Ryan crack the second smile Gavin’s ever seen of his. The Brit’s heart beat fast at this. He paced back to Ryan’s car, bending forward, poking his head into the open window.  Up close, the two locked eyes. 

Ryan was still smiling, Gavin noticed that the older male had dimples. Could any human being be more perfect?

"Drive home safely." Gavin spoke as he leaned forward. Ryan’s body tensed up as he felt Gavin’s breath at his skin. Then, Ryan felt the softness against his cheek from Gavin’s lips. The older male’s lips parted as he exhaled. Upon exhale, came a sound that he’s never made before. A low throaty noise forced out by the dizzy feeling in the pit of his stomach. Ryan thought maybe he’d throw up from the sensation. When Gavin stepped away, he examined Ryan’s face. He laughed at the stunned look Ryan wore. "Are you ok?"

"Why did you do that?" Ryan asked. 

"Because, I wanted to…" 

"What was that?"

"A kiss." Gavin rolled his eyes playfully. "Gosh, Ryan. Do I have to tell you everything?"

"I know what it was…but what did it mean?"

"I did it because-"

"Gavin David Free!" A deep accented voice called across the front lawn to where the boy stood. Gavin banged his head on the roof of Ryan’s car as he jumped at the sound of his father’s voice. "Get the hell in the house, right now!"

"Y-yes, Dad!" Gavin ran up the driveway. The man stood in the doorway eyeing Ryan. Ryan didn’t flinch and he held the man’s stare.  As Gavin approached his father, the man took a firm grip to his arm and pulled him to the front entrance then pushed him inside. Fury and the feeling of guilt mixed into Ryan’s blood. His knuckles went pale as they gripped the steering wheel. 

He knew Gavin felt uncomfortable going back home. Why’d he let him do it? Ryan asked himself the question as he turned his car around in the direction he came. He stopped the car in front of the Free Family’s home again. Ryan debated storming up to the house and knocking on the door until Gavin came to it so he could scoop him up and take him back home with him. 

But, the sound of a text message arriving to his phone distracted him. He knew it had to be Gavin. He hurriedly went to his text messages to the conversation with Gavin. 

 

> **Gavin** : Ry, I’m fine. I know it must’ve looked bad, but I’m fine. Go home, ok?
> 
> **Ryan** : I can’t believe he fucking manhandled you like that! I want to fucking kick his ass! I’m still outside should I come get to the door and get you?
> 
> **Gavin** : Please go home Ryan
> 
> **Ryan** : What do you want?
> 
> **Gavin** : I want you to be safe on your drive home
> 
> **Ryan** : Well I want to come get you, but you won’t let me. Why should I listen to you? You’re not listening to me. 
> 
> **Gavin** : Ryan, that’s not true. I always listen to you, even when you’re not saying anything. 
> 
> **Ryan** : Does he ever hit you?
> 
> **Gavin** : Go home, please
> 
> **Ryan** : He hits you…doesn’t he?
> 
> **Gavin** : Dad’s mad because I wasn’t home yesterday, because I didn’t answer his calls, and because he saw me kissing you, I told him it wasn’t even on the lips. Damn it, he bloody overreacts all the time…
> 
> **Ryan** : Why would he be mad about the kiss though? It’s none of his business.
> 
> **Gavin** : That’s what I told him! He’s going on about ‘setting examples’ for my younger siblings. He’s drunk, walking around yelling and stinking of alcohol and me kissing you is ‘highly inappropriate’ and it wasn’t even a full on kiss! It was on the cheek for goodness sake
> 
> **Ryan** : Let me come get you
> 
> **Ryan** : Hello?
> 
> **Gavin** : Sorry, he came in my room, I don’t want him to take my phone. If he did, I wouldn’t be able to talk to you until school :)
> 
> **Ryan** : I’ll go home, but only if you promise me that you’re ok. 
> 
> **Gavin** : I’m fine, Ry. Talk to me when you get home. Never text and drive. 
> 
> **Ryan** : Ok, that wasn’t a promise but I’ll take it. 
> 
> **Gavin** : Thanks for being here for me, Ry
> 
> **Ryan** : Thanks for helping me today on the farm, thanks for having a great night with me yesterday, and thanks for kissing me on the cheek. I don’t understand what it means, but I think it means that we’re going to be friends for a long time, and I like that. 
> 
> **Gavin** : Sometimes I feel like I’m talking to a child when I talk to you, Ryan. You’re so pure, bloody clueless even. In a good way of course. I’ll talk to you later 
> 
> **Ryan** : I’m not a child, grr….later Gav


	10. You're Right, Ry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Masks." Ryan insisted.
> 
> "Masks and costumes."
> 
> "Fine." Ryan nodded. "Other conditions?"
> 
> "No one dies and we ride off in style in your car."
> 
> "Deal."
> 
> "Deal."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> I'm stressing out over summer University class work right now and instead working on my course work, because I'm soooo great, I'm writing f*cking fan fiction. WHERE ARE MY PRIORITIES!? F*CK! Sorry, guys. 
> 
> Anyway, the next chapter is going to be all about Gav and Ry having alone time while Gav's family is away. You can only imagine...ALSO, the chapter after that is going to be Gavin dealing with being at school without Ryan, and Ryan's meeting with his therapist. Drama bombs everywhere. 
> 
> So that's why this chapter and the next one are going to be pretty mellow. But, super cute (I hope).
> 
> Lastly, Ryan is talking so much. I feel maybe too much? But my excuse is that talking over the phone is way easier than talking in person. Soooo, easy for Ryan = talking a lot. 
> 
> That and he's just really blossoming with Gavin's help. It's just...I'm happy with Ryan's progression. If you all think otherwise or that it's all happening too fast LET ME KNOW! I care what you all think!
> 
> Talk to you all soon, babies <3
> 
> And as Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

Ryan said that it hurt to breathe when he thought of Gavin, and Gavin said didn’t know the feeling. But now, as Gavin did the various ‘punishing tasks’ that his father requested him to, he thought of Ryan. His legs felt weak, and his heart beat at a coarse pace. It hurt him so badly, that Ryan wasn’t there. He didn’t feel safe, or at ease like he did in Ryan’s presence. 

Ryan was right, it did hurt to breathe. It hurt to inhale, exhale, to even try and think about anything else other than Ryan proved itself painful. But, he knew as soon as his tasks were finished, he could hide away in his room and call Ryan. He knew that it would make things better. 

_____________________________

Gavin stood by his father’s door to listen, checking if the man was sleeping. He was, good. That meant Gavin could talk on the phone. The Brit ran to his room, closing the door behind him. 

He sat on his bed, pulling his phone from its charger and taking a deep breath before pushing his speed dial he’d set for Ryan. He rolled his eyes at how lame he was to have the older male on speed dial. The phone started ringing and the call was picked up within three rings. Ryan sounded out of breath as he answered. 

"Hello?" Ryan spoke.

"Hi, Ry." Gavin smiled at the sound of his voice. 

"Are you fucking ok?" Ryan asked urgently.

"Yeah, why-"

"You should’ve called me sooner…" Ryan sighed, it sounded like a sigh of relief. 

"You could’ve called me. "

"I didn’t want to get you in trouble." Ryan admitted. "I was afraid your dumb butt would’ve forgotten to leave your phone on vibrate and your father would’ve gotten upset or something."

"Oh…." Gavin nodded, that could’ve happened. "Well I’ll leave it on vibrate for the rest of the weekend. Well, I mean tomorrow is Sunday and that’s all that’s left of the weekend…so technically I’ll just leave it on for the rest of today and tomorrow and then-"

"You’re rambling." Ryan informed him. 

"Sorry." 

"No," Ryan shrugged. "It’s cute." 

"Huh?" Gavin tried not to grin like a fool, but the giddiness hit him hard. "Ryan Haywood, do you have any idea what you’re saying to me?"

"That you’re dumb and it’s cute?"

"Hey, watch it, Ry." Gavin warned. "That’s the second time you’ve called me dumb this conversation."

"Sorry," Ryan said quietly. "You know I don’t think you’re-"

"I’m joking," Gavin assured him. "I know how you feel about me."

"Um,"

"Not…like…I dunno." Gavin blushed. 

"I don’t know how I feel about you, so if  _you_  know how I feel, then please inform me.”

"Shut up," Gavin laughed, quick to change the subject. His mind went to a question he’d been meaning to ask Ryan. "Hey, Ry?"

"Hm?"

"Did you know your father?"

"Nope."

"Oh, sorry."

"Nah, none of that." Ryan sighed. "My father ran out after my mom had me. She had postpartum depression pretty bad and it ran him away. It’s just shitty because he stood by her with all of her other mental and emotional ups and downs, but after me…he left. I remember seeing him once. He came to my fifth birthday party with a gift for me. A remote control car."

"Aw, nice."

"Not really, he promised that after the cake and ice cream, he’d help me set it up and drive it along the sidewalk."

"He didn’t do it, huh?"

"He left before they even finished singing to me." Ryan explained. "I remember hearing ‘Happy Birthday dear, James!' and the car engine starting up in the background. As he pulled off, he was on his cellphone. So, probably on his way to his girlfriend’s house or something."

"He had another woman?"

"Yeah, after he left my mom, he immediately got with some chick…I dunno."

"Oh."

"Yeah. He’s still somewhere in Georgia with his now wife. He might have more kids by now, who knows." 

"Oh, Ryan." Gavin sighed. "I’m sorry that I asked."

"Why?"

"It must be hard to talk about."

"If it was hard to talk about, we both know that I probably wouldn’t be talking."

"True."

"Besides, we talked about getting to know each other right?"

"We did, Ry."

"Well now you know more about me." Ryan confirmed.

"I do, thanks." Gavin smiled again. He heard Ryan’s bed creak as he got into it. The Brit glanced at the clock. "Are you going to sleep?"

"No, I’m on the phone with you."

"I know, but you’re-"

"I’m just laying down. Getting comfortable."

"Alright then, Ryan."

"I have a feeling that we’re going to be on the phone for a while."

"Looking into the future?"

"Hell yeah." Ryan chuckled. Gavin gasped at the sound of Ryan’s laughter.

"Ryan, no! You’re smiling and I can’t see it!" Gavin whined. 

"Hold on." Ryan said. Gavin held on for a moment, then his phone beeped. "Ok, I’m back."

"I’ve got a text." Gavin announced as he went to the home screen, then to his messages.

"Duh, I sent it."

"Oh…" Gavin went to he and Ryan’s thread. He saw that it was a picture message. "Ry…is this what I think it is?"

"Open it, find out." Ryan suggested playfully. Gavin could hear a lighthearted tone in his friend’s voice.

"So excited!" Gavin pressed on the file and a small downloading bar flashed. In moments, the screen was filled with Ryan’s image. 

It was a picture of Ryan. He was sitting up in bed, his back against the wall. His hair disheveled from the day’s events, but fluffy like he might’ve recently showered. His eyes sort of sleepy, and a dimpled smile on his face. “Ry,” Gavin breathed, zooming in on Ryan’s face to examine the smile better.

"Hm?"

"You just sent me a selfie." Gavin sounded astounded. 

"A what?"

"How’d you capture your real smile in a picture? Whenever I smile for a photo, I look soooo phony." Gavin commented. 

"I wasn’t smiling for a photo…I was smiling for you, Gav."

"Ryan, bloody hell." Gavin took a deep breath, trying to get the butterflies in his stomach to calm. 

"What?"

"Are you going to smile all the time now?" Gavin teased.

"I feel like smiling all the time becuase of you, so I might." Ryan’s tone was teasing, though even through the yawn, Gavin could tell he meant it.

"If you’re tired, go to sleep."

"No way."

"Stubborn."

"Back atcha, Gav." Ryan rolled his eyes. "I tried to get you to come back home with me and you hopped your little ass out of my car. So, you’re stubborn." 

"My dad would’ve killed you if I hadn’t."

"Would he though?"

"Yes, Ryan."

"Would he have killed you first, or me first?"

"You."

"Why?"

"So he could spend the rest of his life yelling at me. Then on his death bed, with one shaking hand, he would’ve somehow killed me."

"Fuck."

"I know."

"Tell me something." Ryan demanded.

"Like what?"

"Anything." 

"Well, I cooked dinner today, cleaned stuff, did laundry and took care of my siblings."

"Tell me about your siblings."

"Um, well the two that are here are called Avery and Lilly. They’re eight year old twins. They’re really mature for their age, when they want to be." Gavin smiled. "I have an older brother too, called Sam. He’s away at Uni, doing Med. school." Gavin explained. 

"Oh, ok." Ryan took in the information, realizing that Gavin said nothing at all about his father. But, the older didn’t bring it up. It was probably best. Not that Ryan wanted to know anything about him really anyway. 

"Avery and Lilly asked if you were my boyfriend." Gavin laughed. Ryan’s lips parted but the words got caught in his throat, though he managed to say something. 

"W-what did you tell them?"

"I said no, told them the truth."

"Why did they ask you that?" Ryan was extraordinarily curious to know.

"They heard my dad bitching and moaning about how I was in the street showing PDA like a harlot. So they thought that since I was kissing you, that you were my boyfriend." Gavin began. "But, I told them that I kissed you on the cheek like we kiss our grandma, not like how people kiss in the movies."

"Movie kisses aren’t real kisses anyway." Ryan added.

"You’re right, Ry. They’re not." Gavin agreed. Ryan cleared his throat before demanding another installment of Gavin 101. This time, the topic was the boy’s room.

“Tell me about your room next.”

"What about my room?" 

"Just tell me about it." Ryan held the phone to his ear, propping his chin on his hand. 

"Ok." Gavin looked around his space, trying to think of what to tell Ryan first. 

_____________________________

Their phone conversation had been going on for well over an hour before they even noticed. Ryan only noticed because he’d never felt his phone so warm before, except for when he left it in his car for too long that one time. As he pulled the phone from his ear, he looked at the running time of the conversation. He couldn’t believe how long they’d been talking. Or, the fact that his phone screen was greasy.

"I didn’t even know that my ear could sweat." Ryan reported. 

"Huh?"

"I think my ear is sweating." Ryan stated. "My phone is so hot."

"Your phone’s hot?" Gavin laughed. “Oh baby, stop before you turn your phone on." Gavin’s sleepy brain was by far the weirdest one he had. Not that…he had more than one brain…it’s just that-

"The phone is already on," Ryan said matter-of-factly. "If it wasn’t, I couldn’t be talking on it." 

"Oh, Ryan." Gavin sighed. "You didn’t get my joke."

"Did you tell one?" Ryan had a hint of ‘smart-ass’ in his voice, which mean Ryan knew that he was pulling Gavin’s leg. 

"Clear off, you." Gavin snickered, but he was interrupted by an abrupt ‘Ryan question’.

"Why’d you call?" Ryan asked. The question caught Gav a little off guard and he rose an eyebrow.

"To talk to you." Gavin shrugged. "Like we have been for an hour."

"What would you do if I came over right now?" Ryan posed another question.

"You wouldn’t dare, Ryan."

"I would."

"Don’t."

"Would you let me in?"

"No, because I’m grounded."

"Grounded? For what?"

"Have you forgotten the last couple of day’s events…or?"

"I mean, I know. But what the hell?" 

"It’s how he is, Ry. I dunno." Gavin sighed. 

"That’s bullshit. Tell him it’s bullshit."

"Then I’d be grounded longer."

"What are you even grounded from? You said you had an Xbox in your room. That’s sound pretty fun to me. So you’re not grounded from fun?"

"I am actually grounded from fun." Gavin said. "I have to come straight home after school everyday for the rest of the month."

"Lame." Ryan sighed. 

"Would you’ve let me come over your house everyday?"

"Most likely."

"Damn it." Gavin frowned. "I’m missing out."

"True, you are." Ryan confirmed sarcastically. "It’s soooo much fun over here."

"It is!"

"Anyway, that’s not what I’m disappointed about."

"Why then?"

"I was thinking that you might like to have gone to the Monster Bash."

"What the hell is that?"

"I saw some flyer at school talking about wearing costumes to gym, then drinking punch and having a ‘ghoul of a time’ or something like that."

"Are you asking me to a school dance, Ry?"

"Huh?" Ryan asked. "A dance? They said nothing about dancing. I just want to wear a scary costume."

"Monster Bash is a typical high school dance. Only this one isn’t a formal."

"Oh…I’ve seen those in movies." 

"You’ve never been to a dance?"

"In that movie Carrie, she went to a dance and they dumped blood on her. It was pretty cool."

"Ryan, that doesn’t happen in real life…"

"So what happens?"

"You haven’t seen any other movies about lame high school dances?" Gavin yawned.

"No."

"Well, it’s super cheesy," Gavin began. "But you and your date, or friends, show up and dance to lame music. Then you do drink punch. Then there’s usually drama between the females. Then there’s the kiss and you go home. Unless, it’s prom. Then everyone makes it a point to get drunk and have sex."

"I hate high school."

"I told you it’s lame."

"Can’t we crash the party?"

"What do you mean?"

"Do something crazy, maybe get in trouble."

"Ryan," Gavin said in disbelief. "You were so quiet before. I never would’ve guessed that you were a madman."

"I’m just saying it would be more fun."

"You know what…" Gavin thought. "Maybe we will cause some trouble."

"Sweet!"

"On a few conditions."

"Alright."

"One, we can’t get caught."

"Super sleuths!" 

"I mean it, I’m already in trouble for the rest of the month. I can’t get caught, my dad might  _literally_  kill me.”

"Not if I can stop him." Ryan frowned. "Your dad pisses me off."

"He’s not so bad, I swear." Gavin tried to convince the un-convincible Ryan.

"Fine…what’s your next condition?"

"We wear costumes."

"Masks." Ryan insisted.

"Masks and costumes."

"Fine." Ryan nodded. "Other conditions?"

"No one dies and we ride off in style in your car."

"Deal."

"Deal." Gavin smiled. "When’s the dance anyway?"

"Closer to Halloween. It’s next weekend."

"Is that before or after Halloween?"

"Um," Ryan thought. "Today is the 18th, it’s a week from today. So the 25th."

"That’s crap." Gavin frowned. 

"Why? You have plans?" Ryan felt a bit disappointed again. 

"No, it’s just basically a week before Halloween. I’ll need two costumes."

"Don’t tell me you want to go-" Ryan rolled his eyes. 

"Yes I want to go trick or treating. Will you come with me?"

“Re-wear the costume from the dance.” Ryan suggested. “Do they even hand out candy to older kids here?”

"We’ll have to find out now won’t we?" Gavin smirked. “But, we can’t re-wear our costumes. They’ll know that we were the hell raisers, Ryan!”

“True.” Ryan tried to think of another plan for trick or treating costumes, but dropped the idea easily in exchange for another. “What if we don’t get any candy?”

"Then we’ll raise more hell, Ry." Gavin yawned. He could tell that he was going to pass out any minute. "I’m sleepy."

"You can call me tomorrow."

"No," Gavin shook his head even though Ryan couldn’t see it. "Stay."

"Are we gonna have an over the phone sleepover?"

"Hell yeah." Gavin laughed. 

"Well, I’m gonna put you on speaker phone." Ryan yawned. "My phone is too warm to hold." 

"Sure." Gavin heard the phone crinkling as Ryan moved it. "I’d put you on speaker too, but I don’t want Dad to hear."

"Gotcha." Ryan laid his head on his pillow. It got quiet, the boys took turns yawning. 

"Tell me a story, Ry."

"About?"

"Anything."

"Um…." Ryan thought. "Oh, got one."

"Go on."

"Did I ever tell you about the Boy Made of Light?"

"Huh?"

"There was a boy that was made of light, and everywhere he went, he made people’s lives brighter."

"Um…" Gavin shook his head. "Nope."

"Good, it’s one of my favorites to tell."

"Since when do you tell stories? You barely talk." Gavin corrected himself. “You  _used_  to barely talk.”

"Shut up."

"Sorry, sorry. Tell the story."

"So, there-"

"Wait!" Gavin stopped him.

"What?" Ryan wouldn’t admit it, but he was a bit startled by Gavin’s outburst. 

"I wanted to tell you good night in advance, in case I fall asleep."

"Good night, Gavin." The corners of Ryan’s mouth twitched.

"Good night, Ry." Gavin wore a sleepy grin. "Ok, ok. Story!"

"Oh right, so….there was this boy made of of light. Literally, he was brighter than any ray of sun."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and he came into people’s lives, only with the purpose to make them smile, so they could have their own light too."

"Mhm."

"There was this boy, who was sad."

"Why?"

"Because he’d been in the dark so long, he’d forgotten what the light was like. Until the Boy Made of Light came to him."

"Aw,"

"You do know I’m talking about me and you right? Or is this going over your head?"

"Of course, Ry. Keep going."

"Hm, well anyway. The boy of light…"

_____________________________

Gavin woke up the next day, on Sunday morning, to the sound of his bedroom door being opened. He gasps as he felt a strong hand on his shoulder. 

"Out of bed." His father demanded. 

"Dad, what-"

"Do your bloody homework." His father pointed to his desk. 

"What time is-"

"I bet you didn’t have time to do it the other night because you were to busy with your boyfriend." His father said in a mocking voice. Gavin sat up groggily, looking at the clock above his TV. 

"Dad, it’s bloody seven in the morning. Can’t this wait?"

"I’m not going to have your academics slipping because you’re being a giddy little prick. Academics first, fun later."

"Fine, whatever. Can you close my door?"

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"Academics first,” 

"Fun later." Gavin sighed. 

"Good, do your homework. I’m taking the twins to their gymnastics class." His father closed the door behind him as he left. Gavin sat, waiting until he heard his father’s footsteps as he walked away. At least he’d be alone for most of the day. With a yawn, Gavin picked up his phone and scrolled to the photo of Ryan, that he received last night. He sighed contently at Ryan’s smile, then began typing to him.

> **Gavin** : Sometimes I forget about reality, and that everyone isn’t as kind and patient as you are
> 
> **Ryan** : Are you alright?
> 
> **Gavin** : What are you doing up this early on a Sunday?
> 
> **Ryan** : I had a bad dream…
> 
> **Gavin** : Want to talk about it?
> 
> **Ryan** : No.
> 
> **Gavin** : Please?
> 
> **Ryan** : …
> 
> **Gavin** : Ok, ok. 
> 
> **Ryan** : Can I come over?
> 
> **Gavin** : Ryan, I already told you no…I’m grounded. That means no company, and he already doesn’t like you too much
> 
> **Ryan** : For fuck’s sake, screw your Dad
> 
> **Gavin** : Ryan, please. That’s grosss ;D
> 
> **Ryan** : Not funny :P
> 
> **Gavin** : I’ll talk to you later, he’s making me do my homework right now.
> 
> **Ryan** : I’m coming over after lunch, you can’t stop me
> 
> **Gavin** : Ryan, bleeding hell…I said no
> 
> **Gavin** : Ry?
> 
> **Gavin** : RYAN I MEAN IT
> 
> **Ryan** : Do your homework. 
> 
> **Gavin** : James Ryan Haywood, you stop being an ass right now
> 
> **Ryan** : :)
> 
> **Gavin** : Ryan…
> 
> **Ryan** : Seriously, I’m not talking to you until your homework is done or until I come over…whichever comes first. 
> 
> **Gavin** : Ryan
> 
> **Gavin** : RYAN!
> 
> **Gavin** : Fuck you (-_-")
> 
> **Ryan** : Watch your fucking mouth…gosh, Gav. Your language is fucking atrocious…  :P
> 
> _____________________________

Gavin sat at the kitchen counter, pivoting on the stool as he popped Goldfish crackers into his mouth. With his other hand, he was working out the complex math problems that he didn’t quite care for. Just as he finished his math, the doorbell rang. In a quick attempt to look decent for whoever it was, Gavin ran his fingers through his hair as he trotted to the door. 

He really shouldn’t have been surprised to see Ryan standing there. 


	11. Going into Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Get in the house." Ryan gave a small smile. 
> 
> "How could I bloody leave when you’re smiling at me like that?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! 
> 
> I'm sorry it took so long, I found it so hard to find a flow with this chapter. I also had trouble actually liking what I'd written after I'd written it...sorry. Writers' problems. 
> 
> Ok, so enjoy this 4K+ chapter! I don't have much to say. 
> 
> Next chapter, Ryan's therapist appointment, Gavin's solo adventure at school. 
> 
> I love you guys :) sorry if this chapter was super cheesy and cute, but I couldn't stop myself!  
> As usual, I'll go back through to fix my numerous typos that I probably missed!
> 
> And as Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

October was finally starting to feel like October. The air was slightly cooler, and smelled a bit more like chilled atmosphere. It wasn’t anything too crazy, but that was only because it was Texas and cold wasn’t  _cold_  here. As Gavin opened his front door with a look of surprise on his face, he wasn’t sure if the sudden icy feeling along his skin was from the October air, or the fact that Ryan was standing there in front of him. 

Gavin had planned that in the event that Ryan would show up that day, he would scold him for going against his father’s rules, and potentially getting him in more trouble. But, as he opened the door and saw Ryan standing there, Gavin gave a sharp noise and lunged forward through his front door and hugged Ryan tightly. 

"Ryan!" Gavin squeed. When the older boy stayed motionless beneath Gavin’s hold, the Brit took a step back and furrowed his brow. "Are you alright?"

Ryan bowed his head forward submissively. 

"If you want me to leave, I will." Ryan began. "I walked, I didn’t bring my car in case your father would see it and get upset."

"Ryan I’m happy to see you…why would I want you to leave?"

"This whole walk over here, I was trying to think of something to say to you." Ryan began. "Something that would make you listen to me, and understand why I was so insistent about coming to see you."

"I understand, and I am listening."

"Just let me say this, Gavin." Ryan picked up his head and gave Gavin intense blue eyed stares.

"O-ok."

"Gavin, I was trying to find a way to tell you how much I want for you to be happy, and safe. But I couldn’t." Ryan sighed. "The only thing that kept coming into my mind, over and over and over again, was the thought of how your father, if he wanted to, had the power to take you away from me."

Gavin stepped from his house, closing the unlocked door behind him. 

"He could take you from me, and that scares the shit out of me." Ryan runs his hands over his hair. "I don’t have words to describe the feeling that I have. It’s like, I  _need_  you.” 

Ryan looked at the ground as he tried to come up with the words he needed but, he couldn’t think of a better way to say it. 

"It’s like, in order to be who I am now, who I want to be. I need you." Ryan reached his hands up again and into his hair, grabbing at the honey colored locks. "Is that selfish?"

He turned his back to Gavin and pointed out into the world that lay beyond the suburban neighborhood. 

"You see all of that?" Ryan asked then turned back to Gavin. "I want you to see that, enjoy that. But, I want to be there with you experiencing it." Ryan flashed a quick grin that made Gavin take in a sharp breath of air through his parted lips. "And even though I’ll be there with you, experiencing it all. I still want you to tell me about it." 

Ryan’s grin was broad like a rising sun on the horizon, a sun that Gavin never wanted to go back down. 

"I want to see things through your eyes so badly Gavin." Ryan admitted. "I feel like things would just be brighter."

"They are brighter Ryan, when I’m with you." Gavin smiled, and for the first time, his emotions didn’t want him to cry. He just wanted to keep looking at Ryan. The Brit reached up slowly to touch Ryan’s face. The firmness of his cheek from the smile he wore, the slight stubble against Gavin’s finger tips. "Your face is prickly." Gavin commented fondly. 

"Yeah…" Ryan nodded. "I didn’t shave…"

"I’d quite like you with facial hair."

"Don’t count on it, Mimi thinks it makes me look unkept if I let it grow too much."

"Mimi is a doll," 

"She is." Ryan agreed, and as his smile faded, Gavin dropped his hand from Ryan’s face. "Speaking of parents, where’s your dad?"

"He took the twins to their gymnastics class." Gavin sighed contently. "So I have the house to myself. Do you want to come in? I’m not really supposed to have company or leave the house, but technically I’ve just broken both of those rules."

"Um, actually…" Ryan wore a sheepish look. "I was hoping that we could go somewhere."

"Go somewhere?"

"I wanted to go for a walk, maybe go into town to grab some cookies from the bakery." Ryan rose his eyes to Gavin again. "I really want cookies."

"But-" Gavin gave a displeased noise. "My father is in town right now…"

"So?"

"What if he sees me? Or we don’t get back before he does?"

"Gavin, don’t be afraid of him." Ryan shook his head. "Don’t think, just do."

"But, how am I not supposed to fear him? He’s terrifying."

"If you don’t shake that fear of your father now, you will hold onto it for the rest of your life." Ryan’s words hit Gavin hard. The Brit couldn’t think of something to say back. "Gavin, you’re stronger than him, and I know it."

"What makes you think I’m stronger than him??" Gavin chuckled in disbelief. 

"Because Gavin," Ryan’s blue eyes locked onto Gavin like a target as he sent another explosive sentence to him. "You’re stronger than him because he’s already broken."

_____________________________

As they begin walking towards town, Gavin couldn’t help but worry that they might get caught. Gavin’s heartbeat was in his throat with fear. Ryan could sense his unease and wanted to do something to help, so he ran in front of Gavin and started walking backwards.

Gavin looked up at him with a questioning expression. Ryan stuck out his tongue and crossed his eyes, making a silly face. Gavin tried not to giggle. 

"Will you just walk normally and watch where you’re going? We’re coming to an intersection." Gavin shook his head. 

"What’s in it for me?"

"You get to live, and not be pancaked on the street."

"I dunno, it’s kind of appealing. I’ve always wanted to be a pancake." Ryan shrugged. 

"Shut up," Gavin reached up and took Ryan’s stubbly cheeks in his hands. 

"Ow, you’re pinching too tight!" Ryan grumbled. 

"Take that!!" Gavin pinched the stubbled flesh between his fingers. 

"What are you doing??"

"You said you wanted to be a pancake, so I’m squishing you into one!" Gavin pinched harder. 

"No, no, no! Stop!" Ryan laughed, Gavin did too. They kept the eye contact as they stumbled along the sidewalk. Smiling at one another like they could see stars in each other’s eyes.  

"Would you let me go?" Ryan tried to turn his head away, but Gavin held him firmly. 

"Only if you agree that you no longer want to be a pancake."

"I give, I give!"

"Say it!"

"I don’t want to be a pancake, fuck!" Ryan cursed as Gavin let his face go. Ryan gave a glare, rubbing his now sore face. He wasn’t really upset though. "Gav, I was joking."

"Not funny," Gavin shrugged. "I don’t want Pancake Ryan, I want Regular Ryan."

"You want me?" Ryan teased, still rubbing his face. 

"Did it hurt that badly?" Gavin ignored Ryan’s question. 

"Kinda." 

"Hold still." Gavin put his hands on both of Ryan’s shoulders. Ryan stumbled away from Gavin, startled by the sudden closeness. Back a few more steps until his spine pressed against the pole of the streetlight. His pulse took a whole new pace as he felt Gavin moving closer again. Gavin got onto his toes, though he didn’t need to. 

Slowly, Gavin placed a kiss on each side of Ryan’s sore face. The kisses lingered from his cheeks, running along his skin to just next to each ear. The grain of Ryan’s stubble tickled Gavin’s lips as he did so. 

Ryan’s body reacted before his brain did. His heart rate spasmed again rising and lowering at a dizzying rate and he bit his lip, his eye-lids became heavy. 

"Gavin," Ryan murmured. "Why are…"

"Shhh," Gavin responded, coming down from his toes and placing another kiss to Ryan’s chin, as close to Ryan’s lips as Gavin would dare to go. He knew Ryan wouldn’t understand a kiss to the lips…not yet. He wanted their first real kiss to be something Ryan would have an equally as pleasing experience with. It pained him to have to stop there, but it was just as well. Gavin released Ryan’s shoulders, and was surprised at what Ryan did next.

Without thinking about it, Ryan pulled the back of Gavin’s neck so that the Brit bowed his head forward. Then, Ryan placed a quick kiss onto Gavin’s temple, then released him. Ryan pushed Gavin a step away gently for good measure. He wanted to get a look at Gavin, as if his kiss might have changed something about the Brit. But, as Gavin picked his head up, he smiled, just the same as always. If the kiss hadn’t done anything to him, then what’s the point in doing it? Ryan didn’t understand kissing. 

He saw students slobbering all over each other in the halls at school, he’d seen it in married couples at the park. Taking their eyes from their young children for just a moment to share a kiss. He’d seen it way too much in movies as a desperate thing. Something that had to be done otherwise the two characters seemed likely to combust. 

When Ryan kissed Gavin, he felt weird. He didn’t feel the same as when he received Gavin’s kisses. Maybe Ryan just wasn’t made for kissing. Or maybe he wasn’t doing it right…

Either way, he decided to stop trying and continue their walk. He gave a sigh and pressed his hand to Gavin’s back, pushing him forward so they could continue onto Main Street into town.  

_____________________________

Main Street had everything, and everyone called it ‘Downtown’. Gavin always found this quite laughable after having been to places like New York City. The entire downtown of the small town was  _technically_ split between two streets, but it was mainly just one street. Granted that the street was pretty long…it was still just one street. Also, there weren’t any skyscrapers and the buildings didn’t light up like twinkling stars at night. Their lights all went out at night, just like the houses.

The size of their Downtown didn’t bother Ryan, though he’d never been to a big city. However what did bother him, was how boring and predictable Downtown was. All of the wholesome townsfolk closed their businesses basically at the same time, and they all greeted the costumers the same way. Since everyone pretty much knew everyone, they always tried to act like they were family. 

When Ryan came into certain shops and the owners or other costumers would immediately call him ‘sugar’ or ‘darling’ and ask him about Mimi. Even though they didn’t know Ryan as well because he was new to town  _and_ because he preferred not to socialize, they still tried talking to him. 

But, since becoming friends with Gavin, Ryan’s gained the ability to at least say a few words to them, even though he didn’t care to. He knew it was the appropriate thing to do. Still, there were those times where words just wouldn’t come out. Unlike before though, Ryan actually felt bad for not being able to say anything. He even felt a jab of embarrassment when he would be leaving the store after awkward silence with the townsfolk and they said something like ‘poor troubled boy’ or ‘what the hell was his problem?’ and Ryan was especially unused to the feeling of embarrassment. Coming from a place of just not caring, and to being fully aware of everything  _and more_  was quite the emotional shock

Speaking of emotional shock, Gavin was basically holding his breath as they entered downtown. Even though Gavin found the area laughable, he wan’t laughing as they approached it. His shark of a father was lurking around in these waters, ready to make Gavin his prey should he see the young Brit. 

Ryan extended his hand to Gavin as he could feel the nervousness radiating off of his friend. Gavin jumped at the touch against his forearm as Ryan moved his fingertips along Gavin’s skin. As Ryan’s fingers met Gavin’s, he tapped their fingertips together. This was his way of indicating that he wanted to hold hands. He wasn’t exactly sure how to ask otherwise. Gavin took the hint quickly and reflexively laced their fingers. 

"Thanks, Ry." Gavin squeezed Ryan’s hand. "Sorry." Gavin commented, feeling like a burden to Ryan. 

"It’s just you and it’s just me, ok?" Ryan asked. "It’s just us."

"Just us." Gavin held Ryan’s hand tighter. 

"Yeah."

Ryan lead Gavin around the corner to the most popular bakery on Main Street. As they entered, hand in hand, Gavin gasped at who was behind the cash register. 

Barbara Dunkleman. 

"Hello, welcome to Sweetie’s, how may I help you?" She gave her ‘scripted’ greeting, though she rose an eyebrow at the two of them. Her eyes fell immediately to their held hands. 

"H-hey, Barb." Gavin greeted her as he and Ryan approached. 

"Hi." She responded, glancing over her shoulder to see if her boss was around. He wasn’t, and there were no other people in line, so she indulged in conversation. "How are you guys?" 

"Fine." Gavin realized that he and Ryan were still holding hands. He let Ryan’s go, much to Ryan’s annoyance. 

"Are you two, um…?" Barbara inquired. "Together?"

"No, we’re just going on a walk together. We’re not dating or anything. I’m grounded, so Ryan wanted to cheer me up and-"

"Why are you grounded, Gavin? What could someone like you possibly do to get in trouble." Barbara laughed. Gavin didn’t want to mention the part about getting caught kissing Ryan, so instead he told the other half. 

"I snuck out of the house, stayed out all night." Gavin rolled his eyes. "My father was being a drunk asshole anyway, I didn’t want to stick around for that."

"Shit, Gav. That sucks, I’m sorry." Barbara responded. 

"Yeah." Gavin nodded, Ryan folded his strong arms.

"What’s your punishment?"

"I have to go home everyday after school immediately. So no friends for the rest of the month." Gavin rolled his eyes. 

"So I won’t see you at the dance then either?" Barbara pouted. 

"Um, you won’t  ** _see_**  me.” Gavin discretely nudged Ryan. The corners of the older male’s mouth twitched. 

"You won’t be there either, Ryan?" Barbara turned to him. Ryan shook his head. "Sucks, well…"

"Barbara!" Her boss yelled from the back. "Enough chatting!"

"Fuck, I mean — " Barbara hadn’t heard him return from the storage room, and he’d clearly startled her. She cleared her throat. "Yes sir!"

Gavin laughed. 

"Shut up, how may I help you?" Barbara asked. 

"I’ll get-" Gavin was cut off by Ryan. 

"Two dozen chocolate chip cookies." Ryan stated. Barbara was stunned at Ryan’s speaking, she hadn’t heard him talk in a long time. She stared at him for a moment frozen still. Ryan kept his arms folded as Barbara looked at him, after a few moments, he arched his eyebrow at her. 

Barbara giggled shyly as she punched in the order.

"Anything else?" She asked the two of them. 

"Uh…" Gavin looked at Ryan, then back to Barbara. "No, we’re good."

"Ok," Barbara smiled and rang up the order then waved the two boys off. Immediately she sent a text to Michael. 

> **Barbara** : I’m at work
> 
> **Michael** : Fucking brag about it lol 
> 
> **Barbara** : Gavin just came in
> 
> **Michael** : Cool
> 
> **Barbara** : He’s grounded
> 
> **Michael** : Sucks
> 
> **Barbara** : He was with Ryan and they came into the shop together just now, he’s snuck out with him
> 
> **Michael** : Ok…
> 
> **Barbara** : Get this though, they were holding hands!
> 
> **Michael** : I don’t want to fucking hear about this, why are you even telling me??
> 
> **Barbara** : Your princess is in another castle!
> 
> **Michael** : Fuck off
> 
> _____________________________

"I knew you liked this last time."

"Shut up, Gavin." Ryan commented, with a mouth full of cookie.

"Give me another." Gavin outstretched his hand to Ryan. The older lazily and without looking retrieved another cookie from the box and gave it to Gavin.

The two boys were laying on the picnic tables at the school, staring up at the sky like Gavin had suggested previously after school. Ryan hated to admit that it was one of the most peaceful things he’d ever done in his entire life. With a box full of fresh chocolate chip cookies and Gavin by his side, he was in blissful peace and extremely content. 

"These cookies are so good, I can never look at a school cookie the same way." Gavin moaned. "How did you find out about these?"

"Mimi brought me back one after a trip to Main Street with one of our farmworkers a while ago." Ryan explained. "It changed my life."

"It’s changing mine right now, bleeding hell, Ryan." Gavin commented. 

"Tell me about it." Ryan said. “I got two dozen so I can binge eat them while I dread my therapist appointment. If I ration them, I can binge eat some after the appointment too.”

Gavin laughed.

"You’re so silly.”

“Nope.” Ryan watched the wind sweep the clouds across the sky. He wished that he’d know about this non-activity activity before Gavin had shown him. There were so many times where this would’ve just been an awesome thing to do. A way to be alone, back when he wanted to be. Now he just rather be with Gavin. 

“Ugh,” Gavin turned his head to Ryan. “What time is it?”

"Don’t leave if you don’t want to." Ryan responded, turning his head to Gavin too. Gavin’s heart swam in his chest and locked eyes with Ryan. 

"I don’t ever want to fucking leave you," Gavin cursed. Ryan found it oddly appealing when Gavin swore. The words always sounded somewhat misplaced on the Brit’s lips. Maybe Ryan liked it so much, because as far as Gavin goes, him swearing was something different. Ryan began to wonder if his hobby of finding something different was just a hobby, or if it was becoming an obsession. His thoughts were interrupted by Gavin speaking again. “I don’t ever want to leave you, silly.”

"Don’t." Ryan shrugged. 

"I have to," Gavin sat up and looked at his phone. "My father has probably gotten home by now with the twins. Hopefully he’s too distracted with them to notice I’m not there."

"So," Ryan sat up as well. "You want to go?"

"I should, Ry." Gavin smiled sadly.

"Ok." Ryan scooted himself off of the table and stretched. 

"I’ll go in the backdoor, it’s always unlocked." Gavin watched as Ryan began walking towards the sidewalk. 

"Huh?" Ryan laughed in confusion. Gavin was struck by the smile.

"God, I love when you do that." Gavin walked through the grass to where Ryan stood. "But yeah, it’ll be good to go in through there the back now because he won’t notice me."

"What if someone came in to steal something?" Ryan asked. “Why leave the door unlocked, Gav?” 

"Don’t even ask." Gavin shook his head. “My dad just prefers it that way.”

"But…hey," Ryan smirked. "Now I know how to come in a visit you if I want to. We could hang out all the time now."

"Ryan, you wouldn’t dare." Gavin’s eyes widened. 

"You said the same thing about me coming over today. I did that didn’t I?"

"I mean…"

"This will be fun!"

"You’re impossible, Ry." Gavin sighed, but his stomach swarmed with butterflies as he imagined Ryan coming to visit whenever he wanted to. He could see Ryan coming into his home, and bringing the sense of fearlessness and confidence with him. With Ryan, Gavin truly felt like he could do anything. 

"If I’m impossible, then you’re different.”

"We’re both different," Gavin took Ryan’s hand again, he liked to walk with him like this. "Take me home."

_____________________________

Sure enough, his father’s car was in the driveway. Gavin gave a small curse under his breath as they passed it. Ryan followed Gavin all the way to his backdoor. As Gavin stared at his home he took a deep breath. 

"Don’t be afraid of him." Ryan reminded him. Gavin’s head turned to Ryan at the sound of his voice. 

"I’m n-not." Gavin responded. It was a lie, but not completely. He wasn’t as afraid as he used to be. But, he knew as soon as Ryan was out of sight, a large amount of the fear would return. 

"Don’t lie either." Ryan gently scolded. Gavin gave a small grin at this. 

"Sorry, Ry." 

"I’m going to stay out here until you text me to leave." Ryan rocked forward and back on his heels.

"Just go home, don’t worry." Gavin shook his head. "You’ve helped me enough today, Ryan."

"Bullshit," Ryan said. "I couldn’t help you enough."

"Not true."

"I can’t stand your father, Gavin."

"He’s not as bad as he seems." 

"Well he seems fucking awful." Ryan shifted his weight to his other foot. "You are the kindest person on the planet, you don’t deserve to be treated as anything less."

"Ry," Gavin smiled fondly. "You’re…"

"Different, like you."

"Go home." Gavin put his hand on the door handle, but he kept his eyes on Ryan. 

"When you text me saying that you’re okay, then I will." Ryan shrugged. "If you don’t in a half hour, I’m busting in."

"Fair enough," Gavin laughed. "See you tomorrow."

"Maybe."

"After your therapist meeting."

"No, after  _school_ , if anything.” Ryan corrected. “I told you that you’re not skipping to come see me.”

"Ugh, but-"

"Get in the house." Ryan gave a small smile. 

"How could I bloody leave when you’re smiling at me like that?" Gavin asked. Ryan rolled his eyes, his cheeks turned a faint rouge. The older boy reached passed the younger and opened the door for Gavin. Reluctantly, Gavin gave Ryan a brief hug and went inside. Ryan closed the door gently behind Gavin. 

 _____________________________

As Gavin entered the house, he heard his siblings playing in the living room. He couldn’t tell where his father was, and that scared him. He moved slowly through the hallway, his legs felt just about ready to give out. He hadn’t thought about what his father might do if he found out that Gavin has left the house. Would Gavin get hit? 

The fear crawled up his spine like tiny spiders. However, the closer he got to the kitchen, he heard his father talking over the phone to someone at the breakfast nook. As Gavin entered the room, the man looked up. 

"Gavin!" His father called. "Didn’t you hear me bloody calling you?"

"Uh…n-no, I had my headphones on while I studied." Gavin thought quick on his feet. 

"Well, I was damn telling you that…"

Gavin’s father rambled on about whatever it was that he found so important. But, the young Brit wasn’t listening. He was smiling to himself as he realized that he was safe. His father didn’t suspect a thing! Gavin pretended to listen to his father as his insides started to boil with excitement to tell Ryan of their successful excursion. With unquestionable urgency, Gavin dismissed himself to the bathroom. 

The first floor bathroom looked out over the backyard so he could talk to Ryan through it. Gavin ran down the hall, skidding to a stop at the bathroom’s door. He swung it open and closed with excited force. He struggled a bit with getting the window open, but once it was open, he poked his head through. 

"Ryan!" Gavin squawked excitedly. Ryan’s head tilted up to where Gavin was. 

"You goof, I said to text me." Ryan commented. "The hell are you doing?" Ryan gave a small smile. Gavin wanted to hop through the window and dance around in celebration with Ryan. 

"Ryan! I’ve never gotten away with anything before!" Gavin tried to keep his voice down. "The pressure usually gets to me and I bugger up everything, a-a-and I — !" Gavin stammered. "I can’t even explain how happy I am!"

"You’re cute." Ryan leaned his head to the side as he looked up at Gavin. 

"Thank you, Ryan." Gavin shook his head. "I don’t know how you did it…but today was amazing."

"I enjoyed it too," Ryan shrugged. "I guess…I can go now."

"Yeah…" Gavin didn’t want him to go, but he knew he had to. "I guess so, too."

"Do you want another cookie?" Ryan motioned to the box under his arm.

"Yes, please."

"Here." Ryan got on his toes and extended another cookie from the box up to Gavin. 

"Thanks." Gavin smiled down at him. 

"Yeah." Ryan felt something inside him that was warmer as he looked up at Gavin. 

"Yeah," Gavin nodded, he felt it too.


	12. Be Still

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So, you’re implying that you weren’t you before?"
> 
> "You could say that."
> 
> "Who were you?"
> 
> "I don’t know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> You guys, this chapter is over 10k words, OVER TEN THOUSAND WORDS FOR ONE CHAPTER ON MY GOSH!  
> That being said, I know I probably missed a million typos so please bare with me. I'm going to edit this chapter again and hunt for typos or other mistakes, so I'm sorry if this is typo city! I'll change it but I really wanted to share this with you all before I went insane. So, please excuse any mistakes.
> 
> Also, shout out to Jelly Bean for making a guest appearance in this chapter, and again in the future chapters to come. Also shout out to Jelly Bean for selling Ryan a toilet...inside joke. Anyway, please go read while I pass out from all of this hardcore writing...blah. Sorry if this chapter is all over the place and cheesy. It's just how it is I suppose <3
> 
> More special thanks and shout outs in the bottom notes! So please read :)
> 
> Please tell me what you think of this chapter in the comments if you can, I'm really nervous about it! <3
> 
> And As Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

Mimi was having trouble sleeping as she was dreading the visit from the therapist, almost as much as Ryan was. It had been so lighthearted in the quiet farmhouse lately, and she knew that an appointment with the therapist could potentially ruin that. As she laid awake, though she couldn’t hear what was exactly being said, she could hear Ryan talking on his cellphone in the kitchen. Mimi knew if he was talking like that to anyone, it would have to be Gavin. 

Ryan had debated going over to Gavin’s house that night to visit him, and Gavin was kind of looking forward to it happening as well. But, for some reason, Ryan didn’t go and for some reason, Gavin knew he wouldn’t. Not tonight. 

Besides, they’d spent all day together sneaking into town and eating a million cookies. So, instead, the two talked on the phone like they had the other night. 

Gavin was splayed out on his bed in a position that would be uncomfortable for anyone who wasn’t Gavin. However, he found it to be very tension relieving and so there he was pretzeled and loving it. 

Ryan however, was sitting in the kitchen. Even though it was late, he didn’t feel like sitting up in his room. The space in the kitchen felt much more open and made him feel like he could breathe. Not that his bedroom felt cramped, but…the kitchen just felt better at the moment.  

"Ok, Twenty Questions." Gavin stated midway through their already half hour long phone call.

"What?" Ryan asked, half paying attention. He was staring at the box of cookies from earlier, trying to will himself from not eating the other half of the dozen that was left. One, because he wanted to enjoy some tomorrow after the appointment. Two, because eating the entire box of two dozen cookies in one day would honestly be a bit ridiculous. Maybe this was more of an addiction. Do they have cookie rehab?

"Twenty Questions is when…we ask each other twenty questions." 

"Why would we do that?" Ryan returned his full attention to Gavin, turning himself away from the cookies in his seat. 

"To get to know each other, and it’s fun!" 

"You start."

"Me ask you, or you ask me?"

"You ask me." Ryan pivoted a bit in his chair in anticipation. 

"Oh, ok!" Gavin bit his lip as he thought. "What’s the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?"

"I don’t get embarrassed. I’ve been numb for most of my life, you know…"

"There has to be something. I get embarrassed every other day."

"Well, does embarrassment sort of feel like shame?"

"Kind of, sure."

"When I was little, my father wasn’t around at all really, like I told you before,"

"Uh-huh."

"And so I never went into the men’s restroom when I was small. My mother took me into the women’s." Ryan remembered. "But one time, I had to go at the grocery store,"

"You soiled yourself I’m guessing?"

"No," Ryan chuckled. "Anyway, so she decided that I was big enough to go to the boy’s bathroom by myself." 

"Oh gosh,"

"I know," Ryan rolled his eyes. "So I go in, and I see these ‘futuristic’ looking toilets…" Ryan paused, feeling nervousness in his stomach just from remembering the scene. "I’d never in my life seen anything like it, it was hanging on the wall and all sculpture shaped. I thought ‘man this bathroom is faaaaancy’."

"Ryan, you’d never seen a urinal?" 

"You pronounce that word funny…" Ryan commented. 

"Hush, finish your story!"

"Ok, so," Ryan grinned, picturing his younger self so intrigued by the ‘toilet’. "I kind of questioned why the toilet didn’t have any doors, or why it didn’t have a proper seat or anything. However, I hopped myself up there and sat the best I could."

"Ryan, no!"

"It fucking gets worse!" Ryan and Gavin are both laughing at this point. Gavin tried to do so quietly so his father wouldn’t hear him. "Of course the janitor comes in and he does a double-take at me then yells 'God damn it, kid! What the hell are you doing!?’ and in my little kid voice I say ‘number two’ and he just curses away. But, he couldn’t do anything til I finished. So he goes off to clean the stalls, which I hadn’t even noticed were in there, by the way."

"Oh no, poor baby Ryan! I just want to cuddle him and teach him all about the awkward slash convenient world of urinals!"

"Me fucking too." Ryan said. "After I was finished though, the janitor points to the stalls and then to the urinals like 50 times saying ‘POOP HERE, PEE THERE!’ and I’m just standing there crying…"

"Oh my god, you pathetic adorable idiot Ryan."

"My mom felt so bad that she brought me into the women’s bathroom all the time after that, until I was literally too old to do it. But, by then, she’d started getting…lost." Ryan’s voice trailed off a bit and Gavin could feel him getting distant. 

"We don’t have to talk about that, Ry. Ask me a question."

"Ok," Ryan shook the thoughts of his mother and tried to think of something to ask Gavin. "If I had come over tonight, what would we be doing?"

"Easy," Gavin responded. "Playing XBox, or laying in my bed."

"Those both sound nice. I like laying with you, it’s really comfortable." 

"Ugh, Ryan." Gavin shook his head. "For someone who doesn’t know what flirting is, you’re a damn pro at it."

"Huh?" Ryan asked. "You think I’m flirting with you?"

"No, I know you’re not trying to." Gavin laughed. "It’s why it’s frustrating that you are."

"What does flirting even mean, though?"

"When you make comments or gestures towards someone because you’re interested in them."

"You sounded like a dictionary right then."

"Eh, I am from Oxford. Bah-doom-spsh!" 

"Boo," Ryan rejected Gavin’s pun, but then returned to the topic. "But, I am interested in you."

"There you go again." Gavin sighed. 

"What am I doing now?"

"You giant flirty twat."

"What??"

"You said you were interested in me, but you meant it in the most innocent of ways on the planet."

"I am interested though, if I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be taking time to get to know you now would I?"

"Just stop, Ry." Gavin couldn’t this take for much longer.

"Ok, so it sounds like we have two different ideas of what ‘interested’ means."

"Clearly."

"How do you mean it?" Ryan propped his head up on his hand. Gavin was blushing hard enough before Ryan even asked that question. Now that he had, Gavin feared his face would burst into flames from the heat. 

"Um, like…" Gavin bit his lip. "Interested in like…being my boyfriend." 

Ryan got quiet. _Being Gavin’s boyfriend?_ He thought. _What does that mean? What would that mean?_ Ryan’s thoughts raced rapidly. _What would that change? Kissing him didn’t change anything, so would this? Do I even want things to change?_

"I’m just joking, uh, Ry." Gavin lied, pulling Ryan from his thoughts. Ryan debated asking Gavin all of those questions that he had just asked himself. But, he didn’t. "I’ll ask you something else now."

"Um, ok." Ryan tried to shake the thoughts from his head. But he tried to picture other couples he’d seen before, and put Gavin and himself in their places. He was surprised by how well he could imagine it. They already held hands, went on some form of ‘dates’, spent all of their time together. But, isn’t that what friends do? If Gavin was interested in Ryan that way, things would be different, right? And nothing was different. They were just the same as they always were.

"Hello?" Gavin repeated for the third time, but Ryan hadn’t noticed the previous two times. 

"Oh, s-sorry." 

"You alright?"

"Yeah." 

"Ok, well, here’s my question again." Gavin cleared his throat. "If you could do anything at all in the world, and get away with it for a year with no negative side effects, would you do it?"

"Duh." Ryan answered quickly. "Why the hell wouldn’t I?"

"What about for only a day can you do whatever you wanted, but after the 24 hours, you got a million dollars."

"Who would pay me to be reckless?"

"Dunno, but would you rather do it for 24 hours and get the money, or have it for a year, and get no money?"

"Well, if I could do whatever I wanted, I’m sure I could get money somehow. So, I’d do it for a year." Ryan shrugged. "But money doesn’t matter to me, I don’t need anymore than I’ve got…which isn’t much anyway. It would be nice to not have to worry about rather or not the farm is doing well enough to afford Mimi’s medicine though."

"You’re such a kind and modest person."

"What would you need money for?" 

"I don’t want to say, I’ll seem like a selfish prick." 

"Tell me." Ryan was extremely curious.

"Games, so many games. All of the newest systems. Oh my gosh, a super awesome gaming computer!" Gavin teetered just imagining it. "Of course, I’d give some to my siblings, but other than that…games!"

"Wow," Ryan arched an amused brow. "What’s so great about games?"

"Ryan, that’s it." Gavin shook his head. "Please sneak into my house sometime this week so I can introduce you."

"To what?"

"To life, Ryan."

_____________________________

Gavin fell asleep on Ryan, somewhere around question twelve. The game proved to be time consuming, and their phone conversation was two hours long by the time that Gavin dozed off. Ryan was glad that he met Gavin during the time of unlimited minutes, otherwise he would be paying a bunch extra for the little Brit. 

But, Ryan was happy. He hadn’t been this happy in a long time, or maybe ever. Yeah, he hadn’t been this happy ever. When he was little, happiness didn’t exist. Rather, he had lived in a blissful state of ignorance to everything around him. 

But now, verging on adulthood, Ryan was no longer ignorant. He knew of the ugliness in the world, and the pain of reality. However, thanks to Gavin he knew how to see the beauty in the world and…he finally felt happy. 

Thank you, Gavin.

Even though Gavin was asleep, Ryan kept the phone call going. Listening to Gavin’s steady breathing was calming and it made Gavin not feel so far away, even though he was only a few streets away. Ryan couldn’t imagine how someone separated by their important someone by miles and miles or across oceans felt. 

Ryan was still sitting at the kitchen table, with his phone on speaker. Gavin’s soft snores echoed off the quiet room as if the house itself were breathing. As Ryan listened to the gentle sound, he prepared himself the snack he’d been craving. 

He had given in and pulled another cookie from the box. Ryan also grabbed himself a glass of milk and put the cookie in the microwave for a few seconds, just to add a melty shine to the chocolate and warm the center of it. This was an especially amazing treat. Ryan did feel a bit guilty as he took his first bite, thinking of all the calories and sugar. But, after that he didn’t care anymore. Who could care with a warm cookie their mouth? Seriously, who?

After the cookie was finished, Ryan downed the milk and went to bed. 

_____________________________

The sun showed it’s face at about 6am or so. Gavin wouldn’t know it because he had dark shades on his windows. He was the kind of person that was awaken easily by the sunlight against his eyelids, and he hated to be woken by the sun. It wasn’t that he didn’t find it beautiful or a calming sight. He did, really. But he didn’t have to be awake for another hour after sunrise, so it was rather inconvenient to be woken before the proper time. 

While Ryan let himself sleep in before the therapist meeting, Gavin was awake at his usual time. He had to be up to get his younger siblings ready for school. The bus came to pick them up in the morning, so they had to be on time or walk. Though it’s rare, if they do miss the bus, sometimes Mr. Free drives them.

Gavin woke and took a short shower. He would’ve done it yesterday, but he had a long list of chores to do as punishment for ‘abandoning his family’ and ‘kissing the farm boy’ in public. Gavin scoffed at the word ‘public’. He was sure that no one else had seen, and even if so, he couldn’t imagine what damage it could’ve done to anyone. 

He left his room and padded down the hall to the twins’ room. Gavin wasn’t an only child, but sometimes he felt like he was. His twenty year old brother Sam was away at University, working to become a doctor. His younger twin eight year old siblings, Lilly and Avery were usually in their own little world together, leaving Gavin on his own.  

His father worked during the day, and had a hired baby sitter to care for the twins from the time they got home from school, until about 9pm. Gavin insisted that the sitter was hired because his father was unfit to keep them sometimes, and Gavin couldn’t guarantee that he’d be available every night. He felt horrible saying it, but he told his father that he honestly couldn’t take care of them everyday after school. It would drive him insane. He wanted to have a social life and get his homework done. 

As Gavin entered the twin’s bedroom, he saw Avery sharing Lilly’s bed. Gavin frowned, he knew they only shared a bed when they were frightened or sad. They were probably both, after having heard their father yell drunkenly the previous two nights. Gavin almost felt bad waking them. As long as they were asleep, there was peace and quiet and nothing to be afraid of. But, they had to get to school, so he shook them both gently. 

"Get up guys," Gavin yawned himself. 

"No." They chorused. 

"If you get up, I’ll let you eat the oatmeal with the dinosaurs eggs." Gavin offered. They both sat up sleepily. "Good morning." Gavin smiled, hugging the children tightly. 

"Where were you yesterday?" Avery asked. 

"Daddy said you couldn’t leave, but you weren’t here." Lilly added. "We didn’t tell though."

"You guys noticed that I wasn’t here?"

"Yeah, we came into your room to ask if you wanted to play with us, but you were gone."

"Thanks for not saying anything to Dad, that’s super awesome of you two."

"So, where were you?" Avery asked again.

"I was with my friend." Gavin confirmed. 

"The one Daddy saw you kissing?" Lilly giggled.

"Is he your boyfriend?" Avery’s eyes went huge. 

"No, no, no. I already told you guys he wasn’t." Gavin shook his head, laughing. "Get ready for school then come get breakfast, yeah? So you’ll be on time for the bus."

_____________________________

There were other students amongst the sidewalks walking to school as well as Gavin. Some of them waved at him, he waved back then quickly turned away from them, not wanting to pick his head up again for fear that they might want to talk or something. Gavin sighed. 

He knew that Ryan wouldn’t be there to join him on his walk today, or suddenly appear with his car to pick him up. The walk to school was extremely less magical and he knew the rest of the day would be similarly if he didn’t get to see Ryan.

Even the idea of going to school without Ryan felt wrong. It felt like he was lying or cheating, doing something that he shouldn’t. Gavin couldn’t wait to tell Ryan about his day when he inevitably would show up at the farm house after school. Gavin also had to remind himself that he promised Ryan he wouldn’t skip school to run and see him after the appointment was over. 

This is going to be a long day. 

 

As he entered the building, he saw flyers posted on every wall space that wasn’t a locker. Gavin read it then smiled slightly because it reminded him of Ryan and their plans. The flyer detailed the Halloween dance that was taking place over the weekend. Gavin had never enjoyed a school dance, but he was excited to crash this one. 

High school dances are usually laughable. And, usually the Halloween themed ones in movies, seemed to go especially poorly. But, with Ryan, it should be fun. Besides, causing trouble sounded more entertaining than awkwardly watching students dance to lame music. Gavin pulled out his phone and took a picture of the flyer, then sent it to Ryan.

> **Gavin** : Lame right?
> 
> **Ryan** : Not for us :)
> 
> **Gavin** : I miss you :/
> 
> **Ryan** : I miss you too, I can’t really talk right now though :P
> 
> **Gavin** : Try to go into the appointment positively
> 
> **Ryan** : Easier said than done -_-“

 

When Gavin trekked to his locker, he was surprised to see Michael standing there. Gavin wanted to smile, just seeing Michael made him happy. There was something about how adorable and soft his face was, and the way his curls just sort of did their own unruly thing. Before Ryan, Michael was Gavin’s best friend. They both missed spending time together. 

But, Gavin had lost so much respect for him when he began speaking and treating Ryan poorly.  

Still, even though he was happy to see Michael, Gavin was nervous too. He didn’t know if Michael was there as friend or foe. So, he kept a stone face. Michael saw the cautious look and rolled his eyes.

"I’m not here to argue, lighten up." Michael stated. Gavin was relieved and could no longer hold his excitement in. He was bad at holding grudges, but he still wasn’t pleased with Michael and the other’s behavior.

"Michael!" Gavin said happily, thrusting his arms around the older student. Michael hugged back. 

"Yeah, yeah. Missed you too." Michael could feel himself blushing. He wasn’t one to be all mushy. "I really did miss you."

"I missed you too," Gavin pulled back and gave the redhead a questioning look. "What’s the occasion? Why are you here?"

"Like I said, I missed you." Michael shrugged. "It’s been shitty without you."

"Aw, well. Good, I’m glad you realized that." Gavin teased. 

"Shut the hell up." Michael laughed. "So, if you and James er, — uh, Ryan…would like to join us at lunch that’d be cool. We’ve taken to sitting at his table anyway."

"That’d be great, but he’s not here." Gavin sighed. "I’d be happy to join in with the old gang though."

"Why’s he not here? Did he move back to Georgia or something?"

"No, he’s…" Gavin thought about how hard it was for Ryan to tell even him. So, Gavin decided not to tell Michael the details. "He has a doctor’s appointment…" It was the truth so Gavin didn’t feel as bad. Therapists are doctors and Ryan did have an appointment. Michael nodded. 

"Alright, maybe tomorrow then." Michael shrugged. 

"It means a lot that you’re being so kind."

"I felt like an asshole." Michael frowned. "Like if Ryan was a bad guy, I’m sure you wouldn’t be hanging out with em. Also, I never gave him a chance."

"Yeah, you didn’t." Gavin folded his arms a bit defensively. He couldn’t keep the frown off of his face.

"If I didn’t give every weirdo a chance, I wouldn’t know you or Ray, or Barb." Michael snickered and Gavin’s frown faltered back into a grin.

"Piss off, Michael." Gavin laughed. 

"See you at lunch?"

"Yeah."  

_____________________________

Mimi’s hair was silver like starlight and cascaded down her back in nearly bone straight strands. Ryan sat behind her, gently running the brush through the strands to smooth them out. Usually, when Ryan does this task, it’s quiet or maybe Mimi hums. But this morning, they both seemed to be on edge. Mimi didn’t hum, but she stared off into space for a while, Ryan focused on her silver hair. However, the tension in the air was relieved a small bit as Mimi began to talk. 

"I’m sorry that you have to miss school today," Mimi smiled apologetically at Ryan where there eyes met in the mirror across the old woman’s bedroom. Ryan held the eye contact for a second then looked down. "I know you’ll miss Gavin."

Ryan didn’t say anything, but Gavin swept through his mind like storm. 

"He’s good for you," Mimi smiled. "Don’t you think so?"

Ryan moved a section of her hair over her shoulder. 

"You’re happy now."

"I like Gavin," Ryan nodded. 

"As a friend?" Mimi asked before she could stop herself. Ryan tensed up a bit. 

 _How else could I like him?_ Ryan thought. _As a boyfriend? What does that mean?_ Ryan’s mind went back to when Gavin brought that up yesterday. 

"Sorry that I asked…" A tint of color brushed Mimi’s pale cheeks. 

"Why are you sorry?" Ryan asked.

"Huh?"

"He apologized too, when he brought that up."

"Brought up…?" Mimi was confused. 

"Yesterday we were talking," Ryan began. "He said that we have two different ideas of what being ‘interested’ in someone was."

"Alright,"

"I’m just really confused, I still don’t know what it means." Ryan sighed, setting down the brush next to him. "What would it mean to be Gavin’s boyfriend, Mimi?"

"Oh," Mimi was stunned a bit by the question, but moved on as best as she could. "It means that you would be with him, and that you would love him like you’ve never loved anyone."

"Love him like I never loved anyone?" Ryan repeated. 

"The way I loved Papa, or the way your mother loved your father."

"My father was terrible."

"But, before all of that. They loved each other." Mimi sighed. "Sometimes people change."

"But, why?"

"That’s complicated."

"Will Gavin change?"

"Everyone will, even you will."

"I don’t want him to change." Ryan frowned. 

"If you love him now, if the love is real, you will learn to love him as he changes and grows through the years."

"But-"

"Do you love him?" Mimi looked up into the mirror, Ryan wasn’t looking at her. Rather into his lap as he thought. Mimi could see the gears moving in his head. 

"What does that mean?" Ryan said almost silently. 

"Do you think of him a lot?"

Ryan nodded. 

"Do you care about him?"

Again, the boy nodded. 

"Do you like being close to him?"

"Mimi…" Now Ryan blushed. 

"Do you?" She asked again and Ryan nodded. "Well, I’m old but it sounds like love to me, in the purest of terms."

"But is it like the movies?" Ryan wondered aloud. "Am I hopelessly in love to the point of idiocy? Would I do stupid things for seemingly no reason other than I possibly love him?"

"You snuck out of the house at night and went running to him in the streets." Mimi shrugged. "But, I understand what you’re asking."

"What am I asking?"

"James, there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone."

"How can I tell which one I am?"

"You will soon." Mimi shrugged. "Knowing that kind of thing can be instantaneous, or it could take a life time. But, when you know, you know."

Ryan looked down and tried to gather his thoughts. After taking a deep breath, he asked Mimi a final question before they both had to get up to get ready to greet the therapist. 

"Is this ok?" Ryan looked up at Mimi in the mirror 

"Is what ok?" Mimi gave Ryan a small smile. 

"Loving Gavin…"

"James," Mimi’s smile grew. "Loving anyone is perfectly fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, absolutely. Don’t let anyone tell you differently."

"Hey, Mimi?" The corners of Ryan’s mouth twitched. 

"Hm?"

"Can you call me Ryan?" 

"Oh, like how Gavin does?"

"Yeah…" He nodded. "I like that better."

"Ok," 

"Thank you."

"You’re welcome, Ryan."

And at that, Ryan smiled at Mimi for the first time since he was little. 

_____________________________

"Ray," Michael looked up from his iPod as he turned down the volume of his music. "Dude…"

Ray wasn’t at all paying attention. Instead he was looking across the room…again. Michael has noticed Ray’s gaze traveling over in that direction the entire class period. It was science class and the teacher had to leave for a personal reason. Everyone was given permission to work quietly in the classroom or go to the library until the class time was over. 

Of course, most of the students left to go goof off or do who knows what. But Ray and Michael stayed, along with some a handful of others. Michael gave Ray a hard nudge on his shoulder to get his attention. 

"Ow, hey!" Ray frowned. 

"Did you hear what I said?"

"No…" Ray shook his head, finally taking his eyes from his fixation across the room. 

"The hell are you looking at?"

"N-no one, I mean nothing." 

"You ok?" Michael rose a brow.

"I’m fine, what’s up?" 

"Ok," Michael took out his earbuds. "I’m asking Barb out to the Halloween dance."

"You’re taking Barb to the dance?" Ray’s eyes go wide. Michael shrugs. 

"I mean, I kinda don’t wanna go alone. It’s not like a date or anything." Michael clarified. "Like maybe we’ll just sit around making fun of everyone else."

"Why don’t you ask Gavin?" Ray teased. "Or is he going with Ryan?"

"Neither of them are going." Michael explained. "Gav’s grounded, and Ryan doesn’t go where Gav doesn’t. Either that or he’s not into socializing anyway so he probably won’t show."

"Well, why can’t we just go as a group? Why ask her out?" Ray fidgeting nervously on the plastic chair.

"You’re acting weird." Michael notices. "Are you feeling nervous because you don’t have anyone to ask?"

Ray didn’t say anything, but he blushed furiously.

"Why not ask that girl…uh, what’s her name?" Michael racked his brain, pulling up a face but no names. "That girl with the cool hair cut, pretty eyes."

"You’re talking about Jessie?" Ray nodded his head to other side of the room.

"Yeah, ask her." Michael shrugged. "You like her don’t you?"

"I-I…uh, Michael.." Ray tried not to sputter but he was endlessly blushing it seemed. Jessie was the girl he got paired up with for the semester. Every semester, the science class students rotate and get paired together. This time, Ray got lucky and was partnered with the prettiest girl in the entire school, in his eyes anyway. It was obvious that Jessie had a great personality, but sometimes her shyness overpowered and it was like people didn’t notice her if she didn’t say anything. Nobody but Ray. 

Would she even be interested in going to the dance? How would he ask her?

"Hello?" Michael waved his hand in front of Ray’s face. 

"Sorry,"

"I thought that girl was in our class." Michael poked Ray’s ribs and pointed to where she sat. "Is she what you’ve been looking at this whole time?"

"Fuck off…"

"Ask her out," Michael encouraged. 

"I can’t!"

"Then go to the dance with us," Michael said. "With me and Barb."

"I don’t want to be a third wheel…"

"Well, figure that shit out with Jessie, or I’ll find someone for you." Michael picked up his backpack. "I’m going to the bathroom, I’ll see you at lunch."

"Ok," Ray nodded. "Are you still coming to game at my place after school?"

"Nah," Michael shook his head. "I gotta work on how I’ll ask Barbara to the dance." 

"I thought it wasn’t a big deal?"

"Fuck off," Michael stuck out his tongue. "Barb’s a classy lady, I have to be professional about this."

"We’re talking about Baby Barbie, the one we went to fucking elementary school with." Ray shook his head. "We’ve known her since she used to wear pigtails everyday and have the habit of writing every capital B backwards like a dummy. You don’t have to fancy her up."

"I’ll do this my way, alright?" Michael got up from the table. "See you," He disappeared out of the classroom and left Ray to think. How would he ask Jessie to the dance? It wasn’t even a formal dance. Would she expect something fancy like Barb?

Ray looked up and over to where Jessie was. While everyone else socialized or slept, Jessie was reading over her textbook. Ray sighed a smitten breath, Jessie was perfect. However he decided to ask her to the dance, it had to be amazing. He wouldn’t be able to stand it if she’d told him no. 

_____________________________

Meanwhile at the farm house, the therapist, Monica Reese, had finally showed up. It’d been a while since had seen her. Other therapist had been out all of the other months. But, this time, it was her turn. It was because the meeting wasn’t just about him, it was about his mother as well. Apparently something had happened with her, that was serious enough that Ms. Reese had to come out.

Ryan could barely sit down in his seat across from her. He kept finding excuses to get up. He offered to serve the tea while Mimi small talked with the therapist. 

However, Mimi knew that Ryan was just trying to postpone the inevitable chat with the woman and refused Ryan’s offer to serve the tea. Instead, Mimi sat Ryan back down opposite of the Ms. Reese while she scurried as quickly as she could to set out the tea and snacks. 

"You really don’t have to do this." The therapist blushed as Mimi set things out. 

"Nonsense, James — oops," Mimi chuckled. "Sorry, Ryan, hasn’t had breakfast yet this morning so it’s just as well. Help yourself." Mimi motioned to the refreshments. The therapist’s eyes rose to Ryan with an inquisitive look. 

"Ryan?" The woman questioned his choice to called by his middle name. 

He didn’t even look at her, instead, kept his arms folded and his posture slanted into his seat. 

"Giving yourself a new identity to cope with the life changes?" She inquired. 

Ryan again, did and said nothing. Mimi looked between the two of them as she sat down next to her grandson. 

"H-his new friend calls him that." Mimi tried to change the subject. 

"You have a friend?" Ms. Reese asked. Ryan was a bit offended by the fact that she sounded so surprised, yet he didn’t blame her. He’d never really made friends. He had spoken of people that he’d associated with, but he’s never called them his friends. Nor did they last long before they began calling him a freak or an asshole. 

 _Damn it, Mimi._ Ryan cursed internally, he hadn’t really wanted the therapist to know about Gavin. He didn’t want her asking about him, or checking up on how they were doing next time she visited. 

"Tell me about your friend." The therapist spooned sugar into her tea. Ryan was irked by the clink! of the spoon hitting the porcelain. 

"He’s a lovely boy, he’s from the UK. He has a delightful accent! He sounds like-" Mimi began but was cut off by the therapist. 

"I was speaking to James." The woman said in a firm tone. Ryan finally rose his eyes to the woman. 

"Don’t talk to her like that." Ryan hissed. The tone she took towards Mimi made Ryan furious. That, and that she called him James even though it was already said that he didn’t like it. 

"My apologies," The woman brought the teacup to her lips. "Will you tell me about your friend?"

"I don’t want to, it’s none of your business."

"You’ve gotten a lot better at talking since I’ve seen you last.." 

"Which is saying something, because I really don’t want to talk to you in general." Ryan uncrossed his arms then crossed them again over his chest. 

"Why is that?"

"I don’t need to," Ryan shrugged. "You were reassigned to me to help me cope with my mother. I don’t care how she’s doing. I’ve fucking moved on and-"

"James, watch your mouth!" Mimi gasped. "I mean Ryan…"

"No, no." The therapist shook her head. "He’s allowed to express himself. Continue, Ryan."

"I moved on, I’m enjoying how I am now, I’m enjoying _who_ I am now."

"Who are you?"

"Me."

"So, you’re implying that you weren’t you before?"

"You could say that."

"Who were you?"

"I don’t know."

"What changed?" She asked. When Ryan doesn’t respond, the therapist guesses right away. "Was it Gavin?"

_____________________________

Gavin was sitting in a class that instead of having a lesson, they were watching a movie. Today seemed to be a really chill Monday for what it was worth. Teacher’s were stepping out for personal affairs, showing movies, or offering free time. 

Of course on this holy grail of a school day, Ryan had to be gone. Gavin sighed deeply, slumping down over his desk. 

He pulled out his phone to see if Ryan had contacted him. He wondered if Ryan was still meeting with his therapist, and how it was going if he was. 

It was nearly lunch time now, maybe he was out of his meeting?

 

> **Gavin** : Hey Ry, did you eat all of your cookies? I remember you saying you wanted to binge eat them lol
> 
> **Gavin** : Could you call me after your meeting?
> 
> **Gavin** : Or could I call you?
> 
> **Gavin** : Sorry for texting so much, I’m kind of worried
> 
> **Gavin** : Should I be worried?
> 
> **Gavin** : I shouldn’t right?
> 
> **Gavin** : Ok, I know I’m probably annoying you now…
> 
> **Gavin** : Just, tell me if you’re alright and if it’s okay to call you
> 
> **Gavin** : Either way, I’m calling you after lunch so deal with it
> 
> **Gavin** : ok, bye 

 

Gavin looked at his phone in horror. He’d just sent over half a dozen texts to Ryan in a row. He couldn’t even stop himself from doing it. What the hell did he just do?

As he shoved his phone deep into his pocket to keep himself from sending more, he really began to worry. 

Ryan was a simple being with a fragile mental and emotional balance. Gavin had seen Ryan unbalanced, but never completed toppled over off the thin axis. He didn’t want to see it either. 

_____________________________

Ryan was in hell, his body was trembling as he sat at the table across from his therapist. He couldn’t understand how someone who was meant to help him could visibly watch him crumble in front of her and continue to keep pushing, and pushing and f _ucking pushing_. 

"I’m not trying to upset you."

_Then don’t._

"But I want you to realize before you hurt him or yourself, that this probably isn’t the healthiest choice to make. You’re using him as a rock, as an anchor. You’re depending too much on him."

_I’m not, you don’t fucking know anything._

"When he leaves, where will you end up? What will you become?"

_He’d never fucking leave me._

"What do you think will happen when he realizes that he doesn’t need you the way you need him? When he realizes that you are a weight for him to carry and not just someone to spend his time with?"

_Stop._

"What if-"

"Gavin does need me, and you’re fucking wrong." Ryan cut her off. "We take care of each other, and he’s different. He’s so different and you don’t even know it."

"Ryan-"

"How could you say all of those things without even knowing him? Or knowing me." Ryan shakes his head. "I’ve known Gavin for almost a couple of months, but I’ve know you for years and you still don’t know me half as well as he does." Ryan glares at her. "You know my hardships, you know the events in my life that took my words away. But you have no damn idea about the events that gave me my words back. It was one fucking person." Ryan hissed. "One person. And it’s not like I haven’t helped him in return! His father is borderline abusive and has basically no respect for Gavin."

"Does he deserve respect?"

"What the hell is wrong with you??" Ryan threw his hands up in disbelief. "Everyone does! Especially Gavin. He never judged me, and he’s so patient and kind! He does’t even try to be, he just is!"

"Ryan-"

"No, fuck you! You basically came into this house and did nothing but insult me and my choices! If you can’t realize that Gavin and I are more than some bullshit about using each other, then what the hell are you doing here?"

"Ryan, would you just listen to me for a second?"

Ryan folded his arms across his chest again as he slumped back into his seat. He shrugged and she began talking. 

"I’m glad that you’re feeling better with your new friend, and I know it sounds like I’m being rude and uncaring. But, sometimes things aren’t what they seem." She spoke more gently than she had been previously. "I’m just afraid that you’ll become far too dependent on him, and when he’s gone, or when things change between you two, that you’ll be worst off than you were before."

Ryan doesn’t make eye contact with her, but she continues. 

"I want you to learn your own sense of independence and freedom apart from him. Something that will help you to speak, to laugh, to be who you say you enjoy being so much." She smiled. "That’s’ the most important thing. Because no one should make you who you are, you should be this amazing person even without someone’s help."

Ryan’s mind was spinning and he felt like he might throw up. It wasn’t until now that he became worried. After actually listening to her without interrupting or totally rejecting her words, Ryan began to think too much. He thought about if Gavin was actually good for him or not. He wondered if he was actually using Gavin without realizing it. Was Gavin using him? 

"I’m going to tell you a few things about your mother and then I’ll leave, alright?" The therapist reached across the table to Ryan. "You can tell Mimi to come back in now," She touched his arm, her touch literally felt like fire. He sprung back from her, from the table, and his chair clattered to the floor loudly. His breathing went coarse and he felt tears sting his eyes. He felt vulnerable and scared. "I’m sorry." The therapist got up  from the table, holding her hands up in front of her. "I’m sorry."

"D-don’t fucking touch me." Ryan stammered. 

"I’m sorry, I’m so sorry." She shook her head. "I forgot you don’t like to be touched."

Ryan continued to back away from the woman, bumping into something just behind him. He glanced over his shoulder and saw Mimi standing there. 

"I heard the noise." Mimi announced, glaring at Ms. Reese with dagger ridden eyes. 

"I’m so sorry, I…" The therapist looked from Mimi back to Ryan. His shoulder rose and fell sharply as his breathing continued to come and go unevenly. 

"Ryan?" Mimi turned him so he faced her. She saw the tears in his eyes and the distant look on his face. Mimi again glared at Monica. "What the hell did you do to my grandson?"

"I accidentally touched him, I was trying to be comforting and-"

"Absolutely nothing that you have done here has been comforting, isn’t that your job?" Mimi growled. 

"My job is to offer support to someone who is going through a difficult time." The therapist says as she gathers her belongings. "I was simply being honest with Ryan,"

"You should leave now, and let me handle him." Mimi continued to glare at the woman. 

"I will, but not without telling Ryan about his mother first." With a sigh, Monica begins speaking. "She’s been talking recently as well. Not much, but she asked about you."

Ryan listens, but doesn’t look at the woman. 

"She wants to see you sometime." The therapist walks passed Mimi and Ryan. "Goodbye." 

Mimi waited until she heard the front door close before she asked Ryan if he was alright. He shook his head and began walking towards the backdoor. 

"Where are you going?" Mimi watched as Ryan picked up the box of cookies from the table.

"To the pond at the end of the property." 

_____________________________

Lunch time was different today, and Gavin tried his hardest to enjoy it. 

Geoff was laughing loudly as Michael told some ridiculous story. Ray was playing his DS, Barbara was watching. Jack was allowing Griffon to ink designs onto his skin with a purple pen and Gavin sat in the middle of it all. Looking between his friends he felt that he was surrounded by light hearted fun. He felt like he young. If that makes any sense. 

Sometimes when he was with Ryan, he felt older. Like he felt that things were real and that reality was a thing. But here with his friends, he felt that outside didn’t exist, and the only thing that existed was ‘right now’ and that was good. 

But, Gavin couldn’t enjoy it. In the back of his head, he couldn’t help but feel that something wasn’t right. He looked at his phone for the twentieth time since he’d been sitting there and he sighed deeply. Griffon looks up from Jack’s arm where she’d skillfully drawn in a wonderful design. 

"Are you alright, Gav?" Griffon wore a concerned expression. The others all stopped what they were doing to look at him. He blushed because of all of the eyes suddenly on him. 

"Um, I —"

"Is it Ryan?" Michael asked. 

"Yeah…" Gavin was honest and he looked down. 

"Is he ok?" Barbara asked. 

"I…," Gavin shrugged. "I don’t know. He isn’t responding to me, and I really feel like something is wrong."

"Like what?" Michael rose an eyebrow. 

"I’m not sure." Gavin looked up. "He was really nervous about his appointment today and…I don’t know. I’m scared."

"Well, what do you want to do?" Geoff asked. 

"What do you mean?" Gavin leaned his head to the side. 

"Wanna get outta here and go see him? I can help." Geoff shrugged. "I skip all the time."

"I couldn’t do that…" Gavin’s heart raced at the thought that he could get in big trouble for something like this. 

"What’s more important?" Jack posed the question. "Tell the office you’ve got an emergency, they’ll let you go without question."

"Yeah, they won’t call home or anything." Barbara nodded. 

"Really?" Gavin’s jaw hung open. 

"Don’t make a habit out of it though, they’ll figure out you’re bullshitting right away." Michael laughed. 

"That’s very true." Geoff agreed. 

"I…I’ll call him first. If he doesn’t answer, or if he doesn’t sound ok, I’ll go." Gavin stood up from the table. Geoff pat the younger student on the back. 

"Good luck, kid." Geoff smiled at him.

"Yeah, I hope everything is alright." Barbara waved.

"Thanks guys," Gavin picked up his tray. "You all are the best."

Gavin began walking to the tray receptacle, where all of the trays go when the students are done eating. As he set his down, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped a bit from surprise, but turned and smiled at Michael.

"Oh, hello." The Brit greeted him. "What’s up?"

"Look, I just…wanted to say something away from the others." Michael sighed. "I really admire you, for how you care for others and stuff."

"Michael-"

"But don’t forget that you have lots of people who care about you too, alright?" Michael asked. Gavin couldn’t help but grin widely at his friend. 

"Thank you, boi." Gavin rose his fist, Michael glanced at it before raising his own. They bumped fists and made explosion sounds with their mouths. "We’ve got nice dynamite sound effects."

"They’re pretty ‘top’." Michael chuckled. 

"Well, I’m going to go call Ryan now." Gavin shrugged.

"Tell him we say hi." Michael waved and turned to walk away. 

"I will."

_____________________________

Gavin was buzzing with nervousness as he sat under the bleachers in the gym, where he and Ryan usually ate lunch. As he hit the ‘call’ button, he chewed his bottom lip. 

"Gavin," Ryan answered the phone, his voice sounding distant.

"Hey, Ry." Gavin nearly bubbled over with relief from hearing the older male’s voice. "How are you doing?"

"I’m sorry for using you." 

"Huh?" Gavin listened to Ryan taking uneven breaths. "Are you ok?"

"I didn’t know."

"Know what?"

"It’s unhealthy."

"Ryan-"

"Why did I do that to you? I don’t understand." Ryan’s breath came out as sharp crinkles as it brushed the mic in small puffs.

"Ryan, I’m on my way ok?"

"You said…that you wouldn’t skip-"

"I don’t care what I said…you’re more important." Gavin stood up, banging his head on the bleachers. "Ouch."

"Are you ok?"

"I’m fine, hit my head." Gavin chuckled. "Are you ok?"

"I don’t know."

"Did you eat all of your cookies?"

"I have two left."

"Save me one."

"I can’t." Ryan looked down at the box.

"You better, or you’ll be in trouble." Gavin teased.

"Gavin, I’m scared." 

"Of what?"

"I…don’t know. My therapist said — I can’t breathe."

"Take deep breaths, ok?" Gavin’s blood became spiked with worry. "I’m about to sign out of school, I’ll be there soon. I’ll run."

"Please don’t skip."

"I need to be there."

"I need you." Ryan sank onto the grass and pressed his forehead to his knees. "But you don’t need me, and all I do is dump my problems on you…and-"

"That’s not true." Gavin shook his head. "Don’t ever think that. What the bloody hell did that stupid therapist of yours say to you?"

"She touched me." 

"Touched you?"

"It made me feel like…" Ryan paused, taking a deep breath to keep his voice from shaking, but it didn’t work. 

"You mean inappropriately or…?"

"No, m-my arm. I…didn’t want her to touch me. I felt so…it hurt."

"I’m so sorry." Gavin spoke in a soothing voice, though inside he felt angry that the woman had touched Ryan and had the strong urge to protect him. But, if he wanted to do that, he had to hurry up and sign out of school and run to Ryan’s house. So, Gavin began jogging down the hall to save some time. "I’m sure she didn’t mean to hurt you by it."

"I know." Ryan responded. Then, he heard the sound of a door opening and closing on the other end of the line. Next, Ryan heard Gavin speaking to someone, phones ringing in the background. He could tell Gavin was in the office. That meant Gavin would be there soon and even thought he didn’t want it to, Ryan found that idea very calming. Ryan closed his eyes and continued taking deep breaths. 

_____________________________

Ryan stood at the pond, staring at it. He was waiting for it to look like it did the last time he was out here. When he and Gavin burned the letters at night. Ryan was waiting for the pond to fill with stars and moons, but it didn’t. Instead it glowed with sunlight. He could see his own reflection in the water. Suddenly, there was a reflection next to him. Gavin stood beside him, still trying to catch his breath a bit. 

"I went inside, asked Mimi where you were." Gavin spoke.

"Uh-huh," Ryan responded. 

"She said that you were out here, but I didn’t believe her. I don’t know why, but I didn’t. So, I went up to your room anyway."

"How was my room?"

"Smells like you."

"Bad?"

"Good." Gavin is hesitant, but he reaches up a hand, holding it out to Ryan. "Where did she touch you? Show me."

"Here," Ryan extends his right arm and rotates it so his palm is facing upwards. "It’s stupid, but I can still feel it burning."

"It’s not stupid." Gavin takes Ryan’s wrist in his hand. "What does it feel like when I touch you?"

"Numb," Ryan says. "In a good way."

"What if I told you I could help make the burn go away?"

"How?"

"Watch," Gavin leans forward and presses a kiss to Ryan’s skin. Ryan does watch, his blue eyes wary. After Gavin kisses the spot, he rubs the kiss into Ryan’s skin like a topical medicine. Ryan feels silly for feeling this way, but he feels better immediately. "Did it help?"

Ryan doesn’t answer but brings Gavin into his arms. For a while after the therapist left, he hadn’t felt like Ryan anymore. But since she left, and Gavin came to him, he’s felt complete again. However, there is still so much built up pressure in his chest. The pressure begins to spill from his eyes as he starts to cry. Gavin doesn’t interrupt him, but slowly rubs circles into Ryan’s back, letting him cry. 

Ryan can’t remember crying like this since he was younger. When his mother suddenly stopped talking one day. It was the first time he’d ever been through his mother’s silence. He yelled and yelled, shook her to ‘bring her back’, but she kept looking passed him like he wasn’t even there. 

He didn’t feel like he was there either. He felt like he was the one who was gone, not her. He felt like his place in the world had turned to dust and that he was free falling. 

Since it was just he and his mother who lived there, Ryan had no one to ask for help when his mother became silent. He burned his arm while trying to cook the two of them dinner, he was only five. 

The entire effort proved pointless because he couldn’t get her to open her mouth to eat. At the end of that day, Ryan curled up at her feet as she sat at the table, staring off into space, and he cried for a long time until he fell asleep. 

That’s how Ryan felt now. He felt helpless without anyone to turn to. He felt like the only person that he wanted to turn to was unreachable. Ryan wanted to turn to Gavin for help, but his therapist had strictly spoken against that, and Ryan didn’t know what to do anymore. 

When the tears stop flowing, Ryan still doesn’t move from Gavin. 

"She said I was using you, and that what we have isn’t real. That I’m being a parasite because I’m not well enough on my own. That without you as a crutch, I’ll fall apart again." Ryan sniffled. "I’m scared because I think she’s right. I think that without you I’d be a mess and I’d…I don’t know. But maybe we shouldn’t be friends anymore. I don’t want to bring you down with me."

"That woman is dumb, I don’t think you’re using me. And if you are, use me. Bloody just use me all up. I like it, I love it." Gavin pulls back to look Ryan in the eyes. "I need you just as much as you need me. There’s nothing wrong with needing people. It’s what makes us human."

"But how will I get to the place where I’ll be fine on my own? What if I never get there?"

"I’ll help you get there."

"What if you change?"

"Change?" Gavin repeated. 

"What if you become the kind of Gavin that doesn’t need a Ryan, or doesn’t even want a Ryan…?"

"Then move on."

"I won’t be able to," Ryan frowns. "And shouldn’t you say something more comforting like ‘oh no, that’ll never happen’ or ‘don’t worry Ryan, I’ll always be here’ or something like that?"

"I’m trying to let you know that you’re better than that, better than me." Gavin explained. "You became the Ryan who doesn’t need his father anymore. You moved on, and got better."

"But-"

"Then you became the Ryan who doesn’t need his mother anymore, because you moved on and got better." Gavin looked Ryan in the eyes. "You’re standing right in front of me without them, so don’t you even try and tell me that you can’t stand alone because if I let go of your right now, you wouldn’t fall to your knees would you?"

"No…"

"And even if you did, you’d get back up. If not, I’m here to help you stand." Gavin smiled gently. "So, if I ever get damn stupid enough, to the point that I even think that I don’t need you anymore, then you move on and get better."

Everything Gavin said made sense, even if Ryan didn’t want to accept the truth for what it was. Gavin searched Ryan’s eyes to see if he understood what he was saying. Ryan looked at Gavin with eyes that tried to burn their way into the Brit’s brain to see what he was thinking. Ryan always wanted to know what Gavin was thinking. 

"You’re not alone, and neither am I. Michael reminded me of that today at school. All of the others say hi by the way, they’re worried about you."

"Me?" Ryan rose a brow. "Since when do they care about me?"

"They opened their eyes, I think. They stopped being so ignorant."

"Hm," Ryan took in the information, not really believing it, but accepting it for now. "I talked to Mimi today," Ryan spoke. "I told her to call me Ryan, she accepted the idea right away and she’s starting to call me by that name."

"That’s a huge step!" Gavin beamed. "Huge, huge, huge!"

"Yeah," Ryan gave Gavin a small smile. The younger male hadn’t known how much he needed to see Ryan’s smile until he saw it again. "We talked about other things too."

"Like what?" Gavin asked. 

"You."

"Me?"

"Yeah…" Ryan looked down. "I told her about what you said, about being interested and stuff."

"Uh," Gavin blushed hard. 

"She said there was a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone."

"Well, she’s right."

"What do you think I am?" Ryan asked, not realizing how heavy his question was. Gavin smiled sadly, knowing Ryan’s ignorance of the situation. 

"Not now," Gavin reached up to touch Ryan’s face. It was smooth today, he must’ve shaved in the morning to prepare for the appointment, or via Mimi’s request. 

"Not now?" Ryan’s brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

"We’re not ready to talk about that yet."

"When will we be?"

"Let’s go inside." Gavin removed his hands from Ryan’s jaw. "We should make Mimi lunch, since she made us breakfast the other day. Also, I didn’t really eat at school…I was too worried about you."

"Gavin," Ryan scolded. "You should’ve eaten. Even if you’re worried about me, starving to death won’t help."

"You’re sooo dramatic! I wouldn’t have starved!"

"Maybe not _starve_ to death, but you’re so skinny." Ryan poked his slender torso. Gavin giggled and held Ryan by the wrist to keep him from tickling. They met eyes for a moment in silence before Ryan spoke again. "Are you going to stay the night?"

"I might head home when it’s around time for school to end so my dad won’t suspect anything. But, you can come visit me if you want…tonight."

"I was kind of hoping that we could go into town after lunch with Mimi to look at costumes." Ryan shrugged. 

"How about we eat lunch, I go home, you come visit me tonight, then tomorrow after school we can go look at costumes and I can give my dad some BS excuse as to why I’m late?"

"Why not do the BS excuse today so we can go into town?"

"Shh," Gavin silenced Ryan as he pulled Ryan close for a hug, looking out over the pond. "You were right about this location though, it does look good at anytime of the day." Ryan rested his head on Gavin’s shoulder as they embraced. 

As far as rocks go, Gavin was the warmest and the most beautiful. With eyes a magical green and a smile that glowed sporadically like fireflies. 

_____________________________

Somewhere between watching Gavin at the stove, looking over his shoulder to smile at Mimi, and cutting up the fruit that Mimi cleaned, Ryan knew that he could spend the rest of his life like this. Standing between Mimi and Gavin in the kitchen. Everyone smiling and laughing and spending time together. 

But, he knew it wouldn’t last. Even if he wanted it to. Like the therapist said, people change and people leave. Mimi even said it this morning. That everyone will change, himself included. That made Ryan very afraid.

Though, after lunch, when they laid in Ryan’s bed and stared at the ceiling while the open windows brought in a gentle cool October breeze, they took time to just be still. Forever didn’t feel like it existed. It was easy to pretend that time itself had stopped completely. 

The only thing that was there, was the rhythm of their breathing. Gavin could hear Ryan’s heart as they laid close together, his head on the older’s chest. Ryan’s heartbeat whispered words to Gavin that he could never say himself and the Brit listened to every one.

"Ryan," Gavin murmured. Ryan was in the fog between awake and asleep that meant he would probably forget all of the things being said now. 

"Yeah?" Ryan’s voice was raspy with exhaustion. Today proved to be more emotionally tiring than he’d thought. 

"I won’t be here when you wake up." Gavin’s voice was nearly silent and Ryan opened his eyes at the sound. The shadows on the ceiling seemed to be looking back at him. 

"Wake me before you leave?" Ryan asked.

"No, you need your rest. Today was hard, I know." 

"I don’t want to wake up alone." Ryan rolled over so that he hovered slightly above Gavin. The younger male’s spheric green eyes watched Ryan’s blue ones as they stared down at him. Gavin wanted to kiss his lips then, like he always wants to. But again, he denied himself the contact, closing his eyes. 

His chest tightened when he felt Ryan’s weight shift as he lowered his face close to Gavin’s. With a single motion, Ryan brought his lips to Gavin’s cheek. Unlike last time he did this, he closed his eyes and let his lips connect to Gavin’s skin for a while. 

"Ryan," Gavin exhaled. Ryan disconnected his lips from Gavin’s cheek and brought them to his jaw. The older actually couldn’t believe what he was doing. It felt natural, and it felt right. 

"Gavin," Ryan said between the small kisses he was peppering along Gavin’s face. "Please wake me up before you leave?" 

"O-ok…" 

"Do you promise?" Ryan asked. 

"Promise." Gavin nodded, reaching a hand up to lace his fingers in Ryan’s thick hair. 

"Thank you," Ryan’s breath tickled at Gavin’s skin. "I’m going to take a nap now." 

"Ok," Was all that Gavin could manage at this point. 

"Night, night." Ryan took his place back next to Gavin, and mostly to hide his rouge face, Gavin curled back up on Ryan’s chest like a kitten.

In moments, Ryan was snoozing away. But, for right now, Gavin was wide awake. He could barely keep himself from squeaking. His mind just kept replaying the image of Ryan above him, the feeling of Ryan’s chest pressing against his own as he moved down to kiss his cheek. Gavin shivered a bit remembering Ryan’s lips at his jaw. That memory was definitely being locked in the brain vault. Even though Ryan was asleep Gavin wasn’t too tired, so he spoke a bit more. 

"Today was a good day," He began. "I got to spend time with my other friends, and I got to see you. So far, every day that I’ve ever been with you has been amazing."

Gavin trailed his finger tips along the shape of Ryan’s sleeping face. 

"I could really get used to this." The Brit smiled gently. "I’ll wake you up before I go,"

Gavin yawned before settling completely against Ryan’s chest.

"I promised." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special Thanks To:
> 
> MofetteMofo, Loleifos, Isaac_Kran, MissChevalier, Pontythings, dolthaic, mistyxknight, Cassie Pruitt, Jade, DirectLeverage, ellieneedsalife, AidenFlame, demigirl, BaconSquids, rabbit_factory, 3ffloresce, rosekorra, namiki, RageHappyAH, RainbowZedbra12 (Julz), Itzsyd123, Sammiannnz, GeoffsEightGreatestMistakes, Kurokatana, AYGB, fhin (ryyanhaywood), dangerbearr, redmoon1, lmani...
> 
> And anyone who has left a comment, kudos, read, or bookmarked/subscribed this story. Seriously without you all I wouldn't be this far along with this story, nor would it be as much fun to write! I love getting to know you all and interact with you! It's honestly my greatest joy and very rewarding! 
> 
> I love you *_* <3


	13. Visit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Would you come with me on a trip?"
> 
> "Huh?" Gavin asked. "To where…?"
> 
> "Georgia."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> Sorry for the wait. I'm going to be honest with you guys. 
> 
> 1) I finished writing this chapter like...maybe last week.  
> 2) I didn't/don't like it, so I hesitated posting it while trying to rewrite it  
> 3) Rewriting 8K words is very hard, and so I stuck with the original  
> 4) I was very busy with work/school so rewriting was also hard because of that
> 
> ANYWAY, enough excuses. Here is the chapter, I don't like it. But, I'm so excited to write the next! 
> 
> Shopping for their costumes and planning their 'heist' on the Halloween dance. 
> 
> And As Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

Michael heard the doorbell ringing multiple times from the basement where his entertainment center was set up. The redhead was way too into his game to want to pause, cursing as he weaved through hoards of enemies. He waited patiently for his parents to answer the door, but they didn’t. The insistent ringing made it hard to focus, and Michael became increasingly annoyed. After a few minutes went by, he gave in. With a huff he paused his game and marched up the stairs. 

He opened the door, and saw a very defeated Geoff standing there. 

"Are you in trouble with the cops?" Michael asked. 

"What? No." Geoff gave a confused expression. "Let me in."

"Hey, what the f-" Michael stumbled back as Geoff pushed passed him into the house. 

"Michael I’m screwed. I’m screwed so hard." Geoff ran his hands over his dark thick hair. "I’m screwed right in the butt."

"Um," Michael wasn’t sure how to respond. 

"Griffon and Jack broke up with me." The older male turned to look at Michael for comfort. 

"Broke up with you?" Michael’s eyebrows went up in surprise. "Like…were the three of you a thing?"

"Not like that, I mean for the group project." Geoff plops himself down directly on the wooden floor of the entrance to the house. 

"Geoff, get up." Michael looked down at the seated boy. "You’re sitting right in the doorway. "You’re a fire hazard." 

"No, I can’t get up. I’m weighed down by my disappointment."

"Just, come with me to my game room. We can talk about what the hell is bothering you there."

"Make me a sandwich." Geoff looked up with pleading blue eyes. 

"Fuck off,"

"Michael, I have a sadness inside of me that can only be remedied by deli meat on toasted bread."

"I have to toast the damn thing?"

"Only melted cheese can mend my broken heart right now."

"Oh my fucking…" Michael sighed deeply. "Fine."

"Thank you, Michael." Geoff smiled gratefully. "You’re a real friend."

"Yeah, yeah." Michael glanced out the window, he saw his parents’ cars were gone. He wondered where they went. It was odd for them to both be absent from the house at this hour. But hey, they were adults. Michael wasn’t supposed to keep tabs on them at all times. 

Geoff followed Michael down the hall into the kitchen. Michael went into the pantry to retrieve the bread, Geoff dug around in the fridge picking out what he wanted on his sandwich. 

"I love you, Geoff. You’re great," Michael began. "But is there a reason why in your time of heartbreak, that you came to me?"

"Michael," Geoff said from almost literally all the way inside the fridge. He was so far in that only his waist down was visible. He was reaching back to where he knew the good stuff was. "I would’ve turned to Griffon, she’s my girlfriend and all, but she’s moody after our disagreement. My next option would’ve been Jack, but he’s just as moody as Griffon at this point." Geoff explained. "Then I would’ve gone to Gavin, but I haven’t heard from him since this afternoon with the Ryan stuff and I don’t wanna bother him should anything serious is going on. Ya know? Barb’s not an option for this, I needed a guy. No offense, Barb." Geoff sighed. "So, I thought rather or not I should go to you or Ray."

"So why’d you pick me?"

"Because you have the best food on the planet." Geoff grinned from inside the fridge. "Also, because I feel more comfortable coming to you about this kind of stuff. Ray’s awesome and I love the kid, but sometimes I feel like he’s my son. I would feel bad coming to him with emotional junk."

"Your problem is an emotional one?"

"Kind of. I mean in the sense that I’m really passionate about this." Geoff nodded, bringing an arm full of sandwich making materials and setting them onto the kitchen island. 

"All of this, Geoff?" Michael’s eyes widened. 

"I’m starving."

"Ok, well…" Michael shrugged. "Tell me what’s going on."

"Griffon, Jack and I had different ideas of where this project was going." Geoff watched Michael set the two slices of bread down. "We have to answer a question and display our answers in a well thought out and creative way."

"What question?"

"The question is ‘Why are other people important in our lives?’ and well," Geoff sat himself at the island. "Griffon wanted to explain why other people are important, in the sense of caring for others through mission trips and donating time and resources."

"Sounds good,"

"Jack wanted to do his by showing examples of people changing other’s lives via inspiration," Geoff shrugged. "Like someone with prosthetic legs running a marathon, or someone risking their lives to save someone else’s or something like that."

"Also sounds pretty cool,"

"I know, they’re both great. But I’m not feeling it…"

"Why not?"

"It doesn’t feel personal enough, it feels like they’re talking about things that are out of reach."

"Yeah…" Michael looked up from the slice of ham he was neatly putting on Geoff’s sandwich. "I see what you mean. It’s like those things don’t directly effect your life."

"Exactly!" Geoff nods. "Finally, someone is getting it!"

"So, what would you rather do your project on?" 

"People at school, at work, in the neighborhood." Geoff says. "Like, I want to ask a handful of people who matters to them and why."

"It sounds heartwarming." Michael’s tone is flat and Geoff thinks he’s lying.

"You don’t like the idea, do you…?" Geoff’s shoulders slump. "I thought it was lame, no wonder Griffon and Jack didn’t want to do it."

"No, no, no!" Michael shook his head. "I do think it’s awesome! Sorry, I’m not great at…expressing."

"So you think it’ll be cool?"

"Yeah, I can’t wait to see how it turns out!" Michael gave a bit more gusto with his response this time. He really did mean it.

"Awesome!" Geoff grinned widely. "I have to get started soon to make up for lost time!"

"Yeah," Michael nodded. 

"Thanks, bud." Geoff reached over to pet Michael’s curls. The younger male went rouge, but he didn’t move his head away from Geoff’s touch. "You’re fucking adorable."

"Shut up." Michael finished up Geoff’s sandwich. "Want me to toast this in a frying pan, or the toaster oven?"

"Whatever goes faster." Geoff eyed the masterpiece. "I want to make love to the sandwich."

"Geoff, please." Michael chuckled. 

"I want the sandwich inside me."

"Geoff, my gosh!"

_____________________________

 

Gavin woke Ryan so gently, that the older male barely remembers it happening. He can remember the feeling of Gavin’s body moving away from him, and the sudden chill from the loss of the Brit’s body heat. He can hear Gavin speaking as the younger closes the windows to keep the cold out. Ryan’s eyes blink slowly but he has trouble bringing himself from the sleepy fog that’s clouding up his brain. 

"Ry," Gavin bends down to kiss his forehead. "Why don’t you just stay in bed and get some rest? You don’t have to visit me tonight, you’re so tired."

"Hm?"

"I’ll see you at school tomorrow."

"No, I want to…visit you." Ryan forces himself to sit up. "I hate sleeping, I feel so disoriented afterwards."

"I love sleeping."

"I like the idea of it." Ryan grumbled. "But the actual act sucks."

"You’re so strange and I love it." Gavin laughs. "I’m going to head home, ok?"

"Let me walk you to your house."

"No way, it’s bright out. I can walk myself."

"But-"

"You stay here and rest, when I’m ready for you to come over, I’ll call you, ok?" Gavin says. "Besides, you’d would walk me, then come back to your house. Then walk to my house again, then back…that’d be too much. I can just walk myself."

Ryan gave a displeased noise.

"None of that," Gavin bending down to hug his friend. "See you soon, ok?"

Ryan grumbled again, feeling the heaviness of his tired body. However, he was content in Gavin’s embrace. When Gavin let him go, he smiled gently at Ryan.

"Lay down," Gavin applies pressure to Ryan’s shoulder, gently lowering Ryan onto the bed. 

"Did I miss anything interesting at school today?" 

"You’ve picked a fine time to ask." Gavin shook his head slightly. "Nothing important."

"Ok," Ryan felt his eyes close even though he didn’t want them to.

"I’ll see you soon."

_____________________________

 

Mimi could hear feet coming down the stairs from her bedroom. They were fast and only a single pair, she knew they weren’t Ryan’s. The only reason she could tell that it was Gavin and not Ryan, was because he was humming. Ryan never hummed or sang. Gavin did both, and basically at the same time, patting his legs, whistling…just an adorable mess of noises. 

Gavin stopped at the kitchen table where he spied Ryan’s box of cookies. He hesitated for a moment, knowing how seriously Ryan took his cookies. But, how upset could Ryan get if _Gavin_ took one? He almost decided against opening it, but he saw a note stuck to the inside of the plastic ‘window’ of the box. Ryan must have stuck it there during lunch with Mimi. “Take the last cookie, asshole. I saved you one, like you asked.” Gavin chuckled after reading the note. So during their phone call earlier...Ryan had actually done what Gavin had asked? Gavin felt warmer.

"Thank you, Ry." Gavin opened the box, and took the last cookie, biting into it’s still chewy texture. Gavin startled when he saw a figure out of the corner of his eye. He was relieved to see it was only Mimi, not that he would expect anyone else but Mimi or Ryan to be in the house. "Oh, hello Mimi."

"Gavin," She smiled fondly at the Brit. "Are you leaving?"

"I’ve got to get home before my father suspects anything."

"Suspects?" Mimi’s brow furrowed. Gavin hadn’t meant to say that, but there was no sense hiding anything from Mimi. He trusted Mimi just about as much as he did Ryan, which was a lot.

"I’m supposed to be grounded." Gavin rolled his eyes. "My dad’s bloody strict."

"Oh," Mimi nodded apologetically. "Pity."

"It’s alright." It was refreshing to talk to Mimi, an adult who actually cared, and was genuine with him. Gavin knew that his father gave zero fucks about basically everything most of the time. The only thing his father did genuinely anymore was genuinely get drunk. Mimi and Ryan were so similar in they way they treated people, in the way they treated Gavin. Like he was fragile and valuable. 

Gavin reappeared from his thoughts so he could focus on Mimi.

"Thank you, Mimi." Gavin spoke. "For being so kind to me, I mean."

"Of course." Mimi nodded. "So, Ryan’s not coming with you?" Gavin’s smile grew wider at the fact that she called Ryan by his preferred name so naturally, he was sort of expecting it to sound awkward. But, it was perfect.  

"He’s napping." 

"Is he?" Mimi’s blue eyes widened. Gavin thought that she looked so similar to Ryan when she did this.

"Yeah," Gavin confirmed.

"He doesn’t usually," Mimi wasn’t sure to be relieved that he’s relaxing, or sad that today’s events were so taxing that Ryan needed to sleep it off.

"Ryan is fine." Gavin tried to reassure her. Mimi held a hand to her face, shaking her head. The Brit was unsure of what to say, sometimes he wasn’t that good thinking of comforting things to say, but he did know what he was good at doing to make people feel better. "Would you like a hug?"

Mimi chuckled before nodding. Gavin felt a bit silly hugging Mimi, the old woman felt silly too. Gavin was at least a head and shoulders above Mimi’s height, maybe more. So was Ryan. Though, Gavin hadn’t realized how small she was until now. 

"Thank you, Gavin."

"You’re welcome." Gavin grinned. "I’m going to head home now."

"Ryan’s very lucky." Mimi commented, stopping Gavin in his tracks as he headed out of the kitchen. 

"Huh? Why?"

"He has you."

_____________________________

 

Since having been fed the glorious sandwich that Michael prepared for him, Geoff calmed down a lot. In a better mood, he took over the game Michael was playing on his Xbox. While Geoff laid his legs across Michael’s lap, the redhead took to texting, chuckling every once in a while. 

Geoff could feel Michael’s body shaking with laughter under his legs. The tattooed teen turned his head to Michael at the motion, making him become prey to the enemies he was attempting to slaughter. 

"Fucking damn it!" Geoff cursed after becoming distracted. "What the hell are you giggling about?"

"I’m, t-haha!" 

"Huh?"

"I’m text-hahaha!" Michael eyes were watering from laughing so hard. Geoff was trying his damnedest to remain annoyed with Michael, but his dimpled grin and childish laughter were both very contagious."I’m texting Barb,"

"Oh," Geoff sighed dramatically. "Another lame joke?"

"Yeah, I dunno why it’s so funny." Michael wiped the tears form his eyes. "But, I asked her what she was going to the Halloween dance as."

"Uh-huh," 

"And she fucking responds ‘I’m glad you asked, Michael. I’m going as a Zombarbara.’ and I’m losing it, dude!"

"That is pretty funny," Geoff chuckled. "Dunno if I’m going to the dance."

"Why not?" Michael asked. 

"Eh, Griffon and I just kinda wanna get drunk and make out."

"Well, come to the dance. We can have an after party and we can all get drunk together."

Geoff made a noise of indecision.

"I mean, it’d be fun." Michael tried to make his offer more appealing. 

"Hanging out with a bunch of drunk sophomores and juniors though…?" Geoff asked. "I’d have to babysit you guys."

"Not true."

"Besides, where could we all even drink safely?" Geoff rose a brow as he continued playing. "Like, Griffon and I can easily get away with being drunk at my house. My folks are oblivious. But a bunch of us would be too noisy and sloppy."

"Ray’s house?" Michael offered. 

"Nah, his folks baby him too much. They’d probably know something was up."

"Barb’s?" Michael asked. 

"Maybe…

"We’re going to the dance together so, I’ll ask her if it would be cool."

"Wait, whoa." Geoff paused the game. "You finally took the plunge?"

"Huh?"

"Barb’s been liking you since…forever." Geoff grinned. "You finally noticed?"

"What?"

"Or are you still just a big dummy?"

"What are you-"

"Oh my fucking…" Geoff wiped his hands over his face. "Dummy!"

"What do you mean she’s ‘liked me since forever’, dude? I doubt it."

"She’s a chick," Geoff shrugged. "Girls are good at hiding things from people they want to hide things from."

"That’s…" Michael tried to replay moments of himself and Barbara interacting, it never seemed like she thought of Michael that way. "I think you’ve got it wrong, Geoff."

"Unlikely." Geoff shrugged. "But, what makes you want to ask her to the dance now?"

"Uh-"

"Do you like her?"

"Well-"

"But don’t you like Gavin?" Geoff asked. Michael waited for Geoff to crack a teasing smile and say ‘just kidding’ after that question, but he didn’t. Michael felt his face heat up.

"Holy dicks, I knew it!" Geoff finally cracked a smile, but it wasn’t teasing so much as it was taunting. "Holy fucking dicks, dude!"

"I…don’t like Gavin." Michael shrugged the statement off. "I tolerate him, if anything. I mean we’re friends, but nothing more. We barely even talk…anymore."

"Sure, sure." Geoff shrugged. "Why aren’t you asking him to the dance, though?"

"You fucking too? Ray asked me that earlier."

"Well, why aren’t you?"

"He’s grounded."

"But you didn’t deny that you would’ve asked him." Geoff pointed out. "So, if Gav wasn’t grounded you’d ask him then?"

"I mean-"

"Holy dicks."

"Shut up, Geoff!" Michael yelled. "I don’t like Gavin and I don’t want to ask him to the dance! I want to go with Barbara!"

"Because you like her?"

"Yeah, actually. I think I do…I dunno." Michael blushed again. "She’s…really adorable…and funny as hell…and-"

"Adorable." Geoff cooed. "You’re both adorable little kids."

"Shut the hell up," 

_____________________________

 

**_Bzzzng! Bzzzng! Bzzzng!_ **

"Hm…" Ryan grumbled into consciousness. Reflexively, he reached for the object that pulled him from his slumber. Clicking the answer button, he brought his cellphone to his ear. "Hello…?"

"Hey, Ry!" Gavin chirped. 

"Mhm." 

"Ready to come over?" Gavin asked, there was a hint of hesitance in his voice. Ryan couldn’t tell if it was because Gavin wanted him to stay home and sleep, or if it was because Gavin was wary that Ryan wouldn’t want to come anymore. Either way, Ryan cleared his throat as he sat up. 

"Yeah," He responded. Ryan didn’t want to get out of bed, because he wanted to savor the warmth of the blanket and maybe some of Gavin’s body heat that was left behind. 

"Want me to meet you half way?"

"Nope,"

"It’s dark though…"

"I’ll be fine." Ryan swings his legs around to the side of his bed, stretching out his body. 

"Don’t hang up until you get here." 

_____________________________

 

Ryan’s heart was racing a bit as he came to the backdoor of Gavin’s house. He felt like he was being let inside of some secret organization. Like Gavin was the bouncer of some VIP only club and he was letting Ryan in. 

Ryan heard Gavin taking soft footsteps as he approached the door. Then, slowly the it opened. Gavin stood in fleece pajama bottoms and a T-shirt. Ryan was clad in jeans, a T-shirt and light jacket. Also a beanie hat that Gavin thought fit Ryan so perfectly. They stood looking at each other for a while before Gavin pulled Ryan in by the arm of his jacket. 

"Be quiet, alright?" Gavin whispered. 

"Ok," Ryan responded. It was about 9:30, and even from here, Ryan could hear snoring. "Your dad’s asleep already?"

Gavin turned his head back to Ryan and did the motion of bring a cup to his lips several times, indicating that his father had been drinking. 

"Ah," Ryan nodded. 

"You want to go upstairs?" Gavin asked. 

"Yeah — wait!"

"Shh!" 

"Sorry, but, is that your family?" Ryan gestured towards a family portrait up on the mantle in the living room as Gavin lead Ryan down the hall. 

Gavin watched Ryan roam around the house. It wasn’t as big as Ryan’s which was a shame because there were twice as many people living in it. Gavin knew that his younger siblings would love to spend time at Ryan’s house. Having all of that space to run around freely, to see the animals. They would absolutely adore the animals, just as much as Gavin did. He wondered if they would like Ryan? But then again, how could they not?

Gavin followed Ryan into the living room. He looked above the mantel where the family portrait hung. 

"Yup, that’s all of us." Gavin confirmed. 

It was a professionally taken full family photo. There were two small children with dark brunette hair, and light blue eyes. They were the around toddler age. Then there was a boy in the middle with blonde hair, large green eyes. Ryan could tell it was Gavin because of the eyes, but the nose also really gave it away. Then there was an older boy to the right side of the Gavin, his smile was broad and he looked like he was mid-laugh, he was unposed unlike all of the others. He had dark hair as well, but green eyes like Gavin. Then the two adults. 

The man with dark brunette hair and blue eyes, Gavin’s father. Ryan noticed how much Gavin looked like him. He had the same shaped face, jaw structure. The nose, and the quirky smile. But, Gavin shared things with the woman as well. Her loving green eyes, and gentle golden hair. She also had the friendliness about her that Gavin did. 

"Your family looks nice together." Ryan commented. 

"Oh, yeah." Gavin walked across the room, sitting on the couch. "We were happy back then. At least I think we were…" Gavin sighed. "Maybe my mom was suffering on the inside then too, I don’t know anymore."

"She looks really happy, Gavin."

"But, did she feel happy is what I’m wondering."

"Maybe she-"

"She might not have felt free then."

"I didn’t come over to make you sad. We don’t have to talk about it." Ryan left from the mantle and sat down next to Gavin. The younger rested his head on Ryan’s shoulder. 

"You always smell good." Gavin sighed. 

"Would you prefer that I didn’t?"

"Why would I want you to smell bad?"

Ryan shrugged, leaning his head to the side to rest it on Gavin’s. The heat coming from the top of Gavin’s head felt warm against Ryan’s cheek. It was like Gavin was baking like a cookie, and Ryan likes cookies. Ryan likes Gavin. 

"Would you still like me if I didn’t smell good?" Ryan asked.

"Silly Ry." Gavin closed his eyes contently. "We can’t sit here all night, in case my father gets up."

"I could sit here for a while, I just got comfortable." Ryan reaches a hand up and runs his index finger around the rim of Gavin’s ear. Gavin doesn’t know why, but this action feels intimate. "But…"

"Hm?" Gavin hums.

"I am curious to see your room." Ryan’s voice is low to keep it from being too loud, but the lower he speaks, the deeper his voice goes and Gavin loves the way it sounds.

"Well, if you’re curious…let’s go to my room."

_____________________________

 

Gavin cautiously lead Ryan up the stairs in complete silence. As soon as they were in his bedroom, Gavin sighed a large sigh of relief, leaning his weight against his bedroom door to close it. Ryan had immediately taken to exploring Gavin’s room with his eyes. 

"You can um, touch things if you want." Gavin shrugged, still resting against the door. "I know you like to feel textures…"

"How do you know?" Ryan didn’t hesitate to begin running his fingers over the items on Gavin’s bookshelf. Things like snow globes, trophies. They were smooth and cool to the touch. Ryan enjoyed things like this. 

"I watch you, Ryan." Gavin smiled. 

"Eh," Ryan gave a ‘white flag’ noise, surrendering. The noise that Gavin knew meant Ryan wasn’t going to debate further with him. "What are these awards for?" 

"I…uh," Gavin blushed. Ryan turned his head to Gavin when the Brit struggled to answer. 

"You’re embarrassed to tell me?"

"Kind of," Gavin was honest.

"Well, we never finished our game." Ryan said matter-of-factly.

"Game?" Gavin rose a brow.

"Twenty Questions," Ryan reminded him. "You fell asleep around question twelve."

"Oh right, I did." Gavin gave an apologetic smile. "Sorry,"

"It’s ok, it was peaceful."

"Why do you bring the game up now though?"

"Because, if I ask you what the medals and trophies are for during the game you’ll have to answer."

"No I won’t," Gavin shook his head. "It’s not like an on or off switch for my free will."

"Gav," Ryan pouted. "I thought we don’t’ keep secrets from each other?"

"Eat nobs, Ry."

"What are nobs?" Ryan’s brow furrowed. 

"Wieners." 

"Ow," Ryan put his hand protectively over his crotch. "I wouldn’t like to eat it." 

"I didn't say which nob to eat, so don't worry about yours. Besides, it’s an expression." 

"Sure," Ryan rolled his eyes. "Your expressions are so weird."

"I guess." Gavin finally left the door to sit on his bed while Ryan dropped the topic of the awards and instead took to reading book titles. "The awards are from sports."

"Which ones?"

"Swim and football, but not American football." Gavin stuck his tongue out and did finger quotes. "What you call ‘soccer’…"

"You were good then, I’m guessing?" Ryan motions to the various awards.

"Yeah, I was. Not gonna lie." Gavin smiled confidently, Ryan turned to look at him. "I loved it, and I was so bloody in shape, but then…after all the stuff with my mom, I lost interest. Also, I got to scared to sign up for the sports at this school."

"Why? If you like it, do it." Ryan shrugged. 

"I would, but my dad says it might interfere with my academics, and that’s true." Gavin stopped smiling and he sighed. "It’s been so long since I’ve done sports of any kind, that don’t involve a game console and a controller. I barely even like to play those games."

"Would you like it if I did sports with you?" Ryan rose an eyebrow.

"No, Ryan." Gavin shook his head. "I’m not going to force you into sports with me. Besides, being more sloth-like is enjoyable. Less to do, less to worry about. Also, I have more time to spend with you."

"I mean…"

"Excatly, you see?" Gavin was quick to change the subject. "Ok, Ryan. Question twelve, what do you think of my room?"

"It’s different than I imagined."

"Why?"

"It’s smaller, more stuff around." Ryan brought his eyes to Gavin’s. "Still, I kind of thought it’d be messier."

"What? Why?"

"I could see you keeping a disorganized space." Ryan stuck out his tongue. "Or did you just clean it because you knew I would be coming?"

"Ryan," Gavin laughed then looked around his room himself. "I actually would live in a much more laid back way, if I had a choice. I don’t like to be so strict with myself about how my room is…but my father…" Gavin sighed. "If anything is out of it’s place, especially on the floor, my father will get a giant trash bag and throw it away. No matter what it is." 

"He throws your stuff out?"

"Yeah, but it’s just as well…" Gavin shrugged. "Keeping a neat and clean room is important, I guess."

"Respecting someone’s personal space is important too." Ryan says. "I know that he’s ‘in charge’ around here, but if he wanted you to do something, why not ask? Why throw things out? I assume he’s thrown something important away before?"

Gavin’s breath hitched in his throat. Ryan noticed, then felt bad for asking. 

"You don’t have to answer that."

"Ask me again, but this time make it part of the game." Gavin requested, even though he felt a bit silly doing so.

"Um, question thirteen," Ryan stated. "What did your dad throw out that was important to you?"

"Hand me that book on the desk." Gavin pointed to where a black book sat. There were some things sticking out of book’s pages, and Ryan tapped them back inside so they wouldn’t fall out. He carried the book across the room to where Gavin sat. "Thanks." He took the book from Ryan. "Sit down, I want to show you."

"Ok," 

"This is my scrap book, and kind of my sketch book. But, not like the one I carry with me." Gavin rose his green eyes to Ryan, who’s gaze was scanning over the book’s cover. "Don’t laugh, by the way, I’m no good at drawing, but I do it anyway."

"I won’t laugh." Ryan gave Gavin his word. 

"Alright," Gavin opened the book to the middle, and Ryan was met with very sketchily drawn figures, that were obviously people. There were several people in a hoard, and they were all moving quickly. The figures weren’t ‘realistically’ drawn at all, nor cartoony. They were obviously people, but nothing like anything Ryan had seen before. "Scary huh?"

"What is it a drawing of?"

"The people in the airport." Gavin looked down at what he’d drawn. "We were moving to America,"

"Oh."

"I drew them like this because I was afraid. The people didn’t look like people, and the noise was so loud. It was almost like I could see the sound. The sharp peeks and falls of all of the noises blending together, like an audio file." Gavin runs his thumb over the plane ticket that had been pasted inside of the book.

"I’ve felt like that before," Ryan admits. "Sometimes at school. Sometimes by myself when the silence is the loudest thing in the room."

"Yeah," Gavin nods. "But then," He turns the page, and the next drawing is done in a completely different style, it’s even made with colored pencils. This one was far more realistic. Ryan almost expected to see it blink. "There was a baby on the plane. It kept looking over the seat to look at me." 

"It looks amazing!" Ryan’s eyes widen. "You even drew in the details…how long did this take you?"

"I don’t know." Gavin shrugged.

"I don’t think I could draw very well." Ryan commented, studying the drawing with his eyes.

"Do you ever try?"

"Don’t think I should."

"Trying is the first step to succeeding, Ryan."

"Gavin, this is great, but why are you showing me this?" Ryan asked. "What does this have to do with what your dad threw out?"

"These scrapbooks, or sketchbooks…whatever," Gavin begins. "They’re more like diaries. It’s how I make sure that I’m ok."

Gavin turns the pages, making his way slowly towards the beginning of the book. 

"I get to look back and see all of the things that I’ve overcome," Gavin turns more pages, Ryan catches glimpses of more scary looking drawings, these are only of one person, looming over a smaller one. Sometimes there are things written by them. Ryan sees the word ‘Dad’ briefly and gathers that the recurring looming figure is the boy’s father. The drawings seem to regard a physical altercation. But, Ryan doesn’t want to accept it for what it was, just in case he saw it wrong. Or if the drawings weren’t of actual events. "But, one day, in a rush to leave for school, or maybe my younger siblings snuck into my room again without permission, but somehow, my notebook was laying on the floor."

"Oh no, Gavin…" Ryan’s chest actually ached when he realized what Gavin was getting at. 

"I don’t know how or why it was on the floor, or even if it was at all. I would never leave it there. Maybe my dad went snooping into it, and didn’t like what I’d written about him…but he came to me with it in his hands. He said it was out of place, and it had to go." Gavin caught a chill. "He held it above my head like the bully he is. I was crying, I couldn’t hear myself doing it, but I could feel the tears on my face. I remember shouting ‘please, please, please!’ but it wasn’t like it made a difference."

"How could he do that? Didn’t he know what it meant to you?"

"He should have known, he probably did." Gavin shook his head. "It was after my mother had died, and there were quite a few things in there about her….I treasured them even before she left me…but they’re gone now. Just like her."

"Gavin…" Ryan didn’t know what to say, but somehow, he could sense that this just wasn’t the time to hug him. 

"It hurt so badly Ryan," Gavin shook his head. "It was one of the hardest things in my life to go through, and I know it sounds silly…but it felt like he was trying to break me, slice his way through my core with a machete."

"It doesn’t sound silly, not at all."

"When he left my room after that, I sat on my bed leaning forward, trying to remember how to breath. But with every breath in, the exhale came out in a yell. It was a shrill sound like my father was scratching nails against a chalkboard, only I was the chalkboard and with every scratch I was screaming." 

"Your father boils my blood Gavin," Ryan shrugged. "There’s just no other way to say it!"

"He’s not that bad all in all…my mother’s passing just really messed him up."

"He’s…hurting you. Emotionally and physically." Ryan avoids Gavin’s eyes. "I saw the drawings." 

"Ryan, I don’t mind that you saw. But, he doesn’t hit me that often. It’s not like he beats me when he does. It’s like a disciplinary thing." Gavin tries to explain. "If I do something he doesn’t like, to then prevent me from doing it again, he hits me. It’s usually one ‘boop’ and then that’s it."

"Gavin, ‘boop’ is what you do when you touch a puppy’s nose." Ryan shook his head. "Either way, hitting someone is not the right way to correct someone. I mean, I’m not a parent, but I know you. The first day we met, I corrected you. I didn’t hit you."

"When did you correct me?"

"I told you to call me Ryan, and you did. I didn’t even explain why that well, and you said it didn’t matter."

"Oh, yeah…but-"

"No buts." Ryan shook his head. "You are the sweetest person in the world. No one should hit you. Ever."

Gavin wasn’t sure what to say, but…he was touched. In every since of the word. He bit onto his bottom lip to fight off tears. He hated the fact that he could cry at the drop of a hat. Ryan found it powerful though. To be able to show the emotions you felt. He’d always had trouble with that. Maybe that’s why he felt invincible with Gavin. The Brit made him feel everything, and since feeling meant power and strength to Ryan…he felt like the most powerful being on the planet with Gavin. 

"Ask me something." Ryan watched as Gavin closed his notebook. 

"Question fourteen, have you ever had any other friends?" 

"They weren’t really friends, and they all learned to dislike me because of how I am." Ryan shrugged. "Even before the silence and everything. I was…odd I guess. Because I was usually isolated and alone with my mother, I didn’t know how to interact with other people, especially children. Even though I feel like it wasn’t her fault or anything. I don’t think early socialization would’ve helped. I’m just different then, but not in a good way like you."

"Ryan, you’re perfect." Gavin smiled. "I really wish I’d known you when you were younger. I would’ve loved to have been there for you."

"I wasn’t ready for you then, I’m not now." Ryan lays down on his side, looking up at Gavin. Gavin ran his fingers through Ryan’s hair, pushing the beanie from his head as he did so. "Question fifteen,"

"Alright."

"Do I ever annoy you?" Ryan liked the feeling of Gavin massaging his scalp. "Be honest."

"I don’t get annoyed with you, frustrated sometimes. Never annoyed." Gavin shakes his head. The topic ended naturally and Gavin carried on to the next question. "Question sixteen," Gavin stated. "What do you think of Michael?"

At that, Ryan opened his eyes. He made a ‘indifferent’ face, crinkling his nose and shrugging. 

"I dunno," Ryan says. "He went out of his way to sit with me the day you and I met. I was minding my own business and he just sat there." Ryan shrugs again. "I thought it was weird that he decided to sit with me, for no aparent reason. Especially when all of you said it was odd that he’d chosen to sit there as well. But, other than that…he…I don’t know him."

"But would you like to get to know him?"

"I’d like to get to know all of your friends…it’s just a bit hard for me…"

"I understand, but the fact that you’re willing means a lot."

"Yeah," Ryan nodded, closing his eyes again. "Question seventeen."

"Alrighty."

"Would you come with me on a trip?"

"Huh?" Gavin asked. "To where…?"

"Georgia."

"To your home town?"

"An hour away from my home town, but yeah."

"Um, sure I guess. Why?" 

"My mom’s talking," Ryan answers. "She’s talking and I don’t even care…but she’s asking about me and wants to see me. I don’t know if I should go. I don’t want to go."

"If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it." 

"Do I owe her a visit though?" Ryan wondered out loud. "I mean, it’s not really her fault that she is the way she is…and she didn’t mean to do all the things to me that she did. So, do I owe her the chance to see me for the first time in years? Now that she’s finally coming around?"

"That’s a complicated question, but here’s the thing." Gavin looked down at Ryan. Their faces were upside down to own another as Ryan let his head rest in Gavin’s lap, and Gavin looked down. But, their eyes locked nonetheless. "I don’t want anything she says or does to hurt you, you’ve come so far."

"Yeah…"

"But, if you feel like you owe it to her, then I think you should go. Otherwise, if you never get the chance to, or something…then you’ll always be held back by the feeling of ‘owing her something’ and it’ll mess you up forever."

"Sounds familiar, like something I said to someone about their father." Ryan teased a bit, though he was grateful for Gavin’s words. 

"Ya know." Gavin blushed. 

"I love the fact that you listen to me." Ryan couldn’t help but smile softly. Gavin smiled back.

"I absolutely love the fact that you talk to me." Gavin returns a compliment. "I feel like I have an exclusive privilege above others. That I’m allowed to touch you, and talk to you, and you actually enjoy talking back. And my god, when you smile at me! Your smile at me and it’s my favorite thing!" 

"You’re my favorite thing…" Ryan commented silently. It wasn’t really like he was telling it to Gavin. More so he was clarifying it to himself aloud so he could really accept the fact that it was true. He stared silently at the ceiling before sitting up, moving himself from Gavin a bit. "So,"

"Yeah?"

"Ask me another question."

"Question eighteen, do you like music?"

"I like the idea of music." Ryan shrugs. "I like music without words best."

"Classical?"

"Not always. I like…just instruments and beats, or synthesizers."

"Oh, I have a CD like that, I’ll burn it for you." Gavin got up from the bed and began rummaging through a stack of CDs on his desk. "This one." He holds it up. "I’ll burn it later, but for now, I’ll just play it."

"Alright." Ryan watches Gavin put the disk in the CD player and pressed play. Soft ambient music began to play. Ryan immediately smiled widely. "I’ve heard this before…I don’t know where though. It used to be stuck in my head for a long time, but I’d just accepted the fact that I’d never hear it again."

"Well, when I burn it for you, you’ll be able to listen to it all the time." Gavin sat back down on the bed. "Ryan?"

"Hm?"

"If I offered a few songs with lyrics, would you listen to them?"

"Yeah."

"Ok," 

"Question nineteen, have I told you that I came up with an idea for our Halloween dance costumes?" Ryan asked.

"What?" Gavin shifted his position on the bed to better face Ryan. "Tell me, tell me, tell me!"

"So, I was thinking that the costume shop costumes are super generic and more expensive than buying clothes at the thrift shop." Ryan began. "If we buy stuff from the thrift shop, we could save loads of money to focus on our masks from the costume shop, which is the most important part!"

"Well," Gavin shrugged. "The masks are important, but the costumes are more important."

"No…people will see the masks first and be like ‘whoaaa’, ya know?"

"What?" Gavin laughed. "No way, the costumes will make them go ‘whoaa’, not the bloody masks."

"Nu-uh, because when they’ll look at us, it’ll be more like ‘whoa that mask is insane!’ then ‘oh, cool pants’." Ryan explained. "Therefor, masks are more important."

"Ryan you suck," Gavin teased. "Why aren’t you as excited about the costumes as you are the masks?"

"Um, well…I don’t know. I think the masks make it feel more like I’m someone else, rather than the costumes."

"Oh…" Gavin realized what Ryan meant, then didn’t say anything more on the subject. "Question twenty,"

"Yeah?"

"What do you plan on doing after high school?"

"Retiring." Ryan didn’t even have to think about his answer, he’d thought about it before. 

"Haha, what?"

"Moving to a lake, living there til I die."

"No university?" Gavin tried not to sound surprised. Not going to uni wasn’t even an option for him. His father made that very clear.

"Nope, no uni."

"But, do you want a career?" Gavin asked. "I mean, you could have a career without further schooling, but…do you want one? Retiring kind of implies you don’t want work."

"I can’t think of anything I want to do." Ryan ran his fingers through his hair. "Everything sounds dull besides…"

"Besides?"

"Writing." Ryan says. "At that lake that I retire by, I want to bring my notebook out there and write until my hand stops."

"Then become a writer."

"It’s not just something I can do…"

"Sure it is."

"My writing isn’t the kind of stuff people want to read.  I don’t write about humans faling in love with vampires, or wizards fighting noseless villians."

"People would love to read what you write because it’s genuine, like you Ryan."

"Eh,"

"Everything will work itself out, and you’ll be a great writer and live on the lake."

"I used to find your optimism refreshing, now I’m starting to think that you’re a little insane."

"I just believe in you a lot…" Gavin looked down. "Sorry."

"Don’t be." Ryan shook his head. "Even though we’ve reached twenty, can I ask you more questions?"

"Yeah,"

"Question twenty-one, what do you want to do after high school?"

"University," Gavin smiled. "Maybe for art, or for being a doctor." 

"Two very different things." Ryan laughed. "I could picture you being a doctor, freaking out when something goes wrong. Being a total spaz."

"That’s not nice, Ry." Gavin frowns. "I could do it."

"I didn’t say you couldn’t do it. I just said it’d be funny." Ryan corrects. "And, isn’t your brother working to become a doctor?" Ryan asked. "Are you doing it because he’s doing it?"

"I hate when people ask me that." Gavin sighs. "This has nothing to do with Samuel. I just…I want to be able to save someone. I couldn’t save my mom, even though she made that decision on her own. But, if I could actually save someone, I’d feel complete." 

"You saved me." Ryan avoided Gavin’s eyes. 

"Ry," Gavin shook his head. "You’re…unreal."

"Huh?"

"Nothing," Gavin glanced at the clock. The night was slowly dwindling away. It’d felt like more time had passed than it really had. "Question twenty-two," 

"Go."

"Do…you see anyone living in that lake house?"

"What lake house?"

"The one you want to retire into after high school." 

"Me,"

"Anyone else?"

"You and Mimi." Ryan says. "I pictured it happening today at lunch with Mimi. When we were all happy together like that, I could see us like that for a long time."

"R-really?" 

"Yeah," Ryan nodded. He didn’t add in the part about how he expected it not to last for very long. 

"That makes me happy," Gavin beamed. "I’d live with you and Mimi."

"I know." Ryan replied. 

"Don’t get cocky." Gavin liked the dose of confidence Ryan was exhibiting.

"I’m not getting cocky, I just know that my brain sees rational and probable things. So, I knew that maybe it was highly probable that you would want to be with me," Ryan nods. "And Mimi."

"Ryan, you’re doing it again." Gavin warned. 

"What?"

"Flirting." Gavin could feel the grin stuck on his face. 

"Um, maybe I’m meaning to." Ryan shrugs. 

"Shut the hell up," Gavin’s eyes widen. 

"Just kidding…? I think." Ryan’s face shows that maybe he doesn’t actually know what he’s saying as he claimed to. "I don’t know how this works."

"Just stop, Ryan." Gavin chuckles. "It was a good try."

"When you tell me I’m doing it, it throws me off!" Ryan accuses. 

"Keep your voice done, you pleb!" Gavin whispers insistently. 

"I will if you ask me another question." Ryan taunts.

"I can’t."

"Why?"

"It’s your turn to ask me."

"Oh," Ryan thinks. "Question twenty-three, do you flirt with me?"

"Huh?"

"You say I flirt with you." Ryan says. "But is it possible that if I don’t notice that I’m flirting with you, that I don’t notice you flirting with me…because I’m not good at realizing that kinda thing?"

"Well, do you want me to be honest?"

"No," Ryan states. "Wait — yeah, be honest."

"I…do flirt with you." Gavin blushes. "I can’t help it."

"Is it because you want to be my boyfriend?"

"I don’t know." Gavin half lied, he’d thought about being with Ryan often…but he didn’t know if he flirted with Ryan because he wanted to be his boyfriend. He couldn't tell if it was simply because he adored Ryan in every way, and he just had to express it somehow. 

"How do you flirt with me?" Ryan inquires. "So next time, I’ll know."

Gavin rolls his eyes, leaning across the bed to Ryan. He presses his lips to Ryan’s cheek. Ryan waits until that stops before looking at Gavin. 

"Why’d you do that?"

"The world may never know." Gavin rolls his eyes again. 

"Uh?"

"Question twenty-four, are you getting sleepy yet?" Gavin yawns himself. 

"A little, but I think it’s the music."

"Should I turn it off?"

"No." Ryan shakes his head. "Can I lay down?"

"Yeah." Gavin watches as Ryan kicks his shoes off and crawls up towards the head of the bed, laying his head on Gavin’s pillow. "Are you going to stay the night?"

"Last question for today," Ryan took his turn to yawn. "Can I stay the night?"

"If my father catches us, he’ll kill us both."

"Let him."

"You can stay, but hold my hand." Gavin extends his hand to Ryan’s. "I’m scared."

"Lay down." Ryan waits until Gavin is laying beside him, lacing their fingers and yawning again. 

"Ry?"

"Hm?"

"Did you bring your backpack incase you were going to stay the night?"

"Yeah." Ryan admitted, though it wasn’t really a secret. Gavin just hadn’t asked. 

"Do you have everything you need for tomorrow?"

"Besides a change of clothes." Ryan shrugs. "No one saw me in these though, so it’s fine. Besides, I don’t care if they had."

"Yeah,"

"On the bright side, I have my tooth brush."

"Oh gosh, the most important thing!" Gavin teased. 

"Are we going to sleep now?"

"I think so."

"We sleep together a lot."

"Shut up," Gavin blushed in the dim light of his bedroom, because of the way Ryan’s comment sounded. Only his lamp, shaped like the solar system was on, hanging in the corner of the room opposite of the bed. The orangey light illuminated the crown of Ryan’s hair like a halo. 

"Why should I shut up?" Ryan stuck out his tongue.

"It’s just time to be quiet."

"Does your dad come into your room every morning?" 

"No, but he knocks to make sure I’m up." Gavin tells him clearly. "As soon as you’re up, we’re going to sneak you downstairs and out the back door. Go to the halfway point, I’ll meet you there. Unless you want to go all the way to the school." Gavin gives Ryan the instructions. "I’ll bring you breakfast."

"Awesome, food!" Ryan opens his eyes. "Oh, speaking of food, I told Mimi that I would be gone. I usually make her breakfast. But, I left a note on the ‘chore list’ for the farm workers to make her breakfast since I won’t be there."

"You’re so smart." Gavin comments. "I wouldn’t have remembered to do all that. I wouldn’t be a very good caretaker…"

"Says the future doctor…"

"Shut up," Gavin squeezes Ryan’s hand tighter. "See you in the morning."

"Good night." Ryan says, though he’s not ready to sleep. He keeps his eyes open for a moment, just looking at Gavin’s face. "We’re going costume shopping tomorow, right?"

"Yes, Ry."

"After school?"

"Yes, Ry."

"Ok." Ryan hummed happily. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Gavin began to work on drifting back to sleep, but Ryan interrupted again. 

"Gavin?"

"Yes, Ry?"

“No bed time story?” Ryan reached out to trace his index finger along both of Gavin’s soft eyebrows. Gavin let his eyes remain closed.

"For me?"

"Yeah."

"Like the one you told me before?" Gavin asked.

"Yeah."

"Not tonight." Gavin sighs. "Good night, Ryan."

"Good night." Ryan is silent for only a minute before talking again. "I have to use the bathroom."

"Want me to come with you?"

"Gross, Gav." Ryan giggles.

"I meant to guide you and keep the look out for my dad?"

"Where’s the bathroom at?"

"Use the downstairs one to make sure my dad won’t hear you, or anything."

"Ok," Ryan lets go of Gavin’s hand and swings himself into a standing position. "Are you coming?"

"I thought you didn’t want me to?"

"Come on."

"Are you scared?"

"No…lonely."

"Oh my god." Gavin heaved himself into a seating position, then standing. "Let’s go, and then sleep. I’m serious this time, I’m exhausted. Don’t make me send you home." Gavin warned, of course he didn’t mean it.

One bathroom break, and a bedtime story later, even though Gavin didn’t want it, Ryan finally shut up and went to sleep. Gavin too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS
> 
> If you are a long time reader and this isn't your first time visiting this fic, hello again!  
> I hope you all can take a few seconds and visit chapters 1, 3, and 6 to see the newly added fan art by Loleifos.
> 
> That's all babies, I love you and see you in next one.!


	14. Is This Why?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is this why you tell me we can’t talk about it?" Ryan asked. "Because it hurts you?"
> 
> "No that’s not why at all!"
> 
> "Then please for fuck’s sake, if you can’t tell me what I don’t understand…then tell me why we can’t talk about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> TWO UPDATES IN ONE WEEK, HELL YEAH!  
> Anyway, so guys this is a short 2K+ update, just because I want to really have the part about the costume shopping be really focused on that. And I couldn't find a way to get from this scene to the next without messing up the flow so I'm letting this morning be it's own thing. I really love this moment between Gav and Ry, I hope you do too! 
> 
> Please don't read the 'more notes' until you finish the chapter. I don't want to spoil anything. 
> 
> I love you <3 
> 
> And As Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

Ryan suddenly woke up. He thought he’d heard something, or maybe someone had shaken him. But, as he looked around, he realized that nothing had happened. Though…something was different. He didn’t feel disoriented. However, he felt more alert than ever. Even more so than when he was awake any other normal day. A quick glance at Gavin’s alarm clock let Ryan know it was 5:45 AM. 

"Why am I awake?" Ryan sighed. 

"Hm?" Gavin hummed. It wasn’t until Ryan tried to move, that he realized he was wrapped up in Gavin’s arms. 

"I didn’t mean to wake you." Ryan tried to wriggle free of Gavin’s hold, but the barely awake Brit held him tighter. "I should go…"

"Why?" Gavin murmured. 

"Won’t your dad be up soon?"

"Are you alright?" The concern woke Gavin a bit more than he already was. 

"I don’t know."

"Am I doing something wrong?" Gavin opened his eyes slowly, focusing on Ryan as best as his sleepy eyes could. Ryan looked startled by something. Gavin almost wanted to chuckle at the expression on his face. It was like the first time a baby hears someone sneeze, the look of sheer disbelief at what’d just happened. "Did you have a dream about something?"

"I’m so…here right now."

"What?"

"I’m here, in your bed, in your arms, with you." Ryan announced as if Gavin didn’t know. 

"And," Gavin fidgeted a bit. "I like it." Gavin looked at Ryan’s sleep disheveled hair, and his piercing blue eyes in the still dark morning. 

"You know something?"

"Hm?"

"This happens in the movies." Ryan says. "The two people wake up in bed, and they talk."

"That happens in real life too, it’s happening now."

"But, there’s something about it." Ryan sits up, this time Gavin doesn’t hold him tighter as he moves away. "In the movies, the people are a couple, or a sexual partner. But I’m just me, and you’re just you."

"So?"

"I can’t help but feel that I’m missing something, that there’s something more going on here that I’m not getting, or that I’m not understanding. Please," Ryan lays back down so he can be face to face with Gavin. "Gavin, please. If I’m missing something, and you see something that I don’t…let me know."

"Ryan, there’s nothing going on that you don’t see."

"Don’t lie to me!" Ryan tries not to raise his voice. Gavin frowns. "I feel it…"

"Feel what?"

"I feel you," Ryan lowers his voice back down to a whisper of sorts. "I feel something between us, the thing that hurts me when I think about you. It means something doesn’t it?"

"Well, I —"

"The thing that I’ve brought up before, and you say ‘we don’t have to talk about it’ or ‘not yet, Ry’ like I can’t handle the truth or something."

"Ryan, please just-"

"You know something I don’t! And we said no secrets!"

"Ryan!" Gavin growled because he couldn’t yell. "There are a million things that I can  **never**  explain to you! And, there are a million things that I  **could** explain to you, and things I  **will**  explain to you! But there are just some things that you have to figure out on your own and I am so sorry that I can’t help you!” 

Ryan looked at Gavin like he’d never seen him before. Like there was a whole new person here that Ryan had to figure out. Gavin knew it. He knew the look on Ryan’s face. Ryan had given it to every person that he didn’t know when they approached him. He gave it to people he didn’t know how to talk to. He’d given it to Gavin when they’d first sat outside together and Ryan ate the cookie that he didn’t like. He’d given it to Gavin in the car the first time Ryan drove Gavin to school in the rain. 

"Ryan," Gavin reached forward, pulling on the fabric of his jacket that he’d worn to bed. "Please don’t look at me like that." Gavin felt like the walls in the room were closing in. 

Ryan didn’t say anything, but he continued to look at Gavin like he was a stranger. 

"Please, please…" Gavin pulled Ryan again, closer and closer until his face was in the older boy’s shirt. "Ryan, you’re hurting me."

Ryan closed his eyes at the words that spilled from Gavin’s lips. He never in his life wanted to hurt Gavin. The thought of causing Gavin any pain made him squeeze his eyes shut tighter. 

"Is this why?" Ryan asked. Gavin hadn’t realized he was crying until he pulled back from Ryan’s chest, and felt the air in the room cool the tears on his face. 

"W-what?"

"Is this why you tell me we can’t talk about it?" Ryan asked. "Because it hurts you?"

"No that’s not why at all!"

"Then please for fuck’s sake, if you can’t tell me what I don’t understand…then tell me why we can’t talk about it."

"Because it’ll be like trying to solve a puzzle, but every piece you have doesn’t fit. They’re from completely different puzzles. I want to wait until you have all the pieces before I try to start helping you put the puzzle together." Gavin tried his best to explain the situation in a way Ryan would understand. 

"I guess…I get it." Ryan felt frustrated with himself. 

"Cheer up," Gavin tilted his face up to press a kiss to the space just above Ryan’s adams apple. Ryan grimaced, not because he didn’t like it, but the contact made him shiver for some reason and the feeling was new. Gavin felt Ryan’s reaction beneath his lips and he giggled a bit. "Sorry, Ry."

"Um," Ryan unscrunched his face. "It’s fine."

"Are you ok?" Gavin asked. "I mean, about the things we can’t talk about?"

"When will I be ready?"

"You’ll know when you know." Gavin shrugged. Ryan gasped, his lips parted and his eyes widened. "What?"

"Oh my god…" Ryan felt gears in his head whirring into motion. The dots connected, the lightbulb went on. "Gavin…"

"What?" Gavin shook Ryan gently. "What? What?"

"This is because…I love you." Ryan stated. Gavin’s eyes widened as well, his jaw fell open. 

"Ryan, how exactly…do you gather that?"

"I talked to Mimi about it." Ryan nods. "She said ‘when you know, you know’ too!"

 

**_"James, there is a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone."_ **

**_"How can I tell which one I am?"_ **

**_"You will soon." Mimi shrugged. "Knowing that kind of thing can be instantaneous, or it could take a life time. But, when you know, you know."_ **

 

"But, Ryan…you don’t know." Gavin shook his head, the hope that maybe Ryan finally really understood went away. "You don’t know how you love me yet, or if you love me."

"Why not?"

"Well, do you?" Gavin rose an eyebrow. Ryan tried hard to put the pieces of his puzzle together, but…he came up with nothing. He groaned loudly. Gavin took a deep breath, swallowing up his disappointment. "That’s alright."

"Fuck!" Ryan cursed. "I thought I was onto something. I thought that maybe I could understand, and be there for you and not sit around being clueless…but it still doesn’t make any sense to it. I know I feel something, but I don’t know what it means."

"It’s alright." Gavin sighed, tilted his face up to Ryan again, pressing a kiss this time to his jaw. 

"Why do you kiss me?" Ryan asks.

"I like to."

"It’s affection, right?" 

"Yes," Gavin settled back against Ryan’s chest.

"Because you love me?" 

Gavin was quiet, a bit flustered, and a bit unsure. His heart was beating his throat, his stomach turned. “I think so, Ryan.”

"I want to love you too, but I don’t know what it means to do that." Ryan responded. "Mimi said that-"

"Ryan…"

"Yeah?"

"I love Mimi, not the way I love you. But I care for her very much." Gavin begins. "But, you have to realize, that you can talk to someone about something…but that only takes you so far."

“Huh?”

"What Mimi said about love is true, and she may have very good explanations of what love is about, what it’s like. She’s been in love before after all. But…"

"But what?"

"You won’t understand if or how you love me, until you discover for yourself what it means."

"But, Gav…" Ryan frowns. 

"What?"

"I want to love you, I want to love you so much." Ryan reached around to hug Gavin’s body to his. "I just…I don’t understand….I don’t know it yet. I don’t know how. There’s a disconnect between what I think and feel and until they line up…I can’t say that I love you without it feeling odd. I mean…I think I love you, too."

"You do." Gavin murmurs, voice muffled against Ryan’s chest. 

"I do?" Ryan asked. "But how can I know?"

Gavin didn’t say anything more. He didn’t want to tell Ryan that the older boy already does love him, more than anyone. That Ryan is doing all of the right things, taking care of Gavin and treating him so well. But, Gavin needed Ryan to realize that on his own, no matter how long it took. Or whatever may happen from now, until Ryan does realize it. 

It was this moment now, that let Gavin know that he was willing to wait…until Ryan’s brain realized what his heart already knew.

_____________________________

Ryan and Gavin laid in bed for about a half hour longer, before Gavin bothered to get up and get ready for the day. While he got up to get dressed, Ryan laid on his back staring at the ceiling talking about their plans for the day, and taking a heist on the dance. 

"So today, costumes." Gavin hissed at the cold as he took off his shirt. Ryan looked over at him. 

"Fancy clothes." Ryan grinned. "Like button downs, ties or bow ties, and nice slacks."

"Yeah! We’ll be like James Bond!"

"Of course, we’re going to be professional gangsters." Ryan nodded. “We have to look like bosses.”

"And then ridiculous masks, for comedic effect." Gavin stepped out of his pajama bottoms.

"And because they’re fucking cool." Ryan commented. "We have four days before the heist by the way."

"Yeah," Gavin began to pull down his boxers, when he realized Ryan was still looking at him. "R-Ry! Don’t look!"

"Oh…" Ryan blushed and looked back up at the ceiling. "Sorry,"

"It’s ok." Gavin quickly stepped out of his underwear, gathering up the clothing into a ball, and tossing them all into the hamper in the corner of his room. He dashed back to his dresser, retrieved new undies and put them on. "Alright, I’m decent."

"Good," Ryan looked back over at him. "You’re so skinny."

"Um, yeah." Gavin pat his tummy. "I used to be so meaty when I did sports."

“ _Meaty_ , haha.” Ryan rolls his eyes. “Who describes themselves like that?”

"Shut up, bully." Gavin laughed. "Oh shit, we have to keep our voices down. I forgot."

"Oh yeah…"

"You actually should’ve left by now. We’re screwing around too much, we’re gonna get caught."

"No way!"

"Yes way, and shut the hell up, Ry! Don’t make me come over there."

"I dare you." Ryan smirked. 

"Flirt."

"Damn it." Ryan cursed, looked back up at the ceiling. "So, anyway. Four days."

"Yup," Gavin nodded. "Today we’re getting the costumes after school, but during school…we’re going to find out what we can about the dance."

"Do you remember our end goal?"

"Heist Name: Robin Hood." Gavin stated. "Take the refreshments from the dance, go back to the farm, have a party in the barn."

"Exactly," Ryan nodded, still looking at the ceiling. "Hey, Gav…?"

"Huh?" Gavin pulled on a pair of jeans.

"Are we…like the movies?" 

"I dunno, are we?" 

"Sometimes when we’re together, I don’t feel like it’s real life. I never imagined being this happy, or this social. Or…this comfortable with another human being."

"I feel the same actually, but we aren’t supposed to be like the movies. We’re just supposed to be us."

~*~

Ryan snuck out of the house easily, and waited at the end of the street for Gavin. The Brit emerged about fifteen minutes later with a warm buttered muffin for Ryan. 

"Holy shit, thank you, Gav." Ryan took it from him. "I was so worried that you forgot."

"I’ve got you, Ry." Gavin smiled, holding his own muffin in his hand. "I hope you like blueberry, I took the banana nut for myself, if you want to trade we-"

"Mmm," Ryan moaned as he took a large bite. "I’m good."

"Alright," Gavin chuckled taking a bite and following Ryan down the street to school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case this was confusing for anyone, Ryan does love Gavin. Obviously.  
> But what the issue is, Ryan doesn't exactly understand what that means.  
> He's talked to Mimi about it, and he has a general understanding of what loving someone is...  
> Though, he's just confused because when he thinks about trying to say it to Gavin, it feels caught in his throat and it feels almost like a lie, because there is a disconnect between the words and his feelings. Like he hasn't figured something out, and Gavin knows that. Which is why he just sighs, and decides to wait until Ryan figures it out, because the disconnect won't be fixed until Ryan figures it out for himself. 
> 
> Better? I hope so. Feel free to talk to me if you're still confused <3  
> I love you all *_*


	15. Classrooms, Cafeterias, Costumes and Cookies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Spill it." Griffon smirked. "What are you doing the night of the dance?"
> 
> "Don’t lie to us, Gav."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> Thank you Becky for helping me so so so much with this chapter. She did a lovely job Beta-ing and making sure that I was confident about posting this chapter. I also recieved so many kind messages from you all via Tumblr, Kik and email. It's so so so amazing to have all of this support from you all. It's really helping me push forward with this story. I'm doing so well with keeping up with it and it's all thanks to you lovely people! 
> 
> The next chapter probably won't be the dance, I want to touch base on some other things before that.  
> So, yeah...that's all!  
> I'm so excited for the dance though, oh gosh!
> 
> And As Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

Gavin looked over at Ryan as they stood on the front steps of the school. They were early, and the doors had just unlocked. A few other early students walked passed them into the school while the two boys stayed outside. Gavin began to feel tension that wasn’t really there. He kept trying to think of something engaging to say. But, what was there to get Ryan engaged to? There wasn’t even a conversation or a topic being held. They were just standing there in silence.

"So," Gavin hummed. Ryan turned his head at the sound of Gavin’s voice. 

 "What?" 

"I don’t know, I just kind of felt like I should say something."

"I’m sorry." Maybe it was Ryan who really had something to say all of this time. 

"For what?" Gavin’s brow furrowed. Of all of the things that could’ve came out of Ryan’s mouth, Gavin wasn’t expecting an apology. 

"For getting upset with you this morning." Ryan looked down at his feet. "I know you’re just trying to do what’s best for me. And, you’re letting me be more independent by letting me figure things out on my own."

"Yeah," Gavin smiled. "But you’re not on your own. I’m here."

"I know, I didn’t mean actually alone. It’s like we’re walking a path together, and you’re here, but you’re not guiding me…if that makes sense."

"It does."

"I like you, a lot." Ryan smiles widely. His teeth flashing in the dim light of the early morning. 

"I like you, too." Gavin tries not to look like he’s about to burst at the seams. When Ryan says things like that, with a smile no less, it reminds Gavin of how far they’d come…in so little time.

"I’ve never liked anyone before." Ryan shrugs. "Not how I like you."

"Um, to be honest…" Gavin blushes. "I’ve liked people, but not how I like you. This is all new to me."

"What was it like before?" 

"Lame crushes." Gavin rolls his eyes. "I liked one guy a lot, in a more serious way…but he took something from me, then left."

"Took what?"

"It’s not important."

"I hate when you say that." Ryan folds his arms and looks at Gavin.

"I’ll tell you some other time." Gavin smiles softly, and tugs Ryan closer to him, leaning against the stone of the brick school building. "As for right now, let’s just be here for a while."

"People can see us." Ryan was jerked forward by Gavin’s pull, and their bodies pressed lightly. 

"So?" Gavin smiled. "We’re not doing anything."

"Yeah, but-"

"Sorry." Gavin pushed Ryan back gently, so they weren’t as close. "I forgot touching makes you uncomfortable."

"It’s ok." Ryan looks down again. "It wasn’t uncomfortable. I like when you touch me…I just felt a bit panicked. That closeness wasn’t like our hugs or when we’re laying down about to sleep. That felt different."

"I thought you liked different?" Gavin teased. When he sensed that it wasn’t the time to joke around, he frowned. "I’m sorry, I’m not being sensitive right now. I’m kind of, um…" Gavin blushed again. "Never mind."

"You’re kind of what? Are you ok?"

"Y-yeah." Gavin took his back from the wall. "Anyway,"

"Hm?"

"Do you-"

"Hey, dudes." A voice called from the bottom of the stairs. It was Ray. He looked like he’d just crawled out of bed. "I know, I know. I probably look like asshole."

"Yeah, you do." Gavin commented. "Did you even sleep last night?"

"I did." Ray yawned. "But, I stayed up late. I’m surprised I woke up early of all things. I feel like I could sleep for the next 100 years and that’d be cool."

"What were you even doing all night?" 

"Gav, I was up texting the most amazing girl on the planet." Ray giggled like a child.

“Texting?” Gavin tried not to laugh. “Why didn’t you just call and talk to her?”

“Didn’t want to wake her parents.” Ray says. 

“Oh, gotcha.” Gavin nodded. He had to remember that not all people lived with a passed out drunken father who wouldn’t hear Gavin on the phone, and that everyone didn’t have an entire second floor to themselves like Ryan. 

"So, who were you texting?" Gavin smiles. 

"Jessie, my science partner!" Ray gushed. "We’ve never really talked outside of class, but it turns out she’s really awesome! I knew she would be! We talked about everything! But…I didn’t ask her to the dance."

"Why not?" Gavin’s mouth hung open. "It sounds like you were hitting it off with this girl! You could’ve done it right then, when you know she would’ve said yes!"

"I…fucking…couldn’t!" 

"Why??"

"Michael is asking Barb to the dance, and he’s going about it all special and romantic and stuff…I think anyway. So I can’t just ask her over text."

"Then ask her in class." Gavin suggested. "It’d be in person."

"She likes learning! I couldn’t interrupt her lesson just to ask her to a social function!"

"Then maybe-"

"Don’t worry about it, I’ll figure it out. I’m going inside." Ray shrugged. "Oh, and hi Ryan!"

Ryan had thought himself invisible. Part of him had wanted to join Gavin and Ray’s conversation. Part of him wanted to remain invisible and just stay silent until Ray left. But, now Ray was smiling at him. Ryan cleared his throat, trying to work up the ability to speak. He took a breath and swallowed hard.  

Gavin glanced over at Ryan. Noticing the stone-like look on the older’s face, he rubbed a small comforting circle into Ryan’s back. With a smile to Ray, Gavin gave some departing words. 

"We’ll see you at lunch, Ray." Gavin took the focus off of Ryan.

"Yeah you will!" Ray waved and went off into the building. 

Ryan groaned and brought his hands up to his beanie, tugging on the fabric to try and bring it over his eyes, but of course it wouldn’t reach. 

"You’re fine." Gavin came to stand in front of Ryan, placing his hands on Ryan’s shoulders. 

"I can’t do this…"

"Do what?"

"Talk to your friends."

"You don’t have to, they understand that you-"

"How can they understand? They don’t know me like you do."

"Ryan, no one is going to be upset if you don’t talk."

"I will be!" Ryan shakes his head. "I want to so badly but..the words, they…"

"Shh," Gavin heard other students pass them by again, no doubt they were looking at the two boys with confused and or curious looks. Judging Gavin for associating with Ryan, judging Ryan for apparently dealing with heavy anxiety. 

"Gavin," Ryan brought his hands down from his beanie. "How can I do this?"

"When they come try and talk to you, don’t think you have to say something. Believing that you have to say something is messing you up."

"But-"

"Just accept their words like gifts."

"Gifts?"

"Yeah, and just nod or shake your head, or do nothing." Gavin suggests. "This is the same as it was with me and you, when we first started. It takes time, Ryan."

"Gav-"

"We didn’t get to this point for an entire month. This is day one with them."

"I…I think you’re right." Ryan looked down.

"I am," Gavin smiled, leaning forward and nuzzling his nose to Ryan’s. 

"An eskimo kiss." Ryan commented. 

"You’ve done it before?" Gavin inquired, smiling. 

"N-no, movies," Ryan says, a small smile on his face. Gavin pressed his forehead to Ryan’s briefly. 

"Let’s get inside."

_____________________________

Today was a very slow day, but also very sweet. It wasn’t very stressful, it wasn’t very interesting. It was just the kind of day that went on and no one minded. No one seemed to be counting down the moments until it ended, no one seemed to mind that the clock seemed to be ticking slower, and no one said anything about the anticipation for the weekend…even though it was only Tuesday. 

Gavin was glad that it was the kind of day that basically begged you to daydream, because even if it wasn’t…he’d still be thinking about Ryan. 

_Ryan_ …

Even thinking his name brushed a dopey smile on Gavin’s face.

"Asshole," Michael nudged his friend as they sat in class. Gavin had to shake his head to bring himself back into reality.

"Huh?"

"What are you smiling about?"

"Just, I’m really happy." Gavin glanced towards the front of the classroom where the teacher was. The woman was sitting at her desk grading papers while the students were supposed to be having ‘peer discussions’ about the class’s ‘Topic of the Day’. However, everyone was mostly just chattering about random things. 

"Happy?" Michael repeated. "Well, I’m glad."

"Thanks, boi."

"I’m happy too," Michael grinned. "I finally asked Barb to the dance."

"You’re going with Barb?"

"You didn’t know?" 

"Oh that's right, Ray told me this morning."

"Did he?" Michael fiddles with the coils on his notebook.

"He did." Gavin nodded. "I don’t know why I would be aware of the fact otherwise."

"The hell does that mean?"

Gavin shrugged. "We haven’t talked lately."

"You’re right. We haven’t, not like we used to."

"Yeah—"

"Does it bother you?"

"That we’re not talking?" Gavin asks.

"No, well — yeah. That bothers me." Michael admits. "But, I meant about me taking Barb to the dance."

"Do you like her?" Gavin leaned his head to the side, eyeing Michael to watch how he reacts to the question. Michael's forehead creases slightly.

"Would it bother you if I did like her?"

"It doesn’t bother me that you’re taking her to the dance, I’m not going anyway." Gavin responded. "If you like Barbara, then good. You’d be the envy of all the students in the school. Male, female, whatever. Everyone loves her to pieces."

"Who couldn’t?" Michael remembered why he brought up the dance in the first place. "I know you’re not coming to the dance, since you’re grounded and all…but do you think you could come to our little after party at Barb’s place?"

"But I’m grounded so I can’t-"

"We’re going to have some drinks and maybe dance some more and stuff, play Mario Party, which I know you love."

"Michael, I’m grounded. I can’t go anywhere." Which was true, though he was sneaking out to crash the dance with Ryan anyway…but that was besides the point. Michel's offer was almost too tempting to give up though, but he had to.

"You snuck out to get cookies with Ryan the other day." Michael says.

"How do you know that?"

"Barbara texted me after you and Ryan left Sweetie’s."

"Oh…" _Damn it, Barb_. 

"If you can sneak out for Ryan, you can do it for your friends too right? So...please come?" Michael frowned, but not an angry one. The kind where your heart is on your sleeve and you really want someone to take it. Michael was shamelessly begging the Brit. Somewhere in Gavin’s chest hurt. The combination of desperately wanting to say yes, and desperately wanting to please Michael and the others was about to make Gavin give in. Especially since he and Michael had previously set aside their differences. He didn’t want this to make them fall out again. 

"Michael…I can’t." Gavin tried to say the words in a way that would make Michael understand that it wasn’t anything personal. The Brit flenched, expecting the worst to come from Michael. But, Michael didn’t look angry at all.

"I understand." Michael smiled softly. It was obvious that he was extraordinarily disappointed. But…he did look like he understood. 

"Really?" Gavin’s eyes widened. 

"Yeah," Michael pat Gavin on the back. "You’re my boi,"

"Michael!" Gavin chirped, moving forward to hug Michael. A few heads turned at the sound of Gavin squeaking and the chair scuffing across the floor. 

"Would you chill out?" Michael went rouge, patting Gavin on the back even though he really wanted to hug him back just as hard. 

"Sorry," Gavin couldn’t stop smiling and he didn't let go of his boi. He wanted so badly to tell Michael the truth about what he planned to do the night of the dance. But, for now, that was he and Ryan’s secret and he wasn’t going to spread it around. Something about only himself and Ryan knowing made his heart flutter. Besides, the less people who know, the less people that could rat them out.

Thinking about Ryan again put the dopey grin came back to Gavin’s face as he let go of Michael. 

"You really need to fucking stop smiling like that." Michael chuckled.

Gavin glanced at the clock, it was almost lunch time and he wondered what Ryan was up to. 

 

_____________________________

 

Ryan liked the halls when they were empty. He didn’t mind them so much when they were crowded, it was more of an inconvenience if anything. His favorite thing about walking in the halls were times when he and Gavin would cross paths. Gavin would usually reach out to touch Ryan. Rather it was a brush to the arm or a pinch to Ryan’s ticklish sides, Gavin got him. Ryan was actually disappointed when he didn’t see Gavin in between classes. But, that kind of came with the territory of loving Gavin Free, in whichever way Ryan meant the word 'love'. 

This time however, Ryan was in the hallways alone. The hum of teacher’s and students voices was more present towards the classrooms. Away from them, near the gymnasium, It was nearly silent. It was actually really peaceful. Everyone was still in class while Ryan was roaming the halls. 

He’d gotten out of his previous class a bit earlier than usual, giving him enough time to grab a flyer for the Monster Bash and read the details about it on his way to lunch. He’d seen the flyer before via a picture message Gavin had sent to him, so he couldn’t really gather any more information from it. But, he’d assumed it was a good place as any to start looking for details about the dance. 

"I thought you weren’t going to the Monster Bash?" Ryan heard a voice behind him as he walked to the cafeteria early.

Ryan looked over his shoulder to see who was talking to him. It was Barbara. She jogged to catch up with the student, a smile on her face.

It’s impossible not to notice how pretty she is. She smells sugary and it reminds Ryan of Sweetie’s, where she works. 

Ryan feels a tiny bit nervous, more so intrigued and he wants to talk. But, again…the words are stuck.

"So…then you’re coming to the dance?" Barbara asked pointing the the flyer in his hand. "Is Gav coming too?"

Ryan looked ahead, and he didn’t stop walking. He feared that if he stopped, Barbara would continue to try and have a conversation with him.

"Look, I know you don’t like to talk, but could you hold on for a minute?" Barbara’s voice sounded pleading. "I…have a few things to say, you don’t have to say anything back."

Ryan stopped walking and Barbara came to stand in front of him. She took a deep breath, Ryan could tell she was nervous to talk to him. _She’s nervous to talk to **me**?_

"So, just…nod or something if the answer is yes, ok? Shake your head or do nothing if no." Barbara instructed, Ryan nodded reflexively, but he didn’t even want to do that. He felt embarrassed. He wanted so badly to just feel normal, and to be able to respond the way Gavin does. The way everyone here does.

Ryan debated turning and running to relieve himself of this guilty feeling, but he remembered what Gavin had said. He shouldn’t feel like he had to answer, it’d just make things worse. And, Barb had said nodding and stuff would be fine if he couldn’t talk.

"Are you coming to the dance?" She asked.

Ryan gathered a bit more willpower and he shook his head. 

"Is Gavin?"

Ryan shook his head again. 

"Are you looking at the flyer because you’re curious?"

Ryan looked down at the paper in his hands then back up at Barbara. It must’ve looked odd for him to be reading a flyer after already having Gavin announce that the two weren’t going. But, Ryan nodded. He _was_ curious after all, it wasn’t lying. 

"I’m on the dance committee, I could tell you all about it, if you want." Barbara offered. 

_What luck!_ Ryan restricted himself from smiling. He didn’t use to have the constant urge to express his emotions on his face before Gavin. _God damn it, Gavin_. 

Ryan thought about Barbara’s offer, and he wondered what she could tell him about the dance. Whatever she could tell him, it’d be useful information for the heist plan. So, after deciding to pretend that he was an undercover gangster, spying on the enemy, Ryan nodded. 

Barbara began explaining things, only stopping to add: “It’s a shame that you’re not joining us at the dance, we'd love to have you and Gav.” before leading Ryan towards the gymnasium to show him when and where things are happening. Ryan couldn’t wait to tell Gavin all of the information he’s going to gather. For now, he simply sent a quick text. 

 

> Ryan: Barb is on the dance committee and she’s showing me in detail all the stuff, fucking jaaack pot
> 
> Gavin: That’s great Ry! See you soon @ lunch :)

_____________________________

 

Gavin was nervous and kind of excited to be eating lunch with all of his friends, with Ryan included this time. It was kind of like the first time they met again, only…hopefully this time Ryan won’t go storming off. 

Suddenly, Gavin felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up to see Geoff.

"Hey, bud." Geoff grinned his sleepy smile. 

"Geoffrey," Gavin greeted him. 

"Waiting for everyone?"

"Yeah, where are we sitting?" Gavin asked.

"Ryan’s table." Geoff began heading towards the food line, Gavin followed. "You could’ve stayed by the door…if you wanted, I dunno."

"I was hoping to chat with you."

"I actually wanted to talk to you too," Geoff admitted. "But you go first."

"No, you." 

"Fine," Geoff handed Gavin a tray and took one for himself. "So did Ryan's appointment go well?"

"God, no." Gavin scoffed at the question. "His appointment went the opposite of well." 

"Is…he gonna be ok? Is he sick or something?"

"It wasn’t like a doctor, doctor."

"Therapist?"

"Um," Gavin reddened. "I don’t know if he’d be comfortable with me telling you."

"Then don’t, I’m not trying to start trouble." Geoff shook his head. "I’m just glad he’s alright." 

"Thanks."

"No problem." Geoff nodded. "However, that’s not really why I brought up Ryan. I mean, I’m thrilled that he’s fine, but I wanted to ask you about him."

"What about him?"

"How do you feel about him?"

"G-Geoff…"

"I mean is he important to you?"

"What is this all about?" Gavin asked, picking up food and putting it on his tray. 

"My project."

"Oh, your big senior final one?"

"Yeah," Geoff confirmed. "I have to explain why people are important to each other in a creative way. I’m making a video and I wanted to know if I could interview you two."

"Is it a video?" 

"Not everyone's, but mine is. Documentary styled."

"To be honest…I don’t really feel comfortable talking about personal things on camera…" Gavin frowned apologetically. 

"Oh…"

"But, Ryan might." Gavin offered. "I know he doesn’t talk much, but he’s really good at explaining how he feels, if you let him."

"I’ll ask him, see what he thinks." Geoff appreciated Gavin’s suggestion. "Thanks, bud."

"Yup."

"If you change your mind about being in the video yourself, lemme know."

"I will."

~*~

 

Everyone at the table ate in silence. Ryan knew it was because he was there, and he felt like combusting into a million little pieces. Griffon was the first to break the silence. 

"So," Griffon speared a ring of cucumber onto her fork. "Geoff, how’s your solo project going?"

"Fucking great, how’s yours?" Geoff asked.

"It’s coming along nicely. I have to interview some athletes at the end of next week." Griffon watched as Geoff flinched a bit. 

"Well, I’ve got Gavin and Ryan onboard so far." Geoff stated, Ryan’s head picked up from the hands in his lap. 

Between his own hands, Gavin had woven in one of his. Ryan had taken to playing Gavin hand to keep his mind off of how nervous he was. He’d been tracing the shape of Gavin’s fingers, feeling the curves of his knuckles. Running his finger nail against the pads of Gavin’s fingertips. Ryan found that doing this tickled Gavin. What a strange place to be ticklish. Ryan was trying not to laugh at the way it made Gavin fidget.  

Apart from eating his food and focusing on Gavin's hand, Ryan had also been listening to everyone’s conversation. When he heard what Geoff had said, he automatically gave a surprised response. 

"Huh?" Ryan rose a brow. It was barely a ‘word’ but he’d made his presence less of a silent one. Everyone turned to look at him. 

"I asked Gavin if you could help out with my final project. Gav said you might be interested." Geoff explained. Ryan looked at Gavin, who sat on his right side. Gavin tightened his grip on Ryan’s hand. 

"Is that alright?" Gavin asked. Ryan wanted to respond to Gavin, he could do that. He was good at responding to Gavin. But he was too embarrassed to talk to Gavin in front of the others. _What if they thought that I was just choosing not to talk to the rest of them on purpose? What if they get mad at me?_ He wondered. 

To Gavin’s question, Ryan simply nodded. 

"Good," Gavin smiled. 

"Awesome, thanks Ryan!" Geoff beamed. Ryan was shocked to see how Geoff reacted. He’d looked like he was excited. Ryan had made him that happy? Ryan wondered what the project was about. Maybe Gavin knew, and would tell him later. 

"Oh," Michael began. "I asked Gavin to come to our after party."

"What’d he say?" Jack directed his question to Michael, Gavin scoffed. 

"I’m right here you know…?" Gavin waved his hand. "I can answer for myself."

"Well, go on then." Jack laughed.

"I told Michael that I couldn’t because I’m grounded." Gavin gives the sad news. 

"Awww…" The whole table groaned. They all knew that Gav was grounded, word had passed around quickly between the group. Still, they were hoping that maybe talking to Michael could change his mind. It had not. 

"Since Gavin has already set the ‘let down’ mood, I’ll also admit that I’m not going to the after party either." Ray announced. 

"What?!" Every chorused, besides Gavin and Ryan of course. 

"Why the hell not?" Barbara looked over Michael’s shoulder. It was funny, because she usually sat next to Ray, ever since they were small children. However, now she was sat in between Ray and Michael. Ray noticed, Michael didn’t. She obviously wanted to be closer to the redhead. 

"I don’t drink." Ray says. "Also, if I’m going with Jessie to the dance, I want to be responsible with her."

"Ray," Michael groaned. "I really wanted you to be there."

"Sorry, no can do." Ray shrugged. "But, hey Gav?"

"Yeah?" Gavin looked at Ray, who was sitting directly across from him. 

"Since you’ll be home too, wanna play on Xbox Live? We could do some Minecraft or something." Ray offered. Gavin panicked a bit. 

"Uh, I can’t." Gavin said quickly, slurring the words together. Everyone became suspicious. 

"Well…why not?" Ray asked. 

"I’m grounded, no games." Gavin thought quick on his feet. 

"Not true," Geoff pointed. "You were on Live last night, about 8pm. I saw you sign on to play Skyrim."

"Oh…" Gavin looked at Ryan who shrugged. _No help from you then, Ry_. 

"Spill it." Griffon smirked. "What are you doing the night of the dance?"

"Don’t lie to us, Gav." Jack folded his arms. Ryan sat silently, watching it all go down while he ate his lunch. 

"I’m…" Gavin tried harder and harder to think of something quickly. Ryan swallowed his bite and then spoke up. 

"Gav and I are going on a date." Ryan says, clear as day. 

"WHAT?!" The table shouted, Gavin included. 

"Date." Ryan repeated, the corners of his mouth twitched. 

"What, what, whaaaat?!" Ray’s eyes widened. 

"I knew it!" Michael gasps. 

"No we’re not!" Gavin shook his head. 

"Why not?" Ryan asked, completely forgetting everyone else was there. He focused on Gavin so he could talk to him like normal. 

"It’s not a date! We’re just going to…hang out." Gavin blushed. 

"Hm, you’re right. I was just trying to help." Ryan squeezed Gavin’s hand that was still in his lap. 

"Like hell you bloody were, you were trying to stir up trouble. I saw your mouth twitch, you bastard." Gavin leaned over and nuzzled his face into Ryan’s shoulder. He froze when he realized eyes were on them. Six pairs of wide eyes. 

"So we've got some PDA?" Ray teased.

"Wow…" Michael spoke next.

"Yeah." Griffon nodded in agreement to Michael’s statement. 

"You fuckers are so going on a date!" Geoff pointed, a grin on his face. 

"So romantic! Sneaking out together to have a night all on their own!" Barbara squeed. 

"Did you see the way Ryan talked to him, though?" Jack asked the group. "He saved all of his words for Gavvy-Wavvy only."

"Awwwww!" The table chorused. Ryan was amused by all of this, especially since it seemed to really ruffle Gavin’s feathers. The Brit sat flustered and extremely rouge. 

"Ryan, have you always liked guys?" Ray asked, curious. 

"Huh?" Ryan was confused by the question.

"Well, are you gay?" Ray tried to ask a different way. "For example, I like girls and boys. But some people just like one gender. Do you know which you like? Not that it matters at all, I’m just curious."

"Um…" Ryan looked at Gavin. "I never…thought of it like that. I never cared about Gavin’s gender…or anyone’s. I have never really liked anyone else, I already told Gavin that. But  as far I’m concerned, I just want to be with Gavin. No one else." Those words came out easily, Ryan felt more like he was talking to Gavin than answering Ray’s question.

"Awwww, fuck dude." Geoff held his hands to his cheeks. "They’re fucking in love."

"Ryan…" Gavin took his hand from the older student’s, using it to push back his bangs. "I never really thought of gender before either. We’re the same."

"Good, I like being the same as you." Ryan stood up from the table suddenly. "I’ll see you all later."

"What?" Gavin asked. "Where are you going?"

"Class."

"It’s early, are you ok?" Gavin went to rise too but Ryan shook his head. 

"Stay and talk to them, I’ll see you later." Ryan says. "I promise I’m alright."

"Well…ok." Gavin frowned taking his seat. "Are you sure?" 

"I'm sure." Ryan nods. "We need to talk later." Ryan adds before walking away.

_____________________________

The rest of the day, Gavin was nervous about what Ryan might want to talk about. When the bell finally rang and he left the school building to wait for Ryan on the stairs, he felt like he could finally breathe a bit better. He took a deep breath and sighed as he sat. 

Barbara, Michael and Ray each pat Gavin’s head as they passed him, going down the steps to head to one of their houses, probably to game. Jack waved as he passed by in his truck. He drove in the direction of Main Street, he was probably going to work. The next ones to arrive were Geoff and Griffon. They were holding hands, clearly getting along better after their disagreement about the projects. 

"Hey, bud." Geoff and Griffon stopped in front of the Brit. 

"Hello!" Gavin smiled up at them. 

"We just wanted to say that-" Geoff started but Griffon cut him off. 

"We’re very happy for you." Griffon squeed. "For you and Ryan." 

"For…me and Ryan?" 

"Yes!" Griffon smiled. "It’s so amazing to see you’re moving on from that asshole."

"Does Ryan know about him?" Geoff leaned his head to the side. 

"No." Gavin shook his head. "Every time I’m with Ryan, I never think about him. I’ve never brought him up."

"I feel like you should tell Ryan." Griffon shrugged. "It’s your choice of course."

"I know." Gavin nodded. "I will…I just want him to understand a few things first."

"I can imagine." Griffon rolled her eyes. "I wish that there were some things that this one had understood before we started dating." She pulled on Geoff’s ear lobe. 

"Ow, fuck." Geoff brushed her hand away from his ear. "Anyway, stay out of trouble. Practice safe sex. Don’t get him pregnant. All of those things." 

"G-Geoff…!" Gavin’s eyes went big. "We’re barely ready to be in a romantic relationship! I’m not even thinking of sex! Not for a long time!"

"He’s just teasing." Griffon assured Gavin. "But…it wouldn’t hurt to-"

"Oh, hey Ry!" Gavin stood up and waved when he saw him approaching. 

Ryan walked casually over to Gavin. The Brit was so unused to Ryan not smiling, he barely smiled at school, and only when they were alone. Gavin knew that it wasn’t Ryan’s fault, but he missed his smile so much. 

"Well, we’ve got things to do." Gavin says to Geoff and Griffon. 

"Yeah, us too." Geoff smirked, holding onto Griffon’s waist tightly. The female blushed and looked away. 

"Gross. No wonder you’ve got shagging on the brain." Gavin stuck out his tongue. "Bye, guys."

"Bye." The couple waved and headed off of the school’s campus. 

Gavin turned to Ryan. 

"Ready to go?" Gavin asked. Ryan nodded. "Can I hold your hand?"

"Why are you asking?" Ryan reached down to lace their fingers together. 

"I just feel odd right now." Gavin sighed. "I’m sorry."

"I understand," Ryan swung their hands to and fro. "Shouldn’t you call your dad and give him an excuse as to why you’ll be late?"

"I’ll text him, I really don’t want to hear his voice."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." 

"Alright."

 

> Gavin: Dad, I’m going to be a couple hours late. Maybe less.
> 
> Dad: I said come straight home. Every day. 
> 
> Gavin: My friend Geoff is doing his senior project, I want to help. 
> 
> Dad: Go home.
> 
> Gavin: Dad please?
> 
> Dad: Are you lying to me?
> 
> Gavin: Dad, I honestly don’t want anymore trouble. I wouldn’t do that, just please let me help him. 
> 
> Dad: Two hours or less do you understand me?
> 
> Gavin: Thank you

_____________________________

Gavin held Ryan’s hand, just like last time as they walked through Downtown. He wasn’t really concerned about his father seeing him, the man was at work. So, Gavin got to enjoy the walk this time. He saw Ryan’s eyes staring down the road at Sweetie’s. Gavin promised him that they could go after. Also, along their walk, Ryan told Gavin everything that Barbara had explained about the dance. The conversation lulled to a stop as they entered the costume shop. Gavin’s eyes grew wide. There were masks, wigs, costumes, themed makeup (for zombies, vampires, you name it), and props. Everything you’d need for Halloween. 

"Whoa!" The younger teen exclaimed. "Look at all of this stuff!"

"Uh-huh." Ryan nodded, reaching out to touch a curly multicolored wig. "They have literally everything."

"Are you sure we can’t get costumes from here?" Gavin pouted. 

"How much money do you have?" Ryan folded his arms. 

"Enough for a mask." Gavin frowned. "And then something inexpensive from the thrift shop."

"Exactly." 

"Ugh, lame."

"The costume shop is expensive, Gav. Sorry." Ryan took Gavin’s hand and dragged him down the aisles towards the masks. Gavin watched as Ryan looked at each one they passed. The older let go of Gavin’s hand to feel the texture of one of the masks.  

"Are we allowed to try them on?"

Ryan responded to the question by putting the mask over his head, it was a bear one. It was a terrifying grizzly with ‘sharp’ teeth and an enraged expression on its face. 

"Ugh," Gavin cringed away from Ryan. "You look absolutely ghastly."

"GRRRRR!!" Ryan lunged forward and Gavin backed away. 

"Ryan!" Gavin squawked. 

"Hahaha," Ryan pulled the mask from his face. "You pick one."

"Um…" Gavin looked around. "Oh, how about this?"

Gavin put on a pig mask. Since the mask was rubbery in texture, the pig looked realistic, in a creepy way. 

"Oh, dude!" Ryan exclaimed as he reached for the same one. "It’s like we’re on the farm." He slipped it over his head and turned to Gavin. 

"Gah!" Gavin exclaimed. "Is that what I bloody look like?"

"Look in the mirror." Ryan took Gavin by the shoulders and turned him around. Gavin gasped when he saw the two of them in the strange masks. 

"My god, this is…" Gavin pulled the mask from his head. His frayed hair was even more disheveled now. "Ridiculous, just like I thought it would be."

"I’m having fun." Ryan commented, turning to look at more masks. 

"I am too, but where are the cute ones? These are all creepy." Gavin looked over his shoulder. "Ryan?" Gavin called when he turned to see that his friend wasn’t there anymore. "Where the bloody-" 

"Boo!" Ryan popped out behind a clothing rack with a creepy gorilla mask on. The mask was furry and just scary. The gorilla looked angry, like it would attack any minute if it was real. Gavin startled, and covered his mouth to keep from screaming loudly. Ryan began laughed wildly from behind the mask. 

"You little — Ryan!" Gavin sprung forward trapping the older boy with his arms around his neck gently. "The bloody hell is wrong with you, huh?"

Gavin looked into Ryan’s eyes, they were piercing blue in contrast with the dark charcoal color of the mask. Gavin swallowed when he realized just how close their faces were. Even with Ryan’s ridiculous mask on, Gavin could tell Ryan was still smiling from the way his eyes creased. 

Hesitantly, Gavin rose a hand to Ryan's mask, peeling the part covering his mouth up. Ryan’s lips looked soft and pink, warm. When Ryan’s mouth was exposed, Gavin leaned in slowly. Ryan had stopped breathing when he realized what was happening. He wished he could’ve thought of something better to do, like hold Gavin or something. But, he quickly ran out of time. 

Ryan expected Gavin’s lips to meet his, but Gavin didn’t do it. Instead, he ran his thumb over Ryan’s mouth. His lips were smooth, almost velvety with their subtle texture against the pad of his digit. Ryan’s lips part and Gavin feel’s his warm breath against his skin. It nearly frightens him and he takes his hand away. 

Ryan pulled the mask away from his face completely. His sky colored eyes looked into Gavin’s evergreen ones. 

"Did you, um…" Ryan leaned his head to the side and smiled softly. "Do you want to kiss me? Like the movies?"

"I thought about it."

"Yeah?"

"I don’t want to right now." Gavin laughed and removed his hand from Ryan’s cheek. "Let’s get our masks and get out of here," Gavin smiled. "Then we can grab our clothes from the thrift store, pick up a cookie, then I’ll go home."

"What masks should we get? There’s so many."

"How about we buy masks, and don’t show each other what we’ve got until the day of the dance?"

"Haha, alright. That sounds fun."

"You’ll have to keep them both at your house, I can’t come home with it. Incase my dad notices." Gavin says. "No peeking at my mask while it's with you." 

"Alright." Ryan pouts. 

"What’s wrong?"

"I just realized that I didn’t bring enough money to grab two dozen cookies again."

"Dear god, you don’t need that many anyway."

"They had sugar cookies at school today, I wanted to die."

"Those are good." Gavin protested. 

"Gavin Free: Defender of Sugar Cookies Everywhere." Ryan said in an ‘announcer voice’.

"What? They are good!"

"Nothing compares to Sweetie’s cookies." Ryan rolls his eyes. "Pardon, Sweetie’s _chocolate chip_ cookies."

"Piss off, don’t be biased."

"So you’re trying to say school cookies are better?"

"No…well…fine, you’re right Sweetie’s is best." Gavin began walking away. "You can stay here and pout, I’m gonna go grab my mask."

"I’m gonna grab mine too, and then cookies." Ryan turned the opposite direction towards the ‘scarier’ masks. 

"Oh, Ry…" Gavin says. The boys turned back to face each other. 

"Hm?"

"Earlier at lunch, you said you had something to talk to me about…"

"Yeah, after cookies."

"But-"

"Not buts, after cookies." Ryan continued his walk down the aisle. 

_____________________________

 

After buying their ‘fancy’ clothing at the thrift store, Ryan teetered with exicitement when his warm chocolate chip cookie was handed to him at Sweetie’s. He almost wanted to cry. 

"Yes," Ryan commented as he took a bite, moaning as he did so. "So much yes in one cookie."

"You’re so silly." Gavin bit into his as well. He couldn’t help but give a pleased moan as well. "What the hell do they do to these cookies to make them so-"

"Climax inducing." Ryan states.

"Um, yeah, climax inducing…"

As they begin the walk back to Gavin’s house, the Brit begins to think about what Ryan possibly wanted to talk about. 

"Ry,"

"Hm?" Ryan licks chocolate from his lips.

"So, about what you wanted to discuss…?" 

Ryan held the door for Gavin as they left the bakery. The weather outisde was sunny, a bit cloudy in some parts of the sky which had decided to stay kind of grey today. It wasn’t too cold though and Ryan was glad to be out of the school building again. He was also glad to be here with Gavin.

Gavin was nervous though. Ryan was so serious at lunch, when he said they needed to talk. He just hoped everything was alright.

"What did you want to talk about, Ryan?" The Brit asked. Ryan swallowed his bite of cookie and cleared his throat.

"So, I know…you say I’m not ready and that I don’t understand." Ryan began, keeping their mallasses slow pace as they walked. "Those things might be true, but I don’t care."

"Ryan…"

"All I know, is that I want to be with you." 

"But…we can’t." Gavin watched his feet as they walked. He watched the way his steps were in time with Ryan’s. He watched the way the older parts of the sidewalk cracked. He wished he could slip through the cracks right then because he knew whatever Ryan was about to ask would be hard to answer.

"Why do I have a feeling that this just isn’t about me anymore?" Ryan’s tone was heavier than usual, even though the seriousness of the question was underplayed as the boy nibbled on his cookie. 

"What?"

"Are you not ready?" 

"I’m…" Gavin avoided Ryan’s eyes for a moment but faced him fter a deep breath. "To be honest, I’m scared."

"Of what?" Ryan looked a bit hurt. "You’re scared of me?"

"Not of you." Gavin shook his head. "Let’s not get into it."

"What?!" Ryan opened his arms as if to motion to the bubble that they indeed are ‘in’. "We’re already into it!"

"Ry-"

"We’ve been ‘into it’ since the day we met!"

"Please." Gavin stopped walking bringing his cookie to his mouth to take his last bite. He crumpled up the wrapper and pushed it into his pocket. 

"Please what?" Ryan did the same with his empty wrapper.

"I don’t know." Gavin shrugged. "Can I just have a hug?

"You don’t have to ask me for these things." Ryan opened his arms again, this time to reiceve Gavin like a present. Gavin wrapped his arms around Ryan’s waist and held on tightly.

"We don’t have to a label ourselves as anything, if that scares you. You don’t have to call me your boyfriend." Ryan offers. "Just let me be with you."

"I…I don’t know."

"Can we please at least try that? Just try being mine for a little while." Ryan hummed. Gavin already felt like he was Ryan's, he didn't say it though. "But…"

"But what?"

"Don’t treat me like I can’t understand things." Ryan requests in a firm tone.

"What do you mean?"

"Don’t say ‘not yet’ anymore."  

"Ok, I think I get it."

"Like, you don’t have to _do_ the thing that you feel I’m not ready for. But, don’t just leave me hanging, either."

"Oh, so you want me to explain the things to you instead of just cutting you off from it?"

"Yeah."

"Ok." Gavin agrees to the condition.

"Then maybe I’ll understand better."

"I don't know why I wasn't doing that to begin with." Gavin frowns. 

"We're learning." Ryan smiles.

"I know we are." Gavin sighs. "I just…this is all happening so quickly." Gavin pressed his face into Ryan’s chest so that his voice was muffled. "The last time things moved too quickly, everything got fucked up."

"How do we slow down?"

"We can’t. We haven’t got any bloody brakes." Gavin sighed. "We’re just going to have to hold on tight."

"So will you be with me?" Ryan murmured, kissing the top of Gavin’s head. Gavin loved when Ryan kissed him. Even if it wasn’t on the lips, it was still very intimate. Gavin loved the way that Ryan never did this to anyone, only him.

"Can I think about it?" Gavin asked.

"Think about what?"

"My answer…rather or not I’m ready to be with you."

"I guess." Ryan smiled into Gavin’s hair. "I’d rather you tell me now."

"I can’t."

"You can think about it."


	16. Like I'm Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Well," Ryan hums. "If I give you a kiss…"
> 
> "Yeah?"
> 
> "Only take it if you like it."
> 
> "Shut up, Ryan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello...HELLO!
> 
> Hello!  
> Sorry, I'm so excited about this chapter! Go read it!  
> Why are you reading this?? This isn't the exciting part...
> 
> Well, for me it is. Because I have to...HAVE TO thank Becky.  
> Becky, hi Becky! Becky I love you!
> 
> She helped me to the moon and back with this chapter.  
> Literally, Becky is the ship carrying our last bit of hope for humanity!  
> Well, my last bit of hope. 
> 
> Ok. Ok, I'll calm down.  
> Um...! Alright, this note is literally just me fangirling over Becky's Beta expertise. 
> 
> Thanks to all of you for your support, and I'm so happy to be continuing on with this chapter.  
> Please, please, PLEASE tell me what you think?
> 
> I love you all,  
> thanks again, Becky!
> 
> And As Always,  
> Thank you all so much for reading, being supportive and amazing!  
> ~ThatMavin

"I’ll see you at school tomorrow." Ryan shrugs, standing in front of Gavin. 

"Yeah." Gavin nods. Not quite ready to go into the house. He was content just standing here at the backdoor with Ryan. They hadn’t been talking much, but just being near Ryan was comforting. Gavin wasn’t sure why, but he knew once Ryan was out of sight, he’d have to give in to the nagging feeling in his chest. "Can I call you tonight?"

"Um…not unless you have to."

"What does that mean?"

"I kind of…want to be left alone." Ryan says and Gavin feels his heart twist in his chest like Ryan was wringing it out. Ryan saw the pained look on Gavin’s face. "Gavin…"

"Because I didn’t say I wanted to be with you?"

"No."

"You’ve never wanted to be apart from me before."

"I’m an introvert…I like to be alone.” Ryan explains. “I feel like I’ll be able to think better about this when I’m alone too. It’s not really you."

"But I feel like it is."

“Gavin I don’t want to be away from you…like that. It’s not that I want to rid myself of you. I’d never want to do that.” Ryan watches Gavin shrug his shoulders in response. “We’ve been immersed in each other day in and day out for the past month. Even married couples need time apart from each other.” Ryan frowns. “I’m just asking for a night to think.”

"But-"

"Based on the way you’re acting, I think you need a night to wrap your head around things too."

"I guess…but, Ry?"

"Hm?"

"Promise me that you’re not upset with me."

"I promise that I’m not upset with you."

"Look me in the eyes and say it." Gavin pleas. 

Ryan’s blue eyes flicker up to meet Gavin’s. The older male smiles like Gavin is the only person in the world.

"What?" Gavin asks. 

Ryan swung the bag in his hand that contained their Halloween dance attire. 

"Nothing," Ryan shrugs. "I just like you a lot."

"Then promise me you’re not upset with me."

"I promise that I’m not upset with you."

"Thank you, Ry." Gavin sighs. "I’ll guess I’ll leave you alone for tonight."

"Thanks, Gav." Ryan nods. "If I need anything, I’ll call. Ok?"

"Uh-huh." 

“If you need anything, you can call me too.”

“Yup.”

"So…I’m gonna head home now."  Ryan announces. 

"Ok." Gavin’s quick replies make it apparent that he’s trying to distance himself.

"Gavin, look at me." Ryan begs, but Gavin keeps his eyes on the ground. "What can I do to make you feel better?"

"Don’t worry about it."

"What’s the matter?"

"I already told you, I feel like I messed us up or something."

"But you didn’t…"

"Then why do I feel like we’re not the same as we used to be right now?"

"Something inside you is telling you that something is wrong. Because, it’s not me. I’m standing here telling you that everything is alright."

"Ugh, you’re always right."

"I’m not." Ryan shakes his head. 

"Shut up, Ryan. You are. Always." 

"Do you feel better now?"

"No."

"What can I do?"

"Nothing, go home since you want to so badly. Since you want to be alone. Since you don’t want to talk to me."

"It’s not like that."

"Sure it’s not."

Ryan let the bag in his hand drop to the grass, he also shrugs the backpack off of his shoulders.

"What are you doing?" Gavin watches Ryan rid of all of the items he’s carrying.

Ryan doesn’t answer, not because he doesn’t want to or because he cant. But, his words aren’t going to convince Gavin that everything is alright. He wants to try another way. 

Gavin’s eyes stay on Ryan as he closes the space between the two of them. Without warning, Ryan laces his fingers around the back of Gavin’s neck. His thumbs brush over Gavin’s earlobes as he uses his hands to pull Gavin toward himself. The younger male’s eyes dive down to Ryan’s lips.

"Ryan," Gavin murmurs. "You don’t have to do this."

"I want to," Ryan whispers, lips brushing Gavin’s as he speaks. "But…"

"Hm?" Gavin’s legs stutter in anticipation for the contact. But, Gavin freezes as Ryan moves away. The brush of their lips wasn’t really a kiss and it left Gavin disappointed and desperate for the real deal. "Ryan…why didn’t you do it?"

"You’re not ready."

"Huh?" Gavin frowned. "What the hell?"

"Doesn’t feel good, does it?" Ryan found himself more bitter than he thought he was.

"What does that mean? What the fuck are you doing right now, Ryan?" 

"I want to be with you so badly! I feel so…conflicted right now." Ryan admits. "I want to let you take your time and figure things out. I know that you’re dealing with something heavy, I respect that."

"Are you trying to say that you’re getting impatient with me? **_You_** are getting impatient with _**me**_?"

"I don’t mean it in a rude way…"

"Oh well thank bloody fuck for that!" Gavin rose his voice along with a sarcastic tone. "Ryan do you know how patient I’ve been with you?"

"I appreciate it."

"Oh my goodness, what a relief." Gavin’s tone remains sarcastic. 

"Why are you being a dick?"

"What do you want from me, Ryan?"

"I want you to be with me." Ryan’s face is frowned in mostly confusion, and a bunch of emotions he doesn’t know how to deal with. 

"Well, I told you I’d think about it."

"Ok, here’s the truth. I feel frustrated, not just because I don’t want to wait to be with you."

"Then tell me what’s going on because I don’t want to argue with you anymore." Gavin shakes his head. "I hate it."

"I’m upset about two things." Ryan begins. "The first thing, I really want to know what’s on your mind. I have a feeling it’s about what the guy you liked took from you."

"It is." Gavin confirms. 

"Well I want to know what he took because it really seems to be bothering you."

"What’s the other thing that’s upsetting you?"

"Fuck, Gavin. Will you tell me the first thing?"

"Tell me the second one and I’ll see."

"Whatever," Ryan rolls his eyes. "The second thing is that I’m pissed off about us."

"About us?" Gavin raises a brow. "What?"

"I feel like being ‘romantic’ or whatever the hell we are," Ryan shrugs. "I feel like these new feelings are complicating the fuck out of us, and I wish I could take them all back."

"It’s too late for that. As you stated earlier," Gavin opens his arms like Ryan had before, motioning to the bubble that they’re in. "We’re already in this, have been for a while."

"What if this is wrong and we shouldn’t even be in this shit?"

"Well then…it won’t work out and I’ll hope that we can still be friends because you’re the most important person to me." Gavin looks at Ryan, biting his lip to keep from saying things he’ll regret. 

"Gavin," Ryan runs his hands through his hair. "This all got so serious so fast and I don’t know how I feel right now."

"Isn’t that why you wanted me to leave you alone for the night? So you could figure shit out?"

"Yeah." Ryan nodded. "Gavin?"

"Hm?"

"Do you…still love me?" Ryan asks. "Or are we fucked? Is this whole thing fucked right now or-"

"It’s healthy to argue." Gavin steps forward and wraps his arms around Ryan’s neck and looking in the older’s eyes. "I still love you, and I still want to be your Boy of Light and I still want you to send me pictures of you smiling, and I want you to fatten me up with chocolate chip cookies from Sweetie’s…I still want all of that."

"I want that too…" Ryan sighs. "Sorry for getting mad. This is all so new to me."

"It’s ok, I’m sorry too." Gavin feels Ryan’s arms encircle his body. 

"I want this." Ryan whispers. 

"I do too." Gavin holds Ryan tighter. "Hey?"

"Yeah?"

"Were you going to kiss me before?" Gavin smiles. "Like the movies?"

"No."

"You weren’t going to kiss me?"

"I was," Ryan nods. "But not like the movies."

"Then how?"

"I was going to kiss you like you were falling and it was the only way to catch you."

_____________________________ 

Even though it wasn’t really a kiss, it was nothing like the movies. Ryan thought about that his whole way back from Gavin’s house. The movies didn’t tell Ryan that when he went to kiss Gavin, that Gavin would feel warm and so real. That Gavin’s energy would super charge it’s way into Ryan and set his heart at a fast pace. Or that Gavin would be gently shaking under his touch. The movies didn’t say that the air would smell slightly of atmosphere because it was cloudy enough to bring rain during Ryan’s walk home. 

It was just a light drizzle falling as he walked up the front steps of the farm house. As he entered the farm house, Ryan was met with warmth and the smell of freshly baked bread. He couldn’t remember Mimi ever making bread before. She shouldn’t really be up slaving around a hot stove anyway, it wouldn’t be good for her condition.  

"Mimi, I’m home!" Ryan announced as he entered the farm house. 

"Welcome back, Ryan." Mimi spoke from the kitchen, she was making a pot of tea. As Ryan entered the room, she turned to look at him.

"Did you bake something?" Ryan asks, hanging his keys up on the coat hook.

"The nice farmworkers made dinner so you don’t have to." Mimi explains. "I couldn’t wait until you got back, I tried the bread. Have you ever had fresh bread? It’s delicious!"

"I dunno, Mimi…I would’ve rather cooked though. I feel bad for not being here this morning." 

"You were with Gavin, I don’t mind. I should get used to it, you’ll be with him often I’m sure." Mimi smiles. "Speaking of Gavin, I kind of expected to see him walking in with you this afternoon. We certainly have enough food for him. Call him and invite him to dinner."

"I just dropped him off at his house…I told him that I kind of want to be alone." Ryan looked down. 

"Why’s that?" Mimi turned to look at him. Ryan kept his gaze at the floor to avoid her eyes. "Ryan…"

"I just really need to think about things." 

"Understandable."

"I almost kissed him." 

"Last night?" Mimi asks.

"No, just…when I dropped him off at home."

"Why didn’t you?" 

"Mimi…?" Ryan felt the pressure begin to build up in his chest, the pressure that sealed all of his words up. It was then that he realized that he’d been having a fine time talking to Mimi. He didn’t want it to end.

"Yes?"

"What-" The words got stuck. Ryan grimaced at himself. Disgusted with his own brain. _Why can’t I control myself?_

"Are you alright?"

"What do people take from each other?" Ryan feels some of the pressure relieved as the words leave his lips. He takes a deep breath.

"I don’t know what you mean." Mimi turned the fire underneath the teapot off as it begins whistling. "Can you explain it to me?"

"I…" Ryan chewed his lip. "Gavin said that this guy he used to like…he took something from him."

"Like he stole something?"

"I’m not sure…" Ryan’s voice sounded strained, Mimi tried not to look so concerned. "Gavin…it seemed like it was something personal." 

"Well did you ask him what it was?"

"He said he’d tell me when he was ready."

"Then, you’ll have to wait." Mimi says. "Gavin trusts you, and he’s asking for your patience. Relationships take patience."

"He’s not my boyfriend yet."

"Even friendships, family members, anyone. Loving anyone requires patience."

"Are you patient with me?" Ryan looks up at his grandmother. 

"When you first arrived, you wouldn’t say a single word. You avoided even being in the same room as me." Mimi sighs. "I had to be very patient. But, as the time went on you began saying one-worded sentences to me…and then more. After you met Gavin, you changed completely."

"Yeah…I did." Ryan isn’t so sure it’s a good thing anymore.

"I mean, we’re having an actual conversation and just the other day, you smiled at me." Mimi looked at her grandson. “I think you’re going to have to be more patient with me now. I’m getting older everyday it seems.”

"I understand…"

"You seem upset now."

"Ever since…I started feeling this way for Gavin, I feel like things are more complicated."

"They are, they will be."

"Why?"

"There are, and will be lots of emotions involved. The more you feel for each other, the more entangled your lives will be. It’s a big change and you’re both going to have to work to make sure that the relationship is healthy for both of you. But, that part comes naturally if you treat each other well."

"Mimi…"

"The best thing you can do is keep communicating. It’s when that stops that everything gets messed up."

"This is too much." Ryan groaned. He rolled his eyes and began heading out of the kitchen.

"Wait." Mimi commanded, not in a condescending way. He froze in his tracks. "Can I ask one more thing?" The older woman walked slowly to him.  When Mimi was in front of him she studied his face, unable to meet his averted eyes. "Are you going to the Halloween dance?"

"Kind of." Ryan admitted. "With Gavin."

"What do you mean kind of?"

"We’re going, but we’d rather hang out on our own."

"Well…alright then."

"Why do you ask?"

"The farmworkers were talking about the dance earlier."

"Look." Ryan handed the bag to Mimi containing the Halloween attire. "We promised not to show each other our masks so I can’t watch. I’m going to go upstairs and get changed. Then I’ll come down and do my homework and have tea with you. We can eat dinner."

"That sounds great. Thank you, Ryan." Mimi took the bag. “I can’t wait to see the masks.”

 

_____________________________

 

Ray kind of wished that he was concerned about doing his homework. His parents had high expectations for him. Ray just wanted to have a high gamer score. Which he did. Higher than any kid in the school, and that was kind of all he cared about. 

"I just realized something." Ray spoke up, between murdering both Michael and Barbara’s characters in one shot. 

"Ugh, fuck!" Michael cursed loudly.

"What’d you realize?" Barbara asks. 

"I’m you guys’ third wheel now." Ray announces. "Also, I’m the only single one in our group."

"You’re not our third wheel!" Michael scolded Ray. "Me and Barb aren’t even going out!"

"Yet." Ray corrects. 

"You have Jessie." Barbara adds. 

"I guess…but we’re not official or anything. We haven’t even talked about dating, we agreed to go to the dance together but even that was lack luster." Ray sighs.

"The point is she said yes, and you guys are going to have fun together at the dance." Barbara pats Ray’s back.

"I just feel bad, like I don’t want to cramp you guys’ style if you’d rather be off somewhere making out or something." Ray sighs.

"Ray, if we wanted to make out we’d do it right in front of you." Michael laughs. "You’re our friend. And as our friend, if we wanna hang out with you, we’re gonna hang out with you." Michael explains. "And if we’re hanging out with you, and I wanna put my tongue in her mouth, I’ll do it right here with you. Cuz you’re my bro."

"Is that what friendship means nowadays?"

"Michael, we’re not even dating. You haven’t even kissed me once. Don’t let the first time be in front of Ray!" Barbara blushed hard. 

"What’s that? Our first kiss should be in front of Ray? Alright." Michael sat his controller down. Barbara’s eyes went wide and she curled herself into a ball, shrieking. Soon the two of them were giggling like school children and squirming all over each other. 

"This is fucking gross and I hate you both." Ray pretended to be far more annoyed than he actually was.

 

_____________________________

 

As Gavin stood at the chopping board, cutting the cucumber into thin slices, he got lost in thought and grazed his finger tip on the blade. 

"Bollocking bastard, damn it." He put down the knife and hid his face in his hands. "Get yourself together, Gavin." He scolded himself before stooping down the get the large bowl from the cupboard to put the salad in. He scooped all of the cucumber off of the cutting board and took it to the opposite counter where the chopped up veggies. 

"Gavin!" He heard two voices chorus. The twins had been doing their homework with their after school caretaker. She was a pleasant young woman in her twenties. His father was still at work, and would be for another hour and a half. 

"Hey guys," Gavin greeted them without turning.

"Can we help you with dinner?" Avery asked. "We finished our homework."

"No, I’ve got it this time." Gavin shook his head. 

"Are you ok?" Lilly asked. 

"I’m fine." 

"Then why won’t you look at us?" Avery frowned concerned. For eight years olds, they were really good at picking up on emotions. 

"It’s because Daddy won’t let you see your friends?" Lilly pulled on the hem of Gavin’s shirt. 

"…No." Gavin was honest. "It’s because, the guy that I like a lot…I want to be his boyfriend, but I feel scared."

"Why?" Lilly asks. 

"Last time I had a boyfriend, it didn’t end well." Gavin sighs. "You guys remember Dan?"

"Yeah." The twins nod.

"We were really good friends before all of that." Gavin says. "But now we barely talk."

"Talk to him then, you can still be friends right?" Avery shrugs. 

"I wish it was that easy…but, you know…I should talk to him." Gavin agrees. "I kind of feel like I need to officially decide where I stand with Dan. Then maybe I would feel better about taking on this next step with Ryan."

"His name is Ryan?" Lilly grins. "I bet he’s cute. I don’t know if there are any ugly Ryan’s in the world."

"I honestly wouldn’t care what he looks like, he is the best person in the world. Besides you guys." Gavin smirks. "But, he’s very cute I should say."

"When can we meet him?" Avery watches Gavin mix the salad together. 

"Soon, hopefully." Gavin thinks. "Maybe…next week sometime. He lives on a farm."

"Really? With animals?" Lilly’s eyes go wide.

"Yeah, maybe we can go help him take care of the animals. I did it before, it was fun." Gavin smiles. "But don’t tell Dad."

"Deal!" The kids beam.

"Don’t be sad anymore." Lilly wrapped her arms around Gavin’s waist. 

"Yeah, you have us!" Avery adds, hugging himself to Gavin’s other side. The older put down the bowl, dries his hands and turns to his younger siblings. He bent down and opened his arms, so he could hug them properly. 

"Thanks, guys." Gavin kissed their foreheads. "I’m really glad I have you guys."

"If Daddy makes you sad again like the other night, will you leave like Mum?" Lilly asks suddenly. Gavin’s heart sinks into his stomach from the weight of the question. His father made Gavin wish he could disappear sometimes…but never like that. Not how their mother had.

"What? No, I’d never do that to you guys." Gain shakes his head. 

"Are you sure?" Avery frowns. Gavin nodded. The twins didn’t look so convinced that Gavin was doing alright, and he hated to make them worry. So, he distracted them as best that he could. 

"Hey, let’s get cooking. If Dad stays at work late, we can eat in the living room while we watch cartoons!" Gavin said excitedly. 

"We aren’t allowed…" Avery commented. 

"Hey, if he’s not here, he won’t know." Gavin smiled. 

"Ok!" 

_____________________________

 

Gavin signed on to Skype, though he knew it was late where Dan was. If Gavin remembered Dan well, then he knew he’d would still be awake.

When Gavin went scrolling through his Skype contacts, Dan’s said that he was ‘idle’. Gavin wondered if he would even answer if he called. With a hesitant hand, he clicked into an IM with him. He was too nervous to start out with a video call. Swiftly, Gavin typed out a message. It was a simple one. 

 **Gavin** : Hey, you wanna chat? I kind of need to talk to you.

A few moment went by without a reply. The few moments turned into ten minutes and Gavin felt like giving up and closing the chat box, but he heard the notification and text appeared on the screen.

 

 **Dan** : Well, well, well. What do we have here?

 **Gavin** : This is important, I don’t want to turn this into something that it’s not.

 **Dan** : What is it then? You’re the one who messaged me, Gavin. 

 **Gavin** : I know…sorry. I just don’t want you to think this means something it doesn’t.

 **Dan** : You’re being super awkward right now…

 **Gavin** : Sorry

 **Dan** : Well, hey. Pop on cam, it might be less awkward like that.

 

Gavin ran his fingers through his hair and hummed nervously as he waited for Dan to call him. 

 

**Danino B Calling…**

 

As the call connected, Gavin watched Dan come into view. He smiled and waved at Gavin. Gavin tried not to fall for the natural puppy dog look Dan had. The younger male had brunette hair and just as brown eyes. With his bushy brows and soft looking cheeks, Gavin found it hard to be stern with him. But, Gavin didn’t smile back when Dan did.

"Look at you, lad." Dan grinned widely. "You’ve changed a bit. Look at your hair, my god."

"What about my hair?" Gavin ran his fingers through it again nervously. 

"You look hot."

"Ugh, I knew this would get sexual quickly." Gavin rolled his eyes. 

"It was just an observation." Dan assured him, pivoting in his chair. "I haven’t talked to you in a while, how are things in the US?"

"I’m glad you’re suddenly super interested in my life but you could’ve been talking to me all this time. I haven’t heard from you in months."

"Is it ever too late to talk to my best friend?" 

"Best friend?"

"Hey now, why are you being a prick, Gav?"

"Would you stop acting like you don’t know why? We broke up a year ago! And, you stopped talking to me completely afterwards." Gavin avoided looking at Dan. "Even after you said nothing would change, you said we could still be friends. I didn’t give you my virginity so you would take it and leave." 

"It wasn’t just sex! We didn’t break up for two months after the first time we shagged, and it wasn’t because I wanted to screw you and leave. It was because we weren’t working out." Dan states the facts as if they were valid, which Gavin knew they weren't. The blonde looked at the screen to see Dan toying with an object in his hands. Whenever Dan was nervous, he had to keep his hands busy.

"We weren’t working out because we barely spoke when we weren’t having sex!" 

"You didn’t contact me so we could fight. Would you calm down?" Dan changes the subject. "Why’d you wanna talk?"

"Why haven’t you talked to me for nearly five months? I haven’t heard from you since my going away party in May."

"I don’t know."

"Great."

"What the fuck do you want from me? I honestly don’t know." Dan hissed. "Do you want me to lie to you?"

"No."

"Then that’s the best I can give you. I don’t know why we haven’t talked. I haven’t actually thought about the ‘why’ part. Besides, after the last time we talked, you made it pretty clear that you were upset with me. I didn’t even think you’d want to talk after all of that." Dan threw up his hands. "So, would you just tell me what you want to talk about already?"

"About what happened with us…" Gavin shrugged. "The way things ended hurt me really badly. So much that, I’ve found someone that I want to be with, and I can’t because every time I think of being with him, I remember being with you."

"You’re blaming me for keeping you from shagging some other guy?"

"It’s not about sex you moron!" Gavin tried not to raise his voice too much. "I’m saying that because I still carry this fear from what you did to me, I can’t move on to be with him."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"I’m afraid that things are moving too quickly with him, and then things will fall apart and I’ll lose a good friend…like how I lost you." Gavin speaks slowly and clearly. "I don’t want to lose him. And if not being in a relationship with him is the only way not to lose him, then I’ll have to try and just be his friend."

"Gav…" Dan sighs. 

"What?"

"It sounds like you really care about this guy."

"I do." 

"Then just go for it." Dan shrugs. "Waiting around will only make him feel like you’re disinterested. If it was meant to be, then it will be."

"But-"

"Gavin, you didn’t lose me because you tried. You lost me because I stopped trying…so in reality…I lost you, and I’m sorry about that. You really were my best friend."

"I…" Gavin ran all of the things Dan said through his head. "Thanks, B."

"B?" Dan grinned. "How bloody long has it been since you’ve called me that?"

"Too damn long." Gavin finally  smiled at him. 

"There it is." Dan commented happily.

"Piss off." Gavin chuckled. 

"Hey, how’s Sam?" Dan rose a brow. 

"He’s fine, I haven’t talked to him for a while — well I did the other day, he called the house phone. Asked to speak to Dad, he didn’t even say hi to me." Gavin scratched his hair, Dan’s eyes focused on Gavin for a moment before he nodded. 

"And the kids?"

"Better than I am." Gavin smiled. "They’re so tough."

"That’s good."

"Dad’s been drinking a lot again, and being…pretty horrible to say it lightly. But, they’ve been managing pretty well. They stick together through these kinds of things. It must be nice to always have someone-"

"I used to always have you." Dan grinned softly and when Gavin sees the smile, he looks down. 

"Yeah…I have them, and…I have Ryan." 

"What’s the bloke like, anyway?" Dan folds his arms. "I keep hearing about him, but you’re not telling me anything useful." 

"Like what?"

"I mean, anything really." Dan shrugs. 

"He’s quiet, very contemplative." Gavin thinks. "Smart, bloody brilliant. Tall, nice body from all the farm work I guess."

"Farm? Like cows and stuff?"

"He lives on his family’s farm." Gavin nods. "Works there on the weekends."

"That’s hilarious." Dan shakes his head. "Leave it to you to travel to America and fall for an Old McDonald, how cliché of you, Gav. I expected better."

"Hey, I liked him before I knew he lived on a farm!" Gavin retorted. 

"Does he have a southern accent?" Dan gave a taunting smirk.

"No, actually. I don’t think so." Gavin shrugs. "He has a very southern way of acting though. The whole ‘southern sweetheart’ thing. He’s always trying to feed me and asking if I need anything."

"What the hell does he feed you? You make it sound so strange." 

"Chocolate chip cookies." 

"Oh, that sounds so good right now." Dan moans. 

"I know," Gavin laughs. "It’s like all he bloody eats."

"How’s he not fat?"

"Like I told you, farm work."

"I should go work on a farm then. Maybe you’ll find me attractive again."

"I knew it wouldn’t last long." Gavin rolled his eyes. 

"What’d I do?"

"Nothing." Gavin shakes his head. 

"Oh fuck, is it that late already?" Dan looks at the clock. "I’m not gonna get any sleep at this rate. I should go."

“‘What?” Gavin frowns. “Already?”

"Sorry, it’s late." Dan stretches. "Time zone."

"What time is it here then?" Gavin glances at the clock. "Hm, not too late. But I’ll let you go to bed."

"Thanks, talk to you again?" Dan asks.

"Only if you contact me first."

"Alright." Dan smiles. "What are you gonna do now?"

"Um…" Gavin glanced at the clock again. "I kind of want to go see Ryan."

"Then go see em, I guess."

"I will, I want to talk to him." Gavin declares. "I just…I don’t even know what I want to say to him. I imagine I will when I get there."

"Tell him what I told you." Dan offers. 

"And what was that?"

"If it’s meant to be, it will be." Dan shrugs. Gavin looks at him for a few moments longer before jumping up from his seat.

"You’re right! I’m gonna go see him now!" Gavin walks away from his desk to his bed and shrugs a hoodie over his head. 

"Wait! Before you go, you’ve gotta tell me about America!" Dan says, watching Gavin pass through the frame.

"I thought you were going to bed?"

"I was, but I forgot to ask about that!" 

"Well, it’s too late now!" Gavin stuffs a change of clothes into his backpack.

"Any new friends?" Dan asks.

"Yeah, quite a few actually." Gavin answers while he puts his school supplies into his backpack as well. 

"What are they like?"

"Funny, pretty laid back."

"Cool, cool." Dan nods. "Hey, are we friends again?"

"Dan, friendship is something made…and built upon." Gavin sits back at his his desk so he can speak to Dan ‘face to face’. "We can’t just talk for a half hour then deicide all is well, you know?"

"Oh…" Dan looks disappointed, then nods slowly. 

"It’s not a bad thing. I’m really happy to have spoken with you today, and I love that you seem to be eager to fix things. That means a lot, and it’s a step in the right direction."

"You’re right, B."

"We can talk about all of this later. I have to sneak out of my house right now." 

"Sneak out? You’re grounded?"

"Yup."

"For what?"

"Sneaking out…spending all night at Ryan’s. Same thing I’m about to do now." Gavin explains. 

"Well, you’re nuts. But, go get em, B."

"Thanks, B."

_____________________________

 

Ryan was sitting beside Mimi, they were watching an old black and white movie about a criminal pretending to be a normal guy and murdering all of the foolish people who fell for his charming personality. This made Ryan think about himself. What if he was playing an act this whole time? What if he was just putting on a show, being someone who could potentially have lots of friends? Maybe he’d fit in with Gavin’s friends for a while, and then fall apart like he normally does and end up hurting everyone. Like he’d done before. Would he be left with no one again? Would even Gavin have to turn his back?

Speaking of Gavin, Ryan felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. Upon taking it out of his pocket to look at it, he saw that he had 12% battery left, also that “Gavin :)” was calling him. 

"I’ll be back, Mimi." Ryan said getting up from the bed and walking out into the kitchen. "Hello?"

"Um, hey." Gavin responded.

"Hi." 

"Remember when you said I could only call if I needed something?" Gavin asks. 

"Yeah?"

"I need you." Gavin’s voice sounds a bit shaky in Ryan’s ear. Ryan isn’t sure how to respond, if he should even say anything. He doesn’t even know what that means. 

"I don’t understand."

"I need you, Ryan." Gavin repeats, this time, less shake in his voice.

"But-"

"Open the door."

"What?"

"Open t-"

"You’re here?" Ryan looks up towards the front of the house. Through the archway in the kitchen, Ryan can see the living room, and through there, the front door. There was indeed a shadowy figure standing on the other side of the door. 

"Yes, I’m here." Gavin confirms. "Can you come out here for a minute? Or can I come in?"

Ryan took the phone from his ear and hung up, putting it back in his pocket. With long strides, he approached the door. He unlocked it slowly, not sure what to expect to see once it was open. Not sure what might happen. 

Upon opening the door, he saw Gavin standing there with his face visibly pink in the porch light.  Ryan stood in the doorway looking at Gavin. The Brit smiled, flashing teeth. 

"Hi, Ry." He greeted the confused boy.

"What do you-" 

"Do you remember the first night we spent together?" Gavin searched Ryan’s blue eyes. Ryan leaned his head to the side, resting his temple against the doorframe that he was still stood in. 

"When we wrote letters to your mom and burned them at the pond." 

"Yeah," Gavin nodded. "But that day at school, do you remember that too?"

"We laid on the picnic tables together for the first time." 

"Yeah," Gavin smiled softly. "Do you remember why we did that?"

"Because you wanted to." Ryan shrugged. Gavin pressed his lips into a thin line and shook his head. 

"Not quite."

"Well it wasn’t my idea." 

"It’s not about the picnic tables, it’s not really what I’m getting at."

"Then…just tell me, instead of hinting at it." Ryan closes the door behind himself, stepping barefoot onto the wooden platform of the porch.

"Listen to me, I need you to focus." Gavin put his hands on Ryan’s shoulders. "I...this isn’t something that I can just come out and say, so bear with me here, ok?"

Ryan nodded. 

"That day, Ry…I asked you to stay with me. I wasn’t ready to go home."

"Uh-huh?"

"And…it wasn’t just because I wanted to hang out with you. It was because all of the stuff with my mum, and all of the stuff about my dad being so drunk I couldn’t take it." Gavin looked down. "It was because through all of that, I just wanted to be with you. I wanted to be somewhere I knew I would be happy, and somewhere I knew I would be safe and-"

"Then you called me, and you came over." Ryan finished. 

"Yeah, I did." Gavin looked up again. "But did you happen to catch what I just said?"

"That…you wanted to be with me then." Ryan chuckled and turned his face away from Gavin’s as it went rouge. "Because I would take care of you, and I’d protect you." Gavin watched as Ryan came undone a bit. Against his will, Ryan shuddered underneath Gavin’s hands that were still on his shoulders. 

"Ryan, I didn’t just want to be with you then." Gavin shakes Ryan’s shoulders gently. "I want to be with you now, too."

Ryan kept his face turned away from Gavin’s, so Gavin put a finger under Ryan’s chin to turn it towards his own. When Ryan turns back to him, his eyes indicated a feeling of betrayal. There are tears brimming his eyes and he looks…insulted? Gavin is confused.

"Are you ok?" Gavin asks gently, raising a brow.

"No, I thought…" Ryan shook his head. "I thought you were going to think about it."

"I did."

"But that quickly?" Ryan asks. "I don’t want you to spend five minutes thinking about it, make the decision and then fucking change your mind and break up with me because of some bullshit." He hisses. Gavin’s eyes widened. 

"I thought you’d be happy." Gavin steps back, letting go of Ryan’s shoulders. 

"I am." Ryan folds his arms, putting them up like a barrier. 

"Then why-"

"What made you change your mind?" 

"Oh," Gavin blushed. "I uh, talked to Dan."

"Who?" Ryan knit his brow together at the sound of a new name.

"My ex boyfriend, the guy I liked so much that took something from me…" Gavin explained. 

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Ryan was extremely curious about the whole situation surrounding Dan, especially about what he took from Gavin. But why'd Gavin go to his ex-thieving-boyfriend for guidance about _their_ relationship?

"Why did he change your mind?" Ryan asks. 

"He told me that if it’s meant to be then it will." Gavin says. "If that’s true, then it doesn’t matter if I agree to be with you today, tomorrow of fifty years from now. It’s going to happen."

Ryan studies Gavin’s face as the boy speaks. Trying to listen to every word, as if they each sounded like they’re coming from a different part of Gavin’s being. Ryan holds his arms tighter to his chest, as if keeping the ‘barrier’ up would make it easier to resist saying ‘yes’ to Gavin. 

"Tell me what he took from you." Ryan requests. Gavin knew the question was coming, but it still shakes him a bit when he hears it. He shifts his weight nervously. 

"My…" Gavin blushes hard, but if he’s going to get anywhere with Ryan, he has to keep up his end of the ‘honesty policy’. "My virginity."

The two males look at each other for a while, Ryan blinks a few times and then his eyebrows come together.

"Isn’t that more of an idea, than an actual thing?" Ryan asks. 

"What?"

"I mean, he didn’t actually _take_ something from you. Virginity is a human made idea, amongst many." Ryan explains. "If he actually took a part of you, then you wouldn’t be Gavin anymore. You’d be like 75% Gavin, and then a fraction of empty space. But you’re still all Gavin to me."

The Brit’s eyes shut tight and he wipes his hands over his face. 

"God, Ryan! You’re too ‘good’ sometimes."

"About what?" Ryan frowned defensively. "So what? You had sex!"

"That’s the thing though, Ryan! I had _sex_!"

"What’s the big deal though? Do you know how many people do it?" Ryan asks, then sticks his tongue out. "Eh, that’s actually kind of gross to think about. All those people just going at it and-"

"Ryan, please." Gavin stops him from continuing the thought. "What I’m trying to say is, yes I had sex. But not for the right reasons. And that’s what makes it not ok."

"What reasons?"

Gavin sighs. “I thought I was ready for it, but I wasn’t. And, it ruined us. Not just because I wasn’t ready. But, because we did it for dumb reasons. He did it because he was hormonal and impulsive.” Gavin rolls his eyes. “I did it because I thought it would make him stay with me. That it would make us closer or something.”

Ryan listens carefully, to make sure he understands. He clears his throat.”Did it do those things? Did it make you guys closer?”

"If it did, I wouldn’t have came to you tonight. I wouldn’t want to be different with you for the rest of my life. I wouldn’t want you, Ryan."

Ryan looked away from Gavin, not ready to bring the focus back to their own relationship. 

"Why couldn’t you tell me what he took from you earlier?" Ryan inquires. 

"I d-didn’t want you to think I was dirty, or foolish, or a whore." Gavin lists. "I didn’t want you to feel about me….how I feel about myself."

"Gavin!" Ryan reaches a hand up to Gavin’s jaw, he reaches around the Brit’s face to hold his chin firmly, making it so Gavin can’t look away from him. "You’re not dirty, or foolish, and you’re especially not a whore. You made a poor decision, move on from it."

"Ryan, I promise that I won’t make you do anything that you don’t want to." Ryan feels Gavin’s lower lip trembling as he continues to hold his face. "I don’t want to be the person to take something from you, not like that."

"Gavin, anything I’d give to you, I’d want you to have." Ryan shakes his head. "And, after I give it to you, I’d trust you to take care of it."

"But-"

"Like my heart."

Gavin’s eyes close as Ryan let’s go of his chin. He takes a deep breath.

"Are you ok?" Ryan is the one to ask him this question, this time.

"I was not ready for you, Ryan Haywood." Gavin sighs, opening his eyes to look at him. 

"You said that, that night we wrote the letters." Ryan remembers. Gavin nods. 

"And what’d you say back to me?"

"Um…" Ryan thinks, but he can’t remember his own words. 

"You said ‘You think I saw you coming? Not by a fucking long shot!’ and-"

"And then we said we hated each other." Ryan frowns. 

"How about this time we say we love each other?" Gavin giggles like a child at the idea. He was about 99% serious about it, but he didn’t think Ryan would do it. 

"I don’t know how I love you, so is it fair to say it?" Ryan raises a brow.

"I think it’s fair, as long as you love me." Gavin shrugs. 

"If I say it, does it mean you’ll be with me?"

"No," Gavin shakes his head. "You still want me to think about it more, and I will. I guess I did make my mind up pretty quickly. I do want to be with you, no doubt about that."

"I want to be with you, too." Ryan nods. 

"But, how about we just be ‘us’ and stop trying to label it?" Gavin offers. "I mean, I’ve been yours for a while now."

"Have you?" Ryan pretends not to have noticed. 

"Ryan…I-I love you." Gavin says the words more carefully than he’s ever said any, yet they still stumble clumsily out of him. Ryan grins widely and reaches up to cover his mouth. Gavin quickly reaches for Ryan’s wrists and pulls his hands away. "No, I want to see it."

The two of them smile at each other endlessly before Ryan leans forward and presses a kiss to Gavin’s cheek. 

"I love you, too." Ryan bites onto his lower lip after he says the words back, and he really wishes he could cover his face. Being this level of happy without a shield was borderline embarrassing. "So, now what?"

"I want you to kiss me." Gavin states. "I want you to kiss me like I’m falling. I want you to kiss me like the movies. I want you to kiss me like I’m yours."

Ryan raises a brow, intrigued at the level of ballsiness Gavin was showing now. 

"Well," Ryan hums. "If I give you a kiss…"

"Yeah?"

"Only take it if you like it."

"Shut up, Ryan." Gavin chuckled, blushing at the way Ryan’s eyes flickered down to his lips. Yet, neither of them moved. "Ryan?"

"What?"

"Are you going to do it?"

"Kiss you?"

"Yeah." Gavin nodded eagerly. 

"No."

"Ryan!"

"I can’t, not right here." Ryan shrugs. 

"You’re shitting me." Gavin groans. "This isn’t the right location?"

"Or the right time." Ryan says. "You should go home before your dad realizes you’re gone."

"I don’t care." Gavin frowns. "This isn’t about him."

"Wow," Ryan’s eyes go wide. "You’re bold tonight."

"Come on, not to sound cocky…but you can’t _not_ kiss me after all of that!" Gavin whines. 

"Eh, well watch me." Ryan smirked. 

"You really are evil, aren’t you?" Gavin sighed. 

"Please go home?" 

"Fine…" Gavin turns away, shrugging his shoulders as he began walking down the steps. "I guess I’ll just…walk home…alone."

"Gav-"

"In the dark…" Gavin sighs. "Did I mention I’d be alone? Without my Ry there to protect me."

"Oh my fucking god, you _literal_ piece of shit."

"It’s pretty dark out, right about now." Gavin kept walking down the steps until he hit the last one. "I’m pretty scrawny, but I’m sure I could fight off a predator _twice_ my size."

"Gavin."

"Oh," He turns to Ryan. "One of the streetlights blew out between our halfway point. I saw it go out on my way here." 

"Gavin, holy shit."

"It would suck to be so _close_ to home, and not make it."

"Fine!" Ryan raced down the stairs of the farm house, tackling Gavin into the grassy area in front of the home. The Brit’s backpack cushioned his landing, he was glad that he’d packed clothes in there. "You can stay-"

"Yay! Thank you, Ry!" Gavin beamed from beneath him. He tried not to, but he loved the feeling of Ryan’s weight above him. 

"You didn’t let me finish." Ryan interrupts Gavin’s victory party. 

"Go on then."

"You can stay, on two conditions." Ryan says. Gavin nods, ready to hear them. "One, you read to me. You haven’t read to me in a while, and we left off on a cliffhanger."

"Will do," Gavin tilts his face up to place a kiss on Ryan’s jaw. Ryan, chewed his bottom lip for a second as he fought off a large smile, because his next condition was serious. 

"Next, we have to wake up early to text your dad that you’re on your way to school early. I don’t want him to know your gone." Ryan gives the second condition in a very intense tone. "I don’t want anything to happen to you, I don’t want him to hurt you. Ever again."

"Ry," Gavin turns his head at an angle that gives him access to Ryan’s neck. He gently brings his lips to Ryan’s skin. The older grunts at the sensation. 

"G-Gavin, did you hear what I said?"

"Wake up early, text Dad." He nods, pulling away from Ryan’s neck. "Can we go inside now? Is Mimi still awake? Can I say hi?"

"We can go see." Ryan stands up, offering Gavin a hand, which the Brit happily takes. Even when they’re both standing, Ryan doesn’t let go of Gavin’s hand. Gavin doesn’t want him to. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's unlikely that there will be another chapter before the dance chapter.  
> I'm getting SO many Tumblr messages/emails and so on about the dance.  
> Don't worry babes, it'll be soon! Either the next chapter, or the one after that.


	17. Close Your Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Close your eyes.”
> 
> “Uh, ok.” Ryan closes them. “Now what?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello! 
> 
> HEY EVERYONE! I'm really excited about this chapter. Sorry for the wait...but as an apology, how about a 13K+ chapter? Thirteen thousand words (plus) all for you lovely babes, because you're amazing. And because I'm out of control, send help. 
> 
> The next chapter will be the dance chapter. You all keep sending me messages asking me about it, sooo now you know. Ryan is great this chapter by the way, just saying. 
> 
> That's all, go read and be cute and stuff, I dunno what you crazy kids are up to these days. 
> 
> BUT, as always, thank you Becky for saving my life with beta-ing this chapter. I had some rediculous typos...shovels and things. It's insane. 
> 
> Ok, talk to you all soon. 
> 
> And as Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin <3

“Good morning,” Ryan hears Gavin’s voice. He grimaces, plagued yet again with the unbearable fog that accompanies the moments after he wakes. But, as he opens his eyes, he sees Gavin’s face, inches away from his own and the fog begins to clear like Gavin is the lighthouse shedding light across the sea. “Ready to get up?”

“No.” Ryan scoots his body closer to Gavin’s, pushing his face into Gavin’s skin. At first, Gavin wants to giggle because the contact made his skin feel ticklish, but he didn’t. Because once Ryan got closer, he felt just how warm he was. Like sleeping had toasted him into this heater like warmth. 

“Are you feeling aright?” Gavin brought a hand to Ryan’s skin on his neck, which was also really warm. 

“Hm?”

“You’re so hot.” Gavin says, and rolls his eyes when he feels Ryan sputter a laugh against his chest. “Not like that, perv.”

“You think I have a fever or something?” Ryan picks his head up from Gavin’s skin. 

“I mean...I don’t know.” Gavin shrugs. “But if you feel fine, then I guess you’re ok.”

“I feel disoriented as hell, but it’s going away.” 

“Oh, alright.” Gavin nods as Ryan puts his face back into Gavin’s chest. 

“Last night was great, by the way.” Ryan’s voice is muffled but Gavin hears the words very clearly. 

The previous night was perfect, and Gavin hates to always say it. But, every moment that he spends with Ryan is better than the last. Still, there was something about last night. 

They’d spent most of it curled up within one another. All of it was Ryan’s doing, which made Gavin extremely happy. Ryan seemed to want no space between them. As Gavin read, Ryan laid his head on Gavin’s chest and tangled their legs. Even his arms were around Gavin’s middle. And like always when Gavin reads, Ryan was staring at him as if every word could only be heard if he was watching them form on Gavin’s lips. 

Ryan was excited about the book though, there were only five chapters left of the story. He kept begging Gavin to finish the book in one go, but Gavin stated that ‘some things are better when they’re not rushed’ and Ryan shut up. Because the first thing that came to mind when Gavin said that, was their own relationship. So indeed, Ryan accepted the fact that some things were better unrushed. 

~*~

It was earlier than Ryan liked to get up, but Gavin had set an early alarm to rouse them both so Gavin could text his father about leaving early. To which his father replied: “Gavin, this is bullshit. I’m too hungover to get the kids ready. Whatever you’re leaving early for, it has to stop. I refuse to keep doing this.” and Gavin scoffed at the message. His father was saying he was too much of a drunk to take care of his kids? Well, at least he’s admitting it now. 

Ryan nuzzled his face against Gavin’s jaw at the sign of the Brit’s annoyance. This made Gavin forget about his father and just enjoy Ryan for a while longer. Because they had about an hour to lounge in bed, Gavin of course spent most of it talking. But, he took a break from his own ramblings to ask Ryan to speak. 

"Do you want to go back to sleep?" Gavin presses his lips into Ryan’s hair, the older male still hiding his face against Gavin’s skin.

"Um..." Ryan shrugged. "I don't think I want to sleep."

"What do you want to do?"

"Eat cookies." Ryan replied. Gavin chuckled. 

"We haven't got any." 

"I know." Ryan looked up at Gavin.

"Ry," Gavin bit his lips at the sudden eye contact.

"Yeah?"

"Tell me some things." Gavin requests. 

"Like what?"

"When you were little."

"It's not all happy stuff." Ryan reminds him.

"I don't mind...if you don't mind."

Ryan's breathing was even and slow. Gavin loved the soft sound of his breathing. It was comforting and it made Gavin just appreciate the fact that Ryan is real, he’s solid and alive and right next to him. Something about being so comforted just by being this close to someone like this, reminded Gavin of being a child. 

The Brit always wondered what Ryan was like as a child. He always has so many questions to ask Ryan, but he doesn't because he's afraid his questions might hurt him. But, this time...he doesn't want to hold back. Besides, the question he wants to ask shouldn't be too painful, if it is, he'll ask Ryan not to talk about it. 

"Hey," Gavin says.

"Yeah?" Ryan lays on his side. 

"Is there something in your childhood that you can think about...and automatically feel safe?"

"Um..." Ryan thinks for a moment, then nods. "Yeah, actually. There are a few things that I can think of like that."

"If it's not going to upset you, do you think that you could tell me about them?"

"Yeah." Ryan props his head up on his palm. "If I have more than one example, I can tell you?" 

"Tell me everything. You better not hold back a single story." Gavin warns. 

"I won't, but...I don't want to bore you." Ryan scratches his head. 

"You couldn't. I love to hear about your childhood."  

"Why's that? Most of it isn't good." Ryan frowns curiously. 

"I just...it's you, Ryan. Everything about you interests me."

"Um, alright." Ryan shrugs. 

"So," Gavin sits up on his bottom. "Tell me?"

"Come here," Ryan sits up too and makes grabby hands at Gavin. "You're too far away."

"I'm not even that far." Gavin rolls his eyes playfully. "See, I'm right here." He reaches out to touch Ryan's arm, without even fully needing to extend his own. 

"Not the point." Ryan shakes his head. "I want to hold you."

"Ry..." Gavin blushes. "How do you wanna do this?"

Ryan rests his chin on his knees as he looks at Gavin. 

"Oh, I know." Ryan separates his legs and pulls Gavin between them. Gavin is stiff as a board at first, unsure of how to fit his body to Ryan's. But, when he realizes what Ryan is trying to do, he relaxes. Gavin lets his back rest against Ryan's chest. 

"I like this." Gavin says as Ryan wraps his arms around Gavin's body and lets his chin settle amongst Gavin's blonde hair. 

"Good." Ryan presses a kiss to the warm top of Gavin's head. "I like this, too."

"Ry," Gavin tilts his head up to see Ryan's face. "Tell me about when you felt safe."

"Alright," Ryan begins. "I was little...like four or so. Maybe older, probably older. But, my mom was being 'normal' I guess."

"Yeah?"

"And we didn't have a dryer for our clothes, so we used to hang things up on the clothes line outside." Ryan explains. "Sometimes, my mom would tell me to lay in the grass while she hung our sheets up."

"Why?" Gavin prompted. Ryan pauses telling his story so he could lean down and kiss Gavin's forehead. 

"Because, when the wind would catch them, and they'd begin to sway and flutter...my mom, she'd say that..." Ryan chuckled. "It was that moment in time, that it was easiest for ghosts to come and visit. That the sheets in the breeze were like little portals. And, if I listened closely enough, I could hear them telling me stories."

"That's...an odd time to feel safe." Gavin comments, not in a rude way.

"What do you mean?" 

"I mean...I can't imagine feeling safe when ghosts of all things were visiting me."

"Well," Ryan says. "You have to think of it from my perspective."

"Ok, explain your perspective to me then."

"I was lonely when I was little," Ryan sighs. "I don't remember feeling lonely, because I preferred it when there weren't many people around." 

"Ok." Gavin nodded, taking in the information. 

"But, real people were intimidating for me." Ryan clears his throat. "Ghosts though, they weren't there to interact with me. They didn't try play with me. They...they didn't touch me."

"Ohhh," Gavin says as he begins to understand. 

"Yeah," Ryan smiles when Gavin gets it. "They didn't do anything, but stop by to talk to me. To tell me stories."

"Ryan...you're such a gentle person."

"Thanks, I guess?" Ryan shrugs. "I felt safe then because I felt...watched over. Like, I had a safety net. Should my mom slip into silence again, or if I felt alone for whatever reason. That I wasn't."

"Aw, Ryan..." Gavin reached up for Ryan's hair, lacing his fingers in it. He used this to pull Ryan's head down so he could press a kiss to the space by his ear. Ryan blushed. 

"I got in trouble doing it one day though."

"Doing what?"

"Going to talk to the sheet ghosts."

"How do you get in trouble doing that? I thought it was her idea." Gavin shook his head. 

"Because, it was late at night." 

"Oh..."

"Yeah, I’d had a bad dream, and I wanted someone to talk to. There weren't any sheets up, so I'd taken the one from my bed." Ryan's shoulders went up as he took a deep breath. "I struggled to hang it up myself because I was so short. But, once it was hung up I began telling the ghost everything. About what happened in my dream."

"But, how'd you get in trouble though?"

"My mother had heard the backdoor open, but she didn't know I'd done it. She was panicking and calling my name, thinking someone had taken me from my room because I wasn’t there. When she finally came outside and saw me lying in the grass, she assumed the worst."

"Did she...do something about it?"

"She told me how scared she was, and she carried me inside." Ryan shrugs. "I'd gotten to the point that I didn't really like being touched and it annoyed me. But it wasn't so bad that time. It didn't feel like fire, like some touches do nowadays."

"Can I tell you something weird?" Gavin looked down so that the older couldn't see his eyes anymore. 

"What?"

"Sometimes I wish that my touch burned you." Gavin mumbles, embarrassed to say it right out. Ryan frowns. 

"Why would you want that? I like when you touch me." 

"I just," Gavin looks up at him again. "When you get touched and it burns, you have more of a noticeable reaction to it. I'd like it, if when I touched you, I knew exactly what you were feeling when I did it."

"Weird."

"I know."

"When you touch me, I feel...safe, and I feel calm...and happy." Ryan says. "Sorry for not freaking out and feeling like you dumped acid on my skin."

"I don't want to hurt you." Gavin laughs. "I just want to know that when I touch you, it means something."

"It means the world, are you kidding me?" Ryan holds Gavin tighter in his arms. 

"I wish I could kiss you." Gavin sighs. 

"I want to." Ryan leans his head back against the wall he was resting against. 

"Tell me more about when you felt safe."

"Um..." Ryan thinks before he begins speaking again. "Mimi."

"Mimi?"

"My mother had...gone silent again. This time, I had emergency phone numbers to call, and I called Mimi first. Even though I wasn't supposed to. I was supposed to call this woman my mom worked with, because Mimi lived here in Texas and she couldn't come right away."

"Oh, so...what happened?"

"Mimi made me call the woman from my mom's job, and the woman came and stayed in our house. Taking care of my mom and I."

"Did you like her?"

"I felt sorry for her." Ryan admits. "I wouldn't talk to her, I didn't know how."

"You felt sorry for her because you couldn't talk to her?"

"No," Ryan shakes his head. "Because she talked a lot. And she talked about her life...which wasn't bad. But she was so lonely, Gavin."

"Why?"

"She was in her mid forties, and she's never really had a romantic relationship. She said that she hadn't been on a real date since she was fourteen. She'd went on a blind date when she was 35, but he showed up to eat and wouldn't even talk to her."

"Ouch...holy shit."

"I know. She said that she always wanted children, and to have a husband and a happy home." Ryan says. "She lived alone with two dogs...and she kind of smelled like beef jerky all the time."

"Ryan, my god. You're making me feel so bad for this woman. Just tell me about when you felt safe...when Mimi finally showed up."

"Oh right, I forgot this story wasn't supposed to be about the sad middle aged woman."

"Yeah."

"So, anyway," Ryan sat up a bit taller, Gavin shifted himself closer again. "Mimi came, and when the door opened up...I didn't usually do this...with anyone anymore, but I ran to the door. She dropped her bags to the floor and stooped down to be at my height."

"Awww,"

"She looked at me for a long time, waiting for me to do something, or say something...I guess. And even though she knew who I was, she asks 'Are you my grandson?' and I responded 'Yes, Mimi. I'm James.' and she opens her arms to me."

"I love Mimi, so much." Gavin grins. “Keep going.”

"And when she opened her arms, I just stepped forward and pressed my head to her chest. I didn't wrap my arms around her or anything, but she picked me up anyway. She was wearing a sweater and jeans, and I couldn't feel her skin. That made it feel almost like she wasn't touching me. I loved that part." Ryan stopped talking, staring off into space.

"Is that the end?"

"No, there's more."

"Tell me the rest of the Mimi story, Ry."

"I am, I am." Ryan smiled. "Then, the woman from my mom's job didn't want to leave because she didn't want to be alone again. So, she kept taking care of my mom while Mimi took care of me."

"Cute."

"Yeah, and I followed Mimi everywhere. I loved having her around. She was funny, and she would love to play with me. We'd chase fireflies in the backyard at night, and during my bath time, she would tell me stories using my bath toys."

"Aww, Ry."

"Then, Mimi would never make me fall asleep on my own. She'd hold me in her lap and rock me and sing to me until I was asleep. Even though I was a...'big kid' I guess, and I know it's weird. But it was strangely comforting. Maybe because I never really had a ‘little kid’ period of my life."

"I think it's really sweet. And you weren't a big kid..you were like five or six. It's perfectly fine to want to sit in someone's lap and be held. Especially if you didn't have it."

"Thanks, Gav." Ryan pressed a kiss to the side of Gavin's temple. 

"Anymore stories of you feeling safe?"

"It's not from when I was little..."

"Well, tell me anyway."

"Actually....I don't want to talk about it." Ryan shrugs, Gavin sighs a bit disappointedly, but he allowed it. 

"What would you like to do then?" 

"Can we go see Mimi and make breakfast?" 

"Of course,” Gavin nodded. “But can I ask you one more question?"

“What is it?”

“Why do you call your grandmother Mimi?"

Ryan’s arms tightened around Gavin again. 

“My mother didn't want Mimi around me at all when I was little.” He began. “She felt betrayed after Mimi sent her to the hospital for her...issues. And because Mimi had 'forced' her to take her medication and stuff.”

“Oh...”

“She’d take her medicine off and on, but she stopped when she was pregnant, doctor’s orders. And she’d begun acting out and things after that.” Ryan sighed. “One way that she got back at Mimi for ‘being so cruel’ was to keep she and I apart.”

“That’s so messed up, though.”

“Yeah, I know. Mimi wasn’t trying to be mean, she was trying to help.” Ryan explained. “But, when Mimi and I did meet, my mother made me call my grandma by her first name, Amelia.”

“That’s a pretty name.” Gavin commented. 

“I love the name, but when I was little, it was too much for me to say.” Ryan laughed. “I could only muster 'Mimi' so, Mimi she remains." 

Gavin sighed happily in Ryan’s arms, the story left him smiling. He pictured little Ryan struggling to say Amelia, and him toddling after the woman calling her Mimi. 

“That's a really sweet story, Ryan.” Gavin said softly. 

“I’m glad you think so,” Ryan leans down to kiss Gavin’s cheek. “Get up, so we can go see her.”

“Give me a minute.” Gavin didn’t want to get up anymore, so he stalled. 

“Gav,” Ryan smiled. 

“No.” Gavin tilted his head up to Ryan’s. 

“Don’t make me push you.” 

“You wouldn’t.” Gavin murmurs, letting his eyes shut. 

“Ten more minutes.”

“Thanks, Ry.”

_____________________________

Gavin enjoyed watching Ryan be able to talk to Mimi. This time, Gavin was the one being quiet. Sitting and watching Ryan be the person Gavin knew he could be. Talking and laughing with Mimi, then maybe next...his friends? Gavin didn’t want to push Ryan’s limits, even though he didn’t really know what the older male’s limits were. But, he knew Ryan was happy like this. He was happiest when he could communicate as he pleases. 

“I think you would enjoy helping your friend with his project, Ryan.” Mimi says from behind her tea mug. 

“I’ve never spoken on camera before.” Ryan shrugs. “I don’t know if I’d be very good.”

“Have more confidence. You can do anything.” Mimi smiles at her grandson fondly, but the smile fades. “Oh, Ryan...”

“Yes?” Ryan chews his bite, waiting for her to speak. 

“Are you coming straight home from school?”

“I...” Ryan looks at Gavin. Usually his after school schedule depended on what he and Gavin planned to do. Gavin shrugs and then both boys turn to look at Mimi. “Why do you ask?”

“I have an appointment, so if you come home straight after, I might not be here.” Mimi informs. Ryan’s eyebrows knit together. 

“Appointment?” Ryan repeats. 

“Yes, with a doctor.” Mimi nods, it’s obvious that she’s trying not to go into too much detail. Ryan wondered if it’s because Gavin is here, or if Mimi just doesn’t want to say either way. 

“Why?” Ryan gives the question a shot, even though Mimi didn’t seem to want to answer it. 

“Last time I was in, my doctor was concerned about something and they want to get a better look.” Mimi avoided Ryan’s eyes and picked up her mug of tea again. 

“Are...” Ryan frowned as he looked at his plate. “Are you ok?”

“I’m doing just fine.” She assures him, putting her mug down. “Don’t you worry.”

“Um...” Ryan tapped his fingertips against the table’s surface before rising to his feet, picking up their three empty plates. He doesn’t finish his thought, and Gavin notices Mimi looking a bit like she regretted telling Ryan about the appointment at all. The Brit clears his throat. 

“Ryan told me some stories about you this morning.” Gavin changes the subject with a smile. Mimi looks up at him, her gentle blue eyes very friendly as always. 

“Really?” Mimi inquires. “Which ones?”

“When you came to take care of him when he was younger. He said you took very good care of him.” 

“He was such a good boy,” She looks up at Ryan at the sink. “Still is, in fact.”

“He’s great.” Gavin looks at him too.

“Shouldn’t you boys be heading off to school?” Mimi’s eyes trail from Ryan to the clock up on the wall.

“Oh, you’re right.” Gavin stands up. “Ready to go, Ry?” 

Ryan dried his hands without looking up at Gavin, he nods. 

He wasn’t speaking and it made Gavin want to take him by the shoulders and shake him. Try to tell him to snap out of it, and that everything was going to be alright. Instead, Gavin just sighed before turning to Mimi. 

“I don’t think I’ll be over tonight, my father is cranky.” Gavin says to the old woman, bending down to hug her. “I hope your appointment goes well.”

“Thank you, Gavin.” She smiles. “Don’t let your father bully you, you’re a good young man as well. Don’t let him ruin that about you.”

“I...” Mimi’s words were heavy on Gavin’s chest. “Thank you.” He replies.

“Mimi,” Ryan comes over from the sink. He wants to hug her as well, but his muscles don’t want to move when he tells them to do it. But, he say what he wants. The pressure in his throat doesn’t happen and Ryan speaks. 

“Yes, Ryan?” Mimi looks up at him. 

“I love you,” Ryan says the words and not taking his eyes away. He watches as her eyes light up and a smile spread across her face. 

“Thank you, Ryan!” Mimi is very happy to hear it. “I love you, very much.”

“Going to school now.” Ryan reaches forward and takes Gavin’s hand. The younger male looks down as their fingers intertwine, then up at Ryan. 

“Have a good day, you two.” Mimi waves them off as they grab their backpacks. 

_____________________________

Burnie closed the classroom door, humming as he crossed the room. Advisory happened only on Wednesday afternoons before lunch. Each teacher was given an ‘advisory’, a group of students. The teacher met with the group and they’d discuss upcoming school events, how their grades were coming along and anything that might be troubling. 

Burnie usually held group discussions with his students. However, today he was doing one on one conversations. Gavin waited patiently for his turn because he had something that he wanted to ask Burnie. 

“Gavin Free,” Burnie called the next student on his list. He looked up from his list as Gavin came to him. “Gav, it’s been forever since we had a one on one, it seems. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been fine.” Gavin nodded, he immediately suppressed the urge to tell Burnie that his father has gotten worse. That he could barely stand to go anywhere other than Ryan’s house anymore. Going home was his least favorite part of any day. 

“Good, good.” Burnie smiles again and looks down at Gavin’s chart. “Your grades are excellent! Your attendance is...perfect, but you left school early on Monday?”

“Oh...” Gavin blushed. “Yeah, there was an emergency.”

“I’m sorry, is everything alright?” Burnie’s brow furrowed in concern. Since coming to America, Burnie is one of the few adults that Gavin genuinely trusted. He didn’t like lying to Burnie, keeping things from him. When Gavin filled out the advisory questionnaire after the one on one meetings, there is always the question that says ‘Is everything alright at home? If anything is wrong, you don’t have to tell me...but please tell someone. Remember you are not alone.’ and Gavin has to swallow a lump in his throat as he fills in the bubble that says ‘Everything is fine’. 

But right now, this wasn’t about his life at home. He left school early on Monday to be with Ryan. Gavin debates it in his head, but he decides to tell Burnie. 

“Burnie,” Gavin clears his throat. 

“Yes?”

“Do you have James Haywood in your class?” 

“Yes,” Burnie nodded. “Why?”

“On Monday, I left early to go see if he was alright.” Gavin was honest. “He’s doing fine now, but...that’s why I left.”

“Thank you for telling me, Gavin.” Burnie takes a few notes on his clipboard. “That’s very kind of you, to check on your friend.”

Gavin tilts his head to the side at the word ‘friend’ because he wasn’t sure if Ryan was only his friend anymore. But, he’d agreed to stop trying to label them, so instead of dwelling he smiled. 

“I care about him very much.” Gavin nodded. “But, I wanted to talk to you about him.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, I have a question.”

“Alright, go on.” Burnie changed his posture in his seat. 

“Well, the school stayed open after school to allow students to meet with their different after school curriculums and things, right?”

“Yes, the school building is always open until 7:30 PM.” Burnie confirmed. 

“And, the Home Economics classroom has an stove, yes?” Gavin raises a brow. 

“It does...for cooking demos.” Burnie says. “There’s also a stove in the faculty kitchen.”

“Ohhh, that’s true.” Gavin takes a mental note.

“What does this have to do with your friend?” Burnie asks. 

“Well, his favorite thing in the whole world is chocolate chip cookies, and I wanted to know if it would be alright if we stayed after one day and baked?” Gavin asks. “If not, we can just bake at his house. But, it’d be better if I could stay at school, I think. It’d make my father more comfortable.”

“Um...” Burnie weighed question. “I don’t think the Home Ec. class teacher would like you two using her oven after school.”

“Aw,” Gavin frowns. 

“But, maybe the faculty kitchen. I wouldn’t mind staying after in my classroom and grade some papers and things while you two bake.” Burnie shrugs. “Ya know, so the other teachers will know that someone is being ‘responsible’ for you.” 

“Oh, awesome!” Gavin beams. “Thanks, Burnie!”

“Only if you give me a cookie when you’re done.”

“Sure!” Gavin grinned. 

“Is that all you wanted to talk about for James?” Burnie asks. 

“Well, one more thing...” Gavin smiled shyly. 

“Ok, what’s up?” Burnie pushed up his glasses on his nose. 

“Could you call him Ryan?” Gavin raises a brow. 

“Hm?”

“Well, he prefers to go by his middle name. I know he’s not talkative and everything, but he’s really great.” Gavin says. “And I think he’d be more comfortable in class if you called him Ryan.”

“Oh...ok.” Burnie nods, taking more notes. “I could do that.”

“Thanks, Burnie.”

“And, I do know Ryan is great, you don’t have to tell me.” Burnie digs through his folder, then pushes a paper to Gavin. “He thinks you’re great too.”

“Huh?” Gavin picks up the paper and reads the title typed at the top in large font. The title read ‘Boy of Light’ and Gavin’s lips parted. “H-how’d you know this was about me?”

“There’s a part in there that talks about the boy’s nose, and I figured, I’d seen you two walking around together. Had to be you.” Burnie giggled like a child. 

“Burnie!” Gavin used the paper to hide his embarrassed smile. He hadn’t known that Burnie noticed them together. Also, the...nose thing.

“I have Ryan this afternoon, but I’d like you to read that, if you hadn’t already. I don’t think he’d mind.” Burnie smiles. “He’s an extremely talented writer, he has something...different about his style.”

“Something different?” Gavin repeats, smiling as he knows that Ryan would like to hear that term. 

“Yeah,” Burnie nods. “He’s gotten A’s on every writing assignment he’s turned into me. I know he doesn’t say much in class, but he’s one of the best writers I have.”

“That’s amazing!” Gavin beams. “I can’t wait to read this story, I’ve never read anything that he’s written.”

“Really?” Burnie’s eyebrows go up. “Well, read the hell out of that, you’ll like it. Besides, it’s about you.”

“Yeah, well...” Gavin looks up at the clock. “Can I leave advisory early? I want to see if I can find him.”

“Sure, let me know when you plan on making cookies.” Burnie says as Gavin gets up. “So I’ll know when to stay after.”

“Ok, thanks.” Gavin waves and leaves the classroom.

_____________________________

Trailing the hallways, Gavin didn’t see Ryan. So, he went to Ryan’s advisory room. He poked his head into the door, and all of the students turned to see him, but not Ryan. He never did really care who could be at the door, of course he’d never assume it was Gavin. 

“Um, hey Mr. Sorola.” Gavin said to Ryan’s advisor, and the freshman math teacher, Gus Sorola. Ryan finally turned at the sound of Gavin’s voice, his eyes a bit wide with surprise. 

“Yes?” Gus rose a brow. 

“Can I have Ry...er, uh...James please?” Gavin asks. 

“Does he have somewhere to be?” Gus asks. “We’re in the middle of advisory.”

“I know, I’m sorry...he has to be seen in the office. It sounds important.” Gavin lied, and he hated lying. He wasn’t even able to stop himself as the words poured from his lips. Gus frowned in concern. 

“Oh, does he?” The teacher turns to Ryan. “You don’t have anything important that we have to discuss, right?”

Ryan shakes his head and picks up his backpack, making his way over to Gavin. 

“Thanks, Mr. Sorola!” Gavin takes Ryan by the arm and pulls him out of the classroom, closing the door behind them. 

“The office needs me?” Ryan asks. 

“No, I uh, lied.” Gavin blushed. 

“Gavin! -- What’s your middle name, again?” 

“David.”

“Gavin David Free!” Ryan cries in fake shock. “I’m very disappointed in you!”

“I know, I know!” Gavin covers his face in real shame with the paper Burnie had given him. Ryan notices the title on the page and snatches it up from Gavin. 

“Where the hell did you get this??” Ryan’s face goes rouge as he looks at the grade on the top. He congratulates himself for another A, but he is also shocked to see the paper with Gavin. “Did you read this?”

“No, but...!” Gavin holds onto his arm tighter, leading him down the hallway. “Burnie’s my advisor and he said your writing was amazing! He wanted me to bring it to you.”

“I have his class right after lunch though,” Ryan shrugs. “Why wouldn’t he wait to give it to me then?”

“Ryan! Who knows!” Gavin exclaims. “But, you wrote a story about me!”

“How do you know it’s about you, if you haven’t read it?” Ryan states the question like he’s caught Gavin red handed or something. 

“I haven’t I swear!” Gavin is being honest. “Burnie just said that...you wrote about the ‘Boy of Light’ having a big nose.”

“Oh...” Ryan began chuckling.

“Also, the story is called ‘Boy of Light’ so...ya know.”

“True, true.” Ryan walked through the gymnasium doors with Gavin. “Why’d you bring us here?”

“This is where I usually read to you,” Gavin ducks under the bleachers. “But now, I want you to read to me.”

“But-”

“Please?” Gavin asks. “I’ve never read your writing before, it’d mean the world if you shared it with me.”

“Gavin, my writing isn’t the kind of thing people want to read. I’ve told you that.”

“Burnie says it’s incredible and you’re amazingly talented.”

“Teachers have to be kind to their students.” Ryan shrugs. 

“Burnie wouldn’t lie about that.” Gavin sat down, Ryan next to him. “Read to me, please?”

“Ugh,” Ryan groaned then took a deep breath. “Fine, but...don’t judge.”

“Never.” Gavin leaned his head on Ryan’s shoulder so he could read along with him. 

 

~*~

 

**Boy of Light**

**by**

**J. Haywood**

**I see darkness all around me, if that can count as seeing. I hear silence there as well, if that too could count as hearing. If I stretch my arms in any direction, there’s nothing I could hit. Which, suggests that I’m alone. But, if there were any people here...could I see them? Could I hear them? It’s like this world I’m in swallows everything whole. It feels like I’m being eaten, and that every touch is the burn of stomach acid meant to digest me.**

**Though through the darkness, I am finally seeing. There is someone here, but they’re so bright to my unadjusted eyes. All I can see is the outline of the face, mostly taken up by a nose. I can only hear the voice, contorted gently with an accent. Maybe his hands aren’t made of flesh and bones, because those things usually burn me. Yet his touch feels like being enveloped in angel wings. I can tell his heart is made of gold. I know it because it’s the golden light shining through him that’s so bright I can barely see.**

**The boy of light takes me with him. Out of the darkness and into a world where there is...brightness. How silly is it that I value even the tiniest things now? Coming from a world of nothing, suddenly being here amongst the ‘everything’ blows my mind. I want him to tell me all he knows, show me all he sees. I want the boy of light to stay with me.**

 

~*~

Ryan stops reading, and refuses to look at Gavin. The younger male’s mouth is open, but no words are coming out. 

“This is unlike other things I’ve written, I don’t usually write like this-” Ryan is about to defend his ‘poor writing’ when Gavin takes his face in his hands. The paper falls from Ryan’s hands and slowly cascades to the polished gym floor. 

“Ryan, I don’t...” Gavin presses their foreheads together. “I don’t even know what to say.”

“Say it’s bad.” Ryan suggests, but Gavin pushes on his shoulder as a warning. 

“Shut up.”

“Ok.” Ryan goes silent, letting Gavin’s hands drop from his face. 

“You wrote that for me?”

“You know I did.” 

“Ryan...” Gavin says his name again. 

“What?”

“I...” Gavin wishes he could think of something to say to him, that would make him know that he was almost in love with the story as much as he was in love with him. But, the only thing that came out was dumb. “I want to kiss you so badly right now.”

Ryan chuckled. 

“You liked the story that much?” Ryan asks.

“Why didn’t you tell me you wrote that?”

“I didn’t want you to know.” 

“Tell me every time you write something for me.”

“Everything I write anymore pretty much is for you.” Ryan frowns. “You expect me to tell you every time?”

“Impossible.” Gavin picks up the paper from the floor.

“Huh?”

“You’re impossible.” Gavin states. “You’re too unreal, you don’t exist, I’ve decided.”

“Not fair, but I’ll allow it.” Ryan shrugs. 

“Can I have this?” Gavin holds the paper up. Ryan looks at it, then back at Gavin, nodding. “Thanks, Ry.”

“Are we eating with your friends again today?” 

“We’re eating with  _our friends_ , yes.”

“Alright.”

_____________________________

Gavin and Ryan were the last two to show up to the lunch table. Again, everyone was sitting where Ryan used to like to sit. Everyone greeted them and continued their previous conversations. 

“How is everyone?” Ryan interjected. He didn’t know where the sudden urge to talk came from, but he let it happen. Glad to finally feel able to say anything to them. 

The group stopped talking to stare at him, surprised that he’d spoken. Ryan wasn’t looking at them. Instead, he was applying condiments to his sandwich. Gavin cleared his throat. 

“Ryan asked how everyone was.” Gavin repeated Ryan’s question, giving the older male a discrete tap of reassurance under the table. 

“G-good,” Jack replied first. “I had a test today in history that I’d forgotten about. I completely guessed all of the answers. I don’t even remember studying for the exam at all.” He sighs. “I’ve been so caught up in my damn senior project.”

“Oh, the senior project is  _so_  time consuming.” Griffon frowned. “I met up with some of the people I had to interview for mine. And...I was kind of disappointed. Some of them showed their true colors...and they weren't as inspiring as I’d thought.”

“What do you mean?” Geoff asks.

“I guess, they aren’t as personable as I’d liked.” Griffon admits, to which Geoff gives a loud spiteful ‘HA!’ to his girlfriend. 

“I told you! It’s about making the personal connections!” Geoff says loudly, so much so that people from other tables have turned to look at him. 

“Well, how’s your fucking project going?? Since you’re just Mr. Right Idea!” Griffon yells back. 

“My project is going fine!” Geoff shouts. “I’ve gotten...no recordings so far...” 

“Oh...and it’s going well?” Griffon teases. 

“I just...have to get all of the plans in order, then all the recordings done. After that, smooth sailing on the S.S Ramsey!” Geoff responds, then turns to Ryan. “I’m doing well, Ryan. Thanks for asking.”

Ryan attempts a small smile at Geoff, but it ends up being his lips pressed into a thin line. But, it appears that Geoff knew what he meant to do, because he smiles warmly in response. 

“I’m good, too.” Michael picks his head up from Barbara’s shoulder. “I’m behind in most of my classes, but I couldn’t honestly give a fuck if I tried.” 

“Easy for you to say,” Ray speaks next. “I’m getting so much shit from my parents, telling me how well I’m supposed to be doing in school. But all I can do is look at my homework and cry tears of boredom. Who wants to do homework?”

“I do,” Barbara grins. “Michael and I have been working together lately and it’s so much fun.”

“Then why’s he behind?” Jack chuckles. 

“Hey!” Barbara folds her arms. “He was behind before we started working together.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Geoff laughs then turns to Gavin. “How are you, Gav?”

“I’ve been great.” The Brit talks with his mouth full. 

“You, Ryan?” Geoff asks. Ryan looks up from his hands and he realizes that everyone is looking at him. Instead of panicking, he takes a deep breath and reaches over to Gavin’s lap asking for his hand. Gavin quickly gives it to him, and squeezes Ryan’s encouragingly. 

“I’m...fine.” Ryan speaks slowly, everyone smiles at him when he does.

“That’s awesome, dude.” Ray responds, the rest of the group agrees. 

It’s the shortest sentence ever, but...it fills Ryan with so much pride when he says it. The corners of his lips twitch and he leans over and pressed his face into Gavin’s shoulder briefly. 

As the rest of the table returns to their normal hum of conversation, Gavin moves closer to Ryan and whispers in his ear ‘I am so proud of you’ and kisses his cheek so quickly that to anyone else, it’d look like Gavin was just turning his head. But, Ryan knew what it really was and he fought off the urge to grin like an idiot. 

_____________________________

When English class came after lunch, Ryan was looking forward to it. It was his favorite class, and he wondered what Burnie was going to have in store for them. As he made his way to his seat, he saw a stack of books on the teacher’s desk. Ryan didn’t catch the name of them as he passed. But, he had a mixed feeling about it. He didn’t really want to apply himself to another story besides the one that Gavin was reading to him. 

Though...he kind of liked reading to Gavin today. Maybe Gavin wouldn’t mind if Ryan wanted to read his class book to him. 

“Hello, students.” Burnie stood at the front of the room after all of the class had arrived. “Take one and pass them back.” 

Burnie gave each row of desks a stack of books to take. As Ryan’s row was passing books back, they were one short. 

“Hey, Mr. Burns...” The student in front of Ryan called.

“Yes?” Burnie turned to them. 

“We’re short one, we need a book for James.” Ryan was pointed to.

“Oh, sure.” Burnie grabbed another copy and gave it to the person at the front of the row. “Pass that book to Ryan.”

Ryan’s head shot up to look at the teacher as Burnie used his preferred name. Burnie caught Ryan’s surprised look and smiled brightly. 

The book made it’s way back to Ryan and he sat it on his desk, still staring up at Burnie wondering how he knew to call him by his middle name. But then it hit him. 

_Gavin_ , Ryan thought. This time, unlike all the others, Ryan could not hide the grin that spread on his face. He put his hand over his mouth immediately as he felt it happen. Then, for added discretion he put his head down on his desk. 

_____________________________

After school, everyone met outside, which Ryan hadn’t known about. He was kind of surprised and a bit disappointed to see everyone standing there. He’d wanted Gavin all to himself. 

“Oh, hey Ry!” Gavin waved as he came out of the school. 

Ryan waved back, and stood at his side. 

“We were just talking about hanging out after school.” Geoff informed Ryan. “We wanna go to the arcade or maybe roller blading.”

“Both!” Barbara chirped.

“That’s too much money.” Geoff responds then turns to Ryan. “You two wanna go?” He asks Ryan and Gavin. The Brit turns to look at Ryan. 

“I have to go home today,” He’s speaking to the group, even though his eyes stay on Ryan. “If I want to have...any fun at all this weekend, then I have to go home and behave for the rest of this week. I’m still grounded.” Gavin was speaking in code. He was telling Ryan that if they wanted to have any chance of pulling a successful heist and that he had to lie low for a while. Visiting Ryan last night was already out of line. 

“Aw, alright, Gav.” Geoff frowned apologetically at the Brit. Turning his attention back to Ryan. “Do you want to come with us?”

Ryan frowned. He’d never really hung out with them without Gavin. He didn’t really want to. He highly doubted that he could function with them without Gavin. 

“You should go,” Gavin urged. “You’ll have fun.”

“But-” Ryan uttered but realized he was talking in front of the others than the words got caught in his throat and he looked down. Gavin ran the back of his hand up Ryan’s arm gently. 

“You’ll have fun.” Gavin repeated, really urging Ryan to go. 

Ryan grumbles a bit, then closing his eyes, he nods to Gavin. 

“Yay, Ryan is going with you guys!” Gavin reports and the rest of the group looks surprised. 

“Really?” Griffons asks excitedly. “Awesome!”

“Yeah, let’s get going!” Geoff grins. 

_____________________________

Geoff felt bad. Ryan looked lost without Gavin. He looked over at Ryan. The group had decided on going to the roller rink, and Ryan simply followed along. As they walked to the rink, Ryan kept his eyes down and stayed towards the back of the group. 

No one was really talking to him, nor were they ignoring him. Ryan just hadn’t joined in, and no one was pressuring him to do so. 

But, Geoff really wanted Ryan to have a good time. So, he made a point of it. 

“Do you know how to skate?” Geoff asks Ryan suddenly. It was apparent that Ryan hadn’t expected anyone to really talk to him, because he looked surprised when Geoff did. It was a bit of a delayed response, but he shook his head. “Have you done it before?”

“Yes.” Ryan chokes out the answer. 

“Then why’d you say you couldn’t do it? It’ll come back to you right away.” Geoff pats Ryan on the back. The older male didn’t notice the way Ryan grimaced at that and shrugged his shoulders into his ears as he flinched. Ryan didn’t like the touch, but it didn’t make him upset. 

“We’re here!” Barbara exclaims as they enter the building. Ryan looks down at his shoe laces which have started to glow in the black light. As well as his t-shirt. He tried not to enjoy it, but the glowing effect of his clothes really made him want to giggle. He really wished Gavin was here. 

“What size skate do you need?” Geoff asks as they sat their backpacks down at a table. Ryan didn’t know if skate size and shoe size were the same and he didn’t want to sound stupid asking. The words got stuck anyway. “Lemme see.” Geoff squatted down and pulled the tongue of Ryan’s shoe forward to read the tag. “Alright,” Geoff hummed and went over to the skate kiosk to get Ryan a pair. 

“I haven’t been here in forever.” Michael says, sitting down at the table with his skates. “Is Geoff getting yours?” He asks Ryan. 

Ryan nods and sits down at the table as well. He felt like he was off balance, without an outlet. He felt like he was missing his other half, and everything had to stay inside.

“Alright, bud.” Geoff sits the skates in front of Ryan. “Put em on.” Geoff and Michael put on their own skates as Ryan put on his. Barbara and Ray were already out on the rink. 

The place was mostly empty, other than a few other students from the school. But, they were sitting down eating pizza. The only people on the rink were Ray and Barb. 

Once their skates were on, Michael and Geoff stood up, Ryan did not. 

“Come on, Ryan.” Geoff offered a hand. Ryan looked at it like he didn’t know what to do with it. “Come, on.”

“Take his fucking hand.” Michael’s tone wasn’t annoyed, more encouraging than anything...even though he said it in a ‘Michael’ kind of way. 

“Fine, then. If you won’t...” Geoff take’s Ryan’s arm, it burns and all of Ryan’s nerve endings are screaming at the contact. Ryan involuntarily gives a small whimper and looks away from Geoff and Michael to hide the pained look on his face. 

But, before he realizes it, he’s moving. Though he’s standing still, Geoff’s pull is dragging him on his skates toward the rink. Michael rolls onto the polished wood to chase after Barbara. 

“Ryan,” Geoff says, giving his arm a tug. “Are you ok?”

“I...” Ryan turns to him. “It hurts.”

“What does?” Geoff looks at his skates. “Are they too small? 

“Arm.” Ryan tries to pull away. 

“Oh...” Geoff lets him go. “I’m sorry.”

Ryan nods, rubbing his hand over his skin. As Ryan goes to move himself, he wobbles and reflexively grabs onto Geoff. When he realizes he’s touching the older male, Ryan lets go.

“You good?” Geoff chuckles. 

“Y-yeah...” Ryan responds. Surprised by how much he’s talking. 

“Ok, follow me then.” Geoff begins to skate forward, Ryan pushes off and follows him slowly. Still trying to remember how to balance. He hears others approaching behind him. 

“Hey!” Barbara skates to his side. “Awesome job, Ryan!” 

“Yeah, seriously I thought you’d fall on your ass by now.” Ray comments. Michael comes to Barbara’s side, holding his hand out to her. 

“May I have this skate?” Michael says. Barbara blushes and takes his hand and the two of them skate ahead of the group. Griffon and Jack come onto the rink next and Griffon cheers about how much she loves the song they’re playing as she comes up to Ryan and Geoff. 

After they’d gone around a few times, Geoff declares it’s time for a game. 

“What kind of game?” Jack asks. 

“I dunno, I’m tired of going around in circles.” Geoff shrugs. 

“How about tag?” Griffon smirks.

“Alright, you’re it!” Geoff lunges forward to tag her, but she moves quickly out the way and Geoff goes crashing into Ryan and the two fall down with a thud. 

“Oh my gosh, are you guys ok?” Griffon skates over to the mess of limbs that is now Ryan and Geoff. 

“Yeah...” Geoff grunts into a seating position. “Are you ok, Ryan?”

Ryan sits up and looks up. Jack, Barb, Ray and Michael are all staring at him. And the looks of concern on their faces is comical to him. He flashes a quick smile before looking down. 

“A smile!” Michael exclaims, before realizing that Ryan’s shoulders are quaking. “Is that mother fucker laughing?”

“He is!” Ray shouts, throwing his hands up. “He’s laughing!”

Ryan doesn’t know why it’s so funny, how they looked. But he can’t stop himself from having a laughing fit. The silent chuckles turn into full blown laughter and eventually it becomes contagious. The rest of the group goes into tear inducing laughter as well. 

Still, Ryan doesn’t know why it’s so funny. Inside it feels like real laughter, but he wonders if it’s just anxiety. If he’s just laughing because in reality he’s so uncomfortable and he missed Gavin so much. Maybe the laughter is just his substitute for crying out how much he feels off balance. Like he shouldn’t even be here without Gavin. 

That could be why, or it could be that Ryan just...really thinks this is all hilarious. Which, might just be the case. 

“Get up, asshole.” Geoff offers Ryan a hand again, this time, Ryan...hesitantly takes it. It still burns terribly, but he doesn’t mind as much. Ryan is grateful for be being treated so kindly. 

After skating for another while, with a successful game of tag finished, and by successful, Ryan means that he avoided being ‘it’, they sit down for pizza. It’d been a while since Ryan had pizza. He’d forgotten how much he enjoyed the simple food. 

“So...are we going after this?” Griffon asks. 

“Yeah, got homework.” Barbara answers. “I mean, you guys can stay...but I’m gonna head home.”

“I’m going with Barb.” Michael chimes in. 

“Oh, we should take a photo before we go.” Griffon points to the photo booth. 

“As if we could all fit in there.” Geoff rolls his eyes. 

“We can squeeze.” Griffon wipes her hands on a napkin. 

“Sure...” Geoff scoffs. 

Finished eating, Geoff and Michael sit on the bench in the photo booth. Griffon and Barbara on their laps. Ray kneels on the floor with Ryan and Jack pokes his head in. 

“Are we good? Can it see all of us?” Geoff asks. 

“We’re good, alright I’m pushing go.” Jack pushes the button and the number’s begin to count down. Ryan doesn’t do anything for the first one, the second one he sees everyone else making silly faces. He only had three seconds to pick what to do, and he sticks his tongue out and crosses his eyes. Ryan can’t believe that this is _actually_ fun. The booth takes two more photos, and again Ryan doesn’t do anything. But, the last one, the words ‘Big Smile!’ pop up on the screen, and the numbers begin to countdown. 

_I’m smiling for you Gavin, like I always do_. Ryan thinks as a broad smile spreads across his face. And with that, the pictures are over and they all stumble out of the booth. As the photos print, Griffon pulls them and looks at the strip. 

“Ryan, what a lovely smile.” She says and hands him his copy. “Too bad Michael, you’re not the only one with an adorable dimpled smile anymore.”

“Aw, no.” Michael says sarcastically. “My title of ‘Most Adorable Lad’ has been taken.”

“Hm, nah. I don’t think Ryan is a Lad.” Jack says, looking at the photos as well. “He has stubble, and he’s in a grade ahead of you guys.”

“Yeah, I think Ryan is just a young Gent.” Geoff decides and turns to Ryan. “Welcome to the Gents.”

“The what?” Ryan responds before he can stop himself from speaking. The fact that he was comfortable with them made him a bit upset. If he had  _more_ friends, that meant he just had more people to disappoint when he failed to be a normal human being again. 

“The Gents,” Geoff puts his arm around Jack’s shoulder. 

“It’s our team name.” Jack explains. “It doesn’t really mean anything, it’s just a silly title. But, it comes in handy when we play video games.”

“Lads vs Gents.” Geoff says. “Barbara or Griffon usually stand in for our third Gent because we’ve been outnumbered by one for a very long time. But, now it’ll be even when you come play.”

Ryan wanted to tell them that he didn’t want to come play. He didn’t want to spend more time with them, at least not without Gavin. He felt so out of place. But, he had an idea of how to see Gavin one more time today. 

As they left the building, Ryan watched them all exchange hugs. Ryan received several pats on the back. He didn’t want it, but he accepted them. The others left, and it was just Geoff, Griffon and Ryan standing on the sidewalk. 

“Do you want us to walk you home?” Geoff asks Ryan. 

“N-no,” Ryan shakes his head. “I’m ok.”

Griffon smiles softly. “It’s so lovely to hear your voice.” She says, Ryan looked at his feet. Unsure of how to respond. 

“I agree, today was amazing.” Geoff agrees. “Thank you for coming with us. You talking and laughing made the entire trip better.”

“Geoff’s right, it did.” Griffon nods. Ryan picks his head up and looks at the two of them. “We’ll see you tomorrow.”

“See ya.” Geoff waves and the two of them walk down Main Street hand in hand. 

And now, it was time for Ryan’s plan. 

 

_____________________________

Gavin stood at the stove, mixing the pasta sauce so it wouldn’t burn. The twins had just finished their homework with the caretaker, and she had just left. With that, the kids came to help Gavin cook.

“No, no.” Gavin took the salt shaker from his brother. “Not too much.”

“I like salt.” Came the response. 

“Too much salt is bad for you,” Gavin warns, shaking the spoon at him. He freezes when he hears a door close near the back of the home. The backdoor? It was either a robber...or Ryan.

“Someone just came in?” Lilly asks. 

“I...think so?” Gavin puts the spoon down on the counter and walks down into the hallway, stopping when he sees Ryan standing there with a Sweetie’s box. “James Ryan Haywood...what the hell?” Gavin puts his hands on his hips. 

“Hi,” Ryan responds. 

“What are you doing here?” Gavin wants to be upset with him for just barging in, but...he isn’t. 

“I wanted to see you.” Ryan gives a small smile. Finally, smiling felt right again. 

“I know you did, Ry.” Gavin walks over to him, closing the space between them to kiss his cheek. “How was hanging out with the gang?”

“It was fine, we-” Ryan stops talking when he notices two tiny people behind Gavin. “Who are your minions?”

“Oh!” Gavin jumps, when he sees them. “You guys!”

“Sorry, Gavvy.” The twins chorus. 

“Um, Ryan. This is Avery, this is Lilly.” Gavin introduces them, they wave at Ryan. “Avery, Lilly, this is Ryan.”

“Your boyfriend?” Lilly asks, a smile on her face. Gavin’s green eyes flicker up to Ryan. 

“That’s top secret.” Gavin answers the question, the corners of Ryan’s mouth twitch. “You two have to promise me you won’t tell Dad, ok?”

“We won’t!” They say. “If Ryan gives us cookies.”

“How many do you have?” Gavin raises a brow. 

“Six.” Ryan replies. 

“Do you mind if my ‘minions‘ have one?” Gavin smirks. 

“Sure.” Ryan shrugs. “I don’t mind.” Ryan feels comfortable talking in front of the kids for some reason. Maybe it’s because Gavin is here, maybe it’s because kids aren‘t as intimidating as adolescents and ‘grown ups‘. 

“Come this way,” Gavin reaches and takes Ryan’s free hand, leading him to the kitchen. The twins close behind. “I just want to make sure the food isn’t burning. You can go ahead and give them the cookies though.” Gavin turns to the stove and begins stirring things, opening the oven. 

Ryan turns to the children, opening the box. 

“Thank you,” They say. Avery takes a bite then goes to join Gavin at the stove. However, Lilly stays and stares at Ryan intently. 

“What?” He asks. 

“I knew you wouldn't be ugly.” She comments and Ryan’s eyebrows go up. 

“Did Gav tell you I’d be ugly or something?” Ryan chuckles. He scolds himself internally for laughing in front of yet another person today. 

“No, but I told Gavin that I didn’t know any ugly Ryan’s,” Lilly informs him. “Thank you for keeping the streak of cute Ryan’s going.”

“Um...” Ryan’s face heated up and he reached into the box for a cookie and bit into it, filling his mouth so he wouldn’t have to say anything further about that. He stifled a moan as he chewed into the always heavenly Sweetie’s cookie. 

“Oh, Ry?” Gavin says from across the kitchen. 

“Hm?” Ryan looks at him. 

“About cookies,” Gavin begins. “I want to give Sweetie’s a run for their money.”

“Impossible.” Ryan says with his mouth full. 

“I’m serious,” Gavin retorts. “I found a chocolate chip cookie recipe online, and I want to try it.”

“Well, good luck.” Ryan shrugs. 

“No,” Gavin turns from the stove. “What I mean, is that I want to try making them with you.”

“Oh...” Ryan nibbles on the cookie. 

“Yeah, I asked Burnie if we could stay and bake after school sometime.”

“What’d he say?” 

“He said yes,” Gavin smiles. “But only if we tell him in advance, and give him a cookie.”

“Sounds good.” Ryan nods. 

“Do you want to stay for dinner? Dad won’t be home til later.”

“Um,” Ryan thinks about it. “I was actually going to head home, Mimi should be back from her appointment. I want to make sure she’s alright. Also, I have to make dinner for her.”

“Shit, that’s right.” Gavin covers his mouth realizes he’s cursed in front of the kids. “Sorry, guys.”

“It’s ok, we’ll go play so you can have a grown up talk.” Lilly pulls Avery out of the kitchen. 

“Nice to meet you, Ryan.” They chorus as they leave, Ryan waves. 

“I can’t believe I forgot about that.” Gavin frowns, holds a hand to his jaw. “I hope she’s alright.”

“Me too...” Ryan frowns. “Also, thanks for offering me dinner. I ate so much pizza at the rink, though.”

“How’d that go?” Gavin smiles softly. Ryan pulls the pictures from his pocket and hands them to him. Gavin looks at them and he gasps. “Ryan, you smiled!”

“I did better than that.” Ryan smirks. “Geoff knocked me onto my ass and I burst out laughing.”

“You  _what_?” Gavin’s eyes go wide, along with his smile. “That’s great! Did you talk?”

“A little...” Ryan nods. 

“Oh my gosh!” Gavin wraps his arms around Ryan’s neck. “You’ve been amazing today!” Gavin feels Ryan’s arms around his waist. 

“Thanks.”

“I’m so proud of you!” Gavin looks into Ryan’s eyes. “You’re incredible!”

“Gav...” Ryan blushes and they are still for a moment. In each other’s arms and eyes locked. Gavin’s eyes go to Ryan’s lips. 

“Um,” Gavin breathed before pushing himself forward. There is almost contact before Avery bursts into the kitchen. Gavin curses internally. “Avery!”

“Sorry, sorry! But Dad just pulled into the driveway!” He announces. 

“Fuck,” Gavin curses under his breath so Avery wouldn’t hear. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Wait,” Ryan slips a cookie into Gavin’s apron pocket. Gavin chuckles. 

“Thanks for that.” Gavin walks Ryan down the hall and Ryan flashes a quick smile. 

“Hey,” Ryan says as Gavin opens the backdoor. 

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” 

Ryan says the words and Gavin’s lips part. It’s almost like he’s forgotten how to breathe, but he manages to say it back before Ryan heads out the door. 

“I love you, too.” Gavin takes Ryan’s face in his hands, peppering kisses onto his cheek. They both move away from each other as they hear a car door close. “I’ll call you tonight to ask how Mimi’s doing...and to talk, if you want.”

“Please do,” Ryan nods then steps out of the house and Gavin sighs, not wanting him to leave. “See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah...you will.” Gavin nods and closes the door when Ryan begins walking away. 

_____________________________

Ryan walked into the farm house and into the kitchen, no sign of Mimi. Her jacket still gone from its hook, her cane also gone. Ryan brought his eyes up to the clock. It was passed 6pm, and still no Mimi. 

Ryan wasn’t going to worry about it, worrying wasn’t going to help anyway. But...maybe talking to Gavin would help him feel better, so...he sent Gavin a text. 

 

> **Ryan** : She’s not here
> 
> **Gavin** : She’ll be there soon, Ry :)
> 
> **Ryan** : I know, I’m just worried...
> 
> **Gavin** : Do you need me to call?
> 
> **Ryan** : No, no. That’s alright. 
> 
> **Gavin** : Are you sure? Don’t lie to me. Let me take care of you if you need it.
> 
> **Ryan** : I’m not lying, I’ll talk to you later
> 
> **Gavin** : Hm, alright. I’ll call in a few hours to check up on you two 
> 
> **Ryan** : Thanks, Gav

 

Ryan sighed and put his phone is his pocket, after washing his hands, he got started on dinner. 

~*~

Ryan covered the dinner with aluminum foil when he was done. With another sigh, he glanced at the clock again. It was 7:30 PM. Mimi had only been out this late once, when she’d gone to play cards with a few of her friends who were in town earlier in the month. Something wasn’t right and Ryan could feel it in his stomach. He could barely sit still, legs shaking as he sat at the kitchen table. 

He wanted to call Gavin, to hear his voice and be distracted from the too silent, too empty house. But he...he didn’t want to feel dependent on Gavin. His therapist’s words ringing in his head about having to be ok on his own. 

But, Gavin said...to let him take care of Ryan, if he needed it. And right now, it felt like he needed Gavin more than he needed air. He was about to break down and call Gavin when he heard the front door open. 

“Walk slow and steady, alright?” He heard a husky male voice say, followed by Mimi’s soft chuckle. 

“Not as spry as I was this afternoon, I’m afraid.” She sounded apologetic in her tone. “Thank you for this.”

“That’s alright, you just focus on feeling better.” The voice replied. Ryan rose from his seat as they entered. The man was one of the farm workers, the one who usually escorts Mimi to her away from home activities, like going to the doctor and things like that. 

The man nodded his head to Ryan as he passed by, taking Mimi to her bedroom. Mimi seemed to be avoiding Ryan’s eyes, she didn’t even acknowledge him. 

“You rest up now, alright?” Ryan heard the man say to Mimi followed by her responding so softly, that Ryan couldn’t even make out what she was saying. 

The man remerged from the room moment later, and he stopped to look at Ryan. The boy folded his arms and looked down. 

“Can I talk to you, for a minute?” The man asks. Ryan shrugged his arms. “Let’s do this outside.”

Ryan picked his head up and saw the seriousness on the man’s face. He nodded and followed him out the backdoor of the farm house. 

“Listen, I know you don’t talk and everything.” The man began. “But I hope you’ll understand what I’m saying.”

Ryan wanted to roll his eyes. Of course he’d understand him, he wasn’t deaf. 

“Ms. Amy isn’t doing so well,” The man began. Ryan hadn’t heard anyone call his grandmother Amy since his grandfather had passed away. “It’s catching up with her and...”

_What is?_  Ryan wanted to ask, but the words wouldn’t come out. 

“If you need any help with her...if you can’t handle taking care of her anymore, then we can step it. Ms. Amy is the reason I have food on my table for my boys, and a roof over our heads. I’d...I’d do anything I can to help. Just, please don’t send her away to some nursing home or something.” The man looked down at his hands. “Ms. Amy deserves to be treated well. She deserves to be comfortable in her own home.”

Ryan heard the man sniffle. 

“That’s all I wanted to say, I didn’t want her to hear me say anything about a nursing home...or you not being able to care for her. I don’t want her to worry about you, or anything. I’m sure you’ve got it under control and all.” The man sniffled again, used the back of his hand to wipe his eyes. Ryan had never seen a grown man cry before. 

“Well,” The man shuddered a deep breath. “Have a good night.” He turned and began walking down the dirt path and off the property. He must live nearby, because he didn’t have a car. 

Ryan ran over what he’d just heard. Something’s catching up with Mimi? He’d thought that she was just going for a checkup...was it something more than that? 

The man seemed to think that Ryan knew what ‘it’ was, but he didn’t. That meant Mimi was keeping something from him, and that hurt. He had a lump in his throat that he couldn’t swallow down. Not like the ones that kept him from talking...but the kind that meant he was going to cry. Ryan didn’t want to cry. 

He took a deep breath of the Texas evening air, and walked back into the house. He glanced at the covered dinner on the stove as he passed it. He knew Mimi wasn’t going to want to eat it now. Especially if she wasn’t feeling well. 

As he walked through the kitchen, emotion swam through him. Things he hasn’t really felt before. It felt like fear, but not the usual kind. It felt like sadness, but not the usual kind. He didn’t know what to do with them. Was it something he could pour onto the pages of his notebook when he went upstairs? Did he need to talk to Gavin to get them out? 

He was willing to do anything...he just didn’t want to cry. 

Standing outside of Mimi’s bedroom, he struggling to walk any further. He didn’t want to see her...like this. He could tell by the extra assistance that she needed to get into the house, that she was weak. Far weaker than Ryan has ever seen her. 

“Ryan?” Her voice came too soon, he wasn’t ready to go in. But, his feet started moving before he even realized. 

_No_. Ryan wanted to stop himself. 

“I’m sorry I’ve come in so late.” Mimi sighed. “I wanted to call you, but...I was afraid that I’d ruin your fun if you were spending time with Gavin. I was hoping you’d be out later than I was.”

_No_. Ryan saw the foot of the bed, he could smell the vintage perfume she wore when she went out. 

“Did you spend time with Gavin today?” She asked. Ryan stopped at the foot of her bed, refusing to let his body go any further. He didn’t want to see her face. He kept his eyes down. His heart was beating so hard that he could feel it in his throat. 

Ryan reached into his pocket and handed her the pictures from today. Mimi gasped when she saw it. 

“Who are all of these people, Ryan?” She asks. Looking at all of the ones. “Are they your friends? I’ve never heard you talk about this many people before.”

“Geoff, Griffon, Barbara, Michael, Ray and Jack.” Ryan pointed to each face. 

“They all seem very nice.” Mimi let Ryan put the photo away before she started talking again. “Ryan, I’m so sorry that I didn’t call.”

“It’s ok.”

“No it’s not...” 

“Why not?” Ryan asks.

“Because, I owed you that much.” 

“Are...” Ryan swallowed around the lump in his throat. “Are you sick? Like...really sick?”

“I’m fine.” Mimi answered. Ryan still hasn’t looked at her yet. 

“Why are you lying to me?” Ryan frowned. “It’s too late for the phone call, but if you think you owed me that much, then tell me what’s wrong with you.” 

Ryan’s words hang in the air because they’re the only thing amongst the silence. Mimi didn’t say anything else after that. She pulled the blanket up higher to her chin and closed her eyes.

That’s when Ryan looked at her. She looked different than this morning. Her skin looks like it’s gotten paper thin, and paler. She looks like a breeze could sweep her away, or that if Ryan touched her, she might break. Ryan can’t keep his lower lip from trembling and he’s glad Mimi can’t see it. 

“I’d like to sleep now,” Mimi makes eye contact with him. She has tears in her eyes too. “Thank you for making dinner, what’d you cook?”

“I’ll put it in the fridge.” Ryan doesn’t answer her question. 

“Thank you.” She nods, accepting his response. 

“I’m going to sleep down here, so I can help you to the bathroom or whatever else you might need.”

“You don’t have to do that, I can manage just f-”

“I’m going to do that.” Ryan states, not leaving room for argument. Mimi simply nods. “I’m going upstairs for a little while. I’m not quite ready to sleep, but I’ll be back down when I am.”

“Alright, thank you so much.” Mimi smiles softly. 

“Goodnight.” Ryan gets up, running up the stairs as if something was chasing him. 

When he arrived in his bedroom he closed the door behind him gently and made his way to his desk. He pulled the pictures from the roller rink out of his pocket laying them on the table as he began writing on a note he wanted to put alongside it. 

**“Went roller skating. I laughed, I smiled and I talked. But fuck, Gavin. I missed you like crazy.”**  

This note was unlike all of the others in the sense that it was as if he were talking to Gavin, which was strange. He debated throwing the note out and writing another one that was more like the others. A simple explanation...but it felt right. He wondered if Gavin would ever see it. It’s likely, Gavin noticed everything. 

Ryan pinned the pictures and the note up and examined it. He read the note again, then turned away from the cork-board. Then, he looked at his phone. Even though he had mixed feelings about it, he called Gavin. The phone was answered on the second ring. 

“Ryan!” Gavin chirped. “How’s everything going over there?”

Ryan didn’t say anything as he sat on his bed. 

“Are you ok?” Gavin asked, again Ryan didn’t say anything. “Do...you need anything? Should I come there?”

“No.” Ryan brings his knees to his chest. 

“Oh, well...alright.” Gavin could hear it in Ryan’s voice that everything wasn’t alright. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Something’s wrong with Mimi...” Ryan choked out. 

“What?” Gavin breathed. “Something like what? Is she...sick?”

“He said that ‘it’s catching up with her’ and he said that if I couldn’t take care of her myself, that’d he’d help.” Ryan closed his eyes tightly. “I don’t know what the hell is happening.”

“What’s catching up with her?”

“I don’t fucking know, Gavin.” Ryan shakes his head. “I want normal.”

“Huh?”

“I want normal.” Ryan repeats. “I want everything to be fine. I want my days to be predictable. I want to know that things will be the same everyday. Where everything is just as fine when I wake up as they are when I go to bed.”

“You don’t want that.” Gavin responds. 

“What?” Ryan frowns. “Yes I do!”

“No you don’t!” Gavin’s voice raises. “You told me that you looked for things that are different! That it’s what drives you!”

“Not anymore!” Ryan shakes his head hard. 

“Well that’s not fucking realistic, Ryan!” Gavin curses. “Reality isn’t like that! Reality is really bloody fucked up and things happen that you don’t like!”

“But-”

“No buts!” Gavin hisses. “If you don’t face the fact that shit happens, you’re going to lose your grip on reality just like your mother!”

Ryan got quiet. Gavin’s words hurt like having a ton of bricks dropped on him. But, he was right and Ryan could never fault him for that. So, he took a deep breath and calmly spoke. 

“I just want Mimi to be ok.” Ryan said slowly. 

“I know you do, I do too.” Gavin takes a deep breath as well. “Sorry for..bringing up your mum at a time like this.”

“I needed you to,” Ryan assures him. “I don’t...want to end up like that.”

“You won’t.”

“Don’t be so sure.”

“Please don’t say that, don’t leave me.” Gavin’s voice is a whisper and Ryan checks the volume on his phone to make sure he hadn’t lowered it. He presses the phone back to his ear. 

“I won’t leave you.”

“Good,” Gavin smiles, but it fades again. “Are you ok?”

“You already asked.”

“You didn’t answer, though.” Gavin reminds him. 

“I’m fine.” Ryan says, but it feels like a lie. “Well, I don’t know.”

“Talk to me.”

“I...I want you here, and I hate that Mimi is ill and you two are so important to me.” Ryan sighs. “I just want both of you to be ok.”

“Well, I’m just fine, so don’t worry.” Gavin sits on his bed. “Just be there for Mimi, and who knows, maybe she’ll be fine too. But, you need to be there for her, no matter what happens.”

“Yeah...”

“You don’t even know what’s wrong, maybe it’s not as bad as it seems.”

“What’s going to happen to me?” Ryan asks, his eyes are staring off into space, and he doesn’t quite feel like he’s in his room anymore. 

“What do you mean?”

“If Mimi...goes.” Ryan says. “Will I go too?”

“No, Ryan.” Gavin shakes his head. 

“Will they send me away somewhere? I’m still a minor.”

“You won’t be in December.” 

“I want to stay here.”

“Ryan, stop thinking about it.” Gavin frowns. “Mimi is still here, so are you, so am I.”

“I want to see you.”

“Do...you have a computer?”

“Nope.”

“Ryan, you’re a teenaged boy. You need a computer.”

“For what?”

“Where do you type your papers?” Gavin asks. 

“School’s library.” Ryan shrugs. “Or maybe the public library, if I need to.”

“But, you need one for other stuff too.”

“Like what?”

“Um,” Gavin blushes as he thinks about all the things he uses his for. “Stuff.”

“Alright?” Ryan raises a brow. 

“Anyway,” Gavin clears his throat. “I was asking because we could Skype, if you had one.”

“Oh, I could download it on my phone.”

“It’d be better on the computer.”

“Eh,” Ryan says. “Well, I don’t have money to toss around for a computer.”

“There’s a laptop here no one uses. It’s not...that new.” Gavin thinks for a moment. “Maybe I could give it to you, until you get your own.”

“What?”

“Do you want it?” Gavin asks. 

“You can’t just give someone a laptop, Gavin.”

“You can if you have one.”

“Won’t your father notice?”

“I mean, no one uses it...so I don’t see why he’d give a damn.”

“I don’t want it.” Ryan shakes his head. “Besides, I’ll see you tomorrow. In person.”

“Yeah, but what about when I have to go to the UK?” Gavin asks. “And you won’t be able to see me everyday?”

“What...? Are you moving back?” Ryan’s heart sank.

“What?” Gavin chuckles. “No, Ryan. I meant...for winter break.”

“You’re leaving?”

“Just for a little while.”

“I don’t like it already.” Ryan frowned. “You should’ve told me sooner...”

“I didn’t really think about it too much until now.” Gavin admitted. 

“You’ll be gone Christmas...and New Years.” Ryan frowned. “Those are times I’d really love to be with you.”

“I’d love to be with you too then, Ry. But...my family and-”

“I understand, it still sucks though.”

“But, guess what?”

“What?” Ryan lays on his back.

“This weekend is our heist.” Gavin says.

“Yeah, I know.”

“After that is Halloween.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Then, I’m not going to be grounded anymore.” Gavin smiles. “And we can spend time together after school without worrying about it.”

“Well, that’s exciting.” Ryan felt a smile blossom on his face.

“And then, it’s Thanksgiving break.” Gavin states. “I’ve never celebrated it, but I’d love to spend my first with you and Mimi.”

“Aw,” Ryan felt more excitement bubbling up in his chest. 

“Then comes winter...and your birthday in December.” Gavin finishes listing the exciting things. “I’ll be gone for a little while after that, but...then I’ll be back. And I’ll be all yours again.”

“Gav,” Ryan’s smile fades slowly. “I was planning on going to see my mom in November.” 

“Oh...” Gavin says. “Well, I’m coming with you for that, remember? You asked me.”

“You really don’t have to. It’d be nice but-”

“I’m coming with you. I want to be there, and I want to meet her.”

“Ok,” Ryan sits up again. “You  **don’t**  want to meet her.”

“Says who?”

“Says me.”

“I do, I want to see where my Ryan comes from.”

“Ew,” Ryan crinkles his nose.

“I meant Georgia, you arsehole.” Gavin rolls his eyes, Ryan starts laughing.

“I thought you meant my mother.”

“Shut up.”

“God...” Ryan wipes his hand over his face. 

“What?”

“I love you, Gavin.” Ryan lays back down again and Gavin wants to pretend he didn’t hear him say it so he’ll say it again, but...he has all the time in the world to hear Ryan say those words to him. 

“I love you, too.” Gavin responds and closes his eyes. 

“I don’t want to go to school tomorrow.”

“What would you rather be doing?”

“Laying on our backs, looking up at the sky on the picnic tables. Laying in bed talking to you.” Ryan shrugs. “I dunno, anything you’re doing...I wanna do it, too.”

“Well, Mr. Haywood,” Gavin giggles. “I’ll be in school, so then you’ll be, too.”

“Eh,” Ryan chuckles. “I should’ve thought my statement out better.”

“You should’ve.” Gavin is still smiling. “Hey,”

“Hm?”

“What are you doing?”

“Laying here.”

“I was there with you last night.” Gavin smiles, remembering. 

“I wish you were now.”

“Close your eyes.”

“Uh, ok.” Ryan closes them. “Now what?”

“If I talk, does it feel like I’m there?” 

“Kind of,” Ryan opens his eyes again. “Gavin?”

“Yeah?”

“Why does it feel like you’re so far away when you’re just a few streets over?”

“Maybe because we’re never close enough.” Gavin shrugs. “Even when I’m there, even in your arms, I just want to be closer.”

“What do you think that means?”

“One day we’ll know.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love you guys :) <3
> 
> UPDATE: Hey guys, if any of you are reading this since I've posted it. Today is the 24th of September and I'm rereading the chapter to get inspiration to write the next, and I'm reading the part about Mimi coming home, and Ryan talking to Gavin about it...and OWIE. I'm literally screaming "Ryan no! He's just a baby! What have I done!?" and it's so embarrassing to get so emotional over something I've written myself. But owwwww, poor Ryan, poor Mimi...owwww.
> 
> Anyway, talk to you all soon <3


	18. Robin Hood & Eyes Dusted with Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Gavin, I think you’ve always been mine. Is that weird?” He pauses in thought. “Like, I was always meant to find you. That all the shitty parts of my life, happened so that when the time came for me to meet you...that I’d need you. Because, otherwise...we never would’ve met.” He turns to look at Gavin. “Does that make sense?”
> 
> “It makes all the sense in the world.” Gavin takes his free hand to wipe at the corners of his eyes. “Ready?”
> 
> “Yeah.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> You guys...it took me ten thousand years to write this.  
> It's 32K+ and that is huge! I'm not 100% satisfied and I'm already working on the next chapter. 
> 
> Becky, my lovely beta, as always...saved my life with this one.  
> I think my English is getting worse or something because, the typos, you guys...!
> 
> Anyway, so this chapter is really long. I'm proud of it for its good moments, then the others I'm like 'what have I done??'
> 
> That being said, I MIGHT go back through and edit some things. I'll talk about it in the chapter notes if I change anything. Please tell me what you all think? I really wanna know if I'm going in the right direction with this!
> 
> I wanted to edit it again before I posted it, but it's already been so long and I thought I'd post it now while I'm somewhat satisfied rather than leaving you all hanging for another week or whatever. 
> 
> I'm so so so sorry for the wait, I hope you all enjoy!
> 
> And as Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

Thursday morning, Gavin woke up to his alarm clock blaring, which was normal. But, what wasn’t usual was hearing the TV on in the living room. Maybe the kids got up early and wanted to watch cartoons. It didn’t sound like cartoons. It was more like the morning news and traffic reports. His father was still home?

Gavin looked at the abbreviated date on the clock. No, it wasn’t the weekend. His father usually only stuck around the house on the weekends. With a grunt, Gavin hopped out of bed. As he exited the his bedroom, he stopped short, seeing the twins poking their heads out of their door. 

“Gavin,” Lilly frowned. “What’s Daddy still doing here?”

“I don’t know, you guys just get ready for school.” Gavin replied. He peeked his head over the railing that looked above the long hallway that goes from the front door to the backdoor. He isn’t sure why he does it, Gavin can’t see the living room from there. Just the archway. 

He slowly came down the stairs. As he turned left towards the living room, he heard his father chuckling ruefully. 

“Some people think they have it so hard,” The man says. Gavin heard his father’s lips come away from a glass bottle. He had no doubt what was in it. It was barely seven in the morning. 

“Dad?” Gavin stands in the archway. His father double takes a look at him. 

“W’the hell aren’t you dressed for school? Where are the kids?” He asks. 

“It’s not time for us to be ready yet.” Gavin informs him. “I just woke up.”

“Well, go get ready then.”

“Um,” Gavin stood there awkwardly. He wanted to leave, but he couldn’t. His father furrowed his brow when Gavin didn’t walk away. 

“What are you bloody staring at?” 

“Why are you...not at work?” Gavin asks, flinching as he does. Usually, whenever Gavin questioning anything he did, his father responded by exploding at him for being nosy. 

“Oh,” His father gave a smirk, holding up his beer. “I’m sick, taking the day off.”

“Are...” Gavin folded his arms protectively. “Are you actually sick?”

“The fuck do you think?” The man responds, turning his head back to the television. “Go get ready for school.”

“Have you had breakfast?” 

“I haven’t eaten breakfast...in a damn while that’s for sure.” He doesn’t look at Gavin as he speaks. 

“I’m going to make the kids and I food, would you like something?” Gavin doesn’t know why he’s offering kindness. It’s not like the man has done anything to earn it. 

“What?”

“I said, do you want-”

“No, I fucking heard you.” His father turns to him. “Don’t make shit for me.”

Gavin grimaced as his father’s response leaves a sour taste in his mouth. At that, the boy turns on his heels. 

“Gav,” His father stops him. 

“Yes?” He turns back.

“Make sure the kids pretend I’m not here.” He says. “I’m taking a day off, not baby sitting.”

“They’re your children!” Gavin hisses, unable to hold it back. “I bloody remember when you used to act like it!”

“Are you raising your fucking voice at me?” The man stood up and Gavin stumbled back reflexively. 

“N-no,” Gavin shakes his head. “Sorry.”

“It’s too late to apologize.” The man approached, beer bottle still in his hand. Gavin avoided his eyes as his father got close enough for Gavin to smell the booze on his breath. He could feel himself shaking. “Look at me.”

Gavin didn’t move and the man took his jaw roughly. The boy intakes a sharp breath as they make eye contact. His father has blue eyes, but they’re nothing like Ryan’s. His father had eyes that were icy and unfriendly. They were tired and almost empty. Gavin remembers when they didn’t used to look like this. 

However, it was like his father’s kindness had died along with his wife. All that was left was this unfriendly, unhappy man who made everyone feel as bad as he did every chance he got. 

“Who puts your food on your plate and the roof over you head?” His father asks. Gavin’s jaw hurts where it’s being held. 

“Y-you do.” Gavin responds. 

“Fucking act like it, show me some respect.” His father let him go, turning back to walk into the living room. He sat on the couch and tipped his head back to finish the bottle. 

_How am I supposed to respect someone like you?_  Gavin thinks, rubbing his hand on his jaw before turning and walking up the stairs. 

As he reached the top, he saw the kids sitting on the floor, wearing their school uniforms. Gavin usually spends the time he’d just wasted on his father to shower before he made the twins breakfast. But today, since he was a bit behind schedule, he was just going to wait and shower later. Right now, he was just going to get dressed. 

Before he went into his room, he stopped to make sure Lilly and Avery were alright. 

“Hey,” Gavin stooped down in front of them.

“Daddy sounds mad...” Avery pressed his chin to his knees. 

“Why is he still home?” Lilly tilted her head up to her big brother. 

“You guys,” Gavin sighs. “Dad is...sick, it’s just a bad headache and tummy ache. He says to make sure you’re quiet and let him relax so he can feel better.”

“Is he going to get better?” Avery’s large blue eyes got watery. Gavin got onto his knees and opened his arms to both of them. The three siblings embraced. 

“Of course he is.” Gavin kissed their foreheads. 

“Why is he sick?” Avery hugs onto Gavin tighter. 

“Everyone gets sick everyone in a while.” Gavin says. “Remember when I had the stomach flu over the summer?” 

“Yeah,” The little boy nods. “You were gross.”

“Haha, yeah. I was.” Gavin agrees. “But, it was just my turn to be ill, I guess. It just happens, so don’t worry about Dad, ok? He’s tough.”

_If all that drinking hasn’t killed him yet, he’s bloody invincible._  Gavin stands up, letting them go.

“I’m going to throw on some clothes, then I’ll go make breakfast. Something pretty simple.”

“Ok.” They chorused. 

“If you go downstairs, don’t go into the living room. Dad’s trying to get better, remember?” Gavin asks. 

They nod. Then, Gavin slips into his bedroom to get ready.

_____________________________

Ryan was running behind schedule as well. He jogged to his and Gavin’s halfway point. As he got closer, he saw Gavin standing at the end of his street, waiting for the few cars to pass so he could walk across to where Ryan now stood. Ryan waved when they made eye contact. Gavin waved back...kind of. He raised his hand and lowered it quickly. 

The Brit didn’t have his usual spark, and Ryan could tell that from here. He was concerned. As Gavin crossed the street he looked at the ground. Once he was in front of Ryan, the older male wanted to apologize first. 

“I’m sorry, Gav. I’m pretty late.” Ryan says. “Mimi still isn’t 100% so I didn’t want to leave her alone. I waited until the workers arrived. I don’t know if it’s going to be a usual thing now. I might be a bit later than usual again tomorrow. I’m really really sorry.” 

Gavin nodded.

“But, we’ll have the weekend, and we’ll see how she’s feeling after that.” Ryan shrugs. “Maybe then we won’t have to worry about it.”

Gavin doesn’t say anything.

"Speaking of Mimi, yesterday...when you pulled me out of my advisory, saying that the office needed me for something urgent..." Ryan looks down. "I thought that something had happened to Mimi, and they were calling me home."

"Sorry." Gavin feels even worse than he did already that morning.

"It's ok." Ryan smiled. "I could tell by how you were acting that it wasn't anything serious. And, I was really happy when I found out we got to spend time together by ourselves. I mean, before going with everyone else. It like...gave me a boost."

When Gavin didn't say anything else, Ryan gets more nervous. The younger male isn’t usually the one to be silent.

“Are you ok?” Ryan’s eyebrows knit together. Gavin nods, but of course, Ryan doesn’t buy it. “Talk to me.”

“I’m fine, Ryan.” Gavin lies and starts walking, but Ryan stops him. 

“Fuck,” Ryan curses, turning Gavin back to face him. “Just tell me what’s wrong? I’m not going to chase after you for answers!” He goes quiet for a second. “Ok, to be honest...I will chase you for answers if I have to. But I don’t want to do that. So just tell me.”

“I don’t see what the bloody difference is, ya know?” Gavin sputters a pained laugh. “My father used to have a bit more to drink during the time of my mother’s death. Sure, and I couldn’t say I blamed him for the extra glass of whiskey or something. But, my god.”

“Huh?”

“My father, Ryan.” Gavin frowns. “He took off from work today, claiming he was sick. He’s sitting on a couch drinking.”

“Oh...” Ryan frowns too. 

“If he makes a habit of this, he’ll lose his job. Then, what the hell happens to us? I’m not going to be eighteen for two years.”

Ryan hears Gavin say that, and it hits him a bit. What Gavin just said is very true. Ryan is going to eighteen this year. Sometimes he forgot the age difference between them. Ryan never really thought about things like that. He loved Gavin, and that was that. Nothing else mattered. But, he still hadn’t thought about...that. 

Gavin had two more years until ‘adult hood’ and two more years until he finished high school. Ryan had one more year of high school. He didn’t start kindergarten until he was six years of age. So he was generally older than the people in his grade, and he wouldn’t graduate high school until he was nineteen. 

But, Ryan was wondering a lot of things now. Is Gavin planning on staying here to finish out high school? Does his visa last two more years? When Ryan is out of high school and Gavin is not, what will happen?

Ryan returned his attention to hear Gavin building upon his point he’d first brought up.

“I don’t see what the difference is, Ry?” Gavin groaned. “He used to always drink around the time of her death...but that was a month ago! And he’s still keeping up the habit.”

“Well, maybe-”

“He never did this when Sam was around.” Gavin folded his arms against himself like he had earlier. “Sam could always keep him in check. But, my father won’t even listen to me.”

“Gav,” Ryan stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the Brit. “Your dad is like me.”

“What the hell?” Gavin asks. “How?”

“Because, it’s nice to have people in our lives to help us when we’re having a hard time, but....we have to get to a place where we’re able to be alright on our own.”

“I...I guess, but Ry-”

“No buts.” Ryan shakes his head. “Don’t compare yourself to your brother. You’re not him, you’re not ever going to be him and you’re not supposed to be him.”

Gavin avoided Ryan’s eyes. 

“Your father doesn’t listen to you, and it sucks.” Ryan says, frowning apologetically. “It’s not because you’re not your brother, it’s because your father is...I don’t know. He’s kind of...off.”

“I guess.”

“And who knows, even if your brother was here...maybe your father is so fucked up now that not even Sam could help him out?”

“Maybe you're right.” Gavin tries to smile, but it falters immediately. “He hurt me...my jaw.”

“He hit you?” Ryan’s eyes narrowed. 

“No, he just grabbed me hard...”

“Where, babe?” Ryan’s eyebrows come together again and Gavin tries not to make a big deal out of Ryan calling him ‘babe’. It’s so strange, but amazing to hear on Ryan’s lips. 

“Um,” Gavin runs his fingertips over his chin area. 

“Hold still.” Ryan takes Gavin’s face in his hands. Gavin bites his lower lip as Ryan presses the first kiss to the center of Gavin’s chin. He then slowly presses kisses to every area around Gavin’s chin. The Brit giggles a bit at the soft noises Ryan’s lips make as they separate from his skin. It’s adorable as hell. 

“There.” Ryan says when he’s finished. “Better?

“Thank you, Ry.” Gavin smiles, his natural glow back again. 

“Good, you’re welcome.” Ryan smiles back at Gavin. “You did that for me after you pinched my face too hard.” He reminds Gavin, pulling his phone from his pocket to check the time. “Fuck, we’re going to be late.”

“We’re going to have to sign into the office.” Gavin takes Ryan’s hand as they began their walk to school. “At least we have a class together today.”

“Not the first class.”

“Still, I like having class with you.”

Upon late arrival, students have to fill in a special sign-in sheet, stating the time of their arrival and their reason for being late. No one ever takes the list seriously and they usually write silly things, even put goofy names. Ryan and Gavin signed in late.

 

**Student Name** : Gavizzle Frizzle

**Date** : 23 October 2014

**Time of Arrival** : Late as nobs

**Reason** : Life, man. Life.

 

**Student Name** : J.R.H

**Date** : 10/23/14

**Time of Arrival** : Apparently, late as nobs. 

**Reason** : Got abducted by strange lifeforms, they didn’t beam me down from their ship until...just now. My apologies, humans. I mean kind office staff.

 

Gavin looked over Ryan’s shoulders to see why it was taking Ryan so long to sign in. He gurgled ‘Gavin noises’ at what Ryan had written. Ryan flashed him a smile, the first of his Gavin’s seen all day. They hugged and went their separate ways to their first classes. 

_____________________________

Geoff and Griffon sat side by side at computers in the school library. Griffon was clacking away on the keyboard, sending a thank you email to one of the athletes she’d interviewed. Compared to her previous first two, this person had actually been very nice and easy to work with. Apart from sending a thank you email, when she got the chance, she was also going to send a thank you letter to their PO box, though they’d probably never bother reading it. They were on a tight tour schedule, going from university to university to give lectures to the students about overcoming difficulties. Like the athlete herself has prosthetic legs after being in a terrible car crash as a teen. 

Griffon turned her head when she saw Geoff staring off into space instead of doing any work. 

“Geoff,” She speaks in a hushed voice as not to disturb the other students. 

“Hm?” He replied lazily. 

“You don’t have anything to work with for your project?”

“I mean, I haven’t started really doing anything with it yet.” 

“That’s insane,” Griffon scoffed. “Have you asked anyone other than Ryan? And why haven’t you done his interview yet?”

“I...don’t want to scare him off. I feel like Ryan’s responses to the questions would be super unique and awesome. But he’s so shy, I don’t wanna get him in front of the camera and have him freak the hell out and then lose probably the best person I could possibly interview.” Geoff admits. 

“You’re already putting too much weight on Ryan’s shoulders,” Griffon states. “If you count on all of your good content coming from Ryan, and he doesn’t pull through or something, you’re going to be fucked.”

“He’ll do great, I’m sure of it!” Geoff retorts, earning a few shushes from the other students. 

“Even if he does, that doesn’t mean you don’t have to ask anyone else to be in your video. Hurry up and ask other people before they have other obligations.”

“But-”

“Hurry up,” Griffon warns again then turns back to her own computer. 

“Do you have Ryan’s phone number?” Geoff sighs. 

“I don’t.” She shakes her heard. “I’m pretty sure Gavin is the only one of us who does.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” 

“Why do you need his number? Can’t you just ask him in person whatever you need to ask him?” Griffon raises a brow.

“Maybe, but it’d be easier for him to type than talk I bet.” Geoff points out.

“Sure, I guess.” Griffon shrugs. 

“I’ll ask Gav for Ryan’s number later.”

_____________________________

Ryan came into the classroom and saw Gavin sitting at their usual spot. The blonde boy was sitting and talking to Barbara. They seemed to be talking about something serious because Gavin’s eyebrows were knit together. As Ryan made his way to his seat next to Gavin, he heard the Brit say the word ‘dance’. So, Ryan decided to pay attention too. 

“Hey, Ry.” Gavin reached to his left and pet the older male’s leg, but he didn’t turn to face him. 

“Hi, Ryan!” Barbara leaned over Gavin’s right side to see him. Ryan waved to her and rested his elbows on his desk to see her as well. 

“Anyway,” Gavin says, letting his hand rest on Ryan’s leg. “Who is going to cater the desserts for the dance now since the other place had to opt out?”

“Well, Sweetie’s said that they’d give us desserts.” Barbra informs him. 

Ryan’s jaw went slack and he leaned passed Gavin to see Barbara again. Gavin tuned his head to look at Ryan and he stifled a laugh at Ryan’s face. Barbara didn’t notice Ryan’s expression because she’d gone on talking already.

“Yeah, it’s great because Sweetie’s has amazing treats. Ya know?” She says. “But since I convinced Sweetie’s to cater for the Monster Bash,” Barbara takes a hair tie that she’d been wearing around her wrist and used it to put her hair up. “I have to work extra hard to keep my boss on my good side. He keeps saying ‘This is your school right, Barbie? You better keep yourself on check so I can tell them good things about you.’ and I’m like, ugh. It sucks because I feel like he shouldn’t be able to blackmail me, but whatever.”

“I agree, he shouldn’t.” Gavin agrees.

“Once the dance is over, things could go back to normal.” Barbara shrugs and opens her planner to write the homework assignment down. 

Ryan’s jaw practically falls off. The whole point of the heist was to hijack the snacks and bring them to his and Gavin’s private party. But... he gets to loot Sweetie’s desserts?? 

_Yesss_. Ryan bites his bottom lip to keep himself from smiling. 

“Now that I know there will be Sweetie’s at the dance, I wish Ry and I were going.” Gavin says apologetically to Barbara. 

“Psh,” Barbara sputters. “You two are going to be too busy making out somewhere to even care about the dance.” 

Gavin blushed and looked over at Ryan again, who’d finally managed to fix the henge on his jaw and shut his mouth. When the teacher entered the room, Gavin turned away from Barbara to face the front of the room. Meanwhile, Ryan has his tongue pressed against the inside of his mouth as he thought. He barely paid attention in the class, he was too busy thinking about  his plans for the heist. 

_____________________________

The rest of the day is uneventful and Ryan finds himself feeling bored and distant from the present. He’s thinking about a lot of things, and he feels kind of overwhelmed, but he doesn’t know why. But, when the end of the day bell rings, he feels more and more of the pressure being relieved. That is, until someone stops him on his way outside. 

“Can you help me?” He hears a voice from behind him. Ryan stopped in his tracks, then turns slowly. He turns to see a raven haired girl, with scared blue eyes. “Please?”

Ryan doesn’t know what to say. He’s hesitant to agree to anything because he doesn’t know what the girl might need. But, she looks frightened enough to convince him to help no matter what it could be. 

Ryan nods. 

“Thank you, thank you!” The girl looks extremely grateful. “My name is Arryn by the way.” 

Ryan doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t wait for him to anyway. 

“Follow me.” She says, walking quickly. “Ok, so here’s the deal.” She begins. “I brought my puppy to school, and then he got away from me.”

“Ok...” Ryan says more so to himself than to her.

“Yeah, and he’s deaf. So, he couldn’t hear me calling to him.” Arryn explains. “But, the thing is...I found him. He’s in the theater storage room. Behind this big heavy shelf, and he won’t come out.” Arryn leads Ryan to the auditorium, holding the door open for him. “I think that, since you’re a well muscled guy, you could move the shelf and I could scoop him up. There’s no where for him to run in there.”

Arryn walks passed the rows of seats, and onto the stage. Ryan following behind her. 

“If you’re wondering how he even managed to get all the way back here...I was hanging out with my theater-nerd friends and this happened.” Arryn says as she opens the door to the theater storage room, and sure enough, Ryan can see a tiny grey and white puppy hiding between the wall and a large shelf. The tawny haired boy drops his backpack and stretches his arms above his head before approaching the shelf. With all of his strength, Ryan begins pushing the shelf away from the wall so Arryn can go in and get the puppy. 

“Watson!” She cries as she finally gets him back into her arms. “Thank you so much!” She says to Ryan. “I know this is super random, and I’m so sorry. But I’m glad you helped. I don’t know how I wouldn’t gotten him out otherwise.” 

Ryan nods. 

“You never told me your name.” Arryn watches as Ryan approaches to pet the small animal. 

“I’m R-Ryan.” 

_____________________________

“It’s almost the weekend, thank god.” Michael sits down on the steps. “I can’t take much more of this ‘school’ business.” He rolled his eyes, Barbara sits next to him as they wait for their friends. 

“Well, we’ve got two more years of high school after this, then university...” Barbara reminds him. 

“Don’t fucking talk like that. Barb, you’re a lady.” Michael wraps an arm around her. “You can’t use such  _foul language_.”

“Foul language?” Barbara sticks out her tongue. “School, school, school!”

“Barb, stop! Seriously, you’re a fucking terrible girlfriend.”

“Girlfriend?” Barbara smiles. 

“Yeah, you’re my lady.” Michael leans forward to kiss her nose. “An annoying lady, but you’re my lady.”

“Haha, I guess since I’m annoying you, I’m being a ladybug.” Barbara giggles. “Get it? Cuz I’m bugging you, and I’m a lady.”

“Oh no! Not the puns!” Michael says sarcastically, even though he doesn’t really mind. He thinks it’s cute, he thinks it’s funny too. Even if he won’t say it often. He leans over to kiss her cheek. “It’s almost as bad as talking about further schooling.”

Gavin exited out of the school building next. “Hello, guys!” The Brit waves as he approaches. 

“Hey, Gavino.” Michael smiles. Gavin sits on a stair higher than Michael’s, giving the redhead the perfect back rest against Gavin’s legs. Michael settles against the Brit’s legs with an exaggerated sigh. “Why, thank you.”

“No problem, boi.” Gavin reaches down to pet Michael’s curls. “You’re like a cat, Michael.”

“How the hell am I like a cat?”

“Soft and fuzzy.” Gavin shrugs. 

“Just stop talking about that. It’s weird.” Michael chuckled. Gavin looks over his shoulders as the school doors opened. Griffon and Jack exit, Ryan right behind them. Gavin’s heart skips a beat when he sees Ryan. 

“What took you so long?” Gavin asks as Ryan comes to sit by his side.

“I’ll tell you later.” Ryan whispers and rubs the back of his knuckles to Gavin’s arm.

“You’re alright though, correct?” Gavin whispers back, enjoying Ryan’s soft touch. The older male nods reassuringly and Gavin accepts it as the truth. He trusts his Ry.

“Hey,” Griffon smiles at the others. “Geoff is doing his first interview! Right now!”

“Awesome!” Michael grins. “I wanna see it go down!”

“You can’t go in there, Michael!”

“What? Why?” The redhead pouts. 

“You’ll distract him, and I’ll have to kick your ass. He needs this.” Griffon snaps her fingers at Michael, he huffs and folds his arms. 

“I wasn’t going to distract him.” Michael replies. 

“Are we doing anything fun today?” Jack looks at the group. “I don’t have work.”

“Umm...” Griffon thinks. “We could go to the movies. I heard there are some pretty awesome scary movies out, since Halloween is just around the corner.”

“Oh, that sounds cool.” Michael nods. 

“Geoff would never admit it, but he’s a giant baby.” Griffon sighs. “He never takes me to see horror films, so maybe you all could go with me?”

“Yeah!” Barbara jumps up. “Let’s go!”

“You wanna come, Ryan?” Jack asks, the tawny haired boy looked down at his shoes.

He didn’t know if he could handle hanging out with them again on his own. He probably could, but...he didn’t want to. Besides, he hadn’t really seen many scary movies. He didn’t want to freak out if it became too much for him. Especially not without his Gavin there. He shook his head. 

“Well, that’s fine.” Griffon nods at him. “Ray! Just in time!” She calls as Ray exits the building.

“Hey,” Ray says as he makes his way over. “Just in time for what?”

“Going to see a scary movie.” Michael says and Ray whoops. 

“Fuck yeah! Let’s do it!” Ray grins widely then turns to Gavin. “You can’t go, right Gav?”

“Huh?” Gavin wasn’t really paying attention. He had ended up lost in thought. 

“You can’t come with us to the movies, cuz you’re still grounded?” Ray asks. 

“Yeah, sorry mates.” Gavin sighs. “It’s just as well, a scary movie would probably do me in.” He says and everyone laughs, besides Ryan of course. He wants to, and can’t help but smile so he hides his face in Gavin’s shoulder. 

“Well that’s alright.” Griffon assures him then claps her hands together, aiming her eyes at Ray. “Hey, Ray! Why don’t you invite Jessie!”

“I dunno if she likes scary movies...” Ray shrugs. 

“Do it!” Michael eggs him on. “Hurry up and invite her so we can make it while it’s still early. They give discounts to students, and to people who show up before like five or something.”

“Alright, alright.” Ray pulls out his phone to invite his crush to the movie. 

Ryan looks up as Gavin rises to his feet. 

“Well, we’re gonna head out now.” Gavin announces, offering his hand to Ryan. The older takes the hand and stands up too. “You all have fun.”

General goodbyes echo from the group. The Brit turns to Ryan with a shy smile. Gavin doesn’t know why he suddenly feels shy, it’s not like Ryan’s never walked him home...well to their halfway point, before. 

“Walk me home, Ry.” Gavin laces their fingers. Ryan feels himself blush as well. Maybe it’s because all their friends are here. But, whatever it is, both boys can’t keep the bashful looks off their faces. 

“Ugh, go make out already.” Michael taunts playfully. 

“Bye everyone.” Gavin waves, leading Ryan down the stairs. 

“Bye.” Ryan even offers a parting word. 

Then they begin their walk home. 

~*~

Ry tells Gav about Arryn and the dog. Gavin’s eyes are wide nearly the entire time. Their hands held, and their feet in sync. 

“That is absolutely  _mental_!” Gavin exclaims. “Was the dog cute?”

“I told you it was.” Ryan responds. 

“You did, I know! But...” Gavin hums. “You don’t give much enthusiasm about cute things.”

“What?”

“You just say ‘oh it’s cute’, Ry.” Gavin informs him. “I want cooing and squealing and bubbling!”

“Bubbling?” Ryan repeats. “I don’t think you want me to bubble.”

“I don’t even want to know what you mean by that.” Gavin begins laughing. Ryan chuckles and shrugs his shoulders. 

“I’m just saying.”

“Well, don’t.” Gavin stops walking when he feels Ryan stop. “What is it?”

“Huh?”

“Why’d you stop walking?” 

“Oh,” Ryan points to the road to the right of them. “We’re at our halfway point...I’m dropping you off.”

“Ah, I see.” Gavin sighs. “I always hate this part.” Gavin lets go of Ryan’s hand. 

“I know, but, I’ll see you tomorrow.” Ryan opens his arms to Gavin, the Brit gratefully steps inside of them. “Call me tonight?”

“Duh.” Gavin sighs contently into Ryan’s shirt. “Tell Mimi I say hi.”

“Will do.” 

“Kiss me.” Gavin looks up at him. 

“What?”

“You heard me,” Gavin taunts. “I dare you.”

“Hm,” Ryan gives an amused note before leaning down and bringing his lips just centimeters away from Gavin’s. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You are the biggest piece of shit.” Gavin playfully shoves him away. 

“Bye, Gav.” Ryan begins walking backwards, eyes still on his favorite person. 

“See you later, Ry.” Gavin says so sweetly that Ryan stops walking. He wants to run over there and apologize for not kissing him sooner. The Brit tilts his head to the side, letting his blonde hair fall over his eyes. “What are you looking at, bub?”

“You.” Ryan’s voice in a subtle pitch, barely audible but Gavin reads it on his lips. 

“Would you go home?” Gavin can’t hide the pink flush on his face. 

“I will.” Ryan rocks on his heels.

“Start walking,” Gavin points in the direction of his home. “Or else I’ll come over their and get you!”

“Get me?” Ryan smirks. “I like the sound of that.”

“Perv.” Gavin rolls his eyes, but he’s not annoyed. “Go home, oh my gosh.”

“Hey,” Ryan says. 

“Yeah?”

“I love you.” Ryan states, his eyes stay on Gavin’s. The Brit lets out a breath before walking over to Ryan. 

“I know.” Gavin nods once he’s a foot away. “I love you, too.”

“Sorry for staying when you told me to go home.”

“You honestly think I’m upset about that?”

Ryan shrugs, Gavin shakes his head. 

“No, Ryan.” Gavin reaches up to touch the older’s face. Hand cupping Ryan’s cheek, thumb against his cheekbone. “I’m glad, I never want to go home anyway. Especially not if my father has spent all day drinking. It’s probably going to be a mess.”

“Wanna come with me?”

“Of course I do, you donut.” Gavin smiles. “I can’t though.”

“I know, I just thought I’d ask.”

“Thank you, Ry. For asking.” Gavin leans in a presses a single kiss to the side of Ryan’s face that he isn’t holding. Ryan shifts his weight from foot to foot. 

“Thanks.” Ryan says when Gavin moves away. 

“No prob, Ry.”

“I’ll go home now, for real this time.” Ryan announces, and Gavin doesn’t say anything. He just turns and walks down the street back to the crosswalk. He turns and waves to Ryan, not wanting to say goodbye this time. Ryan nods and waves back before turning and going his own way towards his house. 

Gavin stands and watches for a bit, as Ryan walks. He’s not quite ready to go home. He doesn’t know how obnoxious his father has gotten after his ‘sick day’ of drinking and sitting on his ass.

The only saving grace was that the twin’s caretaker should be there. Maybe his father would behave a little with her around. Or maybe even better, he’s shut himself away in his room so he wouldn’t have to attempt to behave. 

But...the closer Gavin got to him home, he saw another car parked alongside his father’s. The twin’s caretaker usually parks on the street. Gavin doesn’t see her car at all. 

“Great.” Gavin sighs. “Dad’s asked her not to bloody come today.” 

When he walks into the driveway, he looks at the plate of the ‘mystery’ car parked with his father’s. Gavin sees that it's a rental car. This means the person is likely from out of town, and the only person who would ever really visit out of the blue, is Gavin's older brother.

Gavin closes his eyes for a moment to take a deep breath before entering the home through the back door. He can hear his dad eagerly talking about something. He doesn’t sound too drunk, but Gavin can tell that he’s not completely sober.

“Gavin, is that you?” His father yells from the kitchen. 

“Yes, Dad.” Gavin replies, stepping out of his shoes by the back door and shuffling into the kitchen. Sam’s green eyes fall onto Gavin’s and the older brother smiles. 

“Gavino,” Sam nods at him, rising to his feet. It seems like Sam grew since last time the two brothers had seen each other. Suddenly, Gavin finds himself in a hug. “What happened to my little brother? You look like a man now.”

“No he doesn’t, don’t lie to the poor boy.” Mr. Free comments from the table, chuckling as he does so. Sam looks over at their father with a scolding frown. 

“Don’t say that.” Sam turns back to Gavin. “Dad told me you’ve been getting good grades and all, that’s top.”

“Um, yeah.” Gavin replies, he doesn’t really want to talk to Sam. He doesn’t know why, but he feels shy. He feels like he doesn’t know how to talk to him. “I’m gonna go upstairs now.”

“Gav-” Sam tries to stop him but it’s too late. Gavin quickly rounds the corner. Sam frowns again and takes his place back beside his father. 

“What an ungrateful prat.” Mr. Free comments. 

“Dad...what?” Sam’s eyebrows knit together. 

“You come all of this way to see the family, and your brother doesn’t even want to talk to you.” 

“It’s not that...I dunno,” Sam shrugs his shoulders. “It seems like he was afraid...afraid of me, or something.” Sam runs a hand over his head. “Do you think he’s scared of me?”

“That boy is probably afraid of everything. He’s never been really tough,” The man comments. “Not like you.”

“Dad, you’ve got me on this bloody pedestal!” Sam responds. “It’s not right.”

“Calm down, boy.” Mr. Free pats his oldest son’s head. “Let’s not quibble. How about we go watch some TV, talk for a while?”

Sam sighs. “Sure, Dad.”

“It’s nice to have you back.” Mr. Free smiles and puts an arm around the younger man’s shoulders. 

“Yeah, Dad. It’s great to see you all.”

 

~*~

Gavin feels safer in his room. He doesn’t know what it was about talking to Sam that made him want to turn and run. He feels like Sam knew something about himself that he didn’t know. Or that Sam reminded him of something he wanted to forget. 

Either way, seeing his father look so happy talking to Sam boiled his blood. The way he laughed like he used to when their mother was alive. For some reason, that isn’t even what bothered Gavin the most. What really did...was that Sam tried to protect Gavin. He tried to defend Gavin as if...he’d cared the whole time. But where was he before? Where was Sam all of the times their father...the...the things he did...

Why wasn’t Sam there then? His brother knew that their Dad had been treating Gavin poorly even before Sam left. If he knew his father was doing...horrible things to Gavin beforehand...how could he just leave? And then to come back like everything was supposed to just be fine...

Gavin felt betrayed...even after being protected. It was a strange feeling. The kind of feeling that eats away your insides, then lives inside you. Like being emptied and then filled with something new that doesn’t quite fit. It’s dizzying and makes Gavin feel lost. 

He just wants to go back ten minutes ago to standing on the sidewalk with Ryan. When Ryan had asked if Gavin wanted to come back to the farmhouse with him. Gavin wishes that he’d said yes, not even hesitated. 

Gavin just wanted to hear Ryan’s voice now. He sends him a text first though.

> **Gavin** : I miss you, Ry
> 
> **Ryan** : Really? :)
> 
> **Gavin** : I do, are you home?
> 
> **Ryan** : Just got home
> 
> **Gavin** : Are you busy
> 
> **Ryan** : Eh, don’t think so
> 
> **Gavin** : Can...I call my Ry?
> 
> **Ryan** : Yes, you may call your Ry :)

 

Gavin thinks it’s funny that Ryan uses more smiley faces and things, more than he does. It’s like Ryan doesn’t express much on his face on a regular basis, but he doesn’t hesitate to when he’s texting. 

The Brit smiles about this as he clicks ‘Call: Rye Bread’ on his phone. It rings a couple of times before it’s picked up. 

“Gavvy,” Ryan greets him. Gavin can hear things being moved around in the background. The sound of running water, then glass knocking against glass. 

“Hi, love.” Gavin responds contently. He feels so much more at ease just from hearing Ryan’s voice. “Are you doing the dishes?” 

“Yup.”

“Should I let you go?” Gavin asks. “Don’t drop your phone in the sink.”

“I only have a few to wash from breakfast, and Mimi’s lunch.” Ryan informs him. “I’ll be done soon.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I am.” More sounds of dishes against dishes. “I must say though, I find it odd that you wanna talk so soon after departing.”

“Well...”

“Is it because you just missed me that much, or is something going on?” Ryan inquires. “I’m not going to judge either way. I’m happy to talk to you. But...if something is up, please tell me.”

“I’ll tell you.” Gavin says. “Something is very much ‘up’, Ry.”

“Can you wait to tell me for a minute?” Ryan asks. “If that’s alright?”

“It’s fine.” Gavin moves from his desk to lay on his bed. 

“I just wanna be done with these dishes, so I can really focus on you.”

Gavin smiles lazily. Ryan makes him an insane amount of happy. It should be against some law. 

“I understand, I really appreciate that.” Gavin yawns as he presses his cheek into his pillow.

“Need a nap?” Ryan comments. 

“I would love one.”

“Don’t fall asleep until after we talk about what’s bothering you.”

“Then, will you talk me to sleep?” Gavin yawns again. 

“Anything you’d like.” Ryan returns Gavin’s yawn against his will. 

~*~

With the dishes washed, Ryan pokes his head into Mimi’s room. Gavin’s still on the phone. 

“Mimi,” Ryan says. “I’ve done the dishes, but I’m going to chat with Gavin for a bit. I’ll finish the rest of my chores when I’m done, alright?”

“Thank you, Ryan.” Mimi replies with a smile.

“Ry?” Gavin speaks up. 

“Yeah?” Ryan raises a brow. 

“You said you’d tell Mimi ‘hello’ for me, before we said goodbye at our halfway point today.” Gavin reminds him. 

“Oh yeah,” Ryan pokes his head back into Mimi’s room. “Mimi?”

“Yes, dear?” The old woman looks at her grandson. 

“Gavin says ‘hello’ to you.” Ryan gives the greeting to her. She smiles and waves her frail hand. 

“Hello, Gavin!” She chirps, hoping he could hear if over the phone. Gavin chuckles and thanks Ryan. 

“Alright,” Ryan salutes to Mimi. “Going upstairs now.”

~*~

Upstairs, Ryan lays on his own bed to talk to Gavin. He’s not sleepy like Gavin is though, but he keeps yawning when the Brit does. 

“So, tell me what’s up?” Ryan prepares to listen to whatever Gavin has to say. 

“My brother is home.” 

“For good?”

“I didn’t ask.” Gavin opens his eyes, staring at the door as if it might open if he looked away. Like talking about Sam would make him appear. “Probably not.”

“Well,” Ryan shrugs. “Why is it bad that he’s home? You sound upset about it.”

“I am.”

“Why?”

“He’s acting like everything is bloody great between us and it’s pissing me off.”

“He’s being kind to you?”

“Yeah.”

“And that makes you mad?”

“It makes me furious!” Gavin raises his voice a bit. “What is the matter with him? Does he think this is a joke??”

“Um...” Ryan’s brow furrows. “I don’t think I understand the problem.”

“If you’re mum started acting like everything was 100% between you guys, you’d be upset, right?”

“I’m almost completely sure that she’s going to do that when we go visit her.” Ryan sighs. “But yeah, I would...or will...be pissed.”

“Exactly.”

“But, Sam hasn’t done anything wrong, though.”

“Yes he has!”

“Did he hit you, or talk shit about you like your dad?”

“No...”

“Did he...I dunno, steal a romantic interest from you?”

“No, Ryan.” Gavin sighs. “He...betrayed me in a complicated way.”

“Oh...”

“When we were younger, he’d always protect me.” Gavin begins. “From bullies and things like that, even down to silly things like bugs, stray dogs, and monsters under the bed.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Gavin nods. “He promised he’d always protect me...and then he leaves. He fucking left when things were at their worst.”

“Gav, he had to go to school.” Ryan defends. “He wasn’t trying to leave you, he didn’t want to leave you.”

“He  _knew_ , Ryan!” Gavin retorts. “He knew Dad was hitting me, that he was almost always trying to make me cry...for  _fun_.”

“Gav...”

“My dad was dealing with some emotional things, and he was angry because of it. I was his fucking punching bag.” Gavin curses. “It’s not like I want him to do this to Sam, or Avery or Lilly...but I don’t understand. Why is it just me? Why is it me that he does this to?”

“Are you closest with him?” Ryan asks. 

“What?” Gavin scoffs. “No, Ryan. He  _hates_  me.”

“He probably doesn’t.” Ryan shrugs. “People usually lash out at those who are closest to them.”

“No, you don’t understand.” Gavin says. “My dad,  _loves_  Samuel. He’s his pride and joy. Dad’s always showing him off like a bloody trophy. It’s disgusting.”

“There’s a reason why he’s targeting you.” Ryan states. “Maybe it’s not because he’s closest with you, maybe I’m wrong about that. But, maybe it’s because you’re letting him do it.”

“W-what?” Gavin’s heart feels like it’s being stepped on. “Are you trying to say that I’m  _asking_  for this?”

“No!” Ryan face palms. “That’s not it at all, Gavin! I’m sorry...”

“Then what the hell are you saying?”

“Gavin, you’re a sweetheart. You’re gentle, docile.” Ryan says. “He’s walking all over you like a doormat. You need to stick it to him. Tell him to fuck off.”

“Stand up to him?” Gavin’s eyes widen. “Ry, I couldn’t do that...”

“You need to, or he’s going to keep treating you like shit, babe.” Ryan shakes his head. “You’re in no way asking for that, ok? I know that. I’m sorry it came out like that.”

“No,” Gavin sighs. “I’m just a bit on edge. I know you wouldn’t think that about me. And, I know what you were trying to say now.”

“Ok, good.” Ryan relaxes again. 

“Thanks, Ry.” Gavin smiles softly.

“You’re welcome.” Ryan glances up at his ‘Something Different’ collection. “You feel better now?”

“Yeah, I do.”

“You gonna stand up to your dad?”

“No.”

“Gavin...”

“I can’t, not yet...I...I just-”

“I understand.” Ryan does understand. Just like their own relationship, Gavin had to take baby steps with his father. “I don’t want him to hurt you ever.”

“I’m fine, Ry.” Gavin tries to change the subject. “Ryan?”

“Huh?”

“You know what I like about you?” Gavin asks. “It’s a new thing that you do.” 

“A new thing?” Ryan repeats. “Ok, what is it?”

“When you tell me...that you love me,” Gavin giggles softly. “You start off by saying ‘hey’ first.”

“I do?” Ryan blushes a bit. 

“Yeah,” Gavin nods. “It’s the cutest damn thing.”

“Is it ok that I do that?”

“Of course it is.” Gavin says. “Sometimes, it lets me know that it’s going to happen. Then, I get butterflies. And when you say it, it’s like quadruple butterfly explosion in my tummy...and I can’t even deal.”

“Um...” Ryan is still blushing. “Oh.”

“Oh, indeed, Ry.” Gavin yawns. “Talk me to sleep now?”

“Yeah,” Ryan lays on his back. “Hey,”

Gavin bites his lips in anticipation. “Yeah?”

“Eat nobs.” Ryan uses one of the terms he’s heard Gavin say. The Brit opens and closes his mouth, unable to say anything. The lack of words from Gavin makes the older male laugh hard. 

“Ryan, you suck.” Gavin squeaks. “You eat nobs, Ryan!”

The tawny haired boy is still laughing. “Seriously though,” He says through his laughter. “I do love you.”

“I love you, too. You bastard, Ryan.” Gavin laughs too. “Talk me to sleep.”

“Alright, alright.” Ryan thinks. “What should I talk about?” 

_____________________________

Gavin isn’t sure how much time has passed when he’s woken up by thunderous knocking on his bedroom door. The young Brit startles awake, heart beating through his chest. It’s beating so hard that he can feel it in his throat and the sudden pressure of that, makes him want to throw up. 

“What the hell are you bloody doing in there?” His father barks. “Having a wank?”

“Dad, no.” Gavin’s voice is raspy with sleep. “I was having a kip.”

“Oh, well that’s great.” The man replies. “I’ve been calling you for a half hour, thought you might be dead up here or something.”

“I’m fine.” Gavin gets off of the bed, glancing at his phone laying next to his pillow. He shuffles to the bedroom door, opening it. His father hadn’t expected him to come to the door, and for a brief moment, the man didn’t look like a monster. 

His dad’s eyes went wide, hand held to his chest before his face cracked into a smile. He started to laugh. 

“You damn scared me.” His father admitted. 

“I scared  _you_?” Gavin asks. “That’s a new one.” The teen said dryly, and that took the smile right off of his dad’s face. Gavin cursed at himself again and again and-

“The fuck does that mean?” 

“Nothing,” Gavin takes a step back towards his bedroom. “I’m sorry.”

“Right, ‘nothing’, Gav.” His father lets this one go and Gavin wants to hug him for it. For not going off this time. Showing some mercy. Gavin wondered if it’s because Sam’s here. “Go cook.”

“Huh?” Gavin wasn’t really listening. Even though his eyes had narrowed moments before, his dad was still giving off a pleasant vibe. The man put a hand on the space between Gavin’s shoulder blades and pushed him forward towards the stairs. 

“I said go cook, mate.” His dad said the word ‘mate’ to Gavin for the first time in a long time, in a way that wasn’t intimidating. It felt the same amount protective and friendly as when Geoff called him ‘bud’. 

This time, Gavin wanted to hug his father...for being his father again. Just for a second. But, Gavin knew the man would never want to hug him. He only hugs the twins, as of late. However, Gavin bets that his father has hugged Sam since he’s been here. That reminds Gavin how annoyed he is with his older brother as he goes down the stairs. 

Gavin can see Sam’s dark hair from the sofa in the living room. The older male looks over his shoulder as he hears Gavin’s footsteps. Sam flashes a smile and gets up from the couch to talk to him brother. Gavin clenches his jaw. 

“Hey, Gav.” Sam follows Gavin into the kitchen. The blonde doesn’t say anything. “How was your nap?”

“How’d you know I was asleep?”

“I heard you tell Dad.” Sam replies as he watches Gavin dig in the fridge for the ingredients for tonight’s dinner.  “Can I help?”

“No, I’ve got it.” Gavin takes pride in dinner being the one thing his father enjoys him doing. Sam can’t have this, too. The older brother’s eyebrows knit at the rejection. 

“Alright then...uh, oh!” Sam’s back to smiling again. “Dad told me about your boyfriend, congrats.”

Gavin froze after setting the ingredients on the countertop. 

“I’m sorry?” Gavin looks up at his brother. “What’d you say?”

“The ‘farm boy’ that Dad saw you with.”

“We are  _not_  talking about it.” Gavin shakes his head. Sam frowns again. 

“Is...something wrong?”

“With the topic, yeah.”

“I mean, did you guys break up or something?” Sam asks. “Why don’t you want to talk about it?”

“He’s none of your concern.” Gavin shakes his head. “I don’t ask about your relationships.”

“Because!” Sam raises his hand. “You won’t bloody talk to me!”

“I don’t want to.” Gavin doesn’t look at Sam’s eyes. 

“W-why not?” Sam honestly sounds a bit broken by this, it makes Gavin’s eyes prickle, but he doesn’t cry. No, not in front of Sam. “We used to be so close, Gav.”

_Before you abandoned me_. “I guess so.” Gavin sends a dagger to Sam’s chest. 

“Gavin, I just-” Sam is about to try to appeal to his brother again, but he jumps when he feels a hand on his shoulder. He looks over his shoulder to see his father standing there. 

“Something wrong, boys?” His father asks, eyes glued on Gavin. 

_I just want everyone to leave me alone._  “Yeah, we’re fine.” Gavin says without looking up as he washed the vegetables. 

“Come on, Sammy.” The man pat his oldest son’s back. “Back to the TV, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Sam glared at Gavin before turning away. “Don’t wanna miss anything.”

Gavin waited until they were occupied by the TV, before he tiptoed up to his room to grab his phone. He brought it with him back downstairs. He went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him, so he’d have an excuse as to why he wasn’t at the stove or anything. 

He started texting Ryan. 

> **Gavin** : Ry, everything sucks and I’m a giant dick
> 
> **Ryan** : What’s wrong now?
> 
> **Gavin** : I’m sorry, am I annoying you?
> 
> **Ryan** : Did I give that impression? No, I’m not annoyed by you.
> 
> **Gavin** : Oh, good. I’m sorry.
> 
> **Ryan** : Stop apologizing, tell me what’s wrong?
> 
> **Gavin** : I just hurt my brother’s feelings because I’m a giant dick
> 
> **Ryan** : Ok, what’s the real reason that you hurt his feelings, though?
> 
> **Gavin** : I liked it better when he just used to ignore me.
> 
> **Ryan** : Did he ever really ignore you, or did it just feel like he did?
> 
> **Gavin** : Whenever he called home, he never asked to talk to me. He always just wanted our dad. But it’s not just that, he bloody left me when he knew how shitty everything was for me. 
> 
> **Ryan** : I still don’t think that was his fault...
> 
> **Gavin** : Of course not. Sam is just so innocent here. 
> 
> **Ryan** : I do think that...he could’ve done a ‘little’ bit more. There’s not much he could’ve done though. 
> 
> **Gavin** : How could you say that so readily?
> 
> **Ryan** : I just feel like he had no intentions of hurting you by leaving to go to school. And it’s obvious he still cares about you. 
> 
> **Gavin** : I know...but...I don’t know. 
> 
> **Ryan** : Go apologize :)
> 
> **Gavin** : Fuck that entirely, no.
> 
> **Ryan** : Why not? :/
> 
> **Gavin** : That’d be like accepting that everything he did to me, and allowed to happen to me are all ok. And they’re not and I refuse. 
> 
> **Ryan** : Maybe...I just don’t understand this situation. And because of that, I’m seeming insensitive to your feelings. I’ll stop taking up for Sam. 
> 
> **Gavin** : You’re entitled to your opinion. 
> 
> **Ryan** : Yeah, I am...but I’m ignorant to many things about the situation so it’s not right for me to try and say who’s correct or incorrect. 
> 
> **Gavin** : Ry, what am I doing?
> 
> **Ryan** : Dunno, what are you doing?
> 
> **Gavin** : Sitting on the toilet, texting my not-boyfriend-boyfriend about my ‘evil brother’ and feeling like crying.
> 
> **Ryan** : Gross. 
> 
> **Gavin** : I’m not using it, just hiding in the bathroom.
> 
> **Ryan** : My poor, poor Gavin Free
> 
> **Gavin** : I should go, I’m supposed to be cooking
> 
> **Ryan** : I just got done making food for me and Mimi
> 
> **Gavin** : *Mimi and I
> 
> **Ryan** : Fuck off, Gavin lol
> 
> **Gavin** : What’d you make for dinner?
> 
> **Ryan** : Food :)
> 
> **Gavin** : ...bye, Ryan
> 
> **Ryan** : (^_^)”/”

_____________________________

The rest of Thursday night was awkward. Gavin felt bad because he hadn’t checked on the twins upon arriving home. They’d needed help with their homework, because the caretaker wasn’t there. The younger siblings also had stayed in their room all day until dinner because Gavin had told them that their father was ill and needed space. Gavin felt like a complete asshole, as far as his family went. 

He even felt like an asshole because of how he’d cornered Ryan during their conversations the previous nights. However, he knew apologizing to Ryan would be easier than anything else in the world. Gavin couldn’t wait to see him today. All of the stress would melt off of him, and he’d feel amazing. Or, that would’ve been the case...had the first time he saw Ryan on Friday morning not been horribly awkward. 

On Friday morning, like Thursday morning, Ryan was running a bit late. This time, Ryan tried to give Gavin some kind of warning about his lateness. He sent a few texts, gave a couple calls. Nothing came from Gavin though, and Ryan assumed that Gavin wasn’t going to be on time either. 

Ryan arrived at the halfway point, and waited for quite some time without hearing anything from Gavin. When the Brit still hadn’t shown up to the halfway, Ryan got worried. 

He stood there, periodically checking his phone for what felt like forever. Ryan wondered why he hadn’t just walked down to Gavin’s house sooner. It wasn’t like it was out of the way or anything. Worse case scenario: Gavin is still in bed or something and Ryan can enter through the backdoor and go up and wake him. That’d be fun actually. 

However, upon walking down to the house, Ryan sees Gavin storming out of his front door. His eyes were on the ground, and he was walking quickly. The front door opens again, and another male leaves the house. He looks older than Gavin...he looks  _like_  Gavin. 

“Gav, come on! Don’t be like that, lad!” The older male says. “I was just-” The male stops talking when he sees Ryan. The sudden silence makes Gavin look over his shoulder at Sam. The blonde follows his brother’s gaze over to-

“R-Ryan?” Gavin’s eyes widen, and he looks from his brother to Ryan quickly before jogging over to the tawny haired boy. “Ryan, we have to go  _now_.”

“Is this...is this ‘farm boy’, Gav?” The older male approaches quickly. Barefoot and dressed in his sleepware. 

_Farm boy?_ Ryan questioned internally, he was amused.  _Is that what they’re calling me in the Free household?_

“Sam, go back in the bloody house!” Gavin has ahold of Ryan’s arm, and he’s trying to drag Ryan away but the ‘farm boy’ isn’t moving. Not an inch. “Ryan, what are you doing? We have to go!”

“Your name is Ryan?” Sam is finally all the way to the two younger boys. Ryan looks Sam head to toe. His resemblance to Gavin is almost unsettling. It was like standing in front of two Gavin’s. 

Of course, Ryan didn’t say anything. He couldn’t if he wanted to. Instead, he offered Sam his hand, even though he didn’t really want to do that either. Sam shook his hand, and it burned. 

“Dad was right,” Sam lets go of Ryan’s hand. “He does have ‘spooky eyes’.”

“What?” Gavin turns to frown at his brother. 

“Dad said that ‘farm boy’ had eyes like paintings in scary movies.” Sam says. “The kind that follow you around.”

Ryan isn’t sure wether to take offense to this or not, and he doesn’t. It’s kind of cool, he thinks. He likes to hear new ways to describe things, or people, or anything really. It helps his writing vocabulary. 

“Ryan doesn’t have spooky eyes.” Gavin shakes his head. 

“Of course not when he’s looking at you,” Sam shrugs. “He probably gives you ‘bedroom’ eyes.” 

Ryan does all he can not to laugh at this, he turns away from Sam. Gavin looks at Sam with a ‘ _why_?’ expression. A plea. The older brother finally takes it as his cue to leave. 

“Have a good day at school you two.” He waves. “Nice to meet you, Ryan. Next time...maybe we could talk or something?”

“Bye, Samuel.” Gavin hisses and pulls Ryan’s arm. This time, the boy follows. 

_____________________________

“So,” Ryan says when they near the school. “We’re going to be on time today, miraculously.”

“Mhm.” Gavin nods, he looks distant.

“Gavin,” Ryan frowns. “Is this still about Sam?”

“I just feel like I’m being shitty to my whole family.” Gavin sighs. “I guess I’m just in a ‘mood’ or something.” 

“Need space?”

“What?”

“Do you need me to leave you alone for a bit or something?”

“Please don’t leave me alone, Ryan.” Gavin holds his arm tighter, pressing his face into Ryan’s shoulder briefly. 

“I won’t.” Ryan assures him. “But, if you ever need me to, I can.”

“Even if I ask you for space, don’t give it to me.” Gavin says. “I probably won’t mean it if I say it.”

“I dunno...” 

“You don’t have to know, just don’t do it.” 

_____________________________

Barbara sat her tray on the lunch table with force. 

“ Exciting  things!” She squeaked, everyone’s eyes went to her. 

“What’s going on, babe?” Michael raises an eyebrow. 

“The gymnasium is finally prepared for the dance.” Barbara informs them all. “Like,  _done,_  done.”

“That’s so awesome!” Ray grins. “I can’t wait to bring Jessie there.”

“You guys wanna come see?” Barbara asks. 

“Um, well...” Geoff shrugs. “Sure.”

“After we eat, we can go look.” Griffon nods. 

“Alright!” Barbara beamed and sat down next to Michael. 

~*~

As Barbara showed them around, Ryan wondered if the gym will feel the same...when it’s time for the real thing. Gavin’s eyes wandered around too. Keeping special attention to where Barbara says the snacks are going to go. There are three tables there. The first one, wheeled. 

_Easy getaway_. Ryan nods. They’re really going to do this. 

He had never thought about his first school dance that he would attend, would end in a heist. Especially not a heist made to result with him eating an obscene amount of chocolate chip cookies with someone like Gavin. 

Ryan had always thought he’d build up the courage to go to a ‘lame dance’ and stand in the corner with his arms folded and making fun of the other students who are actually enjoying the party. He’d seen people do that on movies before, he didn’t know if people actually stood around making fun the partiers. Even if not, Ryan had planned to, should he go to a school dance. 

But now, he was just looking forward to another night with Gavin. Even if they hadn’t planned to heist, he would’ve enjoyed going with Gavin. As a real date.

_____________________________

“I expect all of you to be on time to the dance!” Barbara claps her hands together as they stand on the stairs after school. “Gavin and Ryan, have fun with whatever it is you’re doing.”

“Whatever you fucks are doing,” Michael points at the two of them. “When I get drunk at Barb’s tomorrow night, I’m calling you and interrupting. Crying drunkenly about how much I miss you assholes.”

_Michael’s going to miss me?_ Ryan looks up at the curly haired boy. Michael had caught Ryan’s eyes for a brief second before looking away, chattering with the others again. The look in Michael’s eyes was unclear. It was like Michael wanted to talk to Ryan, but he didn’t know how, so he didn’t. Ryan sighed a bit, wishing that at least he knew how to talk to others, but he really didn’t. He felt Michael’s pain at that moment. 

At least Michael had the ability to move on gracefully from a stutter of speech lost. Ryan would still be stunned. 

A few more beats on conversation passed before Gavin declared that he and Ryan would be leaving. Ryan followed the Brit’s lead and stood up. It was so deja vu to the previous day, or maybe...everyday. Not that Ryan minded. 

But, like Gavin had reminded Ryan the other day, Ryan lived for things that are different. So, as much as Ryan enjoyed his routine school days, he was boiling over at the chance to be a bit wild. To lose themselves. Ryan was ready. 

_____________________________

Gavin had felt a bit tingly as he said his goodbyes to Ryan this time. The next time they saw each other, they’d be preparing to go on their heist, and anything could happen. They could be caught, get in loads of trouble. Things could go extremely well, and they ride off in style. The two of them could even get caught up in the moment of the festivities and just enjoy the dance with everyone else. 

The Brit kind of hated the part of him that wanted to play it safe. It was the same part that was hoping Ryan would chicken out before he did, resulting in them spending the night on the dance floor and ending the evening with a kiss. 

If he knew his Ryan, and he did, there was no way Ryan was backing down from this. The older male was very much into the idea of a heist. The heist was literally his idea. 

“Ready to go home?” Ryan asked at their halfway point. 

“Ry,” Gavin frowned a bit. “I know what the answer is, but I have to ask.”

“Um, ok...”

“Are you...having second thoughts about the heist?”

“No,” Ryan shook his head. “But, you are?”

“I’m just worried about it going well.”

“A heist is a heist, sometimes things don’t go as planned.” Ryan shrugs. “But, it’s still a heist.”

“You’re right, ok.”Gavin nods. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Our plans are still in order, right?”

“Yup.”

“Ok, see you tomorrow.”

_____________________________

The twin’s caretaker isn’t there again, and even though it’s rare for the little kids to have a bunch of weekend homework assigned to them on Fridays, Gavin goes to check on them anyway when he gets home. 

When he walks in the door, as if on cue, Sam and Mr. Free pass him and exit out the front door. 

“Good, glad you’re here, Gav.” His father pats his shoulder. “Watch the twins.” 

“Where are you guys going?” Gavin has the nerve to ask. 

His father looks over his shoulder. “Gonna show Sam around my office, he’s curious. After that, Sam had the idea that we could get Chinese takeaway for dinner.” The man says. “It’s been a while since we had it.”

“But...Dad, I really want to cook.” Gavin doesn’t mean to sound so meek and submissive. It was a poor attempt at ‘putting his foot down’ and it was easily blown off. His father sputters and rolls his eyes. 

“Thought your lazy ass would be glad to have more time to whine in your room and doodle.” His father shrugged. “Bitch and moan to that strange boyfriend of yours.” His blue eyes flicker to Sam. “You said his name was Ryan, right?”

“Yeah, Ryan.” Sam repeats. 

Gavin clenches his hands into fists at his side. Ryan’s name sounded so  _wrong_  on their lips. He physically winced at the sound of it. It was bad enough that Sam had known Ryan’s name. Gavin had actually felt comfortable with his father not knowing his name. It was one less thing that his dad could taunt him with. 

Sam had just taken that away from him. 

Not only that, but Gavin’s father only complimented him on his cooking. During dinner, he’d often even drop a ‘thank you’ into Gavin’s lap. He’d say how grateful he was for another home cooked meal. That his cooking was like his mother’s. And just like Ryan’s name, Sam took that away with the takeaway food. Gavin felt drained. 

Gavin was sure his brother had no clue what he was doing. He hated Sam for that too. It wasn’t really his fault, but...Sam used to be so good at telling exactly how Gavin felt. The things he didn’t want to tell their father. Like when Gavin had lost his virginity to Dan. Gavin told Sam, and it should’ve been more awkward than it was, but it wasn’t. Sam asked if he was alright and then hugged his brother. Gavin hadn’t even known how much he’d needed a hug then, but he did. Sam had known. 

But now, as they left the house, Sam and Mr. Free looked back at Gavin before their father closed the door in Gavin’s face. The blonde closed his eyes and clenched his fist harder until his nails bit into his palm. He took a sharp, deep inhale through his nose. 

He hopes Ryan is having a better time at the farmhouse. 

_____________________________

Ryan came downstairs after doing a bit of homework, the other parts he could finish on Sunday. With most other chores done, Ryan decides he could get started on making dinner for himself and Mimi. 

“Mimi, I’m gonna get started on dinner, ok?” Ryan calls. But he’s not answered, so he assumes she’s asleep or distracted with her TV. 

However, he wants to be sure. So, he tiptoes to her door, as not to disturb her. As he takes a moment to listen, he can hear Mimi talking. Ryan stills when he hears his grandmother say a familiar name. 

“Allie,” Mimi speaks calmly and slowly. “James is a magnificent young man, he’s changed so much since coming here. I  _won’t_  send him back there. I don’t want to take him from somewhere that finally feels like home to him.”

There was a pause as Mimi listened to the person on the phone. Ryan knew the name Allie. It was his mother’s nickname, short for Allison. Did that mean that Mimi was talking to his mother?

He knew he shouldn’t eavesdrop, but he was so curious. 

“I can say for a fact that he is happy here. He’s made  _friends_ , Allie.” His grandmother put an emphasis on the word ‘friends’. “He’ll be legally an adult soon, why don’t you let him make that decision on his own?”

_What decision?_ Ryan wonders. 

“He will probably want to stay here anyway...” Mimi tried to sound sure, but she couldn’t speak for Ryan. She didn’t want to set anything in stone. 

Ryan didn’t know what they were talking about, but Mimi was right. He did want to stay here .

“Fine, dear. I’ll talk to you later.” Mimi hung up the phone and sighed. As Ryan made the choice to walk away, the wooden floorboard beneath his feet creaked. “Ryan?”

“Yes?” He responds, suddenly feeling like he wasn’t going to be able to talk much. 

“Did you...” She pauses. “Were you listening?”

Ryan didn’t say anything. He didn’t want to admit he’d been listening, nor could he force any words from his lips. He stood on the other side of the door and waited for Mim to dismiss him, but she didn’t.

“Would you come here for a moment?” She asked, her voice hesitant and small. Ryan wouldn’t ever say no to her, even if he didn’t particularly want to go in her room. 

Ryan slowly opened the door and slipped inside. Mimi looked at him, tawny hair a bit out of place, jaw clenched seemingly to keep his mouth shut. His blue eyes were at the floor, but they rose to her. 

Mimi pat her bed, asking for him to sit. 

“I-I want to start dinner, Mimi.” Ryan pushes the words out. His lips don’t move and the words are a bit murmured as a result. 

“Then I won’t keep you long, I just want to ask you a couple quick questions.” Mimi says as Ryan comes and sits next to her. “You don’t have to say anything if you don’t want. A nod or a head shake is quite enough.”

Ryan nodded and waited for Mimi’s questions. 

“Are you happy here?” Mimi asks the question gently. Ryan thinks for a moment. He knows that he’s happy here, but the question doesn’t bring an immediate 'yes' to his mind. He can’t figure out why not. 

He loves Mimi, he loves the farmhouse, the farm. He loves Gavin. He’s become quite fond of his friends, even the school. The town. He’s head over heels in love with Sweetie’s and their cookies. 

So...why was his answer so hard to find? He felt like something was missing suddenly. He didn’t know what it was. What more could he want? 

It’s when he’s realized that he’d been silent for some time, he looks at Mimi and nods. 

“Good,” Mimi smiles then clears her throat. “Do you want to stay here until you finish school?”

Ryan had to think about that question too. He’d never gotten around to asking Gavin if he was going to stay in Texas to finish high school. If Gavin was leaving...Ryan honestly didn’t know where he’d want to be anymore. He’d still be happy enough to stay on the farm, to stay at the school. However, he couldn’t imagine caring much if Gavin left. 

Before Gavin, he hadn’t really cared about much. He’d tolerate anything and everything, and simply ignore the things he couldn’t bare to tolerate. It was easy to shut his mind off and like a zombie, go through the motions of everyday life. 

Ryan thought about how after this year, Geoff, Griffon, and Jack would no longer attend the school. They will have graduated. For some reason, that made his stomach sink a bit. He hadn’t realized how much he cared. But, his friend group felt balanced. And after Gavin, Ryan felt most comfortable with the three of them. He wasn’t sure why. 

Maybe it was because the other three had too much energy and had too many wild ideas of things to do. Geoff, Griffon and Jack were much more laid back. 

Again, Ryan realized he’d taken a while to answer. But this time, he couldn’t simply nod. It was far too complicated. 

“I...” Ryan looked at his hands. “It’s...”

“Is that hard to answer?” Mimi’s brow furrowed. 

Ryan nodded, agreeing that it was too hard to answer. 

“Well, you don’t have to.” Mimi sighs a bit, but accepts that Ryan won’t answer the question. “Is it alright if I touch you?”

“Huh?” Ryan couldn’t stop himself from flinching away from Mimi’s risen hand. 

“I’m sorry, I won’t.” Mimi puts her frail hand back down. Ryan looked at her hand. It was gentle, and small and Ryan cursed at himself for thinking that Mimi’s touch would hurt him. He knew it would. 

“W-why do you want to touch me?” Ryan’s voice is barely there. 

“I just...” Mimi looks at her lap as well. “I miss it, to be honest. You used to let me when you were little.”

“Are...you going to hurt me?” Ryan asks, even though he knew she wouldn’t. 

“I was just going to fix your hair into place.” 

“You can.” Ryan bows his head forward. 

“You’re sure?”

“I trust you, Mimi.” 

With a thin, shaky hand. Mimi reaches forward and her fingers comb through Ryan’s hair. He closes his eyes tight, bottom lip between his teeth. Knuckles white, gripping the duvet. 

Gavin has asked multiple times, what being touched by people feels like to Ryan. He has a hard time trying to explain it. But the way he does, should Gavin ask, is that...

Being touched felt overstimulating. Like when someone else’s skin touches his, the nerves freak out. Like they’re trying to send too many messages to his brain or something. Or like the nerves are moving quickly, with enough friction to all set their own fires. It feels like his nerve endings are ablaze. 

That’s why Ryan’s reaction is so immediate to being touched. It’s like being shocked by a million tiny volts. Even when he doesn’t want to flinch away, he does automatically. 

Gavin asks why it doesn’t burn when he touches him. Honestly, Ryan didn’t know how to answer that. Ryan doesn’t remember making a conscious decision that Gavin’s touch wouldn’t burn. It’s lame, but he remembers the first time they ever touched. It was when Gavin handed him the chocolate chip cookie, the day they had lunch together in the gym, for the first time. Their fingertips brushed. 

If it was literally anyone else on the planet, it would’ve burned and Ryan would’ve let the cookie drop from his hand. But, it didn’t hurt. It just felt like skin against skin. Something Ryan hadn’t been able to tolerate in a very long time. 

To give Gavin at least some kind of answer, Ryan simply told him that it had to be...because Ryan knew that Gavin was different. From the second he heard his voice. It was like, once Ryan knew that, a switch had been flipped in his brain. But, only for Gavin. The switch that was flipped enabled Ryan to give Gavin his words, and enabled Gavin to give Ryan his touch.

But now, as Mimi’s fingers touched his scalp, he felt fire. He swears he can smell the hairs burning from his head. Ryan didn’t show it though. Mimi could tell he was tense, but she didn’t know she was hurting him. He’d never told Mimi that touches hurt him. At least maybe not at the age he is now. He might’ve when he was younger, but he couldn’t remember. 

Mimi let her hand drop from the top of his head and pet his cheek twice before she took her hand away completely. Slowly, Ryan opened his eyes, which had begun watering from the sensation. He wasn’t crying, he wasn’t upset. It was like he’d been chopping onions or something. 

“All done.” Mimi smiled fondly at her grandson. Ryan looked at her before standing up. 

“Th-thank you.” Ryan stood there for a moment. He wanted to say something else, but he didn’t know exactly what. Maybe it had to do with his mother. Maybe it didn’t, but that was definitely on his brain though. But, since Mimi didn’t bring her up specifically, he wasn’t going to. Besides he was hungry, so he’d go get started on the food now. 

“Dinner.” Ryan gave her a one worded sentence like he used to and Mimi worried if she’d upset him. Ryan saw the look on her face and he forced the corners of his mouth up, which took more effort than it should. But, he didn’t really want to smile and...he didn’t feel particularly happy. He’d never forced a fake smile before. He wondered how genuine it looked. 

Genuine or not, it seemed to relax Mimi, which is all he wanted. And with that, he quickly slipped back into the kitchen. 

_____________________________

 

Gavin was...less than thrilled about the family meal. He did enjoy takeaway food, though he only ate a few bites of it. He spent more time pushing it around his plate while he listened to his family talk. The twins talked about an upcoming field trip. Sam talked about the fact that he was going back to his uni early the following week. How he was dreading some medical exam. 

Their father didn’t say too much, but prompted the others to talk...not Gavin of course. Sam was the only one prompting Gavin. 

“How’s school, kiddo?” Sam asks, mouth full of soy sauce covered rice. 

“Fine.” Gavin shrugs. 

“How’re your friends?” 

“How’s Ryan?” Sam asked, everyone looked at Gavin. The blonde’s cheeks go a bit pink and he sends a glare Sam’s way before taking a large gulp of water. 

Sam’s eyebrows knit and he chew thoughtfully. 

“Any plans for the weekend at least?” Sam gives another question. This one, Gavin doesn’t mind answering. He wants to guilt his father about it anyway. 

“Well,” Gavin sighs dramatically. “I’m not allowed to have plans, Sam.”

“Huh?” Sam looks surprised. “Not allowed?”

“I’m grounded.” Gavin gives his brother a pitiful look. “So I guess I’m going to be home, isolated from society all weekend.”

“Dad, what the hell is Gavin grounded for?” Sam asks the man. 

“Um, well...” Gavin sees his father’s normal stern expression falter a bit under Sam’s disapproving stare. The man wiped his mouth on a napkin. “Gavin is setting a poor example for the little ones.”

“How so?” Sam’s brow remains creased. 

“He was kissing in public.” Their father turns to scowl at Gavin. 

“The kids didn’t even see me do it! Also, it wasn’t public, it was in front of the house. Mind you, I was leaning into his car to do it.” Gavin chimes in. “By the way, I kissed his cheek!”

“Dad...” Sam frowns at the man. “That’s not right. I don’t think Gavin did anything wrong.”

“Samuel, you don’t-” Their father was about to argue with Sam, but Sam cuts him off. 

“That’s not right.” Sam says again. “I mean, your house, your rules, but I think Gavin should at least do something fun tonight. You and I are.”

“Well,” The man looks over at Gavin. “I don’t really give a rat’s ass what you do tonight. Like Sam said, we’re going to watch some sporting events on the telly.”

“What?” Gavin’s green eyes widen. “I can go hang out with my Ry-” Gavin stops himself from saying Ryan’s name. “Uh...I mean my friend tonight?” 

_Nice save, dumb ass_...Gavin scolds himself.

“I said I didn’t care, don’t make me change my mind.” Gavin’s father shrugged, not making eye contact. The blonde nearly lunged across the table to hug his older brother. 

But, in his excitement, all he could muster was the most intense look of gratitude. Sam was taken aback by it. Literally jerking his neck back in his chair as if he was hit by a strong wind. Still, he gave his little brother a wide grin and nodded back understandingly. 

It was the only bit of kindness Gavin had shown him since he’d arrived, he gladly took it. 

“Can I please be excused?” Gavin hadn’t really touched his food, but he didn’t care at this point. Mr. Free nodded, still not looking up at Gavin. 

“Wait,” Sam says before Gavin gets up. He tosses his little brother a fortune cookie. “For good luck, I guess.”

“Ha, thanks.” Gavin takes it, opening it as he climbed the stairs. It read: 

**“Friendship isn’t who you have known the longest. It’s about who came and never left your side.” -anonymous**

Gavin had never seen a quote in a fortune cookie. He remembered on Ryan’s cork board, the older male had pinned up a fortune that  had been a riddle in it instead of a fortune. 

Ryan had told Gavin that he shouldn’t bring him things to hang up on his board because he’d like to find things to hang up via serendipity really. But, Gavin put the fortune into his pocket to offer it anyway. Should Ryan reject the offering, Gavin would save it and paste it into his scrap book. 

As Gavin packed his bag of things he’d need while spending the night at Ryan’s house, should Ryan let him, he thought about the fortune he’d just received. 

“‘ It’s about who came and never left your side’...” Gavin says the last line out loud. He thinks about how Ryan’s story about the Boy of Light, ended with Ryan asking the Boy of Light to stay with him. Gavin smiled contently. “I’ll stay with you, Ry.”

~*~

With his bag packed, Gavin calls Ryan. He feels nervousness in his stomach, he’s not 100% sure why. 

“Hey, Gav.” Ryan answers. 

“Ryan, guess what??”

“What?”

“Dad has given him a free pass for the weekend.” Gavin announces happily. Ryan responds with less enthusiasm than Gavin had hoped for. 

“So...what does that mean?” Ryan asks. 

“Can I stay with you for the weekend?”

“The whole weekend?”

“From tonight til sometime Sunday, I mean.”

Ryan is quiet for a moment, and Gavin almost thinks that Ryan will say no.

“Gavin,” Ryan sighs. 

“Y-yeah?” Gavin looks down, ready to unpack his backpack full of items.

“You really might as well move in, you’re fucking over here all the time.” Ryan says, his tone giving away that he’s smiling. 

“You dope!” Gavin exclaims, happily though. “I thought you were gonna say no.”

“What?” Ryan asks, as he gets up from the kitchen table. “Shut up, Gavin. I’d never say no to you.”

“When I asked you to kiss me, you said no.” Gavin reminds him. Ryan laughs as a response. “So, halfway point?”

_____________________________

Gavin stood at their halfway point, waiting for Ryan. A navy blue car pulled up to him. He would’ve been nervous if he didn’t know that it was Ryan. Gavin didn’t hesitate to open the door and get in. 

“Ry,” Gavin says as he buckled his seatbelt. “Why’d you bring the car?”

“I need to get gas, and...I dunno.” Ryan puts his foot on the gas pedal. “I thought we could drive around or something.” Gavin looks at Ryan’s profile, the straight, gentle curve of his jaw. Ryan glances at him and it unsettles Gavin, not in a bad way. It’s just that sometimes, Gavin forgets just how...‘Ryan’ he is. Sometimes he’s Ryan, and then other times...he’s  _Ryan_.

“What are you thinking about?” The older boy asks as he turns left onto Main Street. 

“Just...you, I guess.” Gavin blushes and runs his fingers through his hair. Ryan smiles at what Gavin says. 

“Aw,” Ryan hums. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Thinking about me.” Ryan answers as he pulls into the gas station. “That makes me happy.”

“Well I think about you a lot.” Gavin admits and Ryan smiles again. 

“I think about you a lot, too.” 

When Ryan parks the car, he undoes his seatbelt. “You can stay here, I’ll be right back.”

“No! I wanna come with you!”

“Alright.” Ryan shrugs. 

“I didn’t finish my dinner, I’m dying for snacks.” Gavin says as he follows Ryan inside. 

“There’s some dinner left over at the farmhouse.” Ryan offers, but Gavin shakes his head. 

“I’m craving junk. Lots and lots of junk, Ryan.” Gavin goes to the snack aisle. 

“I would say ‘gross’ but, I can’t talk. I basically live off cookies.” Ryan replies. “But, I would never call Sweetie’s cookies ‘junk’ though.”

“Every cookie is art, Ry.” Gavin agrees with Ryan. 

They go off gathering snacks. Ryan is making his way to the cash register with his when he stops, seeing Gavin wide eyed staring at the frozen drink machine. Ryan looks both ways before furrowing his brow. 

“Are...you ok?” Ryan tries not to laugh at Gavin’s look of pure wonderment. 

“Ry, it’s so beautiful. Look at all the colors.” 

“Yeah,” Ryan puts his snacks down on the counter. “You want one?”

“What?” Gavin raises a brow. “Ryan, you don’t want me to drink one of those. All of that sugar? I’ll be bloody mental for the rest of the damn night.”

“I’d like to see that.” Ryan reaches for the transparent cup and hands one to Gavin, takes one for himself. 

“You’re insane.” Gavin puts his snacks down as well, following suit with Ryan. There were five flavors and Gavin didn’t hesitate to fill his cup randomly with each. Ryan only mixed cherry and lime. 

Snacks and frozen drinks, they went to the register, where Ryan proceeded to pay for the gas, and all of their items. Gavin didn’t realize until it was too late. 

“Ryan, what the...” Gavin frowned. The older male simply rose an eyebrow.

“What?” Ryan picked up his snacks and his drink and began walking out of the station store, Gavin not far behind, still complaining. 

“Ryan, you can’t do that! I could’ve paid for my own stuff.” 

“I wanted to, I did.” Ryan shrugged. “It’s done, Gav. Sorry.” Ryan wasn’t really sorry. He put his snacks into the car, Gavin did the same. Ryan began filling up the car, Gavin standing next to him. Both males leaning against the car. 

“Hey...” Gavin says gently. 

“Hm?” Ryan looks out passed the gas station where the  stars  seemed to meet the earth. 

“I know this song.” Gavin states, stepping away from the car, standing underneath the illuminated gas pumps. There was a speaker in the ceiling of the gas station that played the same music that was being played in the store. 

“You do?” Ryan replies, watching the numbers of the meter go up as his tank was filled. 

“Ryan, come here.” Gavin outstretches his arms to him. 

“Gav, what are you doing?” Ryan looked over his shoulder, smiling at the Brit. 

“I want you to dance with me, it’s a slow song.” Gavin poked out his bottom lip. 

“I mean...” Ryan took the hose from his car’s gas tank and put it back up on the meter. Closing the tank up, wiping his hands on his jeans. “I don’t know how to dance...”

“Of course you do, it’s easy.” Gavin says as Ryan approached. 

“Says you, I’m sure you’ve got lots of moves.” Ryan’s words make Gavin laugh. 

“I’m serious, this is a slow song. We just...flow.” Gavin tries to find a good word to describe it. But, judging by Ryan’s risen eyebrows, he wasn’t getting it. Gavin rolled his eyes. “Just hug me.”

“Huh?”

“Hug me.” Gavin opened his arms. Ryan stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Gavin’s slender frame, lacing his fingers behind Gavin’s back. Gavin laid his cheek upon Ryan’s shoulder. It wasn’t until Ryan felt Gavin swaying their bodies slowly, that Ryan realized the hug was a trap and Gavin’s gotten Ryan ‘dancing’. 

At least Gavin wasn’t lying. This was easy, Ryan didn’t even have to move his feet. At the places where their chests touched, Ryan could feel vibrations of Gavin humming along with the song. Gavin’s voice was soft and it prompted Ryan to close their eyes for a moment. 

They opened again when he felt Gavin’s swaying beginning to rotate, until they were moving in a slow circle. Then, Gavin stops humming to ask Ryan something.

“Ry,” 

“Yeah?”

“At the dance...before we heist and everything...”

“Yeah?”

“If there’s a slow song,” Gavin picks his head up from Ryan’s shoulder. “Will you do this with me?”

“You want me to dance with you?”

“Yes, please.” Gavin nods. “It’d make me very happy.”

“Um...” Ryan blushes, and his blue eyes look a little wary. “What if I forget how to do it?”

“Then I’ll teach you again, right there at the dance.” Gavin giggles. 

“Ugh,” Ryan rolls his eyes. “I’d do anything for you, and I guess...this counts as ‘anything’ so, sure Gavin.”

“You mean it??” Gavin grins widely. 

“Tomorrow, I’ll dance with you.” Ryan nodded. 

“Promise?”

“I promise.” Ryan nods again and Gavin holds Ryan tighter. 

“You make me so happy.” Gavin sighs contently when the song ends and another begins. 

They keep the eye contact for another moment longer. There’s a gentle fondness in Ryan’s eyes, that Gavin knows he’ll give into if he looks too long. He knows that he’ll end up kissing Ryan  if  they keep on looking at each other like that. 

“Let’s get back into the car before our drinks melt.”Gavin suggests, letting his arms drop from Ryan’s frame. 

“Alright.” Ryan gives him a small smile. 

~*~

“Oh, Ry!” Gavin points to the right. “Turn down this street.”

“Ok.” Ryan turns, he’s never been this way before. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” Gavin reaches into the bag of pretzels in his lap. “Open.” Gavin says to Ryan and the older boy lets his lips part wide enough to receive the snack. 

“Hm, thank you.” Ryan thanks Gavin for feeding him. Oddly enough, Gavin likes doing it. He thinks that he shouldn’t enjoy something this simple so much. But, it was another kind of way to take care of Ryan, and that was Gavin’s favorite thing to do. Though, it’s debatable to call feeding someone a million junk food things ‘taking care’ of someone, but whatever. 

Ryan chews thoughtfully as he continues driving down the street. 

“Ok, so right there,” Gavin points out the window to a small school building. There are jungle gyms, slides, and swings outside. “Stop the car.”

“What the hell?” Ryan asks, but he does it. “Where are we?”

“This is where my brother and sister go to school.” Gavin replies, picking up the bag of pretzels and the half empty frozen drink. “Come on.”

“We’re not breaking in...right?”

“Nope.” Gavin rolls his eyes, smiling at Ryan. “Will you just come on?”

“Fine.” Ryan follows Gavin empty handed. 

There’s something about these kinds of places that are kind of scary at night. The empty playground and the soulless school building. Behind the playground is a section of trees that goes on for a while. If Ryan looks at it too long, he feels almost like he’s being watched. He shakes his head to clear the thoughts. 

Gavin sits on a swing, Ryan doesn’t, he stands in front of Gavin. The Brit wants to actually use the swing, but he can’t because Ryan’s in the way. He didn’t really want Ryan to move anyway. It’s quiet between them, besides the sound of Gavin nibbling on pretzels. 

“I want another.” Ryan points to the bag. Gavin has one he’s just put between his lips, but hasn’t bitten into yet when Ryan asks. The Brit looks up and hums, indicating Ryan can take that one. 

Ryan chuckles as he leans in, taking it between his own lips. The two boys laugh. 

“More Gavin germs.” Ryan comments with his mouth full. 

“Want some more?” Gavin offers Ryan his drink. “I don’t know why you left all your snacks in the car.” Gavin comments, Ryan shrugs and takes Gavin’s cup. 

“Dunno.” Ryan says, after drinking from it. Still holding the cup, Ryan moves to a swing next to Gavin. It gets quiet again. 

“So,” Gavin says. 

“So...” Ryan agrees. 

“What’d you do while we were apart after school?” Gavin feels silly asking, but who knows. Maybe something important happened. 

“Um, nothing really.” Ryan frowns. “I kinda overheard Mimi talking to my mother.”

“Whaaaat??” Gavin says a bit loudly. “Talking to your mum??”

Ryan reaches over and nudges Gavin swing gently. “You can calm down. “ He says. “It wasn’t that exciting...I didn’t hear my mom’s voice.”

“Still, though!” Gavin exclaims. “She’s talking!”

“I mean...I’m happy for her.” Ryan shrugs. “I know what having ‘the silence’ is like, not for years and years straight obviously. But...it’s bad for the times I have had it for weeks and things like that. I can’t imagine what it must’ve been like for her.”

“Yeah...” Gavin feels bad too. For both of them. “But, do you know what your mum said? She didn’t ask to talk to you?”

“She might’ve asked.” Ryan guesses. “Even if she had, Mimi probably told her I wasn’t there. I’d just come in the house and Mimi didn’t know I was there.”

“Oh...”

“But, I heard Mimi talking about a ‘decision’ that I had to make. And stuff about me wanting to stay here, rather than going back to Georgia and those kinds of things.”

“What...?” Gavin’s heart feels like it’s stopped. 

“I dunno.” Ryan shakes his head. 

“Don’t go.”

“I’m not.”

“Don’t fucking leave me, please.” Gavin ignores what Ryan’s just said. “Don’t go.”

“Gav, listen to me.” Ryan frowns. “I’m not going anywhere. I don’t want to go anywhere.”

“Please don’t.” Gavin feels Ryan pull his swing sideways so that they’re close to each other. Ryan kisses Gavin’s temple. 

“Chill out, Gav.” Ryan smiles and then releases his swing. Gavin uses his feet to stop him from rocking side to side and bumping into Ryan. 

“You’re not going?” Gavin asks, Ryan shakes his head. “Do you think she could make you go back?”

“I don’t think so.” Ryan says. “I know she’s still in the hospital...and I know that the social worker deemed her as ‘unfit to care for child’ when I was moved in with Mimi.” 

“That would just suck...a lot.” Gavin frowns. “I wouldn’t want her to do anything to you...or make you feel lost and scared like she used to. I like you here. I like you happy.”

“I’m older now, I’d know how to handle her silence better.” Ryan shrugs. “Earlier this year before I arrived in Texas, I didn’t really have anyone who made me want to talk, and smile and stuff the way you do.”

“Aw, Ry.”

“No seriously, I was so quiet and I felt so alone.” Ryan sighs. “It sucked and no, I wasn’t happy. But if I go back now, knowing that you exist and knowing that you care about me would make me feel better. I’d be more quiet, sure...and I don’t know what I’d be like.”

“Don’t go back.”

“I’m not, Gav.” Ryan says. “I’m just letting you know that I wouldn’t be as bad as before if I went back.”

“Don’t.”

“Oh my gosh, let’s stop talking about it.” Ryan replies, pushing his foot back and letting the swing go into motion. Gavin listened to the rhythmic whine of the swing and looked straight ahead. He could see the bright neon red of an illuminated exit sign. It made the inside of the school have a strange red glow. 

The red glow, paired with the creak of the swing made Gavin feel scared. 

“Ry, can we go back to your house now?”

“Hm?” Ryan uses his feet to skid to a stop. “What’d you say?”

“I wanna leave now.” Gavin kept his eyes on Ryan. The older male nodded. 

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m scared.”

“I thought this place was creepy when we first got here too,” Ryan admits. “I stayed because I thought you wanted to.”

“I did, but...I just wanna go now.” Gavin stands up. 

“Let’s go.” Ryan smiles, taking Gavin’s hand. 

_____________________________

Upstairs in Ryan’s room, Gavin immediately goes to the cork board. Meanwhile, Ryan is in the bathroom. When he gets back, Gavin turns to smile at him. 

“Ry, you wrote to me in this one.” Gavin points to the strip of photo booth photos. Ryan nods, smiling too.

“I was wondering if you were going to notice that or not.” Ryan walks over to the board to look at it too. 

“What made you do that?”

“Write to you?” Ryan asks. “I really don’t know.”

“Hm...” Gavin hums then turns back to the board. 

“I think it’s because my collection is so ‘you’ oriented.” Ryan shrugs. “And you’re the only one who sees this stuff. Also, everything here, even though I shared most things with you, I still want you to see it.”

“Well,” Gavin wraps one arm around Ryan’s waist. “Thank you, Ryan. I like it a lot.”

“You’re welcome, I guess.” Ryan chuckles. “I never thought you’d thank me for this stuff.”

“I love this stuff, of course I’m thanking you for it.” Gavin walks across Ryan’s room, standing in the middle of it. “Come here, I have something I thought you’d like to see.”

“What is it?” 

“A fortune I got at dinner, it made me think of you...I thought you might like it for your board.”

“Um...maybe, let me see it.” Ryan crosses over to Gavin and the Brit hands him the fortune. After he reads it, he smiles softly and meets Gavin’s eyes. “It made you think of me?”

“Yeah.” Gavin nods. “Because...I’ll never leave you, and you’ll never leave me. Right?”

“Right.” Ryan holds the fortune in his hand for a moment before placing it back into Gavin’s. 

“You don’t want it, Ry?”

“No...I’d like you to keep it.” Ryan insists. “There are a million reasons why I want you to keep it, but...just trust that I do like it. I’d just rather it be with you.”

“I trust you.” Gavin puts it back into his pocket, then shifts his weight. “So...”

“So? 

“What do we do now?” Gavin asks. 

“I told you it’s boring here.” Ryan shrugs. 

“I’m not bored.” Gavin shakes his head. “I just wanna do something.”

“Isn’t that what boredom is?” Ryan shrugs. “Not having anything to do.”

“Ryan, hush.” Gavin folds his arms. “I’m just hyper.”

“Ok, Gavin.” Ryan says. “If you could do anything right now, what would you wanna do?”

“Um...” Gavin blushes. 

“Well?”

“Nothing.” Gavin shakes his head again. 

“Nothing?” Ryan raises a brow. 

“Maybe play video games or something.” 

“Aw, well we can’t do that.” Ryan frowns. 

“Yeah, because you’re yet to get hip to the times, Ry.”

“I’m... _hip_.” Ryan protests but it feels like a lie on his lips.

“You act like you’re just as hip as Mimi is.” Gavin laughs. 

“I’m telling Mimi that you said she wasn’t hip, tomorrow.” Ryan informs the blonde. 

“Ryan, no.” Gavin walks back over to Ryan and wraps his arms around the older boy’s neck. “I know what I want to do.”

“Really?” Ryan raises a brow. “What is it?”

“I want to play with you.” Gavin announces and Ryan’s eyebrows come together. 

“Play with me?”

“Yeah.”

“Like...?”

“Like we’re little kids.” Gavin giggles, leaning forward to kiss Ryan’s cheek. 

“How...do we do that?” Ryan blushes from the kiss. 

Gavin looks at Ryan with a taunting gaze before shoving Ryan’s shoulder. 

“Ow...what-” Ryan is cut off by another shove. “What the hell are you doing?”

“I dunno, you tell me...” Gavin shoves Ryan again. Then, Ryan shoves back. “Hey!”

“You started it!” Ryan retorts, blocking another shove that Gavin tries to deliver. The Brit smirks and goes for Ryan’s side instead, jabbing two fingers at him. Ryan folds to one side reflexively, laughing because the jab tickled. 

“Gavin, stop!” 

“Jab, jab, jab!” Gavin alternates sides making Ryan twist and turn trying to get away. He trips over his own feet and lands to the floor. The fall looks and sounds painful, so Gavin gets worried. “Are you ok?”

Ryan doesn’t respond, instead he curls into a ball. Hissing as he does so. 

“Fuck, Ryan...are you ok?” Gavin’s voice cracks when he gets scared. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” Gavin see’s a flash of Ryan’s white teeth, the bastard is laughing. “Oh, you dick, Ryan.”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” Ryan says as he sits up. “I’m fine.”

“You’re not going to be in a minute!” Gavin pounces on Ryan, the two rolling around and squirming. Fighting for dominance, trying to pin each other. Gavin is smaller, and not as strong as Ryan, so it’s no surprise that he ends up on the bottom, pinned under Ryan’s hips. 

“So,” Ryan smirked from above Gavin. “You still think this was a good idea?”

“Ryan, no fair...” Gavin pretending to pout. “You’re supposed to let me win!”

“Who says?” Ryan leans down to press a kiss to Gavin’s cheek. “You look cute when you lose.”

“Shut up.” Gavin folds his arm. 

“Now the question is, do I tickle you or no...”

“Ryan, please don’t!” Gavin grabs the older boy’s wrists. “I’ll seriously pee myself.”

“Doubt it.”

“You shouldn’t. I wouldn’t lie to you, Ry.” Gavin tries to sit up, but he can’t with Ryan still above him. “I must say though, I’ve exhausted all of my energy.”

“Lame, no round two?”

“No round two.” Gavin looks into Ryan’s eyes as he props himself up on his elbows. “Can we lay down?”

“Like...to sleep or just to talk and stuff?”

“I dunno.”

“If you want.” Ryan nods. “You wanna get dressed for bed?”

“I don’t need to ‘get dressed’, I need to get undressed.”Gavin informs him. 

“Right,” Ryan nods. “I forgot that you only sleep in your underwear.” He rolls his eyes. “Why do you think they invented pajamas, Gavin?”

“You should try it.” Gavin sits up all the way when Ryan gets off of him. “It’s really comfortable.”

“Don’t you get cold?”

“Nope.”

“Fine.” Ryan stands up then slips his shirt over his head. 

“Really?” 

“Why are you so surprised?” 

“I kinda thought you were a prude.” Gavin shrugs and stands up as well. Ryan laughs at his comment. 

“A prude?” 

“Yeah,” Gavin nods. “You’re ‘good guy Ry’ and all that.”

“Who says??” Ryan is really curious to find out why Gavin thinks he’s a prude.

“It’s obvious.” Gavin shrugs. “You’ve got a pure mind. You don’t think about...ya know. Willies and bums and all that.”

“Willies and bums?” Ryan’s eyebrows go up before he goes into uncontrollable laughter. Gavin isn’t sure if he’s ever witnessed Ryan laugh this hard. 

“Would you bloody shut up, Ryan?” Gavin steps out of his pants, this time, he doesn’t go through the effort of folding them up. He pulls his shirt over his head and lets it fall beside his pants. 

When he looks up, Ryan is already laying his his bed, clad only in cerulean underwear. Gavin likes the color against Ryan’s creamy skin, of course, he won’t say so. 

“Should I turn out the light, Ry?”

“Eh, sure.” Ryan shrugs. 

With the light out, Gavin crosses the room. He feels himself stepping on discarded clothing items, not sure if they’re his or Ryan’s. He climbs into bed and Ryan gladly cuddles up to him. His breathing changes when he feels something...he’s never really felt before. 

There’s so much skin. His own, and Gavin’s. It’s seemingly endless and warm. Ryan is surprised...but it burns. Not like acid to the skin, or fire to his nerves. But like a warm ember. 

Gavin’s body fits his own perfectly. Ryan doesn’t want to move at all. He hadn’t managed to get into a completely comfortable position, but he doesn’t care. Being wrapped in Gavin’s warmth was already enough to make him nearly fall asleep. 

“Are you ok?” Gavin’s voice is soft in the dark, quiet room. 

“Yeah.” Ryan looks up at him. The moonlight spilling into the room is enough to let him see the green in Gavin’s eyes. 

“Alright,” Gavin smiles at him. “Goodnight, Ry.”

“Night, Gavin.”

_____________________________

Gavin wakes up on Saturday morning, stretching and feeling empty space beside him. He looks up and sees no Ryan, but he can smell food downstairs. The sun is bright and Gavin can tell that he’s slept in and it’s later in the morning. 

He decides to wait a while, to see if Ryan will come upstairs and get back in bed with him. But, as more time passes, and there’s still no Ryan, Gavin hums as he get out of bed. 

Gavin glances at he and Ryan’s clothes scattered on the floor. He doesn’t feel like getting dressed completely, so he just scoops up Ryan’s hoodie from the floor. It says something about Georgia on the front, but he doesn’t bother reading it. The burgundy hoodie is comfortable and it smells like Ryan. 

As the Brit makes his way down the stairs of the farmhouse, he can hear dishes being washed in the sink. When he enters the kitchen, he sees Ryan at the sink. 

“Good morning.” Gavin greets the older male. Ryan looks over his shoulder at him, double taking at the display of Gavin’s grey and blue boxers. 

“We’re being modest this morning, aren’t we?” Ryan gives Gavin a healthy dose of sarcasm. 

“Huh?” Gavin asks as he sits down, when he feels the cool wood of the kitchen chair beneath his mostly bare thighs, he remembers that he isn’t wearing pants. He hadn’t even thought of the possibility of Mimi coming in and seeing him in his underwear. “Should I go get pants?”

“Nah,” Ryan shakes his head. “Mimi has eaten and she’s napping again. She won’t be up for a while.” He says as he sits down next to Gavin. “Good morning.”

“Hey,” Gavin gives a sleepy smile and leans over to brush his cheek against Ryan’s shoulder. 

“Want your breakfast?” Ryan asks, using a hand to ruffle Gavin’s sleep disheveled hair. Gavin nods at him, then gives a large yawn. “Alright.” Ryan gets up and brings an aluminum foil covered plate to the younger male. 

“Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Ryan sits back down. “I would’ve waited to eat with you, but Mimi won’t eat unless I eat with her. And her medicine says she has to take it with a meal and-”

“Ry,” Gavin stops him. “If you’re trying to apologize, don’t.” 

“But-”

“Don’t, I don’t mind that you ate with Mimi.” Gavin smiles as he takes his first bite. “I wish that I had. Why didn’t you wake me?”

“You looked so peaceful, I couldn’t wake you.” Ryan shrugs. 

“Aw,” Gavin coos. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Ryan looks at Gavin’s hoodie, well  _his_  hoodie. “That looks familiar.”

Gavin looks down at the hoodie. “Yeah.”

“You’re just really cute today.” Ryan comments. 

“Ha, yeah. Sure.” Gavin rolls his eyes. 

“You are.” Ryan assures him then changes the topic when he remembers what today is. “Heist day!”

Gavin’s eyes widen a the sudden outburst. He’s stunned for a moment, then recovers quickly enough to join in Ryan’s excitement. “Yes, Ry. Heist day!”

“Heist name: Robin Hood, takes place today!”

“You’re so excited, Ryan.” Gavin gives an amused chuckle. “My god.”

“How are you not??” Ryan beams. 

“I’m still half asleep, buddy.”

“Buddy?” Ryan sputters at this. “Do you want coffee?”

“Um...nah.” Gavin wants to say yes, but he also doesn’t want to get pepped up and then crash again like last night. 

“Tea?”

“If you wouldn’t mind, I don’t want you to have to make some just for me.” Gavin knits his eyebrows together. 

“I made some for Mimi, don’t worry.” Ryan brings the kettle over after grabbing two teacups. “I dunno how warm it is, but I could reheat it, if you want.”

“If it’s too cold, I can put some ice in it and have iced tea.” Gavin shrugs. Ryan pauses in his motions and he stares off into the distance. 

“Gavin...”

“Huh?”

“You genius.” Ryan declares. “I’ve been tossing cold tea all of this time!”

“Wasting tea??” Gavin exclaims. 

“I know!”

“Ryan, please!” Gavin puts his hands on his face. “The horror!” By now, Gavin is kidding, but Ryan is still all serious. 

“All of that tea, wasted!”

“Calm down, Ry.” Gavin giggles, scooping up some more food into his mouth. “It’s too late to save the other tea, but from now on, you can save your tea and chill it when you have some left over.”

“You’re right, you’re right.” Ryan finally pours the tea, drinking his plain while Gavin has his with sugar. 

As they drink their tea, and Gavin eats his breakfast, the Brit keeps trying to guess which mask Ryan has picked out. 

“A wolf?”

“Nope.”

“Bear?”

“Nope.”

“So not an animal?” Gavin takes another bite of his meal.

“Nope.”

“So a monster?”

“You could say that...” Ryan shrugs. 

“A werewolf?”

“No.”

“A vampire?”

“Nah.”

“I can’t guess anymore.”

“Good, I wasn’t going to tell you anyway.”

“Even if I said the right thing?”

“Yeah.”

“So it’s possible that I said the right thing, but you’re just being a pleb and not telling me?”

“Well, you didn’t say the right one.” Ryan informs him. “But still, I wouldn’t have if you did.”

“Ugh,”

“Sorry, Gav.” 

 

~*~

 

After breakfast, Gavin asks to go shower. Ryan says he was planning on doing that, but Gavin could go first.

When Gavin comes out the shower, Ryan is sitting at his desk, writing.

“You know Ry,” Gavin drops his towel to the floor and goes digging into his backpack for his clothes. “While I was in the shower, I was wondering something.”

“Yeah?'

“Well, why do you like chocolate chip cookies so much?”

Ry is quiet for a moment as he digs through a stack of notebooks, on a shelf above his desk. He shuffles through one for a certain entry, he shows it to Gavin.

“This page talks about a memory that I have, sometimes I dream about it.” Ryan begins. “There’s a reason that I like chocolate chip cookies so much. I can feel it, when I think about them. Weird I know, but...it’s something...” Ryan frowns as he tries to concentrate harder. “When I was younger...I remember someone giving me one when I was upset. It was something as simple as them reaching up to where I couldn’t and handing me one.”

“Do you remember who? Or when?” Gavin asks. 

“No, but..” Ryan closes his eyes. “It makes me emotional.”

“We don’t have to talk about it if y-”

“I remember there were a lot of people around, and that has always made me feel afraid.”

“Ryan...”

“I remember the person touched me, too. It didn’t burn, but it made me cry harder...and then...someone got upset.”

“You don’t remember who got upset, either?”

“No.” Ryan shakes his head. “It’s like their faces are empty spaces.” 

Ryan’s face goes distant, and Gavin drops the topic naturally. Soon though, Ryan is back to normal and they talk about other things. Wasting time away before it was time to get ready for the dance. 

_____________________________

The farm worker arrives in the early evening. He lets himself in through the backdoor, as the workers do usually when they need to enter the house. Gavin and Ryan had been upstairs, talking and such beforehand. When the farmworker yells ‘hello’, Ryan immediately runs down the stairs, followed shortly by Gavin would had to step into a pair of pants before going down. 

“Oh, hello, James...or um, Ms. Amy told me you liked to go by Ryan.” The man scratches his head. “It’s Ryan, right?”

Ryan nodded as Gavin came to his side. 

“I’m sorry that I’ve never formally introduced myself.” The man extended his hand. “My name is Paul Adams. I’ve known your grandmother nearly all my life.”

Ryan shook Paul’s hand, then the man turned to Gavin. 

“And you are?” Paul asks, a smile on his face.

“I’m Gavin Free, I’m new to town and I live a few streets over.” Gavin shook his hand as well. 

“Well, nice to meet you, Gavin.” Paul looked at both of them. “You two boys have fun tonight, Ms. Amy and I will be alright.”

“Uh...” Ryan uttered the first syllable he’s ever said to Paul. “Th-thank you.” He expressed the words from within himself shakily. Gavin smiled at Ryan proudly. Paul smiled too. 

“My pleasure.” Paul replies, making his way to the board by the back door. It’s the one that usually has the chores for the farmworkers listed on it. He looks to see if there’s anything that he could do now before tending to Mimi.  

“Ry,” Gavin turns to the older boy. “Let’s go check on Mimi, then we should go get ready.”

Ryan nods and they cross the kitchen into Mimi’s bedroom. She’s sitting up on bed, using an unsteady hand to try and brush her hair. 

“Mimi,” Ryan frowns softly at his grandmother. “I can help.”

“Are you sure? I know you boys probably have things to do...” Mimi looks up at the two young men. 

“Can I try?” Gavin asks. Ryan and Mimi both turn their attention to Gavin. Ryan looks at Mimi, who’s smiling gratefully at the Brit. 

“I’d appreciate the help,” She extends the brush out to him. “My arms were getting tired.”

“You could’ve asked us for help earlier.” Ryan is still frowning. “Maybe I should stay here with you tonight. It’s selfish of me to go out when you’re not well.”

Gavin’s glow falters a bit. He really wants to go out with Ryan tonight, but he understands that it is kind of rude to just leave Mimi here alone. He cares for her very much, he’d be willing to pass up the heist to keep her company. 

“Listen to me, both of you.” Mimi says sternly as Gavin sits beside her, taking a section of her silver hair and passing the brush through it gently. “Tonight, you two have been looking forward to for a long while. I refuse to hold you back.”

“But-” Ryan tries to protest but she holds up her hand. 

“Paul is here, he will stay with me all night.” She assures them. “I’m in good hands, and I want you two to have fun, for goodness sake. You’re teenagers! Go live your lives!”

“Mimi...” Ryan comes to sit on her other side. “If anything happens, or...I don’t know. You promise to call me? Don’t leave me hanging like last time, ok?”

Mimi is quiet for a while as she thinks, Gavin continues to brush her long hair. Mimi’s cold frail hand reaches over and pats Ryan’s, she nods. Mimi’s touch is gentle but Ryan still flinches at first. He lets it happen and he likes it. He wants to hug her but can’t figure how to do it. So, instead he gives her a small grin. When she moves her hand away from his, Ryan stands up with a stretch. Gavin tries not to notice the way his stretch exposes the small area of skin above Ryan’s waistband. 

“Ready to get our costumes on?” Ryan asks Gavin. The Brit teeters a bit with excitement. 

“Yeah, yeah! I’m ready!”

~*~

“Ow, hey!” Ryan yelps when Gavin bumps him with his arm to get ahead of the older. Gavin quickly makes his way to Ryan’s room. When Ryan gets there, Gavin squeaks.

“Where’s my bag, Ry?” Gavin asks, rubbing his hands together. “I’m so fucking excited!”

Ryan rose an eyebrow. “We’ve got an F-bomb from Mr. Free.”

“Sorry,” Gavin blushed as he watched Ryan retrieve the bag from his closet. “Thank you, Ry.”

“Don’t be sorry, I like it.” Ryan dropped his own bag onto his bed, then shrugged his T-shirt over his head. “I’m glad you’re excited, me too.” Gavin watched Ryan undress for a moment, then shook his head. 

“Ryan! We can’t get dressed in front of each other!” Gavin exclaimed. 

“Why not? We did last night.”

“I know, but...we can’t see each other’s costumes yet!”

“We picked the costume part out together, I already saw your fancy clothes.” Ryan reminds him. “I just haven’t seen your mask, is all.”

“Again, I know...but I want there to be a big reveal.” Gavin crossed the room to the door. “I’m gonna get dressed in the bathroom. I’ll come back when I’m dressed.”

Ryan shrugged. “Alright.”

Gavin took his bag and went down the hallway to the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and leaned against it. Biting his lip to tone down his squeal. He was about to go to the dance with Ryan. Rather or not they would be staying for a while...this was kind of their first date. Ryan had even called it a date himself when they were at lunch with their friends the other day.

With a glance in the mirror, Gavin saw that his face was flushed. He cursed at himself, telling himself to ‘stay cool’ as if that would change the excitement and nervousness in his stomach. It was a good thing that he had decided to get dressed in the bathroom. He felt like he could throw up...in a good way though? He shimmied out of his pants and pulled on the black dress slacks from the bag. He wondered again what Ryan’s mask would be. He could already bet it was something creepy. 

Ryan got dressed quickly. He wore black slacks as well, a white button down shirt and a black bow tie. Pretty fancy for a Halloween dance. But, Ryan’s goals for his and Gavin’s costumes were for them to look like they could fuck shit up, but also take you to a nice five start restaurant for dinner afterwards. Ryan was about to take his mask from the bag when there was a knock on the door. 

“Ryan?” Gavin spoke from the other side. 

“Yeah?”

“Are you dressed?”

“Yeah.” 

“Do you...have on your mask?”

“Should I?”

“I have on mine.”

“I’ll put mine on, wait a sec.” Ryan took the mask from his bag and put it over his head. “Alright...come in.”

Ryan’s bedroom door had never been opened so slowly before. Gavin peeked his head in and Ryan saw fur on his mask. So, Gavin had gone with an animal? But...Ryan couldn’t tell which one. Gavin stayed peeked through the door. Ryan chuckled from behind his own mask. 

“Would you come in here?” Ryan rolled his eyes. “I want to see you.”

“Alright, alright.” Gavin pushed the door open all the way and stood in the doorway. Ryan’s blue eyes went wide and he began to laugh. “Ryan! It’s not funny!”

“Oh my...oh my fucking god!” Ryan continued to chortle. 

“Well...what the bloody hell are you supposed to be, huh?” Gavin tried to defend himself but Ryan was basically paying no attention. 

“You’re a cute little bear!” Ryan coos, walking forward, taking Gavin’s hand, and pulling him forward into the bedroom where the was more light. 

“Koalas aren’t bears actually...” Gavin replies shyly as Ryan inspects him. 

“It’s realistic.” Ryan comments as he brushes his hand lightly over the furry ear. 

“Actually, it is. I liked the details of the-”

“No,” Ryan stops him. “I mean the nose on the mask, its huge. Like yours, so this mask was a realistic choice.”

“Ryan!” Gavin squawks and Ryan goes back into his booming laughter. The Brit folds his arms and again asks Ryan was his mask is meant to be. 

“I’m a scarecrow.” Ryan answers, finally. “I thought it was super creepy. Like the way the rubbery aspect of the mask makes it seem more like the scarecrow is fleshy. Like...could you imagine a fleshy scarecrow? That’d be creepy as hell.”

“Ry...” Gavin reaches up a hand to run his fingers over the mouth of the mask. It’s sewn shut. “Why is the mouth all sewn up?”

“Um...” Ryan shrugs. “I didn’t really think about it.”

“It’s like you.” Gavin comments. “It can’t talk.” The younger male’s voice is soft and gentle, like he feels sorry for the scarecrow on the mask, and the one hidden behind it. 

“Gav...” Ryan reaches up to brush the back of his hand against Gavin’s arm. “It’s alright...its just a mask.”

“I know...” Gavin leaned forward and kissed the sewn mouth of the mask. “I guess your mask is just really ‘realistic’ too then.”

Ryan was blushing hard behind the mask, he kind of wished that he wasn’t wearing it so he could’ve gotten that kiss from Gavin. Of course, he doesn’t say anything about it though. 

“But, Ry...”

“Hm?”

“You have to admit that my mask is pretty...high koala-ty.” Gavin giggled.

“What?”

“Like quality...Ryan.”

“Are you fucking making puns at me right now?” Ryan folds his arms. 

“It depends on what your...koalafications for puns are.” 

“Stop, please.”

“Ok, ok.” Gavin tried to stop laughing at himself. “Damn it, I wish Barbara would know it was me behind the koala mask at the dance tonight. She’d love to make puns with me.”

“Speaking of the dance, we should get going.” Ryan pulls his phone from the pocket of his jeans. He looked at the time. “The dance starts in less than an hour.”

“Do we want to get there as soon as it starts though?” Gavin asks. “The later the better right.”

“We want all of the snacks, Gavin.” Ryan reminds him. “There won’t be any left if we get there too late.”

“Point taken.” Gavin nodded. “Let’s go, Ry.”

_____________________________

When Ryan and Gavin walked down the stairs of the farmhouse, Mimi and Paul were sitting in the living room. It was odd, Ryan can’t remember ever seeing Mimi really spend any time in this room. Both Mimi and Paul looked up when the boys entered. Mimi beamed and pat Paul’s leg. 

“Look at them!” Mimi stands shakily on her feet, using her cane to walk around to the other side of the couch to get a better look at them. “Paul, there’s a polaroid camera on the mantle on the bookshelf there. Could you take a few pictures of them.”

“Sure, Ms. Amy.” Paul crosses to the bookshelf. “This camera is way older than you boys.”

“I hope it still works.” Mimi watches as Paul fiddles with the camera, then points it at the two teens. Ryan opens his left arm for Gavin to stand in it. They stand close and pose for the camera. They take a couple with their masks on, then Mimi asks for a couple with the masks off. The pictures print from the camera as soon as they’re taken and Mimi looks at them, chirping about how cute they are. Ryan smiles for the ones without his mask. Mostly because Gavin has whispered something funny in his ear. 

When they’re done taking pictures, Ryan and Gavin looked at them as well. Ryan wanted to leave right after the photos, but instead, he ran to the kitchen with them to write on the white boxes on the bottom on the photos. Gavin looked over his shoulder as he did so, smiling widely. Ryan left the pictures on the table and stood up. 

“Ready to go?” Ryan asked him and Gavin nodded. They picked up their masks from the table. 

_____________________________

The dance is going smoothly so far, Ryan is pleased about this. When he and Gavin walk in, they mostly go unnoticed. There is a teacher greeting students as they come in. The teacher compliments their costumes, but they don’t say anything to her. She doesn’t know who they are, Gavin knows her. She’s one of Michael’s teachers. 

Gavin can see Ryan scoping out the area. There are colored lights hanging around the walls. They are orange and purple, the colors are glowing on their skin. Loud music vibrating through their bodies. All of the students are enjoying themselves, the atmosphere. But, this is a bit out of Ryan’s comfort zone. He likes quiet and calm, and this is the exact opposite. At first, Ryan is stunned by all of the people, all the activity and lights and sounds. But it becomes tolerable as he lets it all blur into one sound mentally, instead of allowing all of the senses to be riled up at once. 

When Ryan looks to his side, he sees Gavin eyeing a group of students across the gym on the dance floor. It’s their friends. 

Griffon with purple glittery butterfly wings, and she’s done her eye makeup to match. 

Barbara, or zombarbara rather standing next to vampire!Michael. 

Jack was wearing a flannel long sleeved shirt and a fake axe over his shoulder...a ‘lumberJack’. 

Geoff had amused Barbara extraordinarily with his cheaply made costume. He’s a ‘speeding ticket’. He was too lazy to get a costume, so he bought a few packets of ‘iron on letters’ and put the word ‘fine’ all over the T-shirt.

Ray and his date Jessie are dressed as Pokemon trainers. Both with Pokemon backpacks and holding Pokeballs. 

Ryan feels bad for a moment, wants to call off the heist so Gavin can go be with his friends. Even with the mask on, Ryan can tell by the way Gavin is standing that he’s itching to walk over there. 

The boy in the scarecrow mask sighed a bit, thanking the DJ for playing internally for playing a song that didn’t have enough bass to rattle his brain out of his head. This song was mellow.

“Hey, Gav-” Ryan is about to say something when Gavin turns to him. 

“Ry, this is a slow song.” Gavin looks up at him. 

“Yeah, so?” Ryan is confused at to why Gavin is stating the obvious. 

“You owe me a dance,” Said the lad in the koala mask. Ryan snickered when he looked at Gavin’s mask, remembering how silly he looks. 

“I’ll dance with you, if you want.” Ryan shrugs. It doesn’t really matter to him. He’s nervous about it, because he doesn’t want to step on Gavin’s feet. He doesn’t want to disappoint Gavin. 

Ryan reaches down and takes Gavin’s hand, their fingers lace on their own like they already know how to fit together perfectly. Probably from all of their days of practice holding hands nearly everyday. 

Griffon glances over her shoulder at the dance floor which is slowly  becoming less full. There are a few couples out there, and then some pairs of friends slow dancing. Griffon is looking at Geoff, wondering if he’d like to dance, but he’s engrossed in his conversation with Jack. So, she grabs Barbara’s hand. Michael has disappeared with Ray and Jessie to the snack table anyway. 

Barbara gladly accepts the invitation to dance. 

“So, I think I’ve spotted Gavin and Ryan.” Barbara announces. “Over there.”

“Where?” Griffon looks passed Barbara at the Koala and...scary sewn mouth masked person. “No way, that’s not them.”

“It  _has_  to be.” Barbara shakes her head, looking over her shoulder at the pair. “The height difference.”

“So?”

“Hey, ladies.” Geoff says, dancing his way over with Jack. Griffon giggles seeing her boyfriend holding Jack closely for the slow dance. “Since Griffon replaced me, I replaced her.”

“This switch can be permanent if you want.” Griffon teases.

“Sounds good.” Jack chuckles. “I can’t wait to put my facial hair all over Geoff.”

“Ugh, never mind. This won’t work out.” Geoff laughs but follows Griffon’s eyes. “Why ya staring at the dudes?”

“Barb thinks it's Gavin and Ryan.” Griffon informs Jack and Geoff as Michel, Ray and Jessie approach. 

“Gavin and Ryan what now?” Michael asks, Barbara points to the koala and the scarecrow. “Shut the fuck up.” Michel’s eyes widen, the fake vampire fangs in his mouth make his sound kind of lispy when he talks.

“How can you tell?” Ray asks as the koala lays his head on the scarecrow’s chest. “That’s them alright.”

“Those assholes,” Geoff frowns. “If they wanted to go on a date...I mean yeah...but they don’t have to ignore us at the dance because of it.”

“Hush,” Griffon pats Geoff’s shoulder. “I’m sure they have their reasons.”

“I’m gonna go say something to them, see if it’s really them.” Michael announces. “And if it is, I’m gonna fucking-”

“Leave them alone.” Ray shakes his head. “Rather it’s them or not, those two seem to be having a moment. Let them have it.” He turns to his date. “C’mon, Jess, let’s dance.”

The dark haired girl looks shyly at Ray, but she nods and follows him onto the floor. 

“Ray’s right.” Barbara says. “Let them have this, Michael.”

“Ugh, fine.” Michael puts an arm around Barb, the other around Griffon. “I’ll just join you two.”

“Sounds good.” Griffon smiles. 

Across the floor, Gavin and Ryan are unaware of having been noticed by their friends. But, they aren’t the only ones who know their true identities under the masks. Burnie knows. 

He feels a bit awkward about knowing the way that they hold hands, but he’s seen it in the hallways before. They always  tapped their fingertips together  until the other moves their hand so their fingers can lace. Burnie would be lying if he didn’t find it adorable. He knew it was Gavin and Ryan when they held hands and Ryan lead them to the dance floor. Burnie smiles at them before going back to monitor the other partygoers as he was one of the chaperons for the Halloween dance. 

Gavin was in Ryan’s arms as the ambient music played and that was all he could ask for right now. It seemed like it wasn’t long enough. One moment he and Ryan were swaying peacefully to the song, the next, the colored lights began to flick and the loud music was back. 

Neither or them had moved though. Both still wrapped up in each other. 

“This is the perfect distraction.” Ryan spoke loudly into Gavin’s ear as the dance floor once again became crowded. 

“I should pull it now?” Gavin looks up at him. 

“It’d be best.”

“Alright.” Gavin smirks. “Heist: Robin Hood begins now.”

“Now.” Ryan pats Gavin’s back gently, sending him on his way. 

With everyone distracted by the music, Gavin made his way over to the control panel on the far wall, near the entrance to one of the locker rooms. He opened it, and with a flip of the switch, he killed all power to the gym. 

The music disappears and is replaced by sounds of general concern, shouts and laughter. 

“Everyone stay calm!” Burnie shots above the hum of students. While he tries to calm the students, Ryan moves into his position. As he’d mapped out mentally the times that Barbara has shown him the gym, he follows the taped down power chords. They go in three different directions, but Ryan knows which one will lead him to the refreshments. 

Ryan worried for a second rather or not Gavin is alright, if another chaperon had caught him or not. But, Ryan focuses on his task. He finds the dessert table which is on wheels as Ryan remembered that it would be. In the dark of the blacked out gym, he pushes the table toward the double doors or the gym. 

At the door, Gavin  joins him. 

“Good, you’re alright.” Ryan comments as the Brit opens the door for him. 

“Of course, Ry.” Gavin smiles. “We’re top notch gangsters.”

“I don’t think gangsters say ‘top notch’ like that, but sure.” Ryan pushes the table down the long hall towards the front doors of the school, picking up speed. Gavin close on his heels. 

The students and other staff hear the gym doors close, the boom of them swinging shut is rather loud in the near silent gym. Not even two minutes after the doors have closed, Burnie has the lights back on. 

Everyone is listening to Burnie announcing that everything is fine, some pranksters had flipped the switch. When Burnie asks if anyone knows who it was, no one says anything. Right after that, someone announces that some of the snacks and things are missing. Burnie looks over at the refreshments, one table is entirely gone. The other two are askew. 

Burnie is in disbelief, how could that happen so quickly? He remembers the double doors opening, and he scans the student to see who's left. He realizes he can't spot Gavin and Ryan, and he smiles to himself. Gavin and Ryan's friends have also noticed

“Well everyone,” Burnie speaks up. “I think we’ve just been visited by the friendly ‘Ghost Bandits’.”

“The what?” A students asks from the crowd. 

“Friendly?” Another says. “They stole our food!”

“Quit whining, enjoy the party! The night is still young!” Griffon yells.

_____________________________

Gavin can’t stop squealing with adrenaline, Ryan has been grinning widely since they left the gym. His face hurts but he can’t get it to stop. 

“That was bloody amazing!” Gavin squees. “And not one thing went wrong!”

“Yeah, I know!” Ryan starts his car and drives off the school property. “You did so great!”

“Me? You got the damn table out of there.” Gavin shakes his head. “I couldn’t get that whole thing out of there without getting it stuck somewhere or hitting someone with it.”

“I wouldn’t had remembered which switch went to which room.” Ryan says.

“They were bloody labeled, Ryan.”

“I know but, still.” Ryan shrugs. “I would've fucked up and hit the wrong one anyway.”

“Ryan,” Gavin says when the car turns in the direction of the farmhouse. “I don’t want to go back to the farm.”

“Huh?” The older glances over at Gavin then brings his eyes back to the road. 

“I...there’s somewhere else.”

“What...? Where?”

Gavin pointed up the road. “Turn here.”

Ryan complies and he realizes that they’re going back towards Maine Street. But, when they get there, Gavin doesn’t tell him to stop...and they’re heading out of the small town. 

“Gavin...” Ryan’s brow furrows. It’s so dark this way. The long road that leads out of town. Ryan has only been on it twice since he’s  moved here. Once coming into the small town, and again when he road with the farm workers to pick up machinery from a larger farm out of town. 

Gavin didn’t say anything for a moment. “There, turn there.”

“That doesn’t even look like a road.”

“Just trust me.”

“Fine...but-”

“Shhh...”

~*~

Ryan follows Gavin's poor turn by turn instructions for a while, down some strange looking dark roads which lead them somewhere Ryan’s never been before. Ryan gets nervous when they pass nothing but flat land for a while. Has gavin gotten them lost? 

However, Gavin finally perks up when he sees what he was leading them to. 

“There it is!” Gavin pats Ryan’s arms. 

“Oh my god, Gav.” Ryan is driving the car across the paves lot, parking right where he lot meets sand. They're faced with large body of water. “Is this the ocean?”

“This isn’t called the ‘ocean’ even though they’re connected.” Gavin shrugs, Ryan turns the car off. “It’s called a gulf...or a sea or something? You’ve never been here.”

“I didn’t know there was a beach anywhere around here.” Ryan says. “Driving into town, I saw the water and stuff...it looked so far away to me. I had no desire to go there though. Especially since I didn’t think there was a beach attached to it.”

“Silly, Ry.” Gavin rolls his eyes playfully. “Come to the water with me?”

“I’m not getting in.”

“I didn’t say get it.” Gavin opens his car door. “I just wanna walk.”

“People get murdered on the beach at night,” Ryan informs him. “It’s not safe to go walking around places like this at night, you dope.”

“Ugh, don’t suck the fun out of this, please?” Gavin gets out of the car, but leaves the door open so he can still hear Ryan. 

“What’s the fun in getting murdered?”

“I’ll protect you.”

“Ha, ok.” Ryan sarcasms. 

“Please, Ryan?” Gavin pokes his head back into the car. “Just for a little while, Ry...please?'

Ryan sighs, exiting the car. He opens the backseat door so he could reach passed their discarded masks and into the bowl of Sweetie’s cookies. A whole huge bowl of cookies and they were all his. He felt so content with his seemingly endless supply of cookies. After he grabbed the cookie, he followed Gavin to the sand. 

The only sounds are their feet on the sand and the waves crashing. The waves at night are haunting in a lovely way. The sound was like the world collapsing on itself in a beautiful fluid display. 

Down by the water, it's a bit colder, a little windy. The beauty and the peace are both interrupted by Gavin’s sudden outburst. With all the air in his lungs, he lets out a loud whoop. It echoes off the nothingness, ringing in Ryan’s ears. 

“What the  _fuck_  is wrong with you??” Ryan grabs onto the sleeve of Gavin’s suit jacket. “Are you trying to draw attention to us??”

“Who's gonna hear?” Gavin looks unfazed by the possibility of danger. 

“I dunno, Gav.” Ryan puts gives the sleeve he’s holding onto a tug. “Murderers, bears...sharks?”

“You can't be serious.”

“I was joking about the last two.” Ryan sighs. “But would you be quieter, please?”

“Only because you asked so nicely, Ry.” Gavin gives him a taunting smug grin. Crinkling his nose and all. 

“Thank you.” Ryan ignores Gavin’s smug face, letting the conversation lull to a pause before he begins again. “I had so much fun tonight, this was incredible.”

“I felt so alive! I felt like we were on top of the world.” He throws his hands up in the air. “I felt scared, ignited, and safe all at the same time. It was so bizarre, Ry!”

Ryan studies Gavin’s face, highlighted only by moonlight. His green eyes dusted with stars as he looks up at Ryan.

"Hey," Ryan bumps Gavin's arm with the back of his hand to get his attention, even though he already has it.

"Yeah?"

“I like colors now.” Ryan states proudly.

“What?” Gavin isn’t sure what made him bring colors up, or what he even means by the statement. “What do you mean, Ry?”

“My favorite color used to be grey, well...it’s not really a color.” Ryan shrugs. “But now I love blue and green the most.”

“Oh yeah, I remember we talked about our favorite colors in the barn when we were doing farm work together.” Gavin recalls. “Do you remember my favorite color?”

“You said you liked yellow because it was bright, and it reminded you of the sun.” Ryan nods. 

“You don’t forget anything, do you?”

“Not things about you.”

Gavin blushed at that, but went back to the topic. “Why, though?” He asks. “I mean, why do you like colors now?”

“I like green because every time I see the color, I think of your eyes.” Ryan rolls own his blue eyes. “Lame, I know.”

“I think it’s lovely.” Gavin smiles. “Any other colors?”

“Yeah,” Ryan nods. “I like blue because it reminds me of when we lay on the picnic tables and look at the sky.”

"That's great, Ryan." Gavin can't help but smile widely. “I’m happy that you like colors, and that they mean something to you.”

“I guess it’s great.” Ryan shrugs. "But...now..."

"Now what?" Gavin tilts his head to the side. 

Ryan picks up a hand and cups Gavin's cheek. Gavin rests his face against Ryan's palm. "As much as I love blue and green now, I have to say my favorite is grey again." Ryan speaks softly. "Everything is grey, because it's night time. The sky, the ocean, the light on your face. I've never seen grey look so beautiful before."

Gavin's holds his bottom lip between his teeth, shamelessly shifting his weight giddily from Ryan's comment. 

"Yeah?" Gavin asks, because it's all he can figure to say. 

"Yeah." Ryan nods. He takes a step closer to Gavin, and bringing his other hand to Gavin's face. "So beautiful."

"I..." Gavin brings his hands up to hold Ryan's wrists. He knows what's going to happen. 

His brain won't align his thoughts well enough...to let him know wether or not this is the right time, the right place. He wonders if Ryan is  _actually_  going to do it this time. 

Either way, Gavin closes his eyes. 

He hears Ryan's feet crunch on the sand, as he take two small steps to completely close the space between them. Ryan looks at Gavin's lips, realizing that he has no idea what he's doing. He feels himself catch a chill, either from the cold ocean breeze, or the energy from Gavin's body vibrating into his own. 

Hesitantly, he leans in and presses his lips to Gavin's, closing his eyes when he does so. Gavin releases the breath he's been holding through his nose. It comes out in a shuddering whisper and he lets his hands release Ryan's wrists. He instead wraps his arms around Ryan's waist, pulling him close enough that their bodies touched. 

Gavin parted his lips slightly, just enough to lock his lips with Ryan’s. He can taste the sweet of chocolate on Ryan, like Gavin had always imagined. Ryan feels himself quaking but he can’t tell where, or even why. Or maybe it’s Gavin. Either way, Ryan feels his mind go blank and he can only focus on Gavin, and the wet, warmth of his mouth. 

It felt almost as if...all the kisses on their faces, necks, foreheads...were practices for this moment in time.

Because of that, the Brit doesn’t want to overcomplicate the kiss. He wants Ryan to ease into this, like he had all of their other kisses, so he lets Ryan lead. 

The tawny haired male focuses on pressing his lips to Gavin’s rhythmically and Gavin returns the gentle pressure to Ryan’s mouth. Gavin wanted his mind to go blank, but he was seeing stars behind his eyelids and he kind of wanted to scream. This feeling, this unexplainable feeling is why...Gavin so badly wanted to be kissed by Ryan. And he was. He...he was finally kissing Ryan.

However, all too soon, Ryan pulled his lips away slowly.  The feeling was soft and ethereal on Gavin’s lips. It was like the ending part of the kiss was the beginning of something else. It was almost like Ryan was testing what Gavin would do if he separated their kiss. But, Gavin let the kiss be broken, just so he could look at Ryan. He wants to see what Ryan’s reaction to the kiss would be.

Ryan opens his eyes slowly when he moves away. He blue eyes search Gavin’s green ones. 

“Was it...did I do alright?” Ryan speaks first, Gavin is very relieved to hear Ryan’s voice. He isn’t sure why, it’s not like he didn’t think Ryan would talk afterwards. He was just kind of unsure as to what the other might say. But, suddenly it hits Gavin. 

“Ry,” Gavin mouthes. “That...that was your first kiss.”

“Yeah.” Ryan nods, his face is flushed a shy rouge. “My first kiss.”

“Did you like it?” Gavin asks, eager to hear his answer. 

“I feel like I’m going to vomit my heart out, is that good?” Ryan reaches forward and takes Gavin’s hand, pressing it to his chest to let Gavin feel the throbbing muscle freaking out inside of him. Gavin chuckles, feeling the flutter under his hand. 

“That’s a good thing, yeah.” Gavin nods, taking his hand away. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you so long...and now I’m kind of disappointed.”

“Oh...” Ryan’s glow fades out and he sighs. “Sorry.”

“No, no!” Gavin shakes his head. “It’s not you! It’s just...I want to have our first kiss again. You know how you dream of something for so long, and then you have it and you’re like...what do I even do now?”

“That’s how I felt about finding you.” Ryan nods. “I’d been looking for something different my entire life...then I found you and...at first, I was like ‘now what’ but now I know the answer.”

“What now, then Ry?”

“I’ve just been kind of sitting back, and watching things just get better and better.”

“You’re so unreal, sometimes.” Gavin smiles. “But, about our first kiss...”

“Yeah?”

“Should I just sit back and watch those get better too?

“I dunno about ‘sitting back and watching’, Gav. But...you can kiss me again,” Ryan shrugs. “If that’s what you want.”

“You’re so simple, not at all complex. Not hard to read.” Gavin comments, stepping closer to Ryan. “Open and honest.” 

“I’m extremely complex...just not when it comes to telling you how I feel.” Ryan smiles softly as Gavin leans in and their lips meet again. 

This time, Ryan does as Gavin did before, parts his lips. Gavin does the same. Ryan finds that this creates a small suction between their mouths, and if Ryan wants to press his lips to Gavin’s rhythmically like before, he has to open his mouth slightly. He can feel his breath mixing with Gavin’s and it makes his body shudder. 

It suddenly becomes a different experience for Ryan. The way his body reacts makes him pull away. Gavin leans his head to the side as he looks up at him. 

“Are you alright?” Gavin asks gently, running his hands on the side of Ryan’s suit jacket. 

“I...I’m sorry.” Ryan isn’t looking at his eyes. 

“Sorry?” Gavin chuckles softly. “For what?”

“I feel funny.” Ryan admits. Gavin frowns in confusion before looking down then back up at Ryan’s face. 

“Have you ever felt like this before?”

“Yeah, but...not from you.” Ryan takes a step away. But, at least now he’s smiling. “You drive me crazy, Gavin Free. It’s always something new with you.”

“Something  _different_ , Ryan.” Gavin corrects him. Ryan bites his lip before giving a loud laugh. 

“Something different, Gavin. You’re right.” Ryan watches Gavin jump up and down in place. 

“Ry, we have to play in the water!” Gavin points. “I just thought of how great it would be!”

“It’s freezing in there, Gav.” Ryan frowns. “It’s dark, if you go under, I won’t be able to see you.”

“What makes you just assume I’m gonna go under?” Gavin folds his arms. “I can bloody swim, Ryan.”

“I just...I don’t want anything to happen to you.” Ryan studies the blonde in front of him, then he sighs. “If you really want to play, we can play in the tide. But, fair warning: I’m gonna splash the fuck out of you.”

“Ryan, why do you have to be such a bully?” Gavin hops on one foot to get his shoes off. 

“Because you make me play in freezing water in the dark and make me worry about your ass.” 

Gavin turns around and shakes his bottom at Ryan. “My ass is fine, Ryan.”

“Yeah,” Ryan nods. “It kinda is.”

Gavin wasn’t expecting that and he blushes and turns back to face him. “We really need to get you splashed with some cold water, Ry.”

“Why?” Ryan raises a brow. “I’m too hot for you right now?”

“James Ryan Haywood.” Gavin scolds. “What have you become?”

“Dunno.” Ryan takes off his own shoes and socks and suit jacket. Like Gavin has done. “If you’re so bad, I dare you to splash me first.”

“You’re going down, Haywood.”

“Fucking bring it if you’re bad, Free!”

~*~

Somewhere between playing in the tide and attempting to build a sandcastle with sniffling noses, Gavin remembered one important thing that he looted from the dance. 

“Ry, I almost forgot about something!” Gavin stands up, leaving Ryan sitting in the moist sand, attending to their ‘mush castle’ as they’d been affectionately calling it. 

“What is it?”

“Stay here for a second, Ry!”

“Um, alright.” Ryan didn’t have much of a choice. He wasn’t going to go anywhere. Not without his Gav. 

Gavin ran up the beach to the parked car, digging around in the backseat where all of their looted goods were. He curses when he can’t find it at first. But, when he does, he squeaks excitedly. 

The Brit runs back down the beach to Ryan. In his hands, he is carrying a small bowl containing a fake candle in the middle.

“You stole a center piece?” Ryan asks, not seeing the significance of it yet. Gavin blushes at the word ‘stole’ and he shakes his head. 

“No, no, Ryan. We didn't steal anything tonight.” Gavin reminds him. “We simply looted. Like, we're pirates and this is our booty.” Ryan of course laughs at this. “Anyway, Ryan come here.” 

Gavin walks over to the tide, wading until his shins are mostly covered. 

“Gavin...” Ryan’s tone is a warning one, because he doesn’t want Gavin going too far in. 

“Would you just bloody come here?” Gavin asks. “I want to do this.”

“Do what?”

“You’ll see.” 

Ryan sighs and pleas the ocean not to swallow them whole...or whatever is  _in_  the ocean not to. He wades to where Gavin is. The Brit smiles when he approaches. The blonde leans over and kisses the tawny haired boy’s cheek. 

“Ready, Ry?” 

“I guess...” Ryan doesn’t know what’s going to happen, but he trusts him. 

Gavin turns the fake candle on and it flickers like a real candle would. He sets the bowl on the water’s surface, but he doesn’t let it go. 

“Grab on, Ry.” Gavin nudges him with his elbow. 

“Um, ok.” Ryan puts his right arm around Gavin so he can be close enough to hold onto the bowl with his other hand. 

“Tonight was the most amazing night of my life, and I can promise you that.” Gavin looks at Ryan in his eyes. “Every most amazing night of my life...I’ve had with you and I’m so happy.” 

Gavin wasn’t prepared for how emotional saying these things to Ryan makes him. Ryan feels the pressure in his chest. 

“The reason why I want to do this, is just...I dunno.” Gavin is embarrassed now. “I thought if we sent this little light off into the dark, it would be kind of like...special.”

“I think it’s a good idea.” Ryan looks the candle. “I kinda feel like we’re sending off a part of us.”

“It’s so damn cheesy.”

“I like it,” Ryan smiles. “Should I say something about you, too?”

“If you want.”

“I do,” Ryan nods. “Gavin, I think you’ve always been mine. Is that weird?” He pauses in thought. “Like, I was always meant to find you. That all the shitty parts of my life, happened so that when the time came for me to meet you...that I’d need you. Because, otherwise...we never would’ve met.” He turns to look at Gavin. “Does that make sense?”

“It makes all the sense in the world.” Gavin takes his free hand to wipe at the corners of his eyes. “Ready?”

“Yeah.” Ryan holds onto Gavin’s side tighter. 

They release the candle, letting it begin its journey across the ocean. The two of them stand in the tide, watching the glowing candle rock back and forward, slowly getting smaller. It’s not terribly windy and it doesn’t get too far. 

Ryan looks over at Gavin and realizes that he’s shivering again. “We’ve gotta get you warm.”

“I’m f-fine, Ry.” Gavin smiles. “I wanna stay here with you.”

“I think this,” Ryan motions to the drifting candle. “Was a fine way to end our time here.”

“Can we come back?” Gavin asks, taking Ryan’s hand. He looks over at the candle once again. 

“Yeah,” Ryan nods. “Whenever you’d like...preferably when it’s not dark as hell and cold.”

Gavin giggles and bumps his hips into Ryan’s. They let go of each other’s hands to pick up their suit jackets, shoes and socks. They dump all of it into the trunk because they’re too lazy to put anything back on. 

Barefoot and cold, they get back into the car. As soon as the car is on, Ryan turns the heat on and they both sigh when it gets warm. Gavin looks over at Ryan the whole car ride, this time, he isn’t pretending that he’s not. Ryan looks over at him, every once in a while. When they catch eyes, Ryan blushes and gives a small smile. When he looks away, his ears are still pink and he has his bottom lip between his teeth. 

_____________________________

Ryan had thought it to be much later than it actually was when he returned to the farmhouse with Gavin. Mimi and Paul were sitting at the kitchen table, when the boys came into the backdoor, arms full of looted snacks.

“Oh my goodness,” Mimi looks at all the items. “What’s all this about?” Mimi motioned to their full arms. 

“Um...” Ryan didn’t want to tell Mimi that they crashed the dance...kind of. Ryan also can’t talk too much, knowing Paul is there. Gavin knows this, so he speaks up for the two of them

“We’re going to have our own Halloween party!” He announces, setting his arm full of treats on the table. Ryan closes the backdoor with his foot and follows suit. 

~*~

Ryan doesn’t talk too much, and no one really expected him too. The atmosphere was comfortable and lighthearted. Even though Paul could’ve left as soon as the boys returned he stayed to hang out with them. 

Mimi and Paul had tears of laughter in their eyes as Gavin and Ryan argued about how the ‘Thriller’ dance went. Ryan didn’t say anything, but violently shook his head when Gavin did it wrong. 

They’d gotten to that point via Mimi’s ideas of charades. She had thought the game perfect for Ryan because he didn’t have to say anything to act out a scene. Gavin found it interesting how animated Ryan was. He finds it intriguing that Ryan has trouble talking in front of other people, but not doing silly dance moves, or faces in front of people. But, he liked how that was just the way Ryan’s brain worked. 

Gavin would much rather talk than look foolish. Though he does end up looking silly often times anyway. 

After the charades, Paul started telling scary stories. Gavin’s eyes were wide the entire time. Mimi tried her hand at a scary story next, but hers was too cute to be scary. She kept protesting that it was a true story. She folded her arms as all of the others were laughing at how cute her story was. Even Ryan had to cover his mouth to hide his smile a few times. 

Gavin tried to go next, but he ended up scaring himself and stopping halfway through. Ryan leaned his head on Gavin’s shoulder for a moment before remembering that Paul was there. Gavin missed the contact when Ryan moved away. 

When Mimi was ready for bed, and Paul was ready to go home, everyone cleaned up the mess and said their goodbyes and goodnights. 

Gavin was heading up the stairs when he realized that Ryan wasn’t behind him. 

“Ry?” Gavin called. 

“Be right there!” Ryan responds. “I’ll be up in a sec, lemme make sure Mimi is alright.”

Gavin said ‘ok’ and trotted up the stairs. When Ryan heard his bedroom door close, he went to Mimi’s room. He had...kind of lied to Gavin. He was going to see if Mimi was alright, but he wanted to talk to her. 

“Mimi?” Ryan poked his head into her room. 

“Hi, Ryan.” She smiled sleepily up at him. 

“I want to tell you something.” Ryan walks over and sits on her bed. 

“What is it?” Mimi studies his face, he has kind of a dopey smile on his face. “It’s about Gavin?”

“I...we...kissed.” Ryan announces and his smile gets broader and his face reddens a bit. Mimi chuckles knowingly at him. 

“How was it?”

“Mimi...he’s amazing.” Ryan shakes his head. “It didn’t even feel real, even thinking about it makes me feel light.”

“Light?”

“Floaty.” Ryan nods. 

“It’s so nice to see you so happy.” Mimi smiles fondly at him. 

“Is it weird that I’m telling you about this?” Ryan raises an eyebrow, realizing that most of teens might run and tell another friend or something, not their grandmother. 

“You can tell me anything you’d like.” Mimi informs him. “Especially if it’s something that makes you happy. 

“Are you sure?”

“I’m very sure.” Mimi nods. Ryan gives her another smile. 

“I’ll let you sleep now.” Ryan stands up. 

“Do you know yet?”

“Huh?” Ryan leans his head to the side. 

“Do you know how you love him yet?” Mimi asks. “I remember you couldn’t tell how you loved him before...are you sure now?”

“I...” Ryan knew how he felt now, but he hadn’t actually thought about the realization. He stands there, head tilted for a moment before standing completely upright and nodding. “I’m...so fucking in love with him.” 

Mimi’s eyes widen and her mouth falls open. Ryan’s eyes widen as well, he hadn’t expected that to come out of his mouth. 

“Oh my god, Mimi I’m so sorry.” Ryan reaches a hand up to cover his mouth. Mimi blinks a few times before she began howling with laughter. Ryan keeps his hand over mouth, but he’s laughing now as well. 

“Well...” Mimi clears her throat. “Good to know, then.” She begins laughing again. 

“I’m sorry, Mimi.”

“Don’t be sorry,” Mimi is still chuckling. “Maybe you should go tell Gavin how you feel.”

“I...I might.”

“Why wouldn’t you?” Mimi wipes tears of laughter from her eyes. “Apparently you feel strongly about it.”

“I’m kind of scared.” Ryan admits. 

“He loves you too, I can tell.” Mimi wipes her eyes again. “Don’t worry.”

“I know he does.” Ryan sounds cocky and Mimi raises an eyebrow. “I mean, he’s told me.”

“Well,” Mimi shrugs. “It’s fine to be scared about telling him that. Take your time then.” 

“It’s really ok to be scared about this?” Ryan asks. “I feel like...I shouldn’t be. I feel like I have nothing to fear, but I’m scared anyway.”

“You can’t control what you feel, and fear is something that has a mind of it’s own sometimes.” Mimi says. “When you’re ready to tell him, you will.”

“Mimi,” Ryan puts his hands in the pocket of slacks. “You’re really smart.”

“You are too, Ryan.” Mimi pulls the blanket up closer to her chin. “Goodnight.”

“See you in the morning, Mimi.” Ryan turns out the light and closes her door to just a crack and heads upstairs after Gavin. 

 

_____________________________

Gavin turned his head when the bedroom door opened. He smiles at Ryan. 

“What were you and Mimi laughing about?” Gavin asks. 

“Oh, you heard?”

“Impossible not to.” Gavin is sitting on Ryan’s bed, looking at the photos Paul had taken before the two boys left for the dance. Ryan walks over to sit next to Gavin and look at them too. 

“We need more photos of us.” Ryan comments, happy with the ones they have, but also really itching for some new ones. 

“I’d completely forgotten about polaroid cameras.” Gavin says. “It’s like technology went backwards. Sure, the digital cameras let you see the photos, but it feels far more advanced to be able to print them on the spot, ya know?”

“Yeah.” Ryan nods. “You want to keep the photos?”

“Huh?”

“I dunno, I keep a lot of our memorabilia, usually.” Ryan shrugs. “Don’t you want some?”

“Let’s each keep some of these photos.” Gavin compromises. “There’s two with masks on, two with masks on. So, let’s split them.”

“Alright.” Ryan is happy with this, he lets Gavin chose which of the photos he wants and Ryan hangs the ones he’s got up on the cork board. 

“So, tell me.” Gavin looks up at Ryan. 

“Huh?” Ryan asks as he sits back down.

“What were you and Mimi laughing about?”

“Oh, I’d cursed.” Ryan blushes.

“Why?”

“I was telling her that we’d kissed.” Ryan avoids telling what specifically made him curse though. Gavin covers his face and blushes.

“You told Mimi??” 

“Was I not supposed to?”

“She’ll look at us during breakfast tomorrow like we’re animals, Ry!”

“It’s just a kiss, Gav.” Ryan rolls his eyes. “She knew it was bound to happen, it’s not like we had-”

“Don’t you say it, Ryan!”

“Why are you so upset that I told Mimi that we kissed?”

“I’m not upset, but...I wanted Mimi to think I was innocent.”

“Ha, ok.” Ryan rolls his eyes. “You’re not though.”

“But I don’t want her to know that!”

“You need to chill out.” Ryan rolls his eyes playfully. “Also, we need to shower. We smell like ocean.”

“We’re going to work on the farm tomorrow though, we’ll be all dirty then. We should wait til tomorrow after the farm work to shower.”

“We’re not sleeping in my bed all marine coated.”

“Ryan, I don’t feel like it.”

“I don’t care.”

“I’ll go sleep on the couch.”

“Good.”

“Fine.” Gavin moves to get up and Ryan wraps his arms around the Brit’s waist. “Ugh, Ry!”

“Don’t go!”

“But you said-”

“I’d never want you to leave.” Ryan says. “Even if you’re covered in sea yuck.”

“Sea yuck?” Gavin isn’t going to say what that sounds like. “I’ll shower in a little while.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Gavin nods. “I had so much fun today, it’s insane.”

“Me too.” Ryan smiles. 

Both of them jump when Gavin’s phone starts ringing. Gavin assumes it’s his father, but instead he sees that it’s Michael. 

“Should I even answer it?” Gavin chuckles, Ryan nods. 

“No, you’re mine right now.” Ryan shakes his head. “Besides, Michael says all he wants to do is drunkenly whine at you.”

“True.” Gavin doesn’t push ignore, he just lets it ring. 

_____________________________

“Good morning!” Ryan chirps. “Get up, get up!”

Gavin groans as Ryan tries to tug the blanket off of him. There is sun against his eyelids and he swears he hasn’t seen Ryan this peppy in the morning before. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be disoriented or something?” Gavin grumbles, rolling onto his stomach, away from the sun and Ryan’s noise. 

“I’ve been up for two hours.” Ryan informs him. “I let you sleep in again.”

“Hm,” Gavin acknowledges Ryan’s words. “Thanks.”

“Yeah, so...up?” Ryan gets on top of him, laying his front flush to Gavin’s back. 

“Ryaaaan...” Gavin whines under Ryan's weight. “Off.”

“Only when you say you’re getting up, or when my fat ass breaks your spine. Either way.”

“I’ll get up when you get off.”

“Are you lying to me?”

“No.” 

“Hm, alright.” Ryan rolls onto the other side of the bed, Gavin curls into a ball, laying on his side so he can look at Ryan. “Rolling over doesn’t count as getting up...”

“I just wanted to look at you.” Gavin says. 

“You can look at me while you get ready, we have work to do.” 

“Oh, right!” Gavin smiles and sits up, his hair sleep disheveled. “Let’s go see the baby pigs.”

“Are you going to be scared again?”

“Um...” Gavin blushes. “I wasn’t scared last time.”

“You would barely let me put you down.” Ryan reminds him. 

“Shut up, Ry.” Gavin sees that Ryan is all cleaned up and dressed for the day. Face washed, belly fed, teeth brushed. He’s a bit embarrassed to still be gross from sleep. Ryan doesn’t seem to mind or notice. 

“Get up so you can eat breakfast and get to work, Gavvy.” Ryan leans forward and kisses the tip of Gavin’s nose. He crawls over the Brit and fishes the pair of jeans Gavin had worn from Friday night and throws them to the blonde. He wouldn’t want Gavin to ruin a pair of jeans he’d brought to wear out today. He throws a T-shirt from the floor at him as well. The shirt Ryan threw turned out to be his own, but he doesn’t care. 

“Up, up, up!” Ryan shouts. 

“Ryan, why are you so bloody loud today?” Gavin grimaces. 

“Because, I want to get the farm work done.”

“And then what?”

“I don’t know actually...” Ryan shrugs. “I’m just really ready to start my day with you.”

“Fine, fine.”

_____________________________

Gavin and Ryan enter the house, dirty from working in the fields. But, the jobs are all done and Gavin swears he can feel himself becoming more buff from the work. Ryan shakes his head like he doesn’t believe him, but Gavin doesn’t notice. 

“Should...I take you home now?” Ryan raises the hem of his t-shirt to wipe his face. 

“No,” Gavin pulls Ryan from the kitchen, into the living room. 

“What are you doing?” Ryan stumbles after him. When they get to the other room, Gavin pushes Ryan against the wall. Hard enough for the ‘thump’ to be heard, but it doesn’t hurt him. His eyes are wild though when he looks up at Gavin. 

“Last time we worked on the farm...you smelled just like this.” Gavin whispers. 

“Yeah...” Ryan raises a brow. “You mean sweaty?”

“That, and like wood and leather...grass, dirt.”

“You like that?”

“Oddly enough.” Gavin admits. They look at each other in close proximity. 

“Ryan?” Mimi calls from her bedroom. “Is everything alright? I heard a noise!”

“It’s alright Mimi, I just...uh.” Ryan keeps his eye contact with Gavin. “I just tripped.”

“Are you alright?” Mimi asks. 

“Yeah, great.” Ryan nods. “I’m fine, about to take Gavin home.”

“Oh, well make sure he comes and says goodbye to me first.” Mimi responds. Ryan smirks, knowing that Gavin won’t have time to attack him with kisses now because Mimi has requested he comes to see her. Gavin tries anyway but Ryan turns away. 

“Go see Mimi, asshole.” Ryan taunts. 

“Why won’t you kiss me?” Gavin tries again and Ryan slinks away. “No fair. It’s not like you don’t want to.”

“I like denying you, you’re cute when you’re disappointed.”

_____________________________

Even though Gavin said that Ryan didn’t have to, the tawny haired boy drove him home. After they had showered and Gavin had packed up his things, including the koala mask. Gavin said he intended to hang it up in his room. Ryan commented about how strange it would be to look up and see a Koala staring at him everyday. Gavin said he didn’t mind because it would remind him of that night. 

When they arrived at Gavin’s house, the Brit saw that his father’s car was gone, which meant, most likely that his father was gone. 

“Ry,” Gavin’s voice was hesitant. 

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for everything...this was all truly unforgettable.” He reached over and ran his fingertips over Ryan’s stubbled jaw. 

“Thank you too, Gav.” Ryan smiled. “You already know why.”

“Tell me why anyway, Ryan.” Gavin shrugged. 

“Nah,” Ryan hits the unlock button and the locks click open. “I’ll see you at school tomorrow.”

“Ugh,” Gavin rolled his eyes. “Fiiiine, I guess.”

“Kiss me.” 

Gavin’s eyes flicker up to Ryan, eyebrow risen. Ryan’s gaze didn’t falter. 

“Well?”

“You denied me earlier, why should I listen to you, now?”

“Because, I want you now.”

“You didn’t before?” Gavin teased. 

“You were just really cute and I liked seeing you pout,” Ryan admits. “But, now...kiss me.”

“You kiss me first.” Gavin folds his arms. 

“You’re such a baby.”

“Am I, though?” Gavin leans across his seat to Ryan, bringing their lips together softly. The contact doesn’t last long. Ryan has time to kiss back, before Gavin pulls away. 

“That’s it?” Ryan asks. 

“Hm, yeah. That’s it.” Gavin pats Ryan’s face before picked up his backpack and getting out of the car. “Bye, Ry!”

“Bye, asshole.” Ryan chuckles contently. “I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you, too.” 

 

_____________________________

Ryan and Gavin are hanging outside of the school building like they normally do in the morning. This time however, Gavin has his head leaning on Ryan’s shoulder as they stand. They’re talking aimlessly and lazily when Barbara approaches them. 

“You guys!” She squeaks as she runs up to them. “Look at this!”

“What is it?” Gavin picks up his head from Ryan’s shoulder. 

“The ‘Monster Bash Ghost Bandits’ made the front page of the school paper!” Barbara informs the two of them, watching as Gavin and Ryan read the short article. It seems that the school isn’t upset about the tiny prank, and they’re having fun spreading the news. 

“Our school has a newspaper?” Ryan asks aloud. Barbara is taken aback by hearing his voice, but she nods. 

“Yeah, it’s been a thing for years.” Barbara says. “The only thing is, they’re short on staff because no one really cares...as much.”

“Why not?” Gavin looks up from the newspaper. 

“Well, it’s kind of ‘old fashioned’ or whatever you want to call it.” Barbara shrugs. “They have the printed version that floats around the school, but most of it ends up in the recycling bins.”

“That sucks.” Gavin frowns. 

“But, they just started an online blog version of it last year, and it’s been pretty popular I’d say. I’m subscribed to their blog and I really enjoy it.” The blonde girl pulls out her phone and opens up the web browser, taking them to the school’s blog. Ryan and Gavin look through it briefly. 

“Is the school newspaper like a club?” Gavin asks, he and Ryan following Barbara into the school as she reenters it. 

“Yeah, they meet weekly.” Barbara holds the door open for them. “But usually, the news paper kids hang out in the ‘news lounge’ nearly everyday after school.”

“They have their own bloody lounge? Where the hell is it?” Gavin raises an eyebrow. 

“You have to go in through the main office.” Barbara points as they pass it. Ryan picks up an additional newspaper from the stack. He wants to clip the article and put it up on his cork board. “Their lounge is just a couch, a few computers and a printer.”

“Hm,” Gavin hums as they continue walking through the halls. Barbara stops and turns to them. 

“It’s Monday, right?” Barbara looks a bit worried.

 “Yup.” Gavin replies. 

“Fuck, I told Michael I’d meet him in the library so he could copy my notes.” Barbara sighs and begins walking down a different hall. “I’ll see you two later!”

“Bye!” Gavin waves to Barbara before turning back to look at Ryan. The tawny haired boy still has his face in the newspaper. He’s gone beyond the front page and is now scoping out the other articles. “Interesting?” Gavin nudges Ryan’s arm. 

“Gav, this is so cool! I can’t believe these are student articles!” Ryan beams. “They’re so well written!”

“Yeah?” Gavin comes over to Ryan’s side and peers over his shoulder again, even though he has his own copy in his hands. “I’m glad you like it, Ry.”

“It’s so cool.”

“Maybe you could start reading every week, then?” Gavin suggests. 

“I...kinda wanna try.”

“Try reading it more?”

“No, I mean...would it be ok if I joined the newspaper?” Ryan looked down at the paper in his hands. “I mean...I love writing.”

“That’s a cool idea!” Gavin smiles. “You’d made new friends, too, I bet!”

“I don’t want to make new friends...I’m having trouble with the ones I’ve already gotten.”

“No you aren’t, Ryan.” Gavin folds his arms and frowns at him. “You’re doing great with us.”

“You don’t count, you’re...different.” Ryan reminds him. 

“As you’ve told me.” Gavin’s face softens. “I thought you were gonna say ‘kind of my boyfriend’, haha. That’s kind of silly, right?”

“Um, no.” Ryan folds the newspaper back up. “You are kind of my boyfriend.” He can’t help but blush after saying it. Gavin bites onto his bottom lip. “I mean...if you’re alright with that, Gav.”

“Ask me to be your boyfriend, and I will tell you if I’m alright with it.”

“Gavin Free, will you be my boyfriend?” Ryan asks in a shy voice. 

“I will gladly be your boyfriend, Ryan.” Gavin grins, face pink. “It’s all I’ve wanted.”

“Good.” Ryan smiles too. “So...”  

“So?” Gavin shifts his weight.

“If I join the newspaper, will you join a sport?” Ryan asks. Gavin wants to groan and fall face first onto the floor. Sometimes baby steps with Ryan are smaller than normal baby steps. 

Gavin keeps his composure and clears his throat. “What?”

“Did you...not hear what I said?” Ryan leans his head to the side. 

“You want me to join a sport?” Gavin raises a brow. 

“No, I’m asking if  _you_  want to.” Ryan shrugs. “I think it’d make you happy, you used to do sports. You were good at it.”

“Ry,” Gavin rose his shoulders. “I don’t know. To be honest...”

“Oh?”

“I was hoping that,” Gavin lowers his shoulders. “Since I’ll be ungrounded starting next month, we’d spend more time together. Being in clubs will keep us apart more.”

“It’ll be like once or so a week though.” Ryan’s brow furrows. 

“Holy fuck,” Gavin wipes his hands over his face. “Ry, we just made so much progress. Why do we have to do this  _now_?”

“I’m just suggesting that you might like to do a sports thing,” Ryan  frowns. “I’m not forcing you into something.”

“I know but-”

“And the newspaper club is something I’m genuinely interested in.” Ryan states. “I’d like you to be supportive of it. And from the sounds of it, it’s just going to be a handful of students, sitting on a couch in a lounge for an hour or so.” Ryan folds his arms. “You could sit with me for the time that I’m in the club...for an  _hour_  and then we can leave and spend more time together.”

Gavin takes a deep breath, lets it out through his nose. “You’re right, Ry. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, it’s ok.” Ryan nods. “I just...I don’t want you to think that I dislike spending time with you or something.”

“I know you do.”

“Then don’t be upset.” Ryan flashes a small dimpled smile at Gavin. 

“Also...I’m disappointed about something else.” Gavin admits. 

“Oh man,” Ryan runs a hand over his head. “What now?”

“Well, you just agreed that we’re boyfriends...”

“Yeah?”

“And I was hoping for a kiss.” Gavin blushes, fidgeting with his newspaper. 

“Oh, I’m sorry!” Ryan’s face reddens with embarrassment. “I didn’t know I was supposed to...” He looks down. “I’m new to this whole kissing thing.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Gavin takes a step forward. 

“Also, I didn’t know if you’d mind kissing in the hallways or...anything like that.” Ryan chuckled. “I always thought the students kissing in the halls were gross.”

“Well, we’re early. No one is really here.” Gavin looks around them. “So, be gross with me, Ry.”

Ryan flashed a wide smile before taking his hand gently to the back of Gavin’s head, his fingers in the feathery golden hairs. They close their eyes as their mouths come together, Gavin hums involuntarily. Ryan is stunned momentarily when he can  _feel_  it. It reminds him just how connecting a kiss could be. Gavin’s sounds had vibrated on his lips like he was the one making them. It was magical. 

This kiss wasn’t as faint inducing as the one on Saturday. Though, Ryan doubted if could ever forget this one either. Their kisses so far were simple. Gavin liked this, it was like he was learning all over again. And he was, he was learning how to kiss Ryan. Which was like nothing he’d experienced before. Gavin’s hands went to Ryan’s shoulders as the kiss was broken. 

The Brit was breathing unevenly as he looked up at Ryan.

“I can’t believe that...I’m kissing you.” Gavin closes his eyes for a moment. 

“You’re not right now.” Ryan teases and leans down to bring their lips together again, two small pecks to Gavin’s soft lips. When they separate this time, they move away from each other because there are people approaching. Students begin flowing through the halls. 

Gavin feels someone bop him gently on the head. He looks over his shoulder to see Michael playfully sticking his tongue out at Gavin as he walks with Barbara. Gavin flashes Michael his middle finger, which Michael tauntingly returns. Ryan watches the exchange, then Gavin turns back to him. 

“I gotta go to class.” Gavin sighs, but then smiles at Ryan. “See you after class?”

“Yes.” Ryan nods, he leans forward and brushes his forehead against Gavin’s before walking down the hallway, disappearing into the sea of students. 

~*~

When it is time for lunch, Ryan doesn’t go straight to the cafeteria. He goes to Mr. Sorola’s classroom, because he’s his advisor. Ryan wants to talk to him about something...but he isn’t sure how he’s going to talk about it. He’s been better with talking to other people. But, it was still so hard. It was becoming less frustrating because Ryan was learning how to conquer himself. His inability to talk at times was starting to feel less like an internal thing. It didn’t feel like something was inside him struggling anymore. It felt like his inability to talk, his fears, his misunderstandings...were all one separate being. Sometimes he felt like he could see all of those things looking in his face. He could reach out and touch those things if he wanted to. 

As he came to Gus’s classroom, he took a deep breath. It reminded him of the feeling he got when he had to enter Mimi’s room the day she came home after her doctor’s appointment. Where he was afraid of what might be beyond the door. But, Ryan knew that Gus wasn’t dangerous, and he knew he could do this if he really tried. 

With mustered courage, he knocked on the door. 

Gus’s response was muffled because his mouth was full. “Come in!”

Ryan opened the door, stepping inside. Gus looked up from his sandwich to see the student. He smiled a friendly smile at Ryan. He hadn’t spent a lot of time talking to Ryan, usually the student only listened to what Gus had to say, and then left. The teacher understood that Ryan had a hard time communicating. But, he hoped that, because this time Ryan came to him, maybe they would finally be able to have a conversation. 

Ryan approached Gus’s steps with cautious strides. 

“Hello, James.” Gus pointed to the front row of desks. “Pull up a chair.” 

Hearing his first name made Ryan flinch, but he tried to ignore it as he brought a chair to Gus’s desk. 

“What brings you in, today?” Gus raises a curious eyebrow. He still hasn’t put his sandwich down. 

Ryan looked down at his hands for a moment but made eye contact with Gus. 

“I...want to...” Ryan was struggling and he cursed at himself. To try and compensate for his broken speech, he pulled the school newspaper from his backpack and laid it in front of Gus. The man looked at it before raising his eyes back to Ryan. 

“You want...to capture the Monster Bash Bandits?”

Ryan rolled his eyes. 

“This,” Ryan motioned to the newspaper. “I want to...do this.”

“You want to, uh...” Gus tried to understand. “You want to do the newspaper...like join the newspaper staff? Or do you actually want to  _do_  the newspaper...because that sounds like you’ll end up with a hell of a paper cut.”

Ryan snorts and turns his head away, covering his mouth so Gus wouldn’t see his smile. When he was composed, he turns back to his advisor. 

“The first one.” Ryan tells Gus, who nods approvingly. 

“Burnie and I are good friends.” Gus begins. “We’ve been friends for years, and I haven’t heard him talk about a talented student...the way he talks about you, in a long time.”

“Really?” Ryan can’t help but ask. 

“Yeah,” Gus nods, taking another bite of his sandwich. “The staff would be glad to have you.”

Ryan  fidgets a bit, he’s still not used to being complimented. “H-how...do...”

Gus waited for Ryan to speak, he knew what the student wanted to ask, but he didn’t want to finish the sentence for him. He wanted Ryan to do this. The boy brought his hands to either side of his temple. He felt like he had to push the words out, like he was straining to. 

Gus could see Ryan’s face turning red. “James, it’s ok. Take your time.”

Ryan took another deep breath and began to return to his natural complexion. He looked up at Gus, who was nodding supportively at him. 

“How do I...join the paper?”

“You know Burnie,” Gus says. “He’s the club’s guider, but not really. This club is completely student ran. If you want to join, you don’t go through him. You have to go to the news room, which is room 5B in the main office.”

“I just have to say that,” Ryan paused, his words got stuck for a moment. “That I’m interested, and I can join?”

“Well, the club’s leader is...a bit eccentric. So it depends on what he wants you to do. If it’s too strange, tell Burnie and he’ll just let you join. But, go talk to him first.”

“How will I know which one the leader is?”

“Trust me, you’ll know.” Gus rolls his eyes. “The kid is also in he theater club, and he’s a bit...loud? Is that the right word for it? Whatever. You’ll know him.”

Ryan took in the information, he nodded and got up. 

“Th-thank you.” Ryan wants to try and shake Gus’s hand, but his body freezes when his brain tells his arm to move forward. Ryan grimaces at his inability to be...normal. Instead he waves at Gus and leaves the room. 

Since it’s still lunch time, Ryan makes his way towards the cafeteria. He checks his phone of the way there, he’d felt it vibrating when he was talking to Gus. He has two new text messages. Both from ‘Gavin :)’. 

 

> **Gavin** : Ry, where are ya? Silly <3
> 
> **Gavin** : Are you...not coming to lunch? Or?

Ryan bit his lip to fight back a small smile. He did blush though. He was doing this, because it felt so good to have, especially someone like Gavin, care for him. Worry about him. Especially when he was fine. Ryan texted back, even though he was almost to the cafeteria. 

 

> **Ryan** : Hey
> 
> **Gavin** : Where are you, Ry?
> 
> **Ryan** : Will you be my boyfriend?
> 
> **Gavin** : ...I am :)
> 
> **Ryan** : Will you, though?
> 
> **Gavin** : You already asked, Ry
> 
> **Ryan** : Yes or no, though. I want it in writing incase you try to get out of your boyfriend contract.
> 
> **Gavin** : Boyfriend contract? Lmfao...ok? But, of course, Ryan. A million times yes!
> 
> **Ryan** : I’ll be your boyfriend, too :)
> 
> **Gavin** : Where the hell are you?
> 
> **Ryan** : Almost to the cafeteria. Sitting at my table?
> 
> **Gavin** : Yup, we’re all here and waiting for you
> 
> **Ryan** : Ok, see you there

 

When Ryan entered the cafeteria, he saw Gavin covering his face with his hands, and all of the others were making some sort of fuss over him. The corners of Ryan’s lips twitched, he wanted to laugh at the scene. He also wanted to go over there and save Gavin from whatever embarrassment he seemed to be undergoing. 

After he got his food and joined the table, Ryan was suddenly pelted with grapes.  Everyone at the table was throwing their grapes at him. He shielded his eyes with his forearm. 

“Congratulations!” The table cheered. 

“What the hell?” Ryan said out of surprise, to no one in particular. 

“Well, Gavin started squeaking over there, while looking at his phone...” Griffon began. “So...I peeked and I saw the cutest message so I told everyone else and then, yeah! Congrats!”

“On what?” Ryan didn’t get it at first, but then it clicked. They’d seen Ryan asking Gavin to be his boyfriend. Ryan rolled his eyes, biting his lip to fend off yet another smile. 

“It’s so great,” Ray pointed at Ryan. “You better take care of our Gav.”

“Yeah, we’ve raised him well so far.” Jack looked down the table at Gavin. The Brit stuck his tongue out at Jack in return. Ryan didn’t know what to think of all the attention he was getting. He wanted to talk, and to laugh with the rest of them. But, it felt like he didn’t know how to join in. It also felt like, even if he did know how, his body...his brain, would betray him. 

“Cute as dicks.” Geoff commented from behind his chocolate milk. “But hey, Ryan. Speaking of phones, can I have your number?”

Ryan looked at Geoff, and nodded. 

“Thanks, because we need to start talking about you helping me with my project. Texting would be easiest I assume.”  Geoff took out his phone and pushed it over to Ryan, so he could put his information in it. He handed it back to Geoff. “Thank you, Ryan. It means a lot.”

“Speaking of your project, how’d your first interview go the other day? I forgot to ask.” Michael says. 

“Oh, it was great, dude!” Geoff beams. “The guy was real into what he was talking about. He talked about his little brother, and eh got real emotional. Great, honest, footage.”

“I’m so proud!” Griffon coos from across the table. 

Ryan notices that Griffon and Geoff never sit next to each other. Not even straight across from each other. The sitting order on the table goes: Geoff, Michael, Barbara, Ray, on one side. Ryan, Gavin, Griffon, Jack, on the other. Ryan knew that Griffon liked to draw designs on Jack’s arms during lunch. Maybe that’s why she sat next to him. 

Ryan kind of liked the symbolic aspect, but maybe he was just kind of over thinking it. But, Ryan thought that most couples really like to make it know, that the other person is theirs. They sit next to the other, constantly touching them. Their face, their hair, their neck. All whilst looking at their friends, making sure that they saw the gestures. They walk through the halls holding hands and talking loudly. They show so much PDA, as if their relationship didn’t count unless everyone knew it. 

But Geoff and Griffon weren’t like that. They didn’t have to be all over each other. They were confident enough in the validity of their relationship that they could be apart and still have the ability to acknowledge that they are each other’s other half. Ryan liked this. 

“Halloween is in three days.” Michael announces. “What are we doing?”

“Spooky movies at Barbs?” Ray suggests. 

“No way,” Geoff frowns. “You guys already did your scary movie shit on Friday.”

“Well...are there any Halloween parties going on?” Barbara asks. 

“Yeah,” Griffon nods.

Ryan spaced out. He’d begun thinking about his and Gavin’s own plans to go trick or treating. He wondered if Gavin had forgotten or not. He took a mental note to bring it up to him after school sometime. For now, he ate his lunch silently, listening to his friends debate what they wanted to do. 

_____________________________

After school, Gavin waited for Ryan and the others outside of the front doors of the school. Barbara and Michael had already said their goodbyes, they were going to do their own thing. Ray, Jack, Griffon and Geoff hadn’t come out yet. 

When Ryan did come out of the building, Gavin smiled happily. 

“Hi, Ry!” Gavin grinned. Ryan didn’t smile back, he looked distracted in thought, maybe upset. Gavin couldn’t exactly tell, his smile faded. “Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m nervous.” Ryan replied honestly. 

“About what?”

“Well,” Ryan begins. “Gus said that, if I want to join the newspaper...I have to go and talk to the head of the news staff, which is a student. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to talk to them.”

“Oh...” Gavin frowned. 

“If I can’t talk to them, I probably won’t get a spot on the paper.”

“I’ll go with you.” Gavin offers. 

“I can’t use you for a crutch all the time.” Ryan shakes his head. “That won’t help me in the future, when I have to get a job on my own or something.”

“Ryan, when people have broken legs, they use a crutch until they’re better.” Gavin informs him. “I’m not saying you can’t walk on your own. I won’t even say anything if you don’t want me to. But, I’ll go with you.”

“But...” Ryan wanted to protest, but he felt so grateful to have Gavin. 

“I won’t say a word if you don’t want me to.” Gavin takes his hand. “I just want to support you. You can’t stop me from doing that.” Gavin shakes his head. “That’s not using me as a crutch. That’s having me as a supporter. Everyone needs that.”

Ryan presses his lips in a thin line, but nods at Gavin. “Alright, thank you.”

“Always, Ry.” Gavin replies, looking over the older boy’s shoulder as the others approach. 

“Hey,” Geoff greets them. “What are you love birds up to?”

“Ryan wants to join the news staff.” Gavin announces. “He’s about to go ask to join them now.”

“Dude, write a story about me.” Ray raises his hands up in the air. “Do a story on my gamer score!” Ray was completely joking, but Ryan actually liked the idea. He’d save it for later. 

Everyone else laughs at Ray’s comment. 

“I think Barbara is friends with someone on the news staff.” Griffon recalls. “A dark haired girl named Arryn.”

“Arryn?” Ryan leans his head to the side. He’d met her the other day in the halls.

“Yeah, you know her?” Griffon asks, Ryan nods. “Awesome, I’m sure she’d love to have you on the team!”

“Everyone on the news staff is super friendly.” Jack tells Ryan. “I recruited them to be on the yearbook staff last year. They really know how to put together printed media.”

“Yeah,” Griffon nods. “Well, good luck!”

“Yeah.” The others chorus. The corners of Ryan’s mouth twitch. 

“Thanks.” He musters. Everyone smiles at this, before heading down the front steps of the school. When they disappeared, going in the direction of Main Street, Gavin looked up at Ryan. 

“Ready to go in?” The blonde asks. Ryan nods. 

“Yeah.”

~*~

“Ok, ok.” Blaine held up his hands in surrender. “That one was my fault, I didn’t check my sources. I didn’t think anyone would notice!”

“We’re not trying to bullshit our readers, dude.” Arryn looks up from the couch, laptop on her lap. “Try harder next time.”

“I know, sorry.” Blaine sighs, standing at the printer, waiting for his document to print. J.J, Miles and Kerry were all huddled around one of the computers, watching J.J scroll through the comment section of their latest news blog post. 

“Great feedback so far, we did good, boys.” J.J stands up from his chair, patting Kerry and Miles on the head. Everyone stops what they’re doing when they hear a knock on the door. They exchange glances. Blaine was closest to the door so he opened it. 

Blaine looked expectantly at the two boys standing before him. 

“What’s up?” Blaine asks. Gavin nudges, Ryan encouragingly. When Ryan remains silent, Blaine raises an eyebrow. 

“Hi, I’m Gavin.” The Brit introduces himself. “This is Ryan, and he wants to join the paper.”

“Oh, you do?” Blaine looks at Ryan, he nods. “Fucking sweet! I’m Blaine.” Blaine reaches a strong hand forward and shakes Ryan’s hand firmly. The touch burns hard, especially because Blaine’s grip is so tight. When he finally lets go, he shows Ryan and Gavin inside the lounge. 

Like Barbara said, the lounge is simple. Still, Ryan feels automatically comfortable in here. Maybe it’s because the room just smells like ink and paper. Or maybe it’s because everyone looks really casual here. 

“Everyone,” Blaine motions to the two who’ve just come in. “This is Ryan, this is Gavin.”

There is a hum of general greetings to the two of them. 

“Ryan wants to join the paper.” Blaine announces, before going back to the printer to get his documents. And with that, he was no longer in tune with the rest of the people in the room. He was completely absorbed by the documents he was reading. 

“You wanna join?” J.J came forward. “Nice to meet you, I’m Jose Jones. Call me J.J.” He shakes Ryan’s hand. His touch doesn’t burn as much but Ryan still wants to grimace at it, but he doesn’t. “I’m in the theater club, on the year book, and I’m happy to have you aboard.”

“Thanks...” Ryan manages to say something. J.J goes around, pointing to each person in the room, telling Ryan’s their names. 

“What made you want to join the news staff?” J.J folds his arms casually, raises an eyebrow. 

“I...” Ryan knew he had to say  _something_. “I’ve always...” Ryan scratches his head. “I’ve always love to write.” He says. J.J nods. 

“You shy?” J.J asks. Ryan isn’t sure what to say. He’s not sure if he’s shy, or if it’s just the way his brain works that makes him like this. “It’s cool, I get that. I used to be.”

“Ok.” Ryan nods. 

“We’ll break you in, in no time.” J.J looks over his shoulder at the others. “Won’t we?”

General agreeing responses were said before J.J turns back to Ryan. 

“I guess I’m the one ‘in charge’ around here.” J.J rolls his eyes. “Whatever that means. But, since I am. I have to give you a task to see if you’re worthy of joining our crew.”

“I think he’s worthy already.” Arryn responds. “The other day...I needed help. Ryan didn’t say much, but he quickly got the job done.”

“Really?” Miles looks surprised. “What happened? Are you ok?”

“It’s a long story, but yeah. I’m fine.” Arryn nodded and then looked back over at Ryan. 

“Well, that’s fine and dandy.” J.J nodded. “But I think Ryan should do something, a bit more traditional. Like all of you did to get onto the paper.”

“Oh, oh!” Kerry raises his hand. J.J doesn’t even have to look at the younger male to know he’s bouncing on his feet, trying to get attention. 

“Yes, Kerry?” J.J says dryly. 

“To get on the paper, Ryan should do a gag article.” Kerry suggests. “Like do an article on something super silly about the school, and try to make it convincing.”

“What?” Miles knits his eyebrows together. 

“Like, I dunno.” Kerry shrugs. “If it’s convincing enough, even though it’d just be a joke, then Ryan gets in.”

“Hm...that’s actually not terrible.” J.J looks back at Ryan. “Alright then, Ryan. Gag article. I want it by Friday. A thousand words, it’s not that much. It’s like two decent sized paragraphs. Send it to my email, it’s on the back of today’s paper, if you’ve seen it.”

“I’ll do it.” Ryan speaks up. “Thank you.”

“My pleasure.” J.J pats Ryan’s shoulder before going back to the computer he was originally sitting at. The rest of the students in the room go back to what they were doing. Gavin looks at Ryan, before pulling him by the arm and leading him through the main office, into the hall.

“Well?” Gavin asks. “What do you think?”

“That was weird.” Ryan responds.

“But do you still want to join? Are you going to write the gag article?” 

“I guess.” Ryan says. “I don’t know what I’ll write about though.” Ryan shrugs. “Let’s get you home.”

“Alright, Ry.”

_____________________________

When Ryan got home, he checked on Mimi. She was sipping tea in her room. They spoke for a while before Ryan went up to his room. He pulled the newspaper from his backpack. He tore off the part that had J.J’s email on it, and he taped it to his desk. He then, cut out the headline and article containing the ‘ghost bandits’. In the small margin of the article, he wrote **“First dance, first kiss, first Heist. Gavin Free, you never cease to amaze me.”** and he pinned it on his cork board.

In the Free household, Gavin was saving the article as well. He taped it neatly into his scrapbook. He wrote next to his “ **A koala and a scarecrow, what an odd pair. I love you, Ry.”** before he kissed the page and closed the book. 

What an odd pair indeed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so happy that this chapter is over with to be honest.  
> There are so many exciting things to come, and I can't wait for those!
> 
> I am 3K words into the next chapter and I'm loving it. So please stay tuned!  
> We shouldn't have another wait as long as this one.  
> I apologize, again <3


	19. Sudden Realizations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Good,” Gavin nods. “Are you gonna talk to them?”
> 
> “Probably not.” Ryan licks chocolate from his finger. “Dare I say ‘hell no’?”
> 
> “Hell no?” Gavin repeats. 
> 
> “Fuck no, as a matter of fact.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> IMPORTANT TRIGGER WARNINGS:  
> * Gavin/his family talk about Mr. Free's cruel treatment towards Gavin  
> * Ryan and Gavin have a PG 13+ kiss towards the end (no smut, just smooches)  
> * Speaking of PG 13, Gavin asks Ryan a 'personal' question (still no smut, not graphic at all...they're teens they talk about...stuff)
> 
> I love you all so much, thank you for reading!  
> This is another long update. 30K+ 
> 
> Hmmm what else?  
> OH! (as if I could forget) THANK YOU BECKY! BEST BETA EVER! I HOPE YOU ENJOY MOVING HOUSE! IT'S ALWAYS SO EXCITING! I love you :)
> 
> And as Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

_“Allie,” Ryan heard Mimi’s voice as he hid under the kitchen table. He spent a lot of time hiding as a child._ _Whether_ _it was on the floor of the closet, under a bed or table, or even in plain sight. He hid. “James is like you, he’s...”_

_“What, Mama?” Allison put her hands on her hips. “He’s broken?”_

_“Broken?” Mimi’s brow furrowed. “Allie no, he’s-”_

_“He’s perfect, Mama.” His mother’s voice broke. “Why can’t you see that?”_

_“I do, I do.” Mimi shakes her head. “Just like I see you right in front of me! You’re perfect. You’re beautiful, you’re so wonderful and I love you both, very much!” Mimi assured her. “But...you need help. There’s no shame in that. Everyone needs help from time to time. Which is why-”_

_“If you believe that so full heartedly, why...why are you trying to take me away from my son? He’s all I have left.”_

_“That’s not true!”_

_“It is!” Allison could feel herself shaking...it always started with the shaking. When Allison looked up into her mother’s eyes, all Mimi could see on her daughter’s face was fear, panic. “Mama...”_

_“Allie, sweetheart.” Mimi spoke calmly, gently. “Stay with me.”_

_“Mama, please don’t let me go! Don’t let me leave!” Allison knew the silence was coming, the darkness._

_“Allison, look at me! Allie, look at me, now!”_

_“Please...” Allison’s voice came out as a breath, a wind that only had the echo of a possible word. Mimi knew it was too late then, she was gone. For now._

_“Oh...sweetheart...” Mimi’s heart hurt, heavy with sadness._

_“James.” His mother’s voice always sounded like she knew exactly where he was hiding, even when he was somewhere she’d never guess. “James.”_

_“Allie,” Mimi stepped forward and took her daughter’s face in her hands. The younger woman’s eyes were staring right through Mimi, distant and far gone. Allison’s body went limp and her quaking legs let her sink to the floor, Mimi went down with her, making sure she didn’t fall back and hit her head. “Allie, I’m right here.”_

_“James.”_

_“Allie, listen to me.” Mimi held Allison to her chest. “We’re going to help you, alright?”_

_“James.”_

_“Your son is fine, he’s in bed.” Mimi didn’t know that Ryan was there, a few feet away, under the table...watching. He could see his mother’s face from here. It reminded him of a dead fish he’d seen on the beach when Mimi came to visit in June._

_Soulless eyes._

_“James.” Allison repeated his name again and again. As if he was the only thing that could bring her back from her distant state of being._

_Each time she said it, Ryan wanted to disappear. He felt like she was asking him to illuminate the dark side of the moon when he couldn’t even light a little spark. Like he wasn’t good enough to bring her back, even when he tried. He felt small and helpless._

_Why was it him that she called out for when her brain turned off? When her brain became a black hole and swallowed her up, why was he the only one she wanted?_

_She said his name softer and softer until it fades from her lips and she was still and silent and distant. Ryan sat curled up under the table wishing that Mimi would find him, wishing that his mother would find herself._

_____________________________

Ryan bolted awake with tears in his eyes, his breathing ragged. He immediately jumped out of bed, his legs feeling like noodles. Once he was on his feet he bent forward with his hands on his knees. He didn’t know why he was doing any of those actions, but he felt safer once he got out of the bed. 

That dream...it was a memory. Something that had happened when he was little. He remembered it the most out of all the times he’d witnessed his mother go silent. 

This is because Mimi was there. Most of the time, he and his mother were alone when it happened, and that always left Ryan feeling especially helpless. 

He always wondered...why it took everyone so long to realize that his mother was unfit to keep him. Everyone realized it when Ryan was seventeen, when he could pretty much take care of himself. Why’d it take so long?

If he had been taken from his mother sooner, maybe he would’ve been...better. Maybe he would’ve been talking long ago, laughing long ago. Happy long ago. 

The boy wouldn’t have had to spend nights with random people when his emergency contacts weren’t available at the time that his mother went silent. 

Maybe he wouldn’t have had to take care of his mother at ages as young as four years old. He wouldn’t have burned himself several times trying to cook meals for her that she wouldn’t eat. Maybe he would’ve had the chance to be a child, to be care free. 

But, at least he was getting his chance now, with Gavin and Mimi. With the others, with Texas, with the farmhouse. 

“Late is always better than never.” Ryan says under his breath as he stands upright. And, that’s when it hits him. The disoriented feeling that he gets when he wakes up. He’d been so startled by his dream that maybe the feeling had been delayed, but it was here now. 

It felt like everything was in slow motion. His body felt heavy and like gelatin. His brain felt like the fuzzy silver and grey TV screen when there was no signal, accompanied with the crinkling static. Ryan sank to the floor holding his dizzy head. He groaned loudly. He almost wanted to throw up. His disorientation hadn’t been this bad in a while. 

Ryan knew that it had to be some sort of condition, maybe a form of sleep paralysis. He was sure other people didn’t have such a hard time waking up, the same people who enjoyed sleeping. Ryan liked to fall asleep, because of the weightless feeling of it all. But, waking up always felt so heavy. 

He needed to use the bathroom now, get ready for school. But he was frozen in place until his brain stopped melting down into the rest of his body. He wished Gavin was here. He...

He wished Gavin was here.

_____________________________

Sam didn’t have a room in this house. He slept in the guest room, but it felt similar to how he would have mapped out his space anyway. Maybe his dad knew that and kept the room in a way that Sam would find most comfortable should he visit from Uni, which he did for the second time this visit. The first visit he paid was when they first moved in, but it was early June then. It’d been almost five months. 

When Sam woke up on Tuesday morning, he didn’t know where he was. When he remembered, he groaned and sat up. He was leaving tomorrow, but it felt like he’d just gotten there. He’d passed time so quickly with his father, and that was great. But, it wasn’t why he was here. 

Of course, seeing his father was part of the grand plan, Lilly and Avery too. But, he was really here for Gavin. He was worried about him. Ever since Sam left for Uni, he and Gavin never talked. It wasn’t anyone’s fault exclusively. Neither of them made extreme efforts to communicate, and neither of them wanted to address the fact that Sam wasn’t there to protect Gavin from their father anymore. 

The older brother had tried skyping Gavin a few times since he’d been away, but...it hurt. 

The first time, when Gavin answered the video call, he was smiling. He grinned the entire time, until Sam asked how he was doing. Gavin’s smile melted away like a sandcastle being overtaken by the tide. The blonde answered with ‘well, I’m doing just fine’ but Sam saw the look in Gavin’s eyes, and the sound of his voice was like a plea for help. This made Sam freeze and make an excuse to leave. 

The second time, Gavin looked like shit before Sam even said anything. Gavin looked at his screen silently and neither of them said anything for a solid two minutes. Gavin grumbled a greeting eventually and his voice was even raspy and shaky. Sam didn’t want to, but eventually he had to ask him if he was alright. Gavin shook his head, then told Sam that he had a stomach flu.

Sam sighed of relief, saying that he thought the shabby appearance was because his father had done something. ‘That’s part of it,’ Gavin replied. ‘Dad says I’m faking it so I won’t have to do anything all day. It’s bloody ridiculous.’ This made Sam go silent, and he wanted to tell his father off, but he couldn’t. That time, Sam stayed with Gavin until he fell asleep. 

The third time, Sam went for a phone call instead. Maybe not seeing Gavin would make it easier to talk to him. Sam employed this theory and called the house phone. Gavin sounded a bit eager to talk to him, and Sam didn’t know why, but it made him nervous and he quickly blew Gavin off. Sam lied and said he had really called to talk to their father. This left Gavin silent and hurt, he handed the phone over to their dad. 

So, all of that being said...Sam and Gavin could really work on their communication. It’s not like Sam hadn’t been trying the entire time he’s been here. But every time, Gavin pushes him further and further away. 

Sam knew that they had communication problems, but he didn’t know their relationship was  _this_  bad. It felt like Gavin was expecting Sam to give him something that he didn’t even have. 

He didn’t expect it to be any different Tuesday morning. After Sam woke up, he made his way down to the kitchen to eat a bowl of cereal alone. He’d wanted to be out of the kitchen by the time Gavin came down to cook himself and the twins breakfast. But, Gavin was up earlier than Sam had expected. The two brothers met eyes before Gavin grumbled something that sounded like ‘morning’, but Sam wasn’t sure. 

“Morning.” Sam replied, chewing crunchily on his cereal. Gavin rubbed sleep out of his eyes as he fetched the skillet and sat it on the stovetop. The older of the two was already prepared to be rejected and ignored, but he tried anyway. “What are you making?”

“Eggs...or something. I don’t know.” Gavin didn’t sound like he was thrilled with the idea of talking right now, but it sounded more like because he was tired. Not because he was annoyed with Sam. 

“Oh, alright.” Sam nodded, spooning more cereal into his mouth. 

“Dad says you’re leaving tomorrow.” Gavin’s voice is smaller than it was a moment ago and they haven’t made eye contact since Gavin entered the room. 

“Um, yeah. Tomorrow night.”

“Why at night?”

“It was just...I wanted to spend the most time here.” Sam shrugged. “Later flight, more family time.”

“That’s kind of you.”

“I guess.” Sam pushed around the cereal in the bowl. “Not like you’ve been spending time with me anyway.”

“Oh please,” Gavin finally looked over his shoulder at Sam. “You’ve been following Dad around the whole time. It’s been impossible to talk to you without him.”

“Not true.”

“It’s true.” Gavin looks away again, putting cooking oil in the pan and turning the burner to medium while he got the eggs out the fridge. “Every time we were alone for even a minute, he came to swoop you up under his big loving wing.”

“You could’ve asked me to hang out with you.” 

“Why should I have to ask?” Gavin has his back to his brother again.

“Because how the hell else would I know you wanted to hang out?”

“You could’ve assumed it. You bloody assumed everything else.” 

“Alright, well I assumed you would want to talk about your damn boyfriend, but I was wrong about that.” Sam says. “I assumed you’d be happy to see me when I got here, I was wrong about that.”

“I was happy...” It felt like a lie. “Well kind of.”

“See?” Sam shakes his head. “You didn’t give a damn.”

“I did!”

“Then why do I feel like you’re just saying that?” Sam asks. “Huh? You don’t mean it!”

“I’m happy you’re here!” Gavin stirs the eggs in the pan, he even stirs angrily. “But, the things is...I’m pissed at you.”

“Pissed at  _me_?” Sam’s eyebrows go up. “I’ve done nothing!”

“Exactly!” Gavin turns to him, lowering the heat on the pan so he won’t burn the almost done eggs. “You’ve done nothing!”

“If this is about Dad, I  _did_  do something.” Sam points at him. “I got you out of trouble for the weekend so you could be with your boyfriend! I could’ve been selfish and requested that you stayed with me and hung out instead. In fact, I could’ve not said anything and had you stay grounded and cooped up in your room!”

“I would’ve snuck out anyway.” Gavin folds his arms. “I don’t need you.”

“ _Yes_ , you do. We’re family.” Sam states with his brow creased. 

“Family doesn’t bloody abandon you and leave you with an abusive father!”

“ _Abandoned_ you??”

“Yes, Samuel.” Gavin sighs. “You know, leaving someone helpless and all.”

“You’re not helpless, you’re almost an adult.”

“Adults get abused all the time! My age doesn’t mean I can’t be overpowered by him.” 

“You told me it wasn’t as bad as it used to be...” Sam remembers that their father is upstairs and speaks quieter. “That he wasn’t as bad to you as he used to be.”

“That’s not to mean it doesn’t happen at all!” Gavin hisses. 

“What the hell do you want me to do about it?” 

“Care!” Gavin raises up his hands. “Tell him to leave me alone!  _Something_ , Sam.”

“But-”

“There was a time when you were there for me, always.” Gavin turns away from him again, giving the eggs one last good stir. “I liked  _that_  Sam, I love that Sam. He was the best big brother in the world. But you’re a coward.”

“I am not!”

“You just left.”

“I had to go to school, Gavin!” Sam holds his hand to his temple. “I have scholarships, but Dad is paying for some. If I had given him hell, he wouldn’t have supported me.”

“He would too,” Gavin shakes his head. “You could do no wrong in his eyes.”

“Bullshit.”

“No, seriously.” 

“Whatever,” Sam gets up from the table. “We’re not getting anywhere with this conversation, so I’m going to bow out.”

“Abandoning me again? So bloody soon?”

“Shut up, Gavin.” Sam turned back to Gavin. “You know what...no I’m not leaving.”

“Hm,” Gavin hummed, not amused at all. He doesn’t want to believe him and just end up hurt again.

“No, I want to spend time with you.” Sam shakes his head. “I haven’t had time with you and I’ve been here for days.”

_____________________________

“Sam, no.” Gavin put his books into his backpack. “I  _am_  going to school.”

“Just, today. Gavin, give me today.”

“I don’t owe you anything.” Gavin frowns. “Especially time that could be spent getting an education and seeing my boyfriend.”

“So he  _is_  your boyfriend then?” Sam grinned. “Congrats!”

“I’m going to school.” Gavin tried to move passed his brother, but it didn’t work. The older boy spread himself out like a star in the doorway so he couldn’t be passed. “Sam!”

“I’m a begging you, Gavin.  _Begging_ , you to please spend time with me before I have to leave tomorrow.” Sam frowned. “This is your fault, you know? If you didn’t keep blowing me off the entire time I was here, I would be satisfied and out of your hair right now. But, no. You avoided me like the plague and brought this on yourself.”

“Dad!” Gavin saw the man walking down the hall towards the stairs. He stopped short when Gavin eagerly called out his name. “Why aren’t you at work?”

His father scoffed. “None of your bloody-” 

“No matter,” Gavin held up a hand. “But, Sam is trying to make me call in sick from school and I find that very cruel to my academic career, don’t you?”

Mr. Free looked at his two sons curiously. “Are the twins ready for school?”

“They’re at the bus stop, they’ve left already.” Gavin informs him. 

“Carry on then,” The man walked down the stairs. “Spend time with your brother.”

“But-” Gavin whined in defeat. 

“Go on, then!” Mr. Free yelled, thus ending the conversation. 

Sam looked positively gleeful. “Awesome!” He cheered. 

“I can’t bloody believe this.” Gavin dropped his backpack to the floor. 

“I’ll be ready to go in fifteen minutes.” Sam raced down the hall. “You won’t regret this!”

“I regret it already.” Gavin sighed. 

~*~ 

Ryan was leaving out the front door of the farmhouse when he got a text from Gavin. 

 

> Gavin: Go on to school without me, I’ve been kidnapped.
> 
> Ryan: Good morning to you. Oh and what the fuck?
> 
> Gavin: Sam is making me spend the day with him
> 
> Ryan: Oh, hell yeah! Bonding :)
> 
> Gavin: Ugh, I knew you’d be damn thrilled about this...
> 
> Ryan: Duh, I’ve been waiting for you to stop being a douche to your brother.
> 
> Gavin: ...bye, Ry
> 
> Ryan: You have to go already?
> 
> Gavin: I want you to be safe on your walk to school and being distracted isn’t going to be good for you. So, yeah. Also, apparently I have to go kiss my brother’s ass. 
> 
> Ryan: Gross lol
> 
> Gavin: It’s a figure of speech, moron. 
> 
> Ryan: I know that, still though #Freecest
> 
> Gavin: What?
> 
> Ryan: Nothing, ttyl
> 
> Gavin: Save me, please?
> 
> Ryan: Do you really want me to? You know I will.
> 
> Gavin: No, sorry. I’m fine. This just really sucks. 
> 
> Ryan: Promise you’re ok?
> 
> Gavin: I’m miserable, but I’m fine. Promise. 
> 
> Ryan: Love you :)
> 
> Gavin: I love you, Ry. Wish me luck. 
> 
> Ryan: Break all of the legs, babe. 

_____________________________

Ryan felt naked, he felt vulnerable. Walking into school without Gavin felt wrong. Like he was lying to everyone, even without saying or doing anything. 

He wishes that he knew how to go back to the way he was before, when he could just be numb. He’s had so many years of practicing not feeling anything. How could he forget how to be numb after meeting just one person? How could Gavin change him completely?

Ryan remembers walking into the school before Gavin, and just going through the motions...but not feeling anything. He remembered seeing the people around him, but not acknowledging them. Not worrying what they thought of him, or if they spoke to him. 

Before, if anyone would speak to him, he’d just look at them blankly until they walked away. Sometimes, he wouldn’t even look at them, just ignore them completely. 

But now, if someone would talk to him...he’d try to force out  _something_. Or at least nod. If he didn’t...he felt strange, guilty even. 

He didn’t want to feel that way. There are several situations in which Ryan wishes he could just go back to numbness, just for a little while. Until the moment passes, or until he’s ready to feel again...but that’s not how life works. That’s not how his brain worked anymore. 

It was like his brain was a factory that had shut down one of its productivity rooms, and suddenly, Gavin had flipped the switch. Letting him sense, and feel and emote. It was a double edged sword. Ryan loved all of the good feelings. Like love, and happiness, and contentment. He hated the anger, the sadness, the fear. 

Today though, luckily, time seemed to pass quickly. Mostly because Ryan was waiting from one moment to the next, until he could see Gavin again. So, Ryan was racing through his day to get to the end of it. During his racing he practically ran over Geoff. 

“Ow, fuck...” Geoff rubbed his forehead. Ryan had swung the cafeteria door open briskly and hit Geoff in the face. Ryan blushed hard. 

“S-sorry,” Ryan held the door open for him. The older male opened his eyes and began chuckling. 

“Watch where you’re fucking going, Haywood.” Geoff laughed again then stepped into the cafeteria. “So, Gav texted me and told me that he wasn’t going to be in today.”

“Yeah...” Ryan walked to the food line and grabbed a tray. 

“You miss him?” Geoff asks. Ryan looks at him, presses his lips in a thin line and nods. “Well, he’ll be back tomorrow, so that’s good.”

“Uh-huh.” Ryan picks his food while Geoff is continuing to talk. 

“So, I was hoping we could hang out after school.”

“What?” Ryan knits his eyebrows together. “W-with...” Ryan has trouble speaking. Geoff doesn’t seem bothered by it, he looks at Ryan expectantly, but it’s not intimidating. “With the group?” He finally manages. 

“Nah, just us.” Geoff thanks the woman behind the counter who is giving out the food and then turns back to Ryan. “What do ya say, Ryan?”

“Um...” Ryan hands the woman at the cash register his student ID. Each student at the school has an ID card, with which they pay for their lunches, things out the vending machines, and things the school offers like year books and such. “What would we do after school?”

“You’re so fucking good at talking, dude.” Geoff comments fondly, then shrugs. “We could grab something to eat, cookies. Gav says you like cookies.”

“I have...a lot of those.” He turns away so Geoff wouldn’t see his small smile. Ryan has lost complete control of not smiling. It annoys him a lot because he doesn’t want anyone to see it. He doesn’t know exactly  _why_  it makes him so uncomfortable for people to see him smile. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s feeling. 

_Hell yeah you have a lot of cookies, asshole. You and Gav stole the whole damn dessert table._  Geoff thought, grinning. But, he didn’t say anything. 

“Alright, well maybe we could just hang out. I dunno.”

“Why?”

“Huh?” Geoff rose a brow. Ryan had caught him off guard, asking the question. 

“Why do you want to hang out with me?”

“I really care about Gavin.” Geoff begins. “He cares about you, and I trust his judgement. I bet you’re a really cool dude. In fact, I  _know_ you are.” Geoff smiles. “That being said, I can tell you could really use some friends and I’m sorry that I didn’t take the time to get to know you sooner. But...I bet that if I’d tried before now, you wouldn’t have let me get to know you anyway.”

Ryan listens to everything that Geoff said carefully. When Geoff stopped talking, Ryan opened his mouth to say something. But, he didn’t get a chance to before someone shouted his name from the lunch line. 

“Ryan Haywood!” The voice called. Ryan had flinched upon hearing his name, and he nervously looked passed Geoff to see who it was. Ryan recognized him right away, it was J.J from the other day. “Ahoy, matey!”

“J.J, would you shut up?” Blaine rolled his eyes from behind him. 

“We’re eating outside.” J.J announces. “Join us at once, won’t you?” Ryan listened to the way J.J was talking, like he was on stage right this second. It was much different than the cool, smooth way he was talking in the News Room before. Ryan’s blue eyes flickered to Geoff. The older male sighed and nodded to the others standing in line. 

“Go on,” Geoff bumped his tray against Ryan’s arm. “Go eat with them.”

“But...” Ryan looked over at the others. Michael, Barbara, Ray...Jack and Griffon. He was supposed to sit with them, Gavin would. 

“Gavin’s not here.” Geoff said as if reading Ryan’s mind. “Besides, they seem nice. Go try something new. If you don’t like it, you know where to find us.”

Ryan chewed his bottom lip before nervously nodding at Geoff. 

“See ya, kid.” Geoff saluted then made his way across the cafeteria to the table Ryan had sat at the day he met Gavin. The group had turned that into the usual table a while ago. 

“Ready?” J.J asked as he and Blaine approached. Ryan looks at them, then back to his usual table. Hesitantly, he nodded. 

_____________________________

Ryan doesn’t like change. 

When they got outside, Ryan spotted Arryn, Miles, and Kerry. The other people from the News Staff. There were also a handful of people sitting at the table with them. J.J, Blaine and Ryan sat down at the picnic table beside theirs. 

“Greetings,” J.J spoke in his loud voice. “This is Ryan.”

Ryan was then motioned to by J.J with a large sweep of his arms. Everyone chorused hellos. “Ryan,” J.J gave another large swoop of his arms to the group of unknown faces. “This is the Theater Club...and Blaine.” Ryan nodded shyly at them. “Ryan doesn’t talk much,” J.J informed them. “He’s  _dark_  and  _mysterious_.” 

Ryan furrowed his brow curiously at J.J.  He didn’t find himself at all dark or mysterious. Well, maybe the mysterious part was true. But, Ryan had lost all his darkness really when Gavin ate it all up with his light. 

“So,” J.J boomed. “Shall we get started?”

“Yes!” Miles jumped up to his feet. “We filled the improv prompt bag while you were gone.”

“Excellent.” J.J smirks. “You can go first then.”

“Alright.” Miles took the bag from Kerry and began digging through it with his eyes shut. Ryan watched on, intrigued. When Miles finally chose a slip of paper from the bag, then scoffed at what he read. “Kerry, god damn it.”

“What?” Kerry rose a brow, chuckling. “Did you get mine?”

“Read it out loud, Luna.” J.J pointed a finger at him. “You know the rules.”

Miles rolled his eyes then began reading. “‘You are a dapper gentleman, you are to sword fight another dapper gentleman. However, you must do it very politely, complimenting each other through and through.’”

The onlookers all laugh, even Ryan struggled to fight the urge to laugh. 

“What?” Kerry shrugged. “I thought it would be very quaint.”

“ _Quaint_.” Miles repeats, rolling his eyes again. 

“Who do you want to be the gentlemen you’ll fight?” J.J asks, watching as Miles digs two fake swords from a box labeled ‘Sweet-Ass Props’. Miles looks at the group of people, eyes landing on Ryan for a moment. This caused the tawny haired male to fidget nervously in his seat. However, Miles’ eyes land finally on Kerry. 

“It was your dumb prompt, you do it.” Miles holds out a sword to Kerry, who gladly jumps up and takes it. 

“An honor it would be, to battle with you.” Kerry stands on the bench of the picnic table so that he would be taller than Miles. But, when Miles stood on the bench as well, Kerry was once again short. 

“Let us begin.” Miles drew the sword back, a wide smirk on his face. “Sir Kerry, I must say,” Miles jabbed the sword forward, Kerry dodges it. “I love what you’ve done with the place.”

“I knew you were coming, Sir Miles, and I know to only give you the best.” Kerry responds, taking a swing at Miles. The swing is escaped by Miles’ quick reflex. 

“Touching, yes!” Miles holds his sword out to the side. “Still, it is shocking that you’d wish to fight amongst such a fine table. Have you no respect for the decor?”

“Such a fine table indeed, Sir Miles.” The smaller male bowed his head. “The finest of which to slay you upon!” He cried as he jabbed Miles in the gut. Miles fell dramatically onto the grass and all of the onlooking theater kids...and Blaine laughed. Kerry, the one who jabbed him looked worried though. “Are you alright, Miles?”

“Yeah,” He responded, sitting up and smiling. “That was fun, Kerry. A surprisingly awesome improv prompt.”

“Who’s next?” Arryn asked from their table. J.J turned his head to look at Blaine, and he started laughing. 

“Wouldn’t it be funny to see a jock do an improv run with us?” J.J pointed. 

“You know I can hear you right?” Blaine spoke with his mouth full. Ryan looked from Blaine to J.J as they spoke. 

“So you wanna do it, then?” J.J taunted. 

“Fuck no.” Blaine shook his head. “I’m halfway through a bomb BLT.”

“Too chicken?” J.J taunted, rose a brow. 

“No, too  _bacon_....lettuce and tomato.”

“Come on, tough guy.” J.J got up onto his feet and walked over to Blaine’s table. “I wanna see you act out a scene.”

“If I do will you leave me alone to finish my lunch?”

“Maybe,” J.J shrugged. “If it’s too good, I’ll ask you to do another, and another. And then I’ll ask you to join the Theater Club.”

“I’d never do that.” Blaine laughed. 

“Do an improv scene.”

“I need a partner, right?”

“Depends on what prompt you get.” J.J shrugged. “I’ll be your partner, should you need one. Since it was my idea and all.”

“Fair enough.” Blaine extends a hand. “I’m Blaine.” He introduced himself like J.J didn’t know who he was. J.J looks confused for a moment before he reaches his hand forward and taking Blaine’s. Ryan notices a faint blush on J.J’s face. 

_J.J likes him._  Ryan deduces from their interaction.

“I’m J.J.” He shakes Blaine’s hand. “Come pick a prompt.”

“Alright.” Blaine shoves the rest of his sandwich in his mouth. 

“Wow...” J.J comments and Blaine shrugs, wiping mayo from the corner of his mouth. The raven haired boy brings Blaine over to the other theater kids. “This is Blaine the Neanderthal Jock. I’ve brought him to our improv runs before, I believe.”

“Hi, Blaine.” They chorus. 

“Blaine, these are my friends.” J.J points. 

“Friends.” Blaine nods at them, but brings his eyes back to J.J, watching him fondly. 

_Blaine likes him_. Ryan takes mental notes. 

“Kerry, give Blaine the prompt bag.” J.J instructs. 

“Prompt bag!” Kerry yells. Blaine reaches inside and pulls out a thin piece of paper, unfolds it and eyes widen at what he reads. 

“What’d you get?” J.J raises a brow. 

“Breakup.” Blaine announces and the group catcalls. Even cool and collected J.J spares another blush at the prompt. But he quickly plays it off. Ryan is just glad that he doesn’t have to participate in all of this. 

“Oh no! Meathead has to breakup with me!” He places the back of his hand against his forehead dramatically. “Where do you want me?”

“Sit on the table.” Blaine pats the sun-warmed wood surface. 

J.J complies. “Now what?”

“Now, we act.” Blaine nudges J.J’s knees apart so he can stand between them, their bodies don’t touch fully but it’s close enough to prompt more catcalling. J.J once again complies, this time, hesitantly. “Hey,”

“Yeah?” J.J puts his hands on Blaine’s shoulders. 

“You...are so fucking beautiful to me.” Blaine looks into J.J’s eyes intensely, heavy emotions on his lips. 

“You do know that this is a breakup scene? What the hell are you doing?” J.J whispers under his breath. Blaine gives him a scolding look to which J.J rolls his eyes and gets back ‘into character’. “You’re beautiful to me too.”

“And I...” Blaine sighs deeply. “I just can’t do this anymore.”

“W-what?” J.J’s voice cracks and he reaches up to hold Blaine’s face. “What are you doing, Blaine?”

“I’m breaking up with you, J.J.” Blaine shakes his head. “I can’t stay with you, knowing that I’ll never be fucking good enough. I’ll always just be some meathead jock to you.”

“You’re so much more than that!” J.J pushes Blaine away. “I always try to tell you that! And you never listen to me!”

“Because, J.J! I can’t listen to lies anymore!”

“I would never lie to you! Don’t you know me at all??”

“I know you well enough to see when it’s time for me to leave.” Blaine keeps his eyes on J.J, they’re cold and unfriendly. “It’s over.” 

Blaine lets the silence build up, before cracking a smile and turning to the theater kids and bowing. They’re all stunned and the reaction is delayed but they start clapping approvingly. 

“Holy fuuuuuck.” J.J runs a hand over his head. “I wasn’t ready for that...like I  _felt_  that!”

“Can I go finish my lunch now?” Blaine asks. 

“You have to be in a play, dude!”

“No way,” Blaine shakes his head, he waves to the other theater kids. “Bye.”

“But-” J.J tries to protest but Blaine is already walking across the grass back to his own table. Blaine takes his place back next to Ryan, who’s still a bit speechless from the scene. Not that he would say anything anyway.

“Th-that was good.” Ryan comments. 

“Oh, thanks man.” Blaine opens his bag of crisps. “You like theater?”

“It...looks like fun.” Ryan shrugs. 

“I like it, I’d never join though.” Blaine crinkles his nose. “I can’t imagine doing anything like that on an actual stage...in front of actual people, ya know?”

“I couldn’t do it, either.” Ryan frowns, just imagining. He had trouble talking to one person alone. Talking to several people in front of a whole audience...nope.

Ryan sat the rest of the lunch, eating his food and watching all of the fun scenes go on in front of him. He once again wished he could feel normal. Maybe normal enough that he could go over, pick a prompt out of the bag...and just not be Ryan. Just for a little while. 

_____________________________

The two brothers were in Sam’s rental car, sitting in silence as the older drove them out of town. Gavin had his legs up on his seat, body turned, facing away from Sam. 

“Ugh,” Sam huffed. “Would you talk to me?”

“I literally have nothing to say.” Gavin doesn’t turn to face him. “I don’t want to talk to you, I don’t want to be here. I want to be at school.”

“I honestly couldn’t give a single damn shit about whether or not you  _want_  to have this talk.” Sam frowns. “We’re having this talk.”

“Then you talk, I’ll listen.”

“That’s not how conversations work.”

“Well, we can’t both bloody talk at the same time, now can we?” Gavin retorts and Sam grits his teeth. 

“Fine.” Sam speaks through his clenched jaw. “Gavin, I’m s-”

“Shouldn’t we talk when we get to wherever we’re going?” 

“Gav-”

“I think we should talk then, I’m going to nap now.” Gavin shifts a bit into a more comfortable sleeping position. “Wake me when we’re wherever.”

“Ok, fuck this.” Sam pulls over on the side of the road. They’re in the middle of nowhere. Flat grassy land on either  side of them. A swampy looking body of water further down the long stretch of road that leads out of the small town.

Gavin sits up and looks at his brother, a confused scowl on his face. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Out of the car.” Sam unbuckles his seatbelt. 

“Samuel, this is bloody ridicu-”

“Out of the  _fucking_  car.” Sam gets out and walks around to the back of the vehicle. Gavin takes a few moments to look up at the ceiling of the car, groaning, before he gets out. He walks with his arms folded to where Sam stands, his arms also folded. 

“So...what?” Gavin looks at him, his green eyes trying to stay firm and unafraid. 

“I love you.” Sam states clearly, his voice shakes a bit on the last word. Gavin’s eyebrows come together. 

“W-what?” Gavin responds because he doesn’t know what else to say, and he’s helplessly confused. 

“I love you, Gavin you stupid idiot moron.” Sam laughs, tears in his eyes. “You’re my brother, I wouldn’t do anything to intentionally hurt you...” Sam shakes his head. “I’m sorry to have hurt you a lot in the past...or now as well...I guess.”

“Sam...”

“I’m bloody serious.” Sam keeps eye contact with him. “If I’d been half the man you are right now, I would’ve told Dad to sod off long ago....but I was so scared and I’m still so scared of him.”

“You left me.” Gavin feels tears coming to his own eyes. “You left me and I was so alone, I was so scared, Sam.”

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” Sam reaches his hands up to his face uses both of them to cover his mouth and nose, pointer fingers applying pressure to the bridge of his nose. 

“I know you’re sorry,” Gavin nods. “I do and it’s great to know that all of this time you’ve cared...but it hurts.”

“I know it-”

“It hurts me so badly, and I feel that pain every time Dad looks at me, talks to me, every time he h-hits me.”

“Gavin...”

“I just wanted you to be there, every time.” Gavin wipes his eyes. “And...y-you weren’t.”

“I’m so sorry, Gavin.” Sam’s words are quaking with the rest of him. 

“When you were leaving for uni, I had packed.”

“What?” Sam takes his hands away from his face, mouth falling open. “You  _what_?”

“I packed, a suitcase.”

“Why would you-”

“I thought that there was no way...that you’d leave me like that. Leave me with  _him_...” Gavin wipes his eyes again with the back of his hands. “I knew you’d never mentioned bringing me with you, but I thought maybe it was because you wanted there to be no chance Dad could figure it out.”

“Gavin...”

“So I sat on my bed, while you packed everything into your car. I was certain that when it was time for you to leave, that you’d come and get me.” 

“And...I didn’t.”

“No...you did,” Gavin says. “You came into my room and said ‘Gavin, come say goodbye! You sausage.’ and I ran out of my room, dragging my luggage bag behind me. You followed me downstairs and watched as I told Dad off.”

“Oh...yeah...”

“I told him he was a horrible father, and that mum would  _loathe_ him for what he had done to me.” Gavin chuckles sadly. “He slapped me harder than he’d ever slapped me before, and I fell to the floor...started crying. You screamed at him, asked him what his problem was.”

“He just looked at me for a while...”

“Then he smiled, and apologized for me.” Gavin shakes his head. “He goes ‘The boy is just upset about you leaving, don’t pay any mind to him.’ as if I had said rude things to  _you_  or something.”

“You didn’t even hug me goodbye after that.” Sam frowns. 

“Are you kidding me?” Gavin throws his hands up. “My brother, who I thought was there to protect me...” Gavin points. “Had just watched me get slapped in the face so hard that I dropped to the floor, and then promptly says ‘alright, give us a hug, mate’ and I’m supposed to gleefully run into your arms?”

“There was nothing I could do!”

“You could’ve done  _anything_!”

“But-”

“Anything!”

“You were thirteen!” Sam shouts. “You could’ve defended yourself!”

“I already told you once, age has nothing to do with it!”

“Gav-”

“And he had been hitting me since around the time mum died,” Gavin points out. “I was nine years old when she passed! I was grieving over my mother! I was confused as to why my father suddenly hated me! I was lost and scared, and you did nothing!”

“Gavin...”

“And since age is so bloody important to you, how about I point out that, at the time he started physically abusing me, you were fourteen years old!” Gavin raises his voice. “Apparently being a teenager makes you fucking invincible! So why didn’t  _you_  do anything. Before the uni situation came up! What was your bloody excuse then??”

“I...” Sam was still shaking. “I was just scared...that...that he’d turn on me too.”

Gavin felt his face crumple up, and he was embarrassed by how he must’ve looked. He couldn’t stop it though. “So...you let it happen!”

“Gavin, please understand that-”

“You let him beat me...” Gavin spoke between violent sobs. “You let him fucking beat me to save your own ass!”

“Not just for me, for the twins as well!” Sam tries to justify himself. “I was trying to protect us!”

“What about me, huh?” Gavin’s face is flushed a harsh red. “You promised to protect me, always! What happened to that??”

“I...”

“You’re a coward!”

“Gavin, please.”

“You say you love me, yet...you used me as a human shield.”

“Gavin, I-”

“You don’t know if he would’ve hit you, too!”

“But-”

“He could’ve listened to you, realized he was wrong and stopped hitting anyone all together!”

“How bloody likely was that??”

“Who knows??” Gavin shrugs. “It would’ve been better than nothing, Samuel”

“I held you after every time!” Sam reminds him. “I held you until you stopped crying! I iced your wounds!”

“But you didn’t prevent it from happening again!”

“I’m sorry!” Sam’s voice is shrill and strangled in his throat. “I can’t undo the past! I’m a scared little bitch, I get it!”

Gavin is finally quiet, chest still heaving, but he’s no longer sobbing. He’s ran out of things to say again and he simply folds his arms. 

“I can’t undo any of the things, and I know the pain of what he did to you...what I did...will probably be with you forever...but, I want to move forward being a better brother.” Sam says. “Please give me the chance.”

“I won’t.”

“Gavin, please.”

“I won’t do a damn thing to begin mending our relationship, until you say  _something_  to Dad.”

“I...I don’t know what to say.” Sam admits. “What if he stops paying for my schooling?”

“Then don’t say anything to Dad, don’t say anything at all.” Gavin shrugs. “When Dad has continued to use me as a punching bag for the next two years until I move out, and when you’re out of school,  _then_  we can try being friends again.” 

“Gav-”

“It’ll be fucking great.” Gavin walks away from Sam, gets back in the car.

Sam looks around at the vast nothingness. He wasn’t even sure where he was planning on taking Gavin. He just wanted to be as far away from their father as possible when they finally got around to talking. But now, he doesn’t know if he should continue driving away, or just head back into town. 

When he finally gets back in the car, Gavin is curled up on his seat again, still steadily sniffling. 

“I’m hungry.” Gavin says in a soft voice, it almost sounds like he’s a child again. Scared and small, it hurts Sam somewhere in his chest. 

“Hey,” Sam speaks softly too.

“What?”

“When I go back to school...tomorrow,” He begins. “If you could, would you want to come with me?”

Gavin is silent for a moment before sighing. “No.”

“Why not?”

“I want to stay with Ryan, now.” Gavin isn’t looking at him, but out the window towards the swamp. He tries to recreate it in his mind as the pond that he and Ryan burned letters at, on the farm. 

“Why?”

“I love him.”

“But...I mean, wouldn’t you rather get away from Dad?”

“And go with you?” Gavin chuckles ruefully. “Ryan’s protected me better than you ever have.”

“Bloody fucking impossible!” Sam retorts. “You’ve bloody known the bloke for a few months! He couldn’t possibly have iced your wounds, stayed up with you all night after Dad-”

“He  _has_  stayed up with me all night to take care of me emotionally, for your information.” Gavin cuts him off there. “He’s never  _had_  to ice my wounds. Dad hasn’t been that bad lately. However, I’m sure if he had to he would.”

“So what makes him so much better?”

“Ryan’s protection to me isn’t an apology for throwing me under the bus.” Gavin turns to look at his brother. “Ryan takes care of me because he  _wants_  to, because in his heart that comes before saving his own ass.”

“He’s never had to choose between saving his ass, and putting you first.”

“He offered to confront Dad  _several_  times, and he wasn’t even hesitant to do it.”

“You don’t know shit, it could’ve been a bloody act!”

“I  _know_  him, Samuel.”

“Like I said before, it’s been a sodding few months!”

“You’ve never been connected to someone, like I am to Ryan.” Gavin speaks confidently. “Even if you have, or you  _think_  you have...there is no one in the world like Ryan. He is a very fragile person, a very honest person. His brain works differently than other people’s and when you know him, you  _know_  him.”

“It could still be an act.” Sam shrugs. “How well do you even know the guy?”

“Um...” Gavin isn’t sure how to answer the question. “Really well. I couldn’t prove it to you, because it’s hard to prove that kind of bond.”

“Sounds like an excuse.”

“When you very briefly met Ryan, what did you notice about him?”

“He’s really good looking.”

“I know, right?” Gavin takes a moment away from the seriousness. “Like  _amazingly_  good looking.”

“Stunning.” Sam agrees. 

“Anyway, back to my point.” Gavin sits up a bit. “What did you really notice about him?”

“He...” Sam thinks. “Didn’t say anything, and he had a really intense stare.”

“Exactly.” Gavin says. “He didn’t say anything, because he couldn’t. He has...something I call ‘silence’. He has trouble speaking in front of people he doesn’t know well, and sometimes he literally can’t speak. Even to people he knows well, not even if he wants to.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know.” Gavin shrugs.

“So, he’s shy?”

“He is, but it’s not just that.” Gavin shakes his head. “His brain works differently, and it doesn’t really matter why. It’s who he is, but he’s getting better and better each day.”

“And you think that’s your doing?”

“It partially is.”

“He’s just someone you want to save, you think it’s love.”

“You’re an idiot.”

“I’m trying to look out for you.”

“By discounting my feelings for the only person in the world who’s made me feel safe without hurting me?”

“You’re...making him out to be so bloody high and mighty...and-”

“You’re  _jealous_.” Gavin looks amused. 

“No I’m not jealous!”

“You are too!”

“Gav...”

“There’s nothing wrong with it, it’s sweet really.” Gavin smiles for the first time since he’s left the house with Sam. 

“I...maybe I am...” Sam is blushing. “I used to be your hero.”

“Ugh,” Gavin puts his hands over his face. “Alright, Samuel.”

“What?”

“You’re my brother...and I love you,” Gavin begins. “But...you’ve hurt me...and I’m not ready to forgive that. I might not ever be-”

“I’m sorry.” Sam looks down at his hands in his lap.

“I know you are,” Gavin nods. “If you really mean it...I’m not asking you to confront Dad on how much of a prick he’s being. But...could you do me a favor?”

“Alright...?” Sam sounds hesitant. 

“Ask him why he does it.”

“Gavin...”

“Just once, ask him why.” Gavin looks at his brother. “If he doesn’t answer the first time, don’t push him. I don’t want him to take away the money he’s paying for your schooling.”

“Really?”

“Why the bleeding hell would I want that?”

“I...kind of deserve it.”

“You don’t deserve your chance at the future you want taken away from you,” Gavin frowns. “It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past, like you said, you can’t change it...but that doesn’t mean that you deserve anything like that.”

“Th-thank you, Gavin.” Sam looks extremely grateful and unworthy of the kindness he’s being shown. 

“So you’ll do it?”

“What?”

“Ask Dad...about why.” 

“I will, tonight. I promise.”

“Thank you, Sam.”

_____________________________

So, Ryan’s been Gavin’s boyfriend for over 24 hours, and they’ve barely spent any time together. Not that it was really either of their faults. Even if Gavin had been in school today, they wouldn’t had been together all day. Ryan knew that.

Still, of course he missed Gavin. All the time in the world together wouldn’t be enough anyway. 

However, Ryan wasn’t aware of how outwardly his missing Gavin was showing. It must have been easy to read on his face because Michael took notice. 

“Something bothering you?” Michael asked as they sat in the library. It was time for their class, but the teacher had given them a study period to use the library for research regarding their upcoming due paper. Michael had never really sat with Ryan during this class, or even talked to him. But now, he was doing both. 

Ryan was sitting in the isolated part of the library where no one would bother him, or so he’d thought. He’d actually been contemplating going outside now and laying on the picnic tables to breathe for a while. But, he decided against it. He came to the library as instructed incase he eventually felt like doing actual work. 

Ryan looked up and made eye contact with Michael, an eyebrow risen inquisitively. 

“I mean you don’t have to tell me what’s bothering you, or whatever.” The redhead scratches his head. “Or if you can’t...I don’t know.” He seems a bit flustered and Ryan isn’t used to seeing Michael like this. He’s usually loud mouthed and sure in his words. Now though, he seems like he’s trying really hard. Ryan appreciates it. 

“I...” Ryan closes his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.  _Come on words, don’t be stuck now_. 

“If you’re having trouble talking...you could do what I do.” Michael suggests. 

Ryan leaned his head to the side, again looking inquisitively at Michael. 

“Well, talking takes a lot of thinking.” Michael shrugs. “Like making sentences and all.”

Ryan rolls his eyes jokingly. “Obviously.”

“Don’t be a smart ass, I’m trying to help you out.”

Ryan shrugs as an apology. 

“Anyway, like I said...it takes a lot to word sentences, but it doesn’t take any thought to swear. It just comes out naturally.” Michael explains. “So if you get stuck, just say a curse word and then attach the rest of your sentence to it. I know it sounds weird, but it’s super helpful. It’s like giving your words a push.”

Ryan furrowed his brow. 

“Try it.” Michael urged. Ryan didn’t want to, swearing for no reason seemed strange. Also, he was in a library...where you’re meant to be quiet. Swearing was the last thing you should do in a library. But, Ryan tried it. 

“Shit,” Ryan says it. Michael was right, it was mindless. 

“Well, that’s a start but try adding some other stuff to it.”

“Shit, this kind of feels alright.” Ryan looks away to hide a small grin.

“See what I mean?”

“Michael...” Ryan looks at the table. 

“Have I even fucking  _heard_  you say my name before?”

“Uh...” Ryan thinks, then shrugs. 

“You say it better than Gavin does.” Michael laughs. “ _Mi-cool_.”

Ryan nods, bottom lip between his teeth. He doesn’t want to smile, but he really feels like grinning. 

“You alright?”

“Yeah.”

“Good, then.” Michael yawns. “I’m gonna take a nap.”

Ryan nods again. 

“Wake me when class ends, or if the teacher or librarian are coming over here. If you don’t, I’ll fucking kick your ass.” 

Ryan turns away again, he gives a breathy laugh that he hoped wouldn’t sound like a laugh. Michael pulls his hood over his head and lays his head down. When he’s still for a few beats, Ryan pulls out his phone and checks to see if there are any texts from Gavin.

Nope, nothing. So, he sends one. 

> Ryan: Are you alright?
> 
> Gavin: I miss you incredibly
> 
> Ryan: I miss you too
> 
> Gavin: That makes me happy
> 
> Ryan: Are you coming to school today?
> 
> Gavin: The days almost over, love
> 
> Ryan: Will I see you today?
> 
> Gavin: Probably not, I wish though
> 
> Ryan: Why not? :(
> 
> Gavin: Family stuff, I’m sorry Ry
> 
> Ryan: I get it
> 
> Gavin: I’m sorry
> 
> Ryan: No, it’s alright :)
> 
> Gavin: What are you doing?
> 
> Ryan: Sitting with Michael in the library 
> 
> Gavin: Replaced me already, Ry?
> 
> Ryan: He’s sleeping :P
> 
> Gavin: Typical :)
> 
> Ryan: What are you up to?
> 
> Gavin: Lunch with Sam
> 
> Ryan: How are things with you two?
> 
> Gavin: I’ll tell you later, I have to go for now. Ok?
> 
> Ryan: I should be doing work anyway, alright. 
> 
> Gavin: That’s my boy :D
> 
> Ryan: boyfriend*

_____________________________

It felt like forever, but he was finally out of class for the day. The ‘end of the day’ bell rang and Ryan all but sprinted from his classroom. He was ready to go and see Gavin, but that thought dissolved when he remembered that Gavin had been kidnapped by his brother and Geoff had wanted to spend time with him after school. Thinking about that made him nervous. 

He was torn from his thoughts when he heard his name being called. Burnie was running up to him. 

“Ryan,” Burnie says again when he’s caught up to the boy. “Hello!”

“Um, hi.” Ryan runs his hand over his head, unsure of what Burnie could want. He had actually surprised himself by speaking automatically without thinking about it. Michael’s thoughtless speaking method was working, he didn’t have to swear though. Just think less.

“So, Gus talked to me, and I talked to J.J,” Burnie begins. “And you’re interested in joining the paper? That is  _amazing_!”

Ryan blushes and nods shyly, he pressed his lips together tightly, but a small smile is still there. He curses internally.

“I told Gus, by the way, that you preferred to be called Ryan.” Burnie says. “He told me he apologizes if calling you Ja- uh, by your first name, made you uncomfortable.”

“Th-thank you.” Ryan nods again. 

“He says he’ll ‘make up for it’ in your advisory period with him tomorrow.”

“Huh?” Ryan’s eyebrows go up. A simple apology wasn’t even  _needed_ , let alone whatever the hell Gus planned on doing. 

“Don’t ask me, I have no clue.” Burnie shrugs. “But, anyway...so J.J told me that he requested a gag article of you. If he gives you hell for it, let me know.”

“Um, alright.” Ryan nods once again, because he can’t think of what else to say or do.

“If he tries to give you crap about it, let me know and I’ll  _make_  him let you join the newspaper. You’ll definitely be a valuable member of the News Crew.”

“Thank you.”

“No, thank  _you_!” Burnie grins. “I thought nobody even paid attention to the paper that much anymore. But, it’s just my luck that  _the_  Ryan Haywood, the amazingly talented author, wants to join  _my_  paper!”

Ryan is blushing more now. “Burnie...”

“Sorry, sorry.” Burnie laughs. “Anyway, are you going to hang out with the News Crew after school today?”

“N-no,” Ryan shakes his head. “Plans.”

“Oh, alright.” Burnie shrugs. “Maybe some other time.”

“Sure.”

“Alright, well, have a good evening, see you in class tomorrow.”

“Yes.” Ryan waves and turns around to head out of the school. 

As he’s making his way to the exit, he passes the office. Arryn, Miles and Kerry are all three walking arm in arm towards room 5B, the News Room. Ryan watches as they unlink their arms and Miles and Kerry let Arryn go in first. She thanks them and promptly shuts the door in their faces. They knock urgently until giggling, she opens the door again for them. She lets them in, and as she’s about to shut the door, her blue eyes catch Ryan’s. 

Arryn shows a smile and a wave, Ryan returns the wave and she shuts the door. Ryan sighs, feeling a bit left out. But, he continues making his way out of the building. 

_____________________________

Geoff was waiting for Ryan when he exited the school. Michael and Barbara were walking off hand in hand down the front steps. Griffon and Jack were no where to be found. Ray flew out of the front doors of the school, running after Barbara and Michael. 

When the tattooed teen saw Ryan coming out of the school, he smiles and stands. “Ryan!” He waves excitedly. 

“Hello.” Ryan responds and finds himself being pulled into a hug, that makes every point that their bodies touch set on fire. Ryan groans and pushes himself out of Geoff’s arms. “Don’t.” He says firmly.

“Don’t?”

“Don’t.” Ryan repeats and folds his arms. “No hugs, not yet.”

“I’m sorry, dude.” Geoff runs a nervous hand over his raven hair. “I got a bit carried away.”

“Touch burns.” Ryan is embarrassed by his short child-like sentences. “I...can try to get used to it but-”

“It’s alright.” Geoff laughs. “You’re not the only person who told me they needed space. I’m a super cuddly guy, it can be annoying for some people.”

Ryan looks at his feet. 

“Ready to go?” Geoff asks. 

“W-where are we going?”

“Dunno,” Geoff shrugs. “You’re new to town pretty much, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Have you been to the diner?”

“Diner?” Ryan thinks for a second then shakes his head.

“Oh, it’s really awesome!” Geoff says. “It’s called ‘Molly’s Diner’ and it’s kinda right next to the movie theater and-”

“Wait...I’ve been there!” Ryan is unaware that he’s let himself smile. “My Mimi took me there when I’d first came into town. The food was good and...and...” Ryan realizes that he’s talking and he slowly silences himself, feeling embarrassed. He doesn’t know why he feels embarrassed for  _actually_  being able to talk. He’s momentarily upset for having such conflicted feelings about his speech and smiling habits. 

“Why’d you stop talking?”

“I...can’t do this...” Ryan shakes his head and starts walking down the front steps of the school. Geoff walks after him. 

“Ryan,” Geoff follows closely. “Ryan!”

_____________________________

Gavin entered the house, Sam at his heels. The blonde was actually surprised to see the twins’ caretaker was here today, and their father was gone still. He’d actually managed to get to work today. The two brothers greeted the caretaker and the twins. 

Sam leaned over the children’s shoulders to see what homework they were working on, and instantly, Gavin became invisible again. The caretaker had never met Sam before, so she beamed about how much he looked like his father, and how much she’d heard about him. Sam just blushed and talked to her modestly. And, like everyone else who meets Sam, she loved him instantly. 

With a sigh, Gavin turned to make his way up the stairs, not without catching a second of eye contact with Sam. With that, Sam excuses himself from the caretaker and follows Gavin upstairs. “Hey,” Sam says once they reach the top. 

“You could’ve stayed and talked to her, I don’t care.”

“I didn’t say you cared, Gav.” Sam rolls his eyes. “So bloody defensive.”

“Well, I-”

“Put your defensiveness to good use.”

“What do you mean?”

“Xbox,” Sam opens Gavin’s bedroom door and goes over to the game console and turns it on. “C’mon.”

“Ugh,” Gavin tries not to smile.

_____________________________

Ryan sat across from Geoff in the diner. They were sitting in a booth, Geoff had been doing most of the talking. Mostly things about him wanting to get a job for the November - December holiday season. Ryan had been thinking about getting a job as well. Not that he really  _needed_  money right now, but he knew saving in advance would be good...something he should look into doing. He didn’t say too much about it though. 

He was still embarrassed about the way he was acting previously. He had panicked a bit and tried to run out on Geoff. He couldn’t really explain why he’d done it. He’d just felt really overwhelmed. Geoff had calmed him down though. Repeating the same word over and over again:  _breathe_.

Ryan had sunken down onto the sidewalk, his hands clinging to his hair and his breathing was sporadic and he felt like his mind was racing too quickly or him to slow down anything. His body, or the outside world. 

He’d already told Geoff he didn’t want to be touched, but Geoff had thrown that out the window and gripped Ryan’s shoulders anyway. As Ryan sat on the sidewalk, and Geoff held his shoulders, constantly reminding him to breathe...Ryan felt it. He felt the world slow down. Underneath Geoff’s touch was the burn. The burn that usually repelled him from getting physically close to anyone. 

But now, the burn had helped him slow down. He'd been moving too fast, feeling like the world was a treadmill set to the highest speed and he was running on it trying not to slip off. 

The burn was what reminded him that he wasn’t going fast. That the world wasn’t far ahead of him and out of his reach. He wasn’t going to go slip off the ground into the air at any second. It was like Geoff’s touch was an anchor. 

Now, though, sitting across from Geoff at the diner, Ryan still felt strange. He had been feeling off all day. The dream, the delayed disorientation, the not seeing Gavin, the eating outside with the theater kids...and Blaine, the not going straight home after school, the being here with Geoff. 

The older male was still talking, Ryan wasn’t listening. He’d tuned him out. Tuning him back in however, he realized that Geoff had just asked him a question.

“What?” Ryan raises an eyebrow.

“I asked you if there was anything about me you’d like to know?” Geoff asks again. Ryan is caught off guard by the sudden invitation. Geoff seemed to notice Ryan’s surprised expression. "Well, we're getting to know each other, right? That’s why I asked to hang out today. So, I figured that you might want to ask me things." 

Ryan went for something basic. “Where are you from?”

"I'm from Alabama." Geoff answers with a smile on his face. “For some reason, people seem surprised when I say that. Everyone just assumes that I’m from Texas.”

Ryan nodded, accepting the information, he wasn’t sure what to say or do. Geoff filled in the silence.

“You’re from Georgia, right?” Geoff asks. “I’d heard rumors about it, dunno if it’s true or not.”

“Rumors?” Ryan looks confused, but then remembers hearing everyone murmuring about him in the halls all the time when he first arrived. Lately, the whispering and such has gone down. Either that, or he didn’t notice anymore. The most he gets now are just people giving him ‘looks’ as he roamed the halls. 

“Yeah, rumors.” Geoff responds.

“It’s true, I’m from Georgia.” Ryan nods. 

"You don't sound as Georgian as I thought you would. When I heard people saying you were from there, I assumed you were like...ya know.  _Southern_." 

"I used to...kind of have a drawl, if that’s what you mean." Ryan finds the words a bit willing to come out. Talking to Geoff was  _easy_ , maybe too easy. 

“Really?” Geoff beams. “Lemme hear it!”

“N-no.” Ryan felt his face heat up. 

“Dude!”

“No...”

“Ryan!”

“I...can’t.” Ryan shakes his head. He hadn’t even done it for Gavin. In fact, he hoped Gavin never heard it. The drawl made him feel silly and somewhere down the line he’d made himself unlearn it. 

“Fine, fine.” Geoff sighs but then perks up automatically again. “So, have anymore questions?”

“How did you end up where you are today, Geoff?” 

Geoff’s eyes widen. “ _Fuck_ , dude.”

“Well?” Ryan raises an eyebrow, Geoff was still stunned. 

“That’s a heavy-ass question.” Geoff sinks into the cushioned seat of the booth. “My parents were a loving couple, met in high school. Got married right after graduation. Had me.”

“Uh-huh.” Ryan nods.

“Things were great, real great for a while.” Geoff sighs. “Cancer killed my father, Mom and I were reasonably devastated.” 

“I’m...sorry.” Ryan frowned and Geoff flicked his chin upward in recognition. 

“Thanks, uh...” Geoff sits back up a bit. “Mom started drinking, I started drinking. She remarried some dude with two asshole kids.”

Ryan kept his frown. 

“He said ‘we’re moving to Texas’ one day and Mom just didn’t want him to leave her, so she agreed. We moved to Texas like...three years ago. That’s when I met Griffon, fell in love  _hard_. Been with her ever since. Met the rest of the gang. Fell in friend with them  _hard_.” Geoff started smiling, Ryan didn’t know it, but he was smiling too. “Met Gavin this year, fell in friend with him hard and your ass, too. I’m falling in friend with you as we speak.”

Ryan now knew he was grinning because his face was starting to hurt. He put a hand over his mouth. 

“Um...oh!” Geoff looks like he remembered something. “The two asshole kids my stepfather has, they moved out within the past three years of moving here. Now it’s just me, stepdad and Mom. The guy isn’t  _horrible_ , but I just...don’t feel too comfortable with him.”

Ryan took a deep breath and shifted a bit in his seat. 

“So, ready to order food?” Geoff asks, motioning to the diner. “We’ve been sitting here for a while. I’ve worked up an appetite.”

Ryan nods. “Um, before we order, can I call Mimi again?”

“Dude, you don’t need my permission. Be my guest.”

Ryan thanks him before pulling out his phone. He’d called Mimi earlier, after Geoff had calmed him down. The younger male knew that by this time, Paul and the other farmworkers were probably gone, and that meant Mimi was alone. That made Ryan nervous so he wanted to check on her every half hour. 

Of course, she was fine when she answered the phone. Mimi tells Ryan not to worry so much, and that she was just about to take a nap. 

When Ryan gets off the phone, Geoff is smiling fondly at him. Ryan knits his eyebrows together. 

“What?" Ryan asks, Geoff simply shrugs, and continues smiling. “Seriously, what?”

“I’m just really happy for Gavin,” Geoff says. “I heard the way his last boyfriend treated him, and I’m just happy that someone like you happened to him.”

“Happened to him?” Ryan repeats as Geoff flags down the person who will take their orders. 

“People don’t just come to you, Ryan.” Geoff nods. “You just happen to meet someone and they turn out to be the best damn person in the world. And, if they happen to you, that’s when you better hold on tight because those kinds of people are so easily lost.”

_____________________________

Ryan had eaten with Geoff and made his way home, Geoff walked most of the way with him before departing down another street. Geoff lived closer to the farm than Gavin did, which Ryan was surprised about. He’d figured that Geoff lived on the other side of town, but he didn’t. When they parted ways, Geoff said he’d see Ryan tomorrow, and he had fun getting to know him a little better. 

Ryan had felt a little guilty. He’d talked as much as he could, but it still wasn’t a lot. Not like how he talks to Gavin at all. The tawny haired boy couldn’t figure how Geoff learned much about him at all, which was the whole point of them hanging out. 

But, Geoff insisted that he knew Ryan a lot better than he did before, and he’d had a good time. Ryan had also enjoyed himself, he felt fairly comfortable around Geoff. 

Really though, Ryan was excited to get home so he could talk to Gavin. He had been longing to hear his Gavin’s voice all day. 

As he entered the farmhouse, he made a beeline to Mimi’s room. She was in bed, she said she would be. The older woman had been sleeping a lot more than normal. Ryan wasn’t sure what that meant, but he was sure that it meant  _something_. 

She was also staying home more often than usual. Ryan remembers, around when he’d first arrived, Mimi couldn’t stand staying in the house all day. He’d come home from school to see a note saying she’d gone out to walk around Main Street, or to the public library. It was rare, but sometimes he could find her at the barn petting the pigs or the cows. 

But now, she stayed in unless she really had to go out. And slept every chance she got. Maybe she was just working on getting better. 

After checking to make sure she was alright, Ryan went upstairs to prepare to talk to Gavin.

_____________________________

 

> Ryan: Hey, are you home?
> 
> Gavin: Just got home
> 
> Ryan: I wanna ask you how your day was with Sam, can I call?
> 
> Gavin: I’ll call you in a minute, hold on
> 
> Ryan: Alright :)

 

Ryan sat his phone on his desk, patiently waiting for it to ring. When it did, he excitedly picked up the phone. 

“Gav!” Ryan beamed.

“Hey,” Gavin sounded not as excited as Ryan, but he was definitely happy to talk to him. “I missed you like damn crazy today, never let my brother kidnap me again.”

“But...you told me to.” Ryan gave a small laugh that was tiny and innocent enough to make Gavin break out into a smile as well. 

“I know, I know.”

“Tell me what you did with Sam.”

“No, you tell me about your day first.” Gavin was sitting in the living room to talk to Ryan. He never did this, because he liked to be hidden away when he talked to Ryan. Also, because if his father overheard him now, he’d be upset because Gavin was still supposed to be grounded. 

“Um, alright.” Ryan was sitting on the floor by his desk. He was wedged between the desk and the wall. He felt like being tiny right now, and being in the tight space made him feel the tiniest. It was strange, but he was comfortable. “I missed you all day.”

“I know, love.” Gavin said softly. “Tell me what you did though.”

“Morning was boring, it was lame and lonely walking to school without you.” Ryan says. “Nothing exciting happened at school until lunch. Geoff invited me out with him after school, and J.J came and asked me to eat with him and the theater kids outside.”

“Did you go with J.J?”

“Yeah.” Ryan nodded. “It was so much fun, they were doing improv scenes the entire time with prompts and everything!”

“Sounds like your kind of fun.”

“Does it?” Ryan asks. “It doesn’t seem like something I’d be into...in my opinion. A lot of people, noise and socializing.”

“No, I mean...you like to have a moment to be someone else for a while, like with the masks. You like to play pretend.”

“Well...it sounds childish when you say it like that.”

“Oh, but it is.” Gavin smiles. “In the best kind of way.”

“Um...ok then.”

“What else happened?”

“I found out that J.J and Blaine like each other, at least I think so. I think they aren’t together because they’re scared, though.”

“Aw,” Gavin frowns a bit. “Scared of what?”

“Themselves.”

“Deep.”

“Yup.”

“What else, Ry?”

“Um...nothing crazy during the rest of the school day.” Ryan shrugs. “My last class gave us a free hour to spend in the library ‘researching’ and working on our papers.”

“Oh, alright.”

“I talked to Michael a little, then worked on the gag article.”

“Ry, damn it.” Gavin rolled his eyes. “You don’t have a computer at home so you have to spend your time in the library  _wisely_.”

“I can look stuff up on my phone.” Ryan retorts. “Also, I can hand write my papers and then spend like an hour or less in the library typing it up later.”

“Ugh, you’re so stuck in the past.”

“This is how I like to do things,” Ryan says. “It works fine for me.”

“Remind me to bring you the spare laptop tomorrow.”

“Hell no.”

“Hell  _yes_ , Ry.” Gavin shakes his head. “We have to put an end to this whole ‘Ryan living in the past’ thing.”

“I seriously don’t see why you insist that I have a computer.”

“You’re a writer, use it to type. It’s soooo much faster than writing.” Gavin offers. “Also, it’ll be easier to read than handwriting.”

“I guess...”

“Trust me, it’ll be great.” Gavin says. “And there are a  _million_ other things to use it for.”

“Give me an example.”

“Watch movies.”

“I do that with Mimi on the TV.”

“Those movies are so  _lame_ , and you don’t have cable. You only have like five channels on the TV.”

“Seven, one is in Spanish though.” Ryan informs him. “Also, some of the movies are cool!”

“I won’t deny you that truth, but Ryan...love, you need technology.”

“I have my phone.”

“What made you get a  _smart phone_  anyway?” Gavin asks. “I feel like you would’ve been just as pleased with a regular phone. You don’t even have any apps.”

“My phone came with pages of them. I didn’t even have to download them myself.”

“Have you ever downloaded an app?”

“I downloaded the dictionary, Wikipedia, and a flashlight app.”

“Boring.”

“Also, I got a smart phone so I could google stuff and watch informative videos on Youtube.” Ryan shrugs. “You know what I just realized though?”

“What?”

“Well, we weren’t using our phones as cameras. We could’ve been taking pictures of us forever ago.”

“Wow, we’re right idiots aren’t we?”

“Yes.”

“Eh, I like our polaroid better though.”

“Same,” Ryan agrees. “We’re still fucking dumb though.”

“Yeah, we are.” Gavin laughs. “Finish telling me about your day.”

“Oh, yeah.” Ryan clears his throat. “So, I met Geoff on the front steps, then we left the school. Geoff and I went to Main Street and he took me to a diner.”

“Did Geoff just take my bloody boyfriend on a date?”

Ryan laughed. “No, Gav.”

“I’ll have to kick his ass, Ryan.” Gavin says, it’s clear he’s joking though. Still, he likes making Ryan laugh. 

“It wasn’t a date.” Ryan continues the story. “Anyway, he took me to ‘Molly’s Diner’ and we talked for a while. Told the waiter to hold off taking our food orders because we weren’t really that hungry at first. I found out a lot about Geoff.”

“Aw, good Ry.” Gavin smiles, but then it hits him. “Wait, wait! You said you guys talked for a while?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Did you talk to Geoff, or did you  _talk_  to Geoff?”

“Uh...between the two?” Ryan’s response sounds like a question. “I mean, I did say stuff...I felt more comfortable doing so because we were alone. Sometimes the group can make it harder for me...but I said stuff and I was happy.”

“Did you smile?”

“Tried not to, did though.”

“You talked to Geoff, I’m so happy! And you smiled!”

“Um,” Ryan blushed. “Thank you.”

“No, you don’t understand. I am  _so proud_  of you, Ryan!”

“St-stop...” Ryan blushed harder. 

“Sorry, sorry.” Gavin stops with the compliments, he knows Ryan doesn’t like it. “What else happened?”

“Um, Geoff told me that he was booked up for the rest of this month as far as interviews for his project goes. But he wants to take me next month.”

“Ok, good.”

“Yeah, and...uh, what else...?” Ryan tries to think of other things to mention. 

“Did he kiss you?” Gavin teased. “At the end of your date.”

Ryan didn’t respond, he was sat on the other end of the phone frowning disapprovingly at Gavin’s taunting. 

“Ok, sorry.” Gavin was still smiling though. “I’m still super happy about all of this. You’re getting so much better.”

“I guess...”

“No, you are!”

“I...dunno.” 

“Why don’t you know, Ry?” Gavin laid on his side, stretching his body out along the sofa. “You don’t feel like you’re improving?”

“It’s not that.” Ryan says. “I  _know_  I’m better than I used to be.”

“You are.” Gavin confirms. 

“But,” Ryan shrugs. “I feel like...I don’t know  _why_  I can’t talk.”

“Oh, well...” Gavin frowns. “Have you ever known?”

“No.”

“Then, why is it so troubling now?”

“Before,” Ryan begins. “It felt like I was just literally unable to speak.”

“Yeah?”

“But now, it feels like I  _could_  talk.” Ryan states. “It feels like I really could, especially when I want to. Yet...it feels like I have to push really hard to get the words out. And, sometimes, pushing doesn’t help.”

“Like you’re word-constipated?”

“I mean...to illustrate it sure.” Ryan rolled his eyes. Gavin was always so charming. “It feels almost fixable though. Like there’s a wall I have to knock down, and then I’ll be home free.”

“Alright,” Gavin perks up. “So where is this wall, and how do we knock it down?”

“It’s like in my mind palace,” Ryan says. “But it’s in a room that’s locked away and I can get to it.”

“Did you just use the mind palace thing?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s so...” Gavin starts but doesn’t finish that sentence.

“I wish I knew how to unlock that place in my brain and just...fix myself.”

“Ryan,” Gavin’s eyebrows come together. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Gavin, you’re my boyfriend now.”

“Yeah, so?”

“You don’t have to lie to me anymore.” Ryan tells him. “I can handle the truth...not that I couldn’t before. But, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say things just to make me feel better.”

“I feel like fucking marching down to the farm and dumping all the heist cookies on the floor and stomping on them.”

Ryan literally  _whimpered_  at the idea. “What? Why? Gavin...no.”

“Because!” Gavin rose his voice a bit. “You think I’m bloody lying to you! I love you, and I think you’re absolutely perfect...”

“But-”

“No buts, I think you’re perfect.” Gavin says. “I thought you were  _before_  we were dating. I thought that before we were even good friends.”

“How could you think that?”

“Because it’s true.”

“But...I can’t even talk sometimes and I’m almost literally afraid for anyone to see me smile.”

“People who don’t talk as much, are usually great listeners.”

“So?”

“You’re impossible.”

“Sorry.”

“Well... it’s not alright. But, it’s not a problem either.” Gavin smiles. “If you were possible, you wouldn’t be my Ry.”

“That’s true.” Ryan smiles too.

“Did you do anything else today?” Gavin asks. 

“Talked to my boyfriend.” Ryan grins through the word ‘boyfriend’. It still feels funny on his lips, but he loves the sound of it. Gavin was  _his_. Finally. 

“Aren’t you cute?”

“Um,” Once again, Ryan was pink. 

“The answer is yes.”

“C-can I tell you something?”

“Sure.”

“When we were at the beach...”

Gavin blushed too, remembering the feeling of first kissing Ryan. “Yeah?”

“And, after we kissed...” Ryan hesitated for a few beats, then carried on. “I realized something.”

“What’d you realize?”

“You’re kind of...really hot.”

Gavin’s mouth dropped open before he bit his lip and rolled onto his back. He emitted a giddy shriek, high pitched enough to make Ryan want to pull his phone away from his ear. But, it stopped almost as soon as it started. “ _Ryan_!”

“Why are you screaming?”

“I don’t know if I should be offended or not.”

“But, why would you be?”

“You  _just_  discovered that I was attractive, we’ve been knowing each other for a bloody while, haven’t we?”

“Yeah...”

“And it took you forever to even... _look_  at me.”

“I’ve always looked at you.”

“Ryan,” Gavin’s voice had a tone that Ryan had never heard him with before. “I mean... _looked_  at me.”

“Oh...” Ryan thinks he understands now. “Well, yeah.”

“You’re so innocent.” Gavin giggles. “I should be ashamed for corrupting you.”

“You’re not corrupting me.” Ryan shakes his head, then thinks of something. “Do you think...I’m hot?”

If Gavin’s face wasn’t burning moments ago, it was definitely on fire now. “I do.”

“Since when?”

“I can’t think...of the first time I thought so.” Gavin says. “I’ve always known you were good looking. But... _hot_ , hm...” He thinks. “It must’ve been when we first worked in the farm.”

“You really like me after working on the farm.” Ryan crinkles his nose. “When I’m all gross.”

“Eh, I’m simply a man.”

“Right.” Ryan scoffs teasingly. “Sure.”

“Jeeze, Ry.” Gavin wipes a hand over his face. “I don’t know why I’m surprised, but I really didn’t think that you ever even thought about sex or anything.”

“I don’t really.” Ryan admits. “I mean...I know it’s a  _thing_. But it’s not a daily thought of mine.”

“Do you...?” Gavin’s voice trailed off. Ryan sat silently, waiting for the question. 

“Do I what?”

“You know...”

“I don’t know.”

“Ugh, you’re going to make me say it?”

“Well...I can’t answer you if I don’t know what it is.”

“Do you...self service?” Gavin drops his phone to his chest to briefly put both hands on his face and groan at his own question. He picked the device up again just in time to hear Ryan finishing a round of hysteric laughter. 

When Ryan finally stops laughing, he gives his response to Gavin’s question. “Well, yeah.” Ryan shrugs. “Not often, if at all though. Only when it becomes too distracting.”

“When it becomes  _distracting_?”

“Like...if it won’t go away on its on.”

“You make it sound like a chore, like something you don’t want to do.”

“There’s just no point in doing it.”

“Goodbye, Ryan.” Gavin dismisses him.

“Haha, wait no! Don’t leave me.” Ryan laughs. 

“I don’t understand you sometimes.” Gavin shakes his head. “Sometimes, you’re so logical...then other times you’re a complete dope.”

“I’m your dope.”

“I suppose fate would only give me the dopiest.”

“Um...can we stop talking about  _that kind_  of stuff now?”

“Oh...I’m sorry Ryan.” Gavin says. 

“Huh?” Ryan is confused by Gavin’s apologetic tone. “You’re sorry, for what?”

“If I made you uncomfortable.” Gavin frowns. “Like you said, you’re not that...active in the way and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or-”

“Oh, no. I’m not uncomfortable.” Ryan smiles. “It’s fine. I just...got shy all of a sudden.”

“You sure?” Gavin checks on his Ry.

“Yup,” Ryan nods, then he hears a loud clap.

“Ok!” Gavin speaks up. “New topic!”

“Alright.” Ryan is ready to talk about something else as well.

“So is that all you did today?”

“Yeah.” Ryan confirms. “Tell me about you and Sam now?”

“Well...” Gavin sighs. “We both cried...and yelled at each other.”

“Did it resolve anything?”

“I know why Sam just...left me...and why he didn’t do anything about my father.”

“Will you tell me why?”

“This really isn’t the kind of thing I want to tell you over the phone.”

“Oh...”

“I’d like to know that if I fell apart right now, that you’d be there to put me back together.”

“I could come over...” Ryan offers. 

“Mimi, though.”

“That’s...right, I should be here incase...yeah.”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I said don’t worry about it.” Gavin exhales a long hum. 

“Are you and Sam on better terms?”

“Better? Sure.  _Good_  terms, though? Eh, kind of.” Gavin shrugs. “He knows more about you, we talked about you for a while while we road around the other towns and things. We took a  _long_  drive.”

“Did you talk about anything besides me?”

“We talked about his schooling, his plans for after he graduates...we just caught up, basically.”

“Did he say how he felt about leaving you with your dad again tomorrow?”

“He...” Gavin bites his lip and takes a pause before finishing the sentence. “He feels so guilty, Ry.”

“Of course he does, he loves you Gavin.”

“He said he felt so guilty he could barely stand to talk to me when we were apart before.” Gavin covers his hand flat over his eyes. “Sam says now that he knows... that I know  _why_  he did what he did...that he feels even worse.”

“I’m sorry, Gavin.”

“I know you are, love.” Gavin takes his hand from his eyes. “That’s what keeps me going sometimes.”

This makes Ryan smile. “Really?”

“Really.” Gavin nods. “Sam says that we’re definitely going to talk more when he leaves, though.”

“Good.”

“Maybe when-” Gavin stops talking, and Ryan hears someone in the background. The voice is deep and Ryan is nearly 100% sure it’s his father. “Sorry,” Gavin responds to the voice. 

“Gav?” Ryan frowns at the sudden fear in Gavin’s voice. 

“Dad, I-” Gavin stops to listen to his father again. “Hey,” Ryan can tell by Gavin’s tone that he’s talking to him again. 

“Yeah?”

“Can my dad talk to you for a moment?”

“W-what?”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

“Um...” Ryan doesn’t want to sound like he’s afraid of Gavin’s father, but he is. “Ok.”

“It’s going to be alright.” Gavin spoke gently and soothingly to Ryan, but his father had no patience for all of the sweet talk.

“Ugh, sod off with all the romance.” The man spat. “Just give me the bloody mobile.”

“Ok, ok.” Gavin hands the phone over, curious as to what the man was going to say to Ryan.

“Ryan,” The man spoke in a firm tone, but he didn’t sound cross.

“Y-yes?”

“My name is David Free, I’m Gavin’s father.”

“I know.” Ryan replies automatically, regretting it right after he’s said it. He hopes he doesn’t sound rude. 

“I’m sure you know lots of things.” David responds with a dark chuckle. As if he suspects Ryan of knowing this he probably shouldn’t know. “Anyway, my oldest, Samuel....”

“Yeah?”

“He’s leaving tomorrow night.” The man says. “I have a meeting at the time he needs to leave.”

“Alright?” Ryan doesn’t know where the man is going with this.

“I am aware that you have a lovely car,” David states. “Might you give him a lift to the airport? Around 7PM?”

“Oh...” Ryan runs tomorrow’s schedule over in his head. He doesn’t have anything to do. But, he’d have to make sure Mimi was alright before leaving her alone for that time. “Sure.”

“Mean it?” The man asks, his tone sounds far lighter and happier than Ryan thought he’d be capable of sounding. 

“Yes, sir.” Ryan nods and he hears the man chuckling again.

“Brilliant, cheers.” David’s blue eyes flicker up to Gavin, who’s looking at his father quizzically. His father knew several other people, why would he turn to Ryan for help with this?

Ryan had heard Gavin say ‘cheers’ in place of ‘thank you’ often, so he knew how to respond to it. “You’re welcome.”

“Alright, here’s Gav.” Mr. Free pat Gavin’s head before getting up from the couch and leaving the living room. 

Gavin waits until his father has gone back upstairs and into his room before speaking again. “Holy fuck.” Gavin curses. 

“Your dad just asked  _me_  for  _help_?” Ryan asks as if he can’t believe it.

“Holy bloody...Ryan!” 

“What?”

“I think he  _likes_  you!” Gavin chirps. 

“What the hell makes you say that?”

“He treats Sam like his prized possession.” Gavin informs him. “If he trusts you enough to transport his beloved Samuel, then you’re on his good side!”

“But, your dad doesn’t even know me...”

“It’s a far stretch, but maybe he’s also fond of you because you make me happy?” Gavin guesses. “It’s probably not that, but it’d be nice if he cared about that.”

“I care about that.”

“I know you do.” Gavin smiles. “So, tomorrow?”

“What about it?”

“Do you wanna drive to school, then come to my house right after and hang out with us until it’s time to take Sammy to the airport?”

“Uh...” Ryan thinks. “I’d rather go home and check on Mimi.”

“Oh,” Gavin’s a bit disappointed. “Alright, that makes sense.”

“Sorry,” Ryan could tell Gavin had lost a bit of the wind in his sails. “Maybe I could just call and check on her periodically like I did today...or-”

“No, whatever makes you the most comfortable.” 

“You know you’re important to me too, right?” Ryan’s eyebrows knit together. Gavin laughs. 

“You make it sound like you think I’m bloody competing with your grandmother for your attention.” Gavin says, his smile fades a bit as he wonders if there’s any truth behind what he’d just said. Ryan doesn’t catch that though. “Ryan, of course I know I’m important to you, you’re important to me too.”

“That’s how I want it to stay.” Ryan says, his words sound heavy for the moment. Lots of meaning behind them, and it made Gavin silent. “Gav,”

“Hm?”

“I’m gonna go shower, ok?”

“Alright.”

“Should I call back after?”

“If you want.”

“Well, if I don’t call after my shower, do you want me to call you to tell you goodnight before I go to bed?”

“Call or text me goodnight, either would be fine.” Gavin sits up on the couch, not quite ready to stand and head upstairs yet. It wasn’t too late. He could fit in a conversation or another few games with Sam. They’d have to be quiet because their father was undoubtedly in bed already.

“Um, ok then.” Ryan sighs, he suddenly feels a bit strange. Maybe it’s the lonely feeling of losing Gavin’s voice settling in early. 

“Bye, Ry.” Gavin says gently, his heart picks up speed. 

“Bye, Gavin.”

_____________________________

That night, when Sam went to talk to his father. He knew that it was cheating to talk to his dad while the man was drinking. It was taking the easy way out, and again...Sam knew that he was being a coward. But, it wasn’t exactly his fault. His father was almost always drunk, so approaching him when he wasn’t required expert timing. 

The man was sitting in the living room when Sam approached. David glanced at his son when he sat in the armchair to the side of him. 

“Hey, lad.” The man grinned from behind his glass. 

“Hi, Dad.” Sam nods.

“Want a drink?” 

“N-no, I’m here to talk actually.” Sam glances at the bottle in front of his father. 

“About?” David rose an eye. 

“Gavin.” Sam eyed his father, watching the visible uncomfortable twitch that crossed his father’s face at the mention of Gavin’s name. 

“Well,” The ice in the glass clinked around as he brought the drink shakily to his lips. “What about him?”

Sam bit his bottom lip nervously. “Do you...hate him?”

David’s eyes flicker to Sam then into his glass. “Hate?” 

“Yeah...” Sam nods. “Do you hate him?”

“Gavin is my son.” The man shakes his head. “I could never hate him. I love all of you.”

“Then...why do you-”

“I get so angry with him. It’s like I can’t control it.” His father shakes his head, his voice sounds choked. “Just  _looking_  at him makes me angry. It reminds me of...”

“Of what?” Sam’s palms are sweating, he can’t seem to get comfortable in his seat. He’s sitting with his elbows on his legs and his hands laced together. 

“I can’t stand it, Sammy.” David held his glass tightly. “I...when...when I look at Gavin...all I see is you, Julie.” The man’s eyes drift up to the family portrait up above the mantel. “He looks just like you, even though you swear he looks like me...it’s not true at all. He has your eyes, your hair.” The man chuckles. “He has my damn nose for sure...but other than that, he’s all you.”

David feels his eyes prickle with tears. “Everything about Gavin reminds me of you and every time I look at him, it hurts me.” He shakes his head. “I don’t mean to be so cruel to him...but the anger I feel inside when I realize that you’re not here, and I’m only looking at what you left behind...”

He chuckles ruefully. “That’s the thing, though. Sometimes he only  _looks_  like you.” He wipes his eyes with the back of his hand. “He looks like you, but he’s stubborn like me.” He brings the glass to his lips again. “But, Samuel...he reminds me of you. How you act I mean.” With his other hand, he wipes his eyes. “Sammy has your eyes, but he also has your spirit. The independence and the motivation to go do great things.” 

The man sighs. “Gavin has your kindness though, and your patience. Your damn good cooking.” He chuckles in a happier way this time, it’s like he’s forgotten that Sam was even there. “He loves to cook, Julie. You remember that? He was your little shadow in the kitchen.”

He refills his glass again, Sam wants to stop him. But, that might ruin his father’s chance of finishing what he has to say about Gavin. Sam watches as his father brings the glass to his lips again. “I’d always come in to take Gavin out back with me and Sammy to play, and you’d say ‘David! Gav is about to make a culinary masterpiece. He’ll be outside in a minute!’ and I’d just...kiss you both and wait until you two joined Sammy and I outside.”

His lower lip trembles. “I fucked up, Julie.” He curses, vision blurring with drunkenness and tears. “I messed up so bad.”

He set the empty glass down on the coffee table, a new ring will have formed under it by morning. Rolling onto his side, David clutches a pillow to his chest and goes quiet with tears still leaving trails on his face. 

Sam is left staring at his father, curled up into fetal position. He doesn’t look towering or menacing. He looks like a child who has lost a fight. He looks like a crumpled piece of paper tossed into the waste basket.

With a sigh, Samuel gets up from his seat and picks up the blanket folded up on the other end of the sofa. He unfolds it and throws it over his father, the most comforting thing that he can think to do. 

The man stirs when this happens, Sam guesses that he’s still awake. 

“Dad?”

“W’do you want?” David slurs his response. 

“I...know that it hurts you, that Mum is gone.” Sam speaks slowly, hoping it’ll help his father’s drunk brain understand better. “It hurts all of us...but, I really want you to think about Gavin, right now. Really fucking  _think_  about how he felt then, how he feels now. The kid had just lost his damn mum, and the next thing he knows, his father is hitting him, cursing at him. Sending him to bed without dinner for trying to defend himself.” 

David only grunts in response. 

“Gavin  _loves_  you, after all of that. Wanna know why?” Sam asks, his father doesn’t say anything. “Because even through all of that, Gavin knows you’re hurting. He knows you’re trying.  _Barely trying_ , it seems. But, he knows none of this is easy for you. So he respects that, and he continues to respect you.”

Again, only a grunt. 

“I wish I could tell you this when you’re sober...so you’ll remember what I’ve said.”

“Leave me...leave me alone, Gavin.” Is the response.

“I’m Sam, Dad.”

“I can tell, b’cause you don’t s-sound like a whiney prick.” 

Sam glares at the lump under the blanket, who is currently his father. “Good night.” Is all he can say without going off. 

“Sam...wait.” The man’s voice sounds like he might be about to apologize or something, so Sam halts. 

“Yeah?”

“If I ever hear you curse at me again, I’ll kick your bloody arse. Don’t think I won’t.” He threatened, but in a gentle voice like he’s warning a child not to run with scissors.

David’s threaten to hurt Sam before, he’s never taken any action on it. Sam almost wishes he had, because he doesn’t want to feel so unrightfully favored by his father anymore.

But, Sam doesn’t say anything, as usual. He just leaves to talk to Gavin. 

_____________________________

Sam knocks on Gavin’s door, the younger brother says he can come in, so he does. Gavin is sitting on his bed with his sketch book. He’s sketching an image of a hand, it’s incredibly detailed. Sam’s always heard that hands are hardest to get the hang of drawing, but Gavin’s drawing looks incredibly realistic. 

“Hey,” Gavin looks up for a moment.

“Hi...” Sam closes the door behind him. “Hand?” Sam points. Gavin looks up at him, picks up his cellphone and shows him a picture of the hand he’s recreating on the paper. 

“Ryan’s hand.” Gavin nods. “I asked him to send me a picture of his hand and he was so confused.” Gavin laughs, Sam does too but his is halfheartedly delivered. 

The older brother sits on the floor near the bed, Gavin raises an eyebrow at him. Sam’s vibe is off, he knows something is going on.

“Something up?” Gavin returns his eyes to the sketchbook. 

“Talked to Dad.”

Gavin freezes for a moment, then clears his throat. “What...uh...did he say?”

“You look like Mum, have her kind spirit and everything.” Sam avoids Gavin’s eyes. “It seems like he feels as though you’re mocking him by being here instead of her. Like it’s all some cruel sick joke.”

“So it’s my fault that I’m here? Would he prefer that I wasn’t?” Gavin’s face darkens.

“Gav...no.” Sam shakes his head. “Dad says he loves you.”

“He’s says a lot of things.”

“When he says horrible things to you...he doesn’t mean it.”

“Sam, can you leave please?”Gavin suddenly finds it difficult to breath, like Sam’s presence is drowning him. 

“We need to talk about this. Please don’t make me leave.”

“Leave.” Gavin shakes his head. “There is absolutely nothing to talk about. You threw me under the bus to save your ass, Dad can’t stand me because I’m not who he wishes I was...which is oddly enough his wife and  _wow_  that sounds wrong. Bad wording there, but...you know what I meant.” 

Sam looks down at his feet. “I’m sorry.”

“Are you apologizing for what you’ve done or Dad? Either way I am in no mood to hear it.”

“Gav-”

“This just...really sucks and I have nothing to say and I just wish Ryan was here, or I was with him. That’s all I want right now.”

“So I can’t comfort you?”

“Not how I need it.” Gavin shakes his head, out of the corner of his eye he sees Sam’s expression change. “I don’t mean sex, if that’s what you’re thinking. Ryan and I don’t do that. What I mean by comforting....it’s just how I feel when I’m with him. It’s hard to explain, but it’s the only thing I need right now.” 

“So you want me to leave then?”

“Please?” Gavin sighs. “It’s nothing personal.”

“Right.” Sam stands up. 

“Thanks for telling me what Dad said.”

“Do you really mean that?” Sam raises a brow. “Are you even satisfied now that you know his reasoning?”

“I thought it would be something that I can actually fix.” Gavin looks up at him holding out his arm, pulling at the taut skin with his other hand. “ _This_ , my flesh, my bones, my face, my hair.” Gavin’s voice cracks. “I can’t fix this, I can’t change this.”

“I guess not.”

“Sam, just leave. I’ve asked you kindly.” 

This time, he goes, closing the door behind him. All Gavin wants is to hear Ryan’s voice, but he can’t bring himself to call so he puts his sketchbook away, glancing at the other item he wants to bring Ryan tomorrow. 

He turns the light out and forces himself just to fall asleep so he can turn his brain off before he snaps.

_____________________________

Gavin was standing at the halfway point a bit early the next morning, and he felt happy. His hair was wet from his shower, and combed into place. Still, it’d be all over his head once it dries. He saw other students passing by on foot, in cars. Gavin waved at some of the people that he knew. 

He grinned when he saw Ryan approaching. Gavin was in an absolutely amazing mood. He couldn’t wait to share the good mood with Ryan. 

“Hello, Ry!” Gavin bounced in place once his boyfriend was standing in front of him. “Hold my hand, hold my hand!”

Ryan rose an eyebrow. “Are you alright?”

“I’m great!” Gavin reached down and tapped his fingertips to Ryan’s, the older males fingers automatically knew how to lace with the Brit’s. Their hands held, Gavin began swinging their arms. 

“Did you have coffee or something?” Ryan observed Gavin’s behavior. Something wasn’t right, but he gave Gavin the benefit of the doubt. Or rather, he  _tried_  to. “Like...did you have lots of sugar or caffeine?”

“No!” Gavin beamed. “Today feels wonderful!”

“Gavin,” Ryan started walking in the direction of the school, pulling his little blondie along with him. “You have to chill out, it’s way too early.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Ryan shakes his head. “Just...you’re kinda freaking me out.”

“Sorry.” Gavin apologized again. 

“Stop apologizing.”

“Ryan,” Gavin looks to his right at his boyfriend.

“Yeah?”

“What’d you do this morning?”

“Uh,” Ryan shrugs. “Woke up, finished my homework that I didn’t last night. Hygiene stuff. Made breakfast, ate with Mimi. The farmworkers arrived and I came here to you.”

“Aw,” Gavin smiles. “You’re such a great person, everything is great!”

“Something is  _not_  right with you.”

“Why is it that, when someone is  _really_  happy about something, people think something is wrong with them?”

“You don’t have a ‘something’ to be that excited about, do you?”

“I’m alive, I had a great morning, and I have a lovely boyfriend of whom I’m thrilled to see.” Gavin lists. “That good enough for you?”

“Hm,” Ryan leans over to peck Gavin’s cheek. “Depends.”

“On?”

“What’d you have for breakfast?” Ryan grins, holding Gavin’s hand tighter. Gavin doesn’t see what that had to do with anything, but he answers anyway. 

“Fruit salad.” Gavin responds. “Want to taste?” 

Ryan looks at Gavin’s smirk and rolls his eyes, pulling the hood of the Gavin’s lightweight jacket over the Brit’s head. “Shut up.” Ryan laughs. 

“Ry,” Gavin pulls the hood back down, a small smile on his face. “I brought you the laptop today, it’s in my backpack.”

“What?” Ryan looks confused, then the lightbulb turns on. “Ohhh, right. Well...I forgot about that. But, you shouldn’t have. I told you that I don’t want it.”

“You  _need_  it,” Gavin informs him. “Doctor’s orders.”

“That’s right, you’re going to be a doctor, yeah?”

“I want to...I think.”

“Then, I guess I’ll listen to you and let you give it to me. Since it’s prescribed and all,” Ryan rolls his eyes. “Dr. Free.”

Gavin can’t help but fidget giddily at that title. “Does it sound good?”

“Huh?”

“Dr. Free,” Gavin repeats. “Does it sound alright?”

“It sounds lovely.”

“Lovely?” Gavin raises a brow. “I’ll take it.”

_____________________________

Gavin and Ryan arrive at the front steps of the school and Gavin stops walking. Ryan turns his head to look at him. 

“Gav?” Ryan studies the Brit’s face, again, he knows something is off. Gavin’s bottom lip is wobbling and Ryan glances from left to right nervously. “Are you alright?”

“No,” Gavin shakes his head. “I can’t do this. I couldn’t stay at home either, but I can’t bloody do this Ry. I tried to pretend to be happy for you. I tried. But I can’t. Help me, please...help me.” His voice is barely above a whisper, but Ryan can  hear  the urgency. 

It reminds him of the dream he had, about the memory of his mother. When she reached out and begged Mimi to help her. Ryan’s heart hurts, he almost wants to panic. But, it wouldn’t do any good if both of them fell apart. He needed to be strong for Gavin....because...

What if Gavin leaves him? What if he loses him?

_No, please_. “What do you need?” Ryan lets go of Gavin’s hand and holds his face. “What do you need?” Gavin isn’t saying anything, he’s taking in and releasing sharp breaths. “Look at me.”

“Ry-”

“Look at me, baby, please.” Ryan speaks in the most soothing voice he has. Gavin’s eyes drift to him.  _Good, I can see him. He’s here. He’s still here._  “What do you need?”

“I can’t go to class...I can’t sit through-”

“I’m not asking what you don’t need, What do you need?”

“I...I just want to stay with you.” Gavin admits. “But it’s Wednesday, you like Wednesdays. You can’t stay with me.”

“I’ll stay with you.”

“But-”

“I know where we can go to be alone.”

“I don’t want to go off campus, Ry. I want to at least be here incase I wise up and want to go to class.”

“It’s in the school, don’t worry.” 

“But-”

“Come with me. Let me help you.”

_____________________________

Ryan lead Gavin through the auditorium and up the steps of the stage. Gavin had to admit that he was horribly confused as to what was happening as they passed behind the velvet curtains. Ryan told him to wait and see, that wasn’t very reassuring. 

Then with the opening of one door, labeled ‘storage’ Gavin found himself surrounded by props and furniture. 

“What is all of this, Ry?” Gavin asks. 

“Theater Storage Room.” Ryan announces. “It’s where Arryn brought me to help retrieve her renegade puppy.”

“Whoa,” Gavin comments, looking around. “This is all cool, but...why are we here?”

“Pick.” Ryan motions to the furniture. 

“What?”

“Pick somewhere for us to chill out. A bed or couch or something comfortable, please.” 

Gavin looks at him with a sudden mischievous grin. 

“You’re a genius, Ry!” Gavin beams, the first actual smile of the day. “Ummm...how sturdy is that bed?”

“Hmmm...” Ryan drops his backpack before launching himself onto the bed. It creaks and rolls a bit. He hadn’t realized there were wheels on it. But, it makes sense. That’d make it easier for it to be moved on and off stage. “Sturdy,  _and_  portable.”

“Always what you look for in a bed, I find.” Gavin jokes and joins Ryan on the bed. He puts his backpack down lightly before laying next to Ryan. He turns so that he can duck his head under Ryan’s chin where it’s safe. He lets out a deep breath it feels like he’s been holding since last night. “Ryan...”

“Yeah?”

“Why is it that family seems to be the most disappointing out of everyone in life? Like I’m  _so_ disappointed in the people that I’m supposed to be the most forgiving to.”

“Well, it’s just a ‘tradition’ kind of. Being forgiving to your family...I mean. It’s like people just assume that the ‘oh, you’re my flesh and blood, let me kiss your ass’ kind of thing is a built in part of being a family.” Ryan shrugs. “I think it’s easy to be disappointed in family because of the whole unconditional love belief.”

“I guess you’re right.” Gavin sighs. “Like how I expect my brother to have my back unconditionally instead of use me as a human shield. And how I expect my father not to use me as a punching bag the second his wife dies.”

“What?” Ryan’s eyebrows come together and he presses his lips into Gavin’s hair. “What happened, Gavin?”

Gavin lets out a shuddering breath. “My brother...he told me that he  _let_  all of those things happen to me. That he let my father be abusive in every way that he is...to...to protect himself. That he was too scared to do anything because I was taking the brunt of everything and that’s how he wanted it to stay so he and the twins would be safe.”

Ryan froze, he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. 

“And then, he talked to my dad last night, asked him why he treated me so badly.”

“Yeah?”

“And Dad said that I reminded him so much of my mother that he can’t stand me.”

Ryan takes in the new information and he wants to say something comforting, but literally nothing comes to mind. He just feels a white hot anger burning into his chest. 

Gavin presses his face into Ryan’s shirt and breathes. Ryan pets Gavin’s hair as he tries to let his anger subside a bit. 

“But...” Ryan frowns. “None of that is your fault, Gavin.”

“Why does it feel like it is?” Gavin whispers. 

“They  _want_  you to think it’s your fault, Gav. It’s easier that way, but guess what?”

“What?” Gavin said, followed by an adorable sniffle that made Ryan just want to protect him from everything in the world. 

“You know how you say I’m ‘always right’?”

“Uh-huh, because you are.” Gavin nods. 

“Well, if I’m always right, then you have to believe me when I say that...your brother and your dad are complete idiots for doing you wrong like they are. You’re perfect and amazing and you should only be treated as such.”

Gavin was glad that he was tucked away in Ryan’s chest so the older male couldn’t see the look of disbelief on his face. So much for that though, because Ryan pulled Gavin from his hiding spot to look him in the eyes. 

“You don’t believe me, huh?” Ryan asks and Gavin blushes, but he can’t help but laugh. The tawny haired boy wipes gently at Gavin’s tears. He’s not crying anymore, but a few stubborn tears have perched themselves on Gavin’s cheekbones. 

“I’m glad I’m here with you right now, Ry.” Gavin sniffles again and Ryan brings his lips to Gavin’s forehead which is feverish from his crying. 

“I know.” Ryan smiles “I’m glad you’re here with me.” 

Gavin makes eye contact with Ryan for a few moments before sitting up and leaning over the side of the bed to grab his backpack. Ryan sits up too in order to see what Gavin is doing. 

“Your laptop, Ry.” Gavin replies to the curious look on Ryan’s face.

“Oh.” Ryan raises his brows, he’d forgotten. 

Ryan stills as Gavin sits a silver machine on his lap. It’s not too heavy. Gavin watches as Ryan feels the smooth texture of the outside of the device, fingertips lingering over the computer’s logo. He feels the sides, the underneath. Gavin knows Ryan likes to feel textures of things, so he lets him have a go at the computer’s contours. 

When he’s done feeling the textures, Ryan opens it, running his fingers over the keys then looks confused. Gavin doesn’t know what he’s confused about at first, but then chuckles at his grandpa of a boyfriend. 

“Ugh, Ryan.” Gavin rolled his eyes teasingly as he reached passed his boyfriend and pointed to the power button. “You turn it on like this.” Gavin explains, Ryan blushes and mutters a small ‘thank you’. “When the battery dies, or when it’s low, you put the charger in here.” He taps the small opening on the side. “Understand?”

“Yeah.” Ryan observes the machine come to life after playing it’s awakening tune when Gavin hits the power button. Then came up a screen that says ‘Welcome, Ryan!’ and the older male’s blue eyes widen. “It knows who I am?”

“Oh...I programmed you in as the main user earlier this week when I retrieved the laptop from the depths of my dad’s study.” Gavin looks over at him. “Have you ever used a laptop before?”

“A while ago, I got paired up with a guy for a group project and he made me do all the typing on his...but it’s been a while.”

“Do you know about how the mouse is a trackpad and everything?”

“Yeah.” Ryan touches the trackpad area, glancing up at the screen as it changes. The screen then asks for a password and Ryan’s eyebrows knit together. He doesn’t know what the password is.

“Oh, yeah.” Gavin says as he reaches in to the type it in.

“What’s the password?” Ryan asks, this makes Gavin giggle. 

“RyanFree14.” Gavin blushes. “Capital ‘R’ and capital ‘F’ and...14 because it’s 2014.”

“What the hell makes you think I’m taking your last name, anyway?” Ryan bumps his arm against Gavin’s. 

“Gavin Haywood...” The Brit tastes the name on his tongue, it’s kind of funky and it makes him feel like a farmer. But, not the good kind of farmer that he feels like when he’s out working with Ryan. “I like you being Ryan Free better, it sounds crisp and clean...and well,  _freeing_.”

“You just don’t like my last name.” Ryan pretends to pout, but then he smiles and shakes his head. “I don’t blame you. I don’t like it either, it’s my dad’s.”

“Oh, it is?” Gavin hadn’t known that, he hadn’t really thought about it. 

“Yeah, it is.” Ryan confirms, glancing at the laptop screen as an array of colors splash over it when the screensaver comes up. “I like ‘Ryan Free’ too,” He nods. “It’s how I feel when I’m with you, ‘free’, I mean. So it makes sense that if I’m free with you, I might as well be literally ‘ _Free_ ’ with you.”

“Aw,” Gavin leans over to give Ryan a quick kiss on his lips. It’s soft and warm, chaste. It makes Ryan feel safe immediately. He hadn’t known that he needed that feeling until Gavin kissed him. 

Maybe it was the subtle yet completely honest way that Ryan had just admitted to wanting to marry Gavin, or the jarring realization that  _holy fuck_ , he wants to marry Gavin. And from the sounds of it, Gavin wants to marry him too. 

But, that moment is far off and out of reach right now, so it’s nothing really to be concerned with as of this point in time. Besides, Ryan is just happy to enjoy ‘now’ and worry about the future and marriage and all later. 

Or, maybe Ryan feels safe because of before. Seeing Gavin obviously hurting because of the mistreatment from his brother and father. Maybe Ryan felt safe because he was scared that somehow, the pain would make Gavin into another person. Ryan has seen pain change other people, change himself...and Ryan  _loves_  Gavin. Loves how he is now. He doesn’t want to lose that. He’s seen pain make people disappear. He never wants Gavin to leave.

Before Gavin has the chance to pull away from the kiss, Ryan wraps an arm around the Brit’s shoulder to hold him in place for a few seconds longer. When he lets Gavin go, the younger male’s face is flushed a giddy rouge. “Ry...” He gives a breathy laugh. 

“Hm?” Ryan is focusing on the screen again, moving the mouse around and searching for the word document application. Gavin points it out for him before answering. 

“Nothing,” Gavin lays his head on Ryan’s shoulder. “I love you.” He closes his eyes, taking a moment to absorb himself in the moment. Gavin had never imagined feeling like this before. 

“I love you.” Ryan repeats, taking his eyes away from the screen and turning his head to kiss Gavin’s temple. After that, he closes the laptop. 

“Hey,” Gavin frowns in confusion. “I thought you’d want to write something.”

“In front of you?” Ryan raises a brow. 

“Yeah.” Gavin looks up at him. “Why, is that a bad thing?”

“It’s not bad that you want to watch me write...” Ryan shakes his head. “I’m just...self conscious. I make so many typos when I feel someone watching me. And what if what I write is too...not normal?”

“I don’t care about normal.” Gavin crinkles his nose at the word. “I wouldn’t be dating you if I wanted normal, I wouldn’t be your friend.”

“Are you my friend?” Ryan asks in a soft voice, Gavin’s brow creases. 

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“I don’t know.” Ryan shrugs. “Our friendship hasn’t changed, then?”

“Why would it?”

“If you’re my boyfriend, are we still best friends?” 

“Ryan,” Gavin picks his head up from Ryan’s shoulder. “Of course we are...that will never change.”

“I feel like my best friend is underneath a layer of you.” Ryan admits. “Like, you’re ‘Gavin the normal human person’, then ‘Gavin my best friend’ and  _then_  ‘Gavin my boyfriend’.”

“I mean...I guess it is like that.” Gavin shrugs. “Well, no.”

“No?”

“No.” Gavin repeats. “It’s more like, I’m a pot of stew.”

“Sounds...wonderful.” Ryan tries to hold it in, but he can’t help but sputter a loud laugh at the analogy. His laughter echos off the storage room walls.

“Ryan...” Gavin blushes, embarrassed at his lame choice of example. “I’m  _serious_ , Ryan! Listen to me!”

“Ok, ok...” Ryan presses his lips into a thin line, trying not to laugh. But, the face he pulls makes him look  _absolutely_  silly and Gavin gurgles at it. Then, Ryan makes a strangled wheeze noise as the pressure to laugh becomes too great and soon, Ryan and Gavin are laying on top of each other squawking with laughter. 

“Your...your bloody  _face_ , Ryan! You should’ve seen it!” Gavin says between squeaking laughter. 

“Fucking  _stew_ , Gavin!” Ryan responds before putting both hands on his face and letting out more muffled laughter. “You have to explain to me, what the hell it was that you were getting at with that,  _please_.” Ryan wipes tears from his eyes. “For my very sanity, Gav.”

“Ok, ok.” Gavin sits up and wipes his eyes as well. “You...you said...” He tries to catch his breath. “You said that I was like a bloody layered cake.”

“You with the food examples. I never said ‘cake’.” Ryan comments, earning a gentle glare from Gavin. “Ok, sorry. Continue, Gav.”

“Anyway,” Gavin clears his throat. “You said I had layers of relationships with you. From human being to boyfriend, and that the part of me that’s your best friend is wedged in the middle of those two things.”

“Yeah.” 

“Well, I don’t think it’s quite true.” Gavin shakes his head. “That order is more of our timeline. Like, it’s more of the order that I’ve become those things to you.”

“Alright?”

“But, why I said stew, was because I wasn’t just your best friend before this. And, I’m not  _just_  your boyfriend now.” Gavin says. “I’m all of those things.”

“But...what?”

“Like, it’s all mixed up.” Gavin moves his hands in circles to simulate the ‘mixing’. “I’m your boyfriend, your best friend,  _and_  I’m just plain old Gavin Free.”

“Oh...”

“Like ‘Gavin Free’ is the pot, and all the best friend, boyfriend stuff is just what’s mixed up inside. It’s not two separate things. It’s a whole.”

Ryan looks at the lovely fool in front of him with a fond expression. 

“What?” Gavin’s face tints pink a bit. “Do you not understand?”

“No, I get it now.” Ryan nods. “Only my best friend can make me laugh  _that_  hard, and only my boyfriend can be this cute.” He leans over to kiss Gavin’s cheek. “So, you’ve got to be both of those things, all of those things in one lovely...fucking  _stew_!” Ryan cracks up again and Gavin can only watch this time with an amused expression on his face. 

“It really wasn’t  _that_  funny, Ry.” Gavin watches the other male come undone and howl with laughter. It becomes contagious  and Gavin finds himself laughing with him, just because of the simple fact that Ryan finds the whole stew thing so hilarious. Gavin really does love this boy.

Gavin and Ryan look up sharply when the storage room door opens. They’re relieved that it’s not a teacher or something. It’s just J.J from the News Crew and from the Theater Club. He looks just as surprised to see them. 

“You guys weren’t like...about to bang or something, right?” J.J raises one of his dark eyebrows. Gavin and Ryan shake their heads. “Mind if I sit here for a sec?”

Gavin looks at Ryan to read his expression, Ryan doesn’t seem to mind. Neither does Gavin. 

“Go ahead.” Gavin motions to the array of furniture for him to sit on. J.J chooses a paisley sofa and reclines onto it. 

“Thanks.” J.J says as he kicks back. “I thought theater kids were the only ones who chill out in here.”

“Ryan might as well be a theater kid, he’s damn good at acting.” Gavin comments and J.J looks at Ryan curiously.

“He did seem to have a good time watching the improv the other day at lunch.” J.J nods. “But, Blaine told me Ryan said he was too shy.”

Ryan looks up at J.J, he hadn’t known Blaine was going to tell J.J that. Not that he cared, what Blaine had told him was the truth. 

“Still,” J.J shrugs. “Getting on stage is a great way to break shyness.” He looks at Ryan with his expression, obviously meaning to entice Ryan into joining. “It worked for Miles and Kerry.”

Ryan simply nods and brings his knees to his chest. 

“Anyway,” J.J begins a new topic. Ryan notices that he’s very talkative. “Have you started working on the gag article yet?”

Again, Ryan nods. 

“How’s it going?” J.J asks. 

“Good. Almost done.” Ryan responds. J.J looks surprised. 

“Really? Wow.” J.J flicks his chin up at Ryan approvingly. “Fast worker, I like it. Seriously though, if you wanna take your time you can. It has to be good to earn your spot on our crew.”

“It’s good.” Ryan says with blind confidence. Gavin looks at the surprised expression on J.J’s face and turns his head away to chuckle under his breath. Gavin liked seeing Ryan’s confidence, but he more so loved to watch people’s reaction to it. 

“Well, shit...get it to me when you’re done then.” J.J lays on his back. “Gonna sleep now, don’t wake me with your banging, kids.” 

“We’re not gonna b-” Gavin is cut off by J.J sitting up again. 

“You two are dating, right?” J.J asks. Gavin blushes and leans against Ryan’s side. 

“Yeah, we are.” Ryan answers, the hint of confidence in his voice made Gavin want to hide his face shyly. 

“Thought so,” J.J smirks fondly at them. “I approve.” He says before laying on his back again. “Night, night.”

“Is it time for advisory, yet?” Gavin asks aloud, but looks at his phone anyway. 

“Just about.” J.J responds. 

“I think I’ll go to advisory, and the rest of my classes.” Gavin announces. 

“Are you sure?” Ryan responds. 

“Yeah.” Gavin pulls the laptop’s charger from his backpack and gives it to Ryan. “Here.”

“Thanks.” Ryan gets up to retrieve his own backpack from the floor. He puts the charger into it and the laptop as well. “I wish I could come to advisory with you.”

“You don’t want to go see Gus?”

“I want to go home, actually.” Ryan admits. “But, I’m gonna stay here...just...I don’t feel like leaving your side yet.”

“Isn’t it going to be scary?” Gavin asks, rising from the bed. Ryan’s eyebrows come together. 

“What do you mean?” Ryan watches Gavin walk over to where he’s standing.

“When we have to grow up and do as we’re told?” Gavin sighs. “We’re just doing what we want right now.”

“Isn’t growing up supposed to be about being on your own to make your own decisions and responsibilities?” Ryan inquires, reaching to tap his fingertips against Gavin’s so that they’ll hold hands. 

“Nah, the more you grow up, the less you can do what you want.” Gavin shakes his head. “It’s going to be scary when I can’t skip over my responsibilities to be with you.”

“What does that mean?” Ryan’s pulse quickens a bit at the thought of serious adult things keeping him from Gavin. The Brit doesn’t answer, instead looks over his shoulder at J.J who’s obviously sleeping by now. Gavin can hear him snoring softly. 

They leave J.J to sleep and begin making their way to their advisories. 

~*~

Ryan would have absolutely gone to Gavin’s advisory with him, but he remembered Burnie saying that Gus was going to ‘make it up’ to Ryan during their advisory. He didn’t know what that meant, but he was going to find out. 

Gus looked up at Ryan when he came into the room. 

“Ryan, oh good you’re here.” Gus greets him with a large grin. Ryan had to admit, it did feel refreshing to hear his prefered name from yet another person. “I have something for you.”

“Yeah?” Ryan rose an eyebrow, again...responding automatically to someone. Michael had given great advice to be able to speak to people without too much pressure surrounding it. 

But, it was like Michael had flipped the ‘auto response’ switch is his brain and Ryan found himself more and more just responding to people with thinking about it. That could prove hazzardous, no doubt about it. 

Gus took a box out of a bag, it was dark blue and had gold letters on the outside. Ryan glanced up into Gus’s brown eyes for a second before opening it. 

It’s a keychain to put on his keyring. Ryan chuckles at what it says, even though he doesn’t really want Gus to see him smiling. The keychain is white with silver boardering. The black letters read: ‘Ryan “Not James” Haywood’ on the front and back sides. 

“Gus, you didn’t have to do this.” Ryan shakes his head. “This is really nice though, thank you.”

“It’s kind of lame, but I make keychains for a bit of extra money. It’s something I’ve always enjoyed doing.”

“You made this?” Ryan examines it closer. It looks really well made. 

“Well, not from scratch. I get the keychains and I have an engraver at home...and-”

“Why do you have an engraver?” Ryan raises an eyebrow. He’s not paying attention to how much he’s talking to Gus. However, it seems like Gus is really hesitant to answer that question. 

“Why do you  _not_  have an engraver?”

“Um...” Ryan’s brow furrows and he gets quiet. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Gus teases. 

“Thank you, Gus.” Ryan takes off his backpack and hooks the keychain to the loop. He can’t wait to show Gavin. 

When he does show Gavin, the Brit laughs. He wonders if Gus would make him one.

_____________________________

Ryan and Gavin went to the rest of their classes without hesitation. The older student was relieved to find himself in English class. He showed Burnie his keychain and the man laughed, complimenting it then he started class. 

Ryan paid attention for the most part. Seldom though, his thoughts drifted to the events that were to take place tonight. When he’d have to drive Sam to the airport. 

Thanks to his silence, he wouldn’t be able to say anything to Sam about using Gavin as a human shield. And, Mr. Free probably won’t even be there, so he wouldn’t have to worry about that. But...ugh. 

Ryan had vouched for Sam several times to Gavin, urging his boyfriend to be kind to his older brother. Telling Gavin that it’d be better to try to understand Sam, to understand his father. But...what was there to understand anymore, really? They were both using Gavin to their own vices. 

_Family_ , Ryan scoffed internally at the world. The only family he knew consisted of Mimi and Gavin, and that’s how he wanted it to stay. 

_____________________________

As usual, Gavin met Ryan outside with the others after school and they all stayed and chattered for a few moments. Ryan listened, standing close to Gavin. 

Geoff was talking about how well his senior project was going, glancing up at Ryan a few times while he spoke. This made Ryan shift his weight for some reason. He felt like he owed Geoff something he didn’t have, which was strange. Ryan didn’t owe Geoff anything. The senior said he couldn’t do Ryan’s interview until the next month, so he was in the clear. Why did Ryan suddenly feel guilty?

Ryan was relieved when Gavin interjected the conversation to announce that he and Ryan were departing. They walked hand in hand to the halfway point and Gavin kissed Ryan’s cheek and told the older male that he’d see him in a few hours, which was true. 

Gavin watched Ryan walk down the street getting smaller and smaller in the distance before crossing the road in the direction of his own house. 

~*~

About an hour later, Gavin sees one new text from ‘Rye Bread’ while he was in the middle of bringing some folded clothes from the laundry room. He reads it when he gets to his room and scoffs at what he sees, before laughing to himself. The text message says “Fucking stew, Gavin!” and Gavin has no doubt that wherever Ryan is, he’s laughing like a moron and that makes Gavin happy. It makes him really happy.

_____________________________ 

It occurred to Ryan that he’d never entered the Free family’s house normally. He either slipped into the always open backdoor or knocked on the front door. He had never even rung the doorbell. Nor did he really notice that they had one until now. He pushed it and the two note chime rang, followed by the sound of feet coming to the door. 

When the door opened, he was met with Mr. Free. Ryan gives a silent gasp, glad that the man didn’t hear it. The tawny haired teen was so surprised that he forgot to even give off the impression that he was upset with the man at all.

David’s blue eyes scan over Ryan quickly before the man gives a smile. Ryan can’t tell if it’s genuine or not, but it doesn’t seem to be forced at all. 

“Ryan,” The man reaches his hand forward. Ryan takes it, the firm handshake burns, but he doesn’t let it show. “Thank you for helping my son.”

For a second, Ryan forgets that he means Sam. Ryan, if anything, has helped Gavin far more than he’s ever helped anyone in his life. But, he knew Mr. Free would probably never thank him for that. So, it had to be Sam.

“Yes.” Ryan says...and he curses internally. 

_Yes? What kind of answer is that? It wasn’t even a ‘yes or no’ question, stupid_. Ryan scolds himself mentally before stepping into the house. 

He watches as Gavin’s father stands in front of the mirror in the main hallway, straightening his tie. He’s dressed smartly for whatever important meeting he has to leave for soon. Ryan had never seen David Free this close up. Again, Ryan is sort of blown away by the resemblance between Mr. Free and his children. 

Ryan wonders if that’s what Gavin would look like when he gets older...well, without the obvious small beer belly. 

“Ry!” 

Ryan hears his name called and turns to see Gavin being tailgated by Sam closely. This is what Gavin must’ve meant by Sam being clingy after their initial ‘side of the road’ talk yesterday. He’s following Gavin like a puppy. 

Gavin glances at his father before passing him to hug his boyfriend. It feels weird to not have to hide Ryan away from his father, it’s also weird to have Ryan even be here with his father awake and sober. Or maybe the strange part is just that his dad is sober. 

“Ready to go?” Ryan asks, talking only to Gavin. The blonde looks over his shoulder at Sam, who looks like the idea of leaving is painful. 

“Well...” Gavin turns back to Ryan. “We don’t really have to go quite yet. We still have a half hour before-”

“You should go sooner than later.” David says from the kitchen where he’s pouring himself a glass of water, two small pills sitting beside the glass. Ryan recognizes them as pain medication for headaches and things. “Incase anything goes wrong at the airport, or there is some sort of delay. Procrastinating about flights...never a good idea.” The man brings up his very valid points. 

“Dad’s right.” Sam speaks up, his voice kind of small. “I guess I should get going.”

“Come give us a hug then, mate.” Mr. Free appears from the kitchen a bit of sadness in his eyes, arms open. Sam walks passed Gavin and Ryan then into his father’s arms. “Gonna bloody miss you, Sammy.”

“You too, Dad.”

“Keep your damn grades up, make me proud. Yeah?” He pats his son’s back before letting him go. 

“Yeah.” Sam nods and gives his dad a small smile. 

“Alright then,” Mr. Free picks up his jacket and briefcase. “Ta.”

“Bye.” Sam and Gavin wave. Ryan gives a small wave as well. 

Before he leaves through the front door, David nods at Ryan. 

“Thanks again, for driving Sam and all.” He says. 

“Y-you’re welcome.” Ryan nods back, and with that, David leaves. 

The three young males are left standing in a semi circle, facing the front of the house. Sam turns to the two of them and sighs. “So,” He says. “Are we leaving now or...?”

“Ry?” Gavin turns to him. “Your call.”

“Me?” Ryan raises his eyebrows. “Why me?”

“You’re the one bloody driving, aren’t you?” Sam asks.

“Y-yeah, but-” Ryan is cut off by the feeling of Gavin’s finger tips against his own, automatically, he holds Gavin’s hand. “Oh.” Ryan utters before he can stop himself. He doesn’t know why he says it, but Gavin and Sam laugh. 

“You two are  _actually_  kind of cute.” Sam comments. 

“Kind of?” Gavin repeats, holding Ryan’s hand tighter. 

“Actually?” Ryan gives a response to that as well. 

“Well,” Sam ignores their surprised reactions. “You two love birds relax for a few minutes. I’m gonna go to the loo, then we can leave I guess.” Sam takes the stairs two at a time, leaving Gavin and Ryan alone. 

Gavin gives Ryan’s hand another small squeeze. “My dad,  _really_  likes you.” He grins. Ryan looks at him. 

“Why do you keep insisting that he does?”

“He does!” Gavin is still all smiles. “When I first brought Dan over, before we were even dating, Dad couldn’t stand him.”

“Really?” Ryan seems surprised. “Why?”

“No clue.” Gavin shrugs. “Come sit down with me.”

The Brit tugs Ryan in the direction of the living room, where they go and sit on the couch. Gavin bites his lip shyly. “Ryan,”

“Yeah?”

“I have to thank you...about earlier, skipping class with me so I wouldn’t have a complete melt down. I could never ask anyone to do that...yet, you did.” Gavin isn’t making eye contact. 

“I just wanted to be there for you.”

“You were...and I wish I could do something more than say thank you. I feel like I’m saying it all the bloody time, I don’t want it to lose its meaning to you, because I do mean it. Every time I say it.”

“I know.” Ryan is silent for a moment before speaking. “I mean it when I say it to you too, you know.”

Gavin doesn’t say anything, just looks Ryan in the eyes and nods. Ryan leans forward and presses his forehead to Gavin’s. The blonde responds by putting his arms around Ryan, keeping their foreheads against each other’s. 

“Thank you.” Ryan breathes, Gavin opens his eyes and looks at Ryan’s blue ones up close. The younger male gives a small laugh. 

“For what?”

“Letting me help you, I know it’s not always easy to accept help from someone.” Ryan says.

“Is anything easy?”

“Being with you is.” Ryan shrugs. “I thought it’d be much harder. Like constantly trying to figure things out. But, it’s not that hard. It’s literally sitting here with you and listening to you.”

“Ry...”

“It’s the easiest thing in my life that I’m yet to do.” Ryan nods, forehead rocking gently against Gavin’s. “I’m serious.”

Gavin smiles, eyes closing again, letting four breaths worth of silence pass before speaking. “Ry,”

“Hm?”

“Can I kiss you?” Gavin asks softly, like he’s expecting Ryan to say no. 

Ryan nods though, silently. He feels Gavin’s forehead move away as the Brit tilts his mouth up toward Ryan’s. It’s a small lingering touch of the lips, and Gavin pulls back after a few seconds. Still, it’s enough to leave them both a bit shaken. Both still new to kissing, still so new to each other. 

The breathless feeling, it felt as if they’d been holding their breath since the conversation had begun and they were finally letting the air in and out of their lungs again. 

Ryan answers Gavin’s kiss with one of his own. His kisses so far have always been like small tastes. Series of small, slow pecks which Gavin returns each time. Gavin likes that Ryan has his own signature way of kissing. It makes him smile against Ryan’s lips. 

Their little moment ends quickly though, as they hear Sam coming down the stairs. Gavin leans over to give Ryan two more small pecks before separating himself from Ryan and rising to his feet. 

“Ready?” Gavin asks Sam, exiting the living room and hoping that he doesn’t look too blushy from kissing Ryan. Sam has a bittersweet smile on his face, he nods slowly. “Hug?”

“Hug.” Sam confirms, dropping his two bags down by his feet. Gavin and Sam embrace, Sam’s hold is tighter than his. “I’m really sorry.”

“I know.” Gavin says and he steps away from his brother, both of them turning to Ryan. The tawny haired male can tell that he’s going to be hugged before Sam even makes his way over. 

It burned like Ryan knew it would, but...Sam smells incredible. “Wow.” Ryan comments as Sam steps away. 

“What?” Gavin looks at Ryan. “His cologne? I know.”

“Christmas present.” Sam states, putting his shirt over his nose to smell himself. Ryan wants to laugh, because it seems like something Gavin would do. “I forget the name. Glad you like it.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Gavin rolls his eyes. “Steal my boyfriend with being all fit and nicely scented.” 

This makes Sam laugh as he picks his bags up. “Nah, he’s all yours.” Sam looks at Ryan. “Take care of my brother, yeah?”

“He does.” Gavin confirms. 

“I will continue to do so.” Ryan says firmly. Gavin looks over his shoulder at Ryan, smiling. Ryan gives a small smile back. “Let’s go.”

~*~

Sam’s jaw falls open when he sees Ryan’s car out front. The oldest male picks up speed to go look at it. “No fucking way!” Sam all but shouts into the quiet neighborhood. “No way!”

“What?” Ryan asks shyly, his words weren’t getting stuck, but he was afraid they might start, so he keeps it simple and one worded as if they were. 

“Chrysler LeBaron Sedan!” Sam chirps. “And it’s a..what? A 1980? It looks bloody brand new!”

“Not the inside.” Ryan shrugs. “It’s not bad inside, but you can tell it’s not new.”

Gavin looks at Ryan, surprise by how well he’s speaking, proud even. “I love Ryan’s car.” Gavin comments.

“How much did you  _pay_  for it, though??” Sam asks as Ryan opens the trunk. 

“It was my grandpa’s.” Ryan answers as he walks around to the driver’s side. 

“Shotgun!” Gavin runs to the passenger side door. 

“As if I’d get up there next to your boyfriend.” Sam rolls his eyes and closes the trunk, then gets into the backseat. “Onward, Mr...” Sam is at a lost for a last name. 

“James Ryan Haywood.” Ryan says quickly, starting up the car. He pauses in his motions for a second, wondering why he’d just spit out his whole name.

“Onward, Mr. Haywood.” Sam declares, then laughs a bit. “Haywood?  _And_  you live on a farm? That’s such a farmer’s last name.”

Gavin turns to look in the backseat, his fist risen, ready for a ‘fist bump’. “That’s what I told him, too!” Gavin grins. 

“Hell yeah,” Sam knocks his fist to Gavin’s. Ryan huffs dramatically behind the steering wheel. 

“You’re sure you’ve got all your stuff?” Gavin asks, eyeing Sam worriedly. 

“Yup,” Sam nods. “I’m good to go.”

“Where are the twins?” Ryan asks suddenly, remembering that there was no one at their house to watch them. 

“At a kiddie Halloween party.” Gavin turns back to face the front. “They’re to be dropped off at the house at 9PM. I know it sounds late, but they’re doing some ‘glow in the dark’ relay race or something? And it has to be dark so...” Gavin shrugs

“We should be back by 9PM, right?” Ryan looks over at Gavin for a second, then eyes back on the road. 

“Of course, you donut.” Gavin laughs. “It’s bloody 7:30, and we should only be maybe an hour. The airport is a little far, but not too much. Besides, Dad might be home before we are.”

“Alright.” Ryan nodded, keeping his eyes ahead still, he feels Gavin’s hand on his knee and his knuckles grip the wheel tighter. 

“Thanks, Ry. For driving Sam out and everything.” Gavin yawns and takes his hand away, bringing his feet up onto his seat. 

“Y-yeah.” Ryan comes to a red light, just before he gets onto the highway. He takes that pause to glance up in the rearview mirror to see Sam typing away on his phone. He looks to his right and sees Gavin curled up in a ball, yawning still. 

He watched Gavin, curled up like that. Looking so small and fragile. He couldn’t imagine how anyone would want to hurt Gavin. Especially if he really didn’t deserve it. Really, no one deserved poor treatment. 

Ryan takes one more glance at Gavin before looking straight ahead again. 

Then, the light turns green. 

_____________________________ 

Gavin was right, it didn’t take too long to get to the airport. Gavin and Sam both got a bit teary eyed as they hugged goodbye. And again, Sam went to hug Ryan. It burned, but just a little and that surprised Ryan to say the least. When Sam let him go, he picked up his bags and went into the airport. Gavin turned to Ryan and hugged him tightly, as if they were also separating.

Ryan let Gavin hold onto him for a while, thinking about what it would be like when Gavin left for the UK during winter break. Would Ryan be the one to drop him off? Probably not, the Brit would most likely be taking a taxi to the airport with his family. 

That means Ryan would absorb Gavin completely, all of the time he has left the day before Gavin goes, since he won’t be able to drop him off himself. They’d both be teary eyed then probably. 

When Gavin steps away from Ryan, they look at each other before getting back into the car.

~*~

The ride back to the small town felt longer than the drive to the airport. Maybe it was because neither of them were talking. Gavin hadn’t said a word, so Ryan didn’t want to either. Ryan felt like if he said something it’d make something awkward. Of course, it probably wouldn’t have...but he didn’t want to risk it. 

When they got back to Gavin’s, the Brit invited him in, not like he had to. Ryan was going to follow him inside anyway to make sure he was alright. Gavin didn’t say anything for a while, Ryan was wondering why he was being so quiet. 

But, the quietnesses disappeared as Gavin began looking in the fridge. 

“I’m hungry.” Gavin announced. 

“Yes,” Ryan nods, taking a seat on a barstool at the counter. “The main reason why one usually looks into the fridge.”

Gavin stood upright and looked over his shoulder to roll his eyes at the shit eating grin his boyfriend was wearing. “Shut up, Ryan.” He chuckled. 

“Just saying.” Ryan continued to grin. 

“Do you want me to fix you a plate? I’m just going to have some leftovers from today's dinner.” Gavin offers, Ryan shakes his head. 

“Nah.”

“You sure?” Gavin asks, Ryan nods. “Hm, alright...there’s plenty though if you change your mind.” 

Ryan eyed the aluminum foil covered dish. His eyes watched the metallic crinkled foil gleam in the florescent lights. He wanted to touch it. The crinkled texture of foil, most likely still cold from being in the fridge. A symphony of sensory delights. 

If Gavin had caught Ryan eyeing the dish, he would’ve given Ryan the foil, but he didn’t and it was back on the shelf in the fridge quickly after Gavin fixed himself a plate. 

When Gavin’s plate came out of the microwave, he sat next to Ryan and began eating. Ryan watched for a few moments before getting up, opening and closing drawers until he found the forks. He plucked one from the drawer and took his seat back next to Gavin and began eating from the Brit’s plate. 

Gavin’s eyebrows knit together. 

“I thought you said you weren't hungry, Ryan?” Gavin asks, watching as another forkful of his food was consumed. 

“No I didn’t.” Ryan replies, chewing happily. “This is really good.”

“Thanks, I cooked it.” Gavin replies. “But, I asked you if you wanted a plate.”

“I know you did, I declined that offer.” Ryan nods. “But, I never said I wasn’t hungry.”

“That’s all fine and dandy, but-” Gavin stops short as another forkful made it’s way into Ryan’s mouth. “But...Ryan, there’s food in the fridge if you want your own plate.”

“I don’t want my own plate, I want  _your_  food.” Ryan states. “I’m only going to eat half of it. I always only eat half of your food.”

Gavin froze, running over Ryan’s words in his head. A small smile of realization crept onto Gavin’s face. 

“Ryan,”

“Hm?”

“Since the beginning, right?”

“Huh?”

“You’ve liked eating half of my food.” Gavin points out. “You ate half of my sandwich, you drank one of my two beverages, you ate half of the cookie.”

Ryan looks at Gavin for a moment before nodding. 

“Why is that, though?” Gavin raises an eyebrow.

“I...like sharing things with you.” Ryan shrugs. “It feels better than doing things on my own, it feels better than having things apart from you. I like having things with you.”

Gavin bites onto his bottom lip and watches as Ryan puts down his fork. Half of the whole portion is gone, meaning that the rest is Gavin’s. 

“Ry,” Gavin reaches over to brush his knuckles to Ryan’s face, he feels a faint scruff of stubble as he does so. 

“Yeah?”

“You’re mine, you know that?”

Ryan gives a small shy smile, pivoting slightly on the barstool. “Yeah, I know.”

** ~*HALLOWEEN BONUS*~ **

 

Ryan isn’t sure how he ended up here, sitting on the floor with Gavin’s friends. They were all in a circle, putting things they didn’t want in the middle for others to grab. 

Ray discarded all of the cake-like items, Gavin didn’t want any form of taffy. Barbara gave away all of the things with nuts. Jack only wanted to take Skittles or M&Ms from the center of the circle. Michael took anything chocolate from the middle, often fighting with Jack for the M&Ms. Griffon and Geoff fought over hard candies. Ryan mostly watched, taking the occasionally tossed Kit Kat or Twix candies that Michael missed. 

Ryan had originally thought it silly of Gavin for wanting to trick or treat, but all of the others were into the idea. They all came along happily in costumes, and each teen got a decent haul of candy. Ryan didn’t want to admit it, but he had  _a lot_  of fun. 

Gavin and Ryan didn’t have costumes so they just had Griffon paint their faces, of course she’d offered. Ryan flinches away from her hand whenever it touched his face. But as she promised, she made quick work of painting his face with dark eyes and streaks of black going down to his cheekbones. Gavin however got pretty blues and orange flecks around his eyes and along his face in the form of something similar to feathers. 

“So,” Geoff spoke with a mouth full of chocolate covered pretzels. “What the hell made you two assholes rob the school dance?”

“Huh?” Gavin looked up from his pillow case full of candy. ”What are you on about?”

“The ‘Ghost Bandits’ were you two, right?” Geoff rose a brow, the others all looked up at them. “The koala and the scarecrow?”

Gavin looked over at Ryan with a ‘should we tell them?’ expression. The Monster Bash was almost a week ago and honestly, they were surprised that their friends hadn’t directly asked about it before now. Ryan shrugged his shoulders. 

Gavin sighed and nodded. 

“Yeah, that was us.” Gavin admitted for the two of them. 

“I fucking knew it!” Barbara throws up her hands. “Gav, I wanted to make so many koala puns about your mask!”

“I know!” Gavin agrees excitedly. “I wanted to tell you it was me so badly so we could pun together!”

“You should’ve! We knew it was you two anyway!” Barbara nudges him. “It was a koala-ty mask!”

“We’re not doing this shit again,” Ryan shakes his head at his boyfriend before turning to the group. “I already had to hear all of Gavin’s puns last week.” The tawny haired boy speaks the longest, clearest sentence he’s ever said to the others. 

Geoff cracks a wide grin, before bursting into laughter. 

“Damn, dude.” Michael chuckles at Barbara and Gavin. “Ryan fucking told your asses.”

“It’s great, being together like this.” Griffon smiles at Ryan and then the rest of them. “It’s also great that Halloween is on a Friday, that means there’s the whole weekend to party and stuff.”

“Right though?” Michael says. “Last year it was on a Thursday or some bullshit like that.” He rolls his eyes. “And I was like ‘Are you fucking kidding me?? It’s so close to the weekend! Can’t we just skip school??’ so, yeah. This Halloween is good.”

“Anyone have plans?” Jack asks, focusing his attention on Gavin and Ryan. “That they  _actually_  want to inform their friends about?”

“Hey! We told you all we had a date!” Gavin looks over at his Ry. “Well, Ryan told you all, anyway.”

“So, you guys are gonna share your plans this time then?” Ray raises a brow.

“Well, no.” Gavin shrugs. “We don’t actually  _have_  plans set in stone, but...I’m officially ungrounded as of midnight tonight. So, I’m kinda gonna tell my dad to eat nobs so I can spend all weekend with Ryan...even though I basically have been doing that behind my dad’s back anyway.”

“You should come to a party with us!” Griffon beams. “It’d be fun!”

“Um,” Gavin frowns. “I don’t think Ry would like that, and to be honest...we’ve had enough excitement for a while.”

“What do you mean?” Geoff looks disappointed. “It’s been a week since your guys’ heist. What excitement have you had since then?”

“Just because you two bang now doesn’t mean you can’t hang out with us.” Michael’s scolds them. 

“We’re not shagging, Michael.” Gavin folds his arms. “And it’s not that we don’t wanna hang out with you guys...it’s just...parties and things aren’t really our scene.”

Gavin hadn’t told all of them about the things with his dad and his brother. Maybe  _exciting_  wasn’t the right word to use. Maybe ‘emotionally exhausting’ fit the situations better. 

Sam had just left on Wednesday, Thursday was a pretty vanilla day, and here it was today being Friday. So, relaxing with Ryan for the weekend sounded amazing. Especially the part where he gets to tell his father to eat nobs. Politely, of course.

“If parties and social gatherings aren’t your scene, what is your scene then?” Jack asks to Ryan and Gavin, tearing open a packet of M&Ms. 

“Picnic tables and Ryan’s farm house.” Gavin replies.

“Farm house?” Barbara looks surprised, then she remembers. “Oh right! You live on the farm. Right, Ryan?”

Ryan nods at her. 

“With...your grandma, yeah?” Michael talks with his mouth full. 

“Yeah,” Ryan speaks hesitantly. “H-her name is Mimi.”

“She’s an absolute doll,” Gavin states. “You all would love her.”

“Maybe we could come hang out at your farm sometime, Ryan.” Barbara suggests and the group agrees. Gavin turns to look at Ryan. 

“Would you like that, Ry?” Gavin reaches over to push Ryan’s hair behind his ear gently. Ryan flinches a bit, Gavin notices. He didn’t flinch because Gavin hurt him or anything, the touch didn’t burn. He just forgot what being touched by Gavin was like. He was a bit on edge from being around all the others for so long. He’d focused so much on talking to them, that he was wound a bit tightly. 

Gavin took his hand away the second Ryan flinched. He mouthed ‘ok?’ at Ryan, the older male mouthed the word ‘sorry’ back at him. The Brit cleared his throat. 

“So what do you think about the others coming to visit the farm, Ry?” Gavin tries the question again. 

“Um...” Ryan looks around at all of them. “It’s boring.” 

“What?” Griffon asks. “I doubt it!”

“Are there animals?” Barbara squeaks. 

“Yeah, and they’re super cute.” Gavin nods. “There are babies.”

“Babies!” Barbara repeats happily. “Ryan we  _have_  to go!”

“Sure,” Ryan shrugs. “If you all want.”

“So tomorrow sound good?” Geoff asks, Ryan nods in agreement. “Awesome!”

“Sweet,” Michael chimes in. “We can all sleep here at Barbara’s house, then we walk over to Ryan’s tomorrow.”

Gavin looks up at the curly haired boy, then at Ryan. He knew Ryan wouldn’t want to sleep here, because he would be too worried about Mimi. Gavin really wanted to stay, but he wouldn’t want to leave Ryan alone. But...Gavin knew Ryan would feel bad if he came back home with him instead of staying with the others. 

“Ryan and I have plans.” Gavin speaks up, Ryan looks over at him with a confused look on his face. 

“This late?” Ray raises a brow. “It’s like...11 at night.”

“It is?” Ryan’s eyes widen, blood runs cold. 

“Yeah...10:45PM.” Jack confirms. “Are you guys late for something?”

“We...are, yeah.” Gavin watched Ryan try not to look frantic as he stuffed all his candy into his bag. “I’ll call you guys tomorrow afternoon if you guys still wanna come to the farm.”

“We will  _definitely_  want to visit the farm.” Griffon declares. 

“Well, then I’ll  _definitely_  call you all tomorrow afternoon.” Gavin smiles at all of them, rising to his feet after he packed up his candy. 

“Barbara,” Ryan looks at his feet. “Thanks for having me at your house today.”

She is surprised at how clearly he spoke to her, and she doesn’t think she’s ever heard him say her name before. She blinks a couple of times before nodding. “No problem, Ryan. It was great having you here.”

Ryan nods shyly before tapping his fingertips to Gavin’s, the Brit takes his hand. “Bye, guys!” Gavin waves to them, when the group returns the goodbye, he leads Ryan out of the basement. 

Barbara turns back to the others and beams. 

“Wow,” She says. 

“What?” Geoff raises a brow. 

“Ryan is changing so much,” Barbara states. “I mean, he’s still kind of weird, but-”

“Still weird.” Michael agrees. “But, he’s getting better around us.”

“Yeah.” Ray nods. 

“He’s cute.” Barbara giggles. Michael frowns at her for a second, but it fades quickly. 

“That is true.” Michael agrees with her again. “I mean, I’m not super into dudes or anything...but Ryan is kinda hot.”

“Agreed.” Geoff, Ray, and Jack confirm Ryan’s hotness.

“I just want to pinch his face,” Griffon sighs. “But he’d probably die if I did.”

“Anyway,” Jack sits up a bit. “He seemed kinda spooked when he realized it was getting late.”

“Gav said they had something to do.” Griffon reminds him. 

“You think it was true, though?” Jack asks. 

“I don’t see why he’d lie.” Geoff says. “Unless they’re covering up something.”

“Probably gonna go bang.” Ray takes a bite of a chocolate bar. 

“Yeah.” The group choruses. 

“What do you think the farm is like?” Barbara looks around the circle. “I heard things about it.”

“What kinds of things?” Jack asks curiously. 

“Like what really goes on there.” Barbara speaks in a spooky voice. 

“Tell us, Barb the Magnificent.” Michael says in a ‘booming’ voice. “Tell us the tales of the farm of mystery.”

“Yeah, it’s Halloween.” Griffon nods. “Time for scary stories.”

“Happy Halloween, assholes!” Geoff shouts, tossing candy in the air.

_____________________________

“You didn’t have to come with me.” Ryan says as they exit Barbara’s house. The house was yellow, with brown shutters and a white picket fence going all around the property. Her house was a bit farther from Ryan and Gavin’s. She lived on the other side of town, closer to where Gavin’s siblings go to school. It was more of the ‘upper-middle class’ area. Not that Ryan and Gavin didn’t live in nice areas as well. It was just, well...Barb’s house was kind of ‘fancier’, bigger for sure. 

“Nonsense, Ryan.” Gavin said, even though the response felt halfhearted. He hoped it didn’t sound that way. 

“You could just be honest with me,” Ryan sighs. “Admit it. I’m a huge burden.”

“Ryan that’s not-”

“Say that being my boyfriend has been more like babysitting rather than a relationship.”

“Ryan!” Gavin stopped walking. “Would you stop talking like that?”

“But it’s true...” Ryan shakes his head, turning back towards Barb’s house. “Let’s go back in.”

“What?”

“You put up with my bullshit,” Ryan says. “The least I could do is march back into Barbara’s house and stand a night of discomfort for you.”

“I don’t want that, though.” Gavin looks down. “Sure, it’d be nice to spend time with them. And, I wasn’t really ready to leave yet. But-”

“Then let’s go back in.” Ryan insists. “Or I could just go home and you can stay here.”

“One,” Gavin begins. “I’m not letting you walk all the way back to your house alone in the dark.”

“Gav-”

“Two, I care just as much about Mimi as you do.” The blonde informs Ryan. “So, I’d like to also go see if she’s alright.” 

“Is there a three?”

“Hell yeah, there is.” Gavin grins. “Three, you’re my Ry. I want to be with you, and right now with you is going see about Mimi. So let’s go check on Mimi.” Gavin says comfortingly. “But, I bet that if we didn’t have to go check on Mimi, you would’ve stayed. You’re tough, now. You could’ve survived it.”

“You...you think so?”

“Yeah,” Gavin nods. “I could tell that when they said they were spending the night there, you didn’t think ‘of fuck, I have to stay here with these people??’ you were thinking, ‘oh no, what about Mimi??’ right?”

“Well, that’s true.” Ryan admits. 

“So, you would’ve been a bit uncomfortable.” Gavin shrugs. “But, I bet you would’ve stayed.”

“Maybe...” Ryan sighs. “Maybe you’re right.”

“I am,” Gavin smiles. “I know my boyfriend.”

They both still get butterflies when they use that word.

“You do,” Ryan wraps and arm around Gavin’s waist with his free arm. “I know my boyfriend, too.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah.”

“What am I thinking, then? Smartypants.” Gavin grins as they begin walking again. 

“You want to kiss me.” Ryan states. 

“Well, duh.” Gavin rolls his eyes. “I always wanna do that.”

“True.” Ryan shrugs. “But, I could tell that kissing was the primary thing on your brain at that moment.”

“So, why didn’t you do it then?”

“I want to get us home first.” 

“Ugh,” Gavin groans. “Your priorities, Ry. Not too great.”

“I think they’re reasonable and rational.”

“Which is why they bleeding,  _suck_.”

“My apologies, Sir Free.”

“I’m a knight now?”

“You’re something.”

“Eh,” Gavin leans over to press a kiss to Ryan’s face. “As long as you’re prince charming.”

“Lame.”

“Get us home faster so I can bloody kiss you already, Ryan.”

Ryan bites his lip to keep the dopey grin off his face when Gavin refers to the farm house as ‘home’. Something about Gavin associating Ryan’s home as also his...it just made Ryan happy. Like he found the same comfort in the farmhouse as Ryan and Mimi did. Like Gavin belonged there with him. 

The tawny haired boy didn’t even want to walk home with Gavin anymore. 

He wanted to run. 

_____________________________

Ryan had barely unlocked the front door of the farmhouse before Gavin had his lips on Ryan’s cheek. As Ryan fumbled to get the key in the lock, Gavin’s lips moved to press at the base of his neck. Ryan cursed at the sensation and at the fact that he couldn’t get the damn key in the hole. 

“You’re gonna have to stop doing that.” Ryan responds to the kisses began spread from one side of his neck to the other. Gavin didn’t have anything to say on the matter. 

Finally the lock turned and Ryan pushed the door open gently, as not to disturb Mimi as she slept. If she was sleeping. 

Still, Gavin wouldn’t let up. It was like he’d been holding back for the entire time he’s known Ryan, and now...he’s free to explore Ryan with his mouth and he was going to. But, not before Ryan checked on Mimi. 

Mimi’s bedroom door was wide open when he rounded the corner. Her bedside table contained the glass of water, and the pill she was supposed to take an hour after he’d left earlier for trick or treating. Ryan had told Mimi he was going out, and he’d told her when to take her medicine in an hour. Though, she should’ve known anyway because she takes it everyday at 8PM. 

She wasn’t supposed to sleep without taking the pill, so even though Ryan felt bad now, he had to wake her. Gavin stood in the doorway while Ryan approached her bed. 

“Mimi?” Ryan sits on the side of her bed, rocking her shoulder through the blanket. She didn’t stir and this made Ryan’s pulse jump. “Mimi?” He called to her louder, shaking her a bit harder. 

She grumbled and Ryan sighed with relief. 

Gavin sighed too. 

But, the relief was short lived. Upon rolling from her side and onto her back, Mimi began violently coughing. Ryan wasn’t sure what to do, and knit his eyebrows together. He remembered something that he’d seen Paul and the other farmworkers do when Mimi had coughing spells like this. 

“Gav, come here.” Ryan says urgently. “I’ll help her sit up, but stack up her pillows so we can prop her up.”

“Got it!” Gavin crossed the room quickly. Ryan took Mimi by her shoulders and pulled her up so that she was against his chest. Gavin acted fast, and stacked up the numerous pillows. When Mimi was propped up against the pillows, she continued to cough, raspier though, almost like a wheeze. Gavin handed Ryan the water, Ryan guided the straw to her lips and she drank until her coughs were almost silent. 

Ryan waited until they’d nearly stopped before he talked. “Are you ok?”

“I’m f-fine, thanks.” Mimi’s voice was hoarse. 

“This is why I  _told_  you to take your medicine, why  _didn’t_  you?” Ryan didn’t mean to sound so angry, but all of his emotions were jumbled and he was frustrated and worried and...scared. 

“I forgot.” Mimi admitted, looking up at Ryan with her eyes still watery from coughing so hard. Gavin went to the night stand and pulled a couple of tissues from it, brought them to Mimi. “Thank you, Gavin.” She said sweetly, dabbing her eyes and looked up again to Ryan. “I’m fine though, honest.”

“Take it now.” Ryan picked up the large blue pill, holding it out to her in his palm. The old woman looked at it then up into Ryan’s eyes with a pleading look. Ryan didn’t flinch.

“But...” Mimi didn’t want to take it. 

“You can’t breathe properly if you don’t.” Ryan reminds her. “What if you...” He doesn’t finish the sentence. Everyone in the room knew what he meant. 

“Fine.” Mimi took the pill from his hand. Ryan felt a small burn when their skin met. Mimi put the pill in her mouth and Ryan helped her drink the water to swallow it down. “Thank you.” Mimi says softly.

“Don’t thank me,” Ryan shakes his head. “I care about you, I  _want_  to do this.”

“Thank you.” Mimi thanks him again anyway. She seems a bit off to Ryan, but he decides it’s because she’s just woken up. “Did you have fun tonight?” She asks.

“I got lots of candy.” Ryan holds up his bag. “We all did.”

“I’m glad.” Mimi smiles softly. “If you have a spare plain milk chocolate bar to spare, I’d be very grateful.”

Ryan dug through his bag, Gavin dug through his as well. They both gifted Mimi with bars of chocolate in varying sizes until Mimi had a little stash as well. 

“Thank you, boys.” Mimi smiles, using a shaky hand to open up a smaller Hershey bar. Biting into, she gives a pleased noise. “So good.”

“I didn’t know you liked chocolate, Mimi.” Ryan tells her. She nods. 

“I do, very much.” She smiles again. “When I was a young girl, it would be the most magical thing in the world when my father would come back from work with a bar of chocolate for me to split with my siblings.”

“Where are you siblings now, Mimi?” Gavin asks. She looks up at him, with a sudden sadness in her eyes. 

“I’m afraid that I’m all who’s left.” She answers him in a small voice. “Even my baby sister went before me.”

“Oh...” Gavin frowns apologetically. “I’m sorry for asking.”

“No, no.” Mimi smiles a bit sadly. “They say it’s when you think of those who’ve passed away, that it’s when they’re the most alive again.”

“I think of my mum a lot.” Gavin gives her a small sad smile in return. Mimi feels pain in her heart for Gavin every time she remembers that he’s without his mother. Ryan feels the sadness radiating off of both of them and he feels uncomfortable. He’s no good at being helpful in these situations. Often times others’ sadness is overwhelming to Ryan. 

He wonders if anyone else has the same problem of feeling awkward around sadness. Like he’s unable to do much when others are sad. Or that he’s somehow outside of the ability to help others cope with sadness. It sucks because Ryan really wants to comfort both of them. Ryan hates that he’s so useless sometimes. 

So far, along with the not-sleeping-over-at-Barb’s thing, Ryan’s feeling pretty darn useless. Though, he’s glad he didn’t stay over at Barbara’s house. Who knows how Mimi would’ve been if they hadn’t returned when they did. 

Now that Mimi was settled and pretty much ready to go back to bed, Ryan stood up and looked over at Gavin. 

“Should we sleep downstairs incase you need something?” Ryan asks her, almost sure he’ll still sleep downstairs even if she said no.

“Please don’t.” Mimi’s voice wasn’t as raspy. “I’ve had my medication and I’ll be fine now. I can walk on my own again, and I’ve got my cane right here. So, don’t you worry, go be comfortable upstairs.”

“Are you sure?” Ryan’s brow furrowed. Mim simply gave him a look that told him ‘seriously, Ryan, stop asking’, so he did. “Alright, alright. We’re going up, now.”

“Goodnight, boys.” She smiled at them. Gavin came over to hug her, Ryan followed suit this time. It didn’t burn as badly as he thought it would. Her night dress was long sleeved so there wasn’t too much skin contact so he managed alright. 

Ryan turned her bedroom light back off and he and Gavin quickly made their way up to Ryan’s room. The Brit tripped over his backpack that he’d carelessly left in the middle of Ryan’s bedroom on the floor. Gavin rolled his eyes and kicked the bag to the side, out of the way. 

“I told you to move it before we left.” Ryan shrugged. “Also, I’m surprised Mimi didn’t say anything about our ridiculous face makeup.”

“I’m pretty sure she was far too busy...trying to breathe to notice.” Gavin said seriously. “That was  _terrifying_.”

“I’m so glad we came back to the house when we did.”

“Me too.” Gavin ays. “I’m glad I was there to help, also. I would’ve felt like horrible if you’d told me what happened tomorrow and I hadn’t been here.”

“Well, you were here so it’s alright.” Ryan leaned over to kiss Gavin’s lips briefly. “Shall we wash this makeup off our faces.”

“Yes, please.” Gavin walks over to his kicked backpack to retrieve his toothbrush as well. “I can feel the candy sticking to my teeth, no way I could sleep without brushing.”

“Ditto,” Ryan pulls the sweatshirt over his head and dropped it onto the chair at his desk. “Oh, wait!”

“What?” Gavin unzips his hoodie as well. 

“I want a picture with us like this, with the face paint and stuff.” Ryan takes Mimi’s polaroid camera off of his desk, which is sitting next to the laptop. He hadn’t really mentioned to Gavin how much he really enjoys it, but  he already knows. Gavin knows that if Ryan wasn’t using it, he wouldn’t see a million posted-notes sticking out of it.  

The camera though, Mimi told him he could have it, especially since she doesn’t use it anymore. Ryan hadn’t taken too many pictures of anything with the camera so far. A few pictures of himself and Gavin together, others of just Gavin by himself. He finds those especially beautiful. 

Gavin agreed to the photo of them for today. He stood next to Ryan and smiled for the camera. The camera flashed and Ryan took the picture as it was printed out. Pleased with it, he put it on his desk. The pictures he’d been taken ended up on a stack on his desk. He hadn’t pinned them up on the cork board and he wasn’t entirely sure why he hadn’t. He felt like they served a different purpose, other than what the cork board did. Ryan wanted to get some yarn and small clothespins so he could hang their photos in a different manner. 

~*~

Teeth brushed and faces washed, Gavin and Ryan sat on the bed together. They were still fully clothed. And both of them were being a bit distant for different reasons. Gavin had gotten caught up thinking about his mother and Ryan was still feeling useless, also still a bit nervous about Mimi. 

Ryan was so caught up that he didn’t hear Gavin moving closer to him, but he felt sudden lips against his cheek. With the small kiss, Ryan felt a bit of his tension melt away. He turned his head so he could meet Gavin’s lips with his own. He relaxed more, so much so that he hummed when Gavin ran his hand from Ryan’s shoulder to his bicep. 

The older male pulled back slightly, a sudden shyness closing over him. Gavin pet Ryan’s arm gently. 

“Are you alright?” Gavin asks him, speaking in a soft voice. “We can stop if you want, I know I’ve been all over you tonight.”

“Why?” 

“Huh?”

“Why have you...been all over me?”

“Well...” Gavin shrugs. “I don’t know.”

“Oh...” Ryan looks down at his lap. “I...don’t wanna stop kissing you. I was just wondering.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Ryan nods, leaning forward to close the space between them. When their lips meet again, Gavin’s hand tightens a bit reflexively on Ryan’s arm. 

The kiss was normal, a simple press of the lips. It was normal, until Ryan felt pressure against his bottom lip from Gavin’s tongue. The sensation was entirely new and Ryan’s pulse  spasmed. He moved away a little, his body, not his lips. They stayed connected to Gavin’s. 

When Ryan moved slightly away, Gavin dropped his hand from Ryan’s arm, to let Ryan have his disconnected space. Then suddenly, Ryan felt Gavin retreat away from the kiss entirely, breaking the kiss to look away. 

“Sorry, Ryan...” Gavin says, avoiding Ryan’s eyes. The older male didn’t respond. “I don’t know why I did that...just now. I know you’re new to all of this and-”

Gavin was cut off by Ryan crashing their lips together. The Brit was stunned by Ryan’s insistence. The kiss was hard and hungry, the energy that transferred into Gavin from Ryan sent the younger male’s skin vibrating. 

What Gavin felt next was wet against his lips, textured with subtle taste buds. Gavin didn’t hesitate to give Ryan access, he parted his lips for the entry. He wasn’t sure if Ryan knew what to do at this point, so for the second time, Gavin makes the first move. 

With caution and slowness that would allow Ryan to stop at any point, that would allow Ryan to consent to all of this, Gavin moved his tongue against Ryan’s. It was a gentle, slow sweep and Gavin felt Ryan’s body shift slightly when it happens. Gavin could feel Ryan’s leg press against his own as Ryan moves back, closer to Gavin. 

When Ryan swept his tongue back against Gavin’s, the younger let a soft noise, and that was when he knew he should probably stop. Gavin pulled back slowly, to alert Ryan that the kiss was separating. Ryan made a sound that Gavin couldn’t interpret the meaning of. Maybe it was just Gavin’s imagination, but the noise sounded disappointed, not ready to disconnect. 

As Gavin finally sat up right completely, ready to open his eyes, he took a deep breath before actually opening them. He sees Ryan isn’t looking at him anymore, instead wiping his hands on his jeans. 

He hears Ryan say ‘holy fuck’ under his breath and this makes Gavin laugh. Ryan looks up at him when he hears the laughter, he responds with a lopsided grin. It’s not a full smile, maybe because Ryan seems to be in a state of shock or something. His eyes are wide, and they’ve stayed that way since they opened after the kiss. He can’t sit still. 

“Are you ok?” Gavin just has to ask. Ryan’s eyes are darting in many directions like he’s looking for shards of himself that are scattered around the quiet room. “Hello?” He waves his hand in front of Ryan’s face. 

“What the  _hell_  just happened to me, Gavin?” Ryan’s eyes are still pretty wide. 

“I don’t know what you mean?”

“Like something came over me, I swear I was possessed!” Ryan exclaims, extending his hands to Gavin’s, palm facing up. “My hands are sweaty. And I freaking lunged at you, and I didn’t even really want to...it was like I  _needed_  to.”

Ryan is looking at Gavin like he just saw a ghost and wanted to know if Gavin had seen it as well.

“Remember how you said you just realized that you found me hot?” Gavin asks, an eyebrow risen. Ryan nods eagerly, waiting for what the follow up to that is. “Well, now I think you’ve just realized that you find me  _really_  hot.”

Ryan looks at Gavin like he’d copied off the Brit’s test and ending up getting an F anyway, like Gavin had just given him all wrong answers. “No, Gavin you dope. That can’t be it.”

“What?” Gavin knits his eyebrows together. 

“It wasn’t like...I didn’t feel the same way at the beach as I do now! This is different!”

“Something different?” Gavin giggles at himself. Ryan only glares. 

“This is no time for puns, Gavin! Something seriously just happened to me!”

“Would you chill out,  _bleeding hell_ , Ryan.” Gavin shakes his head. “Is this going to happen every time we make an advancement into the physical side of our relationship?”

“Dude!” Ryan’s hands go up again. “My  _hands_ , Gavin!”

Gavin sighs, and flops back onto Ryan’s bed. 

“Three steps forward, two steps back with you, I swear.”

“My  _hands_!”

_____________________________

In effort to help Ryan forget about his hands for the rest of the night, the pair return downstairs to feast on their heist cookies. They warm a few in the microwave and eat them with milk. Gavin only drinks his milk, he frowns at Ryan as the older male dips his cookies into his own milk. 

“Ugh,” Gavin shivers at the sight. 

“What’s your problem?” Ryan raises a brow as he sticks the now soggy part of the cookie into his mouth. 

“It’s...all mushy.”

“Yeah, it’s awesome.” Ryan grins widely, taking another bite after dipping again. 

“Ugh, it’s all...mushy and...ugh there’s stuff floating in your milk and...it’s horrible.” Gavin tries not to gag. 

“Oh, right.” Ryan says with his mouth full. “Geoff said that you have an issue with wet bread?”

The very  _mention_ of the wet bread made Gavin-

“Seriously, shut the hell up, Ry.” Gavin’s eyes began to water a bit as he held back another gag. “I’m gonna vom.”

“Alright, alright.” Ryan finished the cookie and moved onto the next. “Hey,”

Gavin looks up at Ryan, who wasn’t currently looking back. But, Gavin knew what the ‘hey’ meant. But, this time, he decided to beat Ryan to it. 

“I love you.” Gavin said smugly. He meant it of course, but the look of surprise and defeat on Ryan’s face was  _delicious_. 

“Damn it, Gavin.” Ryan frowned, reaching a hand up to move his hair from his eyes. “I wanted to say it first.”

“Nope.” Gavin crinkled his nose cheekily at Ryan. 

“I love you too, asshole.” Ryan gave Gavin a small kick under the table. Gavin slumped down into his chair a bit so he’d have enough of an angle to hook his ankles and hold Ryan’s foot in place. Ryan used his other foot to try and set his captured one free. Before long, the two boys are playing footsie like children. Eventually, settling for letting their legs being intertwined from the ankle down. 

“Are you nervous?” Gavin looks up at Ryan, who is mid putting a large bite of cookie into his mouth. The younger male giggles at the way Ryan’s cheeks puff up, full of cookie. 

“About what?” Ryan again, speaks with his mouth full. He looks like a baby and Gavin coos, coaxing a confused look to cloud Ryan's face. It only makes him cuter. 

“Who’s my little Ry?” Gavin sputters. “Who is it??” Followed by gurgling ‘Gavin noises’. 

“Stoooooop,” Ryan blushes, giving Gavin’s ankle a squeeze between his own. “Just fucking ask me what I’m nervous about...or if I’m nervous about it...or whatever.”

“The others coming over tomorrow.”

“Oh, forgot about that.” Ryan thinks for a minute. “Shit, I don’t know. Should I be nervous?”

“If you’re not nervous, then it’s whatever. Or...it’s good I guess. I was just curious.”

“Nope, not nervous.” Ryan declares, Gavin smiles proudly. 

“Good,” Gavin nods. “Are you gonna talk to them?”

“Probably not.” Ryan licks chocolate from his finger. “Dare I say ‘hell no’?”

“Hell no?” Gavin repeats. 

“Fuck no, as a matter of fact.” Ryan confirms, with a tiny smirk that indicates that he’s just kidding. Of course he was going to at least  _try_  to talk to them. He’s gotten better at it, anyway.

Ryan wonders if he should’ve alerted Mimi earlier that there would be more guests than just Gavin visiting tomorrow. 

Ryan decides that he’ll tell her in the morning. 

“You’re so silly, Ry.” Gavin comments, watching his boyfriend chug down the rest of his milk. 

Gavin sighs contently watches the way Ryan shamelessly enjoys his cookies and milk, feeling their connecting ankles under the table. 

Gavin’s glad he didn’t stay over at Barb’s. He wonders what conversations he’s missing out on, what laughs he could be having, he thinks about just enjoying time with them. 

But he’s happy here. Eating cookies in the quiet farm house. This is where he wants to be. 

He misses it, misses them...his friends. But, nothing compares to sitting here with his Ry. 

Absolutely nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going away this week for a few days and I might not be able to work on my writing (on my laptop) at all, so I'm sorry if there's a delay on the next upcoming chapter. 
> 
> Things to look forward to in the next few upcoming chapters:
> 
> Gavin has his first Thanksgiving, with Ry of course  
> Ryan has another therapist appointment. Will this one be better or worse?  
> Gavin is UNGROUNDED WHOO! Should've put that one first  
> Will Ryan get his spot on the news paper? Will he like it?  
> Will Ryan join the theater club?  
> Geoff interviews Ryan for his project (finally!)  
> Ryan takes Gavin to visit his mother :)  
> Gavin goes away for winter break, how will that go for he and Ry?
> 
> NONE OF THESE ARE SPOILERS, Gav/Ry have talked about them already in previous chapters. I'm just saying that I'm looking forward to these things happening, hopefully you all are too!
> 
> Bye everyone, <3
> 
>  
> 
> To anyone reading this right now, hello!  
> It's currently the...-checks date- 16th of November, and I'm so sorry for the long wait. I've been trying to balance my job and uni coursework! Also, a bit of writer's block...but, I've been writing, I promise!  
> I'm almost finished with the next chapter. So, you'll be hearing from me again, soon :)
> 
> Thanks for being so patient with me. <3 I love you
> 
> UPDATE: Chapter 20 is with my lovely beta! :) Post it when it's completely edited! (Hopefully within the next 24 hours!)


	20. Liquid Atmosphere

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We’ll catch colds if we stay out here too long, Gavin.” 
> 
> “Then,” Gavin grabs a hold of Ryan’s damp tshirt. “Be quick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!
> 
> Let's play the 'How Many Betas Does ThatMavin Need, In Order To Fix All of Their Horrible Mistakes' game!  
> Two, it takes TWO BETAS! That's right, everyone. Along with Becky, who as always, has done a fantastic job with yet another chapter, we now have the lovely Elizabeth tidying up the fic as well. Both betas are lovely, perfect and amazing geniuses! 
> 
> Thank you both, so much for putting up with my horrible mistakes and poor English. -_-" <3  
> I love you (^_^)"/"
> 
> Sorry again for the wait you guys! I already have two thousand words written for the chapter coming after this one. So, yaay. Hopefully a shorter wait. Plus, there are holidays coming up and I won't have as much work/school work, in the way of the fic!
> 
> This chapter isn't my favorite to be honest! It's a bit on the fluffier side, however...there are many serious things coming up, that I'm looking forward to!
> 
> Ok, that's all. Enjoy, talk with you all soon. 
> 
> And As Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin

 

 

 

 

 

 

> **To** : Ryan Haywood
> 
> **From** : Sir JJ of Center Stage
> 
> Ryan, it is with a heavy heart that I must inform you of troublesome news. Your article, that you submitted to me, was over the 1K word limit that I asked you to stay within. Because of this, you will be called ‘Nooby Nooberton’ amongst your fellow Newspaper Staff members, until you can learn to follow a set of  _clear instructions_. 
> 
> AKA, welcome to the paper, dude! Sorry for being all dramatic in the beginning. I like suspense. Anyway, thanks for submitting your article. It was great, man! Of course, I’m not upset about the word count. I just wanted to scare you. You were only a few hundred words over. That usually isn’t a problem unless we run out of space to fit the article onto the paper. Which, probably won’t ever be a problem. 
> 
> However, the topic was a bit strange. I don’t understand who would keep a cow in a hole...or name a cow Edgar. But, to each their own. 
> 
> The News Room is always open, so feel free to stop by whenever for official club business. Or, just to chill out. We all hang out there  _literally_  whenever we don’t have class. If the door is ever locked, just ask Burnie for the key. Or the receptionist at the main office desk. 
> 
> The official club meeting days are Tuesdays and Thursdays from 3PM to 5PM. But, if those days and times don’t work out for your schedule, fear not! You can still be on the staff. We’ll just correspond through emails more often or meet at some other time that’s more convenient. 
> 
> Also, let me know if you would rather work on the printed newspaper, or the online blog. You technically  _could_  do both, but I don’t want to overload you. 
> 
> Wednesdays after school, we hold movie night in the News Room. It doesn’t count as ‘official club business’, but it’s hella fun! And you can bring your boyfriend...well, you could bring him  _any_  time. But  _this_ will actually be fun, unlike having him watch you do research for two hours. For movie night, we order pizza and watch something using the projector. So, it’s like having our own little cinema. Sometimes we use the projector to play video games too! It’s pretty cool. 
> 
> Get back to me with any questions via email, or whatever. Along with  _this_  email, I’m attaching a document containing the contact information for all of the other News Crew members. Should you need to contact them. Ok? Ok.
> 
> **Take it easy,**
> 
> **J.J :)**

_____________________________

Ryan read the email with a wide smile on his face. He didn’t know what to do, or what to say. He knew that he should email J.J back, but he couldn’t think of anything to say besides: thank you. But, he tried to think about this like getting a legit job, what he would say to someone who was hiring him. He shrugged and typed out that he was glad that J.J had enjoyed the article, and some stuff about being excited to work with them. Also, that he’d try and make it to some of the movie or game nights, because it really did sound like fun. 

However, Ryan mentioned that his grandmother wasn’t doing her best, so he might have to miss out on some meetings or fun days. He said that he hoped J.J and the others would understand. Then, Ryan sent the email reply. 

He glanced over at Gavin before getting up from his seat. Ryan came over to his boyfriend and tried again to wake him up. 

Ryan was awake before Gavin this morning. It took him a few moments as usual, to shake his disorientation. But once it cleared he tried to wake Gavin up by pressing kisses all over his face. 

The Brit only stirred. Ryan tried another method, shaking him gently and calling his name. This resulted in Gavin scrunching his face and whining like an infant. With his last resort, Ryan took a large inhale and blew it in Gavin’s face, dragon style of course. Between bouts of blowing air into Gavin’s face, Ryan yelled ‘morning breath!’ and still, nothing from Gavin. Just more whining. Finally, Gavin pulled the blanket over his head and proceeded to sleep. 

The older male sighed and pat Gavin’s bottom. 

“Sleep forever, then.” Ryan says as he pulls himself from the bed. He was still only wearing his underwear. He decided for at least  _some_  decency, he’ll throw on some sweatpants. With those on, Ryan debated on what to do next. 

He glanced at the clock and saw that it was still pretty early, so he could have some more time on his laptop before going down to fix Mimi breakfast, and tell her about the others visiting the farm today. 

 

~*~

It’s about a half hour later, when Gavin finally starts to slowly wake up. He rolls onto his back and stretches a bit, arms going slightly outwards on either side of him. It’s clear that he’s looking for Ryan. With a glance to his left and right, he sits up and looks over to the sound of the keyboard clacking on Ryan’s laptop. 

Ryan isn’t looking at Gavin, but he knows that the Brit is awake now. Gavin is still waking up a bit, watching Ryan at his computer. He yawns and lets the silence between them slowly bring him to full consciousness. 

“Morning.” Gavin finally says something before reaching up to run a hand through his blonde messy hair. 

“Morning, Gav.” Ryan responds, still not looking at him. The Brit doesn’t mind so much, it just gives him an excuse to get out of bed and get Ryan’s attention on his own. 

The younger male slinks out of bed and strides over to Ryan, stopping to pick up Ryan’s tshirt from the previous day, pulling it over his head because he’s a little cold. 

“What are you doing?” Gavin leans forward and wraps his arms around Ryan’s shoulders from behind. He sees maps all across the screen. Three maps from three different websites. “Maps?”

“For visiting my mother.” Ryan says, finally tilting his head back to see Gavin. “I was trying to plan out our trip.”

“Any luck?”

“Kind of...” Ryan puckers his lips at Gavin, asking for a kiss. Gavin leans down and brings their lips together briefly. The kiss is upside down, and Gavin feels silly for thinking it, but kissing Ryan like this reminds him of Spiderman. 

“Why only ‘kind of’?” Gavin tries to act cool, but kissing Ryan, Spiderman style or not, always jumpstarts his heart. 

“Well, here’s the fucking thing.” Ryan rolls his eyes and sits upright again. He brings up a PDF of their fall term schedule for their school. “Our Thanksgiving break, it's almost a week long, six days.”

“Ok,” Gavin nods. “That’s a good amount of time.”

“It is, it really is.” Ryan agrees. “But, there’s  _so much_  driving time, especially if we stop to rest at all. I would love to drive continuously to knock out the travel time, so we’d have more time to spend around my hometown and with my mom.”

“But, you can’t drive for...” Gavin tries to figure in his head how far it is from Texas to Georgia, but his American geography is crap.

“All three websites say the drive is roughly sixteen-ish hours.”

“Holy shit, really?” Gavin’s eyebrows rise, his arms still around Ryan’s shoulders, chin resting on the top of his boyfriend’s head. He feels Ryan’s head bob as he nods. “So...that’s almost a whole day of driving.”

“Yeah,” Ryan nods again. “Which would be lots of fun, you know? To have our own little road trip.”

“It would be fun, yeah.”

“But, ok. Ready for the details?” Ryan asks. 

“Lay em on me, Ry.”

“Alright, so our break, six days like I said, is from Wednesday, to the following Monday.”

“Yup.”

“Thanksgiving is on a Thursday.”

“Ok.”

“So, if we have Thanksgiving with Mimi, and then leave the next day...” Ryan thinks aloud. “We’d have the sixteen hours of driving ahead of us, maybe stopping in motels once or twice.” 

“So, basically, we’d spend a day of travel and get to Georgia on the same Friday, very late?”

“Yeah.”

“Then...that Saturday, we’d go see your mother.”

“I guess?” Ryan shrugs. “So...we’d have all of Saturday, including the mom visit and maybe sight seeing? Like I could show you stuff. But, then we’d need Sunday to drive back, again stopping once or twice and getting home on Monday.”

“That’s a lot of travel time, and literally only one day to just meander around your hometown and see your mum.”

“I  _know_.” Ryan sighs. “In my head, it was so much more time for dicking around in Georgia, not all of this travel. And only barely  one and a half days with my mom?”

“Aw,” Gavin frowns. “I wish the break was longer or something.”

“Me too.”

“And then all the money for petrol...and possibly motel bills.” Gavin frowns more. “And I can’t  _bleeding_  drive. If I could drive, we could maybe stop less because I could just take over for you.”

“Don’t feel bad about that.” Ryan shakes his head. “I knew that you couldn’t drive before planning the trip, silly.”

“I won’t be any help, though.” Gavin frowns. 

“You could be my navigator.” Ryan smiles, bringing a hand up to pat one of Gavin’s arms. “My little navi-Gav.”

“Lame.” Gavin tips his head down to kiss Ryan’s hair. He feels the older male’s shoulders rise and fall as he sighs again. “Why the sighing?”

"I interneted the driving route on  _three different_  websites, hoping to come up with an alternate route that would give me faith that we wouldn’t have a 16 to 17 hour drive ahead of us."

"Did you just use internet as a verb?" 

"I did," Ryan nods. “I’m sorry, Gav.”

“About what? The trip? Don’t be.” Gavin says. “But...is it worth it to go?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m not devaluing the part about seeing your mum.” Gavin assures him. “But, I mean all the driving, all the petrol, all the money and time, for that part. Is it...worth it for only one full day in Georgia?”

“I...don’t know honestly.” Ryan sighs again. "Maybe this just wasn't a good idea..."

"No!" Gavin tightens his arms around Ryan’s shoulders. "It's a really good idea, Ryan. I just think we need a better plan."

"Like what?"

"Well my dad and I traveled a lot, even before we moved to America."

"Ok."

"And, we have special deals with airlines because of our frequent flying. I don’t have many points racked up for the US airlines, but my dad does.” Gavin informs him. “I'm assuming a flight from Texas to Georgia couldn't be more than a couple hours or so. We could probably fly, Ryan."

Ryan is very hesitant, he isn't sure how he feels about flying with Gavin. It doesn't really have anything to do with  _Gavin_ , it's just that Ryan had been looking forward to having the little road trip with his boyfriend. 

Gavin notices that Ryan has gone quiet. "Are you okay, Ry?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just really wanted to have a road trip with you. That's all."

"Ryan," Gavin can't help but smile. "We have all the time in the world to travel anywhere we like together. But right now we need to be really efficient with our time, and go see your mum."

"Ugh, you're right." Ryan runs a hand over his face. "How much will I have to pay your dad?"

"For...the ticket? I don't know, that's something we are going to have to work out. Maybe...we could all sit down together to work it out, including Mimi."

"Alright," Ryan nods. "But, why would your dad even want to help me?"

"He  _likes_  you, Ry." Gavin groans. "How many times do I have to say it?"

"Eh," Ryan shrugs. "Until it feels true, I guess."  

Gavin giggles. "You're so silly, Ry." 

"So you keep telling me." Ryan leans back into Gavin’s chest. "We should probably start working out the details of this whole trip soon. In case we need time to work details and things out."

"Yeah, I agree." Gavin glances at the clock on the computer screen. "I'll ask my dad about it when I get home, like...tomorrow night."

"Okay," Ryan clears his throat. "I'll bring it up with Mimi that night as well."

"Ok," Gavin smiles, butterflies of excitement starting to brew in his stomach. Taking a trip alone with Ryan was appealing for many reasons. He was also looking forward to meeting Ryan's mother. He had such high hopes that things would go well, and he really doesn't want Ryan to be disappointed. “Do you mind if I look up the flight time from Texas to Georgia?”

“Nah,” Ryan scoots back from the desk. “Go ahead.” He’s about to get up to give Gavin the seat, when the blonde plants himself into Ryan’s lap. He isn’t heavy at all, but his weight is solid and it’s warm across Ryan’s legs. 

Ryan raises an eyebrow as Gavin begins typing. 

“Hm...” Gavin hums thoughtfully as he begins typing into Google. 

“Comfortable?” Ryan can’t help but give an amused chuckle. Gavin wasn’t listening fully and turns his head to glance at Ryan. 

“Huh?”

“Nothing.” Ryan shakes his head and wraps his arms around Gavin’s middle. 

“No, what’d you say...you donut.” Gavin turns back to the laptop and scrolls down. 

“I just asked if you were comfortable.” Ryan answers, Gavin’s left hand finds its way into Ryan’s hair. 

“I am, thank you.” Gavin takes his hand from Ryan’s hair as he focuses on the webpage. “Ok, so a flight from the closest airport in our town, to the closest airport near the destination you put into the other webpages...is 2-3 hours.”

“That’s  _it_?”

“It’s a hell of a lot less than 16 hours, right Ry?”

“Fuck yeah it is.” Ryan nods approvingly. “Good job, babe!”

Gavin looks away from the screen and at Ryan again. “I like it when you call me ‘babe’, Ryan.” Gavin informs him, as if he didn’t already know.

“I’m aware,” Ryan tightens his hold on Gavin. “I like calling you it.”

“Good.” Gavin reaches up a hand to Ryan’s face and pets him fondly. 

“Do I need to shave?”

“How should I know?”

“Feel if I’m super prickly and gross.”

“You can feel your own face, I’m sure.” Gavin comments, but he does it anyway. 

Gavin rubs the pads of his fingers to Ryan’s face, then the back of his knuckles. It’s a bit prickly, but not off putting at all. “It’s a little rough, but I like it.”

“Hm,” Ryan hums and brings his own hand to his face. “I’ll leave it then, I don’t feel like shaving anyhow.”

“Alright.” Gavin nods. 

“I made it onto the paper, by the way.” Ryan announces, Gavin looks confused. 

“What paper?”

“The school news-”

“Ohhhh! You did??” Gavin beams and wraps his arms tightly around Ryan. “You did it, love!”

“Yeah.” Ryan grins, blushing because of the pet-name.

“When’d you find out?”

“I read my email before you woke up.”

“You should’ve woken me up!”

“I tried, you were literally a log.”

“I’m sorry.” Gavin leans forward and kisses Ryan’s cheek. “Let’s celebrate! I’m hungry.”

“Haha, you wanna celebrate by eating?”

“Best way to celebrate, I find.” Gavin jokes, but he really is hungry though. 

“Wanna go wake up Mimi and get breakfast started?” Ryan suggests.

“Yes, please.”

_____________________________

David Free had been awake for several hours. He’d woken up before the sun had risen and couldn’t go back to sleep. He spent the past few hours feeling lonely, which was a common feeling. It had gone away while Sam was home, but it was back again. Especially with Gavin not home.

Of course, David didn’t have anything to say about Gavin being away anymore. He was ungrounded now, so David probably wouldn’t see any of him. That made him worry a little bit. He liked to keep tabs on Gavin, to know he was somewhere safe. 

He was aware that his treatment of Gavin...wasn’t the best. Not by any means. But, he cared about his well being very much. He liked to know that he was alright. It was a fair guess, to assume that he was with Ryan. 

Still, Gavin couldn’t fault him for calling, right?

With a hesitant hand, he picked up his phone. Pushing Gavin’s icon, he dialed the boy’s number. It rang a few times, then went to voicemail. When it beeped, David began speaking. 

“Hey, lad. Learn to pick up your bloody mobile, yeah?” He chuckled then cleared his throat. “Um, anyway...just wondering where you are. When you get the chance, shoot me a text or call me back. Alright, that’s it. Have fun with your boyfr-” He was cut off by the ‘call-waiting’ sound. He pulled his phone away from his ear to see Gavin’s name on the screen. Gavin was calling him back. 

David clicked over to that call. 

“Hi, Dad.” Gavin sounded a bit out of breath. “Sorry, that I didn’t answer the first time. I mean...I was downstairs and my phone was upstairs.”

“Alright.” David nods. 

“Are you mad? Don’t be mad. I’ve just been ungrounded and-”

“Technically, I never bloody ungrounded you.”

“Really? Ugh, for fu-” Gavin caught himself. “What do I have to do to be ungrounded?”

“You could’ve started by telling me that you weren’t coming home last night.”

“Sorry, Dad.”

“It’s fine.” David sighs. “You’re officially ungrounded.”

“Really?” Gavin grins. “Yes! Thank you, Dad!”

“Yeah, yeah.” David rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling as well. “If you wanna stay ungrounded, keep your damn grades up. Tell me when you’re not coming home. Also, don’t go about snogging your boyfriend all over the streets, yeah?”

Gavin smirks, ready to test his father’s limits. He doesn’t know why he thinks this is a good idea, especially after just being ungrounded, but he does it anyway. 

“Buuuut, snogging him in the house is fine?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” David curses, but it’s blended in between breathy laughter. “Sure, Gav. Whatever.”

“Alright, Dad.” Gavin laughs too. 

“But, I was  _serious_  about that, and the other stuff.” Mr. Free is back to being stern. “I know you’re young and want to do things without having to tell your dear old dad. Just...be careful, please? You don’t really  _have_ to tell me where you’re going and when. I’d like that but-”

“Are you trying to say that you trust me?”

“What?” David raises a brow. “Yeah, I trust you. I’ve always trusted you.”

“But...” Gavin stops himself, and just’s takes the compliment before he ruins this moment of kindness. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, mate.”

“Oh, hey.” Gavin clears his throat. “I was meaning to ask you something.”

“Um, alright.”

“Ryan is giving a tour of his farm to our friends.” Gavin announces. “Can I bring the twins? They’d like to see it, I bet.”

_I’d like to see it, too_. David thinks, but he knows he’d probably put a damper on things if he came. He worries if Gavin has told his friends about what a piece of shit father he is. If they’ll all glare when he shows his face. If Ryan would tell him to leave, or if Ryan’s grandmother will. 

“Dad?” Gavin speaks when his father remains quiet.

“Huh?” David regains focus. “Oh...uh, sure. I don’t care. Take them.”

“Are you ok?” Gavin can hear the sudden sullen tone his father has. 

“Yeah,” David answers kind of quietly, but he makes up for it by biting at Gavin. “Why the fuck wouldn’t I be?”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Gavin shakes his head. “I just thought that-”

“You thought wrong.”

“Dad, you don’t have to be afraid to tell me if-”

“Shut up.” David puts up the bitterness like a shield around himself. “I’m gonna hang up now.”

“Is this...because you want to come to the-”

“When are you picking up the kids?”

Gavin sighs when he accepts that his father isn’t going to talk this out with him. 

“Well, Ry, Mimi and I just got done having breakfast.” Gavin says. “Maybe in the early afternoon, I’ll get the twins.”

“Alright.”

“Is that ok?”

“If it wasn’t, I would’ve said so.”

“Ok, well...thanks.” Gavin says. “Bye, love you.”

“You too.” David hangs up and runs his hands over his face. 

He hated to feel this vulnerable. Especially in front of Gavin. He glanced at the cupboard where he kept his alcohol. David hasn’t had a drink since Sam’s left. He isn’t sure  _why_ , but...he knows that he doesn’t want to, not right now. Not for a while. He closed his eyes tightly then left the room.

Quickly, he made his way up the stairs to his bedroom. He closed the door behind him, and picked up his wife’s photo from his nightstand and looked at it. He traced his thumb over her smile, like he’s done many times, indicated by the number of smudges on the glass. He pressed his lips to her forehead and held the picture to his chest. 

He thought about what Sam said regarding Gavin. How David should think of how Gavin felt when Julie died, how Gavin feels now with his piece of shit father. 

David closes his eyes and thinks about how the feeling of booze running down his throat would make all of this go away. He closed his eyes tightly again and took a deep breath, upon exhaling, he whispered the word ‘fuck’.

_____________________________

Mimi was excited when Gavin and Ryan informed her of the visit from the rest from the group. She’d been eager to meet them all since Ryan showed her the photos of them, from the photo booth.

When Gavin went upstairs to talk to his father, Mimi asked Ryan what hairstyle would be best to wear for the group. He just laughed and told her that he didn’t think it’d matter much. This disappointed her, and she huffed then folded her arms. She told Ryan that he didn’t get it, and that she’d wait until Gavin came back downstairs so that she could ask him instead. 

Gavin reappeared with a smile on his face. Ryan looked up at him as he came down the steps. He noticed Gavin’s grin and nodded approvingly. 

“You can bring the twins?” Ryan asks. 

“Yeah, but that’s not why I’m bloody chuffed!”

“You’re who? What?”

“I’m so happy,” Gavin continues to smile as he sits down. “My dad, Ry. I think...his walls are coming down. I feel like I understand him better. I feel like we might get somewhere.”

“Oh, really?” Ryan isn’t sure what to say, but he’s indeed happy for Gavin. He can’t figure out why he doesn’t feel like smiling too. Ryan suddenly feels out of place, he doesn’t understand why. 

“Yeah!” Gavin nods. “I think we might be able to be friends.”

“That’s great, Gavin.” Mimi gives him a soft smile. “I’m glad that things are getting better. Did something happen to make him wise up?”

“My brother talked to him.” Gavin shrugs. “Since Samuel left, my dad hasn’t really been a fire breathing dragon like usual.”

“That’s very good, then.” Mimi nods and Gavin smiles back at her. 

But, then Gavin looks at Ryan. The older male is slumped in his seat, arms folded and he’s looking distant. Ryan knows what’s bothering him now. 

“Are you alright, Ry?” Gavin asks, Ryan shrugs.

Ryan nods, but his eyes are still staring right through the walls of the farm house. Mimi glances between Gavin and Ryan before sitting up a bit taller. 

“I think I’ll do a French braid. Wrap it around my head and pin it with a flower clip.” Mimi says as she leverages herself on her cane, and leaves the kitchen and goes to her bedroom. Gavin knows it’s because she wants to leave them to talk. 

When Mimi is gone, Gavin clears his throat as he sits across the table from Ryan. 

“You gonna tell me what’s up?” Gavin asks.

Ryan shakes his head. 

“You’re just going to sit there, then?”

Ryan nods. 

“Did I do something to upset you?”

“No.” Ryan shakes his head again. 

“Will you talk to me about it?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I’m in a good mood, so you have to bring me down?” Gavin raises a brow. “Is that what this is?”

“The  _hell_?” Ryan furrows his brow. “I love you, why would I do that? You think I’m trying to shut you down?”

“No.” Gavin leans his elbows on the table. “But, I thought that might get a reaction out of you.”

“Are you sure that’s not what you really think? Because it’s far from the truth.”

“I’m sure.” Gavin smiles gently. “I promise.”

“You scared me.” Ryan chuckles nervously. “I like you happy, I wouldn’t try to ruin your mood like that. Sorry if I did.”

“No, I’m still happy as hell. I’ve been  _waiting_ for this, Ry.” Gavin says. “You should’ve heard his voice. He sounded so  _human_.”

“Good.”

“Yeah,” Gavin nods and then props his chin up on his hands. “So what is wrong?”

“Do I have to be honest?”

“I’d appreciate it.” Gavin watches as Ryan too puts his arms on the table. Ryan groans and runs the back of his knuckles against his jaw. 

“I don’t want to say it.”

“Say it. Please?” 

“I just...I’m worried.” Ryan avoids Gavin’s eyes.

“What? Why?”

“You’re happy, about your dad and all.”

“Yeah, and?”

“Well...I don’t want him to disappoint you. Or get your hopes up.” Ryan admits. Gavin looks at his boyfriend for a moment longer before reaching across the table and holding Ryan’s hand. 

“Thank you.” Gavin gives Ryan’s hand a squeeze. 

“For what?”

“Just for caring about me.” Gavin says. “Even if I do get my hopes up...and get let down, it’d still be the first hope my father has given me in years and I’ll take it.”

“But, Gav-”

“I’ll take it.” Gavin repeats and lets go of Ryan’s hand. “I’m going to go home now.”

“What?”

“I just wanna go for a walk,” Gavin stands up. “I’ll be back with the twins in like an hour.”

“Are...you...” Ryan sighs. “Did I piss you off?”

“No, love.” Gavin walks around to Ryan’s side of the table. “You could tell if I was mad.”

“I  _can_  tell,” Ryan pushes himself away from the table and stands up as well, wrapping his arms around Gavin. The younger male enjoys Ryan’s embrace. “I think you’re mad.”

“I’m really not.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” Gavin presses a kiss to the crook of Ryan’s neck. The older male hums as he gently nudges Gavin away so he can plant a soft kiss to Gavin’s lips. 

“See you soon.”

“Real soon, Ry.”

_____________________________

Gavin didn’t know why he suddenly wanted to leave Ryan’s house. He knew Ryan was right...about his father. The man was probably going to let him down. Gavin wanted to pretend that Ryan was wrong. That maybe his dad would follow through this time. 

The weight of Ryan’s truth was heavy in Gavin’s stomach, and he really just wanted to go on a walk. To breathe the heaviness away with some fresh air. Breathe it away with some space between himself and Ryan. 

He felt like if he had stayed in the farmhouse and had the chance to stare at Ryan for too long, that he’d end up blaming Ryan for saying what Gavin already knew was true. Gavin didn’t want to blame Ryan for that. Ryan hadn’t even done anything wrong, and Gavin had coaxed him into telling him anyway. 

As he walked home, he started missing Ryan. 

A silly thing love is. 

_____________________________

Ryan sat with Mimi as she did her hair. He knew eventually he’d have to help her, he didn’t say that though. Besides, he didn’t mind helping. 

“So,” Mimi said as she passed the brush through her hair. “Did you and Gavin have a talk?”

“Yeah.” Ryan nods, sitting up a bit as he is spoke. He’d been laying on his back, staring at the ceiling. However, now he’s on his tummy, propped up on his elbows. 

“Is everything alright, then?”

“Yeah.” Ryan says again. “I just...I decided to be honest with Gavin about how I felt...regarding his father and everything. I don’t know if I should’ve though.”

“What? Why?” Mimi’s brow furrows as she sits in front of her vanity mirror. She looks in the mirror back at Ryan. He breaks their brief eye contact and begins tracing the flowered pattern of Mimi’s duvet. “Telling people you care about the truth is very --  _ow_...” Mimi lowered her arms. “Important.” She finishes her sentence. 

“Need help?” Ryan asks. Mimi looks defeated, but she nods. 

“Thank you.” Mimi says as Ryan steps up and takes the brush, finishing smoothing out the tangles. 

“No problem.” Ryan responds. “But, Mimi...sometimes the truth can be upsetting to people, right?”

“Yes, but...hiding how you feel can make you stressed out and irritable. Next thing you know, you and Gavin might be fighting all the time because both of you are so pent up.” Mimi explains. “That’s why it’s important to tell each other what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling.”

Ryan groans. “But what if we start fighting because of all the truths that are hard to hear?”

“Would you rather fight and have a healthy, honest foundation to fall back on? Or...” Mimi looks up at Ryan in the mirror. “Would you rather argue, and then have to pretend everything is fine? When in reality you’re both holding so much pain inside.”

The boy’s eyebrows go up. “Well...damn.”

“I know.” Mimi nods, giggling because Ryan doesn’t realize he’s just cursed. But, it doesn’t bother her and she lets it slide. 

“You’re right...then.” Ryan nods as he runs his fingers through Mimi’s hair, looking for tangles. But, it’s perfectly brushed through. 

“Of course I’m right, Ryan.” She smiles. “I’m your grandma.”

“So, that makes you just automatically right, then?” Ryan teases, making the old woman laugh again.

“No, it makes me automatically wiser than you.” 

“Hm, I’ll let you have that one.” Ryan runs his fingers through her long hair again. He watches the silver strands cascade from between his fingers. “Do you need me to braid it now?”

“Do you remember how to French braid?” Mimi looks at him. “Remember what I taught you?”

“Uh...sure.” Ryan is uncertain, but he’s willing to try so Mimi can have her hair how she’d like it. He knows it’s important to her. 

“Ok, let’s see what you’ve got.” Mimi nods.

Ryan is about to start the braid when his phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out and looks at it, it’s Gavin, of course. 

> **Gavin** : On my way with Avery and Lilly, be there soon
> 
> **Ryan** : Ok, Gav. See you soon, I’ll meet you all out front.
> 
> **Gavin** : Good <3

Ryan puts his phone back in his pocket and looks at Mimi in the mirror. 

“That was Gav, he’s on his way with his little brother and sister.” Ryan announces, Mimi looks absolutely excited.

“Yay! Children!” Mimi says gleefully. “Someone close to my age to play with!” Ryan knits his eyebrows in disbelief, he lets out a laugh. 

“You’re so silly, Mimi.” Ryan says, pausing his motions for a second as he realizes that Gavin says  _that_  to him frequently. He’s picking up Gavin’s mannerisms and he’s not sure how to feel about it. Ryan decides it’s cute, if anything. 

_____________________________

Gavin actually feels a bit guilty, bringing the twins over to meet Mimi...without Sam. He feels like Sam missed out. Sure, Samuel got to meet  _Ryan_. But Mimi was another new important person in his life, and even though...he's still mad at Sam, he wanted him to meet Mimi. To get the full Ryan experience. 

Lilly and Avery walked on either side of their older brother. Gavin smiled at them softly should they make eye contact. However, they always had a really good sense of knowing when Gavin was upset or not. 

The young girl didn't understand why Gavin sounded so excited about taking them to the farm, to see the animals and to meet Mimi...yet seemed so sad once he was actually taking them there. Maybe it was grown up stuff. Things that she was too young to understand.

Avery didn't analyze as much as his sister. He just kind of stuck his lip out and reached up to take Gavin's hand. The older brother appreciated it. 

Ryan was standing out on the sidewalk in front of the farm's property, waiting for them. The others hadn't arrived, because Gavin hadn’t called them yet. So, Gavin and his siblings were the first to arrive. 

The twins waved excitedly, happy to see Ryan again. Gavin felt something warm and melty in his chest when Ryan flashed a wide, genuine, teeth-showing smile at the three of them. Gavin loved that Ryan could smile shamelessly in front of the the twins.

When Gavin saw how happy Ryan looked, Gavin felt something connect. He felt something heal. Something small, but meaningful. Gavin hated being so emotional all the time. But this emotion felt good. It felt safe. He wanted to kiss Ryan, and maybe he should've waited until they were alone, but he didn't.

Gavin let go of Avery's hand and took a few long strides to close the space between himself and Ryan. The Brit took his boyfriend's face in his hands and brought their lips together. Ryan was reasonably surprised. But without hesitation, he kissed back. Giving the Brit his small rhythmic peck kisses that Gavin has fallen in love with. Gavin returned each one, pulling back just enough to rub their noses together gently, then steps away. 

"Love you." Gavin whispers. 

"I love you, too." Ryan answers, looking over Gavin's shoulder at the children. "Um, hi Lilly, Avery."

The twins fold their arms. "Gross." Is what they chorus. Ryan and Gavin can only laugh. 

“I thought you said he wasn’t your boyfriend?” Avery looks at his brother.

“Yeah, and that was a  _boyfriend_  kiss.” Lilly agrees. 

“Oh, well...last time you asked it wasn’t official.” Gavin blushes. “Now it is.”

“Does that mean Ryan’s our brother now?” Avery gives another question. Ryan glances at Gavin before he breathes a subtle laugh at Gavin’s obvious loss of words. 

When Gavin doesn’t say anything, Ryan is given the rare opportunity to fill in Gavin’s silence. “Come meet Mimi.” Ryan says to the kids. Gavin looks at his Ry, he remembers when Ryan said  _that_  to him. It was the first night Gavin stayed over at the farmhouse.

Everything seems to be coming full circle. 

_____________________________

After introducing themselves, Avery and Lilly begin to talk to Mimi, seemingly about everything. Ryan and Gavin watch them sitting and talking at the kitchen table, from where they stood leaning against the counter tops. 

Ryan had his head on Gavin’s shoulder, Gavin had an arm around Ryan’s waist. 

“Can you call the others?” Ryan asks. “I mean, if you’re ready, Gav.”

“I am, if you are.”

Ryan takes a deep breath. “Yup.”

~*~

Gavin and Ryan were standing on the porch together, watching Jack’s pickup truck coming down the street. Geoff, Griffon and Jack were sitting in the front seats of the truck. Ray, Michael and Barbara were sitting in the truck’s bed. 

The truck pulled into the unpaved driveway, rising dry dirt and dust in its wake. Gavin flew down the front steps of the farm house. Ryan followed slowly behind. Suddenly, he felt incredibly shy. He  _knew_  the feeling was because he was worried what the others would think of the farm. 

Supposedly, friends aren’t supposed to ‘judge’, and Ryan thinks that the others are his friends. But still, living on a farm is uncommon and he’s worried that they’re picturing something far more grand and vibrant than his farm. 

When the truck came to a complete stop, Ryan watched as Michael hopped out of the bed of the truck first. He reaches up to help Barbara out as well. Ray followed. The truck doors open and out came Geoff, Griffon and Jack. They all came around to stand in a large semicircle in front of Ryan and Gavin. 

Ryan looked at them shyly, but Gavin stepped forward and opened his arms widely. 

“Hello guys!” Gavin chirps. “Welcome to the farm!”

“Dude, Ryan,” Geoff looks around himself. “Is  _all_  of this property your grandma’s?” Everyone looks at Ryan when Geoff asks. The boy nods. 

“My Mimi...she owns all of the fenced in area.” Ryan responds slowly, pacing himself so he can talk to the others.

“Dude, the whole place is fenced in.” Michael says. “This place is  _huge_.”

“It’s...it feels smaller once you get to know it.” Ryan speaks in a calm, shy voice. Gavin is just incredibly proud at how much he’s speaking at all. “Um, if you all will come inside so we can gather Gavin’s brother and sister...we can start the tour.”

“Are you gonna give us an official tour?” Ray chuckles at the idea of ‘Tour Guide Ryan’. 

“Ryan, you  _have_  to do it, like a real tour guide!” Michael exclaims. “Give me a fucking pamphlet, Ryan!”

“You guys,” Gavin speaks up. “Don’t pressure him. He can give the tour how he’d like.” He says protectively over Ryan. 

“It’s ok,” Ryan turns to him. “I know they’re joking.” 

The older male reaches to tap his fingertips to Gavin’s. The Brit holds his hands tightly, still feeling incredibly protective. Gavin doesn’t know where this urge to protect Ryan is coming from. Maybe it’s because he can sense that Ryan is feeling shy. Whatever it is, they better not mess with his Ry. 

The group follows Gavin and Ryan up the front steps of the farm house. Ryan can’t remember the last time there were this many people in the house. Well, maybe when all of the farm workers came in at once. It happened a while ago in September, and Ryan can’t remember why they all rushed in. 

When the group enters the kitchen, Mimi and the children look up. 

“Oh my,” Mimi looks at all of them, standing up supporting herself on her cane. “Look at all of our visitors.”

“This is Mimi and she’s one of my favorite people on the planet.” Gavin walks over to stand by her side. “This is Geoff, Barbara, Griffon, Jack, Michael and Ray.”

“Lovely to meet all of you,” Mimi smiles at them as Gavin puts an arm around her shoulders. “My name is Amelia, welcome to the farm.” 

“Thank you Ms. Amelia,” Griffon holds out her hand. “We’ve heard so much about you from the boys.”

“Please, call me Mimi.” Mimi shakes Griffon’s hand. “It’s lovely to have you, I love to meet Ryan’s friends. Make yourselves at home. I would enjoy walking the grounds with you all, I used to love to do that with my husband, when people would want tours. But...I don’t think I could manage now.”

Everyone choruses various ‘It’s ok!’ or ‘Don’t worry about it’ and such to Mimi, she just chuckles and takes her seat back at the table.

“Thank you all for being so understanding.” She says to the group. “I’ll be here.”

“Alright.” The group responds, again, everyone turns to Ryan. 

“Um...well,” Ryan runs a hand over his head. “Would you like to start with my room? Since we’re already in the house...” He’s not looking at them when he speaks, his ears are flushed pink.

“That’d be great, we can see where you and Gav-” Ray stops himself when he remembers that Mimi and the kids are present. “Hang out.”

Gavin is glaring at him and Ryan is covering his mouth as not to laugh, same with Michael and Geoff. Mimi however is taking a long drink of her tea. Everyone else is just staring at Ray is horror. The kids just look confused. 

“I was just joking...” Ray says under his breath. 

“Right, anyway...” Ryan makes quick work of climbing the stairs, the group in his wake.

He stops at the top of the stairs. “There are three other bedrooms up here...from when my grandfather used to live here as a kid. The room I stay in used to be his. The other three were his parents, his sisters’ and his brother’s.” Ryan announces as he pushes his bedroom door open. 

It was when he walked into the room with everyone behind him, that he realized something. As all of the other people flooded his room, he became immersed in the way his room  _smelled_. Besides the normal atmosphere of it, he could sense Gavin. Not only in the presence of his clothes folded up in his desk chair, or his backpack on the floor next to Ryan’s. Not just cellphone charger, plugged in next to Ryan’s. But, he could  _smell_  Gavin. 

Like Gavin’s essence was blended in with his own, right in the bedroom. He wanted to shove everyone out of the room suddenly, because he now felt like this space was only for he and Gavin. He didn’t want everyone else blending their scents and presence into it. But, Gavin would stay the night again and they could ‘re-essence’ the room. Well, that just could’ve been said better...

“Ryan,” Jack says from the cork-board. “What’s all of this?”

Gavin blushes when he looks up to see what Jack is asking about. Again, all eyes turned to Ryan. 

“Something Different collection, it’s...mostly me and Gavin’s things.” He answers, slurring the response out of his mouth quickly as possible, as not to dwell on it. 

“Something what?” Michael asks, walking over to the board to look. 

“Different.” Gavin fills in. “Ryan likes to find different things in life, and that board represents all of the things he’s found.”

“Why is it all of  _you_  then, Gav?” Ray peeks over Michael and Jack’s shoulders. 

“Oh my  _god_ , that’s beautiful.” Griffon coos. 

“Ryan found his something  _different_.” Barbara coos as well. 

Ryan sees the children going into his closet, pulling out a slightly deflated soccer ball. He hears all of the voices in the space, in his personal space. All of the movement, things being touched. Things being opened and closed. His cork-board being looked at by...not _strangers_...but, Ryan had just hoped they wouldn’t pay any attention to it. Still, it made Ryan more uncomfortable, the longer they looked at the board, and the rest of his things. The longer that they occupied his space.

Suddenly, everyone in his room is unbearable and Ryan closes his eyes tight and focuses on breathing, as not to become overwhelmed. No one notices but Gavin. 

“Alright, let’s move on guys!” Gavin claps his hands together loudly, the sound making Ryan’s eyes open and focus on him. “We  _have_  to go see the animals!”

“Oooh, yes please!” Barbara claps her hands as well. 

Everyone begins to flow out of Ryan’s room.

“I still don’t get the fucking board, thing.” Ray comments to Michael as they leave the room. Gavin hangs back with Ryan. 

“Are you ok?” Gavin asks, gently reaching up to touch Ryan’s face. The older boy nods. 

“I just...people in my space and-” He’s cut off by a quick kiss to the cheek. 

“Trust me, if everyone piled into my room and started observing everything like a museum exhibit, I’d be freaked out too.” Gavin assures him. “You’re really brave for doing this. And I’m sure they all really appreciate it. Also, you’re talking so well and-”

“Thanks for keeping me sane.” Ryan flashes a smile and Gavin wants to melt. Ryan’s smile is still Gavin’s favorite thing. 

“Hey!” Geoff pokes his head back into Ryan’s bedroom. “Stop making out and get back to the tour!”

“Alright, alright.” Ryan says and quickly exits the room to avoid Geoff’s teasing stare. 

“Geoff, you prick.” Gavin jabs two fingers into the tatted teen’s side. “We weren’t making out.”

“Yeah, well whatever.” Geoff replies. “I wanna see some god damn piggies.”

_____________________________

Mimi was still seated at the table, like she said she would be when everyone came downstairs. They all greet her as they pass through the kitchen and out the back door of the farmhouse. 

As they walk to the first barn, Ryan notices that Geoff is holding Griffon’s hand, and Barbara and Michael are walking closely together. Yet, Ryan’s walking ahead of everyone and Gavin is in the middle of the crowd. 

Ryan wonders if he should be paired up with Gavin for this. All of the other boyfriends seemed to be with their significant others. Ryan stops walking when they get to the barn and turns to all of them. As they all wait for him to speak, Ryan reaches his hand forward, palm upward. They all look from Ryan to Gavin. Ray nudges Gavin forward. Gavin sucks his bottom lip between his teeth. 

“Ry,” Gavin whispers as he takes his boyfriend’s hand. Ryan wonders why he copied the others. 

_Was this peer pressure? The urge to conform?_ Ryan thinks, a slight frown on his face, but it fades quickly as he turns to talk to the group. 

“This is the barn that used to keep horses.” Ryan speaks. “But...” He walks forward, Gavin with him. They both push open the large doors. “Now, it’s where I keep my car. The farmworkers keep some of their things in here too.” He explains. "Also there are some smaller tools like rakes, shovels, smaller lawnmowers organized in the stalls.” 

“ _Your_  car?” Jack moves through the group and approaches the vehicle. “Nice!”

“It was his granddad’s.” Gavin says, Jack nods at the information. 

“Pretty color.” Lilly says, coming closer to observe the car as well. 

“Th-thanks.” Ryan watches them admire his car. Gavin’s still holding his hand, his head is turned away as he is talking to Avery. The little boy has asked if they were going to see animals next. Gavin assured him that next was the pigs. 

When the group reassembled in front of Ryan and Gavin, Ryan lead the way to the next barn. Everyone seemed to be buzzing as the promise of animals neared. 

Ryan and Gavin opened the large door, and everyone hurried inside. They chattered excitedly. Michael and Ray were the first to the fence to look at the pigs though. 

“Ry,” Gavin says.”We should let them feed the pigs sugar cubes.”

“Oh, good idea.” Ryan lets go of Gavin’s hand and gets the box. He hands it to Gavin and the Brit goes around, offering a few cubes to each person. “Make sure you clean your hands afterwards. There’s hand sanitizer dispensers on the inner front walls of the barns.” 

“Awww, my god!” Barbara holds one hand to her face as a small pig comes to eat the cube from her other palm hand. “Look how cute!”

“I wanna keep one, I heard pigs are smart as hell.” Michael looks at the smaller pigs. Though they are the youngest ones, they aren’t as small as they were when Gavin had first come to see them. They’re much bigger now. Still, small and cute enough though. “Geoff, help me name them.”

“I can’t there’s kids here.” Geoff comments as he leans over the side. “What happens if I pet them?”

Ryan comes over to where Geoff stands. “I’ve personally...uh, never been bitten or anything. They don’t seem to mind so much...but they do have 44 teeth, so if they just so happen to ‘mind’ all over your hand, then...ya know.” Ryan says to Geoff, the words come out pretty easily, and Geoff is extremely amused at Ryan’s joking tone. Geoff laughs loudly, seeming to startle some of the pigs. 

“Sorry, sorry.” Geoff replies. “Ryan’s funny you guys.”

“He is.” Gavin agrees, looking up at his boyfriend fondly.

“Dude, this feels like a school field trip. I’m having so much fun.” Michael says as he rubs sanitizer over his hands. “Show me more, Ryan.”

“Oh...” Ryan looks over his shoulder at Michael. “Are...” The words stick in Ryan’s throat. “Are you guys...ready to go?” He feels his face heat up. He’d been doing well talking so far. He didn’t want it to stop.

“What’s next?” Lilly walks up to Ryan. He looks at her then at Gavin. 

“Next closest things are the crops...not much to look at though. But, we can chose between the pond or the cows.” Ryan offers. Of course, everyone wants to see the cows. 

Ryan is actually glad that everyone wants to see the pond last, it’s probably one of the most important parts of the farm. Well, to him anyway. And, only because of Gavin. 

~*~

When they arrived at the barn to see the cows, Ryan opened the doors and let everyone in. This seemed to be the location that everyone wanted to know the most about. There were lots of questions going around and Ryan wasn’t sure where to begin with his answers. 

“Where are the babies?” Avery asks, looking disappointed. 

“Well...dairy is one of the main things we export from the farm. And, we only have a small number of cows, about ten of them. In order to get the, uh...milk...they have to have babies. But, we can’t afford to keep all of the babies. Usually they’re sold to other farms.” Ryan answers the question, not looking Avery in the eyes. 

“Oh...” Avery responds. 

“Yeah, there aren’t any babies here  _now_.” Ryan says. “But, when there are, I’ll let Gavin bring you over to see them.”

“Do you have any dude cows?” Geoff asks. 

“No...and they’re called bulls.” Ryan says. 

“Why no dudes?” Ray raises the question.

“Just...a few reasons.” Ryan shrugs. “I don’t...wanna say...has to do with...where babies come from.”

“How do you get the babies if no dudes?” Geoff eyebrows go up.

“One of two ways,” Ryan begins. “AI, or rent a bull.”

“You can rent a bull to ‘do it’?” Michael begins to laugh. “That’s great!”

“What’s AI? Artificial Intelligence, right?” Ray asks. 

“No...artificial something else.” Ryan blushes. 

“Oh...” Ray nods knowingly. 

“So, you all are welcome to go see the cows. They’re in through there. The other doors lead to where the milk is processed, it’s interesting...but don’t touch anything if you go in.” Ryan points and they all move forward, except Gavin. He stays with Ryan, he’s seen this place before. 

“This is fun.” Gavin links their arms. “I keep picturing us all grown up, and living here. And we give tours to visitors and stuff on the weekends.”

“My grandparents used to give tours all the time. This place used to be popular.” Ryan nods. “But...now it’s not so much. Mostly because the grocery stores are so much more...commercially based.”

“You’re so smart.” Gavin hugs Ryan’s arm tightly. 

“Not really...I just have to know this stuff.”

“The fact that you know it, makes you smart.”

“I guess...”

“Learn to take a compliment, silly.” Gavin giggles and hugs Ryan’s arm again. “Oh, and Ry?”

“Hm?”

“What does AI stand for?”

“Artificial Insemination.” Ryan answers. 

“Oh...” Gavin says. “I thought it might mean something else.”

“Like what?”

“Eh, I dunno.” Gavin shrugs.

After quite some time, the pair watches as the group comes back from around the corner. “How’re the cows?” Gavin asks the group. 

“They were nice, liked the pigs better.” Michael shrugs. 

“Their hair was a lot softer than I thought it would be.” Lilly announces, Avery agrees with her. “Where are we going next?”

“To the pond.” Ryan informs him, and the rest of the group. Then, they make their way over.

~*~

For some reason, everyone got quiet when they arrived at the small body of water. It was like every person was thinking of a different time in their lives, and no one was really present anymore. They were all at different points on the time line. Gavin broke the silence, though. 

The pond was large, shaped mostly like an oval. There wasn’t much grass around it, only at the edges really. There was also a large tree looming over it. Gavin thought the tree looked lonely sometimes. And, sometimes he thinks the tree looks like Ryan, tall and content in its loneliness. But, happy for company from certain people. 

“Ryan brought me here at night, to send letters to my mum.” Gavin tells them, the twins look up at their brother. 

“Ryan sent letters with you to mummy?” Avery asks. 

“Yeah.” Gavin nods, his eyes stayed staring at the area beyond the fence. The fence looked small from here, because it was so far away. 

The group got quiet again for a moment. 

“This is really beautiful, Ryan.” Griffon says. “For some reason, it makes me feel like I’m missing someone, I don’t know who.”

“Yeah.” Ray and Jack chorus. 

“Can you swim here?” Geoff asks Ryan. The younger turns to him. 

“Uh, my grandpa used to swim here with his family. It’s man made...they made it specifically for swimming. But, I haven’t swam here since I was little.” Ryan shrugs. “We’d have to test it for bacteria and make sure there aren’t leeches or snakes.”

Geoff cringes hard at the word snakes. “Dude, never mind.” He shakes his head. “I was gonna say this could be our own private swimming hole...but screw that. No way.”

“If we get it tested and make sure it’s bacterially stable and without any dangerous inhabitants, it could be.” Ryan answers him. He’s been talking  _so_  much, and he’s starting to feel a bit drained. 

“Eh, maybe. But I’m going to need proof on the whole ‘snake’ situation.” Geoff folds his arms. 

“Is this the end of the tour?” Barbara asks, looks at Ryan.

“Uh, yeah. I don’t think there’s much else to show you that’d be interesting.” Ryan shrugs. “There’s the big farm machines, like the tractors and all, but it’s not that interesting.”

“Oh, alright.” Barbara responds. “Well, thanks, Ryan!” She starts clapping, the others join, including Gavin. 

_They’re clapping for me?_  Ryan thinks. “Th-thanks.” He tries not to blush. 

“So, what now?” Michael turns to the group. 

“Video games at Michael’s?” Jack suggests. 

“Why my place?” Michael raises an eyebrow, not that he minds. 

“Playing video games in your game-cave sounds great right now.” Jack mentions the gaming set up in Michael’s basement. 

“Hear that Michael? Jack wants to go in your cave.” Geoff chuckles, beginning to walk back towards the farmhouse. “Let’s go say bye to Mimi first.”

~*~

Mimi literally hugged every single one of them, thanking them all for visiting. They all thank Mimi for having them, then, Ryan walked them outside, the twins and Gavin with him. 

They all stood in a circle. 

“Wanna come game with us?” Geoff asks. 

Gavin glances at Ryan, he doesn’t really feel like it himself, and he knows Ryan is probably running low on his mental battery. Being around the others usually left him spent after too long. Like on Halloween night in Barbara’s basement. Ryan had been with them all night, and he was spent. 

“Oh! We’d finally have an even number for the teams!” Michael grins. “Lads vs Gents!”

“And, we could even do three teams of two!” Ray exclaims. “Too bad, Michael. You’re going to be stuck with someone else, though. Gavin’s going to probably wanna team up with Ryan.”

“Aw, weak.” Michael frowns. “They don’t even have a team name!”

“We could make up one!” Gavin retorts. “Like...uh...” He thinks.

“Probably something lame and romantic like ‘Team Hugs & Kisses’.” Geoff says, every one laughs. 

“That’d actually be cute.” Gavin grins. “‘Team Love’ or something.”

“No, there should be two parts to the name, like how you’re the ‘nice’ and I’m the ‘dynamite’.” Michael says. 

“What should we be, Ry?” Gavin looks at his boyfriend, the older male shrugs. 

“Well, you’ve already said ‘Team Love’,” Ryan shrugs. “We just need some other stuff now.”

“Haha, some ‘stuff’?” Jack asks. “Solid.”

“What’s their name? ‘Love and Stuff’?” Ray asks.

“Ryan didn’t say the word ‘stuff’ would be in our team name, he just said we needed ‘stuff’ to go with the ‘love’.” Gavin laughs, folding his arms. 

“Nope,” Geoff holds up his hand. “Tis fate, my friend. I dub you and Ryan ‘Team Love and Stuff’ and that’s going to stick with you until you die.”

“Aw,” Gavin frowns, but it’s not a complete frown. He secretly finds it very cute. “Love and Stuff it is, then.”

“Team Love and Stuff.” Ryan tastes the name on his tongue. “Eh, it works.”

“Good.” Ray says as he climbs into the back of Jack’s truck. 

“Now, Gavin...” Michael helps Barbara into the back of the truck first, then himself. “I know that you’re ungrounded and shit, that’s great. But don’t use your new found freedom to hide yourself away with Ryan. We expect to see more of you, too. Both of you.” Michael cuts his eyes briefly to Ryan, then back to Gavin. 

“Of course, boi.” Gavin nods, grinning at the redhead. 

“See you all at school.” Griffon waves from inside the truck, Jack starts it up, they all wave as they drive off. 

Gavin turns to Ryan when they’re gone, he eyes Ryan subtly to see how he’s doing. The twins are running around the open space. It’s nice for them to be able to run. Though, Gavin would be taking them home soon. 

Ryan’s eyes are following the pickup truck, even after it disappears, he’s still looking in the direction that it drove. 

“What are you thinking about?” Gavin asks gently, not trying to drag Ryan from his thoughts too abruptly. 

“Nothing really,” Ryan answers, his blue eyes slowly drifting over to Gavin. “I have an idea of what we’re doing tomorrow.”

“You mean...besides working on the farm?”

“Besides that.”

“Oh?” Gavin raises an eyebrow. “Like what?”

“It’s a secret.” Ryan turns to Gavin, finally fully focusing on him. “Thanks for...staying by me today.”

“You  _really_  have to stop thanking me for that kind of stuff, Ry.” Gavin shakes his head. “But, I  _am_  glad to be appreciated.”

“After all of the hard times you’ve had...with people like your father and...brother taking someone as amazing as you for granted.” Ryan looks at Gavin honestly. “I really think that it’s about time that someone tells you as often as they can, how much they appreciate you. Because-”

Ryan stops short when Gavin thrusts his arms around his neck. 

“Thank you, Ryan.” Gavin’s voice is muffled into Ryan’s shoulder. The older male is frozen for a moment, but he brings his arms around Gavin in return.

“Of course, silly.” Ryan smiles, he can see the children finally stopping their game of chase. Since they’re winding down, maybe it’d be an alright time to gather them up and take them home. 

~*~

Mimi looked sad, saying goodbye to Gavin’s brother and sister. Maybe she really did miss having children around. Gavin wonders if he should bring them more often. He wonders if it’s selfish though, to not want want to bring them...in order to have Ryan to himself. 

Gavin also thinks about what Michael had said while leaving the farm today. He’d asked Gavin not to spend his shiny new ungrounded time with Ryan. Which, to be honest...is all he really  _wanted_  to do. But, Michael had said that Gavin was welcome to bring Ryan, so he will. The Brit couldn’t wait for the new and improved Team Love and Stuff to make their first gaming appearance with the others. 

As for right now, though, Ryan was driving the twins home, Gavin in the passenger seat. He was listening to Ryan talking to the kids. Gavin  _loved_  hearing Ryan interact with them. It was one of the only times, besides when Ryan talked to Gavin or Mimi, that he didn’t really stumble much as he spoke. It made Gavin happy to hear his Ryan...just being Ryan. 

For a second, Gavin almost forgot that he was only dropping the kids off, and not heading home himself. He got out of the car with them to walk them to the door. Ryan watched Gavin walking up to the door with his siblings. 

Gavin puts his key in the lock, but it swings open before he gets a chance to open it himself.

“Hi Daddy!” The kids chorus, wrapping their arms around their father’s waist, rambling nonstop about everything they’d seen. David and Gavin watch the kids with smiles on their faces, and when the chatter died down, the kids ran inside. This left Gavin and his father staring at each other. 

The two of them were talking quietly, but Ryan could make out a few things Gavin was saying. 

“Are you alright, Dad?” Gavin frowned concernedly at his father, the man grimaced like Gavin had given him something bitter. 

“I told you earlier I was fine.” The man grumbled, taking a step away from Gavin, into the house. He was retreating. 

_He’s scared._  Ryan thinks. 

“I know you  _said_  you were fine, but earlier you kind of sounded-” Gavin was cut off by the door closing sharply in his face. The blonde took a deep breath then shouted it loud enough to be heard through the closed door. “Yeah, great talk Dad! I’ll just bloody see you tomorrow, then!” Gavin rose his middle finger to the closed door, knowing his father wouldn’t see it. Then, he marched back to Ryan’s car with his arms folded, cheeks flushed. 

He got into Ryan’s car, closed the door angrily, put the safety-belt on angrily as well. 

Ryan didn’t say anything for a while, just ran his fingertips over the gear shift. 

“Are we going back to the farmhouse?” Gavin asks. 

“Is there somewhere else you wanted to go?” Ryan shrugs, pulling a U-Turn in the middle of the street and driving down to the end of it. He stopped at the end, waiting for Gavin’s call. 

“I don’t care,” Gavin shakes his head. “I just want to get away from my dad, so anywhere is fine.”

“Well, if it’s alright with you...”

“Uh-huh?”

“I was thinking that maybe we could make one of Mimi’s favorite foods for dinner. But, I need to go pick up some groceries first.” Ryan offers the idea to Gavin. The younger male smiles. 

“That sounds like fun!” Gavin grins. “We get to make something good for Mimi, we get to grocery shop together!  _And_ , cook together! So much ‘yes’!”

“Alright, good.” Ryan turns in the direction of Main Street. Gavin is smiling the entire time. 

~*~

Gavin follows Ryan into the grocery store, he wants to hold Ryan’s hand. But, he doesn’t know if Ryan would mind or not. 

“So,” Gavin says as Ryan picks up a handheld shopping basket. “What are we making?”

“Oh, right.” Ryan looks over at him. “I didn’t tell you.”

“Nope, you didn’t.”

“Lasagna.” 

“Oooh, lah-sag-nah.” Gavin pronounces the word like a dope on purpose, Ryan and rolls his eyes. 

“Sure, Gavvy.” Ryan reaches over to ruffle his boyfriend’s hair, as if it already didn’t look ruffled up. 

“Sooooo, what do we need?” Gavin asks. 

“Cheese, and lasagna noodles. We already have the meat and tomato sauce at home.” 

“Ah,” Gavin nods. “Soooo...”

“So?”

“Is Mimi Italian at all?”

“Um, not really, why?” Ryan walks down the aisle, passing through people he’s seen before. He’s basically seen everyone in the area, it’s a small town. 

“Dunno,” Gavin shrugs. “It’s just, her last name is Shaw.”

“Yeah?”

“And that’s not really Italian.”

“So you’re asking if she’s Italian...because her last name _isn’t_ Italian, so that makes her possibly secretly Italian?”

“Well...I dunno.” Gavin chuckles, realizing how silly it sounds. 

“I would love to take a field trip to your brain, to figure out what the  _hell_  goes on in there.” Ryan shakes his head. “But, how do you know Mimi’s last name?”

“The name of the farm is ‘Shaw Farms’ so, I just figured.”

“Well, her last name is ‘Shaw’ yeah.” Ryan nods. “But, it was her husband’s last name, my grandpa’s.”

“Ohhh, that’s right. You did say earlier during the tour, that it was his family’s farm.”

“Yeah,” Ryan smiles. “You remembered.”

“Duh, I have a special vault in my mind for my ‘Ry files’.”

“Haha, ‘Ry files’?”

“Of course, you pleb. Don’t act like you don’t have ‘Gav files’.”

“Hm, do I? I guess I must, if I remember things about you.”

“See?” Gavin smiles. “Don’t make me out to be crazy just yet, old Gav knows a thing or two, Ry.”

“True,” Ryan is being sincere. “You are really smart.”

Gavin blushes. “Ryan...”

“Well you are, you know that.” Ryan picks up a couple boxes of lasagna noodles. Gavin is quiet so he looks over at him. “You  _do_  know you’re smart, right?”

“I...guess. I mean...I know that I  _know_  stuff.”

“But, you don’t think you’re smart?”

“I’m usually the ‘idiot’.”

“Who says?”

“Just...people. I know they don’t mean it. But sometimes I feel-” Gavin stops talking when he bumps into Ryan, who’s stopped walking in front of him. “Ry?”

“You know...” Ryan turns to face him. “Sometimes, I think that you’re so much stronger than me. That you’re invincible, or made out of the stronger material. That you’re able to protect me from everything, build me up from scratch completely...if you had to, because you’re just that powerful.”

Gavin’s eyes focus on Ryan, he doesn’t have anything to say, and he knows Ryan’s not finished. 

“But, I have to constantly remind myself that you’re just as fragile as I am, and that you’re just as human as I am.” Ryan smiles at him. “You’re very smart, and one day I’ll help you see that. Because right now, I don’t know how. But...when I find out how, I’ll prove it to you, ok?”

“O-ok, Ry.” Gavin smiles back upon seeing Ryan smile. 

“That’s my boy.”

“Boyfriend.” Gavin corrects him, like Ryan had done the other day.

“Hm?” Ryan didn’t quite catch what he said. 

“I said...‘boyfriend’.”

“Oh, well...why?”

“You called me ‘boy’ and...I said-”

“Ohhh, gotcha. Well, uh...” Ryan leans over and brings his lips briefly to Gavin’s cheek. 

“ _James Ryan Haywood_!” Gavin squeaks as softly as he can, as not to draw attention. They’re not in an aisle, they’re in an open part of the store. Anyone could’ve seen, and not only is his father against PDA, but...he knows it’s not completely appropriate for general public either. At least, not the grocery store. 

“Hm?” Ryan asks, picking up a couple small tubs of cottage cheese. 

“You can’t do that in public!”

“Can’t...kiss my boyfriend’s cheek?”

“No!”

“What? That’s bullshit.” Ryan sounds genuinely amused by such a rule. “Why not?”

“People might see.”

“And...go blinded by the white hot intensity of the burning flame of our love?” Ryan says in a sarcastic tone.

“No...they might...get upset.”

“Why?”

“How much do you know about...things?”

“Things?”

“Never mind.” Gavin shakes his head. 

“What things?”

“Nothing.”

“You said you’d stop leaving me hanging.” Ryan pouts as he puts other things into his shopping basket. 

“Huh?” Gavin looks confused. 

“When we were walking back to your house, after Sweetie’s one day...”

“Yeah?”

“I asked you not to treat me like I can’t understand things anymore...because I don’t like it.” Ryan is being honest, as he grabs the last few things he needs. Gavin is following behind him, his hands in his pocket, looking down. He feels bad. 

“I’m not treating you like you can’t understand, Ryan. It’s just-”

“People used to always do that to me, sometimes they still do.” Ryan shakes his head. “They’d assume, just because I wouldn’t talk...that I couldn’t understand. And...I  _always_  understood. I always heard them saying things about me and-”

“Ryan,  _please_.” Gavin is feeling extremely guilty. 

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“It’s not that I don’t think you can understand...”

“Then why won’t you tell me?”

“It’s that...you’re so sweet.”

“What the hell does that have to do with anything?” Ryan’s brow creases. 

“You’re one of the few people in the world, that hasn’t been plagued with constant awareness of society.”

“Ok...I have to admit, I don’t understand what you just said.” Ryan chuckles, Gavin joins him in the tension relieving laughter. 

“What I’m saying is...you’ve been basically living under a rock.”

“That I’m aware of, yes.”

“And, because of that...you don’t have to deal with constantly worrying what the world thinks. How the world views you.” Gavin says. “You’re starting to be aware of things, and that’s all my fault.”

“Not really...”

“It mostly is. You didn’t start  _noticing_  people, until you noticed me.”

“Damn...that’s deep as hell.”

“And, true as hell, Ry.” Gavin nods. “So, what I’m getting at...is that, I don’t want to say what I almost said. Because, I don’t want you to start forming the same self consciousness that I have, because of how society wants me to feel.”

“But...wouldn’t it be better if I knew?”

“No, Ryan. I want you to act how you want to act, and be who you are without worrying.”

“But-”

“No.”

“So you aren’t going to tell me?”

“No.”

“This isn’t a ‘not yet’ ... it’s just a ‘no’?”

“Most likely.”

Ryan thinks about it, then nods. “Thank you.”

“For...not telling you?”

“For doing your best to protect me.”

“Ryan...it’s honestly the least I could do.”

~*~

Ryan wasn’t sure if he felt ignorant. If he  _should_  feel ignorant. But...Gavin was right. Ryan had spent a long time, disconnected from society. And, he realized that he didn’t have the same insecurities as a lot of people his age. Worrying about how they looked, their faces or skin color. Their hair color or styles. Eye color. Something about eyebrows not looking ok? Which Ryan thought was ridiculous. If your eyebrows are growing...why does it matter how they look? Ryan thought someone would look funny  _without_  eyebrows...but not really with them, no matter how they grew. 

Ryan never really cared about his weight. He wasn’t overweight, and he was fine with that, as long as it meant he was healthy enough. He didn’t care about his appearance. He cared about whether he shaved or not, to please Mimi’s standards. He cared about whether Gavin found him attractive or not, because...well, he found Gavin attractive. 

And, that was something he was wondering about lately. He wondered what that meant. It sounds silly, but Ryan’s never really been attracted to anyone before. He’s  _seen_  people, who have been nice to look at. But, he’d never...

Ryan looked over at Gavin. They’d just gotten done cooking together, which was fun.  _Fun as nobs_ , Gavin had said. The kitchen ended up being a mess, and they spent more time laughing with each other than  _actually_  cooking, but...that was the fun part of being around Gavin. There was more time used up smiling, than anything else. And, Ryan liked smiling with Gavin.

But now, with the kitchen clean and Gavin sitting next to him, mixing sugar into a glass of iced tea, Ryan  _looked_  at him. And, he tried to figure out what these feelings inside meant. He wasn’t sure exactly what being attracted to someone meant. So, he wasn’t 100% sure whether or not he was attracted to Gavin or not. 

Though, he knew what the term meant, with magnets. If magnets were attracted to each other, they were drawn into closeness just by being around each other. And, Ryan felt that with Gavin. But...Ryan was sure, as with most things, applying it to the human world was complicated. 

What did being attracted to another person mean? Was it the way that Ryan looked at Gavin? Gavin had mentioned the difference between ‘looking’ at someone and ‘ _looking_ ’ at someone. Ryan is pretty sure he does both, to Gavin. 

Ryan looks at the way Gavin’s jawline curves, the line that blends in with that of his neck. He looks at the Brit’s lips, and he enjoys the shape of them, and he enjoys the way they feel against his. But...is that what being attracted to someone means? 

Because it’s 2014, and he has the power to internet things, he goes there in search of answers. But, it only leaves him with horrifying images of people doing things Ryan has probably never heard of, and information he can’t apply to himself. There were only examples of woman being attracted to men. Why isn’t there anything about same sex couples? If the internet was as big as people claimed it to be, why are his options so narrow?

Ryan groaned and closes the browser and puts his phone down. Gavin turns to look at him. 

“What’s wrong?” The blonde asks. 

“Eh,” Is Ryan’s response. 

“Were you...texting someone? Did they upset you?”

“No.”

“I trust you, but...I don’t see what else you could do on your phone that would upset you.” Gavin shrugs. “Whatever it is, I’m sorry you’re upset.”

“I’m not upset really...confused more like.” Ryan sighs. 

“Oh.” Gavin’s brow creases, and he isn’t sure what to say. So, he drops it. “Well, I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be back.”

“Of course you’ll be back, silly.” Ryan smiles up at Gavin as he leaves. 

Though...now that Gavin was gone, Ryan could sneak a quick conversation with Mimi. She knows the answers to everything. So, Ryan gets up and crosses the kitchen and goes over to her room. The door is cracked open, as it usually is. 

And, she’s not sleeping. It’s still early, and even though Ryan hasn’t told her what they’re making. She can smell it from here, so she knows. Ryan likes to see her actually  _interested_ in eating. 

“Hello.” She smiles at him as he enters her room. 

“Hey, Mimi.” Ryan offers a small smile in return as he sits on the side of her bed. 

“Dinner ready yet?”

“Nope, we still have a while.”

“Darn.” She pouts. “Just coming to see me then?”

“Yeah...I have a question, actually.”

“Oh,” She nods. “Go ahead then.”

“I’m...” Ryan hesitates, because it’s kind of strange to just ‘announce’ but...he does anyway. “I’m attracted to Gavin.” Ryan states and Mimi gave a loud ‘HA!’ at her grandson. 

“Well, I’d be worried if you weren’t.” Mimi says. “He’s very good looking.”

“I know he is,” Ryan nods. “But...I don’t know what that  _means_.”

“What...it means?”

“Yeah,” Ryan says. “I looked it up online...and it didn’t give me much information. Everything it said had to do with female and male couples.”

“Oh...”

“I guess male couples aren’t...common?” Ryan asks, a slight frown at the corner of his mouth. 

“Well, it’s more common than people like to admit.” Mimi sighs. “Media, however, likes to pretend that it’s soooo taboo and something to be hidden away. But, media is coming around a bit. And, I’m sure if you use the right words online, you can find all of the information you’re looking for.”

“Use the ‘right words’?” Ryan’s eyebrows come together again. 

“Um...yes,” Mimi blushes a bit. “Look up things for men who are dating men.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah...” Mimi chews her bottom lip. “You’ll find more things that way.”

“Ok.”

“Or, just talk to Gavin about it.” Mimi shrugs. “I’m sure he knows a thing or two.”

“But...he’s more experienced than me.” Ryan blushes too. “I’m sure he already knows what it means...but what if he knows more than I do...won’t he be disappointed?” Ryan is looked down at his hands in his lap. But, Mimi can still see the saddened look on Ryan’s face.

“Ryan, Gavin knows how you are.” Mimi assures him. “He’s been taking things slowly with you so far. Just because you’re officially dating now...it doesn’t mean that his patience will give out. It also doesn’t mean that, even if he knows certain things or...wants certain things,” She says. “You don’t have to do them right away if you’re unsure or if they make you uncomfortable.”

_I’d do anything for him, though._  Ryan sighs, but he thanks Mimi for her help. He’d ask Gavin about it when he was ready. 

“Thank you, Mimi.”

“Oh Ryan, of course...” Mimi’s face is redder than Ryan’s ever seen it. “But...whatever you end up doing, be safe please.” 

And...this is how he knows maybe this isn’t a grandma friendly topic. He’s just low-key had the  _talk_  with Mimi and...oh god. He’s slightly horrified with himself.

“Yes, Mimi. I will...” Ryan blushes too. “Sorry for...uh, making you have the... _talk_  with me.”

“I don’t mind. I’m just...a bit old, and a bit old fashioned.” Mimi says. “If I’d had this conversation with my grandma...well she would probably have died on the spot.”

Ryan can’t help but laugh, he’s not sure if it was suppose to be funny. And, he’s not sure if the laughter is just his body ridding itself of tension. But, he laughs nonetheless.

“Right, well...” Ryan clears his throat and stands up. “I’m gonna go back to Gavin now. And check on dinner.”

“Alright, dear.” Mimi smiles at him as he leaves.

When Ryan gets back to the kitchen, Gavin is just now coming back down the stairs. There’s a bathroom on the first floor, but Ryan doesn’t know if Gavin knows that. Still, no one really uses it but Mimi, and Ryan thinks that it might be best to keep it that way.

“Hey,” Gavin says, making his way back to his seat at the table. “Check on Mimi?”

“Yup.”

“How’s she?”

“Good.”

“Alright.” Gavin sits there in silence, knowing that, from Ryan’s vibe, something is up. “Are you ok?”

“Just...kind of had ‘the  _talk’_ , I think.”

“The...talk?”

“Yeah.”

“The talk...about going to Georgia?” Gavin raises an eyebrow.

“No, Gav...” Ryan blushes. “The  _talk_.”

“You...wait... _ohhhh_!” Gavin’s eyes widen. “With your  _grandmother_??”

“Well, who else was I supposed to talk to?”

“Me!”

“I just asked her what being attracted to you meant, and that everything I found online was for male and female couples...and I was horribly confused and disappointed as to why.”

“Oh, Ry.” Gavin sighs. “Well...that’s fine and all. I’m sure Mimi had  _some_  input. But, there’s a lot she can’t tell you...for lots of reasons and-”

“I know.” Ryan nodded and sinks a bit lower in his own seat. “Turns out, though...that I’m not really ready to discuss it anyway.”

Gavin looks at his boyfriend. “You’re really special, Ry. I like you.”

Ryan chuckles. “Well, I’m glad you like me.”

“I do.” Gavin says, as if Ryan needs further confirmation. 

“Can I ask you something, though? While we’re still on the topic.”

“Yeah?”

“Well,” Ryan sits up a bit. “Even though most of the things I saw online were for ‘straight’ couples, I saw an article about someone who had asked about ‘coming out’ to their families and...I was wondering, if you really had to ‘come out’ to your parents?”

“Uh,” Gavin clears his throat. “I was nine when my mum died, so...didn’t really think about that kind of stuff them. I know some people do, but I didn’t.” Gavin begins. “But, as I’ve told you before...I’ve never really thought of gender. There were times when I had crushes on girls, and I’d think about having a serious relationship with a female. Then, there were times when I thought the same about guys.”

Ryan nods. 

“But...as far as ‘coming out’ goes,” Gavin shrugs. “I... _didn’t_.”

“You didn’t?”

“No,” Gavin shakes his head. “I’ve never just said ‘Dad, I’m ‘blank’ or ‘Dad, I like ‘blank’...” 

“Oh...”

“When Dan and I decided to be boyfriends, I just said ‘Dad, you remember Dan?’ and he goes ‘yeah, why?’ then...” Gavin shrugs. “I said ‘he is my boyfriend now’ and Dad just looks off into space for literally thirty seconds, it doesn’t sound like a lot...but sitting there in silence for that long felt like  _forever_. But, then he asks ‘so...you like blokes now?’ and I just shrugged, so he shrugs too and says ‘makes sure he treats you right, he doesn’t sit well with me, though’ and that was that.”

Ryan thinks about that before he replies. “Is it bad that...your dad’s reaction surprises me?”

“Why does it?”

“Well, your dad is super strict...it seems like, anyway. I’d imagine him to be super close minded about everything,  _that_  included.”

“He’s really not that strict.” Gavin shrugs. “Like, when he ungrounded me, all he asked was that I tell him when I’m not coming home for the night, and not to kiss you in public. He’s really not that bad.”

“Really, that’s it??”

“Yeah,” Gavin nods. “We’ve talked about the fact that I don’t strictly like either gender before. And he’s  _never_  made a homophobic comment. Ever.”

“That’s really cool of him, I have way more respect for him.”

“Good!” Gavin grins. “See, I  _told_  you he wasn’t so bad!”

“He’s still fucking awful...for hitting my Gavvy,” Ryan frowns, but it softens quickly. “But, he’s super awesome for not being an asshole, in at least some regards.”

“Yaaay,” Gavin leans over to kiss Ryan’s temple. “So, until dinner is ready...what should we do?”

“Dunno.” Ryan raises and lowers his shoulders. “Wanna take pictures with the polaroid?”

“Of what?”

“Us...maybe Mimi too, if she’ll let us.”

Gavin thinks about it then nods. “Sure.”

_____________________________

Sunday morning, the boys had their breakfast with Mimi, then headed outside. This time around, Ryan let Gavin do more work than previous times. Gavin wasn’t sure rather to be happy about this or not. But, Gavin did learn a lot. 

“Gav, come here.” Ryan called the Brit over to where he stood. “These bales of hay need to be stacked and stored.” He informs the younger male. Gavin stares at the multiple squares of bound hay. He was waiting for Ryan to say who was going to be doing it, and...it quickly became obvious that Ryan was saying that Gavin would be partaking in the moving of the bales. 

“Oh.” Is all Gavin utters. 

“Yeah,” Ryan says. “So, gloves.” He hands a pair to Gavin. 

“Why gloves?”

“You’ll probably callous your hands up real good, if you don’t.” Ryan comments, slipping on a pair of his own. 

Gavin watches as Ryan lifts and carries a bale, seemingly with little to no effort. So, Gavin assumes he can do the same. However, he quickly realizes that he’s wrong, when he tries to lift a bale himself.

“Holy fuck, Ryan.” Gavin curses, and that lets Ryan know that the Brit is really shocked, Ryan laughs. “How much do these  _weigh_?”

“Eh,” Ryan comes over and lifts another. “Smaller ones, maybe 60-80 pounds, larger ones...100 or so.”

“And you’re tossing them around like loose-bloody-change.” Gavin frowns as he struggles to lift a smaller one.

“That  _can’t_  be too heavy for you.” Ryan shakes his head, coming over to take it from Gavin. 

“You’re not human.” Gavin shakes his head, but...he’s determined to carry at least  _one_  to the storage area. He picks up another bale, a small one. He takes a few effortful strides forward. Meanwhile, Ryan is returning from dropping off the last one. 

Ryan sees Gavin struggling and tries to take the bale from him, but Gavin all but _growls_ at him. 

“Don’t.” Gavin says firmly enough to make Ryan back away.

“I don’t want you to hurt yourself...”

“I’m not, I’ve got this.”

Ryan simply watches, an amused and impressed look on his face. When Gavin finally drops the bale along with the others, Ryan grins as he returns. 

“My big strong man.” Ryan praises, hugging Gavin. 

“I’m going to be so sore.”

“Yeah, you are.” 

“What makes them so damn heavy?” Gavin asks. “They’re just lumps of hay.”

“A lot of things can make them lighter or heavier.” Ryan lifts another large one as Gavin tries find one much smaller.

“Like what?”

“Like, the moisture content, that can help raise or lower the weight.” Ryan says. “Oh, and the pressure of the baler.”

“That’s a thing? Hay pressure? What?”

“Yeah, you can set the pressure at which the machine will bale. Or, some balers are just higher quality and they can make denser hay bales, with more hay.” Ryan replies as he picks up yet another one. By the time he’s dropping it with the others, Gavin has finally made it over with the second of his own.

Ryan watches as Gavin drops the bale and sits on it with an exhausted groan. This makes Ryan laugh, but he makes Gavin scoot so he can sit on it as well. 

“Is this what you meant?” Gavin asks. 

“Huh?”

“Yesterday, you said...that you’d thought of something new for us to do.” Gavin reminds him. “So, is this it?”

“Oh! Right!” Ryan grins. “No, this isn’t it. This is something I’ve been wanting to do with you for a while.”

“Ok...what is it?”

“We’re going to take a break from the farm work to do it. But, let’s finish storing these bales.” Ryan says as he gets up. 

“Ugh, there’s more?” Gavin sighs. 

“You don’t have to help me with them, you know?”

“No, I already agreed to help. And, these are a lot of bales.” Gavin stands up too. “We’ve never had to do these, is this something that the farmworkers usually do?”

“Yeah,” Ryan nods. “I mean, I’ve had to do it before, while doing my Sunday farm work. But, it’s not often. It’s usually something they do.” He goes to pick up another bale. “It’s a great workout though.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice. My  _arms,_  Ryan.” Gavin says, watching the way Ryan’s tshirt is sticking to his skin, just a bit. He can see the contours of Ryan’s muscles flexing, stretching as he bends to pick it up. Then, Gavin picks up his own hay bale. “My arms are gonna bloody look like yours when we’re done.”

“Ha, ok.” Ryan rolls his eyes sarcastically. 

“Being a smart ass, Ry?” Gavin asks from behind his hay bale.

“You carry three more bales, and I’ll tell you what I’m being.” There was a hint of... _something_  in his voice, and Gavin couldn’t help but be caught off guard by it. 

“Ryan,” Gavin giggles. “Don’t be cheeky, Ryan.”

“Cheeky? Me? No.” Ryan chuckles. “Let’s just get these bales all stored up. So we can do the thing.”

“Alright, Ry.”

_____________________________

When the bales were all stored, Ryan lead Gavin to the first barn, the empty one where he keeps his car. Gavin didn’t understand at all what they were doing here. Ryan said that there was something that he wanted to do with Gavin for a long time. But...there was nothing here really. 

“In.” Ryan said as he pulled his car keys from his pocket, getting in and unlocking the door.

“Are we going somewhere?” Gavin opens the passenger side door, but doesn’t get in.

“In the car, Gav.” Ryan says again. 

“I’m not supposed to get in the car with strangers.”

“I’m your boyfriend.”

“Yeah, and you’re strange, Ryan.” Gavin gets, in and puts his seat belt on, Ryan puts on his as well and starts up the car. 

“Where are we going?” Gavin asks again, but Ryan doesn’t answer. “Ryan.” Gavin pouts and folds his arms. 

“I let you navigate us to the beach in the dark, don’t complain to me about not knowing where we’re going.” Ryan shakes his head as he drives out of the barn. “Besides, we’re not going far.”

Gavin stays quiet as Ryan drives further to the farm property. They’re in the middle of a big flat open area. There’s literally nothing around them for quite some distance. 

That’s when Ryan tuns the car off. 

“So...you brought us out into the middle of nowhere because...?” Gavin asks. 

“Switch with me.” Ryan says and gets takes his safety belt off. 

“Huh?”

“Get behind the wheel.” Ryan smiles and gets out of the car. Gavin gets out as well, but he’s shaky. 

“Don’t I need some form of license to drive?”

“Yeah.” Ryan gets into the passenger side.

“This is dangerous...”

“What are you going to hit?”

“Uh...” Gavin looks around at the nothingness. “But-”

“At least turn it on.” Ryan says as Gavin gets in behind the wheel. They put their seat-belts on. 

“Ry...” Gavin grips the steering wheel. “This is your grandfather’s car, and-”

“Don’t be scared, you can do it.” Ryan encourages. “Besides, we’re in the middle of the empty land. You can’t hit anything.”

Gavin thinks about it some more before looking at Ryan. 

“H-How do I start it?” Gavin asks. 

“You know how, I’m sure you’ve seen it literally thousands of times before.” 

“J-Just turn it, right? Turn the key?”

“Yeah,” Ryan nods, watching Gavin’s hand shakily reach up the key in the ignition. The younger turns the key, but not with enough force to make anything happen. When nothing happens, he quickly snatches his hand away. 

“It won’t work.” Gavin announces. 

“C’mon, Gav.” Ryan rolls his eyes playfully. “Like you  _mean_  it.”

“But I don’t mean it.” Gavin responds. “Besides, it’s so weird driving on the this side.”

“You’ve never driven before, why should which side you’re on matter?”

“Well, I’m so used to seeing people drive on the other side.” Gavin shrugs. “Whenever I used to picture myself driving, it was always on the other side. Not this one.”

“You’re just giving excuses now.” Ryan folds his arms. 

“So?”

“Gavin, come on.” Ryan frowns. “Turn the key like you mean it.”

“But, if I turn too hard? Won’t I break it?” Gavin asks. “This car is older than me, you know.”

“Oh my god, turn the damn key!” 

“Ryan...”

“This is the easy part.”

“I _know_! That means it’s only going to get harder!”

“You’re so lucky that this is the age of cars that have push-start engines, so you can push a button instead of turn the key.”

“Should I get my license, I’ll get a push-start car.” Gavin laughs. “It’ll be great.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ryan rolls his eyes again. “It’ll be ‘top’, now start the car.”

“Have you heard about the cars that-”

“Start. The. Car.” Ryan frowns. “We still have farm work to finish, you know.”

“This was your idea.”

“I know.”

“You could’ve waited until after the farm work.”

“Nah,” Ryan shakes his head. “Forecast says we’ll have rain later. I don’t want you driving in rain.”

“Oh...” Gavin takes in the information. 

“Yeah, so drive, babe.” Ryan reaches over and rubs the base of Gavin’s neck. 

“Ugh,” Gavin tries to shake off his nerves. “Ok, I can do this.”

“You can.” Ryan agrees. 

Gavin reaches and turns the key. He does so with enough force, that the engine roars to life. Ryan is grinning now. 

“There we go!” Ryan pats Gavin’s back. 

“Oh. My. God.” Gavin breathes. 

Ryan notices his boyfriend’s pale face. “Are you alright?”

“No. But, tell me what next.”

“Um...what do you think goes next?”

“I can’t play guessing games right now, Ryan.”

“Alright, alright.” Ryan takes a deep breath for the both of them. 

“So?”

“Put it in ‘drive’.”

“Huh? Is this stick shift?”

“Every car has a gear shift.”

“What’s the bloody fucking point of calling it an ‘automatic’ if it’s not automatic?” Gavin curses, which lets Ryan know that he’s high-strung. Ryan chuckles. “Automatic, would be like Mario Kart. You just have one button for ‘drive’ or whatever. You don’t have to even shift anything.”

“This is real life, Gav.” Ryan says between laughter. “It’s just one shift, instead of a million like on a stick-shift car.”

“Fine, fine.” Gavin rolls his eyes. “Lemme see if Disney Channel taught me anything.”

“What?”

“On this one show, this girl was learning to drive...and she talked about the PRNDL.”

“The what? The ‘prendul’?” Ryan repeats the word, not knowing it’s an acronym. “It’s sounds like ‘Pringle’.”

"You didn’t watch Disney Channel when you were younger?”

“Nah, I was more a Nickelodeon kid, sometimes Cartoon Network.” Ryan shrugs. “Anyway, tell me what you know about the gears.”

“That’s ‘park’, ‘reverse’, ‘neutral’...” Gavin glances up at Ryan then back down. “Then...‘drive’ yeah? Your car doesn’t have ‘L’.”

“Probably because it’s old, but yeah.” Ryan leans forward and brings his mouth softly to Gavin’s. “Good, Gav.”

“Good?”

“Yup.”

“So...how do I change gears?”

“Just move it.” Ryan points. 

“Just...” Gavin takes the handle. “Put it in ‘drive’?”

“If you’d like to move forward, yes.”

“I would  _not_  like to, actually.”

“Gav...”

“Ugh,” Gavin shakes off more nerves. Hesitantly, he moves the gear from ‘P’ to ‘D’. “Alright, we’re still alive. The car hasn’t blown up. Good.”

“ _Very_  good.”

“Now what?”

“Now...” Ryan leans forward to point. “That’s gas, that’s brake.”

“Go and stop?”

“Yes, babe. Go and stop.” Ryan chuckles at the way Gavin has simplified it. 

“Put my foot on ‘go’?”

“Yeah, when you’re ready just-” The car jerks forward a few feet, then immediately jerks to a stop. “Whoa...”

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Gavin’s grip on the wheel is even tighter than before. “Sorry, sorry. God, are you dead? I’m going to kill us.”

Ryan pushes his hair from his face. “I’m fine, Gavin.” Ryan assures him. “Besides, you literally can’t kill us. There’s absolutely nothing to hit.”

“The car could blow up.”

“Well...if it did,” Ryan shrugs. “It wouldn’t be your fault.”

“Roll your window down.” Gavin says as he rolls down his own.

“What?”

“Roll it down.”

“Why?”

“Uh...I got nervous,” Gavin blushes. “And may or may not have passed wind.”

Ryan starts laughing hard. “Really?” He does as he’s told and rolls his window down. 

“I basically almost shat myself and vomited at the same time, you got off lucky with me just doing a guff.”

“My poor baby.”

“This is terrifying.” Gavin shakes his head.  “How do you do this everyday? I couldn’t.”

“I don’t drive everyday,” Ryan shrugs. “But, look at me.”

“Can’t.”

“Gav...”

“I’m scared...and embarrassed.” Gavin shakes his head again. “Both for various reasons.”

“Don’t be,” Ryan smiles. “Especially the embarrassed thing.”

“Impossible not to be, at this point.”

“I’m gonna tell you about when I first drove.”

“Alright?”

“I had to.” Ryan begins. “I had to drive, my mother was silent...I couldn’t get ahold of my emergency contacts, and Mimi was all the way here in Texas.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I was younger than you...maybe fourteen or so, probably younger.”

Gavin doesn’t say anything now, just listens. 

“And, my mom was sick.” Ryan sighs. “She wouldn’t talk, just have this awful cough. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew she needed medicine. I tried asking her what kind, or if we had any...and if we did, where she kept it. Because, I didn’t remember there ever being any cold medicines around. Just her medication.”

“But...she didn’t tell you?” Gavin looks over at Ryan, the older male shakes his head. 

“She couldn’t.”

“Oh.”

“So, I...took her keys.” Ryan says as he leans over and puts the car back in park, then turns his car off, so they won’t waste anymore gas. “Then, I got in the car...and I drove off into town.”

“But...you’d never driven before.” Gavin frowns. “How the hell didn’t you crash?”

“I scratched the car in seven different places.” Ryan laughs. “Also, I bumped into someone else’s car, gently...but  still.”

“Did they get mad?”

“The car was parked.”

“Ryan, that’s insane.” Gavin frowns harder. “You could’ve died.”

“I...didn’t think about that then.” Ryan admits. “I just wanted to get something to make my mom better. And, I felt so free. To be able to get in the car, and go away from my house.”

“Did you ever get caught?”

“She eventually figured that I was driving after a while...I kept doing it though, anyway.” 

“Really?”

“Yeah, I drove a lot...got better at it each time.” Ryan nods. “I went everywhere I could...until I  _did_  get caught.”

“By who?”

“Someone who knew my mom, saw me out driving.” He rolls his eyes. “They knew I was too young and they got out of their car, and made me get into the backseat of my car. They drove my car home, and his wife drove their car behind us.”

“Oh...”

“After that, my mom told me that I needed to get my license, but I was still too young.” Ryan clears his throat. “But, by the time I was ready for my license, I just studied a bit, took the stupid written test, then the driving test and I was ready.”

“Wow...” Gavin takes a deep breath. “You certainly are an interesting person, Ryan.”

“I guess...but, that’s not why I told you that.” 

“Then why?”

“I want you to have better than I did, with everything.” Ryan tells him. “I want so much better for you.”

“Ry...”

“So, I’m giving you the chance to not be a moron like me, and go out driving on the streets.”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

“I know you wouldn’t, but...I still want you to do this.” Ryan says. “I want you to feel the freedom I did. Plus, driving makes you feel powerful.”

“Really?”

“You would know, if you tried.”

“I did try, and nearly voided my stomach contents into your car.”

“Yeah, well don’t do that.” Ryan crinkles his nose. “And, try again.”

“Ok...” 

“Ok?”

“Yeah.” Gavin puts his hand on the key, and turns it the correct way, and car starts up. He takes a deep breath as he puts the car in ‘drive’. “Alright, so how do I  _not_  send us to the bloody moon?”

“Put you foot lightly on the ‘go’ pedal.”

“Ok...” Gavin puts his foot down lightly. “Tease it...”

The car begins crawling forward, it’s painfully slow. But, Ryan can tell Gavin is feeling more in control. 

“Oh my god...look, Ry!” Gavin teeters in the driver’s seat. 

“You’re doing great, Gav.” He nods approvingly. “You can try turning if you want.”

“Slow down, Ryan.” Gavin pouts. “I just got the hang of moving.”

“I’m just saying, try turning when you’re ready.” Ryan leans back, finally feeling more relaxed, now that Gavin isn’t literally shitting his pants or rubber necking anymore.

~*~

When Gavin has picked up a touch more speed, and he’s more relaxed as well, he tries turning. He goes left first, then right.  Then, he tries doing tiny ‘S’ shaped movements. Basically creating a well choreographed dance. 

Then, Ryan let’s him try reverse. This did nothing but outrage the young Brit.

“What?” Gavin looked behind himself, out the back window. “What the hell?”

“What?”

“For fuck’s sake...” Gavin frowns. “How do people park like this? I can’t see anything!”

“Look in the rear view mirror.” Ryan points. Gavin looks into the mirror, he only frowns more.

“No wonder they call it ‘rear view’.” He comments. “This view is ass, Ry. I can’t see.”

“Maybe you need glasses.”

“I  _have_  glasses,” Gavin says. “I just don’t wear them all the time.”

“Me too.”

“You do too?” Gavin grins. “I bet you look so  _adorable_!”

“Eh,” Ryan shrugs. “I look the same...but with glasses.”

“You don’t understand.” Gavin shakes his head. “When you see me with glasses, you’ll understand  the power of glasses. Not...to sound cocky or anything.”

Ryan just laughs. “Alright.” He looks over at Gavin. “Do you wanna drive more?”

“Do we have time?”

“A bit, yeah.”

“I wanna drive more, but only if I can drive forwards, not backwards.”

“Sure.”

_____________________________

Gavin and Ryan worked hard to catch up with the farm work, before the rain storm picked up. By the time they were finished, Ryan and Gavin were both incredibly sweaty and worn out. Also, very hungry. 

“Is it raining, yet?” Gavin wonders aloud as he peeked opened the barn door, just a crack. As he peered through, he saw the grey sky, dropping light rain down onto the earth. “Yup, it is.”

“Hard?” Ryan asks.

“Not really, kinda windy though.”

“Gimme your gloves.” Ryan approaches him, holding up his hand to take Gavin’s gloves. The younger male hands then over, Ryan goes to put them away. “You did good work today, Gav.”

“You too.”

“Ready?” Ryan asks as he comes back over to Gavin, opening the barn doors wider so they can exit. 

“Should we run?”

“They say that you get  _more_  wet when you run.”

“Ry,” Gavin grabs ahold of Ryan’s bicep. “I never said that I didn’t want to get wet.”

And at that, Gavin lets go of Ryan’s arm and slips out of the barn doors and into the falling rain. Immediately, his golden hair becomes stuck soddenly to his scalp and forehead. It’s raining harder than it was when he first peeked out. The windiness brought a chill to his now wet skin immediately, causing Gavin to wrap his arms around himself. But, he’s laughing. 

Ryan closes the barn door firmly, also becoming pelted with rain droplets. When he turns to face Gavin, the Brit was still smiling. He looked incredible. Seemingly glowing against the greyed scenery. 

“You always look so beautiful when you’re painted grey.” Ryan reaches up to touch Gavin’s face.

The younger male is quiet for a second, biting his bottom lip gently before speaking. 

“Ry,”

“Yeah?”

“Have you ever wanted to kiss in the rain?” Gavin asks, walking over to Ryan. He leans his body against the wooden door, looking at Ryan, who was by his right side.

“Never thought about it.”

“We should.” Gavin looks at Ryan’s face from behind strands of wet blonde hair. Ryan looks like he’s thinking for a second, but he pushes himself off the door and stands in front of Gavin. 

“We’ll catch colds if we stay out here too long, Gavin.” 

“Then,” Gavin grabs a hold of Ryan’s damp tshirt. “Be quick.”

Ryan is pulled gently towards Gavin, who is still leaning against the barn door. Suddenly, Gavin finds Ryan crowded around him, thunder rumbling in the silver sky. 

They can feel the thunder shake in their bodies as their lips meet. And, Gavin was right. They should kiss in the rain. 

Because, it set Ryan’s senses on overdrive. He could feel Gavin’s rain-wet lips against his own, and they tasted like rain...like Gavin as well. But, the taste of liquid atmosphere on Gavin’s mouth, made Ryan feel like he was drinking in the the sky from straight Gavin’s lips. It was an experience Ryan never thought he’d have, never thought would be possible. 

Ryan’s hands were on either side of Gavin’s head, pressed to the textured wood of the barn doors, to hold himself up above Gavin.

He could feel the rain falling on his skin. And, when Gavin let go of his shirt, only to run his hands up Ryan’s exposed arms, the older could feel Gavin’s wet skin slick against his own. If there weren’t goosebumps on his skin from the cold, they were certainly there now because of Gavin. 

The beads of water dripping from his hair, running down his neck and down his collar bone...they made Ryan want to shift his weight. He let his body rest gently against Gavin’s. It was the only warmth to be found out in the middle of the building storm. 

Gavin held onto Ryan’s arm tighter, taking the older’s bottom lip between his teeth. At this, he heard Ryan’s nails claw at the wood of the door behind him. There was another rumble of thunder as Gavin reached up to hold Ryan’s face. His face was slightly cold, and Gavin was sure that his hands were colder. But, Ryan didn’t seem to mind. 

He released Ryan’s bottom lip from his own, running his tongue gently over the area he’d been nibbling. Ryan’s body tremors, either from the cold or from Gavin. He pushed his tongue forward to meet Gavin’s. The wind picked up almost as soon as Gavin’s hands had moved from Ryan’s face and under the hem of-

Suddenly, they heard their names being called. Mimi was standing at the backdoor, waving her arms, yelling for them to get inside. 

Gavin let Ryan move away from him, but he felt fingertips tapping against his own. He holds Ryan’s hand automatically. Then he’s stumbling behind Ryan as he older began to run, both of them laughing. 

_____________________________

Freshly showered and in dry clothing, the boys reheat leftover lasagna for lunch. While it warmed up, Ryan continued to rub a soft towel over Gavin’s wet hair. 

“Hey,” Gavin says suddenly. 

“Hm?”

“I love you.” Gavin tilts his head back to look up at Ryan. 

“Isn’t that my line?” Ryan asks he leans down to drop a soft kiss onto Gavin’s mouth. “I love you, too.”

Gavin groans. “I don’t even wanna go home.”

“Do you ever?”

“Not without you.”

“You’re cute.” Ryan smiles, dimples showing. 

“You are too.” Gavin looks straight ahead as Ryan moves away. “What does next week look like?”

“Um...” Ryan thinks. “I’m meeting with the News Crew at some point.” He says. “They have set up dates for meetings, and for movie or game nights. J.J says you’re welcome to come to any of those, but the fun nights would probably be more, well,  _fun_  for you.”

“Oh, alright.”

“But, other than that...no plans.”

“I might tag along, or I might go hang out with the others for a bit.”

“Oh...ok.” Ryan feels a bit disappointed, but only slightly. He knew that they couldn’t be together  _all_  of the time. Also, he was looking forward to making his own new friends. He liked the News kids. 

“You’re welcome to come hang out with me and the others too, you know.” Gavin reminds him. 

“I know.”

“Good, just making sure.” Gavin smiles, looking over his shoulder as Ryan scoops their warmed lasagna onto plated. “So, our week is pretty chill, then?”

“Yes.” Ryan nods. “Next week, though...I meet with my therapist.”

“Fuck.” Gavin grimaces. “So soon?”

“It’s monthly, Gav.”

“Ugh.” Gavin sticks his tongue out. “I hate her.”

“I...think she had some valid points.”

“ _Valid_.” Gavin scoffs. “Like ‘ _You are a succubus, and you only use people to make yourself feel emotionally stable because you’re a weak piece of shit. Oh, and don’t be close with your best friend because apparently you like him and that’s bad because he’s going to leave you anyway_ ’, yes, Ry. Valid.”

“She literally never said that.”

“Might as well have said it, that woman...ugh.”

“Silly, Gavin.”

“I’m not being bloody silly, she’s awful.”

“Not that bad,” Ryan shakes his head, bringing their plates and forks over. “Oh, also, I’m filming the thing with Geoff soon.”

“Oh, yeah! Happy things!” Gavin claps his hands together, then picks up his fork. “Now  _that_  I’m excited about!”

“Me too.”

“You’ll do great, love.”

“Thanks.”

“Mhm.” Gavin hums, mouth full of lasagna. 

“Gavin,” Ryan says. “When...the rain dies down a bit, I’ll drive you home.”

“Nooooo, Ryan!”

“You gotta go sometime, Gav.”

“No, I’m moving in.”

“I wish.” Ryan looks down at his hands. Gavin leans over and rests his head on Ryan’s shoulder.

“Make it happen, Ry.”

“I will someday.”

“You mean when we’re grown-ups?”

“Uh-huh.”

“That’s too far away.”

“Well, you belong to your dad, right now.”

“Oh  _god_.” Gavin chuckles. “Please, don’t sat it like that.”

“It’s true.” Ryan laughs. “Legally, you’re to stay in his custody until you’re old enough, by law not to have to stay with him anymore.”

“You’re such a brainy guy, Ry.” Gavin shakes his head. “Ryan the Brainy Guy.” He watches as Ryan steals a forkful of lasagna from his plate. “You  _literally_ have your own food. Right there.”

“I just wanted a bite.” Ryan plays innocent. “Yours tastes so much better.”

“You mean my foot tastes so much better in your ass?” Gavin chuckles. 

“Come at me if you’re bad, Free.”

“You’re such big talk, Ry.”

Ryan looks at Gavin out of the corner of his eye. He debates attacking him with tickles or picking an ice cube from his glass and dropping it down his shirt. But, he doesn’t. Instead, he leans over and presses a big, wet open-mouthed kiss on Gavin’s face. 

“If you’re bad, Gavin.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stay tuned for the next chapter! :)
> 
> *Geoff and Ryan finally do their interview  
> *Ryan meets with the News Crew for the first time!  
> *Gavin spends time with the others with/without Ryan  
> *Gav talks with his dad, Ry talks with Mimi, about the trip to Georgia  
> *Much more :)


	21. Accidental Pie and Safe Keeping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “But, we’re not dating.” Ryan shrugs.
> 
> “Huh? What?”
> 
> “We’re not dating.” The older repeats. 
> 
> “What the hell? Yes, we are.” Gavin folds his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> * non-violent bullying  
> * mentions of (safe) sex (extremely non-graphic)
> 
> Hello, hello!
> 
> I'm so, so sorry for my absence. If you'd like to find out why I've been gone, feel free to read notes at the end of the chapter! For now though, let's just get right into it, yeah?
> 
> Thanks again to the magicalness that is my amazing betas, Becky and Elizabeth! Saving the world one beta-ing job at a time! And let me tell ya, that is a JOB and a half, trying to catch my million mistakes. But, they do it without complaining. Therefor, they deserve a medal!
> 
> I have nothing more to say, other than I've missed you all and I've missed this story, and I've missed the two boys. Glad to be back.
> 
> And as Always,  
> Thanks for Reading!  
> ~ThatMavin
> 
> I really did miss this, <3
> 
> PS: No, literally though, on my other AO3 I write Johnlock fics, and I'm always thinking to myself 'how am i surviving without my beta(s)??' Like, no one has said anything to me other there, but I have to be swimming in errors. How embarrassing. Alright, see you all soon <3 !!

“So, run it by me again.” David sat with his eyes fixed on Gavin, the blue pools studying the teen. Gavin shifted his weight in the seat. 

“Ryan’s from Georgia.”

“Got it.” David replied quickly. 

“He wants to visit his mum, I want to go along.”

“Understood.”

“We want to do it over Thanksgiving break.”

“Yes.”

“But, driving there would ruin any chances of us enjoying our time in Georgia...”

“Why?”

“We’d spend way more time and money if we drove.”

“Unfortunate.”

“But...if we just _flew_ instead, we’d save time and money.” Gavin says. “We’d have a better, more efficient trip.”

“And...I’m supposed to pay for this, because?”

“No, see...” Gavin sits up. “Ryan would be willing to pay whatever you _asked_ for...for the ticket. But, we’re...well I’m asking _you_ , because you have so many frequent flying points, that it’d be cheaper, and you’d get even _more_ points for buying two tickets.”

“So...Ryan wants to take you to meet his mother, that’s why you’re going?” David picks up his glass of water, takes a long drink as Gavin begins explaining.

“Well, that and...seeing his mother won’t be easy and I want to be there for him.”

“Why won’t it be easy?”

“Ryan moved to Texas, _because_ he couldn’t live with his mother anymore.”

David’s eyes narrow, a frown tugs at the corners of his mouth. 

“So, she’s dangerous?” David asks. 

“No, no...” Gavin says, though he’s not 100% sure about it. They’d go visit her in the hospital, so it’s unlikely that she’d be able to hurt them. Ryan _did_ say that she’d have outbursts and throw things at him sometimes...but, what could she throw in a hospital? A year old magazine? Not too bad. “It’s not that, they just...didn’t get along anymore.” Gavin explains, and that’s not really a lie either. 

David is unconvinced, he’s aware that there is something going on. Something _more_ that Gavin isn’t telling him. But, he’s not sure what it is. 

“Look,” David sits up taller. “Gavin, you’re my son. I can’t just send you to another state without knowing the full truth. Especially if there might be something dangerous...”

“There isn’t!” Gavin raises his voice, putting his hands on the dinner table. 

Gavin is glad that the kids are gone upstairs to play already. He’d gone through the trouble of making a special dinner for his father, after Ryan dropped him off. They’d agreed to ask their parents about going to Georgia that night, and so far, Gavin was hoping that Ryan was having an easier time with Mimi. 

“Then bloody tell me the truth, Gavin!” David’s voice raises as well. 

“I have been!”

“The _whole_ truth then, smart arse.” David keeps his narrowed blue eyes on Gavin, and the teen groans and covers his face. 

“If I tell you, you’ll think the worse and forbid me to go!”

“So, there is something bad about going to see his mum?” 

“No, not _bad_.” Gavin shakes his head. 

“Gavin, we barely know these people! We barely know Ryan!”

“Don’t you say ‘we’ about this!” Gavin exclaims. “I know Ryan just fine, you don’t!

“Well, maybe I should before you go see his murdering mother!”

“She’s not a murderer!”

“Another bloody thing, where the hell is his father?”

“His parents are divorced, Dad.” Gavin informs him, slumping in his seat, folding his arms. 

“Maybe because she tried to murder him as well!”

“Oh for f--” Gavin catches himself. “Look, if you want to get to know Ryan so badly, why don’t I invite him for dinner sometime...and we can all talk about this together, his grandmother as well?”

David holds the back of his knuckle to his cupid’s bow as he contemplates that. 

_His grandmother_. David thinks. _As if Ryan wasn’t damn intimidating enough, his_ ** _grandmother_** _as well? What if Gavin’s told her how awful I am, and...I’m such a coward._

“Dad?” Gavin calls when the man goes silent.

“What is his grandmother like?” David asks, and Gavin’s eyebrows knit. 

“Tiny and old...cute.” Gavin shrugs. “Why?”

“Does she dislike me?”

“What?” Gavin’s brow remains quite knit. “You’re...concerned that she won’t like you?”

“Not _won’t_ ,” David corrects. “I’m concerned that she _doesn’t_ currently like me.”

“Are you...interested in dating his-”

“What the buggering fuck? No!” David leans away from the table. “Jesus tap-dancing Christ, Gavin...”

Gavin chuckles. “His mum is _much_ younger...just saying, Dad.”

“Gavin, I’m so done with you.” David can’t help but laugh as well, it feels odd to be laughing together. It’s been a while. “Seriously, though...I’m asking because-”

“She doesn’t dislike you.” Gavin cuts him off. “She knew that you grounded me...she didn’t know why. Other than that...she doesn’t know... _anything_. She’s very kind, just like Ryan.” Gavin is speaking gently. “Don’t worry, Dad. Everyone doesn’t think you’re a monster.”

“But you do.” David comments under his breath, Gavin doesn’t quite register it in time to reply. His father stands up from the table. “Thank you for making such a nice dinner, ask Ryan and his grandmother to come over to eat. We’ll talk.” He says. “I honestly have no problem with you wanting to support your boyfriend, but I’m allowed to worry about your safety.” The man sighs. “I know you’re an ‘adult’ kind of, and you want to make your own decisions. So, I shan’t stop you. But, please...don’t lie to me. I trust you, and I don’t want that to change.”

“Oh...” Is all Gavin can say at first. “Thanks.”

“Of course, um...come here.”

“Are we going to hug?” Gavin asks, and David rolls his eyes. 

“Yes, Gavin.” The man opens his arms. “Just come here.”

Gavin gets up and walks carefully like he’s on a tightrope. He lets his father wrap him in his arms. Gavin hugs back, but he feels numb, also like he might cry. He’s so tired of being so sensitive. 

_If this...the way you’re acting now...is all because you've stopped drinking, even for such a short amount of time...I never want you to drink again, Dad._

_____________________________

Ryan was sitting on the edge of Mimi’s bed, he’d been having the same talk with her. Mimi was just as hesitant about Ryan going to see his mother.

“You’re doing _so well_ , Ryan.” Mimi shakes her head. “You’re here, you’re happy...why go back?”

“I’m not going to stay there, Mimi.”

“I know that, I’d forbid it.” Mimi is sitting up, propped up with pillows, her hands in her lap. “Why do you want to go?”

“I’ve already said why.” Ryan isn’t looking at her. “I just...feel like I’m ready to see her, and she’s talking now...and that means she’ll at least know that I’ve come to see her.”

“I just don’t understand what you think you’ll gain from giving her your time.”

“She’s my _mother_....and your daughter.” Ryan frowns. “Wouldn’t you want to see her...if you could?”

“She told me long ago, that she never wanted to see me again.”

“She...did?”

“Allie said I ruined her, and stole you.” Mimi sighs. “So, that’s that.”

“You can’t honestly believe that it’s going to end like that.” Ryan says. “People say things they don’t mean when they’re angry.”

“Allie wasn’t angry, she was hurt.” Mimi shakes her head. “She said exactly what she wanted to. She meant it.”

“When...when I hurt Gavin’s feelings,” The boy begins. “He lets me explain, and lets me apologize.”

“You haven’t hurt him the way I hurt Allison, Ryan.”

“But, you were trying to help her, weren’t you?”

“If you want to go see your mother, I guess you will whether I say you can or can’t.” Mimi looks at her hands in her lap. “And, keeping you from her, would be doing what she did to me...so, go ahead.”

“You’re angry.” He finally looks at Mimi, she looks at him as well.

“I’m not angry, I’m scared of losing you.” Mimi’s blue eyes are watery. “I’m scared of you losing yourself...like she did.”

Ryan is quiet for a while, Mimi too. But, Ryan speaks first after the brief pause. 

“Gavin will be with me...I’ll be ok, he’ll make sure of it. He’ll bring me back, just the same as I am now.” Ryan gives Mimi a bittersweet smile. “I promise, I’ll be ok...and we have time to think about it.”

“Yeah, we do.” She nods, and takes a shaky breath. “Might I be alone, now?”

“Sure.” Ryan stands up. “I’ll be just in the kitchen for a while...I might head upstairs though.”

“I’ll be fine.” Mimi gives a smile, just as bittersweet as Ryan’s, and then he leaves.

~*~

 

“Any luck?” Gavin picks up the phone when Ryan calls, skipping the ‘hellos’. 

“Kind of, I think I made Mimi cry.” Ryan replies, climbing the stairs to his bedroom.

“Damn, really?” Gavin asks, sitting at the kitchen counter. “Dad hugged me after our talk.”

“Whaaaat?” Ryan is shocked. “Your conversation _actually_ went better than mine? I thought I’d have the easy one.”

“I mean, I won and lost.” Gavin clears his throat. “He said he respects my decisions, and he trusts me. So, he’d have no problem helping us get to Georgia.”

“Sweet, yes!”

“However,”

“Yeah?”

“He says that ‘we’ don’t know you so well, or your family...so he’d like to have dinner with you, me, him and Mimi.”

“Reasonable, we talked about getting them together to talk anyway.” Ryan says, as he entered his bedroom. 

“Uh-huh.” Gavin replies. “I told him off about saying ‘we’ don’t know you though, because I do. Right?”

“Duh.” Ryan flops onto his bed. “So, part 1 of this operation, done.”

“Is this another heist?”

“Eh, less of a heist, more of a mission.”

“Gotcha.” Gavin smiles. “I miss you.”

“I know, I miss you so bad.” Ryan wipes a hand over his face. “I’m laying in my bed, and it sucks without you.”

“I don’t even know what to do with myself.” Gavin sighs. “I’m sitting here at the counter, and I keep thinking of things I could do, but none of them seem like fun without you.”

“You rhymed.”

“Cuz I’m cool.” 

Ryan wheezes a laugh. “Is that why?”

“Shut up.”

“Ok,” Ryan rolls onto his stomach. “Tell me a story.”

“About what?”

“What’s it like, where you’re from.”

“Lots of green.” Gavin says. “Not as dry as Texas...I lived in the suburbs and-”

“Is your house empty now?” Ryan interrupts.

“No,” Gavin shakes his head. “We’re renting it out...which is strange. I’d prefer it to be empty. I can’t imagine other people living in our space.”

“Who’s staying there now?”

“A web designer, his wife and their daughter.” Gavin informs him. “Their daughter is like a toddler, but barely a toddler. Like, barely walking yet...”

“Oh.” Ryan hums. “Interesting.”

“They’re nice folks, they’re not from the UK, they’re French or something...I think French.”

“Like...so they speak French?”

“No, Ry. They speak Finnish.” Gavin rolls his eyes. “Yes, Ryan. French people tend to speak French.”

“I was just asking.” Ryan chuckles, his eyes accidentally glancing at the clock. He groans, it’s a bit later than he thought it was. “Oh, hey. I have to go shower.”

“Aw, alright.”

“I’ll text you before bed.”

“Alright, love you.” 

“Love you too, bye...see you tomorrow.”

“Duh,” Gavin giggles. “Bye, Ry.”

_____________________________

The disorientation wasn’t as bad this morning, especially since he hadn’t dreamed. Ryan sat up slowly though as he felt himself stabilizing. He remembers when he was younger, he used to pretend he was a robot. And, that when he was waking up and feeling disoriented, that it was just because his hard drive was starting up and he was experiencing a mental loading screen. Remembering that makes him laugh, and laughing made him think of Gavin. Thinking of Gavin motivated him to get up quicker, to start getting ready so he could go see him. 

Ryan continued to think of Gavin while he cleaned up, and began getting dressed. Though, the thoughts were cut short when he heard his cellphone ringing across the room. 

“What the hell?” Ryan’s brow creased as he approached his ringing cellphone. The device was vibrating loudly on his desk. He was just finishing up getting ready for school on this fine Monday morning. He was pulling on his jeans when the phone began ringing. The caller ID, let him know it was Geoff calling him. But...what would Geoff want this early in the morning?

He picked his phone up off of his desk, holding it up to his ear. 

“Hello?” Ryan spoke. 

“Good morning,” Geoff replies, sounding chipper. “What’s up?”

“Um...” Ryan took his phone from his ear to check what time it was. “Just...getting ready for school. What’s going on? Is Gavin ok?”

“What?” Geoff sputters a noise of disbelief. “If he wasn’t ok, I’m sure he’d contact you first. It’s sweet that you’re worrying about him though.”

“I...well, yeah. I’m always worrying about him.” Ryan’s glad his words come out smoothly, though it’s taking a bit of force to work the words out of his mouth. “Why are you calling?”

“Oh, right.” Geoff clears his throat. “Can you give me a ride to school?”

Ryan doesn’t say anything for a few moments. He hadn’t planned on driving today. “Why? Don’t you normally walk?”

“Yes, I do normally walk.”

“Then why do you-”

“Heavy.” Geoff states. “I have something heavy I don’t want to carry all the way to school.”

“It’s not that far.”

“Ryan, if you don’t want to help me...just say so.”

“I don’t mind really, it’s not that.” Ryan walks over to his dresser, looking for a shirt he might want to wear. “I just don’t understand why you’d call me first...there’s Jack with his truck. And, he almost always drives to school.”

“Smart ass,” Geoff rolls his eyes. “Maybe I just wanted to call you first, because I want to spend time with you. Also, we need to talk.”

Ryan always blushes in this way when he feels...valued. If that’s even the right word for it. He can feel himself blushing, the heat creeping up his neck and painting his cheeks a shy rouge.

“Oh...” Ryan says. 

“Yeah, asshole.” Geoff chuckles. 

“W-why do we need to talk?”

“About the interview, I was hoping we could do it sometime this week.”

“Today?”

“I dunno,” Geoff shrugs. “You wanna do it today?”

“I don’t know.” Ryan shrugs as well, putting his phone on speaker while he pulls his shirt over his head. “I probably can’t do it Tuesday or Thursday...maybe Wednesday too.”

“Well, that only leaves today or Friday.” Geoff point out. 

“I’d...rather do it today, I think.” Ryan really doesn’t know. Friday seems like a day that would be good for spending time with Gavin, especially if the three days in the middle of the week might be spent without him as Ryan goes to the News meetings. 

“What time?”

“After school.”

“I _know_ that much, Ryan.” Geoff says. “But I mean...like _right after_ school, or...like, later?”

“I...guess right after would be ok.”

“Right after school then.”

“Wh-where should we meet?”

“I’ve been filming in the auditorium, so lets meet there.”

“Ok.”

“So, there’s that.” Geoff clears his throat. “But, you’re still coming to pick me up today, right?”

“Oh shit,” Ryan had forgotten. “Y-yeah. Right now?”

“No way, dude. I haven’t even fucking gotten out of bed.” Geoff laughs. “Why do you think that you and Gav never see me walking? You guys go way earlier than me. But, how long before you meet up with Gavin? We can pick him up on the way.”

“In like...forty-five minutes. Because,” Ryan grunts as he picks up his backpack. “I have to give Mimi her breakfast, and she won’t eat without me.”

“Dude, your grandma is great. She’s all tiny and stuff.”

“I guess.” Ryan is chuckling, he’s a bit upset having let Geoff hear him laugh. He’s still uneasy about talking or speaking to people, but Geoff is one of the easier ones to communicate with. “Thanks.”

“I’ll let you go, to take care of Mimi and stuff.” Geoff sighs contently. “See you soon?”

“Yeah, ok...bye.” Ryan nods. “Wait -- fuck, don’t hang up!” But, it’s too late, Geoff’s gone. He debates calling him back, but he doesn’t. Ryan isn’t sure what he’d say if he did. And...he knew what _street_ Geoff lived on. He’d seen him go down it, the day Geoff had taken him to the diner. But, he didn’t know his address. 

So, he sent a text message to ask him instead. Then, he went down to have breakfast with Mimi. 

~*~

Geoff was standing outside on the sidewalk, with a large item covered in a sheet of fabric. He waved as Ryan pulled up. 

“Hey, dude.” Geoff says into Ryan’s open window. 

“Hi.” Ryan replies, watched Geoff open the lefthand backdoor of the car, then going over to the large item and struggling to lift it off the ground. Ryan gets out of the car, leaving it running, to help Geoff. 

“Thanks.” Geoff says as they lift it together. 

“Holy fuck,” Is Ryan’s response. “What is this?”

“A safe.” 

“A _what_?” Ryan frowns. 

“Safe, you know...put stuff in it.”

“Forgive me for...prying,” Ryan’s voice is strangled as he tries not to drop the heavy item on their feet. “But, why the hell are you bringing a safe to school?”

“You’re so good at talking, man.” Geoff comments. “Anyway, I’m bringing it for my art class.”

“Why?”

“We’re supposed to -- ugh,” Geoff and Ryan both groan as they drop the safe into the backseat. Geoff closes the door, walking around to the other side to get into the front passenger seat. “We’re supposed to bring in things that represent life, then recreate them on the canvas.”

“So you’re bringing a god damn safe?” Ryan can’t help but chuckle as he pulls his seatbelt on.

“Hey, it’s a _discarded_ safe.” Geoff corrects. “That is fucking metaphorical as dicks.”

“How so?” Ryan drives to the end of the street, turning at the stop sign.

“A safe is where people keep things they want to hold onto.” Geoff explains. “Money, jewelry, other valuables.”

“Yeah?”

“And, the fact that someone just dumped an empty safe in the middle of nowhere...it’s like they’ve given up on their values, and they no longer want a safe place to keep them. Like they’ve either given up on values, or they’re moving on from them. It could even be that they’ve taken the valuables and ran, leaving the safe behind. Either way, it’s metaphorical as fuck and you can’t deny it.”

Ryan is silent as he thinks about it for a minute, then he nods. “You’re right.”

“I am?” Geoff sounds surprised, Ryan chuckles again. 

“Stop making me laugh.” Ryan tries to frown. 

“Why? Your laugh is nice.”

“I...don’t like to.” Ryan says, stopping at another stop sign that’s before a cross walk. 

“Why not? It feels good.”

“Yeah...but,” Ryan shrugs. “I...feel weird when people witness me do it, same with smiling. Sometimes talking.”

“You’re weird.” Geoff comments with a smile, and it hurts Ryan a bit. “But, I fucking like you.”

The pain eases a bit in Ryan’s chest, he loosens his grip on the steering wheel. 

“You...you don’t... _dislike_ me because I’m weird?”

“What? No.” Geoff shakes his head. “I like you _because_ you’re weird.”

“You’re...not...” Ryan shrugs his shoulders. “You’re not flirting with me, right?”

“Geezus, Ryan.” Geoff shakes his head. “No way, I mean...you’re _hot_ but...no, I don’t like you like that.”

“Good.”

“Why’d you ask?” Geoff raises an eyebrow. “Am I giving off flirty vibes?”

“Not at all, actually.” Ryan replies, stopping as they pull in front of where Gavin is standing. “Just making sure, because...I’m bad at social cues, so I wanted to check.”

“I think you read social cues, just fine.” Geoff shrugs. “What makes you think you can’t?”

“I don’t understand people.”

“Stop doubting yourself.” Geoff replies. 

Gavin approaches the car, looking angrily into the passenger-side window at Geoff.

“What the bloody hell is this?” Gavin points to Geoff through the open window. 

“Morning, Gav.” Geoff grins at him, waving. 

“You’re in my damn seat, Geoff.” Gavin says, grumpily moving to the backdoor, opening it and sitting next to the safe. The Brit points to that as well. “And, what the hell is _this_? What is going on today?”

“Morning, Gav.” Ryan looks at him through the rearview window before beginning the drive to school again. 

“Why do we have the car, Geoff, and a...whatever this is, today?” Gavin asks. “Also, morning, love.”

“I needed Ryan to pick me up to take my safe and I to school.” Geoff announces. “It’s far too heavy just to carry, I’m afraid.”

“Why do you have a safe?” Gavin’s brow furrows in confusion. 

“I’ll tell you later.” Geoff replies. “I’ve told the story seven times today already.”

“Seven?” Gavin and Ryan repeat at the same time. 

“Yeah...” Geoff sighs. “Also a long story.”

“You’re...interesting, Geoff.” Ryan comments, Geoff takes it as a compliment. Gavin notices how readily Ryan is speaking to Geoff. 

“Why,” Geoff beams. “Thank you, Ryan.”

_____________________________

After Ryan and Gavin help Geoff carry the safe into the school, Geoff departs from them with some other art students to help him carry it to the studio. That leaves Ryan and Gavin to stand looking at each other alone. 

“Probably gonna do the interview with Geoff after school today.” Ryan tells Gavin, the Brit sighs a bit disappointedly, but smiles nonetheless.

“Great,” Gavin nods. “I bet it’ll be fun.”

“I hope so,” Ryan smiles gently. “I should’ve asked how long it’ll take.”

“No, just...take your time.” Gavin shakes his head. “As long as it takes, that’ll be fine.”

“But-”

“Nope.”

“But, Gavin...what are you doing after school?” Ryan asks. 

“Barbara is going to visit her aunt in the city,” Gavin says. “So, Michael said we need ‘bro time’.”

“So, you’re gonna hang out with him?”

“Yeah, me and Ray.” Gavin rocks on his heels when the conversation suddenly stops. “Is...that alright?”

“Of course,” Ryan holds onto the straps of his backpack, nodding his head. “I don’t see why it wouldn’t be alright.”

“Alright.” Gavin presses his lips into a thin line. 

_What is this awkward feeling? Why is it happening?_ Ryan’s brow furrows as he thinks. 

“Well...” Gavin clears his throat. “I guess I’ll head to class.”

“Yeah,” Ryan agrees. “Me too...”

“Text me?” Gavin raises an eyebrow.

“Why?”

“I dunno, just...thought it’d be nice.” Gavin shrugs. 

“Oh, yeah. It will be nice, very nice.”

“Yup, very nice.” Gavin takes a step back from Ryan, in preparation to walk away. But, it really felt to Ryan, like he was trying to step out of the awkward bubble they were standing in. 

“Is...everything ok?” Ryan can’t help but ask, because Gavin is still standing there, and Ryan is still very much confused. 

“Yeah, why?” Gavin tilts his head at the question. 

“It...just feels kind of not ok.”

“Oh, well uh, everything is fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Promise?”

“Yes.” Gavin nods, Ryan studies him for a moment, brow creased. “Ry...”

“Gav...” Ryan says his boyfriend’s name in the same way that Gavin had just said his. “Tell me the truth, now.”

“I’m bloody jealous, alright?” Gavin frowns. “You’re spending time with Geoff and-”

“That bothers you?” Ryan’s brow creases further. 

“Y-yeah and-”

“Why?” Ryan chews his bottom lip and shakes his head. “I don’t understand.”

“Of course you don’t.” Gavin folds his arms. 

“Explain.” Ryan gives the command gently, curiously. 

“I...dunno, it’s stupid.”

“Tell me anyway.”

“You’re my Ry...you know? _My_ Ry.” Gavin says. “And, I’m just jealous. It’s stupid, I can’t even explain why I’m so jealous. It’s not like I don’t trust Geoff but-”

“I asked him...if he was flirting with me earlier, he said no. And that he doesn’t like me like that.”

“Why...why would you have to ask him?” Gavin’s eyes darken. “Did he give you reason to ask?”

“No...”

“Then...why’d you ask?” Gavin frowns. “Did you _want_ him to flirt with you?”

“What?” Ryan frowns too. “No, Gavin.”

“Alright...” Gavin’s frown slowly begins to disappear. “Good, then.”

“I thought you wanted me to be friends with your friends.” Ryan states, tightening his grip on his backpack straps. 

“I do, I do.” Gavin steps forward, closing the space he’d created earlier. They’re a couple feet apart now. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Ryan lets himself smile. “I don’t want anyone but you, anyway. No need to worry.”

“It’s not even that I’m worried about Geoff being romantic with you, I know that’s unlikely.”

“Then,” Ryan reaches forward to run a hand through Gavin’s hair. Not caring if other students see him doing it. “Why are you so jealous?”

“I just...I want to be the one spending time with you always. The one you talk to. Isn’t that silly of me?” Gavin shakes his head. “No wonder Dan dumped me. I’m too much weight to carry.”

“ _You_ are too much weight?” Ryan rolls his eyes. “Oh fucking _please_ , Gavin.”

“What? I am.” Gavin declares. “I’m an emotionally damaged, ignorant bastard.”

“So am I, Gavin.  It's alright.” Ryan says. “We’re the same ‘weight’, so we can manage each other just fine. Stop worrying.”

Gavin eyes Ryan, wondering how he got so lucky. And, how Ryan can always pick him up so quickly when he’s down. 

“Thank you, Ry.”

“Duh.” Ryan replies. “I’m gonna go to class, now. So I can get a good seat, first hour starts in like, five minutes.”

“Ok,” Gavin nods. 

“I have math first, and I have a quiz, so I won’t be able to text you for the first half of that class.”

“Alright.” Gavin nods again. 

“And-”

“Shut up.” Gavin smiles, stepping forward to close the space between them completely, touching his lips gently to Ryan’s. The older male lets go of his backpack straps, and reaches up to hold Gavin’s face. Again, not caring who sees. Besides, the halls are mostly empty now, everyone has scuttled on to their classes. 

When they separate, Ryan gently pats Gavin’s cheek twice. 

“Love you.” Ryan smiles at his boyfriend contently. 

“I love you, too.” Gavin smiles back, leaning forward to press one more soft kiss to Ryan’s mouth. “See you later.” He turns and walks down the hall. Ryan stands there smiling for a moment before doing the same. 

_____________________________

Ryan and Gavin didn’t cross paths after their first classes were over. But, Ryan got a text as he walked to his second one.

> **Gavin** : How do you think your quiz went?

Ryan looked at it, for a few moments as he walked. He actually didn’t really care how it went. He’d had no problems doing all of the equations and all, nor did he struggle with remembering any formulas or anything. 

Math was boring. Everything had an exact answer, and it was just like sitting through a ‘puzzle taking’ class for an hour. He didn’t see the point. So, they give you the formula? That’s like giving you the answer right there. All you have to do after that, is plug in your numbers. Ryan respected that lots of people struggled with math, but...he honestly didn’t see the difficulty in it. But, his brain did work differently than most. 

> **Ryan** : Went fine, boringly fine.
> 
> **Gavin** : So, you think you aced the quiz?
> 
> **Ryan** : Probably, *shrugs* I miss you
> 
> **Gavin** : You just ‘actioned’ at me, and I can’t handle it. 
> 
> **Ryan** : Oh, didn’t know that was a big deal lol
> 
> **Gavin** : Where are you?
> 
> **Ryan** : School
> 
> **Gavin** : Fuck off, Ry. <3
> 
> **Ryan** : Why’d you ask where I was?
> 
> **Gavin** : I wanna skip and hang out in the theater storage room again.
> 
> **Ryan** : Really?
> 
> **Gavin** : Not gonna...just...want to. I haven’t been feeling school today.
> 
> **Ryan** : Aw, I’m sorry. Oh, and to answer your question. I’m just getting into my next class. 
> 
> **Gavin** : Me too, I’m in English :D
> 
> **Ryan** : Are you really that excited about English?
> 
> **Gavin** : Eh, not really. Wish I had Burnie.
> 
> **Ryan** : Too bad loser <3 He’s mine
> 
> **Gavin** : I gotta go, though. Text you later, or see you in lunch. Whichever comes first. 
> 
> **Ryan** : Alright :)

_____________________________

Mimi was waiting on the front porch of the farmhouse when Paul pulled up in his car, rising the dirt on the unpaved driveway. He immediately comes to a stop by the path, leading to the front steps of the house, close as possible, so Mimi wouldn’t have to walk very far. 

When he steps out of the car, he’s frowning concernedly. 

“Hello, Paul!” Mimi waves, she’s always very happy to see him. 

“Ms. Amy, why in the _world_ are you outside?” Paul responds, voice gentle. “You could’ve waited for me inside. I don’t want you to get cold.”

“This is Texas, we don’t have cold.” Mimi raises to her feet, using her cane for support. She’s a bit wobbly before she stables herself. Paul just looks exasperated. 

“If you would just slow down a bit, and let me help you...” Paul offers his arm to Mimi, she holds on trustingly.

“Wait for you?” Mimi scoffs playfully. “I don’t have time to wait for anyone!”

“Ms. Amy, going faster won’t make your time longer, it’ll just make life go by quicker.” Paul says as he helps Mimi down the stairs, and when they’re both on the path together, off the stairs, he speaks again. “We don’t want any of your time to pass by too quickly, do we?”

Mimi has to tilt her head upwards to look at Paul’s face, there’s something very childlike in Mimi. There’s an internal glow that shines outward of her heart like smooth sunlight. Her personality, and her general vibe are always light and playful. 

But Paul’s words are heavy and very true. She shakes her head. 

“I suppose you’re right.” Mimi sighs. “I don’t want life to pass by faster than it already is.”

“Neither do I.”

“So, it’s alright to slow down?” Mimi asks, Paul feels his eyes prickle with tears, and he doesn’t know why. He nods. 

“It’s perfectly alright,” He smiles softly at her, bright eyes warm. “And, if you need to go any slower, I’ll be right here.”

Mimi tightens her grip on Paul’s arm. “I really don’t know what I’d do, if it weren't for you.”

“Well, we don’t have to worry about that. I’ll always be here.” He opens the car door for her, helping her get inside.

“I wish I could say the same.”

~*~

Paul was taking Mimi to her next doctor’s appointment. The old woman had decided not to tell Ryan about any more of her appointments, if she could get around not informing him of the visits. It would only worry him, and Mimi hated to worry anyone. 

But, as Paul sat in the waiting room, and a nurse lead Mimi back to see her doctor...she felt a lump form in her throat. She never liked to hear what the doctors would say. It was rarely good. 

“Mrs. Shaw, always so lovely to see you.” The doctor smiled politely, Mimi offered a smile back, but she didn’t say anything. “How are you feeling?”

“Old.” Mimi had no trouble answering that one. 

“As quick as a whip, that hasn’t changed.” The doctor looks at a few documents on the manila folder. 

“Of course it hasn’t changed.” Mimi speaks up. “It hasn’t been that long.”

“Do you remember the date of our last visit?” The doctor asks, twirling the pen between her fingers. 

“No, no...we’re not doing this again. I’m _fine_.” Mimi shakes her head. 

“I’m not doing _anything_ ,” The doctor frowns. “I’m just asking if you recall the date or not.”

“I don’t _need_ to remember the date.” Mimi frowns. “It’s not important.”

“But, if you _had_ to remember, you could?” The doctor smiles softly, and Mimi feels bad for getting so defensive. The old woman bows her head a bit. 

“Yes, sorry.” Mimi nods. 

“It’s alright,” The doctor sits up a bit taller. “People try to make it seem like you’re losing your mind, right?”

“Yes!” Mimi frowns again. “Last time, the nurse asked me if I knew who the president was, what year it was...simple things.”

“You answered those questions without any problems remembering?” 

“Yes, I did.” Mimi says firmly. “I’m _fine_.”

“Your mind is fine, I agree.” The doctor folds one of her stockinged legs over the other. “But, that’s not why we’re here today, is it?”

“You know the answer to that question.” Mimi sighs. She feels horrible for being so rude to this woman, but her nerves are just getting to her. Mimi thinks of sending her a bouquet of flowers, or a plate of cookies to apologize sometime soon. Maybe just a card would be enough. 

“You’re right, I do.” The doctor nods. “So, I already asked...but, how are you feeling? And don’t tell me ‘old’ again.”

“Well...how about old _and_ tired?” Mimi chuckles nervously. 

“Mrs. Shaw...I want to help you, and I can’t if you don’t tell me what’s going on with your body. We’ve done our scans, taken our tests...but the rest is up to you and how you communicate with us.”

“I’m...” Mimi closes her eyes as they get teary. “I’m scared.”

“Why?” The doctor leans across her desk, offering a box of tissues to Mimi, the old woman takes a couple. 

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” The doctor is patient as Mimi dries her eyes, though more tears are coming. 

“Some days I feel great, and others not so much.” Mimi admits. “The days I feel worse, it’s difficult to breathe. Especially while laying flat.”

“Remember we said not to do that?” The doctor smiles sympathetically. “Always have your-”

“Pillows to prop me up, I know...it’s just so uncomfortable. It’s hard to sleep when I feel like I’m sitting up.” Mimi frowns. 

“Yes...it’d also be hard to sleep if you couldn’t breathe, though.” 

“I can’t argue with that.” Mimi laughs ruefully. “But, doctor...you must understand, right?”

“I do, of course.” The woman is still smiling. ‘‘I’m sure your grandson understands that what you’re going through isn’t easy for you. How is he, by the way?”

“He’s amazing. Perfect, and he’s so happy.” Mimi smiles softly.

“Great,” The doctor nods. “I’m glad.”

“Yes.”

“Last time we talk, you told me that you hadn’t spoken with him about this yet. Is that still true?”

Mimi avoids the woman’s eyes, she nods. 

“Are you going to tell him? I think he should know...disconnecting him from the situation will only add stress to both of you, Mrs. Shaw.” 

“He already worries about me so much, I don’t want him to worry further.”

“I understand.” The woman nods. “But, have you made...preparations? Should something happen.”

Mimi froze, her gentle blue eyes now focusing on the doctor. The old woman shakes her head slowly. “I don’t...like to think about...leaving R-Ryan.” The words themselves even hurt Mimi so badly, she dabs her eyes with the tissue again. 

“I know you don’t want to think about it, but...I just want Ryan to be prepared. You know...with things regarding the property. And those sorts of things.”

“I want everything to go to him. Everything.” Mimi nods.

“You should have it in writing then.” The woman crosses her legs. “But, I’m not really the person to help with that. I could refer you.”

“That’d be nice.”

“You’re very strong.”

Mimi chuckles ruefully at that. “Don’t feel like it, really.”

“No one does, but you certainly are.” The doctor smiles pleasantly at Mimi. “How about we get you checked up, now?”

_____________________________

He hears it, for the first time in a long time. The whispering. 

Well, to be fair...it might not have ever stopped. He could’ve just stopped noticing. But, as he walked down the hall towards the cafeteria, he sees their eyes on him. A small group of students, they smirk as they track him with their eyes. It doesn’t bother him, not until he can hear what they’re saying. Because, unlike the whispering, this comment is directed right to him. 

“How’s your mom?” He hears one of the males snicker. Ryan stops walking and looks the male in the eyes. Usually when he’d hear whispering, he’d keep going. The boy stops snickering and looks afraid under Ryan’s glare. 

“Hey, leave him alone.” Another male speaks up. “Don’t push him, he might go crazy like his mama and kick your ass.”

“It’s a shame.” One of the girls adds. “He’s not bad looking.”

“I just wanna know if his mom is _this_ hot,” The first male speaks again. “It’ll be like how many of the celebrities are fucking insane, but _hot_ as hell.”

Ryan’s eyes narrow and he’s standing at attention, but his body loses its tension, like he could lunge forward if he wanted to. He hasn’t felt this protective instinct over his mother in a long time. It happened a lot more when he was younger. Kids would make fun of his mother until he couldn’t take it anymore. He’d jump on them and ‘defend his mother’s honor’ or whatever the fuck. But, it wasn’t until he got older...that he realized that it wasn’t just that they were speaking ill of his mother. He was pissed because they were most likely assuming that he was the same way. 

But, not this time. These students were just being disgusting. Ryan closed his eyes and breathed deeply through his nose before opening his eyes again. The students were laughing as he did this. 

“Dude! I fucking told you!” One of the males says. “He’s gonna kick your ass!”

“No I’m not.” Ryan responds, his throat was tight from approaching silence. It made his response sound weaker. 

“Aw, maybe not.” A girl says. “James sounds scared.”

“He should be, I’d be scared if I was on my way down the dark path of insanity.” A male says. 

“Do you know how _serious_ this is?” Ryan raises an eyebrow. “Do you have any idea what it’s like for my mother, for me? Do you even know what she’s going through?”

“Psh, fuck no. Should I care?” The original male chuckles cruelly.

“If you were a decent human being, and you knew that someone was suffering, you wouldn’t fucking make fun of them.” Ryan’s words are being forced out by brewing anger.

“What do you know about being a decent human being?” The male responds. “You’re not that sane yourself my friend. You are a fucking weird person, you barely talk. This is the most I’ve _ever_ heard you say. On top of that, you walk around school holding hands with that one foreign dude, he’s weird too.”

“You’re pathetic.” Ryan shakes his head. 

“I bet your mom thinks the same of you.” The male smirks. 

_He’s probably right. If she knew how I was now._ Ryan’s hands clench into fists. _I can barely speak, she wouldn’t want me to be like her. She’d be so disappointed and she’d feel like it was her fault. It’s not her fault that I’m broken. I’m just weak._  

“What the hell?” Ryan hears a voice over his shoulder, he knows who it is without looking. Michael steps forward, to Ryan’s side. “What the _fuck_ did you just say to him?”

“Oh, hey -- uh, Jones, right?” The first male laughs nervously. “We’re just getting to know a new friend of ours.” He motions to Ryan.

“If you _ever_ talk to him again, I don’t care what for,” Michael shakes his head. “I swear to fucking g-” Michael’s distracted when Ryan turns and walks away from the whole mess. “Ryan, wait up!” He jogs to catch up. “How long had those assholes been bothering you?”

Ryan just shrugs. 

“Dude, you can tell me.” Michael insists. “I don’t mind.”

The older of the two just opens the cafeteria door and slinks inside, Michael behind him. Ryan glances at the table, he sees Gavin and all the others are already there, aside from he and Michael.

Ryan’s face is expressionless, but the darkness of anger is apparent in his eyes. He goes through the lunch line with Michael at his side, saying words Ryan can’t hear. He’s shut out the outside world. When he gets to the table, he also sees that his spot next to Gavin is taken, he hadn’t really noticed it when he first glanced at the table upon entering the cafeteria. Barbara was next to him, Griffon on his other side. The seats on either side of Geoff are open, so Ryan sits next to him. He’s still directly across from Gavin though. 

The Brit looks up when Ryan sits, with a smile on his face...but it fades quickly when he sees his boyfriend’s face. 

“What’s wrong, Ryan?” Gavin’s heart can’t choose rather to stop or beat rapidly.

Everyone at the table looks at him. 

“Are you ok, sweetheart?” Griffon asks, her tone motherly. Ryan hates having everyone looking at him like this, he wishes he could turn off the look on his face. Pretend he was fine. 

“There were some dickheads out in the hall,” Michael speaks up, everyone turns to him instead. Ryan was glad the eyes were off him, but he didn’t want Michael to tell them anyway. “They were making fun of him and his mom, and they called Gavin weird.”

“ _What_?” Gavin’s eyes narrow. “Someone was bothering Ryan?” 

“Are you serious? Who was it?” Geoff sounds angry. 

“Unacceptable.” Griffon stands up. “Are they still out there?”

“Please don’t.” Ryan says, his voice isn’t loud enough to be heard though over the fuss from the others. 

“Ryan told them off pretty well, and then I was about to fucking let them have it too, but I came in with Ryan to make sure he was ok.”

“ _Are_ you ok, Ryan?” Barbara asks. 

“That’s fucked up, Ryan. I’m sorry.” Ray says. 

“Yeah, it’s not alright.” Jack adds.

“Stop.” Ryan speaks. 

“What?” Gavin asks. “What’d you say, Ry?” 

“Just fucking stop. Drop it. All of you.” Ryan voice is a bit louder now. 

“No.” Griffon shakes her head, she’s still standing. “Ryan, we are your _friends_. Anyone who hurts you, won’t get away with it. Michael,”

“Yeah?” Michael raises a brow. 

“Show me who the fuck did this.” Griffon pushes her chair in. 

“Sure.” Michael gets up as well as Jack. 

“Me too.” Jack never lets Griffon do anything possibly dangerous on her own. Plus, if things get ugly, Jack’s big enough to break up anything before a teacher or other admin arrives. 

They walk off and Ryan holds his hands on either side of his head. 

“Ryan...?” Gavin’s voice speaks, dripping with concern. 

“No.” Ryan replies. 

“Please tell me. What’s going through your head?” Gavin begs. 

“No.” Is the response. 

“Leave him alone for a second, Gavin.” Geoff says as he brings his water bottle to his lips. 

“B-but...” Gavin lets his voice trail off, he’s feeling helpless. _But he’s hurting_. Gavin thinks. 

Moments pass, Ryan barely eats. Gavin is frowning with worry at him the entire time. Ryan won’t look up at him. Geoff, Ray and Barbara talk amongst themselves. But, the air is tense. Ryan feels guilty about it, he’s about to get up and leave when he looks up because there’s a shadow over him. 

“Haywood!” JJ’s voice rings out loudly, Ryan flinches at the volume. The rest of the News Crew is behind him. 

“H-hi.” Ryan manages. 

“Welcome to the News Crew.” JJ smiles at him. 

“Welcome!” The Crew echoes. 

“Thanks.” Ryan mumbles unenthusiastically. 

“We just wanted to say it officially in person.” JJ’s cheerfulness subsides. “Are you ok?” He asks when he notices Ryan’s sullen appearance.

“He’s...upset.” Gavin answers for him, Ryan wants to groan but he doesn’t. 

“Oh...I’m sorry.” JJ says. “We’ll leave you alone. I hope things will get better.”

“They will.” Arryn insists. 

“Thanks.” Ryan mumbles again. 

“Oh, before we go,” Miles speaks up. “What hoodie size do you wear?”

“Hoodie?” Ryan looks up at him. 

“We have official News Crew attire and we wanna put your name on the back of your hoodie and tshirt. You look...medium? But your arms...hm...”

“Large is fine. For both.” Ryan says then looks away again. 

“Aw, Ryan...” Arryn puts her tray down on the table, and then...she hugs Ryan around the shoulders. Gavin flinches at the same time that Ryan does when it happens, Gavin knows it must burn him. 

The hug does burn, and Ryan closes his eyes. He closes them tightly, brow creasing. He accepts it. Her body is a bit soft, she smells sweet. Arryn’s hold is gentle, it’s not entirely unpleasant. 

“Thanks.” Ryan says for the third time. 

“Of course.” Arryn pats his head, this burns more than the hug does. Again, Ryan and Gavin flinch at the same time. 

When the News Crew leaves, Gavin continues eyeing Ryan. This time, Ryan looks back at him. 

“Are you ok?” Gavin asks. 

“Can I go talk to you somewhere...alone?” Ryan says suddenly. Gavin blinks a few times. 

“Of course, Ry.” Gavin rises from the plastic chair, standing and picking up his tray. 

“Hey, Ryan...” Geoff shrugs. “If you’re not up to the interview later, then we can just do it on-”

“No, I’ll do it.” Ryan shakes his head. “It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?” Geoff frowns. 

“Yeah, bye.” Ryan leaves his own tray behind, walking with Gavin out of the cafeteria. 

“This fucking sucks.” Geoff runs his hands over his face. “I’m so angry.”

“He’s doing _so much_ better,” Barbara shakes her head. “I hope those people don’t ruin that for him.”

“Ryan is tough.” Ray shrugs. “I think he’ll be ok after he talks to Gavin.”

“Me too...but, _fuck_.” Geoff shakes his head. “I feel bad for whoever did this. Griffon _and_ Michael on their asses? They’re gonna get messed up.”

“Griffon is fucking scary when she’s pissed off.” Ray laughs. “She’s strong.”

“Michael is too.” Barbara comments. 

“Gross. _You_ would know.” Ray rolls his eyes, Geoff laughs at this. 

“Oh shut up.” Barbara throws an orange wedge at Ray. 

_____________________________

They look everywhere for the group that had picked on Ryan, they’re found out on the front steps. Good, they’re outside...they won’t have to keep their voices down. The teens are all sitting together, eating their lunches and chattering when Griffon, Michael and Jack find them. 

“Can we help you?” One of the females asks when she meets Griffon’s dark stare. 

“Why?” Griffon asks. 

“I’m sorry?” The girl chuckles in confusion. 

“You guys the ones who messed with Ryan?” Jack raises a brow at them. 

“You all mean ‘James _Freak_ Haywood’? Then hell yeah we did, why do you ask?” One of the males asks. 

“That is _not_ ok, at all.” Griffon folds her pretty tatted arms. “You’re not getting away with it.”

“I don’t hit girls.” The guy responds, shaking his head. 

“You won’t have to.” Griffon smirks. “And, don’t pretend to be a gentleman, now. After what you said to Ryan, I’m pretty sure we can all agree that you’re not a man, just a cowardly asshole.” 

“Look,” The guy stands up. “Apparently, you’re just a bit upset. Where’s that boyfriend of yours?” He asks about Geoff.

“Why do you care?” Michael stares at the approaching male. 

“Just wondering why he let his pretty little bitch out without a leash.” The guy hisses and Jack’s expression changes from cautious to enraged, and he pulls back alarge fist. Michael takes two strides forward. Griffon holds her hands on either side to stop them both.

“I’ve got this.” Griffon says calmly to the boys, keeping eye contact with the guy in front of her. “I came out here for another reason, but now you and I have two problems, don’t we?”

“What are you gonna do?” The guy chuckles, his friends are all mostly on their feet at this point. Griffon, Jack and Michael are currently out numbered. 

Griffon glances at Jack’s watch to see the time. They were right on schedule. She watches as Burnie crosses the street, his lunch bag in his hands. He’d gone to get carry out from Main Street. She smirks as he gets closer to the front steps. 

She’d originally wanted to come out here to wait for Burnie to return from getting his lunch, she knew he went off campus to grab his. Though finding the group of bullies wasn’t the main plan for coming out here, Griffon was glad that it’d turned out like this.

“I’m not going to do anything,” Griffon waves as Burnie jogs up the stairs. “But you’re about to get _Burned_.”

“Lame pun.” Michael says as Jack ‘boos’. 

But, Griffon was right. Burnie cared for both Gavin and Ryan, and Ryan was one of his best students. Messing with them was wrong enough, but Burnie was just the teacher to do something about it. They were indeed about to get ‘burned’. 

_____________________________

Ryan and Gavin had ended up in the gym, neither of them had spent much time there since the heist. Gavin had his tray with him still, and instead of going under the bleachers like normal, Gavin sat down on the first row and sighed. 

“I’m really sorry about what they said...” Gavin speaks first. Ryan is standing towards the center of the glossy gymnasium floor, looking down at his feet. “Are you ok?” Gavin’s voice is sort of echoey in here. He doesn’t have to speak very loudly for his voice to carry clearly to Ryan. 

“I feel like crying.” Ryan admits, his voice still very small like it was earlier. 

Gavin isn’t sure what to say at first, but he shrugs. “Do you want to?” 

“No.” Ryan shakes his head, scuffing his foot squeakily against the floor. 

“It’s ok if you do,” Gavin says gently. “It might help you feel better.”

“I don’t like to cry.” 

“Do you feel pressure in your chest? In your throat or stomach?”

Ryan nods. 

“It’ll go away if you cry.”

“I don’t want to.” Ryan says. 

“Will you come here?”

“Don’t wanna do that either.”

“Just come here, you pleb.”

Ryan crosses the gym to Gavin, dragging his feet noisily across the floor to him. 

When Ryan is standing in front of him, Gavin stands up too. 

“What did they say that hurt you?” Gavin runs his hands across Ryan’s face, it’s warm, his skin is taut. 

“That...I’m like my mom.” Ryan says shakily. “A-and that I’m weird and so are you. They talked about us holding hands...I don’t know if they found that weird or not. But, I like holding hands with you. They also said th-that...my mom would be d-disappointed in me.” The last part breaks Ryan’s voice, and the dam holding the tears in. Ryan begins to cry softly, Gavin’s heart hurts to see his boyfriend crumble, but he’s glad he’s here for him.  

“Oh, love...none of that is true.” Gavin wraps his arms around Ryan tightly. He feels Ryan’s face press into his neck. It reminds Gavin of when he saw Ryan after his therapist appointment, and he held Ryan while he cried. It makes him angry that he’s not out there with the others to tell the bullies off. 

“It is true...I’m so fucking weak.”

“That’s the _opposite_ of the truth.” Gavin shakes his head, running his fingers through Ryan’s hair. “You work hard, every day. To communicate, to take care of me, to take care of Mimi.”

“But...” Ryan isn’t sure what he wants to say, because what Gavin just said was true. 

“But what?”

“I don’t...I don’t know...” Ryan shudders a breath. 

“You have to be strong to let yourself cry, too.” Gavin whispers. “It’s easy to bottle everything up, but taking the time to let yourself open up and feel...it’s hard. My dad doesn’t want to do it, and _look_ at him, Ry.” Gavin says. “He’s getting better though.”

“Why do I feel so weak, then?”

“Because, you don’t know, Ryan.” Gavin holds him tight. “You don’t know how amazing you are. I wish you did.”

“I wish you knew too.” Ryan sniffles. “I love you so much, Gavin.”

“I love you too, Ry.” Gavin pulls back to see Ryan’s flushed, teary face. “Haha, look at you, bug.”

“What?”

“You’re so pretty.” Gavin reaches up to wipe at Ryan’s tears. “Silly, Ry.”

“I’m n-not pretty.”

“What did I say about learning to take a compliment, huh?” Gavin asks as he walks over to his lunch tray and picks up the napkin from it. When he returns, he uses it to wipe Ryan’s nose. 

“ _Argh_ , don’t do that!” Ryan moves away. 

“Shut up, Ry.” Gavin holds Ryan still and continues to clean his nose. 

“That’s embarrassing...” Ryan complains, but stops flinching away. 

“Let me take care of my Ry.”

“Just wait until it’s your turn.” Ryan sniffles again, he’s stopped crying now though. “I’m going to do the same thing for you.”

“I’d be very grateful, thanks.” Gavin smiles at Ryan, and he feels so happy when Ryan smiles back. “There’s my boy!”

“ _Boyfriend_ , Gavin.” Ryan’s smile turns to a smirk. 

“You’re right, Ry.” Gavin puts the tissue down and wraps his arms around Ryan’s neck. “You feel better?”

Ryan doesn’t want to admit it, but he nods. “Yeah, still kinda shaky though.”

“But the pressure is gone?” Gavin asks. 

“Yes.”

“Good, baby.” Gavin leans forward and brings their mouths together, Ryan’s doesn’t respond though. “Hey, what gives?”

“Why do people want to hurt me, Gavin?”

Gavin freezes for a second, but he knows the answer. “When people see someone who’s strong, you know? Someone who is above them and their bullshit, they _really_ want to bring them down.”

“But why?”

“People are idiots, that why.”

“I didn’t do anything wrong though.”

“You’re right, you didn’t.”

“Why does it matter that I hold hands with ‘boys’?”

Gavin sighs and closes his eyes. This is the exact thing he tried to keep from explaining to Ryan the other day. “It doesn’t, Ry. It really doesn’t.”

“I like holding hands with you, I like kissing you. I like being with you.” Ryan says.“It makes me happy.”

“And that’s all that matters.”

“Should...I stop holding hands with you?”

That part hurts. “Please, no. Keep doing it.”

“What if people pick on you too?”

“Then I’ll cry on your shoulder afterwards, and you can wipe my nose.”

“I’m serious.”

“Ryan...” Gavin shakes his head. “If you stopped doing _everything_ that someone else didn’t like, you wouldn’t do anything at all.”

“But-”

“No buts.”

“Gavin...”

“Yeah?”

“I want to be normal.” Ryan’s voice sounds like a plea for help. The words come out in a desperate noise. Like he’s asking Gavin to fix him. 

“Ryan, there is _absolutely_ nothing wrong with you.” Gavin reminds him. “We’ve been through this before.”

“I feel...bad.”

“Why?”

“For existing, and being the way I am.” Ryan admits. “I feel like...I don’t know.”

“Please, Ryan...don’t let what they said bother you.” Gavin keeps his arms around Ryan’s neck. “I love you how you are, so do our friends, and Mimi.”

“I know.”

“So, please don’t feel bad?”

“I...ok.” Ryan nods. 

“Promise?”

“Yes.” Ryan nods again. 

“Then kiss me back, silly.” Gavin smiles at his Ry. 

Ryan flashes a tiny smile before he leans down and kisses Gavin’s lips, small pecks like normal. Gavin smiles against the kiss. 

“That’s my Ry.” Gavin says against Ryan’s mouth before returning the gentle thread of kisses. 

Gavin is pissed off still, but it’s buried deep under the feeling of being happy that Ryan is feeling better now. He doesn’t understand how someone could see Ryan, as fragile and gentle as he is, and want to hurt him. Gavin isn’t letting this go. 

_____________________________

Ryan sits through the rest of his classes, watching the clock impatiently. He just wanted the day to end. Partly because he was really curious about the interview. But, he also wanted to go home. He felt like napping. Which, he doesn’t usually do. Though, he always felt like it after crying. 

On his way to the auditorium, Burnie stopped him. 

“Ryan, hey!” Burnie caught up with him. “Can we talk for a minute?”

Ryan shakes his head. “On my way to do an interview.”

“Oh, for a senior project?” Burnie asks, Ryan nods. “I’ll be quick then.”

“Um...ok.”

“So, those students who bothered you earlier? They won’t be bothering you again. And, I’m so sorry that they did.”

“How do you know about-”

“Also, if anything every happens again, feel free to talk to me. Ok?” Burnie looks at Ryan, trying to see if the boy understands. Ryan nods again. 

“Thanks.” 

“No problem.” Burnie smiles, but it fades into a look of concern. “Are you ok?”

“Y-yeah, I’m fine.” Ryan’s throat tightens at the question. 

“Are you really?”

_Burnie, you’re clamming me up before the interview. I appreciate it, but fucking stop._ Ryan thinks. 

“I’m ok.” Ryan says and then starts walking. Burnie lets him go, and turns to walk to opposite direction on his way out of the building. 

_____________________________

Geoff is sitting on the stage in the auditorium when Ryan enters, backpack on his back, cellphone in his hand. He’d been texting Geoff about where they were meeting. The raven haired male looks up at the sound of the doors closing behind Ryan. Geoff grins when they make eye contact.

Geoff’s set up looked like a real TV interview set. A single chair with lighting lamps pointing at it, _for me_ , Ryan thinks.Another chair a few feet away, for Geoff. There was also a camera pointing at Ryan’s seat. That part makes him nervous. 

“Ryan!” Geoff’s smile barely fits on his face. “I am _so_ pumped about this. You don’t understand.”

The younger of the two doesn’t say anything, just makes his way onto the stage and drops his backpack to the stage floor. 

“You’re sure you’re feeling up to this?” Geoff asks him, rising to his feet. Again, Ryan is silent, but not in an awkward way. Ryan nods at Geoff’s question and there’s a small unhide-able smile on his face. His bottom lip sealed between his teeth. “You reserving all of your words for this recording?”

Ryan is yet again silent, but Geoff reads it as a ‘yes’ so he grins. 

“Well, good. We need em.” Geoff chuckles. “Can you sit down over there?”

The younger does take his seat and a deep breath. Geoff is doing things with the camera. “I borrowed this from the tech kids. They’re super whiney about it, so I have to go to the school library right after this and fucking upload today’s footage so they can have their camera back.”

“It’s probably expensive, that’s why.” Ryan finally says something, Geoff likes the sound of his voice. It’s a calm deliverance of words, unlike his usual hesitating way of speaking. Not that it’s Ryan’s fault that he does that. 

Geoff grins. “You’re comfortable with me now?”

“Huh?” Ryan raises an eyebrow. 

“You’re talking really well, that’s all.” Geoff says as he zooms a bit in on Ryan. 

“Oh, th-thanks.” Ryan closes his eyes tightly as he stumbles over that bit. “Sorry, ruined it.”

“Nah, you’re fine.” Geoff is finally pleased with the shot. “Alright, so Ryan...”

“Yeah?”

“This is how these interviews work.” Geoff stands away from the camera so they can see each other without and obstacle in the way. “We’re going to start off by saying your name. Whatever name you want to use is fine.”

Ryan nods. 

“Then, I’ll ask you a few questions. You can go as far into detail as you want, or give as little detail as you want. Whatever you’re comfortable with.” Geoff says. “Ok?”

Again, Ryan nods. “More is better?”

“Eh,” Geoff shrugs. “For content yes, but I probably won’t be able to use every single second of your footage...so, don’t feel like you _have_ to give a lot. I’d rather it be good stuff and super short...rather than long drawn out bullshit, you know?”

“Ok.” Ryan sits up a bit. 

“Last thing, I’ll be moving from my seat, to behind the camera every once in a while. But, don’t follow me with your eyes, as tempting as looking at me can be.” Geoff jokes. “Keep your focus on the chair, even when I’m not in it.”

Ryan doesn’t nod this time, he chewing at his lips, thinking. But, he’s heard what Geoff said. 

“Ok, ready?” Geoff asks, feeling excited to hear all that Ryan has to say. 

“Yeah.” 

“So, eyes to the camera.” Geoff instructs, Ryan’s light eyes flicker up into the lens. “Ok...and we’re filming...go.”

Ryan wasn’t prepared for the strike of fear that hits him once Geoff gets the camera rolling. His body reacts to the camera-shyness by squeezing laughter out of Ryan. Geoff’s mouth falls open as he catches Ryan laughing on camera. The tawny haired male’s laughter is a rarity, and Geoff managed to be lucky enough to capture it. It’ll look great in his documentary too.

Between his contagious mirth, that has Geoff giggling now as well, Ryan is apologizing, a hand held up. 

“It’s ok,” Geoff says. “It’s good to get the sillies out before we get serious.” 

“Ok, ok.” Ryan sniffs as the last of his laughter fades away. “I’m done.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” Ryan nods, a small hint of a smile still on his lips. 

“Alright,” Geoff chuckles. “Gimme your eyes again and we’re already recording, so whenever you’re ready.”

Ryan looks up at Geoff, then into the lens. With the lighting lamps illuminating Ryan’s eyes, they look even bluer as they look into the camera. 

“My name?” Ryan raises a brow. 

“Yup.”

“I’m Ryan.” The younger says and isn’t sure of what to do next, so he shifts in his seat. 

“Where are you from?” Geoff asks the question in a clear, ‘interviewer’ voice. 

“Georgia.”

“When did you move to this town?” 

“Mid September...I’m pretty sure.” He’s just guessing when it was because, it’s actually kind of fuzzy now for some reason. Ryan sees Geoff point to his empty seat, meaning Ryan shoulder focus there. So, he does. His hands holding onto either side of his chair. 

“Did you have many friends, or acquaintances when you arrived?”

“No...I just knew my grandmother, but I barely spoke with her then.”

Geoff pauses his questions, looking up at Ryan to see how he was doing. If he was touching nerves he shouldn’t or not. But, Ryan just seemed to be waiting for the next question. 

“Why is that?”

Ryan’s eyes flickered over to Geoff quickly, barely noticeably. “I couldn’t...I’ve never been great at communicating.”

“Is that different now?”

“Yeah.” Ryan nods. 

“Why?”

“Because...I met someone.” Ryan gives a breathy laugh, because he feels his body chemistry change as he thinks of Gavin. Happy hormones nearly intoxicating him. 

“Do you mind telling me about this person? You don’t have to name them specifically.” 

Ryan was wearing a dopey grin now. He’s almost annoyed that he’s smiled so much during his interview, on camera, he’ll appear much more social and outgoing that he actually is in person. That’s not a _bad_ thing, really. But, Ryan doesn’t like that he’ll be giving that impression, because he doesn’t want people to expect that of him always. 

“Someone special, then?”

“No,” Ryan shakes his head, looking at the empty seat. “Someone _different_.”

“Care to explain what you mean by that?”

“He’s so different, from anyone I’ve ever meant...and that’s what got my attention.” 

“What’s different about him?” Geoff asks. “What made you notice him, out of every else? Even people from your hometown?”

Ryan shifts in his seat. “Have you ever been in a crowd?” He asks rhetorically. “It’s like, you _know_ there are people around you. You can hear them, smell them, even feel them bumping into you as they pass. They don’t have faces, or names. But they’re there.” He describes. “But, this...he...” He pauses. “He was different, at first...just by the sound of his voice. But then, by his everything. The way he treated me...like he could see me.”

Geoff is listening intently to every word. That first day, that everyone else encountered Ryan, at the lunch table. Geoff hadn’t. He’d only shown up afterwards, and ate the cookie that Ryan had left behind. All he knew about Ryan, was what the others told him. That Ryan was insane, that he was infected with ‘crazy DNA’ and...Geoff had played along. He had joked about Ryan’s insanity with the others, just because he didn’t know what else to do, what to say. And...he honestly hadn’t cared who Ryan was. 

He felt guilty. He felt no better than those rude people in the hallway who had bullied Ryan earlier, before lunch. Geoff frowned, ready to listen to Ryan continue, but...he’d stopped. Ryan was looking at Geoff, who was still standing behind the camera. 

“Oh...” Geoff clicked ‘pause’ on the recording. “Is something up?”

“No.” Ryan shakes his head. 

“Why’d you stop talking, dude? You were doing good.” Geoff compliments, and Ryan thinks about how Gavin might’ve corrected Geoff’s grammar just now. 

“I stopped...because you looked sad.” Ryan admits, taking his eyes from Geoff and looking down. 

“Yeah?” Geoff asks. “Well, your ass should’ve been looking at the interviewer’s chair, anyway.” He tries to laugh off his sudden nerves, but Ryan just blinked at him. 

“Did I upset you?” Ryan tilts his head to the side. 

“No, fuck...” Geoff takes a deep breath, and walks in front of the camera. “I was...just thinking.”

“What about?”

“You, dude.” Geoff puts his hands in his pockets. “About when everyone first met you.”

“Oh...ok?”

“Well, not everyone.” Geoff clears his throat. “Me, Jack, and Griffon weren’t there...not when you were.”

Ryan nodded, he knew this already.

“Apparently, you’d run off or some shit, to go eat outside.” Geoff says. “And, when I got there, you’d just left, and everyone was talking about you.”

“Oh...” Ryan’s eyebrows come together. “Bad stuff, right?”

Geoff sighs. “Yeah, bad stuff.”

Ryan looks down, but waits for Geoff to continue the story. 

“They were talking about how weird you were, and you were crazy and shit.”

Ryan nods again. 

“And...I just agreed with them.” Geoff shrugs. “I hadn’t met you, but I just...really didn’t care.”

Ryan is quiet, but still listening. 

“And, then...Gavin speaks up. He’s like ‘hey, stop talking about him, he’s new, like me...I’m sure he’s not a bad guy’ and everyone shut up, then he goes ‘picking on someone because they’re different is fucked up’ well...not word for word _like that_ , but-”

“He called me different, when I left?” Ryan’s eyes widen. 

“Huh?”

“You’re _positive_ that he called me different?” Ryan demands to know. 

“Y-yeah,” Geoff nods. “The other things are iffy, I wasn’t really fully listening.” Geoff admits. “But, I _know_ he called you different.”

Ryan lets a grin cross his face. _Even then...he knew it too. They we were both different._

“Hello, Earth to Rye-Bread?” Geoff kicks Ryan’s foot with his own, gently. Ryan retracts his feet behind the legs of his interviewee chair. 

“What?”

“Anyway, can I finish what I was saying?”

“Oh, yeah...” Ryan nods. 

“Ok, so...” Geoff sighs. “What I’m getting at, is that I’m sorry.”

“For...what?” Ryan is confused. 

“I’m sorry for...just, I don’t know.” Geoff shrugs. “I feel like I could’ve done better, that you’ve deserved better than that. And, I honestly...I’ve become so much less judgmental after meeting you, we all have. Griffon, Jack, Ray, Barb...even Michael.”

Ryan can feel himself blushing. 

“So thanks for making us better people, and giving us another chance.” Geoff shrugs. “We all feel lucky having you as a friend.” Geoff finishes his sappy speech with a small hesitant smile. 

Ryan studies Geoff for a while, he doesn’t smile back. But, he does stand up. When Ryan stands, Geoff furrows his brow. 

“What’s up, Ryan?” Geoff asks as Ryan steps closer. “What are you-”

Geoff is cut off by Ryan’s arms around him. It’s not what Geoff expected Ryan to do. He kinda thought Ryan might be getting up to walk out of the auditorium because he thought Geoff was an asshole or something. 

“Dude...” Geoff says, stunned. “You don’t even like hugs.”

“Hurry up, hug me back...it burns.”

“Oh, sorry.” Geoff wraps his arms around Ryan in return. The hug lasts a couple seconds and Ryan sits back down. He’s grimacing a bit, like the hug had made him uncomfortable. “I know you didn’t like that, but it meant a lot.”

“Out of the others...” Ryan clears his throat. “I’m closest with you.”

“Me, what?”

“I thought you knew that?”

“You might’ve told me before, but...why is that?”

“You’re just easiest to talk to, and be around without feeling scared.”

“The others scare you?”

“Not... _them_ just...people.” Ryan says. “It’s getting better being around them though.”

“Good, dude.” Geoff grins then steps back behind the camera. “Ready to get back to it?”

“Y-yeah.” Ryan nods. 

“Alright, and...” He pushes record. “Rolling.”

“What next?” Ryan looks at the camera, then Geoff.

“You were talking about Gavin.”

“I’m done.”

“Oh, well...” Geoff clears his throat. “Have any other people made a difference in your life, since you’ve come here?”

“Yeah, I was actually surprised about that.” Ryan speaks, noticing Geoff coming to sit in the interviewer’s chair. It actually made Ryan a lot more comfortable...not to be talking to an empty seat. “I met so many incredible people.”

“Would you consider them to be friends?”

“Yes, they’re good friends too.” Ryan nods earnestly. “Really good friends. I...realized that today, especially. They all came to my rescue, and protected me. Emotionally, as well.” Ryan has a small smile. “It’s actually...funny because, I’ve just learned that...some of my new friends, weren’t very fond of me when we first met, but...I grew on them, I guess. And, they definitely grew on me.”

“That’s great, Ryan.” Geoff smiles back. 

“Uh-huh.” 

“Well, it sounds like _people_ have really changed your value of life.”

“Absolutely.” Ryan nods again. 

“So, why are people important in your life, Ryan?”

Ryan blinks a few times, he _knew_ this question was coming. It was the prompting question for the senior projects this year. So, Geoff was absolutely going to ask him, and Ryan knew that. And now, Geoff _has_ asked him, and Ryan is just staring at the once again empty seat. 

He takes a deep breath. Ryan has been doing well so far, he’s been talking...even smiling and laughing. But, _this_. This right now, he’s unable to speak. He can’t answer the question. His throat feels tight, blocking all of the words from leaving his mouth. 

It’s upsetting, because he knows what he wants to say, but it won’t come out. He shakes his head, but his thoughts are unable to be cleared. 

“I...I, Geoff...” Ryan sounds a bit flustered. 

“Hey, are you ok?” Geoff sees that Ryan is slightly shaking. “Is this...like last time?”

Ryan glances up at Geoff, then looks at the floor again quickly. This is the second time this has happened in front of Geoff, this _only_ happens in front of Geoff. Something similar to this, used to happen when he was younger. But, it wasn’t really in front of the same person. It just used to... _happen_. 

It’s...it’s the feeling, of Ryan’s thoughts spiraling out of control. Where he can’t focus and he’s trying to keep up with the Earth that’s spinning too fast. So fast that he might fall off. This happened before, when Ryan and Geoff hung out after school, before the diner. 

“Hey,” Geoff makes sure the camera is stopped, before he approaches Ryan slowly. His hands are up like a white flag, to show Ryan that he means no harm. “This is like last time, ok?”

“I’m s-sorry...” Ryan’s voice is quivering, and he feels like he might vomit. 

“It’s ok, there’s nothing to be sorry about.” Geoff nods at him, flashing a small nervous smile. “Here, it’s like last time.” Geoff says as he puts his hands on Ryan’s shoulders. 

Ryan hisses. _Fuck, the burn_ , he grimaces. But, slowly, the rooms stops spinning. Though, he’s sweating just a bit. His skill feels hot, like he’s got a fever. He looks up at Geoff, they’re both breathing kind of raggedly. 

“You alright?” Geoff asks. 

Ryan nods. 

“Why...does that happen?” Geoff keeps his hold on Ryan’s shoulders, feeling them rise and fall under his palms. “Does it happen a lot?”

Ryan shakes his head. 

“Has it happened...other then the two times I’ve seen it?”

“N-not since I’ve been...” Ryan swallows. “Been here.”

“Been... _here_?”

Ryan nods again. 

“You mean, this town?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Why...only with me?”

“I don’t know...”

“Uh,” Geoff lets go of Ryan’s shoulders, but the younger of the two shakes his head rapidly and squeezes his eyes shut tightly. “Sorry, sorry.” The raven-haired male puts his hands back on Ryan’s shoulders. 

“It’s ok.” Ryan replies. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine, dude...but,” Geoff clears his throat. “Am I...triggering something for you?”

“What?”

“There...has to be a reason that it happens only with me.”

“I don’t know.”

“Alright, well...” Geoff lets go of Ryan, only to pull the interviewer chair from it’s current spot, moving it so it’s front of Ryan. That way, Geoff won’t have to bend his back at an angle, while he calms Ryan. “I’m sorry...if it is my fault, or something.”

“Yeah.” Ryan says then exhales deeply as Geoff replaces his hands. “It’s fine, you’re fine. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Geoff squeezes Ryan’s shoulders. “You’re ok now, understood?”

“Am I?”

“Yeah, you’re alright.” Geoff nods. “You don’t have to finish the interview, you’ve had a hard day and-”

“Just...give me a minute. Please?” Ryan isn’t looking at Geoff as he speaks. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry...I’m so fucked up.”

“Shut your ass up, there’s _nothing_ wrong with you.” Geoff’s voice is thick with sincerity. 

“I...I’m not normal.” Ryan shakes his head. “I want to be.”

“That’s bullshit.” Geoff snarls. “Why would you want to be normal?”

“So...I wouldn’t be like this.”

“There’s nothing wrong with-”

“Gavin already told me that there’s nothing wrong with me.” Ryan says. “And that he...and you all, enjoy me as I am...like this.”

“We do.” Geoff nods. “You’re great like this.”

“I want to believe you both, I do...” Ryan looks up at Geoff. “But, I don’t feel great...not now.”

_____________________________

Main Street divided one side of the small town, from the other. On both sides of Main Street, were residential areas. Though divided, they never felt terribly separate from each other, because the town was so small...and there weren’t really any ‘cliques’ formed on the separate sides. This wasn’t a turf war or anything, it’s just simply how it is. 

On one side of Main Street, lived Gavin, Ryan, Geoff, Griffon and Ray. Let’s say, Side A. 

On the other, lived Barbara, Michael and Jack. This side is also closest to both the high school, and the elementary school. This one, Side B. 

This afternoon, Gavin was going to be spending his time on Side B, at Michael’s house. As would Ray. 

~*~

In Michael’s basement, Team Lads sits together, playing video games. What else? The basement was called the ‘Game Cave’ for a reason. 

However, apart from gaming, they were also talking. 

“You guys,” Gavin frowns. “I didn’t bloody come here to...talk about Ryan, no offense.”

“Aw, come on.” Michael rolls his eyes. “We never hang out, or talk anymore...I just wanna know how things are. Then we can talk about other things.”

“Well, why don’t you lot talk about your own relationships first.” Gavin motions to the two of them. “Then, maybe I’ll talk about mine.”

“What the hell?” Ray snickers. “Me...and Jessie aren’t...really dating.”

“What??” Gavin and Michael chorus.

“I mean...we went to the dance, and yeah...we’ve kissed and stuff.” Ray shrugs. “But, I don’t think it’s going to work out.”

“Why the hell not?” Michael’s voice raises in pitch. “You _really_ like her!”

“I did.” Ray nods. “But, I’m just not feeling it anymore.”

“Is there a reason why not?” Gavin asks. 

“I like her, I do...but I don’t know if I’m ready for a relationship.” Ray focuses on the screen. “Things have just been feeling _really_ uncomfortable between us lately, and I don’t know why.”

“Maybe...” Michael guesses. “She wants a relationship now, and you don’t?”

“Do you really not want a relationship, or are you scared?” Gavin inquires. 

“Both.” Ray answers quickly. “I don’t have a _clue_ what I’m doing, you guys. Like, she’s great and we have so much fun talking and stuff. But, going on ‘dates’ it just feels weird.”

“Oh...” Gavin says. “Maybe you guys are just better off as friends?”

“Feels that way.” Ray sighs. “It sucks, I _really_ like kissing her.” 

The trio chuckles. 

“Friends with benefits?” Michael offers. 

“Nah, that’s too sloppy and everyone ends up hurt.” Ray shakes his head. “I’ve seen the movies.”

“You’re so lame, dude.” Michael pokes Ray. “But, I totally understand.”

“Have you told her, what you’ve just told us?” Gavin squawks as Michael’s character crashes on top of his own, taking it out swiftly. “Damn it, Michael!”

“Sorry, boi!” Michael replies happily taking his points for the kill, before turning the focus back onto Ray. “No, but seriously...dude. You should tell Jessie what you told us.”

“Yeah...I know.” Ray agrees regretfully. “I just...don’t wanna lose her as a friend now, though.”

“Tell her that, too.” Michael adds. 

“Yeah.” Gavin nods. 

“You’re not gonna date anyone any time soon after this, then?” Michael asks the youngest Lad. 

“Nah, it’s...not completely my thing.” Ray answers, then looks at Michael. “What about you? How are you and Barb?”

“Awesome.” Michael declares with a grin he couldn’t hide. 

“That _face_.” Ray laughs, Gavin does as well. 

“Well...” Michael’s grin turns into a blush. 

“You and Barb _are..._?” Ray pretends to sound shocked. “Michael Jones, you animal!”

“Shut the hell up...” Michael rolls his eyes. “We’re being _safe_.”

“Ew.” Gavin and Ray reply, still laughing. 

“Ok, Michael.” Ray says. “You and Barb are gross, end of discussion. Moving on to Gavin.”

“Yeah, Gav.” Michael’s voice is teasing already. “Are _you two_ being safe?”

“Ugh,” Gavin rolls his eyes. “I feel like I’ve been saying ‘we aren’t shagging’ for forever.”

“You guys really aren’t, though?” Ray looks sincerely surprised this time. “I thought that was just a cover up, because Ryan didn’t wanna talk about it in front of us.”

“No, it’s true.” Gavin confirms. 

Michael gives him a bump to the shoulder. “Anyway, how are other things with Ryan?”

“Emotionally, great.” Gavin smiles. “I’m _so_ in love.”

“Ew.” Michael and Ray sticks out their tongues. 

“Shut up, it’s brilliant.” Gavin laughs at the other Lads. “Michael, don’t pretend you aren’t all mushy over Barbara.”

“I am, dude.” Michael doesn’t deny it. “But you’re like, _really_ mushin’ on Ryan.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Gavin bumps Michael with his elbow. “But...” He sighs a bit frustratedly.

“Uh-oh,” Ray comments. “There’s not supposed to be a sigh, unless it’s a happy sigh.”

“What’s wrong, Gav?” Michael hadn’t expected there to be a frustrated sigh either. 

“I feel like I’m messing things up with me and Ry.” Gavin says. 

“Huh?” Michael frowns. “How? You two are seriously a model couple, like comparable to Geoff and Griffon.”

“I’m...getting jealous.” Gavin sets his controller down, not caring if his character gets attacked or not. 

“Jealous?” Michael repeats. “Because...people are checking out Ryan cuz he’s hot?”

“I haven’t...really noticed people looking at him, if that _is_ happening.” Gavin shakes his head. “But, it’s not that.”

“Oh, then what?” Ray asks.

“I _know_ that Geoff isn’t romantically interested in Ryan, but they have some kind of automatic bond. Like, they mesh really well.” Gavin explains. “It makes me feel...not good.”

“You think Ryan likes Geoff?” Ray raises a brow, setting his controller down as well. 

“No.” Gavin responds. “I know there’s nothing like _that_ between them, but I’m...I don’t know. It’s hard to explain.”

“Do you _not_ want them to hang out then?” Michael gives the question, Gavin shakes his head again. 

“No, no...I want Ryan to be close with all of you.” Gavin states. “I don’t know what the feeling is, or why I’m having it. I guess...it’s just that, Ryan was mine alone for so long, seeing him enjoying spending time with someone else so much, the way he is with Geoff is just upsetting for me.”

“Did you tell him that?” Ray turns to Gavin, bringing his feet up onto the couch. 

“Talk him, dude.” Michael suggests. 

“I talked to him about it this morning.” Gavin nods. 

“What’d he say?” The redhead is the last to put his controller down, after happily slaughtering the others to get enough points to win the game. 

“He says that he doesn’t want anyone but me, and that I shouldn’t worry.” Gavin looks at his friends. 

“And, Ryan isn’t a fucking liar. So believe him.” Michael pats Gavin’s back. 

“I do believe him, and I know he’d never lie to me...like I said, I don’t know what’s gotten me so insecure.” Gavin says. 

“You’re just in love.” Michael chuckles. “Send him a text.”

“Why?” Gavin asks, but he pulls out his phone anyway. 

“Just ask him what’s up.” Michael shrugs. 

“He’s still at his interview.” Gavin unlocks the device and opens up the messaging app. 

“So? He’ll answer you when he’s done.” Michael picks his controller back up. “Come on, let’s finish this game.”

“ _What game_?” Ray rolls his eyes, getting his controller as well. “You finished it for us, asshole. You got us already.”

“Let’s start another then.” Michael says with a smirk.

_____________________________

Geoff let Ryan have a minute, like he’d asked. When the younger male was settled, Geoff went back to his camera and prepared to record the final question again. 

“You _really_ don’t have to do this, Ryan.” Geoff says as he checks the angles and everything. “You gave me _more_ than enough solid footage and-”

“I’m ready.” Ryan states, not listening to Geoff’s ramblings. 

The raven haired male groaned as he looked at Ryan through the camera. 

“If you’re sure, then I’d appreciate it, if we could finish this interview with the final question.” Geoff says, Ryan simply nods. 

At that, Geoff pushes record and moves to take his seat in the interviewer’s chair. 

Geoff clears his throat before he speaks. “Why are people important in your life, Ryan?”

Ryan takes a deep breath. “My boyfriend told me the other day, that I didn’t start noticing other people...until I noticed him.” Ryan begins. “And, it really hit me. I thought about how much he impacted me after that, not that I hadn’t thought about it before.” He has a small smile. “I think about my future, I think about little things. I see so much color, I feel so many emotions. It’s completely changed who I am as a person.” He says. “But, I’ve also began worrying about things, that I normally wouldn’t worry about. And, I realize that the same things I look forward to, are the same things I worry about. My future, little things.” 

Geoff nods. 

“But, to answer the question that prompted this interview...” Ryan breathes again. “I think that people are important in our lives, because every person is like a door, and if they let you in...you find yourself in new places. Some of them good, some of them bad.” He says. “But, if you let someone else open your door, then you’re open to everything. You’re open to love, loss...happiness, sadness...everything in between. And, I think people are important in our lives because we can’t open our own door alone, you need someone else to do that for you. We need other people to experience all of life, and I’m very grateful to have learned that _now_...while I can still enjoy life, and I can still enjoy people. Because...I used to be so closed up, and so closed off. And...I know what it’s like without people. And, now I know how important other people are.” Ryan stops speaking, and he looks at Geoff expectantly. 

Geoff is sitting with his legs folded, hand over his mouth. He doesn’t come back into reality until he sees Ryan shift his weight uncomfortably. 

“Oh, oh...sorry. Wow, man...I just...wasn’t expecting...wow.” Geoff gets up to stop the camera. “Ryan, dude... _wow_.” 

“What?” Ryan runs a hand over his arm. “Good?”

“ _Good_?” Geoff sputters. “That was _amazing_!”

“What?” Ryan says again, eyebrows coming together. He chuckles, which he finds himself feeling more and more comfortable doing in front of Geoff. 

“Ryan, that was poetic as fuck! And _honest_!” Geoff throws his hands in the air. “You were great! That was everything this project was meant to be! And, it was so real, so _genuine_! I could just hug you again!”

Ryan blushes and looks away from Geoff, still rubbing his arm. 

“Th-thanks.” Ryan nods his head.

“I _knew_ you’d be the best interview!” Geoff exclaims as he powers off the camera. “I can’t wait until the entire school sees this! They’re going to be blown away!”

“Are we done?” Ryan asks, rising from his seat. 

“Yeah, man.” Geoff extends a hand. “I know you don’t like contact but-”

“It’s fine.” Ryan shakes Geoff’s hand, it burns less than he thought it would. 

“Thank you _so much_ , Ryan.” Geoff lets Ryan’s hand go. “This was awesome...and, should I walk you home? You were pretty shaky earlier...”

“No.” Ryan shakes his head, he’s looking at his text messages. “Gavin told me to text him when we were done. I think he’ll come walk with me.”

“Oh, alright.” Geoff sounds a little disappointed, but he hides it well. Ryan doesn’t notice as he texts Gavin. “Well, cool. Thanks again.”

Ryan looks up from his phone, showing Geoff a little smile. “You’re welcome.” He says as he puts his phone away and picks up his backpack. “Bye, Geoff.”

“Bye, Ryan.”

_____________________________

Ryan is waiting on the front steps of the school for Gavin. The Brit said he would meet Ryan in front of the school, since Michael lives so close to the campus. They could walk home like normal then. Ryan would like that. 

It isn’t long before Ryan spots his boyfriend approaching the sidewalk in front of the building, so Ryan jogs down the front of the steps to see him. 

“Hey, Gavin!” Ryan greets him cheerfully.

“Ry!” Gavin returns the enthusiasm as Ryan crashes into him. “I missed you, so damn much.”

“I missed you, too.” Ryan nods. “I really did. I had so much fun with the interview, and I wanna tell you all about it...if that’s alright?”

“Duh,” Gavin taps their fingertips together. “Tell me everything, love.”

“Um...” Ryan laces their fingers and begins walking towards their side of the small town. “Well, just...talked about you and Mimi and our friends, and stuff.”

“Good.” Gavin smiles, waiting for Ryan to say more...but he doesn’t. “Was that it?”

“Uh, yeah.” Ryan nods, laughing. 

“I thought there was going to be more than just one sentence, you sounded way too excited for one sentence worth of information.”

“Well, there’s nothing else to really say.” Ryan thinks. “Oh, I hugged Geoff.”

“You...” Gavin’s grip on Ryan’s hand loosens slightly. “Hugged him?”

“Yeah, because he told me about on the first day you and I met, how you stuck up for me.” Ryan says. “You called me different!” Ryan glows. “It’s amazing!”

“Oh...yeah, I did.” Gavin grins. “Because you were.”

“It’s the greatest thing ever! It’s like you _knew_ before you ‘knew’!”

“True, haha.” Gavin nods. “See, I knew there had to be more to the interview, other than just that one sentence. Tell me what else.”

“Um...” Ryan thinks. “I had another little freak out.”

“Huh?”

“I felt everything racing and stirring and I kind of...had a little attack. It happened last time Geoff and I were alone.”

“What?” Gavin’s eyebrows come together. “You didn’t tell me that.”

“I didn’t?” 

“No, what the hell, Ry?” Gavin frowned.

“Oh...well, yeah.” Ryan says. “I just get...I don’t know the word, anxious or nervous or something. It feels like everything is closing in on me and-”

“This only happens around Geoff?”

“Kind of.”

“Should you be alone with him anymore then?”

“It’s not like that...Gav,” Ryan shakes his head. “Geoff doesn’t do anything that makes me freak out. It’s kind of like, he...reminds me of something. I don’t know.”

“Wow, ok.” Gavin rolls his eyes. 

“I really like spending time with Geoff, though.” Ryan says. “It only lasts for like five minutes, and then I’m fine.”

“I _really_ don’t know how I feel about this.”

“I shouldn’t have told you.” Ryan sighs. 

“So, you should’ve just hidden it from me?” Gavin lets go of Ryan’s hand.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Ryan looks at his empty hand. “Why have we been so _rocky_ today?”

“It’s just an off day, that’s all.”

“How do we fix it?” Ryan asks. 

“I _really_ want to be alone with you.” Gavin says suddenly. “I just need to be close.”

“What...does that mean?”

“I just need you to hold me, Ryan.” Gavin wipes his hands over his face. “That’d make me feel so much better.”

“Then everything will be ok?”

“I think so.” Gavin nods. “I’m sorry, I’ve been weird today.”

“It’s ok, I’m just worried.”

“Can you come in my house for a little bit?”

“Sure.”

_____________________________

Ryan lets himself be lead through the backdoor of the Free house. They hear the caretaker with the kids somewhere around the living room. Mr. Free is still at work. The best part, is that Gavin is no longer grounded and they don’t have to sneak around. 

Gavin looks over his shoulder at Ryan.

“Do you want to meet Sandra?” Gavin asks as they stand in the the back hallway of the house. 

“Who?” Ryan raises a brow.

“Twin’s caretaker.”

“Oh...do you think she’d want to meet me?” Ryan asks shyly. 

“Sure.” Gavin leans over to kiss his cheek. “You don’t have to say anything, if you don’t want to.”

“I want to.” Ryan nods, nudging Gavin forward. He knows that, thanks to Gavin, he _can_ at least say hello. But, already, Ryan doesn’t feel intimidated by her. He _thinks_ he’s seen her before. Either way, he doesn’t feel frightened, at least not yet. 

As they rounded into the living room, Sandra and the twins look up from their work on the coffee table. 

“Ryan!” The twins chorus, abandoning their work, in favor of hugging the tawny haired male. Ryan is a bit stunned to be suddenly held around the waist by two tiny pairs of arms. But, the kids have never bothered him. He’s never had much trouble talking to them, and being hugged by them was ok too. There was a burn, and a sudden panic to his blood, but both subsided quickly. He pet their heads, not sure what else to do. 

“Hi Lilly, hi Avery.” Ryan speaks to them, and they beam up at him. Then, comes the onslaught of questions from both of them. 

“How was work?”

“He doesn’t have a job, he has school!”

“How would you know? He’s a grown up! He could have both!”

“He’s _not_ a grown up!”

“Is too, he has facial hair!”

“No he doesn’t!”

“Does _too_ , look at him!”

“Ryan are you a grown up?”

“Ryan do you have a job?”

“Stop asking him things! He hasn’t answered _my_ questions yet!

“I started asking him things _first_!”

“Shut up!”

“ _You_ shut up!”

Ryan stands, blinking at the two arguing tiny people, still holding him by the waist. He looks up, eyes begging for his boyfriend to help.

“Gavin, your minions.” Ryan says. “They’re quarreling all over me.” 

The blonde Brit gives a squeaking laugh at Ryan’s words, he is just so silly. 

“Alright, alright.” Gavin pries the children off of Ryan. “We’ve only come to introduce Ryan to Sandra, then we’re going to leave you guys alone to do your schoolwork.”

“Awww,” The kids whine. 

“Ryan isn’t staying for dinner?” Lilly frowns. Gavin turns to Ryan. 

“You can stay if you want, but...you have to go check on-” Gavin’s cut off by Ryan giving a nod. 

“Mimi.” Ryan confirms. “I could call her though...”

“No, no...” Gavin shakes his head. “I told you on the way here that I needed you to -- talk to me about something.” Gavin tries to hide the faint blush creeping on his face. He distracted the attention away from his statement by turning to Sandra. “Ms. Sandra, this is my boyfriend, Ryan.”

“Oh, lovely!” The woman approaches them. She’s slightly chubby, a long brunette pony tail. Her eyes a the color of freshly brewed coffee. Ryan tilts his head to the side as he studies her. 

Gavin is used to Ryan’s curious blue eyes, but he knows that some people can be thrown off by the way Ryan ‘drinks’ them in. 

“Introduce yourself, Ry.” Gavin elbows him gently. Any other time, Gavin wouldn’t put Ryan on the spot to speak. But, Gavin knows Ryan by now, and he knows darn well that Ryan can do this, he believes in him.

“Oh,” Ryan clears his throat. “I’m Ryan...I live on the, um, Shaw Farm with my grandmother, Mimi.” He says, then realizes he’s never gave that thorough of an introduction before. 

“Hello, Ryan.” She smiles. “Nice to meet you, I’m Sandra. I’ve seen your farm before, well...driven passed it several times. From even the outside, it looks lovely. I can only imagine how great it is on site.”

“Thanks.” Ryan subconsciously drifts closer to Gavin, somewhat hiding behind him as he gets nervous. Receiving compliments still made him feel strange. Even when they’re not directly specifically at him. 

Gavin feels Ryan move closer, this lets him know that Ryan is getting shy. And, since Sandra and Ryan have been properly introduced, there’s no reason to stay. So, Gavin taps his fingertips to Ryan’s. 

“Well, I’ll let you get back to the kids.” Gavin says, as he feels Ryan’s fingers automatically lacing with his own. 

“Alrighty, nice meeting you.” Sandra waves at Ryan, before returning to the table with Lilly and Avery. Then, Ryan lets himself be pulled away by Gavin back into the hall, and up the stairs. 

“We’re going to your room?” Ryan asks, his voice genuinely curious. 

“I just need to be alone with you, just for a little while.” Gavin says. “Then you can go home.”

“Should I call Mimi first?” Ryan questions. “Will this take a long time? Not that I mind...”

“No, no...” Gavin shakes his head, opening the door to his bedroom. “Just a minute, just a minute.”

~*~

They were standing in Gavin’s room, staring at each other, backpacks abandoned on the floor. Ryan’s jacket had come off with his backpack, because the garment has gotten stuck in one of the bag’s straps Nothing was happening, other than the silent conversation taking place between their eyes. There was something in the way Gavin was looking at Ryan, like the space between them was a divot far too grand. That he wanted to cross it, but there wasn’t a bridge. 

The expression made Ryan think of Dan, of how Gavin had felt that the space between them was too great also. He thought of how Gavin had tried to close that space with...

“I’m not going anywhere, Gavin.” Ryan says suddenly, and Gavin stops what he’s doing. He stops the lost expression on his face. They look at each other, their eyes locked. Ryan does close the space, which Gavin looks grateful for, as Ryan reaches up to hold the blonde’s face. “Is that why you want to be close? Are you scared...because of how today has been?”

“When I’m close to you, I feel safer.” Gavin responds, nearly whispering.

“But...is it because you’re afraid we’re drifting apart, or do you just need comfort?”

“The second one, mostly...” Gavin says. “I know that it’s a little bit of the first one, Ryan. But, I know you’re not going anywhere I’m not doing to you what I did to Dan...”

“That’s what I was thinking.”

“Damn it, I kinda wish that I hadn’t told you about that.” Gavin frowns softly, it’s just a subtle crease of his brow, but Ryan sees it. “I don’t want you to worry all the time about that, when I kiss you, or want to...anything else. Especially after a rough day like this one. It’s not all a desperate attempt to ‘strengthen’ our bond.” Gavin speaks, and Ryan focuses heavy on every word. 

“I don’t worry that _every_ time. Of course I don’t.” Ryan shakes his head. “I just thought of it now, I just wanted to make sure.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Ryan lets his hands drop from Gavin’s face. 

“Good.” Gavin nods. “I’m glad.”

Their conversation is cut short by Ryan’s phone vibrating in his pocket. The two boys make eye contact before Ryan pulls the device from his pocket and looks at it. The call was coming from the farm house. He answered it without hesitation. 

“Mimi?” Ryan spoke first, but he’s met his a husky chuckle on the other side. 

“No, uh...hi James, er uh -- Ryan.” The male voice responds. “This is Paul.”

“Oh, h-hello.” Ryan responds, both of them are awkward. “Is Mimi...ok?”

“Yes, yes.” Paul says quickly. “She’s just resting now, she had a busy day.”

“She...did?” Ryan asks. 

“Yes, she had an appointment, and they asked her a bunch of questions.” Paul sighs. “It seemed to overwhelm her and-”

“Questions?” Ryan repeats, brow furrowing. He feels Gavin’s head laying against his shoulder. The room is quiet enough that Gavin can hear Paul talking, and he listens as he’s concerned about Mimi as well. Ryan ran the back of his knuckles absentmindedly over the Brit’s arm. 

“About, well...” Paul rubs a hand over his hair. “Anyway, I’m calling because she’s just gone to take a nap. But, she told me to let you know that you didn’t have to rush home today. That you can-”

“I should be there...if she’s upset.”

“No, really!” Paul insisted. “I’m staying here to count up the worker’s hours so they can have their pay and I’ll be here for a while. So, you don’t have to-”

“I should be there.” Ryan declares, unwavering. “Thanks for calling, goodbye.”

When Ryan hung up, he turned to look at Gavin. 

“Paul sounded like he was trying to tell you everything was alright.” Gavin comments, nuzzling his cheek against Ryan’s shoulder. “I want you to stay.”

“I know, I know.” Ryan says. “I’m sorry...but, what if-”

“It was just questions, he didn’t say that they diagnosed Mimi with something horrible.”

“But what if she’s _already_ been diagnosed with something horrible?”

“She’s been getting better.”

“It could be the calm before the storm.” Ryan retorts. 

“Fine.” Gavin moves away from his boyfriend. “Go.”

“Damn it,” Ryan cursed. “Don’t be upset...we were good again.”

“We’re fine.” Gavin flops back onto his bed. “I can’t fault you for being concerned about your grandmother...”

“But...? There’s a ‘but’ after that.” Ryan flops down beside him. They keep eye contact. 

“But, I just really want...I want you here right now.”

“I’m always yours, no matter where I am.” Ryan murmurs, closing his eyes. “Why the _fuck_ is your bed so comfortable.”

“Because you belong in it.” Gavin replies before he can stop himself, and Ryan’s eyes fly open at those words. 

“ _Whoa_ there.” Ryan snickers and Gavin chews his bottom lip. The Brit is turning beet red. 

“I am _so_ sorry about that...that didn’t come out well at all.”

“I...think it came out just fine.” Ryan leans forward, sealing their lips in a kiss. 

“No,” Gavin speaks against Ryan’s mouth. “Don’t kiss me, it’s not fair because you’re not staying.”

“Gonna kiss you anyway.” Ryan gives Gavin his familiar rhythmic kisses.He feels the younger reach up to hold his face.

“I’ll let you go.” Gavin releases him before the kisses heat. “I’ll miss you, call me tonight.”

“Will.” Ryan says as he stands up. 

“Got everything?” Gavin asks as Ryan pulls his backpack on.

“Ummm, oh -- my jacket.” Ryan dips down to pick it up. When he rises again, Gavin is standing in front of him. “Dude, you move silently and quickly...like a ninja.”

Gavin only smiles at him. “Gonna bloody miss you.” He looks at Ryan so fondly, that Ryan wants to stay. “I’m glad we’re ending our day together on a good note.”

“Of course, Gav.” Ryan shifts his weight. “Hey?”

“Hm?” Gavin knows what he’s going to say, and he wants to hear it so badly. 

“I love you, Gavin Free.” Ryan says the words sincerely, like he’s giving himself over with those words. “Ok?”

“I love you, Ryan.” Gavin pets his face. “I have for quite some time now.”

“It feels like we’ve known each other longer than we have.”

“That scares me sometimes.”

“It scares me, too.” Ryan admits. “We’ve only known each other a few months and-”

“-We still have forever to go.” The two of them finish that sentence together. They blink at each other for a while afterwards, then they end up smiling, then laughing. 

“I’ll call you.” Ryan says, when their giggles have died down. 

“Please do.”

“Want to walk me to the door?”

“Duh, Ry.”

_____________________________

Gavin didn’t hear from Ryan for a while, several hours. Not that he’d expected to. It’s just, sometimes Ryan would shoot him a text, or he’ll shoot one to Ryan. However, amongst Gavin’s realization that he hadn’t heard from Ryan, he also remembered that Ryan had left out of concern for Mimi. He realizes that he should’ve contacted Ryan forever ago, asking if Mimi was alright. 

However, upon picking up his cellphone, he sees that he has a text message from Ryan...somehow he’d missed the notification. The text was sent a half hour ago. It was only a single word, and Gavin was confused.

> **Ryan** : Pie

Gavin stared at the word, blinking a few times before responding. 

> **Gavin** : I’m sorry, what?
> 
> **Ryan** : Pie, Gavin. I accidentally made pie. 
> 
> **Gavin** : How do you accidentally make a damn pie?
> 
> **Ryan** : I realized that I still had a boat load of Sweetie’s cookies from Monster Bash, and I didn’t wanna waste them...so I interneted ‘what to do with leftover chocolate chip cookies’ and...yeah. 
> 
> **Gavin** : So...you made a pie?
> 
> **Ryan** : Yeah, I saw something about making fudge with the cookies, but they said it had to sit in the fridge for basically the next 1,000 years and I’m like ‘ah hell nah, not waiting that long’ so...pie
> 
> **Gavin** : Did you just...what? ‘Ah hell nah’ ???
> 
> **Ryan** : ROTFL
> 
> **Gavin** : You’re..being odd.
> 
> **Ryan** : I may be having a sugar rush, but YOU DON’T KNOW ME
> 
> **Gavin** : Yeah I do, I do know you. But, I can’t picture you hyper. You seem a little nutty. 
> 
> **Ryan** : Help me, I’m going to eat this whole fucking pie.
> 
> **Gavin** : Well...don’t.
> 
> **Ryan** : Can I bring you some?
> 
> **Gavin** : Eh, chocolate chip pie, though?
> 
> **Ryan** : It’s like a mudslide 
> 
> **Gavin** : Doesn’t that mean like...poo?
> 
> **Ryan** : Why are you so horrible? Lemme bring you pie, babe. Please??
> 
> **Gavin** : But, chocolate pie?
> 
> **Ryan** : What’s wrong with that, though??
> 
> **Gavin** : I like *fruit* pie, Ry. 
> 
> **Ryan** : You are a fucking fruit pie >:/
> 
> **Gavin** : Ouchies, man.
> 
> **Ryan** : I’ll kiss it all better if you let me bring you pie. 
> 
> **Gavin** : Kisses? Sure, come over.
> 
> **Ryan** : Only if you agree to try my pie. 
> 
> **Gavin** : Fuuuuck your pie, I don’t want it. 
> 
> **Ryan** : EAT IT
> 
> **Gavin** : Shut up, omfg...
> 
> **Ryan** : EAT ITTTTTTTT, damn you!
> 
> **Gavin** : Is it good, though?
> 
> **Ryan** : Yesss, it’s like a cookie, but like a pie, but like both. 
> 
> **Gavin** : Ugh, fine whatever. 
> 
> **Ryan** : You’ll eat my pie?
> 
> **Gavin** : Why does that sound so dirty?
> 
> **Ryan** : *lays face first on the floor* ughhhhhhh
> 
> **Gavin** : *pokes with stick* Ry, are you ok?
> 
> **Ryan** : Be there in like...ten minutes. Eat my pie, bye <3

_____________________________

Gavin was sitting at the kitchen counter when Ryan pulled up in front of his house. He heard the cars engine turn off, he heard the car door close when Ryan got out of it. The Brit was amused by how it felt more sneaky to not even have to hide Ryan from his father, rather than when he actually did have to hide Ryan when he’d visit. He thought it was odd to feel like he was getting away with something when he was _actually_ allowed to do it this time around. 

The younger male had the door open before Ryan had made it up the short paved path, pie in hand.

“Grab some forks and a knife, asshole.” Ryan says, instead of a proper hello. Which, Gavin finds comical. The blonde responds by rolling his eyes and sighing.

“Hi to you too, Ry.” Gavin closes the door behind them as Ryan enters. “Go hop on a barstool, I’ll grab some eating utensils.”

“Solid.” Ryan replies as he passes his boyfriend and enters the kitchen. 

“Since when do you say solid?”

“The time is now, Gavin. This is the future.”

“You _really_ shouldn’t have sugar.” Gavin comments. “Are you aware of how insane you’ve been being?”

“Don’t care, try this pie.”

“Yes, Ryan.” Gavin rolls his eyes again as he fishes one fork and knife from the drawer, and a single plate. “I’m guessing you’re going to want to share my slice, like you always enjoy sharing my food.”

“I dunno.” Ryan shrugs, resting his chin on his palm. “I’ve already eaten so much.” 

“I can’t finish a whole slice by myself if you cut it too big.” Gavin returns to Ryan and hands him the knife.

“You’re making me cut it? Lame.” Ryan says. “What if I cut a huge piece?”

“I can’t have too much sweet anyway, I might get sick.” Gavin shrugs. “How sweet is it?”

“Less sweetness, more richness. Kinda like a cheesecake.”

“Well, don’t cut me a big piece unless you'll help me eat it.”

“Let me show you how much I ate already.” Ryan takes the aluminum foil off the top of the dish, to reveal about forty percent of the pie is already gone.

“Holy shit, Ry.” Gavin’s eyes widen as he pulls himself onto a barstool next to his boyfriend. “All of that is in you right now?”

“Mimi had like a sliver of it, but yup.” Ryan pats his stomach. “All in here.”

“That’s not ok, no more pie for you.” Gavin watches as Ryan takes the knife to the pie. “Too much, love!”

“Nah, it’ll be great.” Ryan snickers as he cuts a slice, which in his opinion isn’t too much. But, he does make it smaller for his boyfriend. Even hyper with sugar, he knows he doesn’t want to make Gavin get sick. He knows Gavin would attempt to eat as much of the slice as he could, just to appease him. He wasn’t about to let Gavin do that. 

“Hm,” Gavin eyes the slice of pie Ryan has put on the plate. “Thanks.”

Ryan looks very hopeful as Gavin picks up the fork. The Brit can’t help but snort at how Ryan is looking. 

“You bloody look like a little kid at the store as they’re dragged passed the toy aisle. Like, you’re hoping that _this_ is the time your parents finally stop by the toy aisle and let you pick something.” Gavin brings his fork into the dessert, and then into his mouth. 

Ryan’s eyes only grow in size as Gavin chews thoughtfully then swallows. When the younger male is silent for more than ten seconds, Ryan whines pathetically and slumps over the counter. Gavin holds up a hand, palm upwards. 

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Gavin says as he goes for another forkful. 

“Wait...you’re still eating it?” Ryan sits back up again. 

“Why would’t I?”

“You didn’t fucking say anything!”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t like it!”

“Say something!”

“It’s great, I’m gonna eat the whole damn thing right now!” Gavin brings the next forkful into his mouth. “Oh my gosh, Ry. I don’t know if I could handle you hyper all the time. I’m glad Sweetie’s cookies don’t make you do this when they’re not in pie form.”

Ryan waves a hand at that comment. 

“Ooh, sassy.” Gavin teases, mimicking the hand wave. “Didn’t know being hyper filled you with such sass.”

“I’m not being _sassy_.” Ryan folds his arms, an absolute _pout_ on his face. “You’re not telling me what you like about the pie, that means you don’t like it.”

“Bullshit.” Gavin smirks, digging the fork into the dessert again. Ryan finds this smirk of Gavin’s particularly attractive. He doesn’t say it though. 

“Then, tell me what you like about it.”

“It’s chewy.” Gavin points at it with his fork. “Is that the right word? Like...I mean, it’s not just _mush_.” He tries to explain what he means, not sure if he’s getting it across well. “Like, I enjoy that it has a texture. I was worried that it was going to have the consistency of pudding...I wouldn’t like that. I like the fruit pies because you can enjoy the pieces of fruit.” He says. “And, I can enjoy the pieces of cookie here. And, the cookie parts are almost like cookie _dough_ here and that is also damn amazing. So, yes, I _do_ like it.”

“You...do?”

“I just said as much.” Gavin nods. “I also love, love, love that it kept the unique taste of Sweetie’s chocolate chip cookies.”

“Me too! That’s why I ate so much.”

“I still prefer the actual cookies though.” 

“Same.” Ryan grins, happy to hear that Gavin is actually enjoying it. Though, it’s not the reaction he’d hoped for. This is the first time he can remember ever being ‘pleasantly’ disappointed. 

“Hm,” Gavin hums, swallowing what’s in his mouth before reaching a hand out. “Come here.” The hand is extended towards his face, so Ryan leans into the palm of the extended hand. The older male makes a contented sound when their lips meet. When they separate, they catch eyes, smiling at each other. 

“Hey,” Ryan lets Gavin’s hand drop from his face, so the Brit can continue eating. 

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for trying the pie.” 

Gavin chuckles, mouth full so he doesn’t say anything right away. When he can speak again, he rolls his eyes for the third time tonight. 

“I’m willing to try anything you’ve made, Ryan.” Gavin informs him. “Willing it won’t be poisonous or something. But, seriously, I’m really proud of your work here. This pie is _really_ good.”

“I’m glad.” Ryan nods, debating whether or not he wants another bite of it. Gavin sees him eyeing it, and collects another forkful of pie. He offers it up to Ryan, and the older male leans in and gratefully takes it. “Thanks.” Ryan replies, mouth full. 

“You can thank me by getting me a glass of water.” 

“Mmkay.” Ryan slides off the barstool and walks around the counter, opening and closing cabinets until he finds the glasses.“You _do_ know that you could’ve helped me out.” Ryan says without turning around. 

“And, _you_ could’ve looked a few degrees to your left and seen the freshly cleaned glasses chilling out on the drying rack, but...ya know.” Gavin giggles when he hears Ryan breathily utter a curse as he notices the glasses near the sink. 

Both of them grow silent when they hear feet coming down the stairs. They’re obviously not those of the twins, they sound larger, heavier than theirs. It’s Gavin’s father. And, though he’s been in good spirits lately, both boys know that could change so they’re cautious. 

Ryan pretends not to be affected by the man’s presence as he stands in the entry way of the kitchen. He carries on to the fridge. 

“You want ice, Gavin?” Ryan turns to him, holding up the empty glass. The blonde only nods, keeping his eyes on his father. 

David doesn’t say anything at first. He just moves passed the two of them to the drying rack and gets a glass as well. He stands near Ryan, waiting for him to get Gavin’s water first. 

Ryan pushes ice dispenser button first, lets Gavin’s glass fill quarter of the way with ice, and the rest of the way with water. David follows suit, while Ryan moves back to his seat next to Gavin. 

When the man has his glass of water, he turns to face the two of them. The silence grows thicker and more awkward with every passing moment. And, it isn’t broken until Gavin picks up his fork again. 

“You could say hello, you know?” David says, his eyes on the visitor. 

“Oh, h-hi...Mr. Free.” Ryan’s voice is smaller than he wants it to be.

“You could call me David.”

“I couldn’t.” Ryan responds with that automatically, though he doesn’t want to. Gavin’s eyes move from his father to Ryan, then to his plate. “I mean....not y-yet...I don’t think.”

“Oh.” Is all David says.

“It’s a nice name, though.” Ryan comments, again...it’s an auto response. 

At Ryan’s comment, David snorts and walks over to the other side of the counter. He sets his glass down and drums his knuckles on the countertop.

“Hello, Ryan.” David says, after realizing that he’s not said hello Ryan either. 

Ryan only nods at him, his expression easily changing from timid to curious quickly. _He seems so_ ** _human_** _right now. Like, an actual fucking person, holy shit._ Ryan thinks. 

“Watcha eating, Gavin?” David motions to the plate. 

“Ry made pie.” Gavin responds quickly. 

“That rhymed, might I try?” David chuckles, continuing the rhyming purposefully. 

Gavin didn’t have a rhyming response, so he turned to Ryan. 

“Can my dad have some?” 

Ryan only nods, getting up to go retrieve another plate. 

“No, you sit.” David points to the barstool Ryan was sitting in and he goes to get his own plate. The man’s brunette hair is wet, he’s just showered. Ryan doesn’t remember hearing the shower going, but that’s the kind of thing you only really notice in complete silence or if you’re listening for it. The man is wearing striped pajama bottoms and an old tshirt that used to have some graphic on the front, but it’s worn off almost entirely by now. 

David returns to the counter with a plate and fork. He stands patiently eyeing the pie-tin. Ryan doesn’t realize that David is waiting for him to cut the pie until Gavin nudges his side. 

“Oh, sorry.” Ryan says, reaching for the knife. He isn’t sure how big of a slice to cut. If he cuts too little, it might seem like he’s being stingy, if too big...that might mean something he doesn’t want it to as well. Like, that David looks as though he eats a lot. Or it might look like Ryan’s trying to be overly generous and trying to be a kiss ass. 

“To here.” David relieves Ryan of the responsibility of guessing by pointing to how big of a slice he wants. As Ryan cuts it, David begins speaking again. “I probably should’ve asked what kind of pie it was before you cut it.” He says as Ryan puts the slice onto his plate. 

“Chocolate chip cookie...pie.” Gavin answers and David’s blue eyes flicker over to him. His father raises a brow.

“Cookie pie?” The man repeats, then hums curiously. “The only reason I didn’t think to ask was because Gavin doesn’t like non-fruit pie. And, if he’s eating it, he either loves you a whole lot, or it’s actually damn good.” David explains. “I knew it had to be because it was good.”

“How’d you know that?” Ryan asks, a bit surprised at how the words had found their own way out.

“Because, it’s bloody half gone, isn’t it?” David wears a crooked grin. Gavin gives a breathy laugh and Ryan looks away as he does as well. Also, Ryan is afraid to see how David reacts to his first bite. Gavin however, is very intent on watching.

Ryan can hear the sound of the fork against the plate, then he hears silence. When ten seconds pass, Ryan again wants to flop himself across the counter and whine. He can’t do that with David here though. Though, he does finally react. 

“My _god_ , you _made_ this??” David’s eyes widen. “This is so damn good, I’d pay money for this. Gavin, wrap me up another slice of that for later.”

“See, Gavin?” Ryan points to David. “That’s the kind of reaction I was hoping for.”

“Oh, shut up!” Gavin sticks out his tongue. “I wasn’t in the mood for pie, nor was I in the mood for sweets. And, I’m enjoying it anyway so you shut up.”

Ryan reaches over and takes Gavin’s nose between two of his fingers, and pulls gently. He takes those two fingers and jams them into the pocket of his jeans. Gavin blinks a few times, then knits his eyebrows.

“What the hell did you just do?” Gavin doesn’t realize that he’s just cursed, and his father choses to ignore it because Gavin has just said what he was about to anyway. 

“You’re being a butt, and you can have your nose back before I leave.” Ryan replies, forgetting that David is even there pretty much, until the man’s fork clatters onto his plate and he begins laughing. Ryan and Gavin turn to look at him, surprised. 

“It’s not funny, Dad.” Gavin scolds his father. “Don’t encourage his nonsense. Ryan is really, very silly.”

“He just confiscated your nose and I can’t laugh about it?” David is leaning his weight on the counter. 

“I should say not.” Gavin picks up his glass and drinks from it. Ryan takes Gavin’s fork, helping himself to what’s left of Gavin’s pie. “Hm,” Gavin hums as he sets the glass down. “Yeah, help me out, Ry. I don’t think I can finish it by myself.”

“I know.” Ryan says back, mouth full, unaware that he’s gotten some of it on his chin somehow. 

“You’ve got...” Gavin taps on Ryan’s arm so the older male looks at him, then he motions to his chin. Ryan's brow creases. “Ugh, idiot.” The blonde says affectionately as he reaches his thumb forward, swiping it over Ryan's chin, which is starting to go prickly again. Gavin takes his thumb into his mouth and Ryan scoffs. 

“Gross.” Ryan looks down to hide the fact that he’s blushing. Doesn’t really hide it though, both Gavin and David notice. 

David is done laughing by now, back to eating his dessert. He looks from Ryan to Gavin, noticing the way Gavin looks at him. Well, the way they look at each other. 

_Bleeding hell, they’re_ ** _actually_** _in love? Can you believe it, Jules?_ David thinks, both happiness and sadness flood him as he remembers when he and Julie used to look at each other like that. He also feels bittersweet because...damn it, his kid’s in love. That’s the most dangerous thing your kid can do besides...illegal stuff, or whatever. Also Gavin is-

“Hey, Dad?” Gavin says, pivoting himself on his barstool. David’s icy-blue eyes float over to him. 

“Yeah?” 

“When are Ryan and Mimi supposed to have dinner with us?” Gavin tilts his head to the side, and David wants to chuckle at that. He remembers Gavin used to only ask questions while tilting his head when he was little. Gavin _never_ asked questions without doing that. He also remembers one time Gavin was doing that, and tilted his head a bit too enthusiastically and banged his noggin on a kitchen cabinet pretty hard and fell over. Julie ran over to him and scooped him up, holding the crying child and cooing ‘everything is alright, love. nothing to cry about’ and David was just, well, laughing. His wife scolded David between kissing Gavin’s slowly bruising forehead. 

David shook his head in attempt to focus, a hand making its way into his brunette hair. 

“What was the question?” The man clears his throat. 

“When are Ry and Mimi supposed to have dinner with us...to talk about the-”

“Oh, oh...right.” David arches a brow. “I...never said when.”

“I know,” Gavin nods. “But I was thinking that-”

“Wait, is this a trap?” David looks between Gavin and Ryan. 

“Huh?” Gavin asks. 

“Have you made this incredible pie, and are being all cute together in front of me to butter me up before the discussion about Georgia?” David eyes them both, he’s half joking, but he _is_ a bit worried that he’s right. Because, if that is the case, it’s absolutely working. 

“No, we...wouldn’t...do that.” Ryan hopes his slow speech isn’t making it look like he’s lying. He’s just still pretty bad at talking to David. 

“Honestly, Dad?” Gavin sputters a disbelieving laugh. “We’re not that clever.”

“Hm,” David digs his fork into his pie, finishing the slice. “Well, it’s damn working, whatever you’re doing. I approve.”

“Approve?” Ryan repeats, an auto response. 

“Approve of what?” Gavin is mixture of confused and intrigued. Because, since when does his father approve of anything?

The man stands up and picks up his dishes, bringing them to the sink. He hasn’t replied to Gavin's question yet, and it’s too much suspense for the younger Brit, who’s wriggling in the barstool in anticipation.

“Approve of _what_ , Dad?” Gavin asks again and David speaks without turning to look at them. 

“Of Ryan.” David answers, finally. But, Gavin is even less satisfied than before. “I like him...he’s different than that last bloke. He’s different than any young person I’ve encountered. It’s damn clear that he really cares about you as well. So, I approve.”

_Different?_ Ryan thinks, he looks down again to hide whatever expression is on his face. He can feel himself smiling, but he’s not actually sure if he is or not. He just feels warm all over, a strange kind of happiness, but a welcome one indeed. 

“Right,” David turns to face them, clapping his hands together. “I’m off to bed most likely, so goodnight to you both.”

“Good night.” Gavin and Ryan chorus. 

“Is Ryan staying overnight?” David asks. 

“No.” Again, the boys are in unison. 

“Ah, well...travel home safely Ryan.” David waves then disappears out of the kitchen and up the stairs. 

“Your dad is an _actual_ person.” Ryan hums. “Who would’ve guessed.”

“I tried to tell you that he wasn’t that bad.” Gavin watches as Ryan finishes his dessert. “It’s just...he gets into this darkness sometimes, especially when he’s been drinking.”

“Darkness.” Ryan repeats as Gavin takes his dishes to the sink to join his father’s. Gavin would wash them in the morning. They do have a dishwasher, but it’d be a waste to use it for two plates, two forks and a knife. Gavin knows there is some lazy sod out there who uses their dishwasher for two plates. Wasting all that water and electricity. 

Gavin can hear Ryan’s footsteps approaching him from behind, then he feels strong arms encircle his waist. 

“Ry,” Gavin says contently as Ryan holds him closely. 

“Hm?”

“You going home soon?”

“I don’t want to.” Ryan rests his chin on Gavin’s shoulder.

“Well,” Gavin overlaps Ryan’s arms around his waist with his own. “What do you want to do, love?”

“Can we go over to the couch?” Ryan points across the all to the living room.

“Are you asking me to cuddle, silly?”

“I dunno,” Ryan shrugs. “Sure? I just be with you for a while.” 

“We can do that.” Gavin nods. “I’d like that.”

_____________________________

The next day started off more like normal, and Ryan was happy about that. As much as he enjoyed things that were different, he enjoyed knowing that things were the same between himself and Gavin just as much. 

He could see the Brit waiting at their halfway point, the lanky teen was standing, checking his phone for messages from Ryan. It wasn’t that Ryan was late, but Gavin was wondering if Ryan was _going_ to be. 

Ryan smirked at the perfect opportunity to startle Gavin. He crept up slowly and right as he’d filled up his lungs with air to yell ‘boo’, Gavin greeted him. 

“Hi, Ry.” Gavin said casually. 

“Aw, Gav...” Ryan deflated, and pouted. “I wanted to scare you.”

“Scare me? That’s not nice, Ryan.” Gavin puts his phone away and smiles at his boyfriend. 

“Yeah, well...” Ryan didn’t have a comeback. “Yeah?”

“Silly,” Gavin put his hands on Ryan’s shoulders to hold him steady, then he leaned in and touched their lips together. Ryan thought about it, as he kissed Gavin back. About how many times...at their halfway point, that he’s wanted to kiss Gavin. Now he is, and it’s just as incredible as he’d imagined. 

When the kiss ends, Ryan grins at him, and it’s a very sincere smile. 

“Why the face?” Gavin asks, blushing under Ryan’s extraordinarily fond gaze. 

“Falling in love with you, was like falling in love with a shooting star.” Ryan responds, stunning and confusing Gavin all at the same time. The Brit’s mouth opens and closes a few times before he can say anything to that. 

“You’re going to have to tell me what you mean by that, Ryan.”

“It’s just, I swear...if I’d blinked, I would’ve missed you, Gavin.” 

Gavin closes his eyes and presses his lips into a thin line. He doesn’t open them for a while. When he does, he speaks. 

“Every day, you just...you never cease to amaze me.” Gavin taps their fingertips together. “We’re going to be late if I stand here, trying to come up with something romantic to say in return.”

Ryan holds his hand, smiles contently. 

_____________________________

Ryan and Gavin have a calm day. And at lunch, no one bothers him. In the lunch room, he gets his food and sits with the others. He gets his seat next to Gavin this time, they even had chocolate chip cookies to go with lunch today. They aren’t on Sweetie’s level, but Ryan wasn’t expecting them to be. He does eat the cookie first, before the rest of his food however. 

He was listening to Ray talk about how he’s overheard that there are more new students coming to the school at the beginning of the second semester. Jack joked that they might be getting a bunch of new Ryan’s. That made Ryan laugh, it was a breathy chuckle, but the group noticed, and they all smiled in return. They all like hearing Ryan laugh. 

The table’s eyes looked up as once again, J.J stood at the head of the table, with other members of the crew in his wake. 

“Afternoon, table of Ryan.” J.J’s voice was loud and enunciated as usual. “Haywood,” He focuses his eyes on Ryan. “You’ll be attending our meeting later, correct?”

Ryan tilts his head to the side as he looks up at J.J, he nods. 

“Excellent, we have a few things to cover so bring your thinking cap, listening ear, and whatever else it is you crazy kids have.” J.J looks from Ryan to Gavin. “You are of course allowed to attend, if you’d like.”

“I might just drop Ryan off, I told Michael that I’d study with him and Barb in the library while Ryan meets with you all.” Gavin replies, J.J only nods. 

“Fair enough.” J.J waves to the entire table. “Afternoon, let’s go, crew.” He leads the News Crew out of the cafeteria, no doubt headed to the News Room to eat. 

Ryan looks down at his tray, thoughts running through his head for a moment. 

“That J.J kid is _so_ dramatic.” Barbara comments, but not in a negative way. 

“And loud as fuck.” Michael adds, Ray sputters at him in response. 

“ _You’re_ complaining about someone being loud? Wow...” Ray rolls his eyes at Michael. “Just, _wow_.”

“I’m not that fucking loud!” Michael retorts, however his voice raises in pitch and volume, so it kind of cancels out his argument. Everyone at the table just chuckles. 

“Michael, you idiot.” Gavin looks up at him. “You’re the loudest one here, besides Geoff.”

“I’m not going to lie, I’m loud as dicks.” Geoff shrugs. “Anyway, how was your night, Gav? You seem happy today.”

“Is that a sex joke?” Ray asks. 

“Shut up, Ray. I’m being serious.” Geoff points his fork at the youngest male. “So, how was your night?”

“Fine.” Gavin nods. “Oh, bloody Ryan accidentally made pie. Then, brought me some.”

“Pie?” Griffon raises a brow. “What kind of pie?”

“He made a pie with the leftover heist cookies.” Gavin explains. “It’s...it was kind of like a...what did you call it, Ry?”

“A mudslide.” Ryan speaks, but his voice is kind of quiet. He’s still shy about talking to the others, but he’s improved so much from the beginning. Before, he couldn’t talk to them at all.

“Right, a mudslide.” Gavin says. “It was rich, and chocolatey and sooo good.”

“I knew you’d like it.” Ryan comments in a whisper to Gavin. The Brit responds by nudging his boyfriend in the ribs, Ryan snickers.

“That is _such_ a good idea!” Barbara chirps. “Ryan, you need to tell me how you made the pie! It’d be such a good idea to use at Sweetie’s! We throw out so many cookies and-”

“You _throw out_ cookies??” Ryan’s eyes widen, jaw drops. His voice wasn’t so shy when he said that. 

“Well yeah, it’s the rules.” Barbara shrugs. “The Health Department or something, says we can’t sell food that’s over...twenty-four hours old? Or something like that. I dunno.”

“Maybe you should give them to Ryan instead.” Jack chuckles. 

“No, but...seriously!” Barbara exclaims. “If we used them in something like a pie, we wouldn’t have to toss them, and it wouldn’t be a health violation, and I’m sure it tastes great!”

“I found the recipe online...wouldn’t that be stealing from them to use their recipe?” Ryan’s eyebrows knit. 

“He’s such a good boy, oh my god.” Griffon coos.

“Ryan, there are a million people in the world with lots of pie recipes! All we have to do is tweak it and call it our own!” Barbara informs him. “You should come work at Sweetie’s, we’ve been looking to try some new things, especially with the holidays coming up.”

Ryan _had_ mentioned getting a job before, but...he didn’t want to commit to a job right now. Not with all of the plans he has coming up. Well, not ‘all of’...he only had two. Being on the News Crew, and going to visit his mom, and well...spending time with Gavin. 

“I can...give you the recipe if you want to give it to your boss...but, I don’t want to work there.” Ryan speaks slowly, but clearly. “Besides, I’ll eat all of the cookies..you won’t have any to sell.”

Barbara smiles understandingly. “That’ll be cool, you can email it to me if you want.”

“Don’t have your email address.” Ryan responds, feeling Gavin lean his head on his shoulder. He tilts his head so it rests against Gavin’s. 

“Give me your phone, I’ll put my info in it.” Barbara extends her hand. 

Ryan shifts in his seat to retrieve his cellphone. He passes it to Griffon who’s on the other side of Gavin, she’s close to Barbara’s end of the table. 

“Everyone put their info in, then text themselves from Ryan’s phone.” Griffon instructs as she does so herself. “We need to all stay in touch.”

“Oh, good idea.” Michael comments, waiting for the phone to make it around the table. 

“Geezus.” Ryan mumbles under his breath, no one hears it but Gavin. 

“You guys, try not to bother him unless you really need something. Don’t overwhelm him.” Gavin remains rested against Ryan as he makes sure that the group isn’t stepping on Ryan’s toes. 

Even though Ryan wishes he could’ve told them that himself, he knows he wouldn’t have had the ability to, so he’s thankful that Gavin said something. He feels so lucky to have Gavin, in every way. But, especially right now, having Gavin looking out for him like this. 

“Of course,” Jack says as he types into Ryan’s phone. “We see each other enough at school not to need to bother him all the time.”

“Yeah, and when I get drunk, I only mess with Gavin.” Michael states, as if he gets drunk a lot or something. He doesn’t, that’s Geoff, really. But, Michael likes to make himself seem cool, like he parties a lot. He’s far more lame than he likes to seem. 

By the time the phone makes it back to Ryan, he has five new numbers in his contact list. Ray, Griffon, Jack, Barbara and Michael. He’d already had Geoff’s and Gavin’s. 

“Thanks, I guess.” Ryan scrolls through the names before putting his phone back in his pocket. Then, the conversations built up again. The topic now was, what everyone was doing after school, Griffon had asked. 

“I’m off from work tonight.” Jack replies first. 

Ray runs a hand over his head. “Was gonna maybe get a haircut, but if we’re all available to hang out, I’ll postpone it.”

“Michael and I are studying with Gavin in the library, while Ryan hangs with the News Crew.” Barbara answers, looking down the table at Geoff. “What about you, Ramsey?”

“Dunno, Griffon.” Geoff looks up at his girlfriend. “What are we doing?”

“We could wait for Ryan to get out of his meeting, then we could all hang out.” Griffon suggests. “Would you all like that?”

Everyone agrees that it would be cool, there’s talk about playing video games at Michael’s, talk about movies, going to the arcade. All the ideas are thrown around, and for some reason, all eyes fall on Ryan. 

“Would you want to go, Ryan?” Ray asks, and Ryan blinks a few times. 

_Why are they looking at me?_ Ryan fidgets in his seat a bit, Gavin feels the movements and he doesn’t hesitate to turn his head, and kiss Ryan’s cheek. Gavin doesn’t know why he does it, it’s an auto response really, and it just messes Ryan up even further. Filling Ryan’s stomach with butterflies and making him blush.

“Damn it, Gavin.” Ryan whines as his face quickly goes rouge, and the table erupts in teasing coos and laughter at the couple, only making Ryan’s redden further. Gavin hides his face in Ryan’s shoulder. 

“Sorry, sorry!” Gavin squeaks, even though he knows Ryan’s not really that upset. 

“It’s ok.” Ryan uses his hand closest to Gavin to pinch the Brit’s side, causing Gavin to jump and give a tiny yelp. “Anyway, um...” Ryan looks up at the pairs of eyes that were still on him. “Sure...we can hang out after my news meeting...if I can call my Mimi first.”

“Well, duh.” Geoff rolls his eyes. “Put her on speaker phone, let us tell her ‘hi’.”

“Yes, yes!” Griffon chirps. “I miss her, let us tell her ‘hello’!”

“Sure...” Ryan nods, happy to hear that they’re all fond of her. Though, he knew that already. _This is what having friends is like._

_____________________________

“So, you’ll be alright?” Gavin is in front of Ryan, as they stood in the main office, in front of Room 5B, the News Room. 

Ryan nodded, but he didn’t speak. Gavin wondered if it was because Ryan was already feeling the silence that came along with his nervousness. But, the Brit noticed the small tug of a smile in the corners of Ryan’s mouth. 

“Text me if you need some encouragement.” Gavin reaches up to pet Ryan’s cheek, cupping it to pull Ryan in for a quick peck. “I’ll be in the library, ok?”

“Gav,” Ryan speaks. 

“Yeah?”

“I’ll...um, be fine.” Ryan is clearly having a bit of trouble talking. Even his sentences to Gavin right now or a bit broken up, and slow. Gavin presses his lips into a thin line. Ryan sees the look and his eyebrows knit in response. 

_No, I have to be strong for Ryan. I worry, he worries._ Gavin gives himself a pep-talk. 

“Well, of course you’ll be fine.” Gavin cheers up, Ryan smiles in response.

“Yeah?” Ryan asks, his dimples showing as he gives a small grin. 

“Hell yeah, you’re my lovely Ry.” Gavin nods. “You’ve always loved writing, and you wanted to join the paper since you’d read it. So, now here’s your chance.”

Ryan really appreciated Gavin’s words, and he nods. 

“Thanks.” Ryan holds his bottom lip between his teeth. 

Sometimes, Gavin missed when Ryan was this shy around him, this quiet. It reminded Gavin of when they’d first started spending time together. 

“I’ll see you later, Ry.” Gavin waves, Ryan waves back and enters Room 5B. 

~*~

The Crew looks up when the door opens and Ryan lets himself inside. 

“You made it!” Blaine grins. “Awesome, come in, come in.”

Ryan nods and closes the door behind him. The others from the Crew all sat their things down to give Ryan their attention, however, that attention was quickly swallowed up by J.J who stood at Ryan’s side. 

“Haywood, thank you for attending your first News Crew meeting.” The raven haired boy speaks, then holds out his hand to Miles. “First, we’d like to welcome you with some gifts.” 

“Gifts?” Ryan repeats as Miles steps forward with a few folded clothing items.

“First, News Crew T-Shirt, your name on the back and your Online Blog URL.” J.J explains, as Ryan is handed the first item. He looks at the shirt, it’s grey, which he loves. The material is _so_ _damn_ soft. And, Ryan, being all about textures wants to rub his face on it, maybe when he gets home... _fuck, I’m weird_ , Ryan thinks as he thanks them for the shirt. 

The front of it says the name of the high school, and then ‘News Crew’ in capital letters. On the back, it says ‘Crew Member: Ryan Haywood’ and..Ryan grins. This is the second belonging that has his preferred name on it, other than the keychain that Gus had made him. The URL says @RHaywood. 

Next, Miles hands Ryan the hoodie, it’s also grey, and incredibly soft. It has the same words as the shirt and Ryan has to again refrain from rubbing his face into the fabric. 

“Ok, ok! Clothes, great!” Arryn jumps in place. “Show him the blog!”

“Calm down, damn.” Miles rolls his eyes. “You show him, since you’re so thrilled.”

“I will, thanks!” Arryn takes ahold of Ryan’s sleeve, it doesn’t burn, she’s not quite touching him. But, he does flinch in reflex. She leads him over to one of the desktop computers, and she logs into the machine. “Ok, so Ryan,”

“Yeah?” He responds, voice curious. 

“This is the blog.” She opens up the internet browser, and it’s the first thing to pop up because it’s set as the browser’s homepage. “Since you’re now one of the ‘admins’ you have the option to login under the ‘staff’ tab. And, I’ll do that for you now.” She clicks on the ‘staff’ tab and logs into Ryan’s account. “We gave you a standard password, which will be emailed to you today by one of us. Change it though, make it yours.”

Ryan just sits and watches, he feels like he’s being inducted into a secret society. All of these codes and operating systems. 

“Ok, here’s the fun stuff.” She explains. “This is your profile, you can fill in whatever information that you’d like, add a profile picture. And...you enter your blog posts here, blah blah blah.” She points to the different things. “Also, people can send you messages and or questions. Check your blog messages and your email often. There can be recommendations or leads for awesome stories we could report on.”

“But, feel free to ignore dumb questions.” Kerry comments. “Sometimes they get way too personal, and this _is_ a ‘scholarly site’.” He does finger quotes. 

“There’s already something in my inbox?” Ryan notices that there is a number ten above the envelope icon.

“Oh...” Arryn moves the mouse over the envelope and clicks it, brow furrowing as she reads it. “Looks like you got some generic questions just upon signing up. That’s a new feature right? The generic questions?” She looks over her shoulder at the others. Miles just shrugs, Kerry does as well. 

“I think so.” Blaine offers, but it’s still not a sure answer. 

“Whatever, it’s not important.” Arryn shrugs. “Answer the questions in this inbox if you would like your readers to get to know you better.”

“I don’t have any readers.” Ryan replies, eyes flickering over the list of questions. 

“When you do, you might find it beneficial to interact with them. It makes for a bigger following, and I think you’d really enjoy it.” Arryn says, then looks over her shoulder at the others. “Should we talk to him about the current events going on in town, and at school? See what type of articles he might be willing to write?”

“Absolutely.” JJ nods. “Some official news business would be nice.”

“So, should we tell him about-” Arryn is interrupted by JJ holding up a single hand. 

“We can talk about official news stuff, after we tell Ryan more about us.” JJ sits on the sofa. The other crew members eyes him before they also take seats. 

Blaine capsizes onto the couch, laying his head on JJ’s lap, much to the raven haired boy's (faux) annoyance, and Arryn sits on JJ’s other side. Miles and Kerry sit on the arms of the sofa, all of them facing Ryan. 

“Who wants to start first?” JJ asks. 

“Should Ryan go first?” Miles supposes, and JJ scoffs. 

“No, no.” JJ shakes his head. “Ryan’s a guest, he goes last. But, why don’t you start, Arryn?”

“Why? Because ‘ladies first’ or some shit?” She rolls her eyes, but chuckles nonetheless. “So, I’m Arryn...moved into town when my parents got tired of the city. But, I was just a baby so I don’t remember. I’ve lived here, ever since. I still love escaping to the city when I can.” She pauses. “Met Miles and Kerry when we were still in elementary school. I met Miles first, I beat him up for taking my box of raisins during snack time.”

“She was terrifying.” Miles adds, and Ryan tries not to laugh. “But, we...bonded over that more or less. So, I introduced her to Kerry and the three of us kind of just-”

“Clicked.” Kerry finishes. “We joined the newspaper because we were always being nosy...and getting into trouble for getting to deep in our own little ‘investigations’. Our advisors said it would be best if we-”

“Put our snooping to ‘good use’.” Miles does ‘finger quotes’. 

“But, it turned out to be the best thing ever!” Kerry exclaims. “This is the most fun I’ve ever had in school. And, it looks hella good on work or university resumes and applications.”

“That’s super true.” JJ nods. “It’s looks really good on your official documents. Which is why Blaine joined, right meathead?” He looks down into his lap where Blaine has remained reclining. 

“Shut the fuck up,” Blaine frowns as he sits up to face Ryan to speak. “I joined the newspaper because I was failing my classes, and my advisor just so happened to recommend JJ as a tutor.” The jock explains. “Therefore, I said ‘JJ help me not fail so I can stay on my sports team’ and he says ‘sure whatever, but I have theater and newspaper’ and I said ‘whatever’ and yeah.” Blain folds his arms. “So, I stayed after with JJ to study, while he attended to his clubs and I got interested and spent all my free-time outside of sports here anyway, so I joined. Then, it turned out that I loved it, and I love reporting on the current events...so...that’s that.” Blaine keeps his arms folded. 

Ryan is so interested in hearing about this group. They are all pretty cool people, and he feels incredibly comfortable with them. 

“So, JJ,” Arryn nudges him. “Your turn.”

JJ looks at his hands in his lap, and he takes a deep breath. This is the first time that Ryan’s seen him look anything less than...what’s the word? Loud? Vibrant? Confident? He looks smaller now, with having to talk about himself. 

“Alright.” JJ looks up at Ryan, his brown eyes revealing even more so, how hesitant he is to tell Ryan his story. “So, I’m Juan Jose Jones-Castillo, super fucking huge name...so, JJ is easier. My mom’s been married twice, I have quite a few siblings.” He shrugs. “I’m not as confident as I like to appear. Theater and News Crew help with that, it taught me to be outgoing, how to be the kind of person I want to be. Like I told you before, these kinds of things can get you out of your shell.”

Ryan listens closely to what JJ is saying. 

“I like you, Ryan.” JJ grins. “I see a lot of potential in you. A lot of promise, and I’m super glad that you’re giving us the chance to get to know you. I’m aware that it isn’t easy for you.”

“Yeah...it’s not.” Ryan nods, answering without so much meaning to. But, now that he’s said something, everyone is looking at him like he’s supposed to say something else, so he clears his throat. “I’m Ryan...” He begins, he can feel the lump forming in his throat, and for some reason...he feels like he might cry. _What is wrong with me? Why am I so..._

“Hi, Ryan.” The others greet him as if this were an AA meeting. This catches Ryan off guard enough to make him flash a small smile, and though he wishes he hadn’t just smiling in front of them, the smile helps a bit with his frazzled nerves. 

“I moved here...f-from Georgia this fall...because my mother couldn’t take care of me anymore.” Ryan’s voice is a bit rocky, but they all seem to be being very patient with him, all listening. That makes him feel better. “She’s a lot like m-me, it’s hard for her to talk too. And...I thought that...I’d never make a-any friends, or...get used to being around people.” He looks down at his hands in his lap. “But...n-now, I have my boyfriend, Gavin. And, our group of friends....” 

Arryn smiles, holding her knuckles over her mouth as she watches Ryan speak. 

“And...also, now I have you guys.” Ryan looks up at them. “I feel very lucky.”

The News Crew smiles at their newest member. 

“That’s awesome, Ryan.” Blaine begins clapping, the other join in and Ryan’s face goes a bit rouge. 

_They’re clapping for me? Like...the others did for me at the end of the farm tour._ Ryan thinks. 

“So, Ryan.” JJ clears his throat. “Why’d you want to join the newspaper?”

“Yeah, dude.” Miles grins. “I mean, we’re happy to have you, obviously. But, I’m curious.”

“Oh...” Ryan clears his throat. “I love to write...and, I picked up a school newspaper...a-after the Monster Bash, and I read the entire thing.” He explains. “And, it was really professional and informative. I couldn’t believe students had made it, so...I talked to my advisor and I talked to Burnie and Gavin, they all said I should join...and that I’d be good at it.” Ryan stops speaking, but they’re still looking at him expectantly. “That’s why.” He concludes, twiddling his hands. 

“Well, sweet.” Kerry grins. “That’s an awesome reason why. Welcome, dude.”

“Thanks.” Ryan gives a small smile, he hopes it appears bigger on his face than it feels. He really does mean it. 

“Enough of the mushy, shit.” JJ stands up on the sofa, hands on his hips. He’s back to being his loud ‘center of the stage’ self. The dark haired boy points a finger at Ryan. “Are you, sir, ready to hear the thrilling tale that is news media?”

“Um...” Ryan swallows nervously. “Yes?”

“Damn right you are, kid.” JJ smirks. “Let’s begin.” 

_____________________________

Ryan walks to the library when his meeting is over. He can hear Michael’s loud voice as soon as he enters the room. So, he _could_ just use that as a guide to find the group. But, he doesn’t do that. 

He wouldn’t mind going over to the others right now. He’s still feeling overwhelmed from hanging with the News Crew. Not that he didn’t have a blast, he really did enjoy it. But, being around other people is kind of draining, and he wanted to see Gavin on his own for a little while to recharge before being faced with the group. 

So, Ryan tells a tiny white lie.

> **Ryan** : Hey, Gav...where are you guys? I’m in the library but I can’t seem to find you all. Can you come to the entrance to get me? I’m up here :)
> 
> **Gavin** : You’re out of your meeting already, love? Be right there. Don’t move, Ry <3

Ryan stands where he is, shifting his weight. He’s excited to see Gavin again, he feels like it’s been too long. It’s only been...over an hour, maybe nearly two. 

When the older male sees Gavin appearing from the rows of bookshelves, he waves. The library is mostly empty, there are a few students around, but it’s not really the school’s hotspot. Especially not after normal school hours, so it’s primarily vacant. 

“Hey, Ry!” Gavin looks at the bundle under Ryan’s arm. It’s the News Crew attire under his arm. “What’s all that?”

“News Crew stuff.” Ryan motions for Gavin to follow him over to the nearby table. There, he lays the two items out of the desk. “They have my name on them and-”

“RHaywood@NewsCrew.” Gavin reads. “That’s your username on the blog site?”

“Yeah.” Ryan nods. “I also have an ID.” He pulls the lanyard from inside his shirt. “They took my picture today and printed my ID right there, like when you get your driver’s license...not that you would know.”

“They do the similar thing when giving you passports.” Gavin says. “But, cool! You’re so official.”

“I feel like it.” Ryan shows a full grin. 

“Oh, Ryan.” Gavin pets his cheek. “I’ve missed your smile.”

“Aw,” Ryan takes Gavin in his arms. “I’ve missed _you_.”

“Cheesy.”

“You started it.” Ryan lets him go after a few moments, then moves to fold up his News Crew clothing. 

“I can’t wait to wear those.” Gavin points to the clothing items. Ryan snorts. 

“What?” He asks. “These are _mine_.”

“Yeah, I know.” Gavin nods. “But, if I wore them, everyone would know I’m yours.”

Ryan blushes, and he looks away from Gavin. “Dude...”

“What?”

“Stop.”

“Stop what, hmmm?” Gavin smirks. “Something I said?” 

“You’re horrible.” Ryan rolls his eyes. “You can’t be _that_ sweet to me, it’s...embarrassing.”

“I’m your boyfriend, I’ll be as sweet as I’d like.” Gavin grins smugly at him. 

“Oh, by the way...” Ryan clears his throat. 

“Yeah?” Gavin ruffles a hand through his bangs, then moves them out of his eyes. 

“I need to call Mimi, and make sure that it’s ok that I’m going to be late.”

“Oh, right...” Gavin nods. 

“But, the others said that they wanted me to put Mimi on speakerphone when I did it, so...should we all head outside?”

“Yeah!” Gavin’s face lights up. “I’ll go get them!”

~*~

Everyone crowded around Ryan and his phone as they all stood on the sidewalk. The phone rang twice before Mimi picked up the call. That’s when everyone started voicing various ‘hellos’ and such. The old woman gasped at first, but she was chuckling happily by the time that the greetings all died down. 

“Hello to you all as well, my goodness!” Mimi is still giggling. “What a surprise!”

“We miss you!” Barbara chirps. “How are you feeling today?”

“Well, very well...” Mimi answers. “Thank you...Barbara, yes?”

“Yes, Ma’am!” Barbara confirms. “I’m glad you’re doing well.”

“Hey, Mimi...it’s Geoff.” The tattooed teen greets the older woman. “Would it be alright if we took Ryan to hang out?”

“Getting my grandson into trouble?” Mimi teasing, and the group laughs in response. 

“No way, probably the movies or something.” Michael speaks up. “It’s Michael, by the way.”

“Hello, Michael!” Mimi replies. “Well...as long as Ryan is alright with it, there’s no reason that he couldn’t spend time with you all. Of course he can.”

“Are you sure?” Ryan finally says something, his voice a bit unsure. He’s worried about Mimi, as always. 

“Ryan, absolutely.” Mimi nods, though he can’t see it. “I’ll be here, and I’ll be just fine.”

“But, you’ll call me...if you’re not ‘just fine’ anymore, right?” 

“Yes, I promise.” 

“Double promise?” Ryan asks. 

“Dude, double promises.” Geoff comments. “That’s hardcore as dicks.” He whispers, causing the group to laugh, all of them attempting to hide their laughter as not to disturb Ryan and Mimi’s conversation. 

“I double promise!” Mimi says to her grandson. “Should anything go wrong, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Well, alright.” Ryan sighs, not sure if he’s bought it or not. 

“Hey, none of that ‘sighing’ business.” Mimi scolds playfully. “Go have fun, please?”

“Alright, alright.” Ryan agrees. “I love you.” He says, and he’s never really said that before...over the phone. In front of other people. He’s blushing now. 

“I love you too, Ryan. See you later?”

“Yeah, see you later.”

_____________________________

Ryan was glad that he had Gavin this time around, when going to hang out with the group. He felt more sure of himself, but he also felt like he had a shield to hide behind. And, he wasn’t sure if having a shield was a good thing or not. 

The arcade they went to however was vibrant in both sound and color. Geoff tells Ryan that there are usually more people here on the weekends, and later in the evening too. Ryan really can’t imagine it more buzzing than this. There were other students from their school there as well. 

Gavin and the others showed Ryan how to play all of the games, after Ryan told them that he’d never been to an arcade before. And, when the others found out that neither Gavin nor Ryan had ever played Pac-Man before, they acted quickly and set them up on the machine. Ryan and Gavin took turns trying to beat each others highest scores, and were both easily stumped by Ray’s score. But, Ray was just good at every game it seemed. 

Michael tried to get enough tickets to get Barbara a stuffed animal from the prize room. He only ended up getting enough tickets to buy lame stuff. Barbara begged him to get matching plastic rings, and spent the rest on temporary tattoos. Enough for everyone, even though Griffon and Geoff already had enough real ones. 

~*~

After they exhausted a lot of time and money in the arcade, they went across the street to the skating rink. Not to skate, however. They just wanted to use their photo booth again. This time, it’d be better because they were all there together, Gavin included this time. 

Like last time, Michael and Geoff had their Griffon and Barbara on their laps. This time, Ryan and Gavin are kneeling on the floor. Jack and Ray are poking their heads in on the sides. 

“A lot more cramped than last time.” Jack comments as he puts the dollars in. 

“Lot more love.” Griffon reaches down and ruffles Gavin’s hair. The Brit lets himself be pet before scooting closer to Ryan. “Ready everyone?”

“Start the fucking thing.” Michael wraps his arms around Barbara’s waist. “I gotta pee.”

“You should’ve went before the god damn photo!” Geoff scolds. 

“Guys it’s starting!” Ray yells as the numbers being flashing across the screen. 

Everyone tried to straighten up to take a decent first photo. Everyone is attempting to smile, though they’re holding in laugher from their bickering. After the first picture is taken family photo style, with uncomfortable smiles, the second batch of numbers begin counting down. 

This time, Geoff reaches over to smack Michael playful on top of his head. Michael frowns then reaches over to get Geoff back. The second photo is of Geoff attempting to curl into a ball for safety, and Michael lunging for him. Barbara and Griffon are making eye contact with each other as they duck out of the way of their brawling boyfriends. Ray and Jack are both laughing, looking at the activity taking place on the photo-booth’s bench. Ryan is shielding his head from the flying feet, knees and elbows, and his lips are pressed together to keep himself from laughing as well. Gavin’s also shielding his head, but his eyes are on Ryan, his mouth is open mid laugh, broad smile on his face. 

The last photo is Gavin’s favorite. Geoff, Michael, Barbara and Griffon are all in a heap on the photo booth’s bench. Geoff’s eyes are pinched shut, he’s doing his cure-all laughter, and he’s at the bottom of the heap on the bench. Griffon is looking up at the camera, photogenic and beautiful as always, it’s clear that she’s laughing as well. Barbara is looking up at Ray, hair over her head, she’s laughing as well. Michael is on top of the heap, hands held up in a ‘why, Geoff??’ way, but he’s grinning, eyes on the camera. Jack is reaching forward as if to try and catch the four on the bench before they fell, but he’s too late and he’s laughing like he knows that. Ryan is looking up into the camera, a lopsided grin on his face, someone’s foot is resting on his shoulder. He thinks it’s Barbara’s. Gavin’s arms are around him and the Brit is kissing his cheek, a laugh-induced smile still on his face. 

When the photos are done being taken, they all crawl out of the booth, laughing still. For such a complex series of moments caught in the photos to last a life time, they only take less than ten seconds to be taken. And, once everyone is out of the booth, they grab their copies of the photos and they look at them. 

“Do we need to do them again? Like, be more serious about them?” Barbara asks. 

“No way!” Michael shouts. “Are you fucking kidding me, these are great!”

“I agree with Michael, they are pretty sweet photos.” Geoff says. “We’re like, as we are, ya know?”

“That’s what I was thinking.” Gavin looks up at them. “This is how I want to remember us.” 

“Aw, you guys...we’re gonna be old ass people, looking at these one day and we’re gonna remember exactly how we used to be.” Griffon pokes out her lower lip. “I love us, we’re great.”

“I don’t wanna lose these photos, man.” Ray comments. “And, I lose _everything_.”

“I imagine Ryan will put his up on his cork-board.” Jack looks at the tawny haired male. “Maybe Ryan will keep that board for a long time, and we can come over to he and Gavin’s house and look at them together.”

“Yeah!” The group choruses, besides Gavin and Ryan. They’re both lost in thought, imaging being together for a long time probably. 

“We need a damn group hug.” Michael declares, moving forward to wrap an arm around Jack, leaving the other arm open for someone to join. Griffon doesn’t hesitate to fill that space. Ray sighs and follows suit, worming himself between Griffon and Jack. Barbara is next, then Geoff. Gavin and Ryan are the only two outside the hug. “Hurry up, you fucks.” Michael’s voice comes from within the friend cocoon. 

“C’mon, Ry.” Gavin says, knowing that his boyfriend doesn’t like to be touched. “We’ll make it quick.”

“O-ok.” Ryan doesn’t really mind the idea of hugging them all. He’s been doing quite a bit of hugging lately. It’s just...he doesn’t want multiple points of contact burns. 

Ryan moves quickly and joins the hug, feeling one of Jack’s arms coil around him first, then several others, and then he’s squeezed by them. He closes his eyes tightly, feeling them water a bit under his eyelids in reaction to the burn. But, he does enjoy the hug, he enjoys his friends. 

When they all release each other, they all exchange eye contact. 

“So...” Michael looks at all of them. “Guess we’ll see each other tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Griffon nods, looking at Geoff. “Are we departing?”

“I guess...” Ray looks at all of them. “It’s been fun, guys.”

“See ya.” Michael, Jack and Barbara head out together because they all live on Side B of town. 

Gavin, Ryan, Geoff, Griffon and Ray head out together because they live on side A. They all walk together until they reach Gavin and Ryan’s halfway point where the Team Love and Stuff separate, because Ryan wants to walk Gavin home. 

~*~

When they’re at the backdoor of the Free house, Gavin sighs contently. 

“Today was fun.” The younger says, pulling the photos from his pocket to look at them. “I really do want to keep these for a long time.”

“Me too.” Ryan looks at the photos in Gavin’s hand. “Everyone says they’re going to come to our house to seem them.”

“Yeah, guess we’re gonna have to get married, just to not disappoint them.” Gavin giggles.

“But, we’re not dating.” Ryan shrugs.

“Huh? What?”

“We’re not dating.” The older repeats. 

“What the hell? Yes, we are.” Gavin folds his arms. “I’m your _boyfriend_.”

“But, people who are dating go on dates.” Ryan states. “We don’t go on dates.”

“That doesn’t mean we’re not-”

“Gavin, will you go on a date with me?” Ryan tilts his head to the side, blue eyes focused on the Brit. 

Gavin blinks a few times, lips parted in surprise.

“Oh.” Is all the younger says. 

Ryan’s face falters into a smile. “So, yes?”

“Yes, of course...oh my god!” Gavin squeaks. “You mean...like a _real_ date?”

“Well, yes.”

“Of course, yes!” Gavin’s voice is still very squeaky. “I feel so horrible! I’ve pictured us going on a date, but I never actually thought that...well, _you’d_ be the one asking me! Because, you know. You’re _Ryan_.”

“Wow,” Ryan says dryly. “Thanks.”

“No! You know what I mean...I’m sorry.”

“I’m not offended.”

“Still, sorry. That came out quite rude.”

“It’s fine.” Ryan gives a small smile. “As long as your agreeance to go on a date with me hasn’t changed...?”

“I still say yes to the date, Ry.”

“Good.”

“So, what are we doing for our date?” Gavin asks curiously. “Should I wear something fancy? Where are we going? What are we doing?”

Ryan hadn’t thought that far. He just knew that couples went on dates. He’d seen people go on dates in the movies. They usually just went to dinner...or something. The dates always showed the two people eating together. Gavin and Ryan could eat anywhere...

“You’ll see, I’ll tell you soon.” Ryan replies quickly before Gavin has time to ask more questions. “I don’t want to do something cliche.”

“Agreed, let’s do something different.” Gavin thinks. “Like...hm...”

“Hey, you plan the next date. I’m going to plan the first one.”

“Well, alright...I’m so excited!” Gavin squeaks, Ryan feels warm, prideful to have made Gavin so happy.

“I am too.” Ryan really was looking forward to...whatever they were going to end up doing. 

“I’ll miss you.” Gavin looks down, suddenly feeling very lonely already.

“You too.” Ryan leans forward, cupping Gavin’s face in one hand. “Don’t be sad, I’ll see you soon.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being away so long, everyone. 
> 
> I wasn't feeling 100% (emotionally/mentally) and it was hard to put myself into anything. School, or work. And, as I've mentioned to many of you before, this work is *really* personal to me. I put so much of myself into the story, and the characters. And, when I tried to write this fic when I was like that, it came out very un-genuine and it felt/sounded forced. So, I took a tiny hiatus so I could give you all my best. 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter!  
> Again, sorry for being away for so long. I hope you all understand.  
> And, I'm not whining for sympathy or attention, I hope you all know that.  
> It's just...dunno, feel like I can be/should be honest with you all. 
> 
> Ok, you've literally just listened to me for 27K+ words, I'll leave you be until next time ;)


	22. Pretty Grades, Ways with Words

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The ringing was the worst part. The call rang three times before it was picked up, by a woman this time. She said hello, then the name of the hospital. 
> 
> “How may I help you, today?” She asked, and Ryan didn’t say anything. “Hello?”
> 
> “H-hi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, hello!!
> 
> Chapter 22, I can't believe it. I remember just starting this journey and now BAM, we're at 22!! 
> 
> Anyway, thank you for all the supportive comments and messages, they really helped more than any of you could possibly know. Also, thanks for asking how this chapter was coming along while it was 'still in production'. I finished it a while ago, but my poor betas were ill and I didn't want to rush them to finish the beta-ing. So, thanks for all of your patience! (I almost said thanks for the 'punishment'? English, please.)
> 
> Becky, thanks for saving my life again by beta-ing! I'm glad you're feeling better!  
> Elizabeth, feel better m'dear, I'm so sorry that you're still not feeling well.
> 
> So, I'm done yabbering. Go ahead a read m'dears. I'm excited for the next chapters after! Ryan's therapist appointment, dinner with Mimi/David and the boys, Gav/Ry's date...and other stuff!! 
> 
> And as Always,  
> Thanks for reading!  
> ~ThatMavin
> 
> PS: this chapter is 15K+, and the story just broke 200K with this update...!! I can't believe you all are reading this thing...it's so huge!! <3 Thanks for sticking with it! It's incredible!

_“You’re late.” Allison says as she takes the box from the man’s arms. He responds by flicking his chin up at her. She just rolls her eyes and brings the gift to go sit amongst the other ones on the table. There weren’t many, no one could really afford them. Mimi and Papa had brought the most._

_“I’m here, so that should be enough.” The man says to Allison as he shrugs off a worn brown-leather jacket. “Where’s the kid?”_

_“In there.” Allison points to the living room, the man follows the pointed finger with his eyes. They land on Ryan, who’s already looking up at the stranger. The two lock eyes, as the man approaches. Ryan is five, though, because of his dislike for speaking and his both hatred and need to be held, he seems much smaller. Especially the way he seems to almost curl in on himself when the man approaches him._

_Ryan’s large blue eyes widen when he realizes that the stranger intends to come closer than the five foot distance he’d rather keep between them. Mimi was sitting in the arm chair not too far away, she was watching the man and Ryan; she didn’t trust the man. Not with Ryan._

_When the man was about two feet in front of the boy, who was sitting on the floor, the man stooped down. He had honey colored hair, like Ryan’s. Blue eyes too. His face was scruffy and he was smiling, but Ryan didn’t fall for the happy expression._

_“Heard it was your birthday today.” The man says, Ryan only blinks at him. “How old are you, now?” The stranger knew how old Ryan was, but he was trying to coax the boy into talking. “Do you know who I am?”_

_Finally, given a ‘yes or no’ question, Ryan shakes his head._

_“My name is Ben.” The man informs the boy. “Can you say ‘hello’?”_

_Another ‘yes or no’ question, again, Ryan shakes his head._

_“That’s fair, I didn’t say ‘hello’ to you, did I?” Ben raises a brow._

_Ryan shakes his head._

_“Hello, James.” The man gives another smile. Ryan still doesn’t fall for it. The boy turns his head to Mimi, slight look of fear in his eyes. The child gives a soft distressed noise, and reaches his arms up to Mimi. He is asking to be picked up. He only asks this of Mimi, sometimes his mother, in ‘emergency’ situations. Which, are incredibly rare._

_Mimi raises from the arm chair, holding her arms open to the boy. Ryan pushes himself up onto his feet and keeps his arms held up to his grandmother. When Mimi finally reaches him, she scoops him up with little effort, holding him on her hip. The contact was a bit unpleasant, but it was better than being close to that scruffy stranger._

_Ben stands up, running a hand over his hair a bit shyly as he stands. Mimi would’ve almost preferred it if Ben had stayed stooped down as he addressed her. To put it lightly, Mimi wasn’t a huge fan of Benjamin._

_“Hello, Ms. Amelia.” The man speaks, extending a hand. “It’s been a while.”_

_“Of course it has, I’d been attempting to keep it that way.” Mimi’s tone isn’t as venomous as her words are. “Where were you all the other birthdays?”_

_“I sent things, I showed up...sometimes.” Ben responds. “The kid was asleep usually, by the time I got there.”_

_“Maybe you should show up to a child’s birthday before_ _10PM_ _then,” Mimi snorts. “Children do go to bed early. And, usually the parties are held around_ _noon_ _. Maybe you could try being less than ten hours late.”_

_Ben doesn’t have a response, and his blue eyes trail from Mimi to Ryan. The little boy holds on tighter to Mimi’s sweater._

_“James...” Benjamin takes on a softer voice. “Do you really not know who I am?”_

_Ryan shakes his head._

_“I’m your dad, kiddo.” The scruffy man reaches out his hand and ruffles Ryan’s hair. That touch burns and Ryan’s eyes well up. “Aw, don’t cry...I thought you’d be happy to see me?”_

_“He doesn’t know who you are.” Mimi begins swaying her body, calming Ryan. “Why would James be happy to see you?”_

_“Because...he’d finally get to meet his dad.”_

_“He’d be happier if he already knew you.”_

_“Well, it’s not too late to get to start.” Ben frowns. “Let me hold him.”_

_“He doesn’t like to be touched.”_

_“What?” Ben frowns. “That’s not true.”_

_“How would you know?”_

_“When he was a baby, I used to tickle him and hold him all the time.” Ben recalls. “Why would that be different now?”_

_“It’s just how he is.”_

_“Fine...then...maybe I could just hang out with him for a bit?”_

_Mimi sighs, as ever, she was frustrated with Ben. However, he **was**_ _trying this time. Unlike all of the other times. Maybe it’s because Ben knows that Ryan is old enough to remember now. So, he’s trying to make this time count._

_“James...” Mimi looks at her grandson. “This is your father, Benjamin. Would it be alright if he spent some time with you?”_

_The little boy immediately shakes his head, presses his face into Mimi’s chest._

_“Stay with you, please?” Ryan whimpers. “Stay.”_

_“Would you like it if Ben spent time with the two of us?” The woman offers. “We could stay together that way.”_

_Ryan thinks about it, and he peeks away from Mimi’s body to look at his father. He’s seen fathers in movies. They’re the ones who like to roughhouse, and fix things. Ryan didn’t really want to play with his father, he didn’t want to be touched. But...maybe they could do something else together. Ryan has seen fathers build things with their kids. In a lego commercial, a dad built a dragon out of the little blocks._

_But, Ryan’s family couldn’t afford the name brand legos. Still, he had other sorts of blocks. They were large, but fit together in the way that legos did._

_“Would you like me to stay with you while you spent time with Ben?” Mimi asks again when she can sense that the boy’s done thinking about it._

_Ben and Mimi are both surprised when Ryan finally nods. Though, he doesn’t allow Mimi to put him down. He whispers to her that he wants to be taken to his room. Mimi obliges, telling Benjamin to follow along. Allison sees the three of them heading towards Ryan’s room together. She is a bit curious as to what’s going on, but she doesn’t intervene. Ben and Allie needed to stay apart usually, for several reasons. So, she kept the distance between them._

_The house was small, but it felt bigger inside than it might’ve looked from the outside. The living room, and dining room were connected in a nice open floor plan. The kitchen was tucked away towards the back of the house. Through the kitchen were the glass sliding doors that went to the backyard. The yard was both connected_   _by and divided down the middle by a clothesline, where Ryan would visit with the sheet ghosts._

_There was a fence surrounding the backyard. On the other side of the fence was a large, open green field of grass. At the fields end, far away, Ryan could see highways or freeways. They were so far, that Ryan couldn’t ever hear the traffic from the yard...and often he forgot they were there, except when he would stand at the sliding glass doors at night, and see headlights moving like quick fireflies along the fast paced roads._

_Ryan’s room was towards the back of the house, closest to the bathroom. Allison’s room was more towards the front of the house. Out of the two rooms, Ryan’s was smallest, he didn’t really need much space anyway._

_His room consisted of a twin sized bed, with a blue and red headboard. A dresser, wooden. And a desk, also wooden. There was a toy chest in the corner, that’s where Mimi put him down._

_Mimi and Ben watched as Ryan opened the red and blue toy chest, the lid creaking as he did so. He pulled out a tub of blocks that sat at the very bottom of the chest. Ryan sat with the tub of blocks for a while, the tub resting on his legs. He wasn’t sure what to do next, and he was still very cautious of this stranger, very curious as well._

_None of them said anything, Mimi wasn’t sure what to say, but she was very proud of Ryan even attempting to spend time with his ever absent father. Ben didn’t know anything about Ryan really, though he was aware that Ryan wasn’t like other children. Ryan, even at this point, wasn’t good at talking to people. He had less trouble actually making himself do so, he just genuinely didn’t want to._

_As all of them sat in silence, Ryan dumped the tub of block onto the floor and began building. Wordlessly, the adults followed suit._

~*~

_Ryan had a fine time playing with his father and Mimi, until it was time for them to have lunch. Allison came into Ryan’s bedroom, and announced that the meal was ready. Ben responded with ‘Can you not see that we’re bonding? He isn’t gonna starve, let us finish this.’ and...that was the start of the fighting. Allison started yelling at Benjamin, then Ben started yelling back. They shouted and shouted until Mimi tried to break them up. The entire time, Ryan sat with his hands over his ears, eyes closed tightly. His tiny body trembled as the noise just kept getting louder._

_Eventually, Allison gave up and stormed off, Mimi after her. Ben turned and saw his young son curled into a ball, hands over his ears._

_“Jesus, kid.” Ben groaned. “I’m sorry, it’s your birthday.” He crossed the room and picked up the quivering boy. Ryan began to cry softly as the contact burned him. “Shhh,” Benjamin began rocking his son, letting the boy’s head rest on his shoulder. Ryan didn’t like this, he didn’t like being touched. He stayed limp, but he was grateful to be held, because the yelling had stopped. He cried now because he was scared, because of the yelling. And, because the places where he could feel the man’s body heat all burned. “How about we get you a treat?”_

_Ryan wiped his nose on his father’s shirt, Ben didn’t notice. The boy hadn’t done it to be mean, he just really didn’t think about it at all. If Ben had noticed, be probably wouldn’t have gotten upset. Probably would’ve laughed and rolled his eyes._

_Ben carried Ryan to the kitchen, which was currently vacant. The actual meal had been carried out to the dining room table already. All that was left in here, were the desserts. There was a key lime pie, a birthday cake that Ryan wasn’t supposed to have seen yet. It had race cars on it, and Ryan’s name was the race track. J-A-M-E-S, the cake read, with turning cursive letters with yellow lines down the center to make it look like a a race track. Ryan was curious about it, he just wanted to take the cars off and play with them._

_“Ha, that’s funny.” Ben comments as he sits a still sniffling Ryan on the kitchen counter. “Wanna know a secret?”_

_Ryan blinks his blue eyes at Ben for a while before nodding to the yes or no question._

_“For your birthday, I bought you a remote control race car.” Ben announces._

_Ryan’s eyes widen. He’d never had such a fancy toy before. He’d seen them in movies, in commercials and things. Ryan couldn’t imagine having his very own. So far, having a dad seemed nice. While they were building with the blocks, Ben kept using Ryan’s toy soldiers to storm in and destroy the block towers. Ryan wasn’t sure what to think of it, it seemed silly to spend such time building the structure, then immediately knock it down. But, his father seemed to like it. So, Ryan joined in. He helped his father build up towers, grimaced and flinched away when their hands touched when they reached for the same block, or when Ben handed one to him. When the tower was built, Ryan helped him destroy it. His father made sound effects with his mouth, Ryan didn’t. Though, he did accidentally giggle when Ben got really into it, even Mimi had to chuckle at how childlike the man was being._

_“Hey,” Ben bumps the back of his hand against Ryan’s knee. The boy looked up at him from his seat on the counter top. He didn’t say anything, just waited for Benjamin to keep talking. “After we sing happy birthday, and you open up all of the other gifts,” He grins. “We can go out there, and I can teach you how to use the remote controlled car. We drive it up and down the sidewalk.”_

_If playing with the car would be as fun as playing with the blocks was, with Ben, then Ryan was looking forward to it. The little boy even began going over words in his head that he wouldn’t mind saying to his dad. He wasn’t quite ready to say them yet, but he thinks might be after lunch. He was pretty hungry._

_“Until then,” Ben goes over to a bowl that’s covered with plastic wrap. He reaches in and picks something up. He carries it back over to Ryan and offers him a smile that looks much like Ryan’s own dimpled grin. The boy takes the item from Ben, and he holds it in his own small hands. He turns it over a few times, and smells it. He’s never had one of these before. “What’s wrong?” Ben thinks Ryan is doing this because he doesn’t like it. “You don’t want it?” The man asks, reaching a hand forward to take it._

_Ryan makes a soft noise and draws the item closer to his chest. He shakes his head. “No.” Ryan says something to his father finally. Ben raises his eyebrows when Ryan speaks, as simple as the word was, it was a start._

_“No?” Ben repeats Ryan’s word. “So, you like chocolate chip cookies, then?”_

_Ryan only shrugs, then takes the cookie away from his chest, continuing to examine it._

_“Have you ever had one?” Ben asks, watching Ryan running the pads of his fingers over the cookie’s surface, the boy becoming surprised when the chocolate smears on his fingertips. Ryan’s had chocolate before, he likes it. He’s never had it in a cookie though. He’s seen chocolate chip cookies in movies, and TV shows. In commercials, the people break apart the cookies and the chocolate looks so melty and pretty. He’s always wanted to try a chocolate chip cookie. He’s just never had the opportunity. His mother must’ve gotten some from a bakery, or maybe someone brought them. Ryan knows that his mom hadn’t baked them herself._

_“Thank you.” Ryan says, looking up shyly at his father, the man smiles, reaching down to ruffle his son’s hair._

_“Sure.” Ben replies. His hand in Ryan’s hair burns the boy and Ryan doesn’t hesitate to push the hand away. Ben isn’t offended by being pushed away, he’s amused if anything._

_With Benjamin’s hand finally out of his hair, Ryan allows himself to try the treat. He was prepared to be disappointed, because he’d learned a while ago, things on the TV don’t actually taste that great in person. Like fruity scented lotions and perfumes. Those, Ryan came to find out, don’t taste very good at all._

_Hesitantly, Ryan took a small bite of his cookie. The chocolate melted immediately in his mouth, the cookie part was chewy and amazing. Eating the cookie was like taking a bite out of happiness. The feeling he got when he ate it was like being given a big hug from someone like Mimi, the only person that Ryan really didn’t mind to hug. His mother’s touches and hugs didn’t burn, but Ryan still didn’t like them as much as Mimi’s, even though his grandmother’s tended to burn a bit._

_The look on Ryan’s face let Ben know that the boy was enjoying it. That’s all that Ben really cared about for the moment. Ryan being happy on his birthday._

_“You like it, James?” Ben asks. Ryan nods, cheeks puffed up as he chews. “Good.”_

_However, that moment of bliss with his first chocolate chip cookie was cut short by Allison walking into the kitchen, seeing Ryan with chocolate on his small fingers, on his mouth. She rolls her eyes, immediately throwing daggers at Ben._

_“He hasn’t had lunch, Ben.” Allison frowns. “You couldn’t wait to spoil him for a half hour?”_

_“What?” Ben’s brow furrows. “I let him have a cookie, Al.”_

_“You just want to be his superhero.” Allison shakes her head. “He doesn’t need that.”_

_“I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”_

_“Every time you show up from now on, you’re just going to spoil him and make him promises that you won’t keep.” She points at him. “Give him fancy new toys and-”_

_“You’re perfectly capable of taking care of James, I never said you weren’t.” Ben folds his arms. “He has everything he needs, you’re doing a great job.”_

_“Oh my god, Ben! I never said anything about not being able to provide for my son!” Allison raises her voice. “I’m just saying more than once a year would be nice!”_

_“I pay child support!”_

_“He needs more than that!”_

_“I don’t know what you want from me,” Ben shakes his head. “I really don’t.”_

_“Of course you don’t!”_

_“Look, coming around here is bad enough.” He hisses. “_ She _doesn’t like it when I come here!”_

_“Screw her!” Allison chuckles ruefully. “You honestly think I care?”_

_“You should.”_

_“I’m through being jealous, Ben.” Allie sighs. “Just once a month would be nice. You have a family here, too.”_

_“Family?” Benjamin throws up his hands. “We’re not a family! Not anymore. Is this how you treat family? You and your mother giving me shit all day and-”_

_“Don’t bring my mother into this!”_

_“You should’ve seen the way she looked at me when I came over to say hi to James!”_

_“Because, she’s so used to -- **we**_ _are so used to you letting us down!” Allison shouts back. “We don’t want to get our hopes up anymore, and we don’t want you to let down James. We really don’t.”_

 _“I am **trying**_ **.”**

_“It’s not enough, Ben.”_

_“Fuck this.” He hisses, before his eyes fall on Ryan. The boy is holding his cookie so hard that the poor cookie is nearly about to fall apart in his small hands. There’s been too much arguing, too much tension for him today. He really just wants to finish his cookie, and to play with his new car with Ben now, please._

_“What do you mean ‘fuck this’?” Allison asks, but then she gets it. “Oh...” She is wearing a bitter smirk now. “Oh, I see.”_

_“Don’t.” Ben points a finger at her._

_“Going home so soon?” Allison folds her arms. “Why am I not surprised? The second I put my foot down in **my**_ _house, you run.”_

_Ben shakes his head at her, before turning to Ryan._

_“Happy Birthday, James.” Ben says as he leans forward to press one burning kiss to Ryan’s forehead. That was the first and last time Ryan remembers his father kissing him, or anything close._

_Ryan is stunned. **He’s leaving?** He thinks, almost in a panic. He wants to say something, to cry out, to ask --  **beg**_ _him not to. Things were just getting good. **Ben -- Dad -- Daddy, we played together! We built things and we broke things together! You gave me a chocolate chip cookie and it was the best thing I’ve ever experienced in all of my short five years of life! You were going to help me learn to play with my new car. I love it already, Daddy. I’ll take care of it! I won’t break it! It won’t even get scratched. I want to know you. I want to have you be my dad, like in the movies! Teach me how to fish! That’s what they do in the movies, right? Dad? ...Dad?**_

_“Dad?” Ryan says as Ben leaves the kitchen, but Benjamin doesn’t hear him. Allison does though. She turns to look at her son, a sympathetic look on her  face._

_“Sweetheart,” She says as she moves to pick Ryan up. Contact with her doesn’t burn, not very badly. It’s more like when you drag your feet along the carpet then touch someone, or something metal. It’s a spark of pain, but it quickly subsides into nothing. “Daddy is -- Ben, is going home now.”_

**_No, he....we were going to...we just..._ ** _Ryan can’t say anything. But he has so much to say. He feels like crying, but it won’t come out._

_“Let’s go have lunch,” She takes the cookie from his hand, setting it on the counter. “You can have that back after you eat.”_

_With the last good thing about today taken from him and set out of reach, Ryan went defeated and limp in his mother’s arms. He robotically eats his lunch, out of the corner of his eye though, he’s watching the man outside the window. Ben, he...he hasn’t left. Even though Allison said he would._

_Ben is standing in the driveway, smoking a cigarette. He stands, smokes, paces, runs a hand through his honey colored hair. He finishes the cigarette, stomps it out on the driveway, then starts another. This carries on for quite some time._

**_He’s staying to play with my car, with me!_ ** _Ryan thinks hopefully, shoveling the rest of his lunch down so he can go play with Ben -- with his dad. When his food is done, he crawls out of his seat, making it three feet before Allie has scooped him back up and placed him back into his seat, to which Ryan whines his protest._

_“We have to sing Happy Birthday to you, silly.” Allison wipes Ryan’s chin with a napkin. Ryan is still whining as this happens. He looks out the window to see Ben pulling out his cellphone. He flips the device open, extending the mobile phone’s antenna before bringing it to his ear. Ryan watches the man talking and smoking while his race car cake is placed in front of him. The candle in the shape of the number five is lit, and people are singing now. Ryan looks away from the window to look at the singing faces. They didn’t make him want to smile, they didn’t make his birthday feel better. The only thing that had made him better was-_

_Amongst the singing, the merry laughter, was the sound of a car starting up. Ryan had only looked away for a moment. But, by the time he looked back, Ben was already getting into his car, cellphone held to his ear. ‘Happy Birthday, dear James!’ rang out as the car revved to life, and took off. And...that was it, that was the last time Ryan saw his father._

_The rest of his birthday was dull after that. He opened up presents that didn’t mean much. He ate cake and ice cream that he was no longer in the mood for. He opened up the remote control car, Mimi put the batteries in there for him. He played with it inside, instead of up and down the sidewalk. He drove it into the walls because he was bad at controlling it. He ignored the toy after that, and he listened from under the dining room table as Mimi and his mother talked about Ben. Ryan heard more things than he wanted to, they probably thought that the boy was in his bedroom._

_When Ryan felt brave enough, he went into the kitchen and got up onto his toes to reach the cookie that had been placed on the counter. He went back under the dining room table to eat it. He felt safe with the sweet in his mouth. He felt calm, content. There was something about eating something so simply perfect, that made him feel like he didn’t have any worries or troubles. Even though Ryan wanted to feel upset for Ben leaving so abruptly on his birthday, Ryan felt happy as he thought of his father._

_For the split second that he had a dad, Ryan...had liked it._

_It felt nice._

_Yeah, it was really nice._

_____________________________

Ryan’s eyes open at the sound of his cellphone ringing. The ringtone seeming twice as horrible against the fuzziness of his disorientation. His disorientation after dreaming is much worse than his normal morning fogginess, so Ryan is really in no mood to answer the call. However, he never gets calls in the morning, so this might be important. He gets up as steadily as he could. He makes his way to his desk to see that Gavin is the one calling him this time. Ryan answers it without hesitation. 

“Are you ok?” Ryan asks, he can hear Gavin yawning on his end. 

“Morning, Ry.” Gavin chirps sleepily. “Did I wake you?”

“Yes.”

“Oh,” Gavin feels bad, knowing Ryan must be very disoriented still. “I’m sorry. Do you need a minute?”

“It’s ok.” Ryan replies. “Do you have a safe that needs to be delivered to the school as well?”

“Huh?” Gavin says, then laughs when he gets what Ryan meant. “Shut up.”

Ryan is wearing the tiniest of smiles now. His brain still feels foggy and he  _has_  to get off of his feet, so he brings the phone back over to his bed and he collapses onto it. 

“Why are you calling, Gav?”

“My dad just woke me up, before he left for work.”

“And...?”

“He reminded me about the dinner he wants to have with me, you, and Mimi.” Gavin yawns again. “So, I was calling to remind you to ask her if she’d mind having dinner with us to discuss Georgia.”

“Right, right.” Ryan rubs his eyes. “Yeah, I’ll ask her during breakfast.”

“Good, love.” Gavin nods. “Well, that’s all.”

“Ok.”

“Yeah,” Gavin is quiet for a moment, listening to Ryan’s breath crinkling in his ear. “I’ll see you at our halfway point.”

“Alright, bye.”

“Bye.”

~*~

Mimi didn’t want to have breakfast in her room this morning, so she walked herself into the kitchen with a bit of help from her cane. She was feeling very calm this morning, and she sat silently as Ryan prepared their meal. The teen was making French toast because he’d become bored eggs and toast. Mimi hadn’t known that Ryan knew how to make French toast, and that was when he admitted to having watched a YouTube video about how to make it while he got dressed earlier. His grandmother is once again very impressed with this ‘internet’ world, because it seems to hold a great wealth of knowledge. Mimi and her husband had been planning on getting a computer for a long time, but they never got around to it. And, after he passed away, she  _really_  saw no use in it. But, she liked it when Ryan brought his laptop downstairs. Sometimes, while Mimi is watching the News or she’s doing a crossword puzzle, Ryan will have his laptop and be typing away. She likes to listen to the constant soft tapping of the keys, also the focused look on Ryan’s face. He really is very handsome, though, he could use a shave now. 

When Ryan brought over the finished French toast to Mimi, she thanks him and they began eating. Halfway through, Ryan spoke up. 

“Hey, Mimi?”

“Yes?”

“So,” Ryan sits up a bit taller. “I was talking to Gav this morning.”

“Alright?”

“He says that,” The boy pauses, words slightly stuck. “Um...his dad wants to have dinner with me, you and Gavin. To, um...talk about going to Georgia.”

“Oh?” Mimi asks, taking a sip from the tea cup. “Good, when are they coming over?”

“What?”

“When would they be coming here for dinner?” Mimi looks around the kitchen. “You might have to do your chores earlier if they plan on coming soon.”

“I...don’t think they were going to come  _here_.” He says. “I think David, Gav’s dad, wanted us to come over there.”

“No.” Mimi shakes her head. “Not to talk about this.”

“Huh?”

“To talk about Georgia, they will come  _here_.” Mimi is saying this firmly, Ryan doesn’t understand why though. “For any other reason, going there would be alright. For this however, they come here.”

Ryan blinks at his grandmother for a moment, his tongue passing over his bottom lip. 

“Why, though?” Ryan asks.

“Why what?”

“You seem...” He shrugs. “Pretty...hell-bent on the matter.”

“I’m assuming that, 'David' was it?”

“Yeah.”

“I am assuming that David is going to be wanting details about your mother.” She begins. “And, it’s not really my place to tell her business, but I can’t just give Gavin’s father zero answers to his  _reasonable_  questions.”

“I mean...yeah,” Ryan nods. “But, why does it matter that we talk about it here?”

“Ryan,” Mimi smiles almost sympathetically at him. “I’m a tiny little old lady.”

“I know.”

“And, because of that, sometimes people don’t take me seriously,” She explains. “Sometimes they think I don’t know what I’m talking about.”

“But, you do know what you’re talking about, Mimi.”

“Yes, Ryan, I do.” Mimi nods. “Some people don’t think that.”

“I still...don’t get what that has to do with having the conversation here.” He admits. 

“If I were to go to his home, and the conversation not go well...” Mimi sighs. “It would be  _his_  home, and I would have to hang my head and walk out with my tail between my legs.” She holds her hand up. “But, in my house, should David have half the manners that Gavin does, he won’t disrespect me. And, if anything upsets him,  _he_  can walk out.” Mimi raises a brow. “Do you understand?”

“Umm...I think so.”

“People used to come here a lot, when they first began the plans to turn all of the farms into residential areas.” Mimi recalls. “And, your grandfather and I would be a team, and tell those people to go chew dirt, because we weren’t giving our land up, or this house.”

Ryan nods. 

“And, when he passed away, everyone thought that ‘oh, this woman is all by herself now, so we can take her down without a fight’.” Mimi frowns. “Because I was a  _woman_  and because I was  _alone_?” She shakes her head. “Why do people think women can’t hold this own? That they have to be protected to be strong? Protected by a  _man_  to be strong?”

“People  _still_  think that?”

“Unfortunately,” Mimi rolls her eyes. “What I’m trying to say, Ryan, is that...I want to be in  _my_  house, on  _my_  land, when we have this talk. Because, if David tries to say anything bad about my daughter, or about you...then I want to be where I feel the strongest, so I can tell him how wrong he is and to go back where he came from.” She scoffs. “Because, I may be the tiniest old woman in the town, and you might be the quietest, most gentle young man this town has  _ever seen_...” Mimi pauses. “But, we are  _not_  going to be walked all over because of that.” She says. “Because, we are better than that, and stronger and smarter. Got it, kid?”

Ryan’s blue eyes are wide, his grandmother just gave a badass speech, and she doesn’t even have a mic to drop. He’s nodding before he is even aware that he’s doing so. He understands now why Mimi wants them to come to dinner at the farm house. Ryan hopes that he can explain it to Gavin as well as it was explained to him. 

The rest of their breakfast is filled with conversations about how school was going. Ryan told Mimi about how, today at Advisory, they would be handing out the progress reports, to show where the students were grade-wise before the semester begins coming to an end. Mimi asks if Ryan thinks he has good or bad grades, Ryan says good, because he knows that he hasn’t missed any assignments or failed any tests. His best grade was English, after that...it was probably history or math. Last was science for use. Foreign language, eh. Ryan did well, but he wasn’t retaining any of the language, that’s for sure. His elective was Personal Finances...that was boring, and it made Ryan worried about his future. Being an adult seemed hard. He would technically be an adult by the first week of December, so a month away pretty much.  _For fuck’s sake_. 

“Oh!” Mimi exclaims, drawing Ryan from his thoughts. “Your therapist appointment is on Friday, did I already tell you that?”

“Ugh,” Ryan rolls his eyes. “No. I mean I knew it was this week, but...I honestly haven’t been thinking of it.”

“Well, just remember that you don’t have to go to school on Friday, before or after the appointment, which is at 11AM.” 

Ryan sighs and slumps in his seat. “Ok.”

“Just, think of it like it’s a three day weekend.”

“Yeah...”

“If it makes you feel better, you’ve got a different therapist.’

He freezes. “What?”

“It’s going to be another therapist this time.” Mimi says. “I don’t know if she’s going to be permanent, probably not...unless you would like that. Maybe we could work on keeping her instead of Ms. Reese.”

“Why isn’t Ms. Reese coming this time?” He sits up a bit. 

“I forget...either she’s married or someone died.”

Ryan snorts. “Those are completely different things.”

“I know, I know!” Mimi chuckles. “It’s awful, but I just remember it being either really good or really bad.”

Ryan is laughing even harder by now. 

“Oh, stop it you.” Mimi scolds playfully. “Either way, I should send her a fruit basket.”

“No, don’t.” Ryan shakes his head, still laughing. “What would you do that for?”

“So she...would...have fruit?”

“What would you even say in the card ‘Hope you enjoy this fruit, on this happy and or devastating occasion’?”

“No! I would just write ‘love from Amelia and Ryan’ on the card.” Mimi says, Ryan laughs more. 

“But... _Mimi_ , why write ‘love’?” Ryan asks. “We don’t love her.”

“Yeah, not...like  _love_  love.” Mimi shrugs, wiping tears of laughter from her eyes. “I mean like, mutual respect love.”

“ _Mutual respect love_.” Ryan repeats, holding his sides, laughing still. 

“Don’t you have to go to school or something?” Mimi folds her arms.

“I’m waiting for-” As if on cue, the back door to the farm house opened and Paul, along with three other farmworkers, enter the house. 

“Morning, Ms. Amy.” Paul greets her with a smile on his face. “Good morning, James.”

“Hi.” Ryan says, an auto response. He ignores the fact that Paul forgot to use his preferred name. Paul beams though, when Ryan talks to him without hesitation. And, it makes Ryan feel a bit embarrassed...but in a good way? Whatever, Ryan is just gonna go to school now. “See you later, Mimi.”

“Bye, dear.” She says as she finds herself in a tight hug from her grandson. Ryan picks up his backpack and light jacket, then heads out of kitchen, through the living room and out of the front door. 

_____________________________

Ryan and Gavin hug when they meet up at the halfway point. Gavin taps their fingertips together as they start walking towards the school. Ryan is telling Gavin all that Mimi said, and the Brit is listening, nodding at the appropriate times, laughing when he hears Ryan say ‘mic drop’. 

“Well,” Gavin swings their held hands. “It sounds like a good enough reason to me. Though, I don’t think my dad would disrespect Mimi anyway...or put her down or anything. But, I’ll tell him that Mimi has agreed to the dinner. I don’t think he’d mind having the Georgia talk at the farm house.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, I think he’d like to see the farm...oh, Ry!”

“What?”

“We should give my dad a tour of the farm!” Gavin exclaims. “I think he really wants to see it, too!”

Ryan nods, thinking about it.  _Could I even give the tour to David? Would I be too nervous, would the words get stuck?_

“You could do it.” Gavin reads the look on Ryan’s face. “Don’t doubt yourself, you are incredible and you’re improved so much. And, remember how my Dad was when you brought the pie over? He’s not scary, Ryan.”

“But...” Ryan wants to protest, but, maybe Gavin is right. Maybe he could do it. “Ok.”

“Yeah?” Gavin smiles. 

“Yeah.” Ryan nods. 

“That’s my Ry.”

“Oh...another thing.” Ryan’s voice switches to a hesitant one, it makes Gavin feel anxious.

“What is it?”

“I won’t be coming to school on Friday, most likely.”

Gavin runs those words over in his head again and again, before realizing that they mean. 

“Therapist?” The younger asks. 

“Yeah.”

“Ugh, that sucks so much.” Gavin frowns. “Want me to come visit you afterwards like last time?”

“I don’t want you to leave school for me...and, maybe this time won’t be as bad.”

Gavin makes a sound of disbelief. “Why would this time not be as bad?”

“Different therapist.”

“Is there a reason why that other horrible woman won’t be coming?”

“Mimi says either she got married, or someone died.”

Gavin snorts. “Well, alright.”

“Then Mimi says she wants to send her a fruit basket.”

At this, Gavin squeaks with laughter. “She wants to  _what_?”

“Send her fruit...like, but it has to be conditional fruit.” Ryan shrugs. “Like, it has to be fruit incase Ms. Reese is happy about her marriage, or sad because of her loss.”

“For goodness sake, Mimi.” Gavin chuckles. “Bloody ‘conditional fruit’.”

“If I was sad, and or incredibly happy, would you buy me fruit?”

“What? Hell no.” Gavin’s answers and quirks an eyebrow. “Why would I?”

“Because, apparently it’s how you show...that you’re either  _really_  sorry for them, or  _really_  happy for them.”

“Ry,” Gavin squeezes his boyfriend’s hand. “If any kind of basket, I’d send you a basket of Sweetie’s cookies.” He says. “Because, you’re different.”

Ryan feels strangely prideful in this moment, and he grins all the way to the school, he and Gavin’s hands swinging between them.

_____________________________

JJ knew that he was going to skip his first few classes. He really didn’t  _need_  to attend them. Wednesday was the middle of the week. Teachers don’t usually introduce  _new_  material in the middle of the week. The middle of the week was when teachers went back over the topics that they introduced at the beginning of the week. 

Instead of going to class, JJ had ventured outside, to where the athletes were doing laps around the field. They were off in the distance right now, so JJ just looked at the lined up gym bags, jackets and water bottles until he found which ones were Blaine’s. And, when he found them, he folded out Blaine’s jacket like a picnic blanket, and sat down on it. He watched Blaine jogging with the others, they were laughing, sweating. Being ‘Neanderthal jocks’, as JJ liked to call them. 

When the athletes finally made their way around the field, to where JJ was sitting, the raven haired boy waved to Blaine. The look on Blaine’s face was funny, he looked purely surprised that JJ was there, though, this wasn’t the first time that JJ had skipped class to see him. 

Blaine stopped running, and stood his ground, staring at JJ. 

“What the hell are you doing out here, dude?” Blaine rose his hands in disbelief. “Thought I told you to stop skipping.”

“I still skip classes sometimes, even if it’s not to see you.” JJ shrugs, Blaine shook his head and made his way over to JJ. 

“Go back to running, I was just waving to say hello.” JJ waves a hand.

“And I’m just coming over here to say hi as well.” When Blaine is close enough, he smirks and swipes JJ’s beanie off of his head. 

“What are you-” JJ stops mid sentence as he witnesses Blaine wiping the sweat from his face with the hat. The drama student’s face turned from shocked to pissed off. “Why the  _hell_  would you do that?”

“Because it was convenient.” Blaine is still wearing his smirk. He really didn’t have to use JJ’s hat as a sweat towel. But, he wanted to get under the other’s skin, and this was one of the ways he’s decided to today. 

“You are actually an animal.” JJ reaches up to snatch his hat back when Blaine extends it to him. “I don’t even know why I came out here to see you.”

“You must’ve missed me or something.” Blaine watches JJ bring the hat to his nose. “Wouldn’t do that if I were you, there are probably like, my pheromones in that.”

“What?” JJ’s eyebrows knit.

“Remember? You helped me study for my Human Bio class.” Blaine responds. “We learned about pheromones.”

“Oh...right,” JJ tries not to blush. “At least you remembered  _something_.”

“Yeah, you’re a good tutor.” Blaine takes the hat back from JJ. 

“Hey!”

Blaine brings the hat to his own nose. “Nah,” He sighs in faux disappointment. “You didn’t really get the full ‘Blaine’ smell, I should’ve put it under my pits.”

“Would you stop being gross?” JJ holds out his hand. “I’m glad the hat doesn’t stink. I’d have to beat you up.”

“I could take you.” Blaine declares. 

“Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mess you up at least a little.”

Blaine simply smiles fondly at JJ for a while. JJ tries to pretend not to notice the genuine smile on the athlete’s face. 

“Shouldn’t you go running with the other Neanderthals?” JJ shrugs his shoulders. 

“Do you want me to?”

“It’s...not even  _like that_.” JJ laughs. “You just should because-” He flinches when Blaine throws the beanie in his face. 

“Fine!” Blaine pretends to be upset. “I can tell when I’m not wanted!”

“I’ll see you in class.” JJ stands up from off of Blaine’s coat. “And, later in the News Room.”

“Oh...” Blaine frowns apologetically. “I’m sorry...”

“For...what?” JJ knits his eyebrows again. 

“I can’t come to the meeting after school.”

“Why...not?”

“I sent an email last night.” Blaine informs him. “We have a game.” He motions to the other members of his team who are still running. When he sees the disappointed look on JJ’s face. 

“You’re a prime member of the crew,” JJ isn’t looking at Blaine anymore. “Twenty-four hour notice would’ve been nice.”

“This is an ‘optional’ meeting day.” Blaine frowns defensively. “And, since when do we have to give a whole day’s notice?” He asks. “And, you’re the fucking ‘leader’ of the crew and you’ve missed meetings without a notice at all.  _Or_  a courtesy email.”

“I was just looking forward to...” JJ stops himself. “To...all of us being there for Ryan’s first game/movie night. But, whatever.”

“I’m gonna miss you too man,” Blaine reaches over to pet JJ’s shoulder. “Also, tell Ryan I’m sorry that I’ll be missing his first game/movie night. But...I should see him in our class later today, so...I’ll tell him there if I can. Either way, tell him sorry at the actual ‘meeting’ later. Um...alright, bye.” Blaine picks up his water bottle by JJ’s feet before jogging off to finish his laps. 

“Yeah, bye.” JJ says, watching Blaine leave before walking back towards the school building. It really shouldn’t matter that Blaine isn’t coming to the meeting. Still, the idea of Blaine not being there sucks. It’s not like he won’t see him at lunch. 

 _Calm down, me. Chill the fuck out._ JJ scolds himself mentally as he re-enters school. 

_____________________________

During advisory, Ryan received his grades from Gus, and they were as he thought they would be. All good grades, his lowest being a C, which would be raise to at least a B by the actual end of the semester, after he turns in his project and takes the final exam. Gus dismissed Ryan after the student met with him, so Ryan left the room and wandered into the halls. With his new found tiny bit of free time, he ventured Burnie’s classroom, to see if Gavin was still in advisory or not. 

When Ryan arrived at Burnie’s door, Ryan stood in the doorway, scanning his eyes over the students until his eyes landed on a certain head of frayed blonde hair. Gavin was sitting at a desk towards the front of the room, he was eyeing his progress report with his brow furrowed. 

Ryan didn’t hesitate to cross the room, and stand in front of Gavin’s desk. The Brit jumped as the shadow casted over his paper, he looked up happy to see his boyfriend. 

“Hey, Ry.” Gavin greets him. “What are you doing here?”

“Missed you.” Ryan responds, glancing at Burnie who was meeting with another student, who looked near tears. Burnie was speaking pretty quietly to the student, so the rest of the advisory wouldn’t hear him. But, Ryan could make out the world ‘fail’ a couple of times, so the student probably looked like they might cry because their grades were poor. Ryan felt bad for them. 

“We can leave here, if you want.” Gavin hands his grades up to Ryan. “I’ve been dismissed, so-”

“Whoa, Gav.” Ryan comments as he looks over the grades. “Yours are better than mine.”

“Really?” Gavin is honestly shocked. “Let me see yours.”

“Ok.” Ryan reaches into his pocket, where he’s placed the folded up progress report. He hands the folded paper to Gavin as the Brit rises out of his seat. The two boys leave Burnie’s classroom, eyeing each other’s progress reports. 

The main difference between progress reports and end of semester grades, was that the progress reports contained comments from the teachers. Ryan read what the teachers were saying about Gavin. 

“‘A joy to have in class, very intelligent, works well with others.’” Ryan reads aloud one of the teacher’s comments about Gavin. “Your teacher comments are better than mine too.”

“What?” Gavin says as they enter the hall. He’s looking at the comments Ryan has received. “You don’t have any bad ones.”

“They say that I’m antisocial, they sure as hell haven’t said that I’m a ‘joy to have in class’.”

“First of all,” Gavin hits Ryan lightly on the head with the older student’s progress report. “No one said that you were antisocial.”

“They say that I don’t participate in class, and that I don’t interact with the other students very well.” Ryan informs him. “So, that’s basically saying that I’m antisocial.”

“No, Ryan.” Gavin looks at the paper again. “This teacher says that you’re ‘showing improvement in class involvement, as well as contributing more and more to class discussions’.”

“Yeah, but-”

“Also, Ry!” Gavin exclaims. “Burnie did say that you were a joy to have in class!”

“No, he didn’t.” Ryan shakes his head. “Burnie said that-”

“He said, and I bloody  _quote_ : ‘I have never in all of my years of teaching, seen a student come into my class and absolutely blossom like Ryan Haywood. From the moment he turned in his first assignment, he’s done nothing short of impress me. But, once he began to come out of his shell, I became completely blown away with how much potential he contains. I am looking forward to seeing what else this student has to offer. Good job, Ryan.’” Gavin eyes Ryan, waiting for the tawny haired boy to respond. All Ryan does is stick his nose in the air. 

“He didn’t say ‘is a joy to have in the classroom’..., so-”

“Oh, shut the hell up!” Gavin runs to stand in front of Ryan, stopping the older male in his tracks. They’re less than a foot apart now. “I’m so proud of you, Ry!”

“Why?” Ryan frowns in confusion. “My grades aren’t the best.”

“I don’t care!” Gavin rolls his eyes. “A progress report is showing how much  _progress_ you’ve made, and you have made so,  _so_  much.”

“It’s all thanks to you, really.”

“Stop giving me so much credit.” Gavin shakes his head. “I helped you, sure...but this is all you, Ry.”

“I don’t see how you can say that...”

“Because, it’s true.” Gavin insists. “All of that potential that your teachers are talking about was inside you. Maybe I helped you  _show_  it a bit better, but all that potential is inside you, silly. I didn’t put it there, that’s all you.”

Ryan doesn’t like the feeling he gets when he’s praised, it feels wrong as it floats around inside of him. It makes him feel guilty, like he’s getting something that he doesn’t deserve. But, he’s so grateful that the feeling dissolves quickly. 

“Th-thank you.” Ryan can feel his face heating up. His eyes close when he feels the softness of Gavin’s lips against his cheek. Ryan’s eyes flutter open again when he feels Gavin move away again. They look at each other for another moment before leaning in and sharing a small chaste kiss. 

“Let’s go get lunch, yeah?” Gavin asks, Ryan only nods, and his face still flushed a gentle pink. 

~*~

At the lunch table, everyone was talking about their grades. Michael was the most annoyed out of anyone. His grades were the worst, and he got the worst comments from his teachers. A lot of his teachers were complaining that he sometimes slept in class, and didn’t work well with the other students. Some of them said Michael was improving (thanks toBarbara), and that he was becoming a bit more docile. But, still, he was annoyed. 

“Am I just supposed to kiss  _everyone’s_ ass??” Michael spits, then takes another bite of his sandwich angrily. “I mean,” He speaks with his mouth full. “It’s such fucking crap!”

“Maybe...not kiss their asses,” Griffon frown sympathetically. “But, maybe take a deep breath before you...go off on someone, hun.”

“Go off??” Michael shouts. “When do I ever go off on people??”

“Right now...” Ray comments under his breath, but Michael hears it from across the table. 

“Fuck you, Ray!” Michael points at him. “This is  _not_  going off!”

“Calm down, babe.” Barbara leans her head on Michael’s shoulder, and it’s like Michael got shot with a tranquilizer gun. He stops shouting and he visibly deflates, reaching his free hand up to scratch appreciatively at Barb’s scalp. The entire table seems relieved when Michael calms down. 

“Yeah, I’ll fucking calm down.” Michael says quietly, but that’s only because he likes to have the last word. When Michael is silent, the conversation picks up again. 

“So, how are everyone else’s grades?” Griffon looks around the table. 

“Gavvy's grades are as good and pure as he is.” Geoff rolls his eyes. 

“How do you know?” Gavin snorts. “And, since when am I good and pure?”

“Gavin is a bully.” Ryan pokes the Brit in his side and the younger male giggles and moves away, only to move back towards Ryan again. 

“Piss off, Ry.” Gavin reaches over from Ryan’s plate to take one of his ‘chips’. “I’m nothing but nice to you.”

“I know.” Ryan is absolutely  _gleeful_  that Gavin is eating from his plate. He isn’t sure why, but he loves to eat Gavin’s food, and having Gavin eating his food...it satisfies him for some reason. He isn’t even aware that he’s grinning at his boyfriend right now. 

“What’s with the face, Ryan?” Geoff kicks the younger male softly under the table. 

“Hm?” Ryan’s smile stops showing his teeth, but he’s still smiling just a broadly. 

“You look happy as fuck.” Geoff says. “Did the angels come down and declare peace on Earth or something?”

Ryan shakes his head, not bothering to even try and hide the fact that he’s super happy. “Gav ate my food.” Ryan explains in nearly a whisper, even Gavin doesn’t notice Ryan’s said anything, he’s focused on something else. Geoff arches a brow, he doesn’t get why that makes Ryan so happy, but, he lets Ryan have this one. He’s glad Ryan is happy about it. 

Gavin goes on the talk about his grades, as does the rest of the table. Griffon talks about her pretty good grades, Geoff talks about his slightly above average ones. Barbara joins Gavin in the sparkly, amazing, wonderful grades club. Ray joins Michael in the ‘I have improved, but at what cost’ club. Jack’s discussion about his grades it uniquely interesting. 

“My parents told me that,” Jack clears his throat. “If I keep up all A’s, that they’ll help my girlfriend come and visit me for winter break.” He announces, and Ryan’s lips part, but no words come out. Ryan is just really surprised. He hadn’t known that Jack had a girlfriend. Every one else did apparently. 

“That’s awesome, man.” Ray smiles at Jack, who’s sitting on his right. “So, you’ve got all A’s then?”

“Yeah,” Jack nods. “But, I’m kind of worried about my history grade. It’s almost down to a B...” He sighs. “I keep forgetting historic dates and stuff, it’s hard.”

“I told you to let me help you.” Griffon reminds him. “I want to help you out as much as possible.”

“You’re already helping me with math,” Jack shakes his head. “You don’t have to-”

“Nope.” Griffon won’t hear any of it. “I’m going to start adding history to our study sessions.”

Jack feels bad for asking Griffon to help him with yet another subject. But, he’s not really asking, she’s just offering. And...he does need it, and so, he accepts gratefully. 

“Thanks, Griffon.” Jack nods to her. 

“Of course, silly.” Griffon reaches around Ray to pet Jack’s back. 

Gavin glances up at Ryan, seeing the look on his boyfriend’s face. 

“You alright, Ry?” Gavin nudges him. 

“I didn’t know Jack had a girlfriend.” Ryan whispers to him, and Gavin silently says ‘ohhh’ before he turns towards Jack’s end of the table. 

“Jack?” Gavin says, Jack leans past Ray and Griffon to see him. 

“Yeah?” Jack asks. 

“Ryan hasn’t heard about your Aussie yet,” Gavin smiles at him. “Do you mind giving him the details?”

“Oh, sure!” Jack exclaims, of course he doesn’t mind talking about her. “Summer of last year, during my family’s trip to Australia, I...met a girl. And, we...flirted sure, but even more than that, we made a real connection. We, um...kissed on my last day being there, and it was just the final proof, that I needed to see where our relationship could go.” Jack pauses. “We had skype dates and everything for a year, and I saved enough money working to buy a plane ticket to go see her over spring break, because I knew I couldn’t go this summer for a lot of reasons.” He’s blushing now. “When we saw each other again in person, at the airport, she ran into my arms and we both cried and stuff...blah, blah, blah.” He chuckles. “It was kind of sucky, only having a week together after having so much more time last summer, but it was great.” Jack sighs. “When she dropped me off at the airport, we cried again and I cried on the plane to. So, lots of tears and stuff. And, I just  _miss_  her so much.” His story comes to an end. “My parents said that if I keep my grades up, they’ll help me get Caiti here for winter break. Which would be great because Christmas and stuff! And, my birthday is January 3rd, so hopefully she could stay until around my birthday.” Jack thinks for a minute, then realizing that he has no more to say, he just shrugs. “The end.”

Ryan is touched by Jack’s story, and he’s very happy for him. He wishes he could say as much, but...he’s so lost in thought. Ryan isn’t used to feeling jealousy, but he’s feeling it now. Jack’s most likely going to be able to spend winter break with his girlfriend, while Gavin going to be leaving for that break. But, Ryan can’t spend too much time feeling jealous, because he’s very lucky. Gavin literally just lives around the corner, and they go to the same school, so he gets to see Gavin pretty much everyday. 

The table’s conversation picks back up yet again. Ray, Jack and Michael are all talking about something on their own. Barbara and Griffon are chatting, Geoff is doing something on his phone. Gavin is leaning his head on Ryan’s shoulder, and the Brit is using one of his hands to play with one of Ryan’s. Meanwhile, Gavin is using his other hand to eat more of Ryan’s french fries. This scene plays out with a feeling of neutrality, this must be what ‘normal’ feels like. 

_____________________________

Ryan waited for Gavin out by the Brit’s locker. They’d been texting about meeting up after school so they could talk about whether or not Gavin was going to be joining him for the News Crew game/movie night. When the Brit finally approached, they were stopped from greeting each other by someone excitedly calling out to Gavin. Both Ryan and Gavin turned to see who it was. A smile spread across Gavin’s face when he saw who it was. 

“Hello!” Gavin waves to the woman who’s walking down the hallway. “Why are you here?” He asks, not to be rude. He’s just curious. 

“I know, I know.” She hugs Gavin when she’s close enough, and she gives Ryan a polite smile as well. “It’s strange to see me in the high school, huh?” The woman extends a soft hand to Ryan. He takes it, ignoring the burn it gives him. 

“It’s...odd sure, I guess.” Gavin shrugs. “Not really.” He watches as they shake hands. “This is my boyfriend, Ryan.”

“Boyfriend Ryan, hello.” She says as she lets go of his hand. “I’m Ashley Jenkins, I teach Gavin’s little brother and sister at the elementary school. I’ve heard about you before, nice to actually meet you.”

“Oh...” Ryan responds, unsure of what to say. He’s assuming that Avery and Lilly were the ones that Ms. Jenkins had heard about him from previously. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Ashley smiles at him again, then turns to Gavin. “What are you doing here after school?” She asks.

“We just got out of school actually.” Gavin informs her. “The high school days end later than the elementary school days, silly.” He rolls his eyes playfully. 

“Right, right!” She rolls her eyes as well. “Duh, silly me.”

“Better question though, what are  _you_  doing here?” Gavin arches a brow. 

“Oh, I’m here to gather up my boyfriend.” Ashley explains. “I’m a bit early, I know that he said he wanted to get a few things done before went out. But, I was bored so I came early. Maybe I can help him out.”

“Your boyfriend?” Gavin asks. “You mean...another teacher right?”

“Yeah,” She nods. “You know him, he’s always talking about you and Ryan.” 

“He’s...what?” Gavin’s brow knits. “You mean...your boyfriend is-”

“I thought I heard your voice out here.” Burnie comes out of his classroom which is across the hall from Gavin’s locker. “What are you doing out here bugging my students?” He teases as he comes over and places a hand on her shoulder. 

“Burnie!” Gavin exclaims. “You didn’t tell me that Ms. Ashley was your girlfriend!”

“Did I...not?” Burnie looks confused. “I knew that you two knew each other. I thought you already knew.” 

“No! That’s awesome though, congrats you two.” Gavin is grinning. “I’m proud of this pairing.”

“ _Proud_.” Burnie repeats, snorting. “Well, thanks Dad. Glad I could make you proud.” 

 _Dad?_ Ryan thinks. That reminded him of the dream he had this morning. He hadn’t yet talked about it with Gavin. He didn’t know if he needed to. Thinking about the dream again made Ryan think about chocolate chip cookies. It also made him think about Geoff, which was strange. He shook his head to clear his thoughts and when he looked up again, Burnie and Ashley were disappearing into Burnie’s classroom. 

Gavin was tapping their fingertips together. 

“Are you sure that your club won’t mind having me for the movie/game night?” Gavin squeezes Ryan’s hand. “I feel guilty.”

“Huh?”

“Did...you not hear what I said?”

“No, I didn’t, sorry.” Ryan sounds a bit distant, and Gavin is concerned. 

“You alright?” Gavin looks to his left at Ryan. 

“I’m fine.”

“Hm.” Gavin doesn’t buy that, but he doesn’t pry. “Alright. Well, I was just asking if you really think its ok for me to join you guys for the movie/game night?”

“Oh,” Ryan nods. “JJ keeps reminding me that it’s ok for you to come hang out with us whenever. He even invited you himself at lunch the other day.” He reminds the younger student. “So, it’s fine.”

“If you’re sure, then.” Gavin actually sounds a bit nervous.

“Are you...scared?” 

“Me? No.” The blonde shakes his head. “Not... _scared_ , just...shy I guess.”

It was out of the ordinary to be the one who’s not feeling terribly shy. It was  _way_  out of the ordinary for Ryan to be the one introducing someone to a group. Well, Ryan introduced Mimi to the others when the group visited the farm. But, this felt different for some reason. Maybe because there wasn’t coaxing involved when he introduced everyone to Mimi. 

Ryan held Gavin’s hand tighter. 

“It’s going to be alright.” Ryan tries his hand at reassuring his shy boyfriend. “We’re just going to go play video games, or watch a movie or something. You probably won’t have to talk if you don’t want to.” He says some of the things that he knows Gavin would say to him in this situation. The Brit turns his head to look at Ryan, he was so proud of how incredibly visible it is, how much Ryan has grown as a person. 

“Thank you, Ry.” 

~*~

Room 5B was bustling when Gavin and Ryan arrived. Arryn was standing on the News Couch, her shoes on the floor beside the sofa. She was bouncing excitedly as Miles and Kerry set up the projector. There was another student there, one that Ryan  _thinks_  he has classes with. When the mystery student turns around, Ryan knows then, that he’s indeed had class with him before. His name is...?

“Jon, for fuck’s sake.” JJ says as he enters the door. “Get out, we’re not going to break your precious projector.”

“It’s not  _mine_.” Jon turns to JJ. “It’s the school’s, and I’m in charge of it right now and I refuse to have you clowns breaking it.”

“That’s  _News_  Clowns, to you.” Kerry says over his shoulder as he steadies the projector on its cart. “Be gone, Risinger, we’ve got this.”

“Oh, Haywood and company have arrived.” JJ notices, dropping the grocery bags in his hands onto the table. “Great, I’m glad that your other half has decided to join us.” 

“Where’s yours?” Ryan asks before he can stop himself. The rest of the room pauses after Ryan has said it. JJ tilts his head to the side, folding his arms. He’s not upset with Ryan, but impressed with his boldness. 

“I don’t think I know who you mean.” JJ says, though the rest of the room knows, JJ included, who Ryan means. 

“Where’s Blaine?” The tawny haired male offered the question again, this coaxed a smirk out of JJ. 

“I wouldn’t call meathead my other half,” The News Crew’s leader shrugs. “Blaine has a game, so he won’t be here tonight. That answer your question?” JJ’s tone is a tiny bit defensive as Ryan hits the sensitive subject. Ryan decides to leave it alone, it’s not like him to bother in someone else’s business too much anyway. 

“So, wanna tell Ryan what we’re doing today?” Miles changes the subject. 

“Ryan?” Jon asks, moving his blue eyes to Ryan. “Oh, he’s your new member?”

“Yup,” Kerry confirms. “Official as of yesterday.”

“Oh, fun, fun.” Jon nods approvingly. “I’m Jon Risinger.” He introduces himself to the News Crew’s newest member. 

Ryan feels like he’s meeting new people all of the time. Maybe it’s because every person he’s come in contact is pretty much new. He’s never really... _known_  people before. He’s had people who he just couldn’t avoid knowing, like his mom and Mimi. But, now he’s actually  _knowing_  people. 

“Ryan Haywood.” Ryan replies then quickly looks away from Jon, feeling shy again. 

“You know, Jon,” JJ motions to the projector that’s just begun wiring to life. “You’re welcome to stay and game with us.”

Jon considers it, but ultimately decides not to stay. He shakes his head. 

“Nah,” Jon says. “Gonna go home, sleep forever.”

“Alright,” JJ shrugs. “Maybe next time?”

“Maybe.” Jon waves to the room, then he leaves.

Ryan and Gavin stand alongside JJ as the projector is connected to the first system of the night. 

~*~

“All I’m saying, is that I don’t get it.” Ryan shrugs. They’re on the third system, having gone through the Game Cube, and the N64, they were going to be playing through the classic Nintendo systems. Ryan liked playing as Link in the N64 Zelda game.thanks forro “Have I played video games before? Not really. Sometimes when my mom took me to the deli, there was a machine in there. It was...a Tetris arcade machine.” He says. “And, it was super old, and the buttons and the stick thing were all sticky for some reason. But, I loved it. And, it’s the only game I have on my phone besides Scrabble.”

“You’ve never like, played that Snake game? With the little pixel snake thing and the dot you have to eat?” Miles asks, watching Ryan have his first go with Super Mario World on the Super Nintendo. Ryan and Arryn are playing the two player mode, Ryan is Mario and she is Luigi. 

“The snake what?” Ryan asks. “I think...that was like a free game that came on my mom’s cellphone. I’ve played it before. But console games? No. I’ve never played a console game. This is my first.”

“Dude!” Everyone in the room shouts, besides Gavin. The Brit shouts ‘ _Ryan_!’ instead. 

“What?? I’m sorry!” Ryan shouts back at them, though he’s laughing. “We couldn’t afford it, nor did I really want to. And-” He’s walked off a cliff. “For fuck’s sake! And, this is hard!”

“It’s a classic! It’s not supposed to be easy!” Kerry points at him. “Challenge yourself, Ryan!”

“But, what’s the point?” Ryan asks. “Why would I want to spend a lot of my time doing this? Like, what am I doing right now?”

“You’re trying to get your princess back, Ryan.” Gavin says. “Peach has been taken, isn’t that the point of this? I know in some Mario games, the goal is to get Luigi back. Or is that just what happens in Yoshi’s Island?”

“I think that’s a plot point in another Mario game, I dunno.” JJ shrugs. “I like the way you say ‘Mario’, though.”

“Oh...” Gavin rolls his eyes. “MAH-RIO.” He stressing the pronunciation to say it the way most Americans do. 

“I don’t care about Peach, though.” Ryan shakes his head, points to the screen. “Are you seeing this shit right now?”

“What?” Gavin looks at the screen. Ryan and Arryn are playing through a castle level, avoiding lava such. 

“If the goal in each Mario game is to get back  _her_ , then obviously, Mario doesn’t really want her.” Ryan declares.

“Bullshit,” Kerry disagrees. “He’s always risking his life to save her, obviously, he wants her.”

“Well, maybe...” Ryan thinks about it. “But, why would he go through  _this_  though? The lava and shit. She’s just going to get taken again. I don’t get it.”

“Would  _you_  do that for me, Ry?” Gavin asks. 

Ryan is quiet for a moment, so are the others, waiting for Ryan to answer. 

“Well,” Ryan sighs. “It’s super unrealistic, though.”

The rest of the room groans. 

“Nooo, Ryan.” Arryn laughs. “You’re supposed to say ‘yes’, right away!”

“I am?” Ryan arches a brow. “Why?”

“Because, it’s  _Gavin_ , you’re  _boyfriend_.” Miles explains. “You would do anything for him, yeah?”

“Anything actually realistically possible, yes.” Ryan replies, dropping the controller onto the table. “Someone else can go.” He says, before turning to his left where Gavin sat. “I’d brave lava for you, Gavin.”

The Brit only responds by laying his head on Ryan’s shoulder. Gavin isn’t saying anything, and Ryan worries if he  _should’ve_  said ‘yes’ right away. 

“Did I fuck up?” Ryan whispers to Gavin. “I would’ve said ‘yes’ right away...just, the logic didn’t-”

“No, it’s not that.” Gavin smiles at him. “I agree with you, it’s bloody  _highly_  unlikely that I’d get kidnapped by a giant...dragon? Or...what the hell is Bowser, again? Whatever, not important.” Gavin taps his fingertips to Ryan's. “It’s unlikely that anyone would kidnap me to begin with. If they did, it wouldn’t be to a lava filled castle that you’d have to spelunk through.”

“Oh...” Ryan is glad Gavin isn’t upset with him. “Yeah.”

“Yeah,” Gavin nods. “So, no I’m not upset about that, I’m not upset at all.” He smiles, squeezing Ryan’s hand. “I’m really,  _really_  proud of how much you’re talking to your new friends. I also like you having fun.”

“Then...why aren’t you talking?” Ryan rubs his cheek into Gavin’s hair, the two of them seeming totally unaware to the others’ whooping and loud laughter as they continue with the game. 

“I’m just, content.” Gavin shrugs. “I don’t have anything to say. And, your body heat is warm, and I’m sleepy now.”

“You ready to leave?”

“I’m ready when you are,” Gavin shrugs. “But, don’t leave for me. I could sleep here just fine, if I do fall asleep, I mean.” He kisses Ryan’s shoulder. “Have fun, silly.”

Ryan looks up at the projected screen. He’d played Zelda, Super Smash Bros, Super Mario, Bomberman, and Donkey Kong. He’d basically had a Nintendo overload. He’d had a decent amount of snacks, but he was feeling hungry for actual food. And, it had been a few hours, and the school building would be closing soon anyway. So, it’d be as good a time as any to leave. 

“I’m ready.” Ryan sits up, stretching. For some reason, getting up the nerve to tell the News Crew goodbye, was harder than debating about the principal of the Mario games. “Um...”

“Need help?” Gavin asks quietly, and Ryan feels both defeated and grateful when he realizes that he does need Gavin’s help to say goodbye. The Brit only smiles at Ryan, understandingly. “Well, everyone, Ry and I are going to head out now. We had loads of fun, and I’d be happy to come to the next game or movie night.”

“Aw, already? We have another half hour.” Kerry looks up at them from his spot on the coffee table, bowl of cheese puffs in his lap. “Stay.”

“Don’t ‘Kerry’ them into staying, dude.” Miles says to his friend, then turns to look at Ryan and Gavin. “Thanks for coming you two, see you guys tomorrow.”

“We have an important meeting tomorrow after school,” JJ says to the two of them as he stretches his legs across the sofa where Ryan and Gavin had been sitting. “You’ll be there, right, Ryan?”

“Uh, yeah.” Ryan nods. “Important?”

“Yes, important.” The raven haired boy nods. “We have some things to discuss.”

“Oh...” Ryan replies. 

“By ‘us’, I mean the group. Not just me and you, you’re not in trouble or anything.”

“Alright.” Ryan says, watching Gavin pull on his jacket. “Bye.” He turns and waves to the others once Gavin is ready. Gavin waves as well.

“Thanks again for having me.” Gavin says then takes Ryan’s hand, and they leave. 

_____________________________

Gavin and Ryan walk side by side, no longer holding hands as they walk towards Side A of town. They are quiet, content once again. Though, Gavin breaks the silence as they near their halfway point.

“Are you walking me all the way home, or just to our halfway?” Gavin asks, Ryan turns to look at him, shrugs. 

“I think I’ll walk you to your house,” Ryan says. “It’s kind of late.”

“Not really...it’s just starting to get dark. I’d be ok, if you wanted to drop me-”

“I want to walk you home.” The older male declares, and...well, Gavin wasn’t going to argue with him about it. It’s not like Gavin didn’t want Ryan to walk him home. 

“Alright then, Ry.”

~*~

Ryan walked Gavin to the backdoor of the Free House, which they didn’t  _have_  to. But, they like to say goodbye here, so they can kiss without worrying that Mr. Free or someone else might see. They were mostly concerned about Gavin’s dad seeing, because last time the consequences were terrible for doing it on the cheek, through the  _car window_. Doing it on the mouth by the front door might be hellish. 

“See you tomorrow.” Ryan says, as Gavin wraps his arms around him. The older hugs him back, and they separate enough to see each other’s face. 

“Wait...is tomorrow Friday?” Gavin frowns.

“No...tomorrow is-”

“Oh,  _Thursday_.” The Brit sighs with relief. “So then, yeah! I’ll have my Ry, tomorrow!”

“You’ll have me on Friday, too.” Ryan reminds him. “Just, later on, after my appointment,  _and_  after you have your full day of school. No skipping just to see me.”

“No promises are to be made on the matter.” Gavin rolls his eyes. “As  _soon_  as your appointment is over, you text or call me. Tell me if that therapist buggered you up as bad as the last one did. And, if you’re not ok, I  _am_  skipping the rest of the day to see you.”

“Hm, I don’t like that.”

“You’ll thank me later, like last time.” Gavin smirks smugly. 

“Get in your damn house.” Ryan tries to sound upset with his boyfriend, but it’s not working. 

They both hear the sound of David’s car pulling into the driveway. So, Gavin sighs. His father can’t see them from the driveway, but, Gavin should probably head inside so he can start getting dinner ready. 

“Fine, I’ll go.” Gavin tilts his face up towards Ryan’s. “Love you.”

Ryan gives Gavin a series of soft, gentle kisses. Gavin wasn’t ready for how loving the kisses were going to feel. The gentleness of them made Gavin forget about everything, other than Ryan, and he held Ryan tighter. When the older separated them, Gavin pouted. 

“Love you, too.” Ryan finally says as he holds onto his backpack straps. 

“Do you really have to go home?”

“Not...really.” Ryan shrugs. “I told Mimi I had to stay at school later today, so Paul’s made her dinner. I...could stay for a bit.”

Gavin thinks about it, but, sighs and shakes his head. 

“No, no...go home.” The Brit decides. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah.” Gavin nods. “We both have homework, and we’re probably not going to get it done if you stay.”

“Why wouldn’t we? We’ve done our homework together before.” Ryan shrugs. 

“Just...I don’t feel like doing my homework, not if you’re staying.” Gavin says. “I’d rather cuddle with you after dinner forever, then go to sleep.”

“Oh, haha.” Ryan laughs. “Well, then, I’m going home. Keep your pretty grades up.”

“ _Pretty grades_.” Gavin repeats. “Sure, Ryan.”

“They are, I’ve never seen prettier grades in person.”

“In person? What?”

“I’ve seen pretty grades in movies before.”

Gavin chuckles. “I see,” He nods. “I forgot that you usually equate everything in life to movies.”

Ryan nods as well. “That’s where I get most of my knowledge about people.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re learning things in the real world now.” Gavin takes a step backwards. “Gonna go inside now.”

“Alright, see you.” Ryan takes a step back as well. 

“See you.”

~*~

The farm house was quiet, it usually was. Ryan could smell Paul’s cooking, which was always great, and his stomach growled. He’d been wanting dinner since breakfast time, because he knew Paul was cooking tonight. 

“Mimi?” Ryan called as he dropped his backpack onto one of the kitchen chairs. “You eat yet?”

“Ryan! Come here!” Mimi respond, sounding pretty excited. Ryan couldn’t tell if it was good excited or bad excited, so he ran to her room.

“What is it?” He asks urgently, but, calms when he sees that she’s fine. Mimi is sitting up in bed, with a folder in her hands. “What’s that?” He points to it.

“Your mother sent me this, before you came to live on the farm.” Mimi says, then pats the space on the bed next to her. Ryan is curious, yeah, but he’s starving to death. He doesn’t really want to unfold this mystery until he eats, but, he sits beside Mimi anyway. 

He looks at the folder in her hands, it has the name of the hospital his mother is staying at. Ryan doesn’t understand why Mimi is showing this to him now. He doesn’t say anything, so Mimi continues. 

“I want you to call the hospital, and ask if they’re allowing visitation during the holiday.” Mimi hands the folder to him. “Their phone number is inside.”

“It’s...a hospital.” Ryan’s brow knits. “Why wouldn’t they allow the patients to see their family during that time? I’m sure they do.” He lets his hands feel the texture of the folder, it’s glossy, the corners are rounded. Ryan likes this texture. 

“They do allow visits, during the holidays, I know that.”

“Then, why do I have to call?”

“Your  _mother_  might not be allowed visitors.” Mimi explains. 

“What?” Ryan frowns. “Why not?” He thinks about the plans to go to Georgia. Why would Mimi entertain the idea of him and Gavin going, if she thinks that they might not be allowed to see her if they go?

“It depends on how she is doing mentally, and if she has been behaving.” Mimi sighs. “She tended to get into a bit of trouble at the last place, remember?”

Ryan nods, he does remember that. 

“So, I’d like you to give them a call.” She pets his arm, which burns. Ryan grimaced slightly, but relaxed a bit when she took her hand away. 

“Why...do I have to call? I don’t like calling places...” Ryan admits. Last time he tried to call somewhere, his words got stuck when the other person picked up. After a few seconds of silence, and the person saying ‘hello’ three times, Ryan panicked and hung up. 

“You’re going to be going to Georgia on your own,” Mimi says. “With  _Gavin_ , yes. But, I just want you to practice making calls now. Just incase you have to while you’re on your own.”

“But...” Ryan is going to argue, but...he didn’t have anything to say. Mimi was right. What if there were calls he’d have to make while he was away? 

It’s funny how Ryan is actually more comfortable talking to strangers in person now, rather than on the phone. It used to be the other way around. 

So, with a sigh, Ryan nods and accepts the task of making the phone call. 

“When should I do it?” He opens the folder to see the phone number printed on the folder’s pocket. It’s been a while since he’s seen a Georgian area code. He doesn’t know why that’s so eye catching. 

“Today, if you’re curious.” Mimi offers. “But, closer to when you’re going to visit would be good too. Just to make sure she’s stable, and not silent.”

“Ok.” Ryan feels the texture of the folder again. “Have you eaten?”

“Not yet,” Mimi smiles at him. “Would you have dinner with me?”

He nods. “Yes.”

_____________________________

After dinner, Ryan sat at his desk, in his bedroom. He was staring at the number on the inside of the folder, with his cellphone in his hand. The number was already typed in, but he left his thumb hovering over the ‘call’ button. This was actually the third time he was attempting to call. He’d hung up the first time, before anyone had picked up the call. The second time, a man picked up, and Ryan ended the call in panic. 

He was going to give up for the day, and try again tomorrow, maybe with Gavin by his side. Or maybe he was going to tell Mimi that he couldn’t do it. 

But, he remembers hearing the saying ‘third time is a charm’ in movies. So, maybe that would work with this as well with this. Either way, he was sure he’d chicken out again. He remembers, during the first month of him and Gavin spending time together, Gavin had said something pretty clever. Gavin had told Ryan, to write down what he wanted to say, then read it aloud to practice saying it. 

So, with nothing more to do than to give it a shot, Ryan wrote down his ‘script’:

> Hello, I’m calling about patient visitation.
> 
> **Yes, which patient are you calling about?**
> 
> Allison Shaw. 
> 
> **When would you like to visit her?**
> 
> Around Thanksgiving.
> 
> **You can visit her at that time, k bye.**

He stared at the script, realizing that it probably wasn’t going to end that way. But hopefully he would be fine to talk up to that point. Maybe he could hang up as soon as the person gave him the green light to visit his mom. 

With the script written, he clicked the call button again. The ringing was the worst part. The call rang three times before it was picked up, by a woman this time. She said hello, then the name of the hospital. 

“How may I help you, today?” She asked, and Ryan didn’t say anything. “Hello?”

“H-hi.” He choked out, throat feeling tighter than it has in a while. 

“Hi...” The woman replied, chuckled. “How may I help you, Sir?”

“I...” Ryan looked at his script, but he couldn’t even  _read_  that aloud. 

“Are you alright?” The woman asks. Ryan is surprised that she hasn’t just hung up on him. 

“I...wanna visit my mom.” Ryan says, then smacks his free hand to his forehead.  _Nice going, idiot_. 

“Oh, well, who’s your mother?” The woman doesn’t seem put off by Ryan’s way of saying it. That makes him feel better. He can hear her typing. 

“Allison Shaw.” Ryan says, feeling himself relax a bit more. 

“One second,” The woman hums as she looks up Allison’s name. “Alright, found her. But, before we continue talking, may I ask you a few questions?”

 _God fucking damn it, no. No, you can’t_. Ryan thinks, but he says ‘ok’ instead. 

“Who is calling?” The woman gives him the first question. 

“I’m...her son.” Ryan thought that would be fairly obvious, seeing as he did say he was calling for his  _mother_. 

“Yes, I know. But, could you verify your name, please?”

“Ry-” He stops himself, remembering that his mother wouldn’t have put down his name like that. “J-James Haywood.”

“Alright...” She replies, Ryan hears more typing. “Date of birth?”

“December 6th, 1996.” 

“Alright, thank you.” She says, then there’s more tying. “Ok, James! All set.”

“Ok.”

“When would you like to see your mother?

“Is she...doing well?” Ryan asks first. The woman is silent for a moment, as she clicks to Allison’s records. 

“Well,” The woman clears her throat. “I know it’s only the sixth of the month, but so far, every day it says ‘responsive, interactive’ here on her stat sheet.”

“What does that mean?”

“She’s been talking, eating on her own.” She explains. “If I remember correctly, she’s our patient who just arrive this summer?”

“Yeah.”

“She’s been improving for the last few weeks, then. I remember.”

“Improving?”

“Every day, she’s been getting better with interacting with other patients, and the hospital staff.” The woman confirms. 

 _Mom is getting better, too. Like me._ Ryan thinks. “Would I be able to visit her around Thanksgiving?”

“If all is well, that’d be great.” The woman sounds like she’s smiling. “She’s been asking about you, I believe.”

“Me?”

“Yes,” The woman rolls her eyes. “I don’t know  _why_  I didn’t put two and two together. You’re Allie’s boy.”

Ryan doesn’t say anything, just listens. 

“Your mother has been doing very well, and she would love to see you I’m sure.”

“Ok.” Ryan is ready to hang up now. 

“Let me put you through to her room,” The woman says. “I’ll tell her that it’s  _you_  calling, she should pick up. Take care!”

“Wait, no! Don’t-” He can hear hold music, it’s an orchestra piece. Lots of instruments. He can feel his heart rate inclining.  _Why don’t I just hang up?_ Ryan asks himself. He just wants to hang the damn phone up! Throw it across the room, but he feels frozen. His heart goes even faster when the orchestra music stops, and he hears the phone ringing as the call is sent to his mother’s room. It rings twice, and then it is picked up. Both ends of the line are silent, Ryan feels like he might be sick. He hasn’t heard his mother’s voice since late June, before she went silent. She stayed silent all through July. At the end of July, she was taken to the hospital. August, it was clear that Ryan needed to stay elsewhere. Late August, it was decided that he would stay with Mimi until he was at least 18 years of age, which would be in December. End of August, Ryan moved to Texas. 

Ryan was lost in thought, thinking about the last time he heard his mother talk. He was pulled from his thoughts when he heard her voice again for the first time in months. 

“James?” Her voice was soft, shrunken with disbelief. Allison had never imagined  _him_  to call her. She didn’t think he’d even want to. “You called!” She exclaimed. “Shoot, I didn’t think...after...” She clears her throat. “How’s Texas, darling? I hope your Grandma is treating you good. I just talked to her the other day. She said you have friends now, that’s great!”

Ryan didn’t know why, but he could feel his eyes welling up with tears. 

“Hello?” Allison speaks. “James?”

His throat was closed now, he knew no words would rise now. He didn’t even know what to say. Hearing her call him James just reminded him of her silence. When she’d stare off into space hauntingly, and only say his name every once in a while. It made him feel...it made him...

“Come on, James.” His mother pleads. “Mama says that you’ve been talking up a storm! Please, just say  _something_? We can talk about-”

Ryan hangs up on her, he feels guilty after he does so. But, it was too much. He wasn’t ready for that. He stares at the phone for a while, before bringing it with him into bed. He debates texting Gavin, or calling him. Ryan doesn’t know what to say to him either. He... _really_  wasn’t ready for that. Why should he visit her if hearing her voice shuts him down? Shouldn’t he stay away? 

There are too many thoughts going on in his head. For some reason, Ryan thinks of Geoff. Last time he was thinking too much, Geoff calmed him down. It reminds Ryan of his father, Ben. When Ben handed Ryan the cookie, he felt safe and...just all around better. He felt that way when Geoff put his hands on his shoulders. He felt grounded, like nothing bad was going to happen. 

Ryan debated calling Geoff. But...he didn’t. He just focused on remembering what Geoff told him. The first time that Ryan had hung out alone with Geoff, and his mind was racing, Geoff kept telling him to breathe. 

_“Just focus on breathing, ok?” Geoff held his shoulders tightly. “Breathe with me, ok?” Ryan didn’t nod, but Geoff knew that he understood. Geoff took in a deep breath, audibly, and Ryan followed along until their breathing matched._

_When Ryan was breathing better, Geoff began speaking again._

_“Everything is going to be alright? This will be over soon, and then everything will be back to normal, ok?” Geoff had asked._

_“Ok.” Ryan finally managed to speak again._

And now, laying in his bed, phone still clutched in his hand. Ryan took a few deep breaths, like Geoff had taught him, and when he felt a bit better he managed to say ‘ok’ aloud, texting a quick ‘goodnight’ to Gavin, and falling asleep earlier than normal. 

_____________________________

JJ was freshly showered, and pulling on his pajamas when he heard his phone ringing. He moved quickly to answer it, seeing the caller ID ‘Meathead Neanderthal’ on the screen. 

“We’re not going to start doing ‘goodnight’ phone calls, are we?” JJ asks upon picking up the call. He hears Blaine laughing.

“I was just calling to tell you that WE WON THE FUCKING GAME DUDE!” Blaine shouts into JJ’s ear, the raven haired boy holds the device away for a second. “It was so awesome! I wish that you had seen it!”

“Did you manage to get some photographs for the paper, like I asked?” 

“Yeah,” Blaine nods. “I got my mom to do it.”

“Tell her thanks.” JJ is glad. Reporting on the school games usually got good traffic on the blog site, and also got more copies of the paper flowing. “You should tell me some details about the game, so I can get an article written up tonight so we can publish it tomorrow.”

“I’ll write it.” Blaine says. “They like reading the articles about the game from me because I was actually there  _playing_  the game, so...you know.”

“Do you really feel up to it? I know you’ve been traveling all day and playing on the field and all.” JJ is sitting in his bed now, knees drawn to his chest. He didn’t really feel like writing anything, but it’d be good for the News. 

“No way, I have adrenaline for days, dude.” Blaine shakes his head. “I’m not going to sleep any time soon.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah man,” Blaine already has his laptop open. “I’ll send it to Arryn to proof read, and-”

“I could proof read, if you want.” JJ offers, and Blaine stops talking. 

“Oh...” Blaine clears his throat. “You really don’t have to. Arryn gets up earlier than you do, so she could proof read it before school and-”

“Dude, lemme help you out.” JJ cuts him off again. “I’ll get up early to proof read it, or do it during lunch or something.”

“But, I thought you were improving during lunch tomorrow?”

“This is important.” JJ says. 

They’re both quiet for a moment. 

“Alright...so, I’ll write it up tonight, send it to you.” Blaine lists. “You’ll edit it tomorrow and it’ll be on the blog tomorrow, and printed on-”

“On Friday.” JJ nods. “Sound good?”

“Sounds sweet, yeah.” Blaine sighs. “Alright, gonna go write now.”

“Ok, g’night.” JJ puts on his loud ‘theater-voice’. “See you on the morrow, meathead.”

Blaine laughs, rolls his eyes. “Night, Shakespeare.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My computer is broken and I'm updating this in not my usual way, so if the spacing seems weird or...I dunno, ignore me. I'll fix it soon, haha. It looks weird on my screen, but maybe it looks fine to you all? If anything looks too horrendous lemme know and I'll try to fix it. 
> 
> Love you guys, stay rested, hydrated and positive. Happy Pi Day!

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [The Life and Times of Team Something Different](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3253535) by [Youkoartemis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Youkoartemis/pseuds/Youkoartemis)




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